The Loneliness Of Moving To A Big City | The Truth About My Experience

[@mikedutton5905]

I feel you. I live in Philly and moved out here 7 months ago. I’m also an extrovert, and it’s def been the loneliest months of my life so far. It’s so hard to get out of a comfort zone, but it’s the only way to not be lonely :/

[@Yzerdenu9432]

Bra I feel u. I'm from Bama and moved right outside of Philly about 6 months ago. The loneliness is real lol. Gotta break outta this glass box

[@michaelnobles2643]

I moved to Phoenix, AZ about two years ago from a smaller city because I wanted to live in a big city. I wanted to have more opportunities and cool experiences. I also wanted to make new friends. Sometimes, even with so many people around, it can feel a bit lonely. However, I'm the kind of person that doesn't mind my alone time, in fact, I rather enjoy being alone. Of course, there are times when I would like to have a group of friends to hang out with, but I also realize I have to put myself out there to make it happen. I would say that at first, moving to a big city can be lonely, but if you go to meetups, go out hiking or some other activity, you'll most likely meet other like-minded individuals. Btw, I love Chicago! It's my hometown

[@StevenRussellB]

Thanks for watching Mike!

[@vietnamiscool2669]

For me grass and trees and clean air…….. are a must , that’s why I left the big city after 2 years

[@cyyrious]

I feel the same I am both intro/extro moved to Chicago because I LOVE the city. Lived in Houston for 20 years it was cool but always felt like a square peg. I felt my kinship was in the chi. I had been going to the Chi since 1994 I knew it would be my home some day! Also I knew people some of my BEST friends from college were in and from Chicago so it was only my thought it would be a blast. So I finally moved in 2020 I was super excited when I got here I have a flat ..I am Gold Coast Living it can't get any better right??? Well I realized I was not really friends with my college buds. No one ever wanted to chill downtown I had to go out south far suburbs etc and I didnt want that either. I am fairly attractive I would meet guys who thought I was "too much" for them they complained where I lived always wanted me to come to them. No one wanted to try new events or things. I noticed a lot of Chicago people are stuck in their cliques. No one really hangs out they hang out with their own circles of people. I am older so clubs are not my thing. I always hear of events but they are super exclusive where if you are not in the know you miss out. It is hard to date hard to meet people and I felt desperate for friendship at times where I have dated guys I would NEEEEEEEEEVAAAA' date just for company. I joined meetups but didnt really mesh with the people, I tried to connect with sorority sisters that doesn't work...Maybe it is me. I love being alone at times but I so wish I could have some friends to truly explore Chicago with it is a beautiful city. Nothing forced just truly genuine . I do NOT want to live by family either. I am hoping to see if I can actually meet A GOOD VIBE TRIBE IN THE CHI! Or maybe I still that SQUARE PEG 😞

[@dezerismith7529]

I’m from Saginaw Michigan, I live now in Grand Rapids for almost 2 years, and I’ve never felt more lonely in my life, and the fact that I don’t drive and use public transportation only limits me lots and also I don’t have any family or friends here, and it would be easier to go back home where my family is but I was lonely there to , to an extent.

[@coreygibbs3149]

Totally on point. I have been here 6 months, and it can be a little difficult meeting new people.

[@StevenRussellB]

Thanks for watching!

[@zareenatheasimone3945]

Definitely in this situation now. I'm an introvert too though which adds a layer of difficulty. I know I will have to push hard to get past the temptation to give up and self isolate.

[@SamKenDa1]

Vienna is so big it’s overwhelming, it feels like a simulation

[@rach.2990]

I appreciate how real you are in this. Thanks for sharing the lows as well as the highs in your content. In my experience feeling alone has many factors.. I think the place where you live is only a small part of that equation. A lot of the time loneliness comes from feeling people are unable to relate to you, whether that be because of your upbringing, personality, difference in opinion..ect. and that really can happen anywhere, not just big cities.

[@StevenRussellB]

Thanks for watching Rachel! I totally agree this is definitely not just a big city thing.

[@christina9238]

I left the US to backpack for an indefinite amount of time and never had a single issue finding "friends" and feeling connected to people to converse, party, travel, explore with. Cities were polluted and overwhelming, but I remember chiang mai being one of my favorites. I "moved" back to the US last year- and settled in Denver because it was where my belongings were stored so made the most sense logistically- and it's been the most lonely time of my life. Everyone is focused on work- has limited free time, no one says hello in the streets, the culture imo sucks. Ive explored Houston, nyc, San Fran, Miami, amongst a few others...and I don't think the cultural difference as far as the points above are all that different. To each their own, but for me , the US is a tough place and the cities here even more so. Im counting down the days until my lease ends.

[@jessd7281]

It’s very true. I have lived here my whole life and many people I have become friends with over the years move away or move back home because they are not originally from Chicago. So I really resonate with you there!

[@TheLexieWilson]

I actually JUST moved to Orlando, FL from uptown Chicago. I moved last month after living in Chicago for 4 years and I can completely understand what you're saying. Especially about feeling like a number.... :( When i first moved - i was hopeful and excited! I'm an extrovert too / so I was excited to make friends! I'm originally from NYC - so I thought I could handle it. However, after 4 years / i felt unseen, ignored, and lonely. I struggled to make friends / and I felt like no one really saw that I was there. In NYC - because i grew up in the same borough / i knew everyone and everyone was talkative and friendly. In Chicago / no one talked to me. No "hey, how are you?", etc. In the suburbs, it's friendlier / but in the city.... I felt such a lonely ache that I eventually decided I had to move. So now I'm in FL. I love how people actually talk TO you and say "hello". I've already made friends and it's been one month. So I don't think i was cut out for Chicago / but I loved tour honesty with this because it validated a lot of my own experiences. And i love how you said - it's ok to leave. Cause it is. So I loved this video! You're super authentic, man! I hope you have a ton of success in everything you do!

[@goranstamenkovic2928]

Lexie Wilson Same thing happened to me when i was in Chicago!!! They were so COLD!! We New Yorkers like to talk maybe lil rude but i think is our tone not character!!! In Chicago people are scared to talk and have fun!!! Coming back to New york was heey whats up!!! Still shot some shit whit you!!! I have to move back i hate it!! I expect too much from Chicago but i see👎🏻

[@StevenRussellB]

This was awesome to read! Thank you so much. All the best to you as well!

[@JayBrown-xs9ps]

This is one of the most insightful videos I've seen in my entire search for a new city to move to from my hometown. Addressed many concerns that hadn't been before.

[@Phillydreaming]

Ever since I was 17 I had wanted to move to California really bad, and after a lot of hard work and planning I did it. But in recent times its started to feel extremely painful and lonely. I feel like I am meant to be here, but I spend a lot of my free time sad or crying. Because of my career I also can't really fly home for holidays so having to plan a solo thanksgiving and Christmas is also so depressing... but I am trying to get used to it.

[@overPowerPenguin]

"Because of my career I also can't really fly home for holidays" You can't get used to this.

[@Akac3sh]

Really rough. Moved from Columbia sc to Houston Texas all by myself for college. Currently in my second year of being here. Even with all the weight and pressure to do well here to handle my responsibilities and just survive when im not high i just feel empty. I don’t have family here or know anyone here I made 2 good friends but we all have our own things going and all we do is smoke idk man it just gets weird by yourself.

[@jasonmims5057]

My experience with this these feelings is that it depends on how extroverted/introverted your personality type is. I'm 70% introverted so I love time to myself more than I love socializing. I live in Minneapolis a city I'm not originally from and a city not only with a low transient population but a city with bad rep for insular standoffish behavior. Dispite this Ive never felt lonely living here because of my introverted personality. So I think someone with a more extroverted personality is going to struggle more with loneliness in a new city they've moved to.

[@JayBrown-xs9ps]

Very insightful. I always wondered why being alone seemed to hurt me more than others.

[@tr1ckster726]

I am about to possibly move to a new city and I am scared shitless. If I already feel lonely in my hometown, i am surely going to feel lonely in a big town where i literally don't know anyone. Eugh 😮

[@jonrayo2890]

My girlfriend had a dorm in Chicago but it was like a studio apartment. She would be alone most of the time and when I would come over she would be so happy to have me there because she said it gets very lonely and boring. I think it’s good to work in the city but to come home in the suburbs is a nice warm feeling. I like Chicago but the suburbs of Chicago feel more like home.

[@mattconcertlife]

this video is so damn accurate its scary

[@danieladam9085]

I lived my whole life in a Dutch village with a lot of nature. Soon I want to move to the 5th largest city of the Netherlands with a population of almost 250.000 people. Not as big as Chicago or other famous cities, but in the Netherlands we don't have such big cities with millions of people. But compared to a village surrounded by forests and other small villages it's very big/huge. In my village is besides enjoying nature and wildlife (which I love) really nothing to do. Especially for young people like me. So I'm really excited to move to a vibrant international city with a lot of young people, pubs/cafes, shopping malls, nice street markets with great street food and a big/famous football club. The city life will be very different than the village life.

[@pranavsathyan6460]

Man this is exactly me... In the first 6 mins + Corona....

[@stopthrm]

. . . I didn't end up moving to a big city like chicago, but I did end up in a different city than where I grew up. I had visited it from time to time growing up but it was still very unfamiliar to me to the point where I found it interesting. It certainly had the types of job prospects/recreation/lifestyle going for it that I liked and from a least a distance, and it looked like the place for me. I ended up working in this city on and off for years and then finally when I was able to get into a job that I really vibed with I took the plunge and relocated. Long story short, it ended up being a very chaotic move and after a few attempts I had to wave the surrender flag. High cost of living was the biggest blocker there. For what most people living there actually made it was hard to find affordable housing for many and due to the area's popularity, any reasonably priced homes were often overbid on so rentals were what most made due with. The quality of most rentals were ... garbage. Old buildings that hadn't been updated in 30+ years would go for high rent due to their proximity to the city center. Apartment hunting was so competitive that as soon as you'd see a new listing you had to assume that it was probably already fully rented since you had to compete with the word of mouth scene. Honestly by the end, it felt like I l was being shoved out. I met many great and interesting people through work and outside of work but there were many more bitter, disgruntled, and downright frustrated people that I saw all of the time and that got old after a while. I didn't have much luck with neighbors most of the time either and 2/3rds of the time ended up with party until 5am on a weekday, everyday crowd. Even though I left, I can still enjoy the city from a distance and I've learned that there's nothing wrong with that.

[@francisco1495]

hey man, thank you so much for this videos, they really did help me prior of moving here. I just moved in this satuday January 25th, So far I´ve been liking it, but can not avoid to feel alone at times

[@StevenRussellB]

Awesome to hear. Thanks for watching!

[@johwa9680]

Yes, I do agree that it sometimes feels more lonely living in the city. A lot of energy outside but when I get home, it is vacant O_O but still living in the city is worth it lmao

[@ubelyildmar2368]

If you have awesome people around you, you will crave a community. If you grew up in a toxic or unsupportive environment, you may become introverted and find solace in the impersonal life of a big city.

[@farbodaghahassani4009]

I appreciate your feeling I think moving to a big city makes you surrounded by more motivated people but living in a small city is more boring people somehow happy with what they have and they might not be willing to change anything. that sucks...

[@xhello_momox]

Hey Steven! Great videos. I'm planning to move to Chicago soon so I've been binge watching all your videos. I know how you feel. When I moved to SF in 2017, it felt so lonely and isolating. I didn't have friends or family in the area. It made it so much more difficult to be a first year teacher since I didn't have my support group. What helped me was finding my community. I joined a Filipino dance troupe there and it was the best decision ever. I got lucky because many of us were like minded and it was great to hang out with them. Also, I made connections with my Filipino students and their parents made me feel like a part of the family. To cope, I flew back to Seattle like every month for 11 months! No joke. Sometimes I can't believe I did that. It was a lot of money but it was worth every penny. After a year I moved back. Soon I'm moving to Chicago! I'm so excited! I think this move is going to be different. My boyfriend is there. His friends are my friends too. Also, my bf's family is so welcoming and they make me feel like a part of the family. The past 3 times I've visited them I always made plans to hang out and see all of them. Moving is tough, but honestly I feel like building that community before moving is going to make a large difference. It's something I didn't do when I moved to SF and I think my transition this time will be so much better because I know how I feel about being in Chicago and I know I'll be surrounded by folks who care about me as I transition to a new job. I'll also be in the burbs so I'll at least get that homey feel. You should make a video about how to prepare to move to a big city. (Health, hobbies, community, etc) I've been scouting my area to see where I can find tennis courts, where I could get my prescriptions, and where I can go for Asian groceries. I think you can help a lot of folks before their move if you help them think about what they need to consider. Hopefully that makes sense. Thanks for reading and wish you the best of luck dude!

[@StevenRussellB]

Thank you so much Moa! You make a lot of good points and I like your video idea recommendation. Best of luck:)

[@cgreen777]

Human beings are social animals with traditions living in tight knit families and tribes. Sending someone into Exile was a form of punishment, Isolation, stimulus deprivation are still used as forms of punishment.

[@friendsandfriends2227]

Born and Raised in Seattle, planning on moving to Chicago in the next year or so. Seattle is a very lonely place i'd say. The culture is very stand offish and to actually make new friends takes a long time of being around them for a good period of time. Common here to avoid saying hi to people you know as acquaintances. Made some new friends in the improv community here but the people I've talked to who are not from Seattle say the people are super weird and unfriendly. Hoping Chicago has more chill friendly people lol.

[@goranstamenkovic2928]

Friends and Friends chicagoans are not friendly!!! Cold soo be ready to be lonely!!!

[@StevenRussellB]

Chicago people pretty nice. Everyone has different experiences. Good luck with everything and thanks for watching!

[@thehuntgray]

Went through this when moving to Phoenix from the East coast after graduating. Insanely difficult and you start to question, “what am I doing here?”

[@ankit7493]

.... 😣 its hard

[@rachitagarwal9628]

Hey Steven! You're video's are sweet! I moved here 3 weeks ago! So far I love it here. I was wondering if you would like to meet up for food or drinks? I would love to meet people and make friends in Chicago.

[@NaNa-kj2gw]

The problem is you moved in Chicago. You'd have the same loneliness in other big asshole cities too, like LA and NYC. You'd actually enjoy yourself and make lots of friends in big friendly cities though, like San Diego.

[@angelatheking6720]

Unfortunately, I'm sure many can relate

[@StevenRussellB]

Yep. Thanks for watching!

[@dddavid132]

Is it hard to make friends in new big city?

[@BagBoysClub]

How come you’re not making videos anymore?

[@StevenRussellB]

I've moved over to primarily posting on my other channel about baseball for the moment.

[@EmilyGloeggler7984]

It’s better than dealing with rural meddlers and busybodies. I don’t miss the countryside.

[@greenlion6544]

I really feel bad him. He probably doesn’t have the personality to make friends, and that’s OK. I’ve moved to multiple major cities all over the US and Europe, and within a month I usually had a group of friends and a couple of friends with benefits. I also have no problem living alone, until I left one city for another with a wife.

[@miguelmolina9985]

G L damn. congrats on the sex bro!

[@greenlion6544]

Miguel Molina the sex?

[@malbinulepzictvx5424]

so are you recording this vedio by your self

[@admortor]

I like you.

[@pauldouris5588]

Jesus is king and our savior repent of sin so you can be saved remember Jesus Christ loves you and he’s coming soon