THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

[@skittay]

the concept of a guy entering that spiral, getting stuck for 6 hours, realizing he'll be late for dinner, and then just LEAVING that spiral is literally the funniest goddamn thing to happen in this podcast

[@tanisrulerofall]

tay totpson I kin that man

[@tempusmars6272]

The distortion must have been so pissed.

[@voidmatic]

@@tanisrulerofall I was honestly visibly shaking I was so mad at him at the end of that statement it drove me bonkers lol

[@Parietal-Polymath]

Apparently "anchors" are a key escaping The Lonely, The Spiral, and The Buried. Perhaps The Vast as well

[@marinao4412]

the english are just like that

[@agoatinthecircus125]

highlights: "i saw a ghost" "...your name is john smith." "l e t m e s t a r t a g a i n" "s z s m s p i d e r s" All of this people probably had a real encounter with something but without spooky eye powers its so hard to put em together and its so damn AwKwArD

[@Makujah_]

"MC Gets-Sidetracked-Easily back in the heezy"

[@joyfullyitdevours]

a l o t o f s p i d e r s

[@gibbcharron3469]

@Ash S Yeah, they've said a few times that the Institute gets a ton of crank calls and whatnot. I think this episode demonstrates the (hilariously frustrating) process of separating the wheat from the chaff, especially without Jon around to compel proper coherent statements out of people.

[@mimkyodar]

@Ash S The funny thing is, because its on tape, its confirmed that it was real.

[@themaninyourcomputer]

"you know...t h e g o v e r m e n t" "...The government"

[@IsisNiko]

imagine michael traps someone in his weird hell corridor dimension and its this guy who just decides to leave bc he'll miss dinner

[@cappuccino1645]

I don't know if Michael would be impressed or annoyed.

[@namaschu9418]

@@cappuccino1645 bored maybe

[@Barely_Here]

well the idea about the endless stuff is to have something to anchor you to leave. for example the underwater lady snapped out of the vision and escaped falling into an endless ocean by having her had touch something sharp and that broke the trance, and i dont know if its tied to the endless crowd that didnt have people is related, but that person snapped out of it by anchoring himself with the vision of his mother.

[@amniamin22]

@@cappuccino1645 I spent hours working on this elaborate Spiral maze it's my proudest invention oh look here comes a victim now hahaha I can't wait to see his face as he slowly breaks into insanity - wait. Wait where's he going? He's LEAVING?! He can't do THAT!!

[@RainWelsh]

@@amniamin22 literally though! Like Joe Spooky’s in there doing his best Old Man Crying Noises, rubbing his hands together like “oooh, I wonder if this one will last for days before he goes insane, or weeks, or months, or... Well, fuck.” I like the idea of him meeting up with Megan (who failed to adequately spook Sebastian the himbo plumber) and just going on a rant about how people just don’t appreciate fine artisanal scares these days.

[@sophienah4654]

I love the entire episode being dedicated to the rest of them struggling without Jons powers

[@megalunalexi5601]

my patience is struggling without Jon's powers O_O

[@jakebrill5990]

Lol I never thought about it like that

[@roseclearwater9904]

Lol 😂 this is to funny I didn’t even think of that being the reason all his statement givers come out so consistently well told

[@TheGoauldApophis]

I've heard this episode many times and this only occurred to me today.

[@broblerone413]

this is so freaking funny, i had actually been wondering how all the statement-givers were so good at speaking during statements

[@maryagrimm8412]

I just realized how scary Jon would be on a date or smthn. He asks you one semi-personal question, accidentally uses his powers, and the next thing you know you're giving a horrifyingly detailed explanation of your deepest darkest fears for the whole restaurant to hear.

[@dendakrmelova1201]

thAT WOULD BE ACTUALLY SO FUNNY ANSKSAL- jon would be just sitting there like '👁️👄👁️alrighty m8'

[@f_mva]

he probably wouldn't even notice, he'd just nod along and mindlessly turn on his tape recorder

[@purplecatloverrandompizza]

After: and that's why I have a deep fear of rejection. Jon recording: I see. Stateme- shit. Wait that wasn't- GOD DAMMIT ELIAS

[@broblerone413]

lol this is a hilarious thought! i can kinda imagine what it'd be like since for some reason people constantly feel the need to spill their guts and tell me their life story. it would get so freaking frustating

[@reluctantlysmol4274]

that's a good comedy bit ngl

[@fays.p.5663]

I would kill for Martin "you could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you' Blackwood

[@maxwilson2785]

She was a bit rude and difficult and then Martin apologized and paid her??

[@broblerone413]

@@maxwilson2785 not to mention she likely made the story up for money

[@cheyannegiles9772]

@@broblerone413 actually according to a qna, all these statements are real

[@Vi_Vi_1]

She really came in here and said "I saw a ghost. She was on fire. Then I moved away" and EXPECTED TO GET PAID???? GURL 💀😂

[@AlessaParker]

even worse she thought she'd get paid from only saying "I saw a ghost" the end 😂

[@Vi_Vi_1]

@@AlessaParker you're so right 😂 they had to coax even that much out of her lmfao

[@SkarlettRage]

Ikr! 😂😂 I'd at least add some flare to the story if I felt I'd get paid to tell a ghost story 😂😅

[@lizg7564]

Oh I misinterpreted that entirely! I thought she was asking for an invoice to pay the institute 😅 and I was like oh ,that's a good point, where's the money coming from ?

[@captaincrazycreative]

And now she's a main character in her own podcast Good for her 👍

[@flying_pig_girl]

Basira is clearly used to taking people's statements, I love the character consistency.

[@Vi_Vi_1]

Those details are what make me love this series extra

[@DamZ1428]

Though luck, she got the worse guy

[@jeffjeff24]

i love how the only sure thing to combat the powers so far is being so absent minded you barely notice smth's weird

[@rainy1835]

true, though we also got the coffin guy who knew something was weird but basically just went "nnnope, fuck that" lol

[@starsixseven9259]

"Scary monsters? you do you boo. you do you."

[@holicandy01]

It's like they used to say about bullying "dont react the way they want and they will leave you alone" or those ghosts that "feed on your fear!" and the heroes win by not fearing! Once an armed robber went after a good friend of mine and in a mindless reaction he slaped the gun from the man's hand, the robber collected his gun and ran away. After that my friend was in panic, but everything was fine and he could laugh about it. Maybe we are safe from a lot of things we dont notice? Like when someone rushes to you and say "you almost got hit/tripped" by or on something you didnt even see. Holy heck am I giving an statement?! Am I going to *notice* something now that woll cause me to react and give it the powerchancemotice to get me???? help

[@DerMoerpler]

@@winterwolf211 "Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them. You knew something was wrong. You came back into the house. Did I force you, did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink." - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Curiousity, while also responsible for the progress of humanity, can be a dangerous thing. Though there are several people in this podcast that got into their situation by no fault of their own or when they realized that something was off, it was already way too late. That's what I like about it, there are not many people in the statements that are 80s-Slasher-Movie levels of stupid.

[@torcaace]

the gigachad plumber in the MAG 87: The Uncanny Valley comes to mind. Dude went into Megan's Stranger skin-doll producing factory, never understood anything about the skinning humans stuff she was saying to him, literally removed a corpse stuck in a pipe and fucking left. The Stranger's avatars were so baffled he didn't notice shit they called him to come a second time and had to literally emove their puppet heads for him to notice. He then got scared and started throwing hands with the puppets. (rip to a real one)

[@lmaoo3993]

martins awkward exchange with the girl will never NOT be funny oh my god him giving her the money for coffee yet being like maybe not as much as a macchiato is COMEDY GOLD LMAOO

[@megalunalexi5601]

I'm DYING of second hand embarrassment

[@horrificreader4084]

It hurt to listen to, like dude you could have got a coffee.

[@rita6355]

Martin is such a lovely Man I love him

[@MakeItPossible2011]

Alex said that he improvised the scene where he gives her the money, that makes it even better 😂

[@americantoastman7296]

Yeah I was screaming with... Idk second hand embarrassment? Like Martin, my poor bean, that girl made up the whole story for money and now you feel like you have let her down and she deserves some compensation? Nooooooo. I get it, you sweet little man, but nooooooooo

[@theotherghostgirl337]

Obviously adhd is the only true defense against the spiral

[@olympus10001]

your brain's already in the spiral, that's why

[@marinao4412]

the stranger, too. remember that guy from a few episodes ago who zoned out so hard he entirely missed that a woman was offering to skin him and just left?

[@SpaceCowboySlade]

Neuro divergent people just be like that

[@pinegay7204]

Good to know I'm not the only one noticing that xD

[@silverquill101]

I'm immune then

[@transma_verick]

joshua "freeze the key" gillepse and robin "i left the spiral for dinner" lennox need to meet

[@ot7biasedmashups]

Okay but the girl just going back to sleep after being burnt by a ghost is also legendary😂😂

[@karihuber3169]

Only one and a half brain cells in the whole series

[@jemcarstairs8479]

And Karolina "guess I'll just lay down and die" Górka

[@frogonthebikeheh]

@@jemcarstairs8479 She kinda went to sleep too 😂😂

[@HUSoldier66]

They can get dinner with Sebastian "I completely ignored The Stranger and BSOD'd a living mannequin" Skinner

[@SnackBasket]

The spiral guy is 100% proof that not being scared is the best way to get out of the thrall or whatever of the entities. He straight up went "oh shit I'm gonna be late for dinner, so now I will leave." and then HE DID!!

[@ANDELE3025]

The real fear that not one of the entities can capture is the fear of the consequences of being late to mom (or grandma) making a family dinner.

[@torcaace]

also the plumber in the episode about the Stranger's skin-doll house where he left after he didn't notice anything weird going on in the place, not even the weird shit the puppets were saying, let alone the puppets, so they called him again and immediately just revealed themselves to be puppets just to scare him. (he got scared and immediately started beating everyone up. he's probably dead though. rip to a real one)

[@rhyelm]

@@torcaacehow could you guys forget Karolina "I'll just sleep in a crushing train" Górka

[@torcaace]

@@rhyelm she's #3-4 on my list lol

[@flamingtorrent2109]

“And i left” THATS THE SECRET EVERYONE. Spooky shit happening? JUST LEAVE. If shit sucks, hit da bricks!

[@cawareyoudoin7379]

Wow. That is in... Stark contrast to what statements we heard with the Archivist. I guess getting a dramatic creepy story out of someone isn't as easy without creepy eyeball powers.

[@francofoohs2667]

heheh i was the 420th like hehehehehehhe

[@cawareyoudoin7379]

@@francofoohs2667 Nice.

[@f_mva]

it's so funny... martin is trying his best but he can't compel them to go all lyrical like jon can, poor bby

[@allenl5960]

Apparently, it's not just a 'spill your beans!' but also has a 'please get back on track' ability and either enhancing memory or dragging the memory back out of a person power as well. Which I guess would makes things go much smoother, considering how some people wait a year or two before deciding to give their statements.

[@cawareyoudoin7379]

@@allenl5960 Yeah. Are you commenting as you go along? First time?

[@clovercard22]

"Who are you?" "I'm uh.... Smith" "... just Smith?" "John! John Smith" "Jooohn" "Smith" "............your name is John Smith" "John Smith" Why was this so funny

[@ravenwing6872]

It's literal poetry

[@Ghostrecall_M]

You try coming up with a fake name on the spot.

[@Pineapplecrispy]

That’s like fake name 101

[@royalknightsleipmon2345]

Actually yeah it probably was a fake name given he went full conspiracy theorist about the evil government experiments underground.

[@rainy1835]

god jon really was the thing holding shit together huh. ive been binging these, and i loved all of them but always found difficulty with suspending the disbelief that all the stories are told so detailed and calmly and dramatically, when describing horrible death and trauma. its cool to see that it was actually just jon accidentally compelling them the whole time, and if they didnt have him itd just be this nonsense 24/7.

[@pianos4095]

Yeah

[@megalunalexi5601]

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. I'm glad they addressed it but I am struggling with this episode

[@rob4ctwo]

if this kind of shit is what jon had to read through before season1 i dont blame him for being so snappy in season1 because w h e w

[@freya951]

TOTALLY! I wonder if this was always planned, or if they decided to write it as a bit of a response to all the comments I saw saying the same thing. It gives me meta-giggles to think about it.

[@Child_of_Fae]

Well Jon mentioned at #1 that he made a special category for statements like this because there were so many, we just never had to listen to them before

[@ktmac8]

The spiral clearly booted Robin as fast as it possibly could. I'm crying laughing omg

[@nanahuatli2144]

It wasn't as fast as possible. It held him for six hours and the guy didn't even notice! So I guess at that point it gave up, spat him out and spent the rest of the night sulking.

[@veselinnedkov643]

@@nanahuatli2144 kinda reminds me of The Uncanny Valley, where everyone is so stunned that the plumber doesn't notice the. Mess. So they just let him go and then call him again during the day.

[@americantoastman7296]

@@veselinnedkov643 yeeeeah good call! Its so weird, all these entities seem to care a LOT about being seen. Another example - the fucking blanket monster. Couldve just doinked our dude the first night. But no, it had to play ring around the rosie for three weeks just so it could pull a big ol m night shyamalan at some arbitrary point. So unprofessional...

[@Dunedien]

@@americantoastman7296 First time listener but I’m guessing it’s because they feed on the fear as much as the person’s death. So if the person doesn’t notice or isn’t afraid there’s no point and they lose their hold on you. Like the girl that got out because she fell asleep in the train station lmao

[@americantoastman7296]

@@Dunedien yeah great point actually

[@devinsiegfried9351]

Martin's was terribly, humorously, PAINFULLY awkward. Tim's was mostly just "meh, okay" (=.=) which turned into a "yeah, eff you too" >:[ Basira's kept going out of tangent and she's exhaustively tried to bring the dude back to the point of the story. And then Melanie's just trying her best to get a statement but the dude is traumatizing himself even further. And John's most likely tied up in a van somewhere.

[@f_mva]

i had forgotten about jon. oh no.

[@Ghostrecall_M]

Eh, could be worst.

[@just_a_cryptid]

@@Ghostrecall_M you know a usually Thursday

[@elle8058]

LMAO

[@holycarp1676]

....with an arm out of a tail light by now.

[@smeevca]

"I woke up and... ghost!" Absolutely KILLED me!

[@stephenguivara8388]

Same lmao

[@AshIzDead]

she is so useless 😂

[@sparks-of-magic]

the increase of um uhs really highlights the awkwardness of telling a story without weird archivist powers to help you out lmao

[@Miztli3]

I actually think is kinda refreshing to hear awkward statements like this from time to time instead of somber stories with the unknown. Lets me know there's actually "normal" people in the TMA universe

[@Companion92]

I guess the others are also normal, but get effected by the archivists and tell their story differnet because of it

[@beltaya276]

i think its just jons eye powers making them tell spooky wonderfully written stories about their trauma dfshkfdjh

[@dyld921]

The point is that they're all normal but the presence of the archivist compels them to tell their stories coherently

[@SuperClass3000]

I completely agree like I know people keep saying it's about like Jon's powers and whatnot but I think this is refreshing for a different reason like this is the other half you know like there are stories that actually are just nothing and crazy and stupid though I think most of you still would probably have some relevance later on I think this is refreshing cuz it's like this is what real people would be like if they had to tell the story about something happening nobody has their s*** together

[@Nobody_dw]

If the next ep doesn't start with 'Statement of Michael Spiral regarding a random ass dude that left for dinner' I don't wanna hear it

[@lilalino]

i mean you weren't competely wrong lmao (yes i know this comment is 3 years old)

[@Nobody_dw]

@@lilalino Ill have you know that I've had to go look up what the next episode is about (my brain isnt good at the remember) and I went though all the stages of grief again, thanks! (Time is meaningless in this place)

[@soaring-comet]

so i feel bad for martin bc he was just so awkward but robin, i think it was, talking about his dog? that’s just adhd tbh

[@thefluffyaj4119]

yea i have adhd pretty bad (surprised this podcast has kept my attention for this long) and the whole time i was watching (listening?) to that guys statement i couldnt help but think "thats adhd babey" cuz i talk pretty much exactly like him. cant keep a coherent story for the life of me

[@lokimemes4694]

TheFluffy AJ I have it too, and yeah this is STRONG adhd energy

[@Lightning-ik3so]

I'm glad to know everyone else could feel the adhd too lol

[@Jouninbaka]

@@thefluffyaj4119 lmao glad i'm not the only one who resonated with him

[@HokoriChanXD]

I honestly wanted to strangle that girl =__= But with Robin I was crying the whole time to Basira to just give him a piece of paper! Hon, just. Just give him a pen and maybe tea and gtfo of there ;__;

[@Record_Scratch]

I love this episode. They all had encounters with the one of the big baddies but their statements ended up being nonsensical just because Jon wasn't present with his freaky power to compel them to compose spooky poetry. Not to mention their encounters are hilarious? The first woman just kept going back to sleep? The second guy instead of saying something creepy like "the dark ate my friend" thinks that the GOVERNMENT did it???? What??? Like they are just skulking around there waiting for people to break into a tube station??? The third guy just left. I feel bad for the fourth guy but I love how normal he sounded while describing his problem unlike the ghost spider guy.

[@frogonthebikeheh]

The jacket day guy was amazing. He wasn't having any of that stuff. Dinner was important. *_"So I just left..."_*

[@table2.0]

@@frogonthebikehehhe’s the most casual guy ever XD :0 wait- do you think his uncaring attitude towards it is what let him leave? The stranger feeds on the fear of the unknown and uncanny- this guy was just walking his dog in the spiral for 6 hours and casually left to go have dinner XDD

[@OFS_Razgriz]

@@table2.0 They all feed on fear. If you're not afraid, merely curious, they have no real control over you. This is probably why Elias is practically untouchable - he knows a lot, he's accumulated a lot of power, and he has a contingency for literally every situation, so he has nothing to fear.

[@defme1]

ok martin just murdered my soul through second hand embarrassment but i related HARD to Basira just being completely nonplussed by robin just choosing to leave the Spiral......goddddd i love these characters so much

[@frogonthebikeheh]

Basira was flabbergasted

[@anemoi6803]

I mean this episode just explained how the spookies stay hidden. Seeing a spooky is damn near impossible to put into words, without the archivists power they're just incoherent rambling. I also love that all of these stories probably happened and are extremely useful but without Jon's power barely any information can be gathered from them

[@parisb8084]

According to one of the Q&As all of these statements are considered real!

[@Vi_Vi_1]

Right? It's such a cool way to show just now unique the Archivist's powers are, and why so much of this goes undetected

[@proinsiascassidy2888]

"Statement. Ends." Lmao, I can actually _hear_ the life draining out of Tim thanks to John Smith.

[@freya951]

Honesty, I can't help but picture the Spiral and/or Michael just kicking Robin Lennox out when they realized he went in more circles than they did LOL

[@nadiarey4196]

Underrated comment

[@SpeCt3r1995]

So I just listened to the assistant round table and found out that Martin giving the girl money wasn't even in the script. Apparently Alex just did a bit of improv and the actress was actually desperately trying not to laugh. I love this entire cast so much.

[@cupidcalling5599]

*I AM DYING.* I LOVE THAT THERE'S A NARRATIVE REASON FOR THE STORIES THAT ARE TOLD TO JON BEING SO DRAMATIC AND WELL-TOLD. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE A TAD UNREALISTIC BUT THIS IS SO WELL EXECUTED AND AWKWARD!

[@horrificreader4084]

I always thought the people Jon was listening to were profesional story tellers.

[@f_mva]

there's an in-universe explanation for everything, it's incredible

[@olivers.4737]

TBH, the fact that even the most uneducated low-life previously gave a well rounded story, beautifully paced with good narrative and langage was my first clue that The Institute was part of the strange entities (back in late season 1, where no Power was clearly identified, innocents days....)

[@ablynn_thegalewinds]

"So I left." "You-- huh?" "I was gonna be late to dinner, so"

[@proinsiascassidy2888]

I'm in stitches, these are so horribly awkward. I never worked in customer service, but from all the stories I heard I imagine _this_ is exactly how most of the conversations go.

[@rob4ctwo]

you're not wrong lmao, i heavily related to how tired tim was in this

[@someoneawesome8717]

Yeah it's pretty much this, almost every day

[@juniper-moss]

Pretty much, yes 😂

[@asoaringheart]

IT IS YOU'RE NOT WRONG PEOPLE JUST TELL THEIR RAMBLING LIFE'S STORIES

[@kait-o-vision]

this is my first comment on one of these episodes but I just need to say I physically withered when Martin forked over the coffee change

[@f_mva]

this man really is too pure for the archives

[@americantoastman7296]

Lmaooooo

[@nicoww9182]

I know others have said this, but when talking about this podcast one of my main criticisms has always been "people are too coherent, they remember everything perfectly, it's so detailed." and to understand now, fully, with one episode what I was already starting to understand because of Jon's powers- it recontextualizes everything. It adds such a beautiful layer and explains it so well and demonstrates it. This episode is painful to listen to. and I LOVE IT. It feels so reassuring. I miss the Archivist now.

[@-S.L.]

IKR!?! it really shows how different the assistants are from the Archivist even tho they can all get the Will Graham Super Empathy Effect when they record the statements for the Eye - but a lot of the old statements that were given on paper weren't "compelled" by the Archivist. Prentiss wrote hers out in the foyer/lobby or whatever and only interacted with the lady at the desk, and the guy in Dreamer wanted to speak to Gertrude but the only option he was given was writing it down - before Jon's time as Archivist began it seems like it was mostly written statements, not oral ones. So that suggests the Compelling effect works without the Archivist speaking to you themselves, but Gertrude would probably have been around - which makes me wonder if the Archivist only needs to be present in the building for the Eye to have that effect on people giving written statements without Archivist interaction?

[@cartoonistanonymous]

"She wouldn't have been there for long." I died.

[@dandeliondaffodyls1426]

So did she 🔥

[@ot7biasedmashups]

​@@dandeliondaffodyls1426 💀

[@maryagrimm8412]

Martin guilt tripping himself into buying that girl a coffee lmao

[@Hope-ti3ts]

I like to imagine Michael let Robin leave the Spiral just because he thought it would be funny. He was right too.

[@jamilla8588]

the dog guy is hands down my new favourite character ever

[@Ghostrecall_M]

"Robin but my friends call me Rob, atleast I think they do"

[@Vi_Vi_1]

"so I got out of the spiral and went to dinner" XD

[@daringromanVA]

@@Vi_Vi_1 no one: Robin : " yea so- uh- I just left and didn't think twice about whatever tf happened- "

[@broblerone413]

"you know when you look outside and say 'it's jacket weather'"

[@lilimia100]

the audio distorsion when something Odd happens freaks me out so much i love it

[@aesynthi6884]

ikr i flinched so hard when the distortion at the end happened

[@NaturallyCapricious]

I love listening to distorted versions of songs I like, try that out at like 3 in the morning while drawing or something. 10/10 experience would highly recommend.

[@BathroomCube]

the dog walker dude is a phat mood. i psychiatrist once turned to my mom when i was in the middle of a tangent and said "you realize its not normal for people to talk like this, right?"

[@imlovedavepetab3374]

... it's not?

[@TheNitpickChick]

Ah... ADHD , my old friend. 😅 The way that dude talks is my mind 24/7. Just going off on long, rambling tangents constantly, and then I have to stop and force myself back to my original train of thought. Like “Wait... How did I end up analysing my feelings about lava lamps? What was I doing before this, again? ...Oh right! I was listening to a podcast, but I got sidetracked and had to pause so I could stare off into space for half an hour!” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@everythingcoffee8901]

​@@TheNitpickChick ...listening to a podcast and thinking about a different podcast

[@americantoastman7296]

@@TheNitpickChick i dont think i have adhd but mood. If I let myself, I can get distracted soooo easily. One second im doing something, the next Im wondering how I ended up five meta layers deep in a completely different topic in my head.

[@jamiel6005]

Wait it’s not

[@8ball191]

robin is me doing basic tasks and repeating half of the shit i say because i dont remember a damn thing

[@8ball191]

BRIAN IS SO FICKINGFUNNY IM SO SORRY SIR

[@8ball191]

IM LOSING MY MIIIND JOHN SMITH WILDING..

[@lucypher7812]

"If I were trapped in the middle of an eldritch spiral, I would just leave. RIP to you guys, but I'm different." - Dog Guy

[@kaygirl10101]

Elias, sitting in his office, getting a voice from the ether: "Dang, these suck, man. It's like eating a bag of chips, there's no nutritional value here. When is Jon coming back?"

[@kait-o-vision]

this was actually a really great way to celebrate 100 episodes, a slight break featuring a good amount of the cast with some humor...I think I needed it, thank you. I've been binging these this past week and the amount of anxiety I normally experience has about tripled and it's not because of the spookies--- it's because of JON

[@broblerone413]

an episode of comedic relief is just what we needed after 99 intense episodes

[@maguc5906]

I love how IRL most of this episode was also improv. The actors just got given a small description of what to say and they had to improvise from the LMAO

[@alexdillahunt6908]

As a person who has worked in customer service for two years, I fully empathize with with the protagonists this episode. This is exactly what working in CS is like. People want something from you, but refuse to tell you what it is. A customer has a problem that takes 30 seconds to fix, but instead they will take five minutes to tell you everything except the information you need to fix it. And, finally, customers yelling at you for something your company has no control over or isn't even related to your company in the slightest.

[@mackenziedillon295]

It never occurred to me that without The Archivist it would be exponentially harder to collect adequate statements.

[@swiftfeathers7028]

Never realized how helpful Jon's powers were LMAO

[@stephenguivara8388]

Ikr

[@luckfoser]

finally commenting on this episode because it's the only one i've absolutely had to pause, because holy shit. i'll take those 99 episodes of horror and suspense easy. secondhand embarrassment is a poison i'm not immune to

[@ariannekinnersley552]

Oh my goodness, someone understands my pain! Having to pause and walk away for a bit and prepare.

[@f_mva]

spiders, flesh, monsters? eh. now THIS is my greatest fear...

[@americantoastman7296]

Saaaaame! Dude whisper the creepiest shit into my ear and Ill come back for seconds, but make me witness someone stumbling their way through an incoherent train of thought??? Make me hear Martin 'precious bean' Blackwood fork over "not quite enough money for a Macchiato" and apologize(?!?!) to some random person who only came in to scam them (presumably)???? Dude I am OUT!

[@alljammedup6781]

My heart goes out to the poor man with the spider problem talking to........ it's really hard for me to differentiate Melanie and Basira's voices, but I know it must be one of them.

[@Record_Scratch]

He's talking to Melanie. Whenever I have a problem differentiating their voices I just focus on the way they talk to others. Their attitudes are way too different lol.

[@late_prince8945]

You can also check info under video. Voice actors are usually listed on order as they appeared.

[@JesseColton]

There voices confuse me a bit too, it's usually the tone that helps you tell them apart. Melanie is annoyed by everything and Basira is just unfazed

[@icewave3031]

Yeah same, the transcripts are helpful for that

[@horrificreader4084]

How do you pronounce Calliope? Cal lo phe Or cal lo pee

[@klaushargreevesstanaccount8835]

this was a genius way to introduce how jon's powers really work while also giving us a comedic break. i was beaming from ear to ear the whole episode. truly phenomenal work from all cast and crew, although i don't know why i'm surprised anymore lmao

[@dwanimations7338]

Robin: are you a dog person? Basira: *sweats perfusely*

[@TheNitpickChick]

Okay, that made me snort. 😆

[@korrochime2432]

Did Peter just launch that poor dude into void

[@apollyoniguess]

at least no more spiders

[@mimkyodar]

Nah. Peter doesn't work for the void ;)

[@TheNitpickChick]

Ky0dar - Loneliness is a void of its own sort, wouldn’t you say? Not the same, but not so different either. 😉

[@FirstnameLastname-bn4gv]

Is it revealed later what happened to him?

[@TheNitpickChick]

Firstname Lastname - Not that I’m aware of. Once Peter decides someone needs some alone time, they’re not usually heard from again. :(

[@ironbarsjack7977]

The way Jon says “I guess you had to be there” 👁👄👁

[@takeoats]

YEAH!

[@T.F.Samwell]

You know one thing i've been thinking through out this series is "it sure is lucky that ALL of the people who come in to give statements are such eloquent detailed story tellers" And I kept wondering what it would really be like for the average person to try telling a good coherent story to someone in this situation. Now I know. Pour one out for these poor souls, god Martin's end conversation gave me so much second hand pain I suppose the archivist's powers also make people better at speaking, so that explains a lot 😂 I probably should have figured that by now.

[@Child_of_Fae]

I think the main point ist that 90% of the statements are written statements were people just sit in the room alone and write it down without being interrupted with questions. I mean there were like at least 5 statements like the dog guy statement were people wrote solid 5 minutes about a poem or a childhood memory before comming to the real event. The institute should go back to this tactic, saving a bunch of time and nerves for everyone xD

[@faksyan]

Shout out to my man Robin for not having any of this supernatural crap. He is out there walking his dog, visiting his mother for dinner and living his best life, what a legend

[@kyberserpent6397]

Jon, please come back, we're suffering.

[@just_a_cryptid]

No. He's having a forced vacation.

[@kathrynshadowen1303]

This girl who sees a whole ass ghost and just goes back to sleep and this kid who just up and leaves the spiral death trap when he's late for dinner are my idols I wish I was half as nonchalant as these two

[@Ghostrecall_M]

We adapted to have ADHD to increase our chances against the Spiral.

[@dannyg.4421]

I think the spiral story is true actually but I think the girl was making hers up because she thought they bought stories from people.

[@zGabaz]

I completely lost my sides with the girl as well, lmao. How can she NOT CARE that much hahahahahaha

[@kaydeejohnson2028]

@@dannyg.4421I mean if I were making up stories for money, I’d at least try to not look sus

[@dannyg.4421]

@kaydeejohnson2028 well my theory was that she wasn't trying to pass it off as real, she thought they just bought supernatural stories. Now I think they were all real but I won't ruin why I think so because it comes later.

[@skyclaude8847]

"What people are down there in the tunnels..Mr. Smith" "You know.... The Government" 💀💀💀

[@voidmatic]

gOD THAT MAN WITH THE DOG DROVE ME BONKERS ITS WAS LIKE,,, TEN MINUTES AND ALL I KNEW WAS THAT THERE WAS A GUY AND HE WALKED A DOG IN THE WOODS. and then,,, and then he LEFT??? HE L E F T ARE YOU K I D D I N G ME?? anyways fun times at the magnus institute

[@fauxclaws]

"it was scary and it made me feel scared" thats a big mood with this podcast lmao

[@KenKen3593]

1:05 Lynne Hammond, Pt. 1 4:44 “John Smith”, Pt. 1 8:08 Robin “Rob” Lennox, Pt. 1 11:26 Bryn Finlinson, Pt. 1 14:52 Lynne Hammond, Pt. 2 18:41 “John Smith”, Pt. 2 19:18 Robin “Rob” Lennox, Pt. 2 21:12 Brian Finlinson, Pt. 2

[@sandymcneish7820]

That third one sounded like a really bad d+d dm explaining a room in d and d

[@sandymcneish7820]

That... didn't come out the way I wanted it to...uh... POOR BRIAN AM I RIGHT HEHEHE

[@eabhaishere4558]

The pure chaotic energy of the archival assistant squad trying to operate without Jon’s powers to make subjects coherent morphing into pure the horror and dread of listening to an innocent man being subjugated to the Lucas family’s bullshit is so seemless yet still strangely jarring

[@consistencyiskey_]

Lol! I'm glad to find a comment about the Lucas family on here with that ending, felt bad for the poor guy just saying "Hello?" over and over. Wonder how much time he needed lol

[@BreadGolem]

THe GOvErNmEnT- Goddamn killed me.

[@schematicb5393]

That and Tim's response were so funny

[@neonavaro25]

A hundred episodes in and this is, by a landslide, the most painful thing I have had to listen to.

[@JesseColton]

The true horror: English awkwardness

[@trin-is-late]

You KNOW Elias is watching all this with popcorn in hand

[@HSiKboutLife]

this is fantastic! all of these stories connect to previous themes but bc john and his archivist powers arent there, theres not coherent story to put them together lolol, hilarious thank you

[@dannymern6425]

RIP Brian tho... bright side, no more spiders?

[@MyAnanin]

Yup, i'd take the Lonly over spider stuff any day!

[@martinag5479]

I can totally picture in my head Tim's expression on his face while he was speaking to "Smith"

[@wakipaki7381]

The funny bit is that if you recall, the only "true" stories Jon had encountered were the ones that only worked on tape. So it implies these rambling people actually did have something to them if they weren't recorded digitally or something. Or maybe they just felt like getting into Jon character and used the tape...

[@Jas-ii2bi]

i mean at least some of them seem fairly legitimate. The spiral and the spiders are both precedented things. Idk about the others but its definitely possible

[@mimkyodar]

Jon also used a laptop to check if they were legitimate. If they record on digital - not legitimate

[@f_mva]

@@Jas-ii2bi the lady on fire definitely wasn't real, the woman almost admitted she only went to give a statement because she thought she'd get paid

[@Jas-ii2bi]

@@f_mva just because the only reason she Told Them was to get paid doesnt mean that she made the Whole Thing up though... I think from what we know it very much could have been a real encounter. It's not like her story is the most bizarre thing in the archives so I dont see why it wouldn't be especially as it records to tape not digital

[@camiart_casual]

@@f_mva In an interview Jonny Sims confirmed that all of the statements in this episode are legitimately supernatural... which tbh only makes it funnier how blasé ghost-on-fire lady was about the whole thing 💀

[@falahl8781]

I love that these might all actually be connected to powers and are in at least 2 cases!(?imo) But without jon or even like context they don't know?!

[@angelica1042]

I honestly love that little detail. They’re important stories and seem like they would be in a normal episode, but without John it’s not coherent

[@parisb8084]

According to one of the Q&As all of these statements are real!

[@TheNitpickChick]

If we’re hearing a statement, then it’s on tape, which means it’s legit. No matter how incoherent the statement giver is. lol 😂

[@TheJuliana0901]

first of all this episode is HILARIOUS and Tim is just, so, so, done. martin tried being so helpful but dear God. basira, your poor poor girl you got stuck with the guy not even the Spiral wanted to tolerate. and, damn, Lukas, Elias is protective over his people? I can only imagine if he weren't, jesus

[@JustaSillyLittleGuy69]

In the transcripts, there's a subtitle that's literally "[Desperately trying to get him on track]"

[@afrogwitch]

Robin is a mad lad

[@swiftfeathers7028]

the dog guy was driving me crazy asdfghjjghk he seems like a sweet guy but oh my god...... .... please wrangle your train of thought

[@eliwhite6159]

well i guess him being so unfocused saved him from the spiral. Somehow. Maybe. Or maybe michael kidnapped him after the interview and we'll see him dog walking down the corridors, who knows

[@pianos4095]

I liked it, dogs are good :), just wanted to hear more about his dog tbh

[@maxwilson2785]

I really liked it, I wanted to hear what he had to say but Basira kept cutting him off 😔

[@amphitritemists4595]

I want to bring him back and have Jon get him to tell his story because it sounds like a good one🤣

[@americantoastman7296]

@@maxwilson2785 i really wanted to hear him talk more about his dog! Seemed like a real good dog! A real cute dog!

[@sordid_morbid]

the spider statement was the funniest this guys just like "THATS NOT N O R MA L !" n she has no idea what to do lmao

[@jakebrill5990]

"Today is a jacket day" and "Have you heard many old me cry?" Are the best lines of this episode lmao

[@santiagocastaneda7276]

I scrolled too far to find this truth

[@beltaya276]

omg thank god jon has eye powers because we've been spared from statements like this the whole series... imagine if we had to sit through 2 and a half seasons of this urfkjdnvcxmjknm

[@just_a_cryptid]

Honestly I don't think I would have stuck around

[@frogonthebikeheh]

People: die by the hand of the spiral The dog guy: *_so I just left..._*

[@germanerd6148]

"so what did you do? You're waking up in the night and seeing a woman is in fire in your flat so you...? "I mean what can you do? She wouldn't be there for long." That is hardcore. Just watching a woman burn to death in your flat.

[@f_mva]

i mean, im pretty sure the lady was making it up for the supposed money, didn't she almost admit it?

[@germanerd6148]

@@f_mva in a Q&A the author said that that story was true just like every statement we hear in the podcast. That woman just wouldn't have told anyone about it without money

[@rob4ctwo]

halfway through and i'm convinced this episode happened the way it did because people complained about language used in the statements taken directly from subjects and how unrealistic it was for people to speak that way. message received mr sims, no more complaining about people speaking too well.

[@klltsun_2576]

But Georgie had trouble starting her story, and found it easier after Jon asked/compelled her. I'm not sure if there were other hints in previous episodes, but it's that one that gave me the idea.

[@SI-nx3fo]

@@klltsun_2576 there was also that one time when Melanie came in to make a statement while Jon wasn't there, and Martin (i think?) offered to take it but she didn't seem to know where to start and asked if she couldn't "just see Jon"!! im pretty sure there's been other hints too that's just the one that stuck with me

[@mimkyodar]

Also, Daisys first episode, she clearly offers up stuff she doesn't want to, after he directly asks her.

[@coldandghostly]

Martin's awkward talk with the lady made me more uncomfortable than anything else so far, it was painful.

[@rob4ctwo]

bro no wonder elias didnt want to hand jon over to the cops. when he does statements and the eye (i GUESS) gives him the compelling people to overshare powers they go so much smoother. imagine having the powers to know things and just hearing the questions going back and forth in the archive all day, i'd go insane.

[@rob4ctwo]

"at that point i left" DSGDJGSJDGSHGDJGSHDGSHD IM LOSING IT

[@rob4ctwo]

the spider dude oh my godddddddddddddddddd

[@rob4ctwo]

PETER LUKAS??????? "good luck brian" bro?? peter you cant just do thatdghsgdjgshjgdhh

[@nanahuatli2144]

The power isn't passive like Jon's, luckily, so he can only listen in when he's focusing.

[@rob4ctwo]

@@nanahuatli2144 yeah but i wrote this with assumption that he was feeding from statements like jon was

[@caseytaylor4896]

Someone described being under Jon’s compulsion as like “pulling teeth” but the first statement with Martin gave me that same effect

[@martinag5479]

I'm only a few minutes in, but I can feel all the effort Martin is putting to try and ask questions as John does

[@trucetruce335]

I feel like this is not only to highlight Jon’s powers/necessity but also as a big “WE KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING” to the people complain about the statements being unrealistic and “people don’t talk like that” etc. bet they were waiting to do this episode for so long, lol.

[@moonstruckstarlet6607]

This episode is the best bit of acting and character interaction so far

[@jadthemad7871]

Lynne and Robin are both clearly avatars of The Ignorance.

[@elmfwa]

Nah, they're avatars of The Chad.

[@Misty_Grey744]

Don’t forget Joshua from episode 2! Bro had an evil coffin in his house and just went “nah”

[@bridgetb.7965]

i love that while the others are just at various level frustration with the statement givers here, melanie actually has the right idea as to why the statements aren't coherent. she's given a couple of statements to jon before, but she also tried to give one to martin in episode 84. when she did, she stumbled over her sentences, interrupted her story to go back and explain something further, and just gave up and asked martin if she could talk to jon about it. she probably already suspected that jon's powers had a clarifying narrative effect, but this was a firm confirmation.

[@frogonthebikeheh]

Everybody: archivists can't organize When Jon's gone: *terrified screaming intensifies*

[@acidvolcano]

Martin is so patient.

[@ilovebooks49]

this was the funniest thing ive heard in a while skksndkshak i was almost crying. i feel like the actors of the statement givers were having a great time with it all + there were some great deliveries this episode!!

[@nanahuatli2144]

So much talent for one-time appearances! Rusty Quill has either a lot of contacts or a knack for finding talent.

[@parisb8084]

Nanahuatli all of the statement givers work at/used to work at Rusty Quill! The lady that saw the ghost is Lowri Ann Davis who produces basically every episode; the guy that thought it was a government conspiracy was James Ross who played Bertie on Rusty Quill Gaming; the guy who left the spiral was Martyn Pratt who is the technical director; the spider guy is Bryn Monroe who plays Hamid on Rusty Quill Gaming!

[@RevalisPyross]

As someone who lives in Looe, I'm glad that the story they decided to set here was the guy who just decided to leave his possibly supernatural event because he didn't want to be late for tea. And God that woman who Martin was interviewing was just being obnoxiously difficult, even more so since she thought she was getting paid. She didn't deserve the change Martin gave her.

[@tonio1377]

That ep was so frustrating IT KILLED ME. the girl with Martin? If she had been in front of me I'd have send her away in no time. The spider dude? Clearly the lad has a phobia and needs help, give him a cookie and a therapist's adress. I think 60% of the Archivist's assistants' job is to deal with people like that 😂

[@ShioriandAi]

THE GOVERNMENT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

[@flying_pig_girl]

This episode is so difficult to listen to but I feel like this is deadass the most realistic shit I've ever seen

[@EVERYWHEREinc]

This episode killed me. Everything you guys do, you do beautifully!

[@Johnwicklover1994]

Oh my god the first girl’s statement was low-key frustrating. I was able to explain the event that made me enjoy the supernatural and paranormal stuff when I was in 2nd grade in more detail back then than that lady could. So frustrating.

[@darlingrosiebun8952]

Ikr 😭 she was giving him nothing to work with

[@williamlosing1t]

She was the worst

[@AlessaParker]

she really expected to get paid from "I saw a ghost. end." 😂