The Loneliness Epidemic: Do We Hate Other People Now?

[@TomNicholasLive]

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[@katarvitz4850]

I worked retail and tech support for seven years. I was screamed at by customers, had abuse hurled at me by customers, threatened with violence by customers, and thrown under the bus by my managers. My yearly salary only increased by 2k after non-stop fighting with management to see any increase during this time. My manager owned multiple cars. I was often making the company more profit in a single sale to customers treated like royalty than I got paid in a month. My situation isn't unique. Why would anyone want to deal with other humans after that.

[@EarlHare]

Worked in a betting shop for 4 years for my first job. Got abused, threats of violence and death threats all the time. Gave that up and went to work in a kitchen as a professional chef, wanted to avoid having to deal with the public. Got absolutely abused nonstop by my own colleagues on a daily basis. Now i'm 38 and scared to leave my house on most days.

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

@@EarlHare Sorry to hear that happened to you. Kitchen jobs are really high stress and toxic.

[@custardstuff5178]

They took our money, our time and our third spaces. What did they think would happen??

[@craneteam87]

its so expensive to go out be social. its quite depressing

[@JakeyBaby6]

​@craneteam87 It can be cheap but definitely takes a bit more thought, live music can still be really cheap and is an amazing social space.

[@custardstuff5178]

@@JakeyBaby6 Where are you getting cheap gig tickets?? Nothing around here like unless you want to listen to some high schooler's garage band

[@goldie819]

Rent needs to be a lower percentage of income before people start socializing again in places where you have to buy stuff. End of. There's no magical way to keep high rent and also see increased non-essential spending. Companies should see high rent as *direct competition* to their business.

[@JakeyBaby6]

@custardstuff5178 Local venue in Leeds regularly has tickets for £7-10 for bands that are pretty well known in the North. If you're going for the social aspect I'd argue stuff like that is better, and £15 still can get you up and coming touring bands, the type that usually in 5 years time are the new headliners. I saw Sleep Token in 2021 for £18 they're headlining Download this year.

[@tjbarke6086]

We're so atomized and alienated and overworked, that at this point, it's very common that socialization has come to be perceived less as leisure and more as extra labor. And most interactions are becoming more and more transactional... Hard work, by and large, no matter the sector of life it takes place in, is becoming viewed as, and often is, less rewarding. So convenience and isolation rule the day. So of course we're becoming lonelier. That and the hostility of polarizing politics can often make new interactions fraught and anxiety inducing. Why go down for a drink at the pub when it's A. more expensive than it used to be, and B. you might potentially have to throw hands on behalf of basic human rights?

[@baloodarling486]

@@tjbarke6086 "...throw hands on behalf of basic human rights?" Could someone explain that one, please?...

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

​@@baloodarling486 I think they are implying that they have gotten into fights with open bigots. For example, you happen to be hanging out with a queer or PoC friend and someone starts throwing slurs.

[@awsomewolfman124]

​@@baloodarling486 If it needs explained to you, unless this is a genuine question, you are part of the problem.

[@Bloodlinedev]

Just capitalism thing - you can buy a thousand yellow plastic ducks but don't have energy for a single friend

[@joemunkey]

Ducks?

[@Lack_Of_Interest]

@@joemunkey It is, probably, a consumerism joke. Like how we could have the means (e.g. money) to buy a lot of unnecessary material goods, but do not have the means (e.g. time) to maintain friendships.

[@whitewolf2001]

50 different kinds of Cereal but no meaningful social relationships

[@Eyclonus]

You can have a car in any colour you want, but you can't have self-esteem

[@trevinbeattie4888]

​@@joemunkeyLook up James Veitch’s bit with the ducks. :D

[@Grimfang999]

You vaguely touched on it, but one aspect people aren't talking about is the shrinking of options and opportunities to socialise. Churches, PTA, and others are indeed examples that people aren't engaging with, but community centres have also disappeared. The only place left is really the pub, and not everyone likes the pub sue to it being loud sticky and expensive. Board game cafés have become an alternative, but still pricey. There needs to be promotion and subsidisation of community development on a governmental scale to fix this, in my eyes.

[@duckweedy]

Zero hour contracts destroys social life. As never know when will get work. Effectively on standby every day.

[@Theconcavelens]

Having not seen the video lol i don’t think people hate other people. I think people are just overworked, underpaid, mistreated and haven’t had a chance to emotionally process the last few years and decades. Everything has been go go go that people are exhausted and see other people as a wedge issue to fling out anger at. Capitalism has made it hard for people to see each other more humanely.

[@beybladebaby]

Girl watch the video

[@Theconcavelens]

@ oh i will, which is why I wrote “having not seen the video” first. So, your comment while was trying to “prove” something was just really wasting both your and my time.

[@cadesmandela1935]

@@Theconcavelenslmao typing two comments when you can just watch the video… talk about wasting time creep weirdo

[@Pandangus]

Your attitude could use some work 🫠 have you watched the video yet?

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

Why would you have an opinion on a video you haven't even watched?

[@ryanrohanlon]

I should also add that a lot of places where you think are social places aren't social places for a person who is alone. I've spent the last 3 years going to the gym consistently having the goal of getting back to my intended body weight. I went from 190 pounds to 140 pounds (back to 155 due to having issues getting a job). But despite going to the gym consistently, the amount of social interaction is basically non-existent. You can't really just go out and meet new people and make new friends even if you try and expand your hobbies.

[@johnners911]

Its an interesting idea that this all started in the 1950s. It's common to blame online interactions for the decline in face to face interactions, but perhaps it is the opposite. The technology has gone in that direction in an attempt to correct the lack of society. I m old enough to remember Thatcher's cruel, performative and unnecessary act of stopping free milk in primary schools. I remember her saying "There is no such thing as society" and now we are all just surviving, deep in her legacy, where greed is good and accumulation of wealth is the only acceptable aspiration. I am old enough to remember working a low paid job but going to a pub or club almost every night of the week and having money left over to save a little. Our public services and public spaces have been stolen and handed over to the moneychangers and our time has been fed into spreadsheets to determine that we aren't working hard or fast enough. Our leaders are genocidal maniacs and are becoming increasingly authoritarian to protect the status quo. Even more concerning is that many in our society believe that greater authoritarianism and division is the only way forward. We need to destroy the media empires that push this ideology and if passive resistance is all we have, then we must use it where we can. Good luck to you all, you are not at fault here, society has abandoned us and many of you have to memory of a functioning, caring society. I live in hope that it will come back though, so don't give up hope and don't fall to the dark side.

[@hankgreenfingers3371]

Great comment. Thanks Johnners. I'm younger than yourself but reading about how the state used to care for people (however flawed or bungled) gave me this deep feeling of loss for something I never got to experience. It fills me with great anger when the media, politicians, and increasingly my fellow countrymen seem to understand there's a rot occuring but we just need to do more of the same. It's maddening.

[@johnners911]

@@hankgreenfingers3371 The state was never very good at caring for people in reality, but in destroying what care their was, they also managed to destroy a great deal of the care that people had for each other. That is the greater loss and one which will be so much harder to repair.

[@klausbrinck2137]

A small mistake: "accumulation of wealth" is pre-1800AD... Capitalism has nothing to do with accumulation of wealth...!!! Pre-1800AD, value was to find in a stationary vault. After 1800AD, the value is in the (fast) mobility of capital: This doesn´t just blur our knowledge and comprehension over the consequences of such rapid investments (which are anyway mostly made in bad faith!). It also creates a huge black-hole for financial crime, the laws against which are weakened further and further since 200 years ("markets-deregulation"), while all other laws are getting more-and-more restrictive with clinical precision. In ancient Greek Democracy, the privatiés were the ones nearest to a "proto-capitalist" of their time (and also Democracy-haters). In order to deal with them, Democracy-supporting-citizens would simply bully them, by turning their basic trait into the world´s most-known swear-word: idiot (= privatié in Greek). Still, it´d be a mistake to think, that Democracy (despite it being fundamentally incompatible with Capitalism), has anything in its arsenal, in order to fight modern capitalism...!!! Democracy is powerless, that´s the reason Socialism was invented (which has its main weight in regulating markets, mainly the financial ones, and creating laws against financial crime). admittedly, the real-life-efforts to do such, were somewhat cumbersome, but that doesn´t hurt the main idea behind it. In a time where all Western countries were trying to torpedo Socialism in the Soviet-Union (straight against their own self-interest!), creating a constant state of war for Soviets, communism was the sole possible answer, but maybe not the best overall. Maybe next time, we don´t fight against our own self-interest... *privatié = a person with enough wealth, in order to be able to live on the passive-income sourced from same wealth (and showing distaste against democratic procedures, cause of one´s own, already reached level of financial, and thus social, independence, based on the others being less independent).

[@terrathunderstorms3701]

The older generations shame you for having any friends unless you're married with children and if you have children, your life should be about your children. It's a cycle of resentment and poor timing. And just the result of being poorer than past generations.

[@victoriab8186]

I think that the impact of going out being more expensive is not just direct, but it also impacts culture over time. If I wanted to go out and it was a bit expensive for me, I could still go out but choose to do it in a way that saved money (e.g. buying less drinks), but once a large enough proportion of a group is doing this, the group may de-prioritise going out like this, choosing to socialise or entertain themselves in ways that are less expensive. This changes the cultural presumption that you might be going out regularly so that, even should its expense go down, people might not think to act in ways that they would have before the expense first hit that tipping point.

[@djangofett4879]

people used to just go on a vacation every now and then but at a certain point going on a vacation became a social media charade. more and more social media people started constant vacationing and putting this pressure into people's heads that they also need to be constantly vacationing. places that used to be nice quaint little getaways are now completely flooded with obnoxious cell phone wavers who spend their entire vacation posting photos online.

[@mvnkycheez]

A lot of this wildly, wildly varies based on your personal disposition, e.g. being introverted /extroverted. Being an introverted and shy person, I tend to prefer socialising with a smaller group of very close friends. I don't value knowing lots of people on a surface level very much.

[@mvnkycheez]

I definitely think your arguments are deeply shaped by simply being a highly sociable, possibly extroverted person

[@mvnkycheez]

Also, personally, I don't _not_ want to hang out with my colleagues. Actually, I do. I just don't want to do that _every damn day_, especially when it requires an hour+ commute. Having to do it every day is a seriously boomer argument

[@rasurin]

You're just using it as a shitty excuse

[@heroicheretic2619]

You're spot on. This is one of the reasons I'll be moving to France in a year.

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

As someone who grew up Autistic, I greatly sympathize with people currently experiencing loneliness. I've always had trouble finding friends I felt comfortable around, and the lack of adequate third spaces didn't help in that matter either. I still don't have any close friends, but I'm just glad I met my wife when we both went to University, she is honestly the only person I have met who gets me.

[@Ashley.D]

I really wish I didn't hate people, but it's based on 33 years of experience. I've got a theoretical belief that most people are generally decent, but whenever I try hanging out at the pub, Xmas party or whatever, the reality is that people are nasty and hateful, dropping slurs and Reform talking points. I don't know how to be around that, and I don't know how to be around people at the best of times given that I'm autistic. The idea of having a social life in my 30s seems completely alien to me

[@johnners911]

You are not alone buddy, I'm 53 and feel exactly the same. Hang in there and don't be tempted to join in the hate.

[@jo8422]

I am also autistic and almost 29, there are good people out there but you have to find them

[@jimpaddy79]

Maybe try meeting people through a share interest or hobby

[@EarlHare]

THIS! The most I interact with people these days is at the gym when i'm in the sauna, and constantly all I hear is people complaining about immigrants often with people who were clearly immigrants or 2nd generation sat right next to them. They're oblivious, cannot fathom that what they consume on facebook might not actually be true.

[@johnners911]

@ I regularly hear immigrants complaining about other immigrants. It's quite clear that they are using code because they are white immigrants and the ones they complain about are not white.

[@MicLitter]

I have always been misanthropic and mostly hate talking to people face to face. I don't like forms of communication that I have no backspace button on anymore. I prefer to be able to finish a sentence without interruptions. When the advents of emails, texting, and social media arrived, it made the social world way more navigable for me. Everywhere I go I am surrounded by overtalkers who can never shut the fuck up and listen. Talking in person feels like a boxing match, texting feels akin to playing chess. It made the advent of social media a godsend. I finally had some space to finish a point in conversation. When I do get the chance to tell people what is on my mind it is promptly forgotten. I have ADHD & bipolar with severe PTSD and have been forced to mask and overcome it for decades to keep my shitty job and maintain my chaotic life. It's why I fucking resent it so much. I have had to have agonizing discipline to maintain my attention span and learn to make space for others to talk. Nobody gives a fuck about my opinion even though I want to bark it in their blabbering, jabbering faces half the time. Most of my time is spent taking orders and listening to people bitch. So when I make time to hang out with someone and it's just an endless info dump of overshare, I feel like running home to shitpost on social media. Why the fuck do people just talk to hear themselves talk?

[@jason5811]

I’m glad you brought up the WFH issue. I think it’s good for employers to be more flexible with how people structure their lives and work but I couldn’t imagine working solely from home. Working together, in-person with other people is one of the most productive (and often fulfilling) ways to work - it leads to more innovation and camaraderie and yes sometimes even friendships.

[@IshtarNike]

I'm training at a new job and I think WFH definitely doesn't work as well for onboarding and training. It's just not as efficient for the teaching sections. Takes twice as long to get feedback or information you need. It's a tricky balance.

[@fy8798]

Working in person is probably the worst possible way to work, and I'm glad I am able to work fully from home. It's far more efficient. But you do you, enjoy wasting 2+ hours a day on commute. Me, I rather spend that with friends while being measurable more productive than the people in office.

[@jason5811]

@@fy8798 personally, I take public transport and read, so I actually greatly value my commuting time as dedicated daily reading time. Of course this is extremely situation dependent. I work as an engineer and find that my best ideas and work usually results from impromptu in-person team-ups. Made a lot of good friends with my colleagues over the years - probably wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been working in person with them. If you don’t like your colleagues and have a job that requires no teamwork, sure stay home I don’t have a problem with that. But to promote that everyone should work like that is silly and ignores the well-known positive aspects of in-person collaboration.

[@awsomewolfman124]

​@@fy8798 Brother I hate to tell you but a lot of industries can't work from home so your argument is moot. How else do you expect me to do my kitchen job if not in person?

[@heartchase6284]

Its mouse utopia syndrome, too many people, too small of a space, we naturally start becoming more anti social as a species, my theory is its mother natures hail marry way of balancing things out.

[@Tymbus]

I recall being told by 20/30 somethings that I had to get use to communicating via e-mail as people didn't meet face to face anymore! I've spent a lot of my life on my own, I had hoped I would expand my social circle as I got older! My mistake.

[@Lee-bv6iv]

Did anyone see that boomer CEO saying people need to get back in the office, on the news today?

[@perrin6]

No I didn‘t.

[@Lee-bv6iv]

@perrin6 Former ceo of one of the big high-street chains. Making spurious links between hybrid workers and childhood mental health problems.

[@craneteam87]

no but i saw larry elison say that AI will make sure we behave. what a joke of a world we live in

[@Eyclonus]

I wouldn't mind going back to the office to see my old co-workers as we < redacted > management

[@IceDelight]

I find this kind of thing interesting, because I only ever hear about it online. I'm not saying it's wrong, but my experience is different. Nottingham is a place packed with students, partying all the time. It's packed with pubs and clubs, with people going mad almost every night.

[@ThomasBoyd-y8e]

Spot on. Quality content, you nailed it loneliness, about in 2025 Britain.

[@IshtarNike]

28:04 I've been surprised at how many of my friends are now knee jerk privatisers. They wouldn't consciously identify as such, but when given the opportunity they'll assume any private service is better than a government option.

[@Fuego065]

I can't help but notice the fact that a lot of your examples of social "IRL" stuff revolves a lot around alcohol, sure people will say "Oh but that's the UK" but I think you'll find similar situations in most countries (At least the non muslim ones). So in effect there is also an health impact to it and sure it is a very different one but I do wonder if overall it is really better

[@BurgermanForever-nh2vp]

The only social spaces we're allowed are the ones in which we poison ourselves- again just making us easier to farm like livestock

[@janaussiger4111]

Look at political party membership in most countries (including Britain), it mostly starts to drop by the 80s and 90s. Internet is pretty incidental, it hasn't really been around that much when this started happening

[@scottcharney1091]

Do we hate other people? Not necessarily. Someone can be lonely if they are the hated one, while other people seem to like one another.

[@okasa64]

The % of the population who are Introverts vs Extroverts has likely remained constant, but recently there are more options for Introverts to stay home than in the past. So the increase may just be the Introverts given the ability to live the way they want.

[@ThreeAngrySquirrels]

Find a climbing gym and start bouldering. It's a magnet for friendly chilled out people.

[@johnners911]

This is actually my last hope at the minute. I just have to find a venue. For some reason I have an idea to try this even though my energy for living is otherwise at zero.

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

@@ThreeAngrySquirrels I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than hang out with gym bros

[@hankgreenfingers3371]

​@@jeffersonclippership2588 Climbing folk are very different from gym bros. In general less vapid and much more open to conversation, especially if you go regularly on the same days. It isn't for everyone though and from other comments you seem to like your own company so do whatever makes you happy. All the best mate

[@tombrown1515]

tried to reconnect with some old friends recently they showed pretty much no interest mostly maybe i need them more than me but you can never have to many friends surely and this just says alot about the world imo

[@GoldilocksZone-665]

23:20 You committed the cardinal sin of confusing anti-social with un-social. They are two very different things. Anti-social people are usually really social.

[@franjkav]

I think people usually mean asocial when they say antisocial.

[@GoldilocksZone-665]

@@franjkav Asocial might be the better word compared to un-social. It drives me round the bend when asocial (better word) is confused with anti-social, though. It's usually one of those interaction markers that makes me want to be really, really asocial! Is that petty? I feel like humanity is doomed unless we learn to use the correct term! One of them is at home, alone, quietly reading a novel and the other is putting somebody else's window through. Very different!

[@conormurphy4328]

“People. What a bunch of bastards”

[@hickknight]

I wish it was just easier for me to go out with the money I have. I don't have that much... Moreover, my tastes in media was shaped by the anime boom, making it even more difficult to really connect with others. Seeing this stuff however, makes me think I was just made highly risk averse. I've never truly made friends I see on a regular basis. And it makes me worried for the future.

[@ryanrohanlon]

Do I think people hate enough other? Not directly. But there is an indirect effect that gets people to be less compassionate, less understanding, less tolerant now because we now have the bulk of our social interactions as transactional. Anytime the average person is faced with any sort of inconvenience, the average person today has less tolerance and will likely take any sort of aggression they have on the person in front of them. Ask any person in retail or repair and now the gig workers. The average person today does have a lot less inconveniences and has access to so much thanks to the internet and our service-based economy that a person today doesn't recognize luxury services. As for the issue such as wage stagnation and laws constantly being changed to benefit corporations and the rich elderly, that has basically destroyed people's time and chance to be able to consistently go out and socialize be it with people of their own age group or in their local community. Socializing has always been a luxury. When you're a child, assuming you are going through say public schools, you are going to constantly be in situations where you are going to socialize. As you get older, it is up to you to be able to afford to go to places. The final thing is that just comes down to one simple thing. People have to like you and that is a two-way bridge. You can be a considerate person, with good manners and be interesting but all of that means nothing if the other person doesn't like you and a good deal of it is instinctual. It's tribalism that every person still has. With more people being alone and disconnected, that means when you see another person they are not going to be in your tribe making it easier to decide if you don't like a person. The only real solution for most people to not be able to have an easy reason to be hateful is for people to have face time with each other.

[@kamilmuzyka7228]

Also you uave the problem of lifestyle groups becoming more exclusive (uninviting and judgmental). This leaves a lot of folks as loners with hobbies, but that's the price for vulnerable communities feeling safe.

[@IshtarNike]

I spent £7.15 on a single pint of Guinness last week. It was near Waterloo so fair enough, but Christ was it expensive. Two of those and I was over halfway to your £20 quid.

[@morgengabe1]

20:00 Economists hate this one weird fact.

[@baloodarling486]

What do you mean "now"? The English have always hated each other.

[@SeventhWhiteCat]

And the French And any other Europeans And their former colonies And anyone else who isn't English And themselves

[@SamWickens]

It's kind of funny that the head of Spoons of all people is complaining about being unfairly undercut by supermarkets because they can rely on economies of scale to sell alcohol at much lower prices, when he literally does that to non-chain pubs across the country to the detriment of everyone. When I was at university 10-15 years ago, a non-Spoons pub in Manchester would sell a pint of local-ish draught bitter for somewhere around £4, while a Spoons would sell essentially the same pint for £2.15, and have a much wider selection. Supermarkets are definitely an issue, but his monopolistic anticompetitive bullshit is just as much to blame for the high prices in pubs these days.

[@williaminghamfarrow9371]

Peopl spbd how much time sleeping?!?! I'm averaging 7.5hrs per week, including my lie ins

[@coreyrachar9694]

I def. hate other humans, yes.

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

I've always hated other people

[@marocat4749]

Peoplew can be great or awful. And i really not a fan of toxic positivity but some positivity and belief in people not only being the worst is good. People are just often frustrated and complicated.

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

@marocat4749 No, conservatives are right. When you get down to it, humans are shit. We wouldn't all be in this mess if that weren't true.

[@jeffersonclippership2588]

@@marocat4749 no

[@Usapropaganda-t7h]

@@jeffersonclippership2588 I bet other folks always hated you too, so it’s a win/win.

[@ZER0--]

@@jeffersonclippership2588 "Ben, the two of us must look no more..." That's Micheal Jackson.

[@CarmenBelcher]

I do hate other people now but I’m not lonely 😂

[@SadSamba]

i think my whinning-meter just broke down by scrolling through the comment section.

[@timcoultas1512]

So young men have decided that their time is better spent online. Why is that? And what can we do to make time spent offline more rewarding for young men?

[@issecret1]

Young men, young men, me, me, me. That's why you're all lonely, you can only think about yourselves. Young women are lonely too, we just shut the fuck up about it

[@Eyclonus]

Cheaper pints

[@joemunkey]

Fewer people* ;]

[@zainmudassir2964]

We have each other friends 😊

[@DarayaVahu]

Hours spend alone per day? lol I live alone, since parents died I spend 24 hours per day alone, one day a week or two I go do groceries, so I see other humans for an hour but I don't speak to them. I have no idea how to have friends, I was bullied in school and could not make friends then, since end of high school I'm on disability, I don't really know what's the point in anything

[@docterfantazmo]

0:40 Oooof, in this economy? you're asking a lot.

[@BEEETRUS]

Do you want the real answer or are you just going to rant

[@hankgreenfingers3371]

What's the real answer in your opinion?

[@MrMark595]

This guy is a weird cross between a poundshop Boris Johnson and Ed Sheeran, an English archetype if ever there was one.

[@perrin6]

Too much left-brain activity = selfish and unhappy. Reduce thought and increase sensual attention = less aware of seperateness and feel more akin to others.

[@franjkav]

Did you learn that in Psych -101, yikes

[@perrin6]

@ no- from meditating.

[@thelasttellurian]

Thanks god we have ChatGPT

[@ChronicExcessiveManliness]

What do you mean by "Do we hate other people *now*"? As opposed to before? 🤣

[@franjkav]

More like, have we stopped pretending ..

[@ChronicExcessiveManliness]

@@franjkav I was joking, but point taken. At the same time, I've never pretended. I love humanity...but people, get on my freaking nerves, lol. :)