The Harsher Truth: More Sad Facts to F*

[@brainblaze6526]

Thanks to Keeps for sponsoring this video! Head to keeps.com/SIMON to get a special offer.

[@7-ten]

Stop trying to sell me hair retention products bald man!

[@MrOrchidion]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY! not sure when it is man, but still! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! belated for now - BUT EARLY FOR YOUR NEXT ONE! lol

[@MrOrchidion]

@@7-ten I personally find it amusing as shit lol

[@7-ten]

@@MrOrchidion it is. I was really just adding to the algorithms mostly. But yeah it never stops being funny with a bald man trying to sell you hair retention products.

[@PeterKnagge]

According to my research into the reverse Flynn Effect global IQ scores peaked in 1973 & intelligence has been dropping since the 70s. Sorry bro, you missed out! So just out of curiosity, have millennials learnt how to read a map yet? 😂

[@mikerouch416]

Danny's been re-captured!! Huzzah the blazement has been restored! May the mushroom harvest over runith.

[@chriswillis4153]

"Blazement" 😂 love it!

[@greysonstrachan8395]

@@chriswillis4153The Blazement is actually a canon term. Simon used it in older videos.

[@harleyjo4875]

He escaped?! What the fuck am I paying the Patreon for if the writers are running rampant??

[@edwardphilibin3151]

​@@harleyjo4875You're paying the bounty hunters who tracked Danny down. Obviously. 😂

[@beagleuk3233]

#re-freeDanny

[@necrocomicon8]

Professor oak: Are you a boy or a girl? Ming the clam: I am old.

[@Softsqueakyduck]

The Dumbo/Pinocchio bit had me rolling. The donkey with a cigar just sent me over. 😂 Beautiful job!

[@SecondaryHomunculus]

I have an English Lab. Her toys remain immaculate -- she treats them like her best friends. When we come home from work, or a visitor comes over, she greets us/them with one brought to us like she's sharing her favorite thing with us. She gathers them around her in bed, too.

[@DahliaVonHellion]

Sharing her favourite thing 🥹 that's so cuuute!!

[@joshuawargo6446]

omfg thats the god damn CUTEST THING =x ! WHAT A GOOD GIRL!

[@perkysnood]

I have a pit/weimaraner mix and she gently gnaws on her toys or uses them as a pillow. She loves her plushies.

[@kg-Whatthehelliseventhat]

I am so dumb... i was thinking... English lab... is that like a science lab? Wtf is this person saying, then i realised im the dumb one.

[@WesterossFox]

The takedown of Simon over the Dumbo story was EPIC!

[@kimhohlmayer7018]

Totally agree! I was laughing so hard!

[@andreaski100]

I laughed so hard!!😂😂😂 Wearing head phones while cooking dinner for the fam. The looks....

[@Stonegolem6]

So glad I watched instead of listened like I normally do.

[@mr.potato9449]

Think how much footage the editors get that doesn't make it into the videos . . . they should make their own channel of just Simon being wrong :D

[@letsengrave155]

😂

[@anarionelendili8961]

Simon wants to go back 100 years to be a big brain. Repeat after me: "The Past was the worst." :)

[@AldrickExGladius]

it really wasn't though

[@discordiacreates6669]

Cue him going back in time, pulling out his smart phone and immediately being caught and burned as a witch. Idk, even if 100yrs ago wasn't that bad, I rather enjoy the medical advances we've made in the past hundred years, as well as advances in mental health knowledge because I definitely wouldn't of survived a hundred years ago with my random panic attacks I get

[@gennystout8952]

The Past was the worst 😅😅😅

[@JustHear4DaPopkorn]

Nah, that's just whut the Illuminati whantz you 2 think.

[@googleisacruelmistress1910]

But we could rule them, like gods... Angry gods...

[@curtislindsey1736]

The editing on this video is hilarious! 😂😂😂

[@david762x45]

A couple of things. 1. No tangent timer is a sad fact. 2. Why isn't Simon wearing shoes during his keeps Ad read? 3. I missed Danny's writing on this channel and it made my day that he's back.

[@gabbyt98]

Same

[@ManyTriangles]

Well clearly he only owns one pair of shoes and they take them away when he’s not doing Vessi ad reads.

[@user-neo71665]

I'm not wearing shoes when I watch this

[@sammi3004]

I've just commented this! Lol. Glad someone else noticed this. How often is he shoeless or even barefoot? I'm not sure how I feel about this...haha 😂😂😂

[@cornishcat11]

Danny is back...... YES

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

Fact Boi confusing Pinocchio for Dumbo is somehow entirely on brand for him.

[@timothymallon]

5:55 Quahog - pronounced Co-Hog. And I only know this because of Family Guy. Family Guy takes place in Quahog Rhode Island and the Quahog Clam is named after the town in Rhode Island (or maybe vise versa). Consequently, the Quahog Clam is Rhode Island's official state shellfish. Yep....state official shellfish.

[@randomperson6433]

I’m pretty sure that here Washington the geoduck clam is our state shellfish. It’s equally confusing to pronounce.

[@christinebenson518]

​@@randomperson6433 and weird to prep. I watched a video on them and decided I love seafood, but those don't interest me.

[@chrisbrett5393]

I lived for many years in New England. You are correct on the pronunciation. The word quahog comes from the Narragansett word for "hard clam"

[@zerofox1551]

@@chrisbrett5393 Also my pet name for my exwife.

[@davidmcgill1000]

A show that would've definitely been popular when Simon was at the target demographic age. I just picture Simon as one of those children that never did anything but go to the library and ignore everything going on in the world.

[@claydelaino5852]

Props to the editor make Simon buy you a drink that bit around dumbo was brilliant

[@youtube2snoopy820]

Punctuation is your mystery friend.

[@kianraymond]

Honestly some of the best content KZbin has to offer. I've been watching since the channel was still called business blaze and it never fails to entertain me 😂

[@Wiickles]

Pinnochio. That's Pinnochio, the one with the cigars and the drinking and the turning-into-donkeys. Though Dumbo is also unsettling and depressing in its own right, as a baby elephant born into a circus goes on to have misadventures that include various forms of kidnapping and a drug trip. Weird how the early Disney movies that weren't about princesses were deeply upsetting.

[@kpeggs82]

The ones with princesses were also deeply unsettling. We just try to make it romantic.

[@GerryBolger]

I have it on good authority that I cried whenever the "elephants on parade" part of Dumbo would come on.

[@johngaglione2236]

Most Disney movies have weird things going on and stuff discreetly placed in the background

[@kowloonbroadcast]

may i point out that the new editor is doing their job quite particularly noticeably _dopely._

[@Ninja1up]

Thank you Simon, I was born in 86 and I always found Dumbo terrifying. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy but 3-7 year old me had nightmares anytime I watched it.

[@JUnit41484]

I have similar feelings about James and the Giant peach... Not helped by the fact that my name is James so kids brought it up all the time.

[@Ninja1up]

@@JUnit41484 I loved the book but yes the movie was a horror show.

[@Link-1004]

I was too as a kid. Pink elephant was too much for my child brain to comprehend. I refused to watch my VHS copy. It was probably the one of 4 that were only played a handful of times, due to how scared of those movies I was.

[@kandreasworld4374]

I've only had two birthday parties in my life. One when I was 12 and one when I was 25 and I had to throw both of them myself. My first party, only 2 of 12 people showed up so I had wasted my money on buying plates, cups, and goody bags for ten people who didn't show. My second party was awesome and one of my best memories. Life's a crap shoot. 🤷‍♂️

[@ripvanwinkle2002]

Happy Birthday for your next one! ( hoping to get the good luck ball rolling for ya)

[@trybunt]

Yeah, I've been to a heap of surprise birthday parties, but never had one thrown for me. I've never told anyone it bothers me because I don't want one thrown out of pity, so 🤷 oh well, we can't have it all

[@kg-Whatthehelliseventhat]

Come to Japan next year. Ill buy you a beer!! 🎉🎉🎉

[@ignitionfrn2223]

1:40 - Mid roll ads 3:15 - Back to the video 3:50 - Chapter 1 - Ming the clam vs human scientists 9:25 - Chapter 2 - Peter pan died young & alone 15:50 - Chapter 3 - Why dogs love squeky toys 18:30 - Chapter 4 - A curious birthday on mars PS: Where is the tangent timer ?

[@koolnqueer98]

Lorelei does the tangent timer this is a different Editor

[@nickmurray4900]

The editing is literally perfect!

[@jenniferlindsey2015]

Absolutely LOVE the editing in this one in particular! Thanks for the laughs and fact checks!

[@RealMoukeycat]

Danny's birthday story made me smile. Not what I was expecting from this videos title. I guess you have to get your laughs when you can. Thanks Danny!

[@trybunt]

He absolutely sang happy birthday to himself but was too embarrassed to say so

[@AidanPatko]

Brilliant editing, Danny’s back in the Blazement… it’s a good day.

[@rdarkstorm8414]

The editing for this one was so good I can't look away for fear of missing a sick burn or fun cutaway joke

[@PowPowPixie]

Well done Julian, the editing was absolute perfection. ❤😂

[@Makem12]

I hope you have the day that you deserve Simon.

[@tawnie8550]

God this had me laughing 😂 especially the Dumbo mix up 👍 fantastic!!!

[@bmxerkrantz]

fly all you want Danny. a fall from the basement won't kill you.

[@PeacelordApropos]

Massive props to Danny and our great editor. Kazooo

[@danielscanlon5815]

Haven’t had a Danny episode in ages, love it!

[@kensims8214]

I'm glad to get a Brain Blaze for my birthday... Thank you Simon 🎉

[@SerpentineDeity]

That clam was murdered. You chilled in the wrong place, Ming!

[@Thromash]

Editing is on point.

[@ErinPero-j4i]

Yaaayyy Danny! Love all Simons writer's but as a Blaze O. G. Danny will ALWAYS be number one!

[@bannankev]

The editors are always top notch. I love it! 💜

[@brianleecrim]

I love the edits and effects! Keep it going :D

[@EveryFairyDies]

I did not have "feel sorry for a clam" on my list today, but here we are. And no, we don't have an HR, Simon just pretends we do.

[@moirarussell1950]

Cows do have best friends. Also some cows are leaders and heroes to the other cows. That’s why farmers have crippled old mommas 30+ yrs old that need constant pampering and cost alot of money in vitamins. It’s common sense to love them, not just mushy sentiment. (Mostly)

[@user-neo71665]

Fellow rancher?

[@Talia.Ryn710]

Your in-laws dog is probably sucking up all the energy from your mother-in-laws crystals lol

[@Hash1Suspect]

What?

[@JeeVeeHaych]

@@Hash1Suspect It's a reference to something Simon at times mentioned about his mother in law being into stuff like psychics and healing crystals (the latter to help cure her sick dog, I think).

[@kg-Whatthehelliseventhat]

I wish my mil smoked crystal.

[@no_nameyouknow]

This actually improved my day thank you.

[@quaiacka]

Yes! my saturday blaze fix is finally here❤❤ love your channel factboi, always a pleasure🍻

[@bryanhikes7248]

Congratulations fact boy I joined your channel membership and you're getting my sweet sweet money. Thanks for the exemplary content across many channels.

[@nicoleerickson5271]

Loved Julian's editing on this! Was cracking up!

[@randomramblings2325]

It’s good to know Danny wrote this script. I wonder if he’s made it out of the basement yet?

[@Ella.199]

7:00 god damn it! dont you know curiosity killed the clam!

[@darkdest6664]

The editing is fkn PEAK

[@maxbracegirdle9990]

I think one of my favourite things about BB is the fact that there's different editors and you can clearly pick out which ones which in the first couple minutes..

[@zackattackzack]

Happy new year happy lunar new year

[@lekiscool]

One of my birthdays was a week after everywhere had shut down after rona hit. The only person who sang to me was my dad who was haphazardly singing as he ran up the stairs. (He didn’t stop to sing to me he was like running into the house real quick) When I told him he was the person who acknowledged my birthday that day he was like “oh”. As panic about being in lockdown they were otherwise preoccupied. I did have a friend drop off a bag with candy though before they went to work. As their job wasn’t kind enough to shut down. (Hospitality)

[@nivision]

You've basically described every birthday after about age 30 for me

[@itzDrexzyyy]

Whoever did the editing for this one absolutely smashed it lol, only thing missing was the tangent timer 😂

[@zarasbazaar]

"I want to go back into the past, so I can be revered as a giant big brain." I believe the phrase you're looking for is "Burned for being a witch."

[@nicolecromwell3861]

...I am completely aware of the dog toy sounding like...dying prey. I never wanted to know this fact, I'm glad that others now know this fact.

[@discordiacreates6669]

Same, now all must join us

[@Hillbilly001]

Oh boi! Wake up from a nap and my favorite Lizard Overlord, allegedly, has posted. Well done. Cheers from Tennessee

[@Aemirys]

Top notch meme editing!!

[@simonportlock6405]

as always a splendid video!!! I don't know how I'd cope in life without your channels? :( Simon... what brand are your spectacles? They are such an ace design!!!

[@clandestineespionage5731]

I know exactly where that came from. My ADHD understands your ADHD and it is part of what makes your content and tangents so intriguing to me. BUT, thank you for having channels that limit the tangents, as the science/big brains in my life don' all know how to appreciate all of your intricacies.

[@MoBahar687]

That "Oh no!!" At 9:35 sounds so funny lol like that one family guy character!

[@DahliaVonHellion]

Herbert! haha

[@Sushiopathzz]

The venture bro memes are so on point I love them.

[@BADDEC101]

Best editor! Fact checking the fact-boy. I love it!

[@StigmataTickles]

Smoking and drinking turning people into jackasses is the best visual metaphor ever animated.

[@Surikoazimaet]

The Whistlerverse is ever expanding... HR is not something I expected.

[@NeilCWCampbell]

Casting will be open soon I imagine 😂

[@Thomas-y4r9z]

Amazing editing

[@J30YLK]

This edit is top tier stuff 👌

[@jeremyspurlock6636]

I love how you dubbed in cleveland's oh noo from the cleveland show over simon. That was perfect

[@josefstrauss9017]

The editing and effects were amazing 😂

[@Balthazar97638]

I never expected to see the Monarch from the Venture Bros

[@molly.dog8brooke792]

Dying of laughter from the Dumbo tangent. Poor Simon oml

[@oliverseiler2871]

Who ever edited this video.........BRAVO! So freaking funny.....Thank you very much 😃 👍🏻 👍🏻 Best regards from Germany

[@80schick1967]

This video sent me down a Bobby Driscoll rabbit hole. His story is worse and more f**ked up than you know, utterly heartbreaking! Lots of people have a lot to answer for.

[@ilicarriedoll2843]

JULIAN! I just want you to know that YOU'RE ONE AWESOME EDITOR!!

[@DianaHerrmann]

Simon confusing dumbo and Pinocchio is priceless.

[@kevinmcqueenie7420]

Just as another sad element to the Peter Pan story, it is possible that J.M. Barrie based the character on his brother who died in an ice-skating accident one day before his 14th birthday, and his mother and Barrie himself thought of him as "forever a boy"

[@_kodokami]

this vid is a masterpiece xD I don’t think I’ve ever saw something soo damn entertaining on this site xD THX SIMON!

[@PandoraFoxxBurlesque]

You age hedgehogs in a similar way to clams: counting the growth rings on their jaws, also posthumously. The oldest discovered was called Thorvald, aged 16. He could've had many more years in him, but we'll never know because he was set upon by a dog somebody wasn't properly supervising 😔

[@jamescritchlow3445]

dude that first tangent meme was on point. 10 out of 10

[@jasonhaydock8205]

Simon. The horse and shotgun thought is a scene out of a family guy episode. And i am sure the sound affect afterwards oh no.... is also a family guy quote.

[@tylerdurdin.1982]

Mr.Whistler you are the King of Tangin....and that's ok. I do enjoy these 🙂

[@buckyhermit]

I was half-expecting this episode to go into the fate of the little girl who voiced Ducky in "The Land Before Time."

[@joshcastor1522]

When he says "Danny," it sounds like "daddy" to me and really made the beginning of the video and little more interesting.

[@gr5535]

Belated Happy Birthday Danny 🥳

[@murrayscott9546]

Like up, Danny ! That last one with the cop was truly uplifting. Hope in the shadows.

[@donwebster9292]

OMG. Been waiting for another Danny script!!!!!!!!

[@jenniferhof9448]

I do have a bad birthday memory from when I think I was turning 10. My mother had excitedly planned a party for me, inviting several of the girls from my grade in school, and buying lots of fun party food - including the new-fangled ice cream topping "Magic Shell." The first girl arrived and things were going okay, then 10 minutes....15 minutes....20 minutes went by and it became all too clear that this one girl who's parent clearly decided she should be nice was the only person who was actually showing up to the party. My mother then tried to salvage things by bringing out the cake an ice cream, and snagged the Magic Shell from the fridge. Now, for anyone who didn't grow up in the 80's with this stuff was all the rage, the ice cream topping's schtick is that it's a liquid until it hits the ice cream - and then the cold of the ice cream makes the fats in the topping harden creating a "shell" on the ice cream. So, yeah, she turned over the bottle to decorate the two lonely bowls of ice cream and absolutely nothing came out. The bottle's time in the fridge meant that it didn't even soften up enough to use until about 3 hours later. And bless her, my mom hadn't bought any other chocolate syrup because surely we wouldn't need two bottles of the stuff. Somehow my memory of that day became hyper-focused on the tragedy of the non-Magic Shell, instead of the fact that only one girl (or her parents) had even come to the party. I guess that was my mind's way of keeping me sane at the time.

[@burstingolem8023]

I made the mistake of watching this on a lunch break, and the donkey bit nearly choked me 😂

[@beagleissleeping5359]

18:34 The most memorable birthday I had was the one where my dad called me, not to wish me happy birthday, but to inform me his well meaning but half drunk girlfriend had tried filling out some important paperwork for him, and he needed my help straightening it all out. That was fun.😂

[@antiisocial]

Good one guys!!!

[@reclawyxhush]

'boundless doggy optimism'. I can't help but experience embarassing elation whenever such pearls of style pop up. thx

[@jordanw9204]

5 seconds in and I already know it's going to be a banger of a vid

[@Dumpsterfiregrace]

I just KNEW it was Danny who did this one by the title 🤣✌️💜

[@triptz]

Julian, you master! Simon: well that was a mouthful Cut to the 'deedle deedle Dee' *Chef kiss*

[@891Henry]

As soon as we give something a name, we take it personally when something happens to it. RIP Ming.

[@MaleviahBurned]

idk why but this episode absolutely destroyed me, I've never laughed so hard during a BB before

[@dhawthorne1634]

Fairy dust is hard to find but angel dust works just as well.

[@zackattackzack]

Happy Luna new year

[@Istandby666]

When i first moved to the Mojave desert in California. We got maybe an inch of snow and cars are in the ditch and school was cancelled. Back in the mid-west, snow is a foot tall and kids are walking to school.....lol Living all over the U.S., the weather has been the biggest noticable factor. In Southern Florida the weather goes from the East to the West unlike the other states.

[@MrDan708]

We've got more facts at our disposal than ever, and less clue what to make of them than ever!

[@kanedaku]

09:34 That _Bruce_ voice was too good!.... A little... _too_ good...

[@lorieunicorn]

Dumbo and the HR comment made me LOL. 😂

[@alexthorold3496]

this a new editor? I like this one

[@lukeslayer]

9:02 Simon turned into a deadite from the Evil Dead 😂