The Dark Night of the Soul - When Depression and Pain Lead to Growth

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thanks for watching! As always, comments and feedback (positive or negative) are welcomed. Here are my social links. Follow me here to give me a reason to use them! twitter.com/NoctemAd fb.me/adnoctemmedia If you'd like to support the channel financially (not ever expected) I've set up a page on Buy Me a Coffee where you can donate directly with no account required. Any support will go to production costs to produce high quality videos at a regular pace: www.buymeacoffee.com/Adnoctemmedia

[@ivannovakovic8]

Don't be afraid of that happening to you. It tought me how to fight and focus my mind. You will learn a lot. But my advice is don't be trapped in circle of toughts. Be in the moment and experience the moment which is given to you. Take it with gratitude.

[@Nok_middleplain]

This video came out at the perfect time in my life

[@AdNoctemMedia]

I'm glad it found its way to you at a time when you could use it. Whatever you're going through, you have my best wishes for coming out the other side in a better place.

[@derelictrelay666]

I've been suffering from chronic pain since 2015 and from prolonged depression since before that, so I very much relate to the concept of demoralization and all the different facets of it I've been dealing with so far. Thank you for this video, it truly spoke to me and I'll get onto reading more on the subject.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

I know what some of that feels like, I actually started this channel after I was diagnosed with narcolepsy and the symptoms progressed to a point where I couldn't keep up my job and ended up having to move back in with family I lost a lot of my sense of confidence, identity and self worth where it took me a long time to feel ok about myself then. Thankfully I don't deal with chronic pain and that's something I try to remain grateful for. I'm glad you found something to identify with in this video and hope it does help you in some way. Giving you my best wishes for healing and peace.

[@davidmcguire3140]

Your content is super under-viewed. Keep making this good stuff and I’m sure you’ll blow up soon!

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thank you for your comment, every bit of encouragement like this makes it worth it to keep putting work in. I'm glad you enjoyed the video!

[@suntzu6468]

I'm currently facing the symptoms of demoralization, all of the ones that you mentioned in the video applied to me. Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness have been present for multiple long periods of time in my life. Last year, they started to fade, but are now resurfacing, however the past couple of days I've been feeling the need to go through a transformative process and see it through to the end. This video has really confirmed that thought for me and I thank you for making such eye opening content. Good luck with all your future endeavors, Ad Noctem Media and I hope to see you gain much deserved recognition and popularity in the future.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time right now, but I wish you the best in your process of healing and growth. I know it can feel quite overwhelming, but in my experience the best thing you can do is take care of yourself, take it one day (or even hour) at a time, and try to face it with some humor and self compassion. Thanks very much for your kind words, I hope to see you around the community as well. Every bit of feedback like this really does help with the motivation to keep going.

[@OverOnTheWildSide]

I came here from your comment on my Reddit post. This is well done, good information content as well.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thanks for dropping by, I'm glad you checked it out! Hopefully it gives you a good example of why I felt it was worthwhile to hire somebody who can create a good quality video, but it's all part of a personal decision on how to spend your time and resources. Thanks for your comment.

[@purpp5610]

You described what I've been feeling strongly for the better half of a year very well and it's good to know it's not just me. I have already been doing some of the things mentioned and have found it helps a lot, going out into some remote place in nature and just observing life, and just being around loved ones helps a lot. I've also been getting into philosophy and planning to get a journal so I can sketch things I see when in nature, and write down my thoughts. Thank you for this video.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling this way, but I'm glad that you've found comfort in finding a shared experience and that you seem to be using it as a platform for personal growth. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@sarahbelmonte8888]

I’m very thankful for this video. Not because I’m struggling with being in the dark night but because I have gone in and out of it all my life. As a young person it was always one things after another and I’d breakdown and feel lost, then come out and be thankful. So as to not make this comment too long I decided to watch you video because of the word pain, which of course has many meanings as you described and I have traveled dark nights through them all but it’s the physical term of ‘pain’ that has and continues to teach me to grow and be better, stronger, more grateful & happy. I have a rare genetic pain disorder with co mordities that make my existence literally, metaphorically and spiritually a minute by minute challenge for the last 20 yrs. But going through all this and what life adds on top I feel (when not overwhelmed with my illnesses) GREAT! I love life, want to help others and just experience everything that I can’t when I’m not functioning. Thank you 😊

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Wow, very sorry to hear about the challenges you deal with but glad to hear that you are managing to find the important things where you can anyways. I can somewhat relate but nowhere near the same level, I have narcolepsy and chronic fatigue with a couple other chronic health issues and many things can be a challenge. It's actually a big reason why I started this channel, looking for some means of control and expression when I couldn't hold down my job after my symptoms progress. Didn't mean to go on about myself at the end there but I'm very grateful for this and all the other highly personal comments which people have left identifying with experiencing much of the same.

[@sarahbelmonte8888]

Oh my word, if you didn’t tell me about you (which I had guessed something was going on - one sickie to another 🤢 - I find I can often hear it or read it in word choices or phrasing). Thank you for letting me in and I’m grateful I found your video & channel. When I got sick I started businesses, and 1 after another I had to stop them or sell them as I couldn’t manage. Couldn’t even make selling makeup on social media work out ha ha. I want to do a KZbin channel but I need to improve a little more. Can I impose a personal question and ask where you’re from?

[@divadgnol67]

As always, awesome! I truly appreciate the juxtaposition between the severity of the topic and the peacefulness of the music chosen as a backdrop.

[@riktrik7013]

This idea reminds me of the "spaces" or "states" one can enter under a strong edible or a psychadelic substance. I remember an intense feeling of unease, as my perception of what reality and self is changed. I became aware that nothing about "me" is "original", my name was given to me by my parents, the language which I use to describe myself was also given to me, but this time from society. Thus, not only is my name and the language I use not of me, but instead given to me, and so too is my perception of the external environment - Since thought is in words, and words are taught, do I really have original ideas? Is a tree really a "tree" ? I dont know; however, that experience had me locked in a thought loop, it was definitely a "dark night of the soul" moment. I'm glad I experienced it though, because what got me out of the existenstial unease was emotion. Emotion requires no words, its just a "feeling," subjective and unique to each individual. Mabey this is why emotions can feel so evocative? I dont know. This universe; this Reality, whatever it is, is definitely strange.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

I've personally never done anything of that sort, but psychedelic use is regularly tied to breaking down barriers and in particular facing a form of ego death. Similar parallels can be found in the world of Eastern religions and philosophies with Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism all having processes of dissolution of self. Of course, the Christian tradition is far more ego and theocentric and involves a person deepening a connection with the god while the Eastern methods typically encourage losing the concept of the self as an object and seeing one as part of a greater whole, but both rely on intense introspective experiences to strip away meaning from the world around and rebuild it in what is considered a higher state of awareness. Thanks for sharing, glad to have you here

[@adrianjudea6192]

Thank you!

[@worldofaesthetics2441]

Damn, I am really enjoying your videos. Keep up the good work

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Truly appreciate it my friend, glad to hear your feedback

[@skyhigh00001]

All I can say is Thank you for making this video!!

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thank you for your feedback, glad you found some value in it!

[@skyhigh00001]

@@AdNoctemMedia I found a lot of value in this. I think putting a name on it is a very powerful step forward. To have my inner stresses narrated and illustrated in a video was an amazing experience. I also think it gives hope, not just for me, but for all of us who find this spot on with our own personal stresses.

[@observingatoms]

Can't believe someone else other than me also went through this. Depression affects my daily life so much that i dont know how i m supposed to feel at this moment, why is this happening to me and not to people around me...why sometimes i feel i have overcome this mental disorder but then it appears again...i dont make myself happy but want others to be..i try my best to please them..if they get happy i too..if not i feel like failure... Actually this was my 6 months past self..damn that loop of negative repeating thoughts...my mind was fully chaos... But now i feel better, a lot better..i have tried to stop pleasing people...i should be selfish and give meaning to my life..and not remain a slave to people's feedbacks or concern towards me... Superb video

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm truly glad that this video was helpful to you in some way. It sounds like you've come a long way in determining the circumstances of your life that are important to you and what you need for fulfillment. Hang in there, it is hard to appreciate the cyclical nature of easy and hard times when you are in the hard ones but it will come back around

[@observingatoms]

@@AdNoctemMedia Hy thanks for understanding my feelings your an empath right. I had a shower thought that if all people on earth became depressed, what would the future be like. Obviously at first people would not understand whats happening but soon medical research will extensively start on curing depression. Many backward countries would adopt to drugs for temporary relief. What about our future generation will they be depressed too, how will humanity tackle this problem. Sure our boredom has led us to this much technical advancement, but after a global depression what would the world be like. Pretty interesting dont you think make video or something🤔😛

[@AdNoctemMedia]

I'm actually not an empath at all, I struggle a lot with picking up on peoples' emotions in person. But rather than empathy I'm very sympathetic, and I have to rely on logic but it's easy for me to see when something might be difficult for somebody. Plus it's easier for me over text because I can read someone's word choice much better than their tone or body language. I think people like me who are not very empathic should learn to use their other rational skills to consider other people instead of not trying because they're not naturally talented at it. Your idea is very interesting, I had an idea for a sort of horror story where people start getting chronic fatigue like an epidemic and the healthy people that are left have to do more and more to support all of humanity. It was for the same reason, many people can't or won't understand how difficult issues like chronic fatigue and mental issues make it to keep going at a normal pace.

[@observingatoms]

@@AdNoctemMedia Hmm and another thing that gives us these disorders can be linked to genes and our iq. People with higher intelligence usually rationalise and explain things in their head, ending up stuck in a spiral of repeating thoughts. This is why i cant enjoy things, i try looking at them in a deeper way. Complicating my relationship with any thing arises self doubt as i find some flaws. We must experience things in their original form as well as express ourselves like we feel. At this moment too, i am being very aware of what words to type so that our conversation remains as forward moving as it originally was. Meh i needa put some simpler thoughts inside my head and not repeat second hand phrases or facts which rust my expressiveness. Being anxious all the time because i am too aware about my surrounding,being prepared for any threats. Wish i could exchange this hyper reactive and analytical personality with the one that is simple, expressive and living life to the fullest one type. But maybe those great personalities who changed this world with their ideas, were just like us. They too couldnt enjoy daily life like normal people and wanted to discover something deeper. Haha nice

[@notavailable708]

starts at 5:05

[@pauln9819]

Thanks alot about this video very informative and helpful I could never distinguish between the two feelings

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you were able to get something out of it

[@tulumadas7773]

So relatable 😢

[@tadasl.4310]

Great timing. Also, thank god the thing is temporary.

[@ohhkayy8775]

I'm stuck with integration and the ego. Ego wants to come back, so I'm in a battle. It's tough.

[@vodkacannon]

Ego is an old survival mechanism trying to get us ahead of everyone else.

[@thedarkmaster5404]

Hello there. I found your channel by accident and decided to stick around. I find your content very interesting. I personally dont suffer from any mental disorders or at least I havent been diagnosed with anything but I am nonetheless extremely attracted to psychology and the condition of the human mind. As a byproduct of that curiosity I am also very interested in all of the forms of art. Although unfortunately I will most likely not study the subject in university I do still want to keep in touch with it. I dont know if you will blow up but I personally believe that you do have that potential. Keep up the great work!!!

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thanks for sticking around the channel, it's good to have you here. There are some parts of life - psychology, philosophy, etc. - which I believe are very worth learning even if not at a professional or academic level for the simple reason that we are those things to some extent for another. It's something we do just by being, in my opinion, so it's worth spending some time to think on it. Thanks for your encouragement and feedback, it means a lot

[@AdNoctemMedia]

@TheDarkMaster I truly, 100% appreciate your kind words and encouragement. It really means a huge deal to a small creator like myself. In fairness to Astaroth though, I believe they are just being goofy and playing with the phrase "blow up" as in literally wanting me to explode. I don't think they meant anything harmful or insulting by it.

[@thedarkmaster5404]

@@AdNoctemMedia If thats the case then its fine. I cant discern someones intentions through a few words but I suppose I got a little ahead of myself. The internet has become a really messed up place and as a result I have gotten a little out of touch with how the normal people that exist on the internet are. This time its 100% my fault. It is nice to see you defend your viewers though.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

I get it, I don't think there were intentions on either side. I know there are a lot of bad faith actors on the internet but I've been surprised at the positive interactions I've had in my own comments. I can't tell people what to say or think, but it's important to me to encourage a positive and productive environment in my own space where I can

[@thedarkmaster5404]

@Astaroth No no I am sorry. I complain a lot about how sensitive people are and I did the exact same thing that those guys would do. If anything its nice to have people like you around that make jokes. It lightens the mood

[@In2MeUcU]

BeYOUtiful Truth ❤️

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thank you :)

[@Anakoth13]

Sometimes I envy the finality of death. The certainty. And I have to drive those thoughts away when I'm weak... "Hostiles"

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Hang in there my friend. Use the knowledge of its certainty to remind yourself not to be hasty in wishing for it before your time. This mindset can be used to free you from norms and expectations that don't benefit you and give you the confidence to live a life in the way you believe you should.

[@notavailable708]

How many years where you in dark night ?

[@AdNoctemMedia]

It's hard to give an exact answer since life is full of transformations and challenges. I would say I was deep in the worst of it for a little over a year and still struggling with it in a pretty good way for 3-4 years

[@kojinmaster]

Did you have sleeping problems and how is it now?

[@AdNoctemMedia]

For sure, but mostly due to undiagnosed narcolepsy as well as 70 hour weeks at the time where I was getting off work after midnight and waking up at 6 or 7 am to go to school and do it again, 5 days a week. I was having panic attacks keeping me awake or waking me up in a cold sweat, short of breath and shaking. When I finally did get to a good sleep I could sleep 12-14 hours easily and wake up still exhausted and miserable. You have to take care of your sleep. I think any schedule that forces you to sacrifice it is unsustainable and you will cause yourself problems eventually. I will always have a core sleep disorder (until we can fix entire brains lol) but I honestly think part of my whole experience was a crisis of not taking care of myself and listening to my body.

[@spbattlefield1693]

Hi bro 😊

[@victoriapresser3569]

It's not a great time for me right now, either physically or emotionally and yes, I have had understandable and severe depression for most of my life. The things you suggest still just speak of mindfullness and CBT, when you break it all down, with a little spirituality stirred through. I don't lack spirituality, mindfullness has kept me alive, sometimes only just and the idea that somehow I can deconstruct the way I perceive both my life as it is, meaning both the depression and the pain, since they rule everything now and come up with a way of making it either, go away or change in their nature so much, that I no longer suffer, is simply beyond me. This is not a criticism, merely an observation, am awareness of me, who's done more therapy than most, that whilst I've seen these techniques help other people, they have yet to help me. Don't stop your work, or trying to help people, you never know what might trigger a positive response for someone.

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Thanks for having the honesty and awareness to share that. Of course this video probably is biased because how I helped myself was a combination of CBT, gratefulness/mindfulness, autobibliotherapy etc. and these things tend to be safe practices to start with very low chance of making things worse. Although I got out of the absolute worst of the crisis mode by myself I definitely didn't cure my depression. About 2 years after beginning to work on myself I hit a plateau where my depression was no longer getting better and that's when I finally went to a psychiatrist and made the choice to start antidepressants and that had a huge impact as well. I've also had benefits from non pharmaceutical medical interventions such as TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation). At the end of the day your awareness of your own situation will serve you well, and although it's probably painful now I do think it will help you in the long run. Keep trying and moving ahead even if one day at a time. Wishing you find some peace and some better days.

[@paulholmes489]

First

[@AdNoctemMedia]

Congrat

[@spbattlefield1693]

Hi bro 😊