The PROBLEM With Modern Dating & The Word "SIMP" | Matthew Hussey

[@Babesinthewood97]

I actually have one major criteria for dating someone and that is kindness. Also, the times I've actually fell in love with someone it's often when the person is displaying kindness and consideration. I find it frustrating that some people see kindness as a weakness. It's the opposite. And nothing is a bigger turn on over time, tbh

[@erinnicollelynch2330]

@@SuperMurray2009 Not true at all.

[@SuperMurray2009]

@@erinnicollelynch2330 Except it is

[@erinnicollelynch2330]

@@SuperMurray2009 maybe in your experiences, but you have not met all the women in the world so how can you say something is absolute. You are setting yourself up to see only that reality and that is what you will attract.

[@erinnicollelynch2330]

@@SuperMurray2009 Well, Godspeed man. Don’t know what to tell you if that’s what you believe.

[@KitKat-gw4rh]

I'm attracted to kind people too. And "nice guys" finish last because usually they're not actually kind people. They're "nice" with an agenda and then turn mean when it doesn't pan out.

[@Booster85]

The more you focus on trying to find "someone" the more it won't happen, go out and be the best version of you and it fall into place at the right time

[@Berserker793]

And if you don't do anything, nothing happens. Although, tranquility is such a beautiful thing.

[@IevaKambarovaite]

@@genericname7020 yes and no.. You can increase your chances of getting a better job when you focus on networking and improving your skills. That makes you a more attractive job candidate. Yes, sitting on the sofa and doing nothing won't help you whether you're looking for love or a job.

[@SuperMurray2009]

Especially incorrect advice for most guys. Because relationships and dating mostly depend on the guys making the first moves.

[@natpaler883]

Agree 💯

[@coachbryanthomas]

That’s so true

[@LL-wu5ui]

Men think being nice is enough. It's not. Being nice is a bare minimum. You still have to have all the other, great qualities no matter how 'nice' you are. That's what 'nice guys' don't understand. The women don't turn you down because you are nice, they turn you down because that's all that you are offering.

[@SuperMurray2009]

Great comment.

[@terryvest5589]

THANK YOU!!!!!

[@hudson701]

Whilst all a woman has to do is turn up.

[@DeMafiaGirl]

@@hudson701 no??? If you're settling for shitty women then you need to get some standards for yourself

[@Aprendeinglesdesdecero]

And because if that kindness is fake...we notice it whether or not you are really a nice guy. Real nice guys always win.

[@ladycharley]

Simpin can also mean that the man who's willing to do anything even change who is is to appease her. Treating her like she is more worthy of better treatment because of her the way she looks....which is obviously undeserving.

[@shiwoshiwofr]

This!

[@aislingconnolly5823]

Being respected is far more important than being nice in attraction..Great phrase to remember!

[@jamescalder5115]

Yeah I have had the same thing as the story you set out with someone - We went on 1 date and she told me that she loved me and tried to sleep with me - I turned her down and told her truth after our date that I wasn't really right for her and that we wanted different things. We decided to just be friends and I thought nothing of it - She got into a relationship a few months later and was seemingly happy. After a year and a half of fighting Depression and not dating, I accidentally ended up meeting someone that became my partner. She then flipped out and lost it - Claiming I lied to her and how I triggered her "Rejection anxiety", etc. All of this because of one date - She was then telling the girl I was her Ex and how I had triggered her, etc... after that I cut complete contact with her. It took me over a year but I finally realised after all that time she was still harbouring feeling for me based on 1 date to the point where it completely messed with her head when I met someone else. Despite having a partner she was living with at the time. Its not the only time this hasn't happened - Girls who I have been open and honest with about what I want continuing to chase me years later despite me telling them that nothing was happening and being upfront... Honestly this whole "Simp culture" is so dangerous for everyone not just for the actual "Simps". This is not meant to be a brag or anything just sharing an experience.

[@corilewis]

I think there's something important in the idea of personal boundaries, self-respect, being in a good place with yourself. For me it's a huge red flag when someone doesn't have any boundaries, puts others on a pedestal and thinks really poorly of themselves. Niceness is like the baseline standard for behavior, but so often it feels like it's used as a manipulation tactic or a fast-pass for connection. For example even in everyday situations when people cat call you on the street, often they act "overly nice" and then immediately get angry if it doesn't "work". Interesting conversation!

[@Berserker793]

I find what you wrote fascinating. Could being overly nice possibly be being too agreeable?

[@emilybaxter3058]

Yes! Because when they’re overly nice, you can guarantee they’re on the brink of a hissy fit if it doesn’t go their way

[@Berserker793]

@@emilybaxter3058 Not necessarily. If a person feels a strong moral obligation or religious responsibility to be nice to someone, then doing the right thing or the following of their religious beliefs should be sufficient, unless the belief of someone doing something without payment is unfathomable.

[@AmyyWx]

For me a ‘simp’ is someone who fawns over a female and does anything to gain the female’s approval via affection and sacrificing one’s self with acts. I had a few pursue me and it was very tiring because their mental health depended on whether I was willing to return the affection. Now what I look for in a partner is someone who is their own being and doesn’t require my validation and approval for every action and instead provides a different viewpoint on things - most ‘simps’ wouldn’t be able to provide a different perspective because their priority would be to gain validation from the female. It would also make me question whether they actually liked me or because I was simply female and whether my reaction was solely their need for female validation… That would be what differentiates a ‘simp’ for me to other guys rather than kindness. I have met someone who is kind and soft towards me but I can see that’s because he’s genuinely cares rather than looking for my approval

[@simoneracioppa5733]

Men should start to completely ignore Fs.

[@ILoveT8erTots]

Love this video- thanks Matthew & Stephen! The whole culture around ‘simp’ is rude! on the dating level: the trend for dates I’ve been on in the past year is that they’re lacking niceness and sweetness, consideration.. to make fun of traits/behavior that make someone easier to get along with is BS (not saying we shouldn’t make fun of the comments that have

[@Babesinthewood97]

I absolutely agree wigh you. And by kindness I don't mean manipulation or being a doormat. However an example that seems to contradict the anti simp trend, is the number of people adoring for example Keanu Reeves. He's a nice role model for just plain decency.

[@CS-wn2sz]

Men should be kind but not at the expense of his own values, principles and priorities. Simping is a man pouring excessively into a woman to the detriment of his own self respect. It’s a bad thing objectively. I get what you’re getting at. People now seem to have a really hard time being vulnerable and giving without the fear of being taken advantage of but there’s a difference between giving because you’re actually altruistic and giving being you’re needy and you think the only way to get and keep someone’s attention is rooted in what you can do for them. There needs to be balance and the spirit of calling out simping is to push back on an extremism.

[@oneworldonehome]

"Many people expect or demand devotion from others but are incapable of giving it themselves, for they wish to bargain with their affection. They wish to make sure that their demands will be met before they are willing to give in. But you see, devotion is not negotiable. You do not bargain for it. It is not giving in. It is something that emerges from the very depth of you, so that you need not create it. It simply arises." A quote from *Wisdom from the Greater Community, Book 1* by Marshall Vian Summers. Check it out, it's free online.

[@Berserker793]

It's better to dwell in the desert than to live with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. That books is free, too! 👍🍻

[@alwalw9237]

I just love this. I checked out that book too. Absolutely mind blowing. Thank you.

[@johnchapman5125]

Thank you, Ivan.

[@julieann1975]

Thank you

[@AlioMcDavis]

Found it. Thanks!

[@jamesroberts5450]

Its a form of generosity. Your not necessarily looking for a response from the person. But yes I do agree, we are ssoooo starved for connection, worst in history. Thanks for all you do Matthew and team.

[@packbackg]

Admittedly, I was one of those "simp police," or a "simp investigator," is a better term for myself because I wouldn't really call the guys out. Just observe. It was predominantly out of amusement because I couldn't help but laugh and be embarrassed about some of my own previous ways with women. However, currently I'm at a point where I'd rather encourage men to take that same energy they're applying to women who'll never even know you exist, and at least trying some of it on average everyday women for the sake of not only a "Thank you!" at the least, but maybe she'll like you too and you gifted yourself the opportunity for a date. Fellas, if you're gonna do it, stand out and give yourself a chance.

[@lovehilaryanne]

What is frustrating is there are women, like myself (I play video games, aka "Girl gamer") and all these men are maybe afraid of actually getting into a relationship? Because I'm sitting there wondering how none of my guy friends are seeing me that way. To me, it's confusing. I started dating one guy and I feel like he realized all of the work a relationship takes, like communication etc and it popped that image he saw online.

[@anastasiavorobets8898]

SIMP is a huge turn off for me. When my bf turned out to be SIMP I lost any respect for him, any attraction and wanted to run the other way, even though I did feel sorry for him, it’s no way to be with someone

[@jamescalder5115]

Thank you - This whole thing of Nice Guys vs Bad Boys drives me nuts because there seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding with what those 2 terms actually mean. Same principle as the terms "Alpha" and "Beta". An "Alpha" or "Bad Boy" seems to mean to some guys as a Man who sleeps with as many women as possible, treats them all like crap, manipulates them and messes with their emotions and that is what makes them "Alpha". Its honestly a joke and people seem to confuse "Alpha" for "Narcissist".

[@cyndijohnson5473]

Alpha=grandiose narcissist, beta= vulnerable narcissist And then there are legit nice guys who aren’t either of those

[@joegarcia5585]

Exactly Cindy! I’ve learned that women are really not looking for the bad guys (alpha) or the nicest ones, they are into that mixture of the guy in that sweet spot in the middle, those who are kind and loyal but independents with boundaries that make them respectful not boring as a needy and dependent guy.

[@jamescalder5115]

@@cyndijohnson5473 Yeah that is the current definition of what those words mean but thats not what words like Alpha used to mean... people just use it as a buzzword to explain why they are single AKA "Im single because of Alpha Chad". Unfortunately people dont understand that - If you genuinely treat women with respect, are friends with them because you want to be and actually choose to date and get into a relationship.. then by the law of the internet you are a beta simp. Its stupid and amazes me that people think that way but they do... sadly its not just men that think like that either.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

@@jamescalder5115 perhaps this is the case in the law of the internet. Probably even more reason to date IRL! It's a lot easier to judge in reality whether someone is a genuinely nice guy , or a "Nice Guy". You can feel whether someone is genuine or not in their energy. You can't expect to get an accurate read of people's energy in the comments on tiktok. In my experience of 'Nice Guys' IRL, they *are* covert or vulnerable narcissists. There's a creep factor just under the surface, and they become possessive, critical, and aggressive if you don't behave the way they expected you to. There's a HUGE difference between the dynamic that you describe of respect, friendship & mutuality, vs the 'Nice Guy' dynamic of coercive control, conditionality & transactional "niceness". I have to think that at some point, the internet dating world will become so toxic (if it isn't already) that people will leave in droves and start returning to offline ways to meet people. Post-Covid obviously! There's definitely a need for it - a social need if nothing else.

[@amieamie6268]

It feels like an evil cycle, as these people are so desperately looking for affection or attention that they do this, but this "trend" also means that people go online instead of go out and try and interact with the people around them. We forget what is right here with us because we can see how much is out there.

[@AliKwj]

I think men who comment on women's pictures with no possibility for their comments to be seen are just their ego seeing itself as something special so they still have that little hope in them when they comment that they'll be seen by the woman and she'll recognize that "speciallness" that their ego sees in itself. Thay have that hope.

[@SuperMurray2009]

Guys are more prone to this because less options.

[@Fran-mr3yo]

it's an IQ thing too. Hence why the Indians or Africans doing this is a stereotype.

[@Titus7of9]

I think people get so caught up in the reward system criteria, that people forget as human beings, people genuinely want to give love and affection. I think there are so many men in the world that are so desperate to pour out their love and affection, that they are willing to pour it out even to ungrateful or unwilling recipients. This is the real cause of SIMPS today. Largely men who are just desperate to fulfill the biological, historical, cultural, and even in some cases religious calling to provide for their partner. Unfortunately after enough rejection, this desire evolves into cynicism and hatred, and even mockery for men they were once like themselves.

[@ShopgirlNY182]

I just want to say Stephen’s One Direction shout out made my entire year. 🙌🏻

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Hey......I like being alone but I need to push myself to interact with friends, family, and the community to remember how important it is to have eachother, that we all matter and most importantly have nice normal interactions ACTUALLY face to face.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@i-brobot lol nooo🤣🤣🤣

[@hajji1509]

What I have found through online dating is my conclusion that's we as a society are desperately sad. I went in a dating app - which I've now deleted and found the whole experience really depressing. The contacts and numbers of comments were in the hundreds. However when it came down to actually them arranging to DO something about it, like actually MEET? Nothing. A few conversations then .....gone. I think these men are lacking something basic in their emotional and psychological make-up. İt's a sinister laboratory for ugly bacteria and has infected society. If my current relationship doesn't work out (met through a friend I'm happy to say) I would NEVER EVER go on any dating site again.

[@kflecha1]

This videos are super helpful.💕✨ I think that today people struggle with the basic notion of putting a little bit of effort in a relationship. Everything is about instant gratification 😕

[@simoneracioppa5733]

Why must I put effort for a F not interested in me? Why must I make the first move? Why should I give them the opportunity to humiliate me, reject and mock me, and to make me feel inadequate? Why do I have to risk and waste time, while other guys have everything and immediately? Why do I have to go through all this bs and let them hurt me and my selfesteem?

[@kflecha1]

@@simoneracioppa5733 In my opinion everything takes time and comunication is key.

[@simoneracioppa5733]

@@kflecha1 yeah... "time and communication" while Fs give everything immediately to someone else that does zero effort... No thanks, I don't play rigged games, I had enough. If a F likes me then she must prove that to me doing ALL the effort.

[@TheModernDating]

Personally, I think men simply just need to improve themselves. For some, it is extremely hard work, but it must be done.

[@BigPhil2024]

Improve for the sake of ourselves. Not a woman.

[@TheModernDating]

@@BigPhil2024 Yes. But women are a nice bonus, a nice complement to one's life. We shouldn't deny that.

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@TheModernDating aaaawww

[@TheModernDating]

@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light hmm?

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@TheModernDating lol...the aaww meant 'nice comment'.....yes it's a compliment for ourselves to try be our best with a besty by our side....

[@jade9010]

I think I’m cursed. All the guys I used to love with all my heart they didn’t appreciate me, they cheated on me, they controlled me…. Until I stop loving them, and when I’m done I’m done, they want to come back and stay in love for even 20 years ( or at least they show me so). I just want a guy who loves me when I still love him :((

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

You should do a video on the "nice guy" / incel theory! When they say women are "now" looking for "nice" guys I think you're right that actually they're raising their standards (off the floor) to want a man who is kind and considerate.

[@ivoryliving]

I love Matthew's passion with exploring the topic deeper.

[@sta5011]

"Being nice leads to rejection" Yes it does ive been rejected 5 times already

[@sandy10777]

This is huge. Call my comment a female “simp”;) but his vids seriously realign my perspective & get me back on track. wish my single (or even married) girl friends would check this stuff out!! keep it up Matt. Ppl, this is ACTUALLY helpful info, & not just entertainment.

[@miss_me9566]

Best thing I needed to hear !!!! Bang on♡ In 2022 I will let go of this fabricated fictional relationship in my head and put myself out there to yes perhaps be rejected and maybe not. But it will be a true experienc3

[@J.5.M.]

Do it!! Good luck!

[@thesacredprofaneco]

Twin flame teachings have people playing into this as well. There are entire books written around people ignoring/not paying attention to you and how that it is your spiritual journey to be reunited. I fell for it for years…and like you said when I FINALLY woke up and realized it was BS, demented fairy tale crap I realized how much time i had wasted with more narcissistic men feeding off my attention with no intent of being a mate- instead of actually dating and practicing

[@J.5.M.]

I agree, I really dislike the word nice. We should be kind, caring, fun, generous, playful. Those things matter more than being "nice"

[@DeMafiaGirl]

these "nice guys" that are complaining no one wants them because they're nice, aren't actually nice. As soon as they get rejected they get violent and verbally abusive or only see women as objects and treat them as such. I'd love to be in a relationship with a genuinely kind, considerate man, but it honestly feels like those are very rare cause any "nice" guys you see, they're only using that as a manipulation tactic

[@mabisgarcia3087]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Amazing content. I appreciate you guys showing how damaging and counter productive. It is to escape reality in a sense. To run away from real relationships 🙌🏽 and to take a stand 🙏🏽.

[@MABO07]

I always thought a “simp” was short for simpleton… which kind of fits the description anyway.

[@debracrawford2906]

I wonder some of the same things when I watch a TicTok about nothing or nothingof importance. Why did they post this? What are they getting from it? Do they need the rush of the "like" to feel self-worth? Do they have nothing going on in their life. Is it about 2 seconds of some sort of "fame"? It's all so very interesting.

[@SuperMurray2009]

I don't mind the word simp because apparently the word was first used as another way of say simpleton. Which is somebody being foolish. And being a Simp is being foolish by being overly accommodating over another person with very little investment in return.

[@aurorasanquilly8216]

The kinds of behaviors you're describing with the Maid Cafes and the online fantasizing, are all in the category of male behaviors that have always existed - from phone sex lines, to nude dancers, to celebrity worship, to professional cuddlers, to porn and all other forms of "companionship/courtesan/sex work" that men have been paying for since well... forever. And the kinds of minimal connections they try to get without paying for them through FWB's and booty calls and hook ups. Because they can get those transactional minimal effort/minimal investment instant gratification "needs" met, rather than actually investing in the time, energy and effort into creating Real connection and relationship with a woman. The devaluing of real connection with real people is creating so much despair and loneliness, and these temporary transactional exchanges where no real needs are met. Like eating frosting for dinner, without any actual cake or food. It might taste good for a minute, but you get no nutritional value from it and you'll feel like crap later.

[@womenwhodate7643]

What a great, truly inspiring stories you have ❤️🙌 I wish there were more KZbinrs like you. All the best 😇

[@astartizeus7165]

Congrats Mathew and Steven? For the high level and depth of analysis of such delicate and pragmatic issues, really wonderful discussion, thank y for that and all the best to you two!!! ❤️👏👏👏👏👏

[@rockymountainskies1744]

The difference between a simp and a fan is a simp is the online equivilant of the disingenuous "nice guy." They are not engaging in behavior to make someone's day or spread good vibes. They are engaging in calculated behavior because they are hoping to be rewarded in some way. Let that reward be attention, acknowledgment, or in their fantasies sexual interest. It says a lot to your own humanity that you want to see the behavior from the lens of sympathy and pity but speaking from someone on the receiving end of this behavior in multiple cases, it's not so innocent and poor pitiful him that you want to make it sound. Not to say their are not exceptions to the rule but personal experience has shown me its typically a different tactic that is low key predatory and disingenuous. Online equivilant of.... if I buy you enough drinks at the bar or dinner and a night out you owe it to me to have sex. It's a strings attached ploy.

[@Anonymous-md2qp]

The popularity of the word simp is a great thing. Young men need to be aware that simp behaviour is unacceptable and a waste of their time and money.

[@godsplan7726]

Matthew Hussey..u r a person with good intentions.. Matthew Hussey..ur good intentions is the best part of you..

[@Taisha12001]

When a person is one way all the time, they become boring, predictable, and one-dimensional. It doesn't matter if you're kind or an asshole. People are generally want someone is well-rounded. They're nice but they have boundaries and self-respect.

[@pickmeupstix]

Hey guys, thought you’d like to know the psychological term for romantic obsession is called “limerence” I just discovered this concept recently thanks to KZbinr Crappy Childhood Fairy, and boy has it been interesting to reflect on. Would love to hear you discuss it more 🌞 Cheers!

[@StephanieGLewis]

Came here to say the same thing!

[@pickmeupstix]

@@StephanieGLewis hehe niiiice!! 😊

[@brandidamore1751]

The phenomenon of this fixation is called "limerance" and may be connected to a neurochemical connection induced by the attraction. "Simps" develop parasocial relationships with these women, and part of it is cultivated for some on that he can do no wrong to this fantasy, whereas a real woman he may disappoint, with a more insidious component of being bonded based on appearance. This trait when malignant turns into incel.

[@cynthiahoz3948]

Love your perspective@ Brandi D’Amore. So insightful.

[@johnelahad721]

“Simp adjacent” 🤣🤣 on a serious note as a guy it was nice to watch a video on this topic, and to hear someone say how derogatory and unhelpful that term is.

[@lisabuckner243]

MATT, you're talking about LOVE ADDICTION, WHICH IS A REAL THING, from lack of REAL love in childhood! It's sad, but a real thing!

[@brendabanuelos194]

From what I've seen, and noticed, men dislike the term "simp", but I only see men using that term to belittle other men. I don't know a single woman who has used that term, ever. Nor have I seen other women actively using that term. If there are women out there using that term, that's unfortunate, and not nice at all. But again, I haven't seen evidence of women using that term to the extent men use it on other men.

[@kennethhasuik8042]

Self awareness of what you see yourself doing enough of gives you the choice of respecting yourself or not in how you act around others.

[@kristinaveirum]

I feel so sad for them sometimes. They put them so much on a pedestal because they lack self worth and self esteem. Unfortunately they don’t believe in themselves and they’re selling themselves short. Great video!

[@valentinawinding1271]

That cafe sounds like Hooters….. meaning the dynamics between server and guest.

[@ShantyqueWood]

They are simping but then ghosting. Oh so frustrating dating these days. Some guys just 🥱🤥🙅🏻‍♀️🤷‍♂️

[@SuperMurray2009]

Well I find this comment incredibly disingenuous. When most men "Simp" they usually put women on pedestals and most women don't prefer to date guys like that. On the exceptions that they do, they usually become disinterested in a guy after a while. So Simps are very unlikely to ghost in the first place. A guy is usually a simp because of his lack of options. So giving up his only option is usually not something they do.

[@ShantyqueWood]

Believe me, it happened to me. Sign in into my dating apps after 5 years. I chatted with 2 guys. Both of them said I was beautiful like a princess, called me gorgeus then showering me with ‘I can’t wait to meet you’ , ‘I’m so nervous meeting gorgeus girl like you’, ‘you are gorgeous why are you single’ you are too sweet to be in this dating app bla bla bla. One hour before meeting he didn’t replied my messages. The other guy just unmatched straight away before meeting. This is insane! They probably thought that I put filter on my face or put an old pics of mine on the dating apps. I’m not saying I’m absolutely beautiful hahaha but I am fit and looking younger than my age. Probably they thought I catfish them! Who knows

[@ShantyqueWood]

That’s the reason I delete my dating apps one day after sign in 🤷🏻‍♀️ the end

[@SuperMurray2009]

@@ShantyqueWood Yeah its probably they couldn't believe you matched with them.

[@ineedhoez]

You guys are conflating quite a few issues when it comes to the Simo conversation. Ultimately, a simp is a man who over-invests in a woman who does not invest in him. However, the issue is that people claim that any investment, makes you a simp. That is the problem.

[@Okashime]

Oh I wonder if matthew knew about the Butler Cafe in japan too where female customer get treated like princess or royalty by the butlers there. It's similar to maid cafe but in reverse role.

[@ILoveMyFro]

Matthew, hearing you describe the maid's cafe was excruciating. The maid's cafes are sexual, just like Hooters.

[@pharaohhermenthotip1553]

@@melsmysticrealm3768 I love how you've automatically assumed Matthew is being dishonest just because he came to a different conclusion than the one you would have liked...

[@patientwind1]

Y’all are being pretty generous about this noncommittal, dopamine driven addictive behavior… Like all addictions, it is a trauma response, in this particular case to unresolved conception shock.

[@Berserker793]

That's interesting. Is there a book or something for more information? Behavioral science aren't my strong suit.

[@jdsfive]

I don't know if you will see this or respond. But you have such a way of talking, thinking....I think many men (I don't know about women) that just don't seem to be able to carry on a conversation. No opinions or observations. I was writing to say I wish you could coach men how to converse and be interactive...but as I say that, I think maybe that "simp" is just a step further from real connection. You know, like they just don't know how to brave real connection. This allows the one-sided feel of thinking you are relating. Its a very sad state of how detached we are getting in this world. It used to be just the kids living detached but I'm seeing it in single men my own age too.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

The intimate knowledge you both have regarding woman’s comments section is interesting and revealing. 🤔

[@justjo4059]

Safe problems. Like chewing bubble gum to solve algebra. Or sitting in a rocking chair to stay busy. Keeps you preoccupied, but isn't at all productive. It's escapism. It's the idea of connection rather than the discomfort and messiness of real connection.

[@miceymolander]

I also noticed the difference between appreciating good music and strongly obsessing over a sultry singer who evidently caters to this audience. The problem of the private person devoid of/choosing not to accept interaction, is that by nature, he will choose to be a devoted simp.

[@miyamiya1726]

It ain't simping if it's mutual

[@jessicaw9011]

"Women are now looking for nice guys" I'm a woman, and. . . kind of? More like what Matt said, where my dating history has men who were clinically insane or otherwise unstable, dark and moody, and at least a little bit toxic. Then, it was, "Oh but he has these good qualities-- I can live with that," Now, it's like, I actually made a list after my last ex-- *takes a moment to get out her list* --Ok as far as what counts as "nice" to me? --Is healthy in body and mind --Is a person of light and love --Builds me up --treats me with fairness and respect

[@reneelukut8402]

As someone with traumatic experience when it comes to men, my main priority is someone who actually makes me comfortable and safe. I've met, went out for dates.. when I wanted to slow things down since I don't trust people easily, they gave up after 3 months. Worse, I was made as sidechick. Was at the verge of giving up in relationship until last year when my friend introduce me to her friend, via Instagram. I have such low expectations since I'm always unlucky when it comes to guys, plus we never met. So I went to his hometown on Christmas break, and couldn't be more grateful... Not only he spent the whole 7 days with me, he also planned where to go.. he kept me safe. Hopefully things will progress for both of us tho. I'm simping for this guy lmao none of us confess our feelings yet.. I'm not sure if he likes me more than a friend 😅

[@DiaboloMootopia]

Tell him you like him. Life is too short not to. If you're worried about rejection, believe me, regret is worse.

[@philipcallado5693]

Simp-type behavior comes from a place of lack. A guy feels like he has to basically beg for a woman’s affection because he may not get another chance. But if a guy knows he’s a quality, high level guy and expects to be around quality women, he knows he doesn’t have to behave like this.

[@anna2belle783]

I actually believe that you missed the very prominent predatory view of the "simps". A lot of them are actually fishing for weakness, while looking for "better". The aren't all single.

[@MariyaTerzieva]

And even if you got the attention of this sort of VIP for you, it wouldn't fill the void in your heart. Because underneath all the fame and followers and likes they are just a human being.

[@yogeshpanwar3201]

One should simp for himself, it is much more fruitful..

[@zitttu]

Im so glad there is so much content 😊

[@pollypockets508]

I have been infatuated with musicians. I've also always wanted to have a songwriting and singing career.

[@-indrajith-111]

We use derogatory terms for everything that considered to be divine in the last century and embracing evilness.

[@Janz-jd1qd]

I thought the term was short for simpering? Probably used in a few Jane Austin novels!

[@bobjohnson3940]

Oddly, I've met and dated 3 girls from video games, met and slept with a good handful of women randomly from the internet from various social media apps that aren't meant for dating all from a clever but blatant compliment one could objectively call simpy. I've approached women irl and said "You're literally the best looking person I've seen in real life" and got laid, got friends, girlfriends. There are loads of men saying things to women, paying for them and generally being the least on the pecking order in some hope that they may get some attention but for others, shit, things happen. Cheers.

[@rartinderkaur3499]

Hi Sir Thanks for being golden and giving +ve perspective on people pleasing .It's about shifting in the pattern that person held with him /her in the past that gave them validation and safety to be accepted in family , friends or in relation that limit the person authenticity .it's about showing up in interaction in a new way and new awareness to feel and see the real self with +ve behaviour and when the person wants a new direction and growth .The new self don't rob relationship or growth or fear instead when the person realise their actual worth they find the person worthy of them who holds everything with +vity and understanding . Thanks Sir always for Your wisdom with many more to come . Regards and Much Care 🤗💝

[@PtolemyXVII]

I think there is a difference between being a fan and a simp. A simp is more like a male slave who will do anything his female master asks him to do. A lot of men obviously poke fun at simps because they’re resentful of female power. I also think men who target other men as having oneitis tend to be jealous because they’ve probably never felt strongly for anyone and have an inability to bond to people, which is common in hookup culture.

[@达努佳]

Honestly if the man ain't a "simp" someone emotionally intact and loving or kind. Why would anyone be in a relationship with him?

[@natural91LC]

24:44 that was unexpected lol bur yes it's true. Oddly enough I've never commented but I appreciate the honesty. Kudos to you

[@danaladd6410]

A simp is a real thing, and very bad. Being nice does not make you a Simp… being desperate and hiding your true feelings, and excepting to be treated like a doormat, and begging to be just a friend to keep a woman who is uninterested in dating you, while drooling over her and crying when she says it’s time for you to go home after a long day with her. Simps aren’t friends, and they aren’t lovers, and they aren’t nice… they are depraved and hiding resentment and are mean once you are nice to them and treat them like an actual friend… because they don’t actually want to be a friend and will only be nice to you when you treat them badly, but when you are nice to them they get angry and show their true colors. Simps are nasty

[@tianiemitchell5692]

If that's what this word means that a man can lose himself in a relationship and become like a fawning teenager then yes that would be like a woman giving a man too much attention just because the way she feels many women need to pull back the reins on that

[@aislingconnolly5823]

Great video and so true about the social media.

[@IevaKambarovaite]

I've been receiving messages and pictures on my Facebook from this one particular guy for months. They're 'good morning beautiful, I love you, good night' messages. Also, messages of him implying what our family is going to look like and so on.. However, most of these messages look very generic and don't have my name in them, so I have a feeling he's just working on numbers to get those leads 😊 Fascinating.. I'm very curious in human dynamics, so I'm not blocking him to see for how long he'll continue

[@SuperMurray2009]

So basically.....you just want the attention?

[@MsComeDownEasy]

The female word for simp is "pick me." It's the same thing, really. I think some of the actions look slightly different, like trying to be the "cool girl" and abandoning her standards, letting a guy treat her badly, or doing things she doesn't want to do (kinks etc.) to try to be everything to him. Women do it in real-life interactions as opposed to lurking in social media comments.

[@shawncasey4331]

You are 100 percent right.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

When he was describing "simp" i thought of the term "groupie" for women. Different generation, but same deal. People who are harshly judged for selling themselves short, and putting another on a pedestal. Usually accompanied by low-self-esteem, abandonment issues, zero boundaries, and romantic idealisation. Having said that, there's a lot of people who might be called "groupies" or even simps who are probably just enjoying themselves and not taking life so seriously too..! I imagine it is something that *most* people of either gender would grow out of after a while.

[@PrincessFarron]

Yeah, they spent time commenting on those girls pics whilst ignoring those who are beside them irl - it's truly sad

[@aymaejaz6448]

This topic is on point, really good discussion on this

[@thorisomolefe2276]

"advance simp tactics"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️

[@aimeewoolfenden3770]

SIMP is just a horrible term to use to degrade men who actually are doing the things they need to do to keep the relationship healthy. I absolutely hate it! I believe a lot of guys dont treat women they need to do because they are scared of being called a "simp" and look weak

[@Ashforoc]

You're not a simp for doing those things. You're a simp for continuing to do those things even when they are not reciprocated or appreciated, especially after you have communicated about it. It shows a certain lack of self-respect/self-love.

[@elenamiraglia4718]

On the subject of "No pop star wants to tell their fans 'Don't show up at my hotel'", I'd like to bring up Fiona Apple's acceptance speech at the MTV Music Video Awards in 1997: "So what I want to say is, everybody out there that's watching this world? This world is bullshit. And you shouldn't model your life about what you think we think is cool, what we're wearing, and what we're saying and everything. Go with yourself." #fionaapplerocks

[@biondna7984]

It would help if we'd stop congratulating people for being "cleverly" mean. Like, stop calling each other names, take the suffering person aside, and say "You deserve better." But we're looking for amusement at others' expense, it seems.

[@Xianne027]

To your point, Matthew, about men who give "likes" to women with a following of thousands, I'd like to comment that this isn't a new phenomenon limited to modern social media. As an over-50 woman, I have always been perplexed how men feel that having, for instance, posters of pin-up models on their wall - or PC wallpaper - enhances THEIR image as a man, simply by the fact that they RECOGNIZE her attractiveness. They brag and swagger about having this sexy poster, not realising that it devalues them to the lowest degree to any woman who witnesses this behaviour. It is as though they feel that they now possess HER, not simply the poster of her... The same pattern as "liking" someone on a dating site. Sorry, I just don't get it... But, I think that this act of swarming after her with "likes" causes them to feel some kind of illusory connection and false sense of elevated image.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

I read somewhere once that pin-ups like that, as well as the company of men, have the affect of increasing a man's testosterone. I guess that makes sense from an evolutionary perspective..! But it is a TOTAL turn-off, and a red-flag, to witness it as a woman, i agree.

[@Xianne027]

@@user-vn9sh6hv8r Ah! That makes sense then. They feel the surge of testosterone then and their primative brain sends them a confirmation of their "manhood." Pathetic if that's the only way to get that confirmation.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

@@Xianne027 I would say "unevolved" rather than pathetic, personally, as it's an animal instinct rather than a conscious choice. To be fair there are many things we women do that are purely driven by our hormones and our instinctive drive to reproduce also, that seem pretty irrational or unnecessary by contemporary standards. (Like going for the alpha male/bad boy when we're ovulating, even tho there's a far better long-term partner option available!). I don't think that the testosterone surge is a "confirmation of manhood", rather than a surge of primal energy, desire, and motivation - it's not something that happens in the head, or the ego, but in the body. That could then turn into a heightened sense of self, power, ego - whether in a healthy or extreme way - but it doesn't originate there. Remember that we are all animals and we all, for better or worse, behave like animals sometimes! Even the fact that we instinctively judge a man for having a pin-up is instinctual - it says to us that he's not loyal and won't stick around to protect us and our offspring.... We can try to consciously evolve once we're aware of how our hormones & biological drives affect us, but it's still going to be a battle sometimes between the C21st brain and millennia of conditioning to ensure the survival of the species... I know i battle with my hormones every month..! (And in peri-menopause, men are suddenly the last thing i care about tbh... Once again that's biological - there's no need to find a man to procreate with anymore so i'm just like meh! Better things to do with my time!).

[@Xianne027]

@@user-vn9sh6hv8r That makes a lot of sense the way you explain it. Yes, I also lost all interest in men and sex at menopause and then started running after the young ones after I started hormone therapy. Yes, you're right. We are all just reacting to biological functions.

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

@@Xianne027😆 "Running after the young ones after i started taking hormone therapy" - that made me laugh!! Good to know..! I'll warn all the boys if i decide to go down that route... "Cougar on the loose!!" 🤣🤣🤣 It totally makes sense tho - in the years that my oestrogen spiked before the sudden (and horrific) drop i was like a magnet for hot young men. I was like "Don't you know how old i am..??!" Turns out they just wanted me for my oestrogen... 😉

[@Babesinthewood97]

I think if those dudes who comment sweetly on a tiktokers video, also were as sweet to other people and not only specific women who they are sexually attracted to, only then would I count their behaviour as sweet. It's probably self serving, nothing more.

[@browmi03]

Your channel is so awesome.

[@tianiemitchell5692]

Regarding the comment you made on men liking women that they will never meet or see or even get a comment from. I was trying to date and put myself on a couple dating sites and then all of a sudden my information is on another dating site that I don't remember even signing up with and there's over 400 men who would commented on my photo and I had no idea that this was even out there. Maybe I filled it out a year ago and completely forgot I'm not sure typically I remember this sort of stuff.

[@sarahcabbara5124]

Am I the only one that had no idea what a SIMP was? 😳🤔

[@lydaalvarez123]

Smart conversation, and right on point!

[@Xianne027]

"Hey bro, just wanna let you know your simp is showing." 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@BadGalJodi]

It’s pretty cool to see u and your brother

[@serradjsoma8240]

Very good 💗

[@thewallflower7483]

But what was the attraction in the first place for you guys to go to this place? Same as the regulars … it’s the connection that’s craved but no one gets it .. crazy

[@FunnyAsian00]

if you are "simping", I highly recommend the book called no more Mr nice guy. guarantee it will change your life!

[@thecfbutcher1174]

Simps and online narcissism are codependents.

[@municaramnarain5783]

Nice haircut Matt , men need a lot of help they confused the hell out of us, just focusing on me and ur advice helps 🏋🏼‍♀️

[@alexare6431]

I very much disagree with this one. Telling someone hey hope you have a good day is suddenly "simping"? Gtfoh.