THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

MAG150 - Case #0140911 - Herman Gorgoli
Statement regarding a period trapped alone in a suburban area of Cheadle.
The Magnus Archives hears the tale of how a bad break-up and subsequent return of property led to loss of time driving around identical-looking streets of suburbia.
Content Notes: Isolation, self-harm, human remains
Starring: The Archivist - Jonathan Sims; Melanie King - Lydia Nicholas
Writer: Jonathan Sims
Director: Alexander J Newall
Producer: Lowri Ann Davies
Editors: Alexander J Newall, David Devereux, Brock Winstead
MERCH:
Crowdmade: crowdmade.com/collections/rus...
Teepublic: www.teepublic.com/stores/rust...
Redbubble: www.redbubble.com/people/Rust...

[@zhxabi4920]

the street signs that say "road" and "street" are horrifying and incredibly funny out of context at the same time

[@seanthebluesheep]

As someone who used to live on an "Avenue Road" this is just a throwback tbh.

[@fruitygarlic3601]

University College students: 😢

[@wayward_epsilon]

I have frequently traveled down a “Road Street” and a “Parkway Boulevard” lol

[@_Gheenell_]

When ever he mentioned a "road" or "street" I would just laugh, which is to say I laughed for a solid 20 seconds.

[@cupcaketv5673]

That reminds me of those random ass but hilarious memes/shitposts that just feature a blurry/shaky image of let's say a rock and then in bold font it just states "ROCK"

[@chiarag2756]

I love how Jon asks "...could...you describe your therapist to me?" so carefully, because he doesn't want to force the information out of Melanie. He's really trying.

[@frogonthebikeheh]

Yess, he has to be protected at all cost

[@paigefuentes1055]

"The Lonely is the most insidious of the powers, I believe. It doesn't even need to tell you any lies. It just waits for the lies you tell yourself." ooh this hit deep :((

[@Vi_Vi_1]

Yeah that line hits hard

[@Catglittercrafts]

I wish it would let Martin go

[@lel1160]

i genuinely teared up a little bit when i heard it D:

[@emppu1012]

Low self-esteem and anxiety check~

[@0nullnil]

😢

[@AnanasVert]

The girls having brunch with helen: "and then he said IM HAVING A STATEMENT ugh can you believe this man, utterly unredeemable" Helen: last night i ate a man after toying with him for 30 years :3 The girls: lmao you do you darling we love you bestie 🥰💋💅

[@frogonthebikeheh]

Frrr

[@kaleidawscope]

ngl that's so valid tho i love helen and i support both women's rights and women's wrongs 👍 (john definitely deserves better though i hate how they treat him)

[@Suthek]

It's interesting how he now said "I was having a statement." instead of "reading a statement". Shows how it's become like food to him.

[@nanahuatli2144]

He's no longer doing it for his job; he's using them for nutrition to avoid eating humans. My poor monster boy. He's trying. It kinda reminds me of the Twilight vampires who ate animal blood to instead of human, despite it tasting terrible to them.

[@table2.0]

@@nanahuatli2144Jon needs a live statement soon tbh, the diminishing returns on the old, stale statements must be stressful for him..

[@bluewolf619125]

Lowkey thought it was just a joke.

[@coinlockerbaby578]

This is like the opposite of the homophobic vase. Relationship counselling infinite cul-de-sac.

[@royalknightsleipmon2345]

The fact it's labelled as "The homophobic vase" is still so funny to me

[@table2.0]

@@royalknightsleipmon2345it literally deleted half a gay marriage certificate, that’s so homophobic of it tbh XD

[@SkyP9812]

Cul-de-sac supports gay rights AND gay wrongs

[@whentheskittlesfightback]

you know some of the comments on these can be taken out of context and seem very weird

[@islaridland]

Jon saying "I was just having a statement" makes me think of him just sitting in his office with and knife and fork with a statement on a plate

[@f_mva]

munch munch

[@jacthing1]

Would definitely need a cup of tea too. Paper is quite dry after all...and bland

[@andyshade1747]

And a recorder on the side

[@cupcaketv5673]

That could be an album cover

[@phosismyb1tch717]

And he's wearing those cloths that were used way back by rich people so that they don't get their clothes dirty with food

[@loading7496]

People getting mad at Jon for accidentally using his power in a fairly harmless way thanks I hate it

[@bladenot-runner1795]

It's gotta be hard to know what *you* know and what you *know,* you know?

[@spiraling8388]

@@bladenot-runner1795 yeah, you know?

[@NerveUnderscore]

I know, you know?

[@-Nari-]

You know, I don't think you know but I know. I know I know

[@haveaniceday9995]

Indeed you know I know but I don't know you know I know but you know?

[@krystalvalentine4164]

(10:00 - 10:05) My brain immediately went back to episode 100 at this moment 😂 Robin - "So, at that point, I left." Basira - ".... I'm sorry?" Robin - "Yeah, I would've been late to dinner, so...." Basira - So you left?" Robin - "So I got out of the spiral, & went to dinner." Basira - "......" Robin - "......"

[@frogonthebikeheh]

Frrrr, the one with the dog

[@freamoonlight9395]

"I probanly would've stayed away forever, if it hadn't been for the moose." I was so dumbfounded!! I legit went "m-MOOSE??!" out loud

[@domenicaaugusta7733]

Same here hahaha

[@midnights2631]

Same, I wad like 'Moose?'

[@RoxieJoy19]

😂 I was like "Wait moose? Sam winchester moose?"

[@TheProtoChimp]

I really hoped it was an evil moose.

[@a_jae_doe]

​Iiterally same😂its been 5 years since I watched an ep and I still immediately went to spn

[@DaybreakTownGSA]

Again, loving the evolution of the door gag Also "She thinks I work for the Tories" "Oh god..." Truly the worst possible fate we've seen in this show

[@table2.0]

The Tories are worse than half the Fears honestly. I know, I’m British

[@epiphanierosenstern5635]

THE LONELY ACCIDENTALLY MAKE TWO PERSON BACK TOGETHER AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FIND THIS HILARIOUS?

[@cantaloupegodling352]

The Lonely supports Gay People. So real of them, the opposite of the Homophobic Vase.

[@marinao4412]

"I tried to reply to explain but all I could manage to say to get through the shaking sobs was 'I love you'" :')

[@DerMoerpler]

Another proof of love being able to act as an anchor for people in The Lonely, just like that woman in Face in the Crowd, who remembered her mother. I wonder if that's how Jon gets Martin out of the Lonely's grasp.

[@beltaya276]

my heart :( now im thinking of martin and jon

[@germanerd6148]

@@DerMoerpler And maybe Martin can save Jon afterwards from becoming a monster

[@madiw2097]

@@DerMoerpler hey so have u got any thoughts on this since you left your last comment

[@maximusthedude8305]

@@DerMoerpler Also, it was a vision of Evan Lucas that helped his fiancée to escape the field of graves. It seems that love is definitely the constant which allows people to escape the Lonely. In a way, it's kind of sweet. Better than Fears like the Corruption which prey on feelings of love, then fill you up with maggots. Honestly that connection is well established too. The guy who got sexually transmitted worms (gross), the bartender who fell in love with a bug, and a few episodes ago there was one of the strangers john pulled a statement from: "A man rejected by all who knew him. Searching ever darker places for love. When he told me his story he started weeping maggots." It's odd, the Corruption preys on people who are lonely as well, but rather than being defeated by love it manipulates the desire for it and, well, corrupts it. Turns it evil. Even stranger, I'm not sure I remember a statement about the Lonely where the victim had been alone all their life, yet many corruption statements begin that way. Maybe... you don't fear isolation when it's all you know? Maybe you fear loneliness once you've had connection, and then lost it. A recent divorce, your fiancée passing, or just suddenly being plucked into an empty world. And when you've never known love, it's so much easier to corrupt your idea of it.

[@MochiPuff58]

When Melanie was talking about being stuck in a systematic terror machine, a cog in the machine, and wanting at the very least to not be “turning”, I thought about how much the show has anti-capitalist message in its framing of the fears.

[@SomeAHole]

Honestly the way I think *The extinction* could be stopped is with communism

[@jacthing1]

@@SomeAHole how?

[@nanahuatli2144]

I'm not sure if the existential fear of losing your humanity to become nothing but a money-making tool for others aligns with the Stranger or what, but boy is it dreadful. It could even be an aspect of the Meat. Capitalism often makes me think of the slaughterhouse episode.

[@BeingLolaStar]

I mean, this whole time I've been enjoying how much Jon hates his job but is stuck there, grinding away, serving unknown powers for unknown reasons.

[@simonritter570]

Ah yes, we all know how amazingly things went for the Aral Sea

[@Companion92]

So love really is the consistent way to get out of the Lonely. Also Melanie is so consequent. i respect that.

[@micah2879]

I love it so much!!

[@matthewhaggar]

Hmm, maybe once he finishes doing whatever it is that he needs to do, Jon is Martins ticket out of whatever bullshit Peter dragged him into? Also I just kinda want them to get together, and do the character development and emotional growth

[@nanahuatli2144]

I love the part where he points out the lies you tell yourself to disconnect yourself from others, like not wanting to be a burden, turn you into possible victims of the Lonely.

[@Rin-qj7zt]

I just want someone to come along that isn't bothered by Jon's powers. And won't blame him for everything. Gah.

[@yocnaocnath1847]

Same

[@seanthebluesheep]

Nobody wants Elias

[@achnav3762]

Do you mean you want Martin back? yeah, me too.

[@mechengr1731]

Maybe a support group with Oliver and Daisy?

[@eloci7903]

Well there's Helen, occasionally

[@loading7496]

"I'm trying my best." "Sure." Melanie ⟩:( Also. "I have to trust he knows what he's doing" Mmmmm character development yum.

[@mello-by]

Why does your > look like that

[@dyld921]

There was a reason this man drove back to the suburbs to deliver the moose instead of sending it back in the post. He wanted to see his ex again. He was thinking of him in his moment of despair. That ultimately saved him.

[@Matheus-ql7mn]

Yes! I didn't really think of it at the moment, but it's right. The same way the traveling woman at the first episodes was saved by thinking at her mom when she got lost in the weird city. Love this little details.

[@waxingmoon2726]

no wait i wanna hear about daisy ggetting drunk hold on

[@elliottgaylord6212]

I know that the Magnus Archives has been LGBT-friendly since the beginning but it still makes me so happy every time I hear that a character just happens to be LGBT :') it's the little things that count. I've also been wondering if they would mention quarantine in more recent episodes, so it's cool to get that answer

[@biancamlf288]

s5 was written before the plague even started, so any real world ties to the whole thing are just coincidence, especially considering that this is still s4.

[@dimsunstuff]

At this point i just really want Jon to snap. Hes being way too nice to people who make no effort to try and understand his situation.

[@NicholasJovian]

See, now *that* is a Lonely situation.

[@nrpbrown]

I swear if Jon doesn't literally eat a statement at some point in the series I'm going to be a little disappointed.

[@reachingzenith7772]

"Statement begins..." *tears off a piece of the paper and starts chewing on it*

[@yourlocaltheatrekid900]

@@reachingzenith7772 I love how all these episodes are all spooky and shiver inducing, and then this is the comment section 😭 I love it here

[@selenkocali7025]

did jon really say "I was HAVING a statement" instead of reading or recording?!? alright then....

[@matthewhaggar]

Well, I guess in a way he DOES feed off of reading them... he called the ones already in the archive stale. I find that concerning. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but whatever it is it’s fueling my love for characters that are more or less Eldrich beings, so I ain’t complaining!

[@selenkocali7025]

@@matthewhaggar yeah I am concerned for them but it's because I love them. It suprised me to hear it said so casually and how jon himself started to see statements as "meals".

[@matthewhaggar]

Selen Kocali Y E P

[@bee8975]

nom nom :'(

[@f_mva]

same energy as "im going to go eat something" *click* "statement of..."

[@oftheangels777]

Ah yes, humanity’s greatest fear, suburbia. Edit: I know the idea of “almost words” and not really understanding people talking from the tv channels is meant to be unnerving but as someone with ADHD that’s my whole existence

[@pianoguy222]

You know how even if you can't really understand a language, you can still sometimes pick out what language it is? I imagine it sounds a lot like that. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jKWXdZmXacuCe7s

[@faxonii]

also an apd mood lmao

[@nemnyoom]

this guy just got stuck in the sims for a little while

[@madiw2097]

SHIT ME TOO I’D BE LIKE “damn i guess im putting on the subtitles again”

[@macabrecitrus2127]

@@nemnyoom Jonathan *Sims* 👀

[@rosemarycat5]

The statement was really attacking Jon personally at the start there with the bad decisions

[@f_mva]

the eye is not being very subtle is it? "jon read this statement. see this? this is you making bad decisions."

[@table2.0]

@@f_mvathe eye be like “hey, you, go say ‘I love you’ to Martin. Do it. Idiot.”

[@geordiekennedy2197]

My dude wandered into the Sims

[@MT3A]

Pun intended 😂

[@waxingmoon2726]

"at least none of us are suffering alone" DD: no! martin isnt ok! D:

[@neither_emonor_punk9355]

well Melanie sure doesn't want to be another cog in the murder mashine . . . . . . . . . . . . . and they say all tenagers scare the living sh*t out of me

[@achnav3762]

The Lonely really get me. Because it's not only being alone. It also means having no responsibility whatsoever. Nothing to do besides caring for your own needs. Who didn't wish, at least once, for the world around you to stop. Just for a few minutes or a couple of days. Nothing to do and no one to see so you can finally rest.

[@GarethOfByzantium]

Yeah.

[@christopherfloody5555]

I feel like Mel is being a bit stupid. Like, stop working, stop feeding the eye, sure. But "we saved the world, but how many people did it cost?" One. It cost one. Tim. He died destorying those who had killed his brother, and saved the world. Would it be better if he hadn't died? Yes, but the world would have been destroyed if he hadn't. Sometimes the characters here are irrational, and thats ok, but its frustrating when other characters dont point it out or acknowledge it in any way. Still loved the episode though

[@poenpotzu2865]

Yeah trauma doesn't really help with rational and logical thinking. That's basically me with every severe anxiety attack, making stupid decisions and judgements due to high intense stress and fear.

[@Badficwriter]

Ugh. Thank you. Seeing comments praising Melanie for taking control of her choices or something is just.. She's acting like she lives in a safe world. She's literally seen monsters. She knows they're preying on people. But she's so desperate to escape that she's pretending the monsters might all be some trick by her magic boss. This doesn't feel like positive action. It feels like she's making excuses to regress into a depressive state where she doesn't take any action whatsoever. Not even her ghost research. (And yeah, maybe if she admitted that her choice to chase ghosts is what led her to this path, that would be something.) I feel like there are pacifists who think these sorts of ideas. "An action must be bad if it cost lives." I'm not a pacifist, I know people worked in agony and died for every good thing humanity enjoys. So this sort of argument seems like utter nonsense. But pacifists have magical thinking. If you just don't fight, people will magically feel for you and disapprove enough to make the bad things stop. That can work in a world that relies on public approval. The world of monsters doesn't.

[@TheJuliana0901]

really love that (human?) connection is what gets you away from the lonely. really simple but GREAT

[@riotb4719]

my goodness! the specification of 'human' here is interesting. i wonder if the love for a family pet would work the same way? i wanna hear a statement of someone escaping the lonely to feed their dog

[@macabrecitrus2127]

This one reminded me of the fear of never escaping the cishet lifestyle... Pretending to be something you are not. Cis passing, straight relationship, getting married, getting a bland ugly house, having kids, then divorce idk... I mean I know I'm not gonna do it, I can't, but the pressure to conform to expectations is still there. Being disabled and unable to study or work "the normal way" add to those feelings too. So yeah, being queer and disabled can really get _lonely_ . Anyway, I liked that there's a bit of hope with the couple at the end, that was quite sweet actually

[@gabbieb305]

"She thinks I'm working for the tories" LMAO

[@azulBjort_1406]

Truly a worse fate then death😅

[@lordbaphie]

This is one weird manifestation of The Lonely, purely because of the confusion and "copying reality part". At first I thought it was The Spiral. Maybe even Stranger. If it was just the "every house is a copy and it goes forever" thing, then yeah, it's The Lonely. But the TV part and the woman upstairs with a mirror made me doubt a bit. I checked the wiki but it listed that there's no other entity at work??? I dunno, The Lonely just have that specific feel for me and when those parts came up I was confused. It's still great, I just can't categorize it.

[@tomisabum]

I'm a fan of Evil Venn Diagram overlap takes. But I'm a fan of evil graphs in general.

[@mimkyodar]

I keep going back to Gerry's words, they're more like colours. This is a very Spirally Lonely, but its still Lonely. Trying to pin them down into neat little compartments just... its not like that. It's blurry and messy.

[@Vegan_Goose]

I think it's supposed to represent the lonleyness ties to the monotony of life, and how everything looks and sounds the same when you're depressed

[@Iquey]

@@Vegan_Goose yeah that reminds me of the suburban grey world of kamazotz in the wrinkle in time book.

[@matthewhaggar]

At first I thought it was the one that deals with heights, deep water, endless expanded of space, that sort of stuff simply because this person couldn’t find their way out and it went in forever, but I guess not

[@bugsinmybasil5206]

now that they’re reffering to jon reading statements as him basically eating i just literally imagine him shoving paper in his mouth and i dont want that to change

[@mello-by]

Me

[@RoseMultiverse]

Melanie is like fuck it, I’m slacking off! Good for her! Good for her!

[@nanahuatli2144]

I've always hated US suburbs with their identical houses and manicured lawns, and it looks like English ones are no better. If you're reading this, call your loved ones.

[@immapoisonyou5218]

"If you need me, I'll be trying to get Daisy drunk" I love Melanie

[@fluffsnake]

the couple in this episode has me so soft ;-; I know it's fictional but I still hope they work it out slkdjfksj

[@macabrecitrus2127]

Yeah ! You go guys, I hope you'll be ok !

[@trucetruce335]

This was a trip to listen to while lost looking for a friends house in a suburban neighborhood.

[@TheBlackSquirrel]

25:25 "She thinks I work for the Tories" *Me, singing to the tune of 'Everything's on the Up for the Tories'* My therapist thinks I work for the tories~ 🎵 I didn't tell her of the spooks and gories ~🎵 Or of The Eye that feeds on fears and storieees~🎵 Yeah, my therapist thinks I work for the torieees~🎵

[@ze_Candlestick]

omg i love this

[@dg674]

I think "Love is the enemy of fear" could be the central thesis of this series

[@bardoftherunekeepers6601]

Anyone catch “Ashtree Hill?” Sounds like Hilltop road, the place with the tree? And the house that got burned down? Kinda weird if it’s just a coincidence.

[@wolfordragondemon]

It sounds like ashtree lane, which is a reference to House in the Leaves maybe!

[@EVind-xz8km]

Was listening to this ep in wireless headphones and went into the kitchen to get a sandwich. At about 18:20 I turned around and saw my partner standing right behind me, smiling at me. Reader, I screamed. (I thought she was still at her computer! I didn't hear her come into the kitchen!)

[@jaderush4141]

I am just really happy the statement giver worked it out with their partner. That was. Very nice.

[@mistykat3137]

the change from reading a statement to having a statement

[@Iquey]

6:41 "watch midsommer murders" NOOO. That's what my mom sometimes watches to fall asleep.

[@bubberart]

THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST TMA EPISODE TO DATE MAN

[@johnpears9558]

@bubberart what how I mean it’s a good episode but not the best.

[@bubberart]

@@johnpears9558 (it's a personal opinion so we can agree to disagree) but for me it's most memorable, i listened to it multiple times and didn't get tired of it and it Terrifies me to my core

[@tomisabum]

Yeah, this one dropped at a good (bad?) time. That, and the themes just resonate with a lot of people I think. I'm also just a sucker for impossible/terrifyingly right-but-not spaces; Check out the indie game 'Anatomy' by Kitty Horror Show for similar vibes, lotta lets players have run through it.

[@beltaya276]

BRO IKR ITS VISCERAL FCJk

[@Jazzisa311]

My favorite one is binary, but that's probably because I've got a weak spot for creepypasta's

[@notlurking2128]

The feeling of being stuck in suburbia has a very real feeling to it, even if it isn't literal. And also "just having a statement" lol

[@seanthebluesheep]

The man talking nonsense trying to sell a brick to no-one is such a mood for some reason?

[@FlyingWolfWings]

Local man gets stuck in a Sims game

[@schmohobzsia7216]

Suburban houses that all look alike, deserted streets that lead nowhere and people speaking gibberish on TV.... Clearly our man got sucked into a Sims 2 neighborhood!

[@f_mva]

the post-statement comments about the lonely... increasingly worried for martin!! especially given that he seems to already have freaky lonely powers!!

[@anerrantecho]

OOOOO HELL YEAH COSMIC TIMING GOT ME HERE 35 SECONDS AFTER THE UPLOAD!

[@josephnarvaez9507]

Out of all the episodes, this is what I remember the most.

[@100lizards8]

same, this and binary

[@amphitritemists4595]

This one will be pretty forgettable for me but I love Grifter's Bone and Anatomy Lesson

[@azulBjort_1406]

I can't believe I actually missed this one on my first go 😅✌️

[@lavenderlaceration]

Litterally my neighborhood but ok

[@paigefuentes1055]

Also, OMG MELANIE'S THERAPIST SOUNDS LIKE NIKOLAI 👀

[@Nizati]

oh god.....

[@paigefuentes1055]

@@Nizati hahahahah it's all good, they actually just didn't have anymore actors so they just reused her HAHAHAH

[@thistleywistley681]

Paige Fuentes :0!!! 👁👁

[@amphitritemists4595]

Its weird how she dodged the question though. We still dont know what the therapist looks like which makes me more suspicious reminds me of the Anatomy Lesson where those kids looked normal but you couldnt picture how they look like if you tried🤔

[@mimkyodar]

@@amphitritemists4595 You;re over-reading. It's legitimately not a clue.

[@lesliepauline]

I just discovered TMA and have been bingeing it while knitting. "Street" and "Road" cracked me up. I live in Philadelphia, home of Street Road. Also Jon and Martin make me feel very sad. This is a beautifully written audio novel.

[@cylyte2436]

Ever since we got the 14(+1?) fears reveal every episode became a fun guessing game of which-Fear-is-it?

[@CTShun]

Spoilers for this episode I cant be the only one to think of Unedited Footage of A Bear or Vivarium at the description of this suburbia. Kept expecting the guy to turn a corner and see a distorted version of himself or find out the houses were full of nightmare people. Thought this had to be the Stranger. Then it turned out to be the Lonely and was such a wonderfully dreadful place which made sense but I somehow didn't see it coming till it was spelled out to me 😂

[@Iquey]

Does anyone else think of the carved moose as the horrible moose in that one episode of Invader Zim that's just menacingly chewing walnuts at the end of the space wormhole or is that just me.

[@TheNitpickChick]

A roooom with a MOOOOOOOSE!!!!! (one of my favorite Zim episodes lol 😁)

[@Falcon-doing-doodles]

Ah yes, the 16th fear. Mini moose

[@ellendavis9272]

Oh God this is awful. Reminds me of the time my dad and I walked through one of those newer neighborhoods, it didn't have trees and all the houses look the same.it was definitely normal, people walking around ect, but ugh I was so happy to get back to my older street and all it trees

[@St0nek]

Wow. Just as Melanie said "that's it" my headphones barteru died. Perfect timing

[@pyrosianheir]

Melanie - "This place is evil!" Me - She's right, y'know.

[@shyannevasquez5257]

Honestly, this is one of my favorite episodes! As somebody with a existential fear of suburbia and dying in a cookie-cutter house alone… This hit very close to home for me. I also loved the ending conversation with Melanie and John! I love the way that the different fears can manifest! It’s fascinating to explore the different concepts behind it all.

[@jodic4823]

The story is so much like the beginning of the movie Vivarium, only this story had a better ending

[@troutfeather]

I thought of vivarium throughout the whole episode. Especially when she tried going through the gardens by foot

[@christopherfloody5555]

@@troutfeather pretty sure the character is a he

[@Primus011]

Vivarium but if it was interesting at all lol

[@nateds7326]

This one of the scarier statements to me because it feels like an actual nightmare someone can have.

[@emppu1012]

I want to say that isolation is one of my greatest fears. But honestly? It's not being alone that gets to me. It's boredom. Lack of distractions. Being left with just my own head and thoughts inside it. The mind can be a truly horrifying place. I imagine that is the true fear of isolation for many. Not the lack of people, but the too big of an awareness of yourself

[@Sxcheschka]

And yet introspection is how one grows as a person.

[@petraivan6778]

[CLICK] ARCHIVIST Statement of Herman Gorgoli, regarding his period trapped alone in a suburban area of Cheadle. Original statement written 9th November, 2014. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist. Statement begins. ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) Life is hard. I don’t wanna bum you out or anything but yeah. You’re all alone trying to connect with people, trying to find your place in the world, but in the end the only person you really know is yourself. And even then, not all that well. It’s plenty of things I’ve done I couldn’t explain to you. I mean, I’m constantly constantly looking back at my past self and thinking, what an idiot. How the hell could he have done such an obviously stupid thing? How was I surprised it went so badly? What a relief I’m now so much older and wiser. Except that last part never really turns out to be true, does it? The line of when you were your dumb, younger self seems to keep moving forward with you, until each more mature and reasonable version of you eventually falls foul of it and becomes a young idiot. And when you add in another person you reach a whole other level. You can love them, marry them, dedicate your life to them, that’s not the same as actually understanding them. I was with Alberto for 15 years, and I tell you what, I could always anticipate him. He always used to get annoyed at how predictable I found his mood sometimes, but damned if I ever really knew why. Of course, it doesn’t help that when you’re that close to someone, everything starts to reflect on each other. One bad mood feeds into another and stress just bounces back and forth between you. You can get real bad if you’re not careful, and we weren’t careful. The thing is, when we both found ourselves in positions to be working from home, we actually thought it was going to be really good for our relationship. The two of us spending all our time together, we reckoned it was going to be real romantic. We were real stupid back then, and when Alberto’s parents offer to sell us their second home in Cheadle, we thought it was a great investment. Nice and quiet, good neighborhood, just a real nice home for the two of us, and so much bigger than anything we could afford in the city. And - before you think Cheadle, the suburb of Manchester, that’s not the one I’m talking about. I’m talking about Cheadle, the suburb of Stoke-on-Trent. Hell, technically it’s not even a suburb, it’s just a village that looks so much like a suburb that you could pull it up and drop it on the edge of any dull town in England, and it would look the same. Just street after street of identical, blandly pleasant houses, all winding around each other in dead ends and cul-de-sacs and one-way systems, making sure every house has plenty of inoffensive garden. I’ve never seen people happily living in a place so obviously dead. Two years we lived there. Two years imprisoned in that beige, comfortable house with the man I loved, watching our relationship turn to sniping and snapping and bitter passive aggression. I’d say that cheating on him was a foolish act of past me, but honestly it’s one of the few decisions I’ve ever made that I completely understand. I didn’t even try to hide it, not really. When he found out and it all ended, I kind of hated myself for just how relieved I was that I’d finally be able to leave that place. To get in my car and drive away from that gentle suburban nightmare. I mean, I’d lived there for two years and I still got lost trying to leave. I thought that was the worst that place would ever make me feel. I wish I’d been right. I got a cheap apartment in Liverpool and tried to tell myself I was happier the single life, footloose and sitting at home, binging bad TV. I tried to get back into the club scene, but honestly I think I’m just too old now. The music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive, and the sort of thing I used to take to, dancing all night now, hit me with a down so hard that I had to write off almost the entire week. It didn’t help that over the course of a 10-year relationship, my friends had become our friends, and there weren’t any of them siding with me in this situation. Some would drop platitudes about maybe reconnecting after the fallout was done with, but I know when I’m being handled by people who don’t want to create any more drama. It was miserable, but every time I thought about going back, I felt nauseous the idea of returning to those eggshell walls that we never got around to repainting, and the living room that expected me to sit there and watch Midsomer Murders until I passed away peacefully in my sleep. It made me want to throw up. I’d probably have stayed away forever if it hadn’t been for the moose. There was a carved wooden moose you see, something Alberto’s grandfather had carved, apparently, and a real family heirloom. It was an ugly old thing, with this weird angular face that always made my skin crawl a bit. I’d never let him display it in our house, so it had lived in one of the suitcases under the stairs. The suitcases I pulled out and filled in a tearful rage when I was leaving, so… yeah, I’d kind of accidentally stolen the moose. When he finally realized and texted me, demanding it back, I should probably just have sent it by post. But no, for some reason I decided I was going to drive all the way down there and give it back in person. Maybe I was hoping for a fight, or just to see him again, I don’t know. I was younger then. Foolish. It was late when I got to what I thought was his street, driving through the one-way signs and well-maintained gardens that bordered that snaking road. The sun had disappeared but the sky was still fairly light. That late summer twilight that seems to just drag on forever. There weren’t any other cars on the road and I was already getting frustrated. My sat-nav had decided to start sending me around in a circle and I was apparently no closer to finding our… Alberto’s house. The roads weren’t like I remembered them, or rather - they were exactly like I remembered them. Bland, interchangeable, and impossible to navigate. I must have driven around for almost a half hour before I finally decided that if the internet and GPS couldn’t help me, I’d have a proper look at the actual paper map that I kept in the boot. I spent a few minutes scanning the Cheadle area until I found the road I was looking for - Ash Tree Hill. Then I drove on it, I found a street sign at the next turning, hoping to compare it to what was on the map. And then I stopped, because the sign said, “Road”. No name, just Road. It wasn’t as though the actual name of the street had been defaced or removed, the sign was complete. It just didn’t say anything else. So I drove on until I found the next one. Street. I tried to compare it to the map. Maybe this place just had some really bland road names and somehow I’d never noticed in the two years I’d lived there, but no. The places on the map will have the names I remembered. Chapel Street, Meadow Drive, Station Road. Bland, sure, generic, but not literally placeholder. I pressed on, looking for more. Avenue. Close. Way. Lane. Only ever the suffix, never with a name attached. By this point I was starting to feel a little bit freaked out and I decided to just get out of there. I could come back later, when my sat-nav was working properly in proper daylight. The sky was getting darker by this point and I had to put my headlights on. I still hadn’t seen any other cars on the road, or as I thought more about it, people on the streets. But as you might imagine, getting out of there proved even more difficult than finding the house I was looking for. Every time I thought I’d found a main road that led out of this weird looping suburbia, a one-way sign seemed to spring up, directing me back into the sprawl. I did u-turn after u-turn as I was channeled into one dead-end cul-de-sac after another, until eventually I decided to simply disregard the one-way signs completely. I cruised past the one that seems to be blocking my most likely exit and almost breathed a sigh of relief as I found myself leaving the suburban maze I’d been trapped in. Until it led me to an entirely different maze of unremarkable residential neighborhoods. Even then, I still didn’t accept that I was trapped. It - it didn’t make any sense, and it wasn’t like I’d seen anything blatantly supernatural, it wasn’t that there was anything abnormal about the whole situation. It was just that the normal seemed to go on forever. At some point I got out of the car and start to hammer on random doors. I mean, I tried the doorbells at first, but they were silent, so I started knocking and knocking until my hand hurt. There was no answer at any of them. There were no lights on behind the drawn curtains, and all the house numbers were zero. I got back into my car and started driving again, going on and on until finally I ran out of petrol. It rolled to a sputtering stop at the end of one of the indistinguishable dead ends. It had been full dark for hours by this point and my dashboard claimed it was 3:00 a.m. My phone had died about an hour ago, and once the last of the power went in the car I was left with no way to tell the time at all. I wished I hadn’t thrown away the wristwatch Alberto had given me, but it was too late for those regrets.

[@petraivan6778]

I stepped outside, looking down the street. There were no lights on in any of the houses, but the identical lampposts bathed the place a sickly orange as far as I could see. I decided that the roads must be the problem. They were what was keeping me trapped in this place, constantly turning and bending and confusing me. If I just picked a direction and kept to it, eventually I had to get to the edge of what by now I had decided was a newly built neighborhood that apparently no one had moved into yet. As an explanation it didn’t make any sense, but it didn’t need to, not at that moment. So I started walking, going around houses and through gardens, trying at all times to keep my direction straight and consistent. I may be too old for clubbing, but I still keep pretty active, so getting over the fences wasn’t much of a problem for me as I passed from identical road to identical garden over and over again. I don’t know how long I went on like this but it felt like hours. At the start, I was counting how many houses I passed but when I got to a hundred I stopped. It was beginning to eat away at my careful rationalizations and I couldn’t have that. Eventually, my legs started to go and I decided I needed some rest. I was about to sit on the street when a thought occurred. I marched up to a nearby front door, prepared to kick in the flimsy-looking wood, but trying the handle revealed it was unlocked. I don’t know why I picked that house. It was exactly identical to all the others. I’ve often wondered if there was anything that drew me to it… perhaps I was just unlucky. Or perhaps there only ever was one house. The lights worked, which was a relief, and the inside looked exactly how I expected it to. And I mean exactly how I expected it to. From the blank IKEA furniture to the subtly patterned cream wallpaper; to the picture frames lining the wall, containing what were clearly stock photos, each of a different family pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss. I headed into the living room and sat down on one of the almost-comfortable armchairs. My body was aching, and my eyes were heavy, and I had the thought that maybe I should head up to the bedroom. In the back of my mind though I knew that was a trap. I had somehow become convinced that if I went to sleep here, then I would never leave. My hand drifted down and brushed the plastic remote control. Almost on instinct, I picked it up and turned the TV on. A cooking show. A woman I almost recognized fussing over a turkey. She was talking, or at least it sounded like she was, the cadence and the sounds were so much like English that it took me almost a full minute to realize that she wasn’t actually saying words. She never looked at the camera. There seemed to be something wrong with her eyes, though I couldn’t say what. Her hands moved over the pale skin of the turkey, poking it and prodding it as though preparing it, though she wasn’t actually doing anything to it. Eventually she gripped a part of it between finger and thumb, and tore off a long strip of dry looking meat, before tossing it over her shoulder and returning to her strange mimicry of cooking. I pressed the remote again, a shopping channel. The host was a tall, clean-shaven man with close-cropped hair. He was holding a brick and talking about it in that same flow of non-words that still had a familiar salesman’s patter. The screen scrolled the message, BUY NOW! But there was neither price nor compact details, as this man who wouldn’t look at the camera earnestly pretended to sell me a brick. It was almost hypnotic. I leaned back in the chair trying to think clearly about what was happening my eyes found themselves focusing on the ceiling, on a small spot of red that seemed to have seeped through from above. As I climbed those stairs I desperately tried to tell myself I didn’t know what was going to be up there. And to be fair I was surprised by some of the details. But as soon as I saw the spot, I just knew that someone else was up there and that they were dead. The only questions were how and who. I think I’d given up on why. I didn’t know them, as it turned out. A young woman, conservatively dressed. Her face was bloody but I was sure I didn’t recognize her. She had a bag with her, and her ID read “Yotunde Uthman”, not a name I’d ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place. It looked as though she had forced her head through the mirror on the dressing-table. The shards cutting her face and neck to ribbons, a particularly large piece piercing her jugular, spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below. I don’t think she’d been dead that long. I’m not a doctor and I didn’t really try to check. Instead I turned and ran, all my tiredness gone in a sudden rush of adrenaline, down the stairs out the door and into the night and the rows upon rows of bland empty houses. And then all at once I wasn’t running anymore. I was lying on the ground, collapsed, the tarmac rough and cool against my cheek wet from my tears. I was going to die. I knew that now, just as she had, just as anyone else who came here had. How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid facade of this endless false suburbia? And that was when I heard it. It was quiet. My mind took a few moments to accept it could be real, but sure enough there it was - the sound of my phone’s ringtone. I looked up, and not three doors down was my car, the door still open where I had left it. I stumbled over my legs, still weak, and grabbed the handset which should have been long out of battery, and I stared at the glowing screen. It was Alberto. He was calling me. I don’t know how, but the tears came even faster now as I answered, sobbing with relief to hear him yelling at me for taking so long. Had I forgotten? Was I even planning to bother? I tried to reply to explain but all I could manage to say to get through the shaking sobs was, “I love you.” He went very quiet and then he hung up. It didn’t matter though because when I looked around. The windows of the houses were lit and a woman was coming down from her front door to ask if I needed help with my car. We’re working on it, the two of us. We’re not exactly back together yet, but I think it’s going well. He’s reluctant to sell the house but I’ve made it quite clear that I’m never going back to the suburbs, even if I can’t really tell him why. I checked to see if I could find anything about Yotunde Uthman, and I did find a few old social media profiles, but I wasn’t able to get through to any family or friends. As far as I can tell she disappeared a year ago and nobody noticed. ARCHIVIST Statement ends. The Lonely is possibly the most insidious of the powers, I believe. Certainly it is the one that most delights and having you do its work for it, even the spiders seem to have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. (hmph) Time to yourself. Self-care. Putting yourself first. Not being a burden on those you care about it. Doesn’t even need to tell you any lies, just waits for the lies you tell yourself. We’re all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, it’s a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore, so we do spend a lot of time together. It’s not that easy though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defenses, sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re all in the same room. But it’s better than the alternative and at least none of us are suffering alone. Martin’s got it the worst of course, but it still seems to be his choice, and I have to trust that he knows what he’s doing. Still feeling weak. Restless. I want to be proactive but there hasn’t- (sigh) That hasn’t been going quite so well for us lately. Oh, uh - come in, Melanie.

[@petraivan6778]

[DOOR OPENS] MELANIE John, have you got a moment? ARCHIVIST Of course. I was just having a statement and - MELANIE Oh. An old one? ARCHIVIST Yes, an old one. I’m not - I’m doing my best. MELANIE Sure. ARCHIVIST What do you want? MELANIE Er, I just wanted to talk to you about… well, um… my career, I guess. My position in the archives. ARCHIVIST I see. MELANIE Look. (pause) I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST I am not sure I follow you. We can’t quit, we’ve all tried. MELANIE I didn’t say I was going to quit, I said I’m not going to do my job. No researching, no filing, no field trips, nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just… I can’t be a part of this anymore. If - if I get sick, I get sick, and - and if I die- ARCHIVIST Why? MELANIE Because this place is evil, John. And so doing this job - helping it out, even in small ways - is in some way evil too. Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and - and I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST What about the Unknowing? We saved the world. MELANIE Did we? I mean, I-I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We weren’t even a neutral party. We did it as agents of the Eye, because Elias told us to. ARCHIVIST And then you put him in jail. MELANIE Martin put him there. And he’s still doing harm. You ever think that maybe this whole ritual business is just an excuse, and that we’re all part of some huge, miserable fear machine? ARCHIVIST I’ve… considered the possibility. MELANIE Right, well. If I’m just another cog, maybe I can’t leave the machine, but from this moment I’m not turning. I’m jammed. ARCHIVIST Did your… therapist suggest this? MELANIE Not - not exactly. She’s just helped me work through some things I’ve been thinking for a while. Uh, she doesn’t know the details, just that I’m in a bad contract situation working somewhere pretty awful. She thinks I work for the Tories. ARCHIVIST God. Melanie, could you - could you describe your therapist for me? MELANIE (laughing) What, you think I wouldn’t notice if she had cobwebs down her face? ARCHIVIST …no. MELANIE (long sigh) That’s it, isn’t it? Do you really think I’m so stupid I wouldn’t have noticed if my therapist was some kind of monster? ARCHIVIST I just - it was a worry. MELANIE Right, right. Okay. I know… that is why I ruined my first four sessions and almost torpedoed the chance at a genuinely really good therapist, because I was so paranoid that she was going to turn out to be some - some thing trying to manipulate me. But no, she’s not full of spiders, or made of wax, or wearing the therapist’s skin or whatever, she’s just a well-trained professional who I am paying to help me. ARCHIVIST Okay. (sigh) It’s just… the Web can be subtle, you understand? MELANIE And? For all you know its plan is to paralyze you with indecision. Leaving you sitting here, terrified that everything you do is somehow all part of its grand plan. And who do you think that fear is gonna feed? ARCHIVIST Yes, well. You are not the first to make that point. MELANIE Look, I… didn’t come here for a fight. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk. ARCHIVIST Good luck. It’s only ever happened once in 2006, she drank it - sorry. Didn’t mean to. MELANIE Sure. See you around. [CLICK]

[@henrylark4778]

I thought that was the spiral. An experience like that would make me question my sanity more than whether I still have friends.

[@agentschnoogie8114]

This is the best auditory description of A.I-generated art/video I’ve ever heard.

[@jamesprice9139]

M - "She thinks I'm working for the tories" J - "God!" 😂

[@HeyItsNovalee]

God, it’s been a while since one of the statements spooked me as much as this one did. I never did like suburbia. It seems like this guy was saved by accepting death too though hmm I kind of really miss the supplemental info we used to get about the statement givers and what happened to them tho. Really missing the og research squad 😭

[@lyxandrast0ttr0n1x8]

This one made me cry.

[@mistykat3137]

honestly the scariest ep,,, the lonely is the scariest power imo

[@mistydevillier2197]

My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We also work together, really together, hand in hand day in day out. It's only made us stronger. We know each other astronomically better than any other couple i know or have heard of. Mental and emotional intelligence plays a huge role also.

[@lilaboxx]

I know this is the lonely but I'm also getting stranger vibes from this

[@stirrcrazy2704]

See this is the first REALLY scary subject they’ve covered on this show. Single family zoning is the Cthulhu of urban planning

[@Piper_____]

Reminds me of playing Gary’s Mod, maps which try to evoke life but are empty. I loved exploring the infinite stretches to see if I could find anything unique in any of them, but they were always the same, always empty, always pretending. Depressing.

[@giuliam7737]

Oh yes the one true most feared phenomenon of humanity: gentrification

[@broblerone413]

the entire time i was listening to this Suburbia Overture by Will Wood was just constantly playing in my head

[@mrs.han_whitethorn]

Ooh tea I'm finally caught up with the KZbin portion of the podcast ~ time to go to their website

[@troutfeather]

Reminds me a ton of vivarium on netflix. The main characters, a couple, are stuck in a never ending suburb. I'll try not to spoil it but they also tried traversing the fences and gardens to find their way out. It's not a super scary movie but it fits almost perfectly with the archive

[@athibi9461]

My husband’s name is Alberto, we’re currently living in an apartment my parents gave us and we’ve both been working from home for the past year. Me, listening to this episode:👀 Happy to say our relationship is strong, but nice to know that Forsaken got our back if we ever need it.

[@CamilleChauTempsDesCerises]

Yup. Definitely. After a rewatch I can confirm: this is my favourite statement (plus the little note on how the Lonely works 👌)

[@joserenatomigliorini4627]

Is it just my impression is Jon surrounded by lesbians on all sides? The Magnus Archives, also known as Jon, Martin and the lesbians™

[@smokespekter]

I love all the casual queer representation in this podcast!!

[@L_Aster]

The TV always makes sounds that are like voices without words, idk what this episode's talking about

[@lemonwater1108]

This statements couple made me genuinely tear up, i hope they worked it out in the end even if they are two dysfunctional old bastards

[@catch5145]

This statement perfectly sums up what it's like living in Stoke-on-Trent, except where i lived it was endless terraces (i did my Ba and MSc there so i was there long enough)

[@jamesmortimer4016]

Hi Alex!

[@-S.L.]

Hi I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy seeing your cheerful greetings to Alex on every vid! :D

[@plutoandpolaris]

I remember a friend and I took a walk after their birthday party and we ended up in a suburban neighborhood a lot like this, and actually full on got lost. I remember we got to the end of a street and the road just…stopped. And past the neighborhood was just a vast, empty field of dead grass. It really did feel like we somehow wandered to the end of the world and that there was nothing past that point, like a video game that had stopped rendering. This might be one of the freakiest episodes so far, at least to me

[@hiihavebrainrot]

gotta love the shade thrown on the British government -- "she thinks I work for the Tories"

[@reaperassasin11]

I don't quite remember which episode this happened in, but a lot of the comments in this season remind me of that talk Tim and Martin had a while back (S2? S3?). There's the side that's like Martin (which is like the vast majority of comments) where everyone focuses on what Jon feels, how he's doing, how he's going through the worst more than everyone else, and then there's Tim's side where he think he's not obligated to make Jon (someone he's not even particularly close with) his priority when he has his own life/safety to care about and thinks Jon should pull it together and not hurt innocent people (which is far more difficult to do /now/ than in past seasons, admittedly). And the short scene where Martin is like "He's been under a lot of pressure, he's been messed up [since Prentiss]" and Tim's like "HOW MESSED UP /HE'S/ BEEN [when we've been messed up too]?!"..... IDK. It's interesting that a talk from way back is still a deep part of the show and the reactions

[@lorenzoabrick5188]

oops got trapped in a Sims house

[@trobertson3951]

i hate listening to people eat

[@alphalilly8207]

Boi I love the liminal space vibes lel.

[@laughingmask3118]

I love that this one single Statement had a happy ending. That was so fucking wholesome that it put a tiny speck of light at the end of the tunnel of this saga for me.

[@tobybo1010]

IVE FINALLY FOUND A STATEMENT THATS FROM MY BIRTHDAY !!

[@pennymcclimon1557]

if the eye consumes knowledge, him mentioning daisy sounded like a knowledge burp lmao

[@marcuslambroza7353]

I'm not sure, but this episode really gives me Welcome To Night Vale Vibes