the one thing newsies can't replace

this shitpost has been on my mind for months
so here you go
audio: John Mulaney "The One Thing You Can't Replace" from New In Town
stick till the end of the video

[@zoejw]

the best part is spot being the one that shits on the computer

[@marianara-sauce]

Zoe Wierson lets be honest we know he would

[@chocolateanders8572]

Zoe Wierson I started wheezing when Spot fuvking smirked on cue with "took a shit on his computer"

[@fiorearciuolo691]

“And everyone was drinking like it was the end of The World” BA DUM TSSSS

[@ktportalproductions7815]

I JUST REALIZED THAT OMG

[@heatherschmidke9061]

Or like Race, the end of the wiold

[@weresofansie1457]

It took me two months to get this joke, I watched this two months ago, saw this comment, and I didn’t get it, last night I was thinking about it and am finally understood, so I had to come back and say... holy cow you’re genius.

[@krlw]

LAUGHING AFTER 2 YEARS

[@alyssam4425]

I'm still here! And still love the fact that Davey is the dad

[@meganherbst4982]

Romeo: “...police.” WHACKS HIM OVER THE HEAD

[@marianara-sauce]

Megan Herbst HDHSHDBXB jack is Not Pleased

[@elmtree9951]

The image of Davey yelling "scatter!" Is what destroyed me. Thank you for this masterpiece

[@annakremras]

imagining davey smashing a bottle and screaming “SCATTER” is the funniest shit to me

[@marianara-sauce]

AnnaKR HONESTLY SAME

[@goldenstar8406]

also spot TAKING A SHIT on pulitzers computer

[@goodolmilo4970]

The two dislikes on this video are mr. and mrs. Macnamara

[@hannahsaito4510]

Why does this fit so perfectly 😂

[@sanh5430]

I don't know why this works but I'm glad it does.

[@marianara-sauce]

acromaddie FJDGHABCNS thank u,,, i am also glad it works tbh

[@kaytlinnicks833]

I would like to let you know this is a flawless piece of modern art

[@marianara-sauce]

Kaytlin Nicks HDHWBFJDBCBS PLS, THANK U,,,,

[@lj3353]

The audio starts and I know it’s going to be perfect

[@midnightmage5970]

Okay Jack stealing old antique photos is my new headcanon/favorite thing ever

[@KT-iq7hk]

i love how Race is the one to break the pool table

[@marianara-sauce]

his tap dance solo was too powerful

[@isabellanesheiwat8]

The way the moves lined up with the way John said “and everyone else joined in” SENT ME TO HEAVEN

[@lolyoudonthearthepeoplesin668]

“So I don’t drink anymore”... “So lets get drunk! Not with liquor” Literally every newsie:AWWWW

[@me-and-my-ramekins]

Keep in mind he was also in the refuge soooo 😂😂😂

[@girlonabookshelf4922]

1:06 this is too accurate for Race! 👏😂😂😂👏

[@elliotdain]

I’m just thinking about Crutchie yelling “Fuck da police!” Race jumping onto a pool table and breaking it, Spot shitting on Pulitzer’s typewriter, Davey smashing a 40 on the ground and yelling “SCATTER!” Jack stealing photos, and Kathrine freaking out about it afterwards. My life is complete.

[@mikaylal5028]

Why does this fit perfectly?

[@fabulouskelly3438]

I love John Mulaney and Newsies so this is great

[@sophiex363]

Me, a musical theatre nerd: hears “macnamara” Also me: HEATHERRRRRRRR

[@macaronweasley8100]

Yep Yep

[@sammyisnthere]

2:09 the fact that it's Les makes it so much funnier

[@kyliecrybaby4161]

LMAO YEAH

[@hannamaac2074]

This was... beautiful Simply a love letter to the twisted fansies out there truly magnificent

[@marianara-sauce]

Lucy Catcher im blessed, thank u sincerely, a fellow twisted fansie

[@wikaa1206]

if this isn't Newsies plot in a nutshell

[@lindsaypaquette3455]

I never thought my two favorite things could be combined, I never would have even imagined this. I love it

[@marianara-sauce]

Lindsay Packet aaaah thank you, this is such a nice comment!! john mulaney and newsies are also two of my favorite things tbh lol

[@landry6370]

Someone needs to write a fanfic with the newsies characters and this story. I would give anything to read something like this

[@nerdburger234]

“With the confidence of guys who have already BEEN to jail..” Me: *looks at Jack* Jack: I SERVED MY NICKLE YOU COME AND TAKE ME!!

[@the_ratking]

I thought it was Les

[@emilyrodriguez9819]

THIS IS A MASTERPIECE. JESUS IS CRYING. THIS IS AMAZING. 😂

[@marianara-sauce]

i cant believe my shitpost made jesus cry god bless

[@oliveintheroom1336]

Jesus is crying Weasel he’s dying

[@holybamboozler]

"SO LET'S GET DRUNK!" *"YEAH!"*

[@marianara-sauce]

that's it, that's the video

[@holybamboozler]

@@marianara-sauce just summed it all up XD

[@macaronweasley8100]

@Angelica Eliza AND PEGGY **Eliza voice* I'm not sorrryyyy

[@cascharles3838]

Spot no

[@marianara-sauce]

cas charles spot yes

[@vampcsers]

rainbowblue13 spot maybe

[@Dissociated_dolly]

Spot. N o

[@lykoi2711]

spot definitely

[@ktportalproductions7815]

The best part is I know all the words to this

[@nicolelynn6240]

Does this mean Crutchie got his limp running from the police?

[@eleanorellis2371]

This is a work of art

[@ktportalproductions7815]

Love that Crutchie is John Mullaney

[@vampcsers]

we all know race would be the one to do a run and jump on the pool table

[@lexi-fs7ih]

I was cry laughing to this

[@marianara-sauce]

lexi hdhwhdbcbdbc thank y o u

[@lexi-fs7ih]

rainbowblue13 what comedian was that? Bo Burnham?

[@marianara-sauce]

lexi it's actually john mulaney! it's from his special New In Town and one of my favorite bits of his

[@silverstarlightproductions1292]

I never knew I needed this! Crutchie yelling "F*** da police!" Is the best thing ever!

[@blaufufyv1823]

I am supposed to be getting ready for school, right now, but I don't care! Best thing EVER...

[@marianara-sauce]

aaaah thank you :D also i hope u got ready for school on time!

[@blaufufyv1823]

rainbowblue13 lol thank u i did;) please we need more of these Haha! But really, u r a genius, this is amazing

[@elizatherainwing868]

This is the most I have ever seen of the Newsies Broadway musical!!!!!! IM FREAKING OUT MAN IM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

[@kaiyapelkey9948]

It's on Disney+!! So if you or a friend have it you could watch the whole thing! It's amazing, I love it!

[@goldenstar8406]

if you don’t have disney+ you can buy or rent it on itunes too

[@suahabose4100]

newsies and john mulaney my TWO FAVOURITE THINGS

[@marianara-sauce]

BIG MOOD TBH

[@lisaslife4807]

I love how race is the one to dive onto the pool table and snap it in two

[@rubbernoseswampdonkey6218]

I laughed so hard at this i was wheezing for a good 10 minutes

[@marianara-sauce]

rubbernoseswampdonkey THANK U I DEDICATED A LOT TO THIS SHITPOST TBH

[@Friskytheambassadorfrisk]

J A C K 😂😂😂

[@madisonbridgett6971]

This is the best thing to ever happen to me. Thank you. You are an artist.

[@misssaramariya]

“Did I do that?” I fucking LOST it

[@nerdthatyoulove298]

This is actually the best thing I've ever seen.

[@ella9163]

this is a ruthless combination of the two things i love most in the world. stunning

[@nicolassanslopez3370]

"John McNamara..." Me, a Starkid fan: I KNOW HIM

[@randomweirdo7038]

I kept laughing so hard because after romeo says police Jack fricking SMACKS him.

[@ziplocbaggy]

why does this work so well

[@marianara-sauce]

because all the newsies are inherently shitposts dhdhcn

[@karinagonzalez1756]

this is actually one of the most amazing masterpieces on youtube

[@marianara-sauce]

HFHSJFJDHF THANK

[@ilikebands4696]

Why is this the most accurate thing ever

[@ohhecc7545]

THIS IS SO GOOD

[@marianara-sauce]

Atalie Hill !!!!!! im glad you liked it :D

[@ohhecc7545]

rainbowblue13 I think I might follow you on tumblr. It’s me btw 🌹 I absolutely love the Newsies and love your blog (if it is you)

[@marianara-sauce]

Atalie Hill yea im both rainbowblue13 and marianara-sauce on tumblr! and aaah omg im glad you like my dumb reblogs/art

[@racecarhiggins5970]

This is literally so well edited and yet it's a shitpost and I LOVE IT

[@crashvds777]

Ok but honestly, every time I see the rally at the theater in the 1992 film and Medda does her number, all I can think of is that she’s performing for a sea of drunk toddlers.

[@liaguianen5247]

This. Is. The. Most. Beautiful. Thing. I’ve. Ever. Seen.

[@decentgrocerybag4003]

DAMMIT JACK

[@ellieyoung5604]

this is SO niche. I love it

[@maddieosterman9296]

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

[@marianara-sauce]

Maddie Osterman HHCDXBFDV THANK U

[@andreagadaleta]

AHAHHAAHAH I FRIKIN LOVE JHON MALANEYYY

[@softgirlszn6364]

Macnamera??? Like HEATHER???

[@weresofansie1457]

No like Jake duhhh Lol I get it don’t r/whoosh me

[@macaronweasley8100]

Noooo but Heather isnt a buttholeee

[@weresofansie1457]

@@macaronweasley8100 I haven’t seen Heathers but from what I know I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point

[@macaronweasley8100]

@@weresofansie1457 Heather Mac isnt in my opinion, Chandler and kinda duke yes

[@weresofansie1457]

@@macaronweasley8100 Good to know, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to watch Heathers, so it’s good to get information about it.

[@mishapenmoonmoth]

i love that race is the one to break the pool table and spot is the one that shits on the computer 👏 i love my Agents of Chaos™️

[@lillyrosie1559]

OMG JOHN MULANEY AND NEWSIES TWO THINGS I LOVE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@EmilyofREL]

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that this is my favorite video of all time.

[@ajax9215]

I had to watch it twice to fully get the Newsies because the first time I was laughing to hard to pay attention

[@mirandar7775]

When you know who the comedian is

[@alastortheradioman]

The little smirk on Spot’s face when it says “and took a shit on his computer ”

[@monetpinkett888]

why am i sobbing?

[@possumpetalg]

This is my favorite video of all time. Thank you

[@coconutthecockatiel478]

There are no words to describe how perfect and accurate this is.

[@julz6725]

this is actually so great

[@josephkolody5900]

The pool table part should’ve been the printing press in the cellar. Just sayin

[@rine6740]

This was my first introduction to newsies AND John Mulaney

[@liagodino4221]

omg spots face at the computer shit part is gold

[@stephpiano2908]

Can you please upload the entirety of Newsies Live to KZbin? Even just song clips because I can't find them anywhere and it's killing me

[@stephpiano2908]

Awkwardly Awesome It's not on it here in Australia unfortunately 😭😭😭

[@marianara-sauce]

Steph Piano i would but i dont want to get a copyright strike D: however, i might be able to get a google drive link for you?

[@stephpiano2908]

rainbowblue13 Oh my god that would be amazing thank you

[@Ashfullstop12]

Steph Piano The drive version of Newsies Live I had got removed, so I'd love a new link.

[@zacharytubbs5681]

its not google drive but mega.nz/#!MkMG1K6S!GghPOsyGyqkqQToTHrrGOndRQXoSLYfaoG1WMUZ8Pg0 enjoy!

[@mollysspam4481]

this is a work of art you should get an award for this

[@the_mango_hornets_restaurant]

Ok listen I love John Mulaney but looking at the title of this video I had no clue what this was gonna be about and I'm happy to say this has been the best 5 minutes and 30 seconds of my life oh my god

[@ItsBoneless]

I love this more then anything

[@crashvds777]

Time to watch this again

[@mollysspam4481]

I fricking love this so much

[@jellyfishyishy]

MCNAMARA?!

[@macaronweasley8100]

Ik, Heather can't

[@SpeciallyShirly]

This is one of the best things I have ever watched thank you

[@jessagalaxia5165]

Its 2am s t o p 😂😂😂

[@oliviaburnette4077]

Omg my two favorite things I love the so much

[@kyliecrybaby4161]

I have school tomorrow I should be sleeping but I’m losing my shit over this 💀

[@ivygilmore3406]

The idea of spot being the one to take a shit on the computer was just too much for me

[@sagegreeeeeeen]

I love that Crutchie is John mulaney in this

[@AngelinasVoice]

this is freaking genius 😂

[@marianara-sauce]

Angelina's Voice hahaha thank you!

[@lesliemarr3509]

I. LOVE THIS.... SO. MUCH!! OMG

[@juliaiw3818]

Heather.

[@annak9096]

THIS IS INCREDIBLE

[@avafilms8098]

I loved this! Good job! Everything fit perfectly😂

[@blahkayonaFriday]

this is a great musical, it's on netflix

[@sundae_z]

Another story I heard about myself! Uh, this one happened in 1899. There was this reporter girl whose dad owned the World. His name was Mr. Pulitzer, and his daughter Katherine was a reporter. She worked for the Sun, while we worked for the World. And Mr. Pulizter was an @$$hole. And, one weekend, he decided to raise the price of papes, which you should never do, if you're an @$$hole. And Katherine decided to help the newsboys strike against her dad! Hurray! And everyone around town heard about it, and we all got up individually, and thought, "Okay, let's go over there and DESTROY THE PLACE."

[@zlch4021]

I LOGR THAT JACK IS THE ONE WITH TGE PHOTOS THE FOOTAGE WORKS TOO WELL OMG

[@ArtsyFartsy016]

I'm ded inside😂😂😂😂😂

[@lemonbug3096]

OMG YOU GAVE ME LIFEEE and SPOT WHAT THE HECK

[@malloryfallon6394]

0:03 LOOK. HOW. PURE!!!

[@crashvds777]

I knew what this was going to be and I was not disappointed Thank you for distracting me from being in the hospital

[@itsgrapes-exe]

this is the most accurate thing ive seen in my life

[@2424-b3u]

LOVE NEWISES

[@christinel.2304]

This is magnificent 😂❤️

[@marianara-sauce]

aaaah thank u ;u;