The Easiest Way To Stop Sabotaging Your Future

[@camronchlarson3767]

Coming back to this video a few weeks later and just wanted to share something that happened to me. I made a list and one of the things that has been burdening me for years is not having many friends since I moved to California. So I decided that I would cross out this 'dream' of having friends, stop trying to build a friend group and focus my time and effort elsewhere. Later that same day two of my neighbors in adjacent apartments were having a conversation outside and stopped to talk to me which led to an hour's long conversation about shared interests and now I have a bunch of people to play D&D with lol. Later that week, I happened to run into another new friend who just instantly clicked with me and I've been over to his house for dinner with his family twice now. Some people may write this off as coincidence, but I definitely believe that since my mind was unburdened by these 'dreams' or goals that I crossed off and gave up on, My mind was in the right place to be open and make new friendships without trying. I feel like I was doing what the title of the video says and sabotaging myself by trying so hard to control my friend group instead of just letting it happen organically.

[@JeremyHansPatrick]

Nice man, proud of you

[@Lucas-uu5em]

omg that's awesome uwu

[@sylvias.3380]

Amazing 🧡

[@SantanaDr809]

that is amazing! thanks for sharing!

[@naomi9413]

thank you for sharing, me and a lot of people are happy for you!

[@flostalzhu1490]

-Make a list of your dreams and regrets and spend an hour crossing off the ones you need to let go -each day complete three tasks: one that takes less than a minute One that takes less than 5 min and one that takes more than 20 minutes

[@JM-ko8qs]

Ty

[@XPCREEPER]

ty

[@powerjolt7215]

Do the tasks need to be different each day or can they be the same? If same then I could do something like: Less than 1 min - make bed Less than 5 min - brush teeth More than 20 min - Clean dishes/do assignment/commit arson etc.

[@junovicz]

@@powerjolt7215 IMO I think you should have those daily ones becomes habits, tasks that you don't do everyday like assignments or any other non-daily stuff should be those three tasks for the day.

[@procrastinathor4594]

My brain: let's make all tasks so they take 6 to 19 minutes so we don't need to do anything 😂 Just joking btw

[@EtherealNature]

To quote Berserk, "The reward for ambition too great is self-destruction."

[@TheOneTheyCallTim]

The really tricky part, for me anyways, is getting used to the "free" time and letting those 3 completed tasks just be. I've been consciously working on this for over a year and the old habit of adding on more is where the addiction lies. Learn to just be and let things become accomplished with consistency.

[@NoLXBL]

It's so difficult lol, I've been putting off my dreams for years, adding more and more crap to my list of things to do and procrastinating completing the list. It's a very sad cycle actually.

[@SIC647]

Years ago I started doing the thing (whatever it was) for 15 minutes a day. I set a timer, and made sure to stop when the timer went off. Knowing that would always stop after 15 minutes made it SO much easier to get started, because it would never turn into a big, overwhelming, multi-hour thing. Just 15 minutes of chipping away at the project. And it ended up making a huge difference. When people say "But 15 minutes is not enough. My huge project needs so much more time", I respond: "But right now you do nothing because you get overwhelmed. So 15 minutes every day will be 15 more minutes than nothing. And if you do it every day, soon you will rack up hours of project time." I still do my 15 minutes most days. Just chugging slowly ahead, more concerned with doing the thing than with getting to the end goal.

[@lucassilvaennes5302]

I phisically feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle that, I have been so used to trying to fill every second of my time with random tasks that it doesn’t seem like an option. But in the end I always end up scrolling mindlessly for hours every single day and blaming myself for wasting all of time. Making real change is tough.

[@kani-licious]

@@SIC647 its still nothing if you have no focused goal

[@duelisticnature6901]

​@lucassilvaennes5302 you're not alone. And making real change is difficult because it sounds big and we're not used to/ aversive to changes. And it's hard to break habits. When I decided I needed to work more on my free time/ develop as a person because I was literally drowning myself in work I actually started to make a list of tasks to cramp into an unreasonable amount of time after work (2 hours at most). But after work I looked at my list and felt overwhelmed about having drowned myself in more work (there's the 'addiction') so instead I scrolled through KZbin videos leaving me with EVEN LESS time to complete my self imposed list. Fast forward a few months and I finally realised that I could never finish the self imposed list of tasks and instead make an effort to maybe complete 1 or 2 each evening to find accomplishment in that. And do pat yourself on the back for doing those. Because in the end doing 2 small tasks of the task list is better than making a list of 15 and not doing any single one of them because the number of tasks is overwhelming. Small steps add up to get you a long way.

[@internetfrnd6496]

This actually makes a whole lot of sense. Late last year I made the hard decision to drop out of college because I was trying to go for my degree and get my optician licenses both at the same time. Well spreading myself so thin caused me to do poorly in BOTH aspects. I still needed a roof over my head, so I dropped out and focused on my licenses. I felt so FREE. Aced my license tests, got a solid promotion and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in recent years. I haven’t completely struck college off my list, but freeing up that load (though painful at first) was the best decision I could’ve ever made. Edit: To also add - I feel that for many of the times I cut a dream, it was because I was in love with the idea of that dream and not the work to obtain that dream.

[@youregonnaburnalright7333]

i can free your other loads any time 🫦👅👅🥵🥵

[@anidiot7060]

"Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing." - Ronald Ulysses Swanson

[@internetfrnd6496]

@@anidiot7060 Preach! I was stubborn af thinking I was special and an exception to burnout hahaha.

[@Muhluri]

@@internetfrnd6496 Choosing to drop out is not an easy choice. Congrats on the success

[@_giangi]

I'm out here smiling, giggling, and laughing out loud. I honestly never thought I was going to be able to find someone that would be able to explain how to live a more fulfilling life in such a simple and comprehensive way. I'm so happy that I did. Your channel has inspired me to work on myself in ways I never thought would have been possible. Thanks Dr. K!

[@TFoxGrowth]

i second that

[@ClumsyToast]

You may also like Jordan Peterson's stuff (his lectures anyway. Check out the call to Abraham) It's very similar and encouraging, and actually simpler in ways.

[@raakata]

@@ClumsyToast yeah simpler but not as relatable (to me). I feel JP's breakdown of personality is by far the most effective, but has a western tinge/mindset. To me it's awfully neurotic too, not JP's personality per se (although you could say he's very neurotic) but just western perspectives never clicked with me because it felt so depressing and hierarchical. I found Dr. K after Dr. P, and the difference in mood feels like night and day. I'll look into "Call to Abraham", but even just the name evokes cultural/religious biases within me.

[@ClumsyToast]

@@raakata yes, please check it out. It is from his lectures on the Bible, but the content is all psychological and not "religious" at all I would say. I would be very interested to hear what you think about that lecture. JP is very neurotic, and that's one reason I like him. I'm like 98th percentile neurotic :/ and also depressed. Feeling happy/joy isn't exactly an option for me, so pursuing meaning is a good strategy I think. Though I do love listening to people like Alan Watts and Terence Mckenna

[@MarieAntoinetteDaCakeEater]

Yeah, I can tell by your profile pic, you're kinda nervous most of the time

[@carpickles]

I 100% agree with the women part. At one point in my life, I figured that I was ugly and not someone worth dating, and accepted that fact. I ended up not treating girls as someone to woo or to impress, but just to treat them as any other individual as a byproduct. Turns out that was how I landed my first relationship :). It didn't end up working out, but just focusing all of my attention on getting to know them as a person rather than playing the mental mind game in my head of what should I say to impress them worked wonders! Also, even though the relationship didn't work out, I know that I am someone capable of being loved, so that has worked wonders on my confidence, and allowed me to work more towards focusing on myself and improving myself.

[@Matt-gw6nc]

Thanks for the comment. It was one that I needed to hear

[@LondonMoneyCashEnterprise]

But what if ur very introverted so u have little interest to get to know people naturally

[@NorthWindAfrican]

Who cares if you ugly? Many girls b ng ugly guys, its your morale/weakness.. First step is to stop listening to girls and read the Quran or bible. It tells us what to do. Great day to you sir 👍

[@randxalthor]

​@@LondonMoneyCashEnterprisenothing wrong with that.

[@twinkiefrost6668]

​@@LondonMoneyCashEnterpriseit depends on what you want. If you want to have a relationship with someone, then you on that because of your introversion you're gonna have to take bigger steps and it might take more time. But you're definitely alright be yourself.

[@bestboy897]

Dr k is a gift to us mere mortals

[@Aquana01]

to us cringe parasocial pepes

[@deioped]

Be careful. That's how cult leaders are born - from people making them one.

[@marcospina162]

​@@deioped I deeply appreciate Dr. K but if he told me to kill my mother and abandon my whole family I would never do it lol. The comment was just a joke of how grateful we are to Dr. K. We all understand (I suppose) that he is not an almighty being and always correct.

[@alokkanojia-js4lg]

Bro Dr. K is a mere mortal too.

[@obsideonyx7604]

Don't be cringe, mortal

[@Pirogok01]

Honestly dr. K I’ve been watching your channel for some years now and dang my life did become better. This month was the first in 5 years when I feel good and happy every day. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have problems or negative emotions but.. I just experience life differently in general. Stuff that would make me nervous and suffer don’t bother me that much anymore. I don’t beat myself up like I constantly did before. And I think the fact that I stopped watching your videos also is an indicator that I healed or at least I’m on a right track that I can go on my own. After so many months without watching your content I stumbled upon this video and honestly I almost cried when I heard your voice. It’s like coming home in the safe place. But also I instantly remembered all these days when I was feeling miserable and watched your videos all day. I made such a huge progress since then. And I could never archive it without you. I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I could do it anyone can. Please don’t give up. You guys can do it too! Thank you dr.K thank you thank you thank you 🙏 ❤

[@justinrosado5177]

I have watched Dr. K for years and can also confirm the same effect. This man changed my life so much that its hard to comprehend. I was a completely different person before i started learning from him.

[@reverendsteveii]

Can confirm "momentum" in dreams/aspirations. Figuring out how to give up on or delay what's not possible and laser focus down to what is possible has changed everything for me. One at a time I got the degree, the career, the partner, the car, the house, everything I wanted. Paradoxically enough, had I tried to focus on all of those things I don't think I would have gotten any of them.

[@rileykrusky5052]

Of course I’m procrastinating when this video pops up on my notification. I immediately clicked this 😂

[@bestboy897]

Yep so is everyone else

[@dickwhite6279]

Gotta make sure there’s a comment like this on literally every video posted.

[@CatGus]

Nu uh this is on my calendar

[@D_Jilla]

Stop procrastinating, you GOOF!

[@rileykrusky5052]

@@bestboy897 I got right onto what I was procrastinating right after the video so it did help

[@nackedgrils9302]

This is one that I really needed to hear. As a very gifted kid who turned out to do nothing with his life, I've cumulated so many bad choices and missed opportunities that I spend most of my time thinking about regrets or things that I'd like to do but never end up doing either. I have like five different projects on the table but they're stagnating because I spend more energy thinking about 10 other project ideas... This is the reason why I wanted to be an art director, I'm pretty good at finding ideas and articulating concepts but I never end up bringing them to life just like I didn't even try to get into school because there are at least five career paths that I'm interested in and can't bring myself to choose. So instead I just work shit job after shit job, take drugs, watch anime, masturbate too much and get older. GG.

[@nineinchthread]

What you gonna do

[@jerome9646]

I think getting labeled as a 'gifted' kid while in school hurts more than it helps. Lots of kids are told this and end up getting complacent. Its ok to encourage and compliment but too much makes them think they are more special than they really are

[@sp123]

Art director is a really hard job to get, requires lots of connections and social skills. It's probably not a job for people like us

[@cjones8976]

"Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first call promising."

[@isabellacoccia7031]

Same

[@Aj-fd4ne]

Summary- A} Let’s go of **burden** , 2} Make 2 columns list ; one dream/goal and other regrets/cringe , now eliminate some C} (1-5-20)min/day - take action to eliminate or make for regret or things to move toward goal

[@MarkusLaumann]

This reminds me of the capture part of GTD (Getting Things Done) where you write down EVERYTHING and get it out of your head and into the organizational system. It only works if you completely trust the tracking system and can let the checklist in your head fall away because everything is written down. This allows you to focus on one task at a time.

[@jorisbonson386]

GTD is useless BS if fundamentally you're not motivated to do the tasks... and no, it doesn't allow you to focus on one task at a time

[@JonDotExe]

To this day (July '23) I have not found a system that allows for functional retrieval of brain dumps into any sort of zettelkasten without a lot of manual intervention. (Which doesn't pair up at all with ADHD) I'm hoping Ai note taking will solve this 🤞

[@MarkusLaumann]

@@JonDotExe I agree. I tried GTD but I was also never able to get past the amount of time and effort required to manage the organizational overhead. There is a version called Zen to Done that does a good job reducing the GTD model to something more manageable. I recommend looking that up.

[@llewodcm20]

​@@MarkusLaumannit works because people always have their phones on them or computer at home... You can always enter something and feel relaxed about not needing to recall just from memory when you need to later

[@danlightened]

​@@JonDotExeYes, that's my fear. I feel like no note taking app can visualise how I can navigate my own mind. (Kinda like Benedict Cumberbatch and his mind palace in Sherlock.) So if I brain dump and can't find the info later, it's gone forever. In reality, anyway I forget a lot of things. And I think there is a way to document somewhat, and not the entirety of our brain content. But like you say, I don't know how much of a mammoth task it's going to be and if it's really worth it. Anyway, here goes: Mind maps have to be a part of it, I feel. Something that helps with visualizing. Now the issue with mind maps are they have a starting point that branch out as a tree and don't interact with other trees. Like say, one is history and the other geography but it's needed that these two interact. So what we need is a complex mind map which is also known as a concept map. Now, each of these topics, sub topics and so on can have like a short description of your own or maybe a cheat sheet or infographic and maybe hyperlinked to articles on the web or a simple wiki page. Another way could be like having a local wiki of your own. As in, instead of hyperlinks to the web, they could be articles saved to your Evernote or Pocket and only the things you have highlighted show up as bullet points when you hover over a topic.

[@kylespevak6781]

10:44 a lot of men need to hear this. All too often guys are focused on some kind of end result like getting the girl to like him that he isn't being his real self and is actually kind of working to manipulate the person. It's so weird that dating is supposed to be one of the most intimate things but we're essentially treating each other like objects

[@tracyzimmerman7912]

Dreaming can also be a way for children who are being abused to deal with the pain. I know because that's how all of it started for me. I wanted better because I never had better. I thought I squashed my dreams but they stay and torment me. This make a lot of sense.

[@TheJester-ct5pi]

The whole cognitive load concept is very interesting. I know if I start slacking on my responsibilities, the more likely I am to feel "overwhelmed", and turn towards video games, alcohol, i.e. procrastination, and I'll be stuck in that state of low energy/ low mental capacity only until I can force myself to get these chores done, then I feel much less stressed and no longer procrastinate with these behaviors. Interesting!

[@russmack11]

This is the single most useful piece of information I have received in my adult life. This explains the entirety of the last 5 years of my life. I am going to make a list...

[@alokkanojia-js4lg]

Great! Thats what we're here for.

[@Poppomatic64]

I’m feeling the same thing entirely

[@delverdesol]

agreed

[@AlfyDC]

Wow, the timing of finding this video couldn’t be better. My last therapy sesh was literally about how I have too many things/goals pending in my mind and I should just focus on doing 1-2 things at a time. No wonder I kept feeling so “paralyzed” mentally.

[@itskristinawithak]

This is why so many say to “let go and it will come to you”. Still something I’m working on as someone who overthinks a lot😢

[@rachnasahu7838]

This is what I exactly needed... Had been bright once but stuck in a rut for the past 5 years, missed really big opportunities, never took steps towards my big dreams due to financial reasons but kept ruminating about it, never found happiness in a great job I had. Thank you Dr. K I am definitely going to follow through your guidance. 🙏

[@snaggiz]

This also speaks to the fact that there is no “easy” way. Letting go is hard, so is growth. It might be the *easiest* out of a long list of very hard things. Credit to each and everyone on their journey to a better life, whatever that looks like. I believe in you!

[@davidmorrison7323]

Literally gold. Thank you!

[@krzysztofmathews738]

This a very deep insight. After my mother died, I had to reconcile myself to the idea that while she was a very accomplished ceramic artist, this was not a media that I could give my time and energy to (I work in other art forms). As you say, it actually was liberating to realize that I did not need to carry that legacy forward, but rather focus on my own strengths in other media. Great subject for thought!

[@Pixelynx]

Over the past several years, I started to learn to be more mindful about what I commit myself to. [Though still get stuck with a bit of decision paralysis there.] Recently I custom painted a terracotta pot for my cousin for her birthday. Which was definitely more work than that picture I had told her I'd draw her like 16 years ago, but since it was during the period I had grown very depressed, I had no motivation/inspiration, it never got done and I never stopped thinking about it; especially around her birthday...Even during periods I almost never saw her. 😭Finally got that off my chest doe. ❤

[@calacestar]

After I got the 3rd highest degree in my country, I wasn't sure what to do. So I got the 2nd highest, and again I didn't have a perspective. I decided to study and didn't like it, so yet again I didn't have an outlook into the future. So I started an apprenticeship. Two weeks ago I finished my exams and I should've applied for a new workingplace about three months ago. And yet I still don't know what I want, what my goals and ambitions are, and what I want to achieve. Conclusion: *Time doesn't change you, you must do it yourself.*

[@krox477]

Stop chasing goals

[@deon6045]

That rings true. At one point in my life, I decided to "let it go," and just accept whatever was going to happen in life, rather than dwell on things I wanted. I felt a lot better. My problem is that I didn't do anything since then. I don't know if I started leaning on all that again or not.

[@itskristinawithak]

There was a time when I felt super stuck and stagnant and i just couldn’t get myself to be motivated to do anything outside of my routine. I was also having dreams of ex friends. So I realized I needed to reach out and clear the air in order to move forward (is closing this chapter of my life) soon as I did it, I felt huge relief and weight off my shoulders and I no longer felt as stuck. Point is Dr K knows his stuff very well 😅

[@mastrDC]

Summary of what I learned: - your brain is overloaded by unfinished tasks and unrealised dreams - write down all your dreams and tasks - scrap/eliminate some dreams and tasks - every day do 2 small tasks and plan for one larger task or dream Result: your todo list in your brain gets cleared and your brain overload will disappear == liberated mind.

[@cory99998]

Very true for perfectionism. Creating an impossible goal in your mind you always fall short of. Would be better to not have that attachment and pursue the fulfilling part of that goal rather than the idealized version of it. For example being an amazing artist vs expressing myself through my art. One is not on my roadmap and the other is what I truly desire to do and can start today. And if I was holding onto being an amazing artist, maybe reframing it as 'being the best I can be with the time I have' and coming up with an actionable improvement plan would be the play.

[@mr.marmot39]

thanks for sharing!

[@chrisvainio]

Dr. K, as a 20 year front line service provider who has just absorbed any professional development opportunities he could get his hands on, I have to say that watching a few of your videos has been more beneficial than thousands of dollars the government has ever spent on training me. On a lot of it though, you tie a lot of pieces together that I already had a good instinct or school of hard knocks understanding of. 20 years of service work also gave me too many dreams. Excellent video.

[@Tutorial_Savvy]

Being burdened with the memories of past makes me feel like everything works out for everyone and not for me, why do only I fuck things up and I never say no to toxic people like why everyone is moving ahead and I'm constantly falling behind and today I got to knew that this was my fookin' system overload cuz' I had a lot of dreams and traumatic experiences with friends and family.

[@fR33Sky]

It's so uplifting to hear about "cognitive RAM" since I tried to develop the same approach to handle my depression by myself update: also, about "background tabs", I came to the conclusion that I should reflect on them by utilising two premises: 1) I shall not judge myself on the matter of not having a specific skill or knowledge in the past that I have nowadays 2) The memory causes me to feel in a certain way for a reason; I shall identify it, understand how modern me thinks on the matter and draw some conclusions for the future And that helped! (not to avoid clinical depression tho)

[@JeremyHansPatrick]

Yea, if I ever cringe at the past I tend to go and tell myself that I cannot hate the past me for making a particular choice, because I respect that the past me did it to his best judgement. Maybe it was a shit decision in the end but it is what I happened to chose and now I know better.

[@chrisethan1246]

Yogis discovered this. Every dream that you have becomes an incomplete karma, and every person that you have wronged becomes and incomplete karma. So your brain holds on to these things. Its keeping track subconsciously of them. This affects our mind and weighs it down. Our cognitive function just like ram becomes heavy. So as this happens our ability to complete tasks actually decreasing. The more incomplete dreams you have. the more your mind stores this in your RAM. And your ability to realize a dream becomes sabotaged because it is burdened by other stuff. To accomplish our dreams. We have to unburden our mind. Make a list of all regrets and all of your dreams. And scratch each of them off one by one.

[@tile-maker4962]

DR K IS SO RIGHT!!!!! I've learned this when I had a crisis in my life. The only issue is, how do you tap into it?? The way I tapped into freeing-RAM is that I found what mattered to me the most... Authentically answering to the meaning of my existence. I use to read audio books of the Dao De Jing. It just clicked for me. It wasn't about religiosity, it was about how you connected with everything. To [free up your mind], you gain all love and harmony to fill those areas. The rest is given to time. *Imagine an old man at the end of his life with an intention to be come a king...* of his own personal harmony.

[@123MJP123]

Very well said Dr. K. Letting go is so freeing and empowering. Reminds me of a verse from my Catholic religious tradition. 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

[@myaowl55]

0:15: 🌙 Dreams can be harmful and prevent us from accomplishing our goals. 3:21: 🧠 Apologizing to people you've wronged can help develop the willpower to resist addiction by reducing cognitive load in the brain. 6:53: 💭 Our minds hold on to incomplete karmas, which can surface at inconvenient moments. 9:54: 💡 The speaker discusses the importance of crossing off tasks on your to-do list to free up cognitive load and shares their personal experience of becoming celibate. 12:38: ✨ Letting go of dreams and focusing on existing goals can lead to gaining positive momentum and completing tasks. Recap by Tammy AI

[@electricalbatross5797]

Funny seeing this when I'm finally, for the first time in over 10 years, trying to figure out what my "dream" or goal should be. I've all but given up on life after a set of traumas in my past, and I'm finally starting to work through them. I just got to a point where I'm tired of letting life pass me by and I don't want to live with the regret of not doing 'something' while I still can. The mental RAM illustration helps, as I'm finally starting to close the book on everything that's happened to me and start over.

[@kikitauer]

The great stuff, as usually. I don't know about karma or things like that. But four years ago I got diagnosed and fully realized I am not capable to effectively use my working memory. I started to use MS Notepad to make notes as a coping strategy. The notes eventually became lists and to-do's and those evolved to plans. Some years later I found Notion which externalized my brain almost fully. My mind is beyond recognition. The only thing I need to remember is to note everything and not forget to look. I have it opened always either in my computer, work's computer and/or my phone. The freedom is unexplainable and life transforming. I will never forget anything I don't want and yet I don't have to remember anything. I recommend to everyone to start writing everything down. It will transform your life as well, it is the biggest superpower. I am still going to do this unburdening exercise though because it will help me to come in terms with my past. Something I didn't do yet - and this exercise is very elegant.

[@AzzRushman]

Something that helped me to chase my dream is to create "sub-dreams", and to treat them with much more regard than the "main dream". (This is pretty similar to the well-known method of dividing a big problem into small, less daunting tasks.) Say your dream is to develop videogames. Most average-good videogames require A LOT of diverse talents; world-building, narrative, character design, music, art direction, sound effects, and more (including a really important one, teamwork). So, you create a "sub-dream" of whatever game-development skill you want to focus on, say "Programming". Again, the dream of becoming "good at programming" is a really difficult task if you don't choose another "sub-dream", so you might want to create a third-level dream of "Proficient at Python/C++/whatever". Even there you might want to create yet another dream of "AI programmer (characters)", or "Game programmer (user end)" and so on. As you find big enough challenges, you create more "sub-dreams" to encapsulate them, and try to always care more about the most recently created sub-dream, without completely forgetting about each and every sub-dream that brought you there, since those will be used for motivation and direction towards the almighty Main Dream. Eventually you'll find that your most recently created dream is quite achievable and that it's also pretty clear on how to work towards it. Sorry about the wall of text, and thanks for reading, to whoever is on the other side.

[@3n1o]

Just want to say this channel, changed my life, thank you.

[@BuildYourPerch]

Ditto

[@lynguyen2342]

It's true I had weird dreams about one person for years and before seeing this video I decided to write down why I shouldn't have those dreams anymore. It is liberating 😊

[@moshtradamus92]

I owe so much and am so grateful for Dr. K. The wisdom he has shared on this channel over the years has been invaluable in my journey with mental health. I feel so heard, understood, comforted, and hopeful when I listen to him. He's one of the extremely few people in this world to me that just gets it when it comes to traversing Major Depression. He's been a beacon of light in my darkest moments, and while I sit here reflecting on the progress I've made in my personal life these past few years, I can't help but think of how much is because of Dr. K. His videos drop in such an uncanny and almost magical way of coinciding with the problems I face; that constant, consistent support has been so incredibly crucial in helping me that I struggle to put it into words. He has taught me so much about rediscovering who I am as a person that is not defined by my depression. His ability to change my perspective and views that I've felt were concrete about myself has been the catalyst of reincorporating so much change and reopened my growth mindset that I thought I had lost so long ago. He found his calling in life in helping people find theirs, especially people struggling with mental illness. I've taken so much of his advice and applied it in working with my own personal therapist that I think I can honestly say he's saved my life. I hope one day, somehow, I can meet him in person and personally thank him. Sorry for the tangent; just felt like I needed to get this off my chest. Infinite love & gratitude ❤

[@celeste-rp1gg]

It's the same for me! This is what I think about whenever I watch his videos. I'm so grateful and I'm sure I will continue to lean on these lessons when I need

[@sylviaodhner]

This is actually really helpful. For me, I find that just having a written list of my life goals gives me peace of mind. The high-priority goals are at the top in a separate section, and correspond with whatever I'm working on on a daily basis. The other goals are things that would be cool but I'm not actually attached to accomplishing them at this point in my life. If I have this stuff written down, I don't have to be remembering it all the time.

[@VotEtoPizdets]

This channel is incredible. As a lifelong student of the psychological disciplines, I cannot praise this channel enough. The way Dr K can take the complex and reduce it into several short and simple sentences is a rare gift. Carl Jung was capable of doing this quite well, and while Dr K unfortunately isn't Jung, concurrently it is also fortunate that he is not Jung. Dr K has his own way of doing things and conveying ideas and perspectives that truly benefits today's population. Don't let his humble demeanor fooll you folks, his comprehensive grasp of the technical aspects of Neuroscience is incredible. Point being, Dr K knows his shit. I love listening to his perspectives. I've studied clinical, forensic and social psychology for over 22 years and I've studied Neuroscience ever since I found Publishings by a man named Dr Panksepp back in 2005. I still learn things from this channel. It is invaluable and I can see tremendous potential for society to benefit from Dr K immensely. Please people, view more of his content and help better yourselves, no matter how good you believe your life is, he can help make it better. Best of luck to all of you!

[@jighflaukst]

Thank you, Dr. K. From the bottom of my heart, I am glad that I came across your channel. Because of you, I am starting to feel a light in my life that I haven't ever felt before.

[@Renee11123]

Wow, just wow. After watching this video, I had a major lighbulb moment. Dr. K, this video came at the right time and I'm glad I watched it. I have so many dreams and an overburdened mind that I can't think, let alone have the energy to do day to day tasks. Even when I need to sit down and do something hard, whether I want to or not, that incomplete karma appears at the worst time just like you said. Again, thanks for this insightful talk.❤

[@anthonymyers4516]

As an epileptic...my cognitive load is always immense, and filled with a form of guilt. Even when I know that it's people just being people, looking out for themselves...I still find a way to almost point the finger at myself, and start thinking about ways I should try to fix the relationships. I also always give myself too many dreams(if you would) as well. I have too many high aspirations for myself, that I know take time to start or build up to. Leaving me behind sometimes(kind of a reference to one of your last videos). The less calculated risks I take, the more I realize I live. However...I am addicted to calculated risks. These types of videos are helpful because it kind of reminds me to just live with less thoughts, and I'll end up with a more confined future. Stay up, stay positive everyone!

[@NM-cs6ih]

this video is just meant for me. my dreams were so big that even after i get some of these..it is not enough for me. i sabotage a decade of my life.

[@LooseArrowBoy]

I can relate to the idea of karma baggage. In high-school I had a friend I grew close to. Due to social in experience, jealousy, and misunderstanding from both sides we pushed each other away. After years I could not get over the fact I let them down, or that it was their fault, or it was my fault. Even when I forgot I would eventually remember it. One day years later I decided to reach out and just layout everything I felt, what I thought happened, and that I was sorry. I learned more about how they felt, how it was just genuine misunderstanding and how we mutually felt at fault. I'm not going to say that prevented me from pursuing my goals, but after that several hour phone conversation so much baggage that was arguably insignificant was gone and I felt at peace with myself, at least in that aspect of my life. It definitely helped me navigate my current relationships, to be decisive, to be clear and communicate. Sometimes you just need closure to move on and it might require you to honestly admit fault and apologize. Maybe the other person doesn't care, but it's more about yourself and truly letting go.

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Do you by chance keep in touch with him on social media such as Facebook?

[@LooseArrowBoy]

@@PraveenSrJ01 we have each other's socials. They live and work out of the country so we try to hang out when they visit their family.

[@destroyerinazuma96]

There's a song called Sekai no Owari, ends like this: "We all sometimes may stumble and fall in the darkness, but the light of the end of my dream shall illuminate a new road for me."

[@ahuggingsam]

This video was really powerful for me. One topic that I'd love for Dr. K to cover is almost like the opposite of making amends: forgiving. I want to try the making amends thing, but I also feel ike a lot of my cognitive load comes from people who have really wronged me in the past, and despite trying I just can't seem to forgive them/let that go. I'd love to Dr. K to give us some wisdom on that.

[@feelgoodinc03]

Hey, was wondering if you were able to find a video related to your comment. I also struggle with the cognitive load that stems from the past. In regards to how others have hurt me and whatnot. Was just curious to see if you had found something that worked for you, or helped you on your journey.

[@manojprabhakar9111]

You gave me freedom. I can literally feel your words and ideas soothe my mind which was muddled with unachievable dreams. I feel peace now❤

[@ultimaacademy]

I don't even have words for the love and respect i have for hearing "gg noob" as part of an educational video by a doctor/ex monk. This guy deserves the whole world.

[@SurfyStories]

What an underrated channel. Straight to the point, no bs, no unscientific crap. Instant sub.

[@wildeskompositum9556]

Nah im too busy daydreaming about the perfect famous lives i have. Thanks alot Dr.K, you cant imagine how much this helps!

[@Stovetopcookie]

You can do anything. But not everything. Once I adopted that. My stress went down. My focus went up. No where near optimal but improving.

[@juxtapos1034]

this is same with having too many mentors, youtube influencer, conflicting rules of self improvement.

[@TheCheerLifeForeverKromie]

14:00 It did feel like that but so relief.

[@paulmares9815]

2:50 Exactly my case, but not with/because of substance/alcohol abuse, but because of my laziness & procrastrination and ( so many ) unfullfiled promisses ( to others but also to myself ). Just today I apologized to a friend of mine, because I kept on holding on editing some photos and doing some illustrations for him and his band. It's literaly like clicking a task/tab away that had been lingering in the backround for wayyy too long.

[@eonryan8491]

6:25 - ex: the one that got away 8:26 - exercise to unbirden your mind 9:25

[@wabdab3459]

"My dream is to pay attention to the 1-5-20 rule"

[@ksen_kryvonos]

Oh, now I see why I feel so good after I clean up all my mess with my plans in my planner, clean my notes, my saves, watch later etc)

[@epistemophilicmetalhead9454]

Opioid withdrawal is more painful than childbirth and stage 4 cancer? Unburden your mind and make amends. Go take care of stuff that's bothering you or you remember about doing. List all your regrets and dreams. Let it be a huge brain dump. Either check it off or strike it off (take some time to grieve about this thing you're letting go of) Everyday, tackle one task that takes less than a minute, one that takes less than 5 minutes and one that takes more than 20 minutes. Start with 5 days a week If you're burdened with the cringe and the hurt from the past, it'll be a load on your mind and you'll reach out to unhealthy coping mechanisms and won't be able to accomplish your dreams

[@f0nd004u]

I think this video has really good advice. You’re basically talking about closure. Sending stop signals to those processes, and letting the energy be reaped back into the system. One thing I think is very useful for “anti-cringe” is owning my own reasons for making the decisions I made in the past. I may have doubts that I did the right thing. But if I discover reasons for the choices I made as I live through my choices, even if I did the wrong thing, I made it into the right thing. If I at least understand why I did the thing that I did, it may not be justification but a reason allows me to close the door.

[@BrookChegwin]

I didnt know at first how to cross some of my desires off, some of them felt so necessary or abstract, and that crossing them off a piece of paper was meaningless and didn't actually help me at all. but its felt so nice. I've been crying for the past ten minutes writing down and crossing off some of the biggest loming insecurities that have paralyzed me for so long. things so basic like "being smart" "being extroverted" "being interesting" "being attractive". being smart was a big one, i feel so useless and incompetent and forgetful all the time (bc of adhd i think), but I've just crossed it off the list and cried about it and actually FEEL like doing my assignments for the first time, not just wanting to or feeling i have to, because i feel less scared of failing now. i dont want to be afraid of failing of being bad or having a less than average life anymore. the list stuff works i think, my remaining goals are just "be healthy" and "be kind", mainly aimed at myself. i haven't done regrets yet tho, i know they weigh me down too.

[@hagoryopi2101]

What do you do when you still feel "cringe" for things you've already apologized for? I've found that everyone else has an easier time letting go than I do. They'll say it's fine, move on, go back to treating me normal, but I'll still feel unsafe, like it will be brought back up at any moment if I slip up. Or I'll feel pressured to apologize for things that, by all normal reason, shouldn't actually be wrong. I'll apologize for things that people will tell me not to be sorry for, and still feel bad for it afterwards; or even which people tell me to feel bad about, which I know I shouldn't, but desperately want to anyways. A philosopher I like summarized what I'm feeling as "unearned guilt," which helps a bit, but I don't know how to overcome it.

[@porterlyman490]

I'm not qualified in any way, just my own thoughts. If nobody is holding anything against you, and you still feel the cringe, I would suspect you haven't apologized to yourself and likewise forgiven yourself. At that point the only person digging up old garbage is you. As far as how one forgives themself and let's go, I'm still trying to figure that out...

[@-ivi-]

As bizarre as it might sound, try to let yourself feel that guilt/cringe for some time and don't do anything else with it (as in feel the emotion, but don't engage with it, try to shoo it away or distract yourself from it). As Dr. K mentions regularly - noticing and observing is key. Also, be patient with yourself :) It takes some time to get familiar with uncomfortable feelings. I wish you all the best on your personal journey(s)!

[@SpookiDoki]

Had written a similar comment myself before seeing yours so even tho I'm not op, thank you guys for the advice

[@hagoryopi2101]

@@-ivi- that's definitely hard. Sometimes, it's a flashback to those moments and how overwhelmingly ashamed I felt at the time. Other times, it feels like a flash-forward, preempting problems which I fully believe will happen because of those past moments or because of how little progress I've made ever since, that I'm not actually going through in the present and that practically never play out in the future, yet which feel as real as the flashbacks when I'm thinking about them. It feels like I *have* to engage with them to "solve" them before those problems arise, or like I have to just distract myself from them to make them go away. But like Dr. K says in the video, all it ever ends up doing is sabotaging me, exhausting me trying to solve problems that never end up arising, or keeping me trapped in counterproductive coping mechanisms which don't help me live the life I want. I'll try being more patient with it. Meditation definitely helps. I just wish I could meditate and make progress at the same time, because as soon as I stop meditating or distracting myself in other ways, as soon as I try to do something productive, I have a lot less control over it. But that's part of the process, I guess. Thanks for your help!

[@EatMyShortsAU]

Life is hard and we only humans, I think we are recognise this. We all mess and sometimes hurt people we love and care about. Most good people are more forgiving than you think and if you have wronged someone that is an opportunity to show that you care. I am now in my later 30's and I look at when I was early adult between say 18 and 28 when I started working, finished my school, started drinking, started doing drugs/partying and I did some bad shit I am not proud but you live and you learn to mature in to a better person. My point is you can't live your life feeling guilty, we all make mistakes, you only be a good person going forward. Feeling guilty is not going to produce optimal outcomes people currently in your life.

[@daimsaeed]

I swear man send me back 10 years and I will light the world on fire

[@fleetingegos]

This video comes at a PERFECT TIME (as always)! Thank you Dr K, I have had a HUGE mental block and creative block and this is exactly what those were comprised of. 🌱

[@nathalik1]

I watched this video last night, and I started taking action for the things that I felt like its important. I felt free yesterday, but today I'm doubting myself again. It feels weird, because I knew I had to apologize to a few people, and I know now how they feel about me. I know deep down I wanted their friendship back, but it's just not going to happen. I am not fine with this, but this time I'll accept that I did what I did, and did what I could to them.

[@TheMazais100]

Great thumbnail. Story of my life 😂. But seriously listening your videos at work , about 2 week's now . Feeling huge difference in my head. Tanks a lot! You officially become my mentor.

[@chrisvainio]

It’s very interesting, I hosted an AGM just last night before checking this video out, and had been put in many extremely difficult situations like I’ve never seen before, but today the weight of the world seems very lifted, and I’m even wearing the patch. Day 1 of quit smoking. I didn’t think that this video was going to hit on some of these other things. Just happen to be relevant to me right now. Dr. K, you are the best.

[@AlitaMee]

I ahve been watching you since a month and it happens that i have been getting some knowledge getting some nudges and then suddenly one line from one of your videos just hit me like a thousand bolts and i am like yeah now i can "see" , oh now i get it . I have many many many unfulfilled dreams especially because of maladaptive daydreaming. This makes so much sense now

[@games68775]

Yea explains a lot. I have so many potential things I'd do in my head that when I'm doing something those alternatives are always lingering, making me think twice.

[@pvt.pineapple9008]

Story time: Years ago I held onto a very toxic mindset. I had a dream that required constant sacrifice, effort, and energy. I held onto this dream for years, passed up countless opportunities, no back up plan, cut off anything that would deter me from investing into that dream. I put my chips all in, burned any bridge that wasn't involved with it. Recently, I had a major body change that stopped me from pursuing what I thought was MY PURPOSE. Now after years of mental work, therapy, and forgiving myself, I've found a new path in life that opens my eyes to the horizons. I still have that warrior spirit, but I've stopped drinking the Kool-Aid and see life as it truly is now. Chase your dream, but keep your eyes and ears open as your going down that road. Life is never a straight line.

[@kylespevak6781]

This makes a ton of sense since I am not one to worry. A lot of people I know seem to have tons of things on their mind as well as worries and aren't as mentally strong

[@EfrainMeza]

spot on with that wanting to achieve so many dreams it’s hard to focus on one… i’m a self starter and like being productive, i can do that about half my day and boom overwhelmed 😨

[@ashkansnake]

I never thought about dreams this way. Grateful for you sharing this 🙏

[@izio1111]

The strain on my mind from the depression makes my body feel so heavy. I know I should start studying for college and stuff like this short course I have stalled for the longest time, but man its hard to do things without drive. I try my best to force myself to get up but have been idle for about a whole year now. Dropped out of college earlier last year and will go back this year.

[@KECOG]

Dr. K has been a huge help to me, especially now since I’m on my own. I had to deal with a marriage that wasn’t a great one, then when my husband passed, I suddenly had a lot of time to myself, to deal with the past. This video among others has helped to crystallize my path to personal better mental wellness. Thank you, Dr. K, for posting this video. I myself decided on a similar choice that you talk about; that of “deleting” all of my uncorrectable regrets, almost a year ago. I also decided to temporarily remove ALL goals other than survival. Later, when I have more available “mental RAM”, I’ll go back and reinstate more/original goals and dreams; I am forming a bucket list even now, to start on some new and fresh things.

[@PinkPulpito]

We have unhealthy attachments to the idea of something. We spend our days chasing shadows and illusions instead of the tiny steps each day that are necessary for any long journey.

[@ericdraven3654]

One of the best videos I have ever watched. The funny thing is that this is exactly what I have been doing recently. Writing things off my imaginary to-do list of dreams. And I have started feeling so well. And I have found myself doing things that I had been putting off. Now I understand why. Thank you Dr K. I wish I had known you 20 years ago.

[@TheRecoveringCreative]

This makes so much sense!! My overwhelmed brain absolutely understands this. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@markrcca5329]

These are good lessons. It's a reminder of how multiple goals compete for your attention and can overload you. What would really be useful to me is a video on how to balance an intellectually intensive job with working towards a new goal which jas challenges of It's own. I will be leaving the first job in 2.5 years, but I still have to do it for now. The problem isn't having enough time; but having enough "attention energy" for both; much like these uncompleted projects discussed in the video.

[@sammarks9146]

This sounds like the story of my life. I'm so interested in so many things, that it's almost impossible to pick a direction and just 'go with it', which leave me with a long list of unrealized possibilities.

[@illssolution5720]

Heart embrace, Dr.K! You just saved my life.

[@anormaluser5750]

I admire the work this channel has done for the community, thank you so much Dr. K

[@JackofThings]

I love this man so much. He's helped me so much more than anyone has in my life. I feel like I can finally take steps to being the person I want to be, but of course, the me now is already perfect :)

[@ralunix4612]

What do you do if you have no dreams, except one and its basic like " I want peace." And life won't let you cause you keep having money issues, family issues, heath issues.

[@fadence]

By the sounds of it, your dream is not to have money issues. So I wouldn't say you don't have any dreams

[@chomcat9919]

@@fadence they still have those familial and health issues tho, so it's not just not dreaming about having no money issues.

[@krox477]

You should describe what peace means to you

[@undyla-chan1675]

You know, this reminds me of something that happened to me. When I was younger, due to an abusive family situation I had no idea that my actions could affect other people, because I thought I was just this miniscule thing no one cared about. Because of this, I was one of those people who would just rant about anything to the point of looking like I had constant mood swings. Then, I met a friend group that acknowledged my opinions enough to realize what I was doing, and I stopped expressing everything I thought, having now realized the potential weight of my words. It was so hard for me to figure out why, even though I was without my family and with people who acknowledged me, I felt more saturated and empty at the same time that I had ever felt. I have very recently realized that even though it was terribly toxic, my constant ranting did actually free up my mind and I was able to live a good life within myself at least. I am currently in the process of figuring out how to balance these things, but it is really interesting. Before, I had always wondered why people always felt so bottled up, and I didn't understand it. Now, I'm more like what I would consider normal, which unfortunately means that I have to relearn how to let go of the issues that trouble me.

[@lilyl5492]

The Crappy Childhood Fairy has a 'daily practice' for helping get out things you need to vent or let go of without having to put it all on others, it's pretty good for self-regulation... she has a free link to it under all her videos

[@undyla-chan1675]

@@lilyl5492 i just checked her out, holy shit dude you nailed it. I had never seen someone put into simpler words all the stuff i just described, thank you for recommending her channel to me :)

[@slept_earlier]

There is so much gold in your videos, Dr. K. I really should have a notebook just for all the things I'm learning from watching your videos. Thank you so much for doing what you're doing! :D

[@0Riyos0]

This channel is so incredible I literally want to cry.

[@mariaalforque6430]

God bless your channel. You've helped me change the way I think ❤. More power to you

[@bewaterthroughstone9477]

My biggest struggle, up till now. Thank you.

[@danlightened]

Us ADHD folks really go on new rabbit holes every few days and take on new projects every other month. Many times, it's not good enough to sell or enough expertise to get a job. So, I recently realised, at least I can document my research which could a good starting point for someone getting started on that niche. And it could act the same way for me too, if I get renewed interest in that field. I wouldn't have to start from scratch. But most importantly, like you said, it gets it off my mind. I really need to close the tabs in my head and on my browser, because I literally have nearly 10,000 of them open.

[@eddebrock]

-Find purpose- -Make friends- -Find happiness- -Discover reason to live- Boy, dreams really do weigh you down...

[@NorthWindAfrican]

Just follow Abrahamic way of life and youll be fine.

[@justinrosado5177]

Hes not saying to giveup on your dreams alltogether thts not the point

[@justinrosado5177]

Its better to not do too many things at the same time. You can cross off a dream and tell yourself tht it will not be your focus for the next 2 to 3 years, and it will still have the same helpful effect. You're basically narrowing down your tasks to what is most important so that you put your full energy into whats important in the present. For example with your list, you could say "the next 5 months to 1 year i will focus on finding purpose". and still have the rest of the list crossed of. Once you find purpose, go back to the list and uncross "make friends" that is your new single task for another year. etc etc. thats another way to do it

[@PraveenSrJ01]

I’m 39 going on 40 years old and I love 💕 working at Wegmans in retail. It is a great place to work and I hope to work there until retirement in 2053 when I am 69 years old.

[@trickytrilobite]

You always discuss topics exactly when I need them 💜 this makes so much sense. I’ve done this before without knowing how much of a burden it was gonna take off my mind. It’s nice to fully understand how to do it actively

[@lifestoryguy]

I'd have thought one of the easiest things people could do would be to focus on one goal in each key area of their lives. For example, the following could be a good start and help people achieve their dreams. 1) Finance: Set up a direct debit for $100 or £100 per month that goes into an investment vehicle to capture the benefits of compound interest and achieve big financial goals like financial freedom. 2) Health: determine what level of health you need to live your lifestyle, then do a physical activity at least 3 times a week that helps you maintain good health. Pick one you enjoyed when you were seven as that's the one you're mostly going to be motivated to do. 3) relationships: take the time to audit your relationships. Ask yourself if you are spending time with people who drain you, gaslight you or don't value what you offer. If so, do the work internally so you understand your value and limit your time with toxic individuals then seek out people who nourish your soul 4) time: choose activities or projects that you genuinely value spending your time on then guard this time on these things jealously. Do not let busy work interfere with that novel you want to write, KZbin channel you want to set up or the side hustle that you do, which helps you achieve a cherished dream.

[@flynnanderson81]

I’ve felt so overwhelmed and paralyzed lately. This video was a gift❤️