The Letting Go Paradox: Make Them Want You

For information on 1-on-1 coaching: www.andrewvanh...
In this video we talk about attachment, attraction, and letting go. So often in life we can find ourselves chasing and pursuing things we believe will make our lives better. In doing this, we often disempower ourselves and end up pushing those very things we desire further away from us. In this video we discuss how this process works, and what we can do to find more freedom and wholeness in ourselves, and allow that in turn to radiate out into the world so we attract instead of repel.

[@huaynaX]

Attachment is the root of all suffering.

[@rubenssz]

*unhealthy attachment

[@JronDon854]

Tinnitus....

[@OrangeMaple-ry8di]

Attachment comes from insecurity

[@jodaisy113]

@huaynaX - words deserving of a plaque 🙌

[@harwindersupra7080]

how to let it go then .??? i been trying so hard to let it to go

When in doubt, be silent and give them space.

[@frankiegates4149]

Does this work? And does this help for a future for both of us rekindling and starting over?

@@frankiegates4149 No other formula is as effective. But silence is no joke and patience. I mean 2,3, 4 months. Sometimes 6 months or a year. But be patient and don't go on social media pretending to be Mr. Popular, it's phony. Just don't post anything that makes you look needy or angry.

[@wathah323]

That is why God is silent

[@RobertSmith-tu7rl]

@@wathah323 deep

[@rizvaldo7209]

Give YOURSELF space. We don't need to give them anything. We must put ourselves first and remember we are whole.

[@Sensei-wx3kx]

Based on my experience, you need to focus on yourself until someone will attract to you because of your worth or value as a person. Do not chase you attract

[@Dasaev88]

Absolutely

[@Dasaev88]

I realized that tryng to chase by 4 years I was never able to get something till I started focusing in myself, then in less than 6 months, I just got to the point that I didnt even know what to pick up, I mean girls, friendships, paths, evertyhing has to start by us not by outside

[@saadlazaar9760]

“You re trying to fill a whole that doesn’t exist ”. Summed it perfectly.

[@AnnieTyzak]

The hole does exist and it can be filled with money

[@FragmentOfInfinity]

​@@AnnieTyzakOr cream cheese

[@twotonepatek]

@@FragmentOfInfinity i'll take money and cream cheese

[@Lowtan]

A hole*

[@LulamaGraham]

this is genuinely one of the best videos on this topic i've ever listened to.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Me too! So good

[@blyg81]

Likewise

[@trumphSafe]

OK I am watching

[@UltromanTheTacoman]

Yep, very precise wording describing how my failure to stop people-pleasing manifests. Self-love and filling your life on your own fixes this.

[@ariannagalves9973]

I agree

[@nathalielelan8611]

No one is our savior, except ourselves. We need to feel complete on our own, we have to fullfill ourself. I have a text on my wall in my living room "Be the energy you want others to absorb".

[@obscurereferences7198]

Jesus Christ is my savior. I'm not God, and I didn't die on a cross for the remission of all sin. I'm no savior, even to myself.

[@nathalielelan8611]

@@obscurereferences7198 don't you know who you really are??

[@noelmalik5018]

@@obscurereferences7198Jesus is the messenger of Allah and the Messiah, not your saviour, nor did he die on the cross. He will bear witness against you. So be warned of a tremendous day and leave the Christian delusion created by paul the liar

[@xjoemallardx]

​@@noelmalik5018The only people that are delusional are you clowns and your "god".

[@jadegarner2897]

Yes ma’am I agree so much!

[@piek359]

The universe really led me here at 4am to watch this completely undistracted ❤

[@MrBunay]

Same

[@DLL995]

same

[@sunnybbb]

Bruh it's 04:01 for me rn

[@shubhamsundriyal6438]

It’s 4:03 for me😂

[@cameronsteele371]

4:17 am here

[@MrAkamarured]

It happened with my mother... She was anxious and attached to a life where her son was present and making her feel safe and loved.. I told her one day, while she was in tears, "You have lived your life and created and nurtured a beautiful family, allow me to live my life and create my family". At first she was scared, that her life would be worse without her son... It's been a year and now she's even more excited when i visit and tells me all about the life she now lives (she went back to reading more, wants to start writing). She has recovered her hobbies and passions and that's what you all need to understand, and so do I. Once we let go of what fills our heart, the hole can be filled with new opportunities, new people, new activities, new philosophies of life that can inspire us to become something much different and much greater. We start living the life we want to live, not the life that others want for us. There is nothing more inspiring than knowing that a heartbreak or a loss can be a blessing for allowing us the opportunity to grow and become what our soul wishes we become.

[@_iam1533]

If I say this, she will slap me then and there lol

[@luisabatistasamora]

Beautiful!

[@geegeecook5063]

​@@luisabatistasamoraI'm totally agree with you because we can't depend our happiness to someone or things, cause the most important we need to create our own happiness,work on our self to be a better version of your slef

[@gamze6713]

I was always strong and hiperindependent girl, secretly suffering from an absent father. During the video, I visiulised and told him "I love you and I'm grateful for you being my father and I know you always love me and give me power, but I have had suffered enough for your absence in my everyday life, I have a whole life that I want to live for myself and I can't have it unless stop waiting for you to make me your little princess again, so I am letting go of my this attachment and expectation for my life, and I will start live my life, even you'd not here for me all the time. I love you."

[@MrAkamarured]

Great message! Keep at it and be proud of living the life you chose. Resentment drags us behind and you've changed it to love. Very beautifully done!

[@sanjanaraj7779]

Amazing!!

[@thixcinikki]

so beautiful!!

[@sallytemraz8614]

tears.

[@gpelomundo]

Relatable af. ❤

[@akhyarrayhka4048]

chasing chased them away ive learned this the hard way

[@AnnieTyzak]

Ya plus it’s embarrassing

[@b_jwright24]

At least you learned, that’s the best thing about mistakes

[@user-dg9hl2me9j]

​@AnnieTyzak had a girl at work yesterday I kinda like n I know she like me she got a whole boyfriend she said I'll walk with you a little before I leave I said OK so what you got planned after work she said dinner and then we going for ice cream her n her bf I said we'll you better get going you don't want your people waiting on you she said yeah n turned around n left but she all up on me at work I feeling her but that bf shit ya bye

[@AnnieTyzak]

@@user-dg9hl2me9j I’m proud of you 😊💯

[@BenjaminBlueforever]

This video hit hard for me. My current issue with chasing someone for the last year and I'm working toward breaking out of it. Thank you.

[@andrewvanhoff]

You're welcome! There's nothing wrong with chasing someone, per se. It's more that we're often actually running away from ourselves and abandoning our own inner power in order to do so. Often when we feel the need to chase, or to prove our worth to the person we're interested in, it can come from a situation where early in life we felt we needed to prove ourselves to our parents, maybe we needed to achieve or people please in order for them to be happy, or had to make sure everything was perfect. In my case, this was paired with a deep rooted fear of abandonment. The crazy thing is that this fear of being abandoned by somebody else causes us to consistently abandon ourselves. We change the way we behave, what we say and do, in order to please other people. We start to make them happy at our own expense, hoping to fulfill that pattern and make sure they won't leave us - all the while subtly sending ourselves the message that WE don't have our own backs. Just keep doing your best and learning and growing from the experience and giving yourself some grace when you temporarily slide back into old patterns. We're all doing the best we can!

[@amaant46]

I feel you man! Dated this girl for a little under 6 months, felt like she was the best thing to have happened to me, everything was rock solid but then at the end of the 5th month I started feeling her pull away. Couldn’t make sense of it and that completely threw me off my rocker. 1 week before we would’ve completed 6 months together she ended things with me because of something that happened in bed. I made a mistake but she just decided to leave me straight away. Tried reasoning with her and ended up chasing her in the process for the next 6 months. Went to her home drunk, called her friends, cried, did everything. It’s been over 8 months since our break up now and I still haven’t moved on but I have not contacted her in over 2 months. I’m trying to finally let it go and move forward with life and trying to love myself. God has a plan for me, just like everyone else! :)

[@PraisebetoGod777]

This hit hard… I’m 44 and my wife passed from cancer 6 months ago, we were soulmates and I’ve been struggling so badly and this video really helped me see the mistakes I made with her from childhood trauma. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again but yet i find myself trying to fill a void that I feel inside. My relationship with God is the only thing that has saved me and it’s still a daily battle between my fleshly desires and my spirit. Great information very accurate and true.

[@b_jwright24]

Damn man, please take the appropriate actions when it comes to coping. I don’t know you, you don’t know me but I’m here for you

[@PraisebetoGod777]

@@b_jwright24 thank you

[@miaalmamusica]

I am grateful for having had you in my life. Thank you very much. I appreciate you, I love you, but I have to go now. I have a life that is outside of you. I have a life that I have to go live for myself, and I have to let you go. Thank you for what you’ve given me, I appreciate the learning opportunity, I appreciate the time we’ve had together but I have to be my own person, I have to move forward in my life that has nothing to do with you anymore. And that is ok.

[@butterfliesrainbows2568]

A useful exercise for other relationships and situations too, such as family, friends and jobs, even dreams and material items. Thank you

[@butterfliesrainbows2568]

And it's less and attracting others, more about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy. Then, we might attract situations and people more aligned to our true self 🎯

[@andrewvanhoff]

Absolutely! If I can admit it here...the attracting others is a bit of a lure I use to get people to watch. Because so many people come with that inner sense of lack and they want the easy fix. So I try to hook people with what they want, and then do my best to deliver the deeper aspect of what they need haha But it's absolutely about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy, the attracting other people and situations that resonate with the new energy is a side effect of the deeper transformation

[@Tania_888]

Letting go is the ultimate freedom ✨️

[@marguskiis7711]

Your life become hollow.

[@kirtaramgodara]

We're only scratching the surface here. Explore the forbidden book Whispers of Manifestation on Borlest to uncover hidden truths.

[@fenianfinn]

scam

[@fenianfinn]

scammer

[@jarintasnim8097]

Whats is borlest

[@shinn688]

@@jarintasnim8097a scam

[@woahshescool]

this is a scam be careful

[@elllxxxnnn]

❤❤❤❤❤ hit hard. we keep chasing for a feeling not a person. we always on our own.

[@megane_isme]

this is actually perfect for me rn, not because i'm broken but because i am now interested into entering a new relationship

[@johndtwaldron]

I agree completely with this. But my inner child finds it so hard lol

[@vaishnavityagi4680]

True

[@Kundalearni]

Absolutely spot on. Letting go is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Conscious inaction can allow your higher self to come through to guide your true path. 🧡🙏🧡

[@Freedomandspice]

This video just started playing out of nowhere but I’m glad I’m here. It’s what I needed.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Thank you for this video. As a codependent needy person I needed this video and it is true. ❤

[@kennabuggin3570]

Great video! I’m thankful that you presented your point with empathy. Facing your insecurities is intimidating and inner wounds can be painful but you don’t need to be ashamed. Have empathy for yourself and don’t quit even when it’s difficult! ❤

[@andrewvanhoff]

Absolutely! It's a tricky subject to address for exactly that reason. The very nature of our tendency to see things from a place of insecurity, scarcity, and fear means that we're so quick to jump straight to self-condemnation when we develop self-awareness. When I realize that the common problem behind many of the problems in my relationships is my own inner insecurity, in a sense, that gives me ammunition to feel even MORE insecure and alone and flawed. That's where the negative feedback loop can begin. So you're absolutely right that we must give ourselves some grace and empathy and look at these things with love instead of shame. Interestingly, that whole process also feeds into the authentic embodiment of being your best self anyway! Because when we find peace with who we are, and are able to accept our so-called flaws, that's when we no longer feel that need for endless validation and reassurance! So, acceptance and empathy are a huge part of the equation.

[@RenzElRey]

Brilliant video. I used to be plagued with severe anxiety for years and once I started practicing detachment and letting go, I took back control of my life. The anxiety could no longer run it for me. I’m grateful to creators like you who spread the word about the life changing effects of letting go!

[@mattfischer1]

You made me understand this on an entirely different level. I’m always chasing and knew it was wrong but now I fully understand that it’s not beneficial. And I always get the ick when ppl chase me and now it makes sense as to why.

[@WhatTheDrell]

This video truly needs more views. He's helping me solve all these feelings that were under the surface & why I really feel that way. Thank you for helping all of us develop a better sense of self!

[@Dante-wp8mi]

The voice and the pronunciation easily make top 10 of the best voices that I've ever heard in my life. 😂❤

[@6.0hhh]

Love when people share my autobiography.

[@RobbiJamesVogt]

Nailed it! Read about letting go for years - you say it best

[@nkosilein]

I don't know how in the world you kept me so attentive like that. 🎉

[@med_b18]

I just got out from 6 y relationship. I Lost myself during this time, at the moment i realized we broke up I just fell on the ground and i couldnt breathe. Dont let the wrong people destroy your self esteem and your goals, especially during med school 😅

[@kaizer2385]

I've learned what you discussed the hard way. It resonated with me and how I handled that dark part of my past. Looking back, if I knew these when I needed it, I would have handled it much quicker and cleaner. Great video.

[@karna5998]

Have multiple hobbies and interests. Pickup a instrument you've always wanted to try Try and Learn a new language Learn more about spirituality and do rituals to align you more with your infinite divine self

[@laughingcoffin2907]

This happened to me just yesterday. She ended the relationship because she keeps on losing her interest and feelings towards me. She admitted that I treated her so good like a princess and gives her what she wants, she even told me that she asked for a "green flag guy that treats her right" and when she found me she's sure that God answered her prayers and I'm that guy but she ended it because we're not for each other and she doesn't love me and only love how I treat her

[@lancemarchetti8673]

I'm sorry to hear that she didn't see your true value. Someone else will come along..

[@mega408]

You’re lucky. She could have just kept milking you until she found someone she wants. That would have sucked as you would have wasted years on her. At least now, you can finally move on.

[@ronnyt2793]

⁠@@mega408facts. I thanked my ex (4 hrs ago) when she broke up with me. We sat. Talked . Cried. Had a hug and a kiss and that was it . I thanked her for being respectful and not waiting any longer than the week she was feeling off.

[@plaidmustache]

Me too man. Same thing.

[@Christian-oq2sd]

I love your expressions when you’re speaking, your eyes are speaking too, not only your lips.

[@mt5882]

Thanks Andrew, this really helps me understanding my current situation !

[@pikachu-ql3vk]

The actual way to attract is being handsome , 😅

[@thatRoadster]

Literally one of the best message in dating especially helped me since I feel like I am chasing her a little more

[@waxifalee]

Honestly, the only video I ever needed on relationship advice.

[@Andrea_Montemurro]

I really enjoyed the video, but I think that 'letting go' while aiming to obtain what you want wouldn't fix the problem. To me, the key is to find out who you really are and start liking yourself without the intention of attracting anyone. Just love yourself ❤

[@andrewvanhoff]

Totally agreed! This video is aimed at people who are fresh out of a breakup and hurting, so I figured the best approach would be to relatively gently introduce the concepts of attachment, letting go vs clinging, and so on. Just as a way to reach people who would otherwise be unfamiliar with the topic, and looking for a quick fix to a painful situation. But I absolutely agree that the deeper opportunity in letting go is certainly not an easy problem fix, but in understanding and shifting the way we relate to the world in the first place.

[@hridyanshusharma4569]

this is the most amazing video on this topic

[@nicksmoot8293]

Best video I’ve ever seen regarding this topic. It’s something I’ve struggled with up to this point in my life, but this video very well could have just changed it for me

[@swayamgupta5058]

Great video bro...I could literally see you explain me here...i will try the exercise and i hope everyone who's watching this video does too and get over insecurities

[@fabricioguanipa7530]

Very good video , I've been struggling with the clinginess towards someone for some time now, i think i needed to see this 😮

[@yqyolo878]

The way you explained make it so clear and understandable and your words freshens my mind. Thank you

[@Sandyficslick]

I’m so glad I watched this when I really needed this. Been having a rough day mentally reflecting about a friendship of mine and this spoke to me in a deeper level. Thank you. The way you convey these thoughts are extremely helpful

[@dannystark7668]

Hi sandy 👋

[@michaelhill2933]

It could also be chasing reciprocation, which isn't healthy either. If they aren't reciprocating, you also need to limit access or let go

[@viniciusdss]

Authenticity as much it might seem frequently (and often times it truly is) as something deeply personal and individualistic. When you are with someone you feel a connection with. Being authentic becomes something larger than oneself, it becomes also the will and the desire to build, to compromise and to achieve together and as a result of this conversion of thought, feeling and intention.

[@fentusiasta6575]

Thank you for this video. Really lifted a gigant weight from my body. A 5 years realationship ended, and I'm chasing her like an idiot.

[@Lauschini]

Excellent video! Thank you for sharing these ideas with the world in such a kind, loving and respectful way.

[@andrewvanhoff]

Thank you so much! Glad it resonated with you!

[@ira4600]

The real Self is not attached to anyone

[@farizsyahm]

I am so glad that I am stumbled upon this video, I am experiencing this kind of attachment atm and this situation gives me anxiety each days. This video somehow lift that heavy burden on my chest and I would like thank you for such an enlightening explanations :)

[@justinrobinson9583]

Brilliant production. The point at 13:10 is priceless and delivered with such an A-ha moment!

[@Iloveshihtzus]

This 18min video has literally helped me understand a breakup that I had been trying to get over in the past . It has helped me understand that whole relationship… Thank you so much

[@subbtopp]

brilliant absolutely on the nose, I've been going through this transformation the last two years and feel happier and healthier for it.

[@marguskiis7711]

Why you watch these videos then?

[@b_jwright24]

This is perfect timing. Girl and I mutually split since she just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship at the time. We mentioned eventually getting back together once she heals and she’s ready. I see her at work so this’ll be quite interesting for the both of us

[@florence.tsai.etw.]

Thank you for making this video! The exercise helps. I feel much better after doing the exercise. It’s amazing!

[@confusedsapien]

Thank you so much! The best 18 minutes I spent today ✨

[@sked11]

Dating over the past few months taught me that I should be alone and try to make myself happy. I was lonely and miserable coping with friends, sports, and video games before the 5 year relationship and I am doing the same shit after it ended. New activities are just that, another thing to fill the day with but coming home to an empty bed and a phone devoid of any interaction beyond friends or family is fucking depressing. Maybe instead of being generous and insecure I will come out self absorbed and secure after I am "Healed."

[@toumeigirl9293]

I feel the same way too, I hope you will finally heal.

[@lebonar19]

Love this Video, thank you:) You are whole on your own. Your believe that you need someone else is wrong. So freeing

[@alisafarpour5638]

I just finished the video and WOW...TNX. that's all.

[@samuelnarciso1]

Paradox of attachment, aka playing power games that inevitably. People are not honest with their feelings. This video is such proof of that.

[@wouterderogee6839]

The stupid thing is deep inside I definetly believe I deserve a good woman. I´m already working on myself for years and I'm physically and mentally in the best state of my life, I'm 38 right now. But for some reason I keep staying single, it doesn't matter if I chase or if I don't chase it just doesn't seem to work.

[@StevoSparta-tt5vu]

I really like this video. True….I want her back, but in a new relationship. I’ve realized I was a “nice guy”, have done a 180 and can attest to love yourself and your life will change. I have had so much more luck with just meeting people and friendships now; heck my relationships in general are better. The difficulty? We are married, have a two year old and she is under the impression that there is the perfect match for her somewhere. This video summarizes the solution and the problem all at once. I’ll think on it

[@susansagun7077]

I love the absolute clarity you bring to this topic! Refreshing!

[@marcogalindo3408]

I found this video when I needed it most, thank you Andrew!

[@shalakalahoti]

He is 100% spot on

[@FlatStella1]

now I know why I am attractive

[@jeffreypaszko3473]

Great analysis , I think we are all in some instances struggle with being wounded and search for wholeness and healing . A perfect explanation of how we sabotage our relationships and foster within ourselves a belief that we are not good enough nor will we ever be . I. enjoyed this video very much and look forward to others by this insightful coach!

[@asmrfoodieuk7965]

That feels like truth to me, if we were good enough we would have someone.

[@hayyyitstay]

This is the video I never knew I needed

[@angiep3346]

I so much needed this beautiful message. Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@aqueenahidamari5790]

Wow luar biasa sekali, pas dengan kondisi saat ini. Terima kasih.

[@azubuikevictor9367]

Nice one brother You cleared my doubt

[@mishka_bo_bishka]

confidence comes from having options

[@jimhebert4261]

So happy I found this video today!

[@michaeldonohue-ju6hm]

I think a lot of what you're talking about is trouble with the nervous system. You have to regulate that before you can be relaxed and happy generally, which will translate into a relationship.

[@LaloShiny]

Bros been dropping bangers

[@ChazRegal]

Easily the best video ive watched on this topic from the dozens ive gone through. Absolutely nailed it and so badly needed to hear and validate all this. Got a new subscriber 🙏🏼 How are you only at 12k??

[@nomoti_music]

That's True, but youre talking about the first step. The why. Not the how. Which is the most difficult.

[@ashfiqqq]

I really needed this. Especially the thing at the end.

[@garyagunos6762]

Thank you for sharing 🫶🫶🫶

[@ClaudiaVejaImages]

Attachment is normal and essential for survival since we are born. Not the attachment is the root cause for suffering, but not knowing, not learning as we grow as adults, that it's actually a choice our parents, friends and family are making to take care of us, to love us, and we are NOT entitled to any of it, just because it's how it should be, just because we were born needing it. We deserve it ONLY by being GRATEFUL for all we are given ❤ not by doing good deeds or being extraordinary and so on. We are good enough from the moment we are born as long as we are grateful, doing our best to be a good person. Being grateful it's all it takes. If someone, a stranger is not loving us back we need to remove ourselves, if it's a loved one, we can look to see if we were actually being grateful for everything they did until that point and by ignoring the bad things they might have done, they will have to power and willingness to change their attitude towards us because we show them gratitude, and hopefully they will be good, kind and loving people with themselves and to us as well ❤

[@ClaudiaVejaImages]

Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.

[@ClaudiaVejaImages]

Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.

[@letlifemoveyou]

im conflicted in this, after years of introspective work and actively going to therapy i had always considered myself, via my understanding to be somewhat secure. With flaws and insecurites as we all do, but attatchment wise, fairly secure. My confliction is, after persuing, and navigating a consentual comitted relationship with someone, not so much future planning but enjoying the ebbs and flows of each other and ultimately falling pregnant things had shifted. Her opinion was to depart and be better off alone, whilst mine was to navigate the future moving forward together. So ultimately when that relationship ends, of course you naturally feel blindsided or betrayed and hold close the memories of who they "were" or who they led you to believe they are, but how do you determine when its time to actually let go. At what point is healthily letting go, just quitting ? They were your partner, they are growing your child, you were available to them and you had emotional access to each other, otherwise the thought of growing a life together wouldnt have been a mutual decision. When that person then shows they are avoidant and dismissive after masking it for so long as there were never any real life stressors, and you are and were secure in facing those challenges starts to become anxious due to a multitude of contradictions, how do you let go ? I understand you have to let them be them, if they want to leave they are free to as its not illegal to change your mind, how do you healthily set aside what you once believed to be true but maintain that sense of self whilst they try to manipulate situations and weaponise the life of an unborn child, seems a very confusing road to walk. Not sure why i wrote this here but i've just assumed that the people that find this video are navigating some form of deep emotional loss and are expanding tools to deal with this, so anyone thats taken the time to read all of this word vomit ; i appreciate you. Any and all advice or critiscisms are welcomed, thank you.

[@luckyluckylucky2261]

It was opposite for me, we were together 3 years, I got pregnant, and he became a different, cruel person. To an extreme. I know the pain you are going through, it is deep. I’m 4 years on the other side of it, I have not formed a new relationship as I was caring for my daughter. Just started putting myself back out there. I recommend learning and using the Emotion Code technique, that you can teach yourself on KZbin. Basically you use muscle testing and release techniques to identify and release trapped negative emotions, without reactivating them-like you do in talk therapy. I would also recommend reprogramming your self concept & identity with nighttime affirmation tracks while you sleep. It takes about 3 weeks for the new beliefs to be embedded in your subconscious. Dylan James has a great channel explaining everything, with amazing free tracks at night. I also love Brian Scott’s channel The Reality Revolution-best book club in the galaxy! The High Frequency Guru has an amazing channel with affirmations/rampages/subliminals that through the power of repetition, will completely change your identity, passively. Beliefs about yourself Beliefs about yourself & others, and how they show up for you Beliefs about relationships Start with self concept first, and your beliefs about reality. Train your beliefs about your abilities, like you’re a limitless manifestor. Or that affirmations work instantly for you. You have to saturate your brain with the new concept with repetition. Then focus on money, and your relationship with money. Especially if you want to have a family, you’ll need your resources set. Then focus on relationships. Don’t waste your time talking to a therapist activating the old story. Change your thoughts/beliefs and your entire world will change!

[@letlifemoveyou]

@@luckyluckylucky2261 Im really sorry to hear you can relate to my situation and have lived through it, even if from the otherside i cannot imagine it would've been an easy road to navigate. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment and also reach out and reply, im going to look into the emotion code technique and then delve into the affirmations. I have heard of affirmations but honestly i just dismissed them, thanks for the channels i will give them a try, what did you find helped you be open minded enough to be willing to listen to them and then i guess believe them to be true ? How did you reframe yourself to be willing to accept them ? Im still finding myself stuck in the negative feedback loop as my ex ultimately holds all the cards and the narrative, as our child is still unborn i am not sure what that future looks like for me, a few things have been made somewhat clear and they arent positive so im finding the beliefs in myself hard to disassemble, if that makes sense ? Thanks again for the insight and advice, i truely do appreciate it.

[@letlifemoveyou]

@@luckyluckylucky2261 hey, sorry i had replied but it seems as though it hadnt sent. Just wanted to thank you for taking the time to reach out, also for reading and providing all the resources you did and the insight. Im really sorry to hear you've had a similar experience but its nice to see you've made it out the otherside and are moving forward with it, your daughter is very lucky. It feels bittersweet for me being the one thats been pushed out with no closure, after being told one thing for so long and to have the rug pulled out from underneath. Difficult to surrender all control especially when someone else is controlling the narrative and weaponising a child, especially one thats currently still growing. Ill be having a look into the emotional techniques you mentioned and open myself upto the manifestations, thank you again.

[@andrewvanhoff]

Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds incredibly challenging and confusing to navigate such a complicated situation as that. Breakups are hard enough when there are no children involved, let alone unborn children. I realized in reading your account name, that this is in essence, an opportunity to let life move you. There aren't going to be any clear answers, things aren't going to make sense, and you probably won't know if you're doing the "right" thing. And that's okay. Finding peace in the uncertainty and taking it one day at a time is likely the most grace and love you can give yourself through this process. As long as you're doing your best to be your authentic self, to live each day as well as you can, and to be there for your child in whatever capacity you're able when the time comes, what else can you really do? There may be an inner voice saying that's not good enough - but if you're doing everything that's possible, that's all anyone can ask. I think the deeper opportunity here is to see what this challenge will reveal in yourself and show you about who you are and who you can be. In the meantime, it will likely be very challenging, so also taking the opportunity to have some compassion and grace for yourself in the process will be part of the journey. I'm sorry I don't have any clear "do this 3x a day and you'll be fine" type answers, but I appreciate you sharing your story and I hope the absolute best for you

[@ritapeters1330]

Stunning insight, thank you Andrew for your wisdom ❤

[@biasedknowledge]

The paradox of attraction: "Scarcity makes you magnetic" Who knew doing less could make you more irresistible?

[@supriyasingh-gi4bg]

Actually I have already mastered the trick of how to let go off people and things but u r really funny and cute guy! Keep going!

[@charleneearle1271]

You are so easy to listen to and understand! Thank you ❤

[@Edwin-km4xk]

He literally texted me while I was watching this video

[@nyssatang1173]

only if i have watched this couple of days earlier

[@alexjoplin1075]

Thank you so much dear...I am feeling relaxed and ignited...God bless..

[@thespeechclub1396]

Amazing!!! So clear!! Simple easy to understand thank you!!!

[@soul-etude]

You are wrong. Being extremely busy, having all my life happening, i still take time to reply to important people. And yes, i am incomplete unless I meet my person. And yes, my imaginary person replies fast to me, because i am ready to. If i am ready to give what i have, i expect others to be willing to give too. I am ok, i am secure, i am jot chasing but i have no problem being the first to express my feelings or to take a first step. Letting go means only you are ready to let the person go. Because they are not deserving you. Nothing more. A woman and a man are never complete unless they are together. Please get it right. Codependency is healthy, we are interdependant by nature. Relationships issues are impossible to heal in solitude. You need another person to heal whatever the issue is. You can not say we are insecure because we want a relationship. Everybody wants acrelationship (healthy people).

[@andrewvanhoff]

Quite an interesting point of view given your account name of soul-etude, which I at first imagined was a combination of "soul" and "solitude" but perhaps I'm wrong there? I agree with some of what you're saying. I think there's nothing necessarily wrong with taking the first move, or expressing your feelings. Those are great things! I think the trick is we often get "I love the feeling of being with you" confused with "I love you". When our love is born out of how good it makes us feel about ourselves, we can start to cling to the other person out of fear instead of love. We're often addicted, rather than truly in "love". Expecting others to be willing to give themselves to the relationship is absolutely fine, once again, so long as that is a clearly communicated boundary. But when we're in these patterns of insecurity, we tend to try to get people to meet our needs not through vulnerability and communication, but by subtle manipulation, people pleasing, or passive-aggression. I do disagree when you say a man and woman are never complete unless they are together, and that codependency is healthy. They say a relationship is when two become one, not when two halves become whole. We obviously need to depend on other human beings for our physical well-being. Even Anthony De Mello, whose exercise I showcase in the video, said "we must depend on the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker." But as long as we are psychologically dependent on somebody else for our own sense of inner worth and security, that's where the problems start to come from. You say you need another person to heal whatever the issue is, and I think that can be true in a sense - often it's through these experiences that we find inner clarity, but we need to commit to the healing ourselves. If we're USING the other person to avoid our inner issues, that's a problem. If we're being authentic and vulnerable and allowing the relationship to be a healing space for us to more authentically embody our own energy and to deepen the relationship as well, that's amazing. I'm not at all saying relationships are a sign of insecurity, or wanting a relationship isn't a healthy normal thing. A lot of it comes down to not "what you do" but "why you're doing it". If your motivation is subtly based in fear and insecurity and trying to make yourself feel whole, you'll tend to push people away. If your motivation is based in inner wholeness and wanting to authentically connect and experience another person, then you'll tend to bring people together. To your final point, wanting a relationship doesn't make you insecure at all. Needing a relationship to feel valued and worthy is a symptom of a deep rooted insecurity. There's nothing wrong with WANTING connection. It's when you feel worthless without it that we need to look into the deeper roots, in my opinion!

[@xjoemallardx]

Codependency is absolutely not healthy. 😂

[@xjoemallardx]

There's only one person that can make you whole and it's not an earthly being.

[@jodaisy113]

Eroding my power is not an option beyond this point… I will evolve into the light and rise above this 🪄✨

[@xiao__mao2796]

Its all right what you say, i can completely agree, its compensation. But actually, literally no one in those videos mentions this: when there is attraction, there is also dopamine - everything seems less stressful and hard in life. The person you are projecting on, also once gave you that & every interaction with them does. This is so addictive & hard to get from somewhere else like that intense. How can we handle this?

[@adularescent]

Thank you king I needed (that’s ironic considering the topic) this

[@lauragavelli6662]

I had to learn it the hard way..

[@bullishwhizz422]

Great analysis, bro. Subscribed! 😊

[@90MrChill]

Thanks so much. I really needed to hear this 🎉

[@benjaminnielsen4288]

I like that message at the end. I'm going to start using it to help me move forward from a woman who hurt me badly. Broke me inside, and continues to crap on me. Time to leave. I have to go now....

[@ritapeters1330]

Yes, me too, felt relief hearing the message at the end, after having been ghosted, hit me hard

[@benjaminnielsen4288]

@@ritapeters1330 Press on, girl 💪🏻

[@calvinchew7985]

Since we are all completely whole and also damaged in some sense there is really NO functional need for any relationship between 2 persons is that the essence ?!