The Psychology of Gilmore Girls | a Masterclass in Intergenerational Trauma

[@CrAzYhairShOw]

Wow, thanks for the thoughtful video about one of my childhood shows. I can’t even rewatch, let alone enjoy it as an adult, because seeing the enmeshment and parentification triggers me too much. (Ironically I used to watch it with my mother growing up.) Love this longer form video, keep ‘em coming, please! 🥰

[@ruthmicallef]

Thank YOU so much for always being such an active part of our little community here online! 🩷 it’s funny you say that, as I was getting clips of the show, I couldn’t believe how toxic the relationship was rewatching it all. I think so many toxic on screen relationships are covered up with ‘aesthetic vibes’! 🍂 ☕️ 🥐

[@CrAzYhairShOw]

@@ruthmicallef it is my pleasure, thanks for putting out all this info and encouragement for free!!

[@kerri9004]

This was really great. I’m early 30s and struggle with enmeshment and my mum. The emotional dumping on me is too much to bear, and it’s cost me my own life in many ways. The healthier I become my mum doesn’t, and it’s a real struggle, I’ve no idea how to navigate. Anyway, this was really helpful and helped me gather my thoughts thanks

[@ruthmicallef]

I am so sorry you have had to go through such trauma, but I am so glad the video gave some food for thought! ❤️

[@magz93_]

Great video! I agree with your takes on their relationship. My mom and I were very close when I was growing up, like Lorelai and Rory. It was just the two of us. I see now as an adult that the issues we have currently in our relationship, stem from these unhealthy boundaries and the parentification I felt from unresolved trauma on her end. I wanted to live in the Gilmore Girls world as a teen and ironically, its not as great as I hoped. Recognizing these unhealthy behaviors have been so healing for me. Thank you for talking about this. ❤

[@ruthmicallef]

Thank you SO much for sharing your story! 💌 It is a perfect example of IRL Gilmore Girls! I hope you are now getting the permission and support to heal ❤️‍🩹

[@phoebe538]

Exact same situation for me. Glad to know we're not alone 😊 maybe the writers had something like this in their own lives. I'm sure the young single mother and child relationship often results in enmeshment simply because of their immaturity

[@ChristinaOurWoodHome]

I have only watched Gilmore Girls and the reboot once, as an adult. I did not really care for it and couldn't understand why people were so obsessed. It was clear to me the women were dealing with unresolved traumas and unhealthy relationships. I wonder why this is not obvious to most viewers? Do they choose to overlook that or are they actually unaware?

[@ruthmicallef]

I think that we have come SO far in the past 20 years in talking about and reflecting on mental health. To be honest I think SO many shows in that era were very problematic under the 'whimsy' and 'aesthetic'! 🍂

[@SuperShana97]

I love your analysis! I honesty think Lorelai and Rory's relationship are so realistic and relatable because not only they're bad characters but more complex I would say. I'm glad that Emily in AYITL is finally working on herself and independence without Richard. Rory in her 30s was a huge mess, which it does make sense because she doesn't have any strong connections that relates to her career and have a poor self sense and decisions in life.

[@ruthmicallef]

I love the reflection on complex characters! I think as the years have gone on, we are seeing an increasing number of complex female characters (written by women!) on screen, which is amazing!

[@marianneshepherd6286]

I do agree with your conclusion about Emily. I remember Lorelai saying to someone that her mother is a corporate wife, and Emily compares her relationship to a canoe when Richard is still recovering from a heart attack. Once Richard passes away, Emily realises that everything she did was part of her marriage. As she says, walking out of the DAR meeting, "it died with Richard." ❤

[@ruthmicallef]

This! All of this! I couldn't agree more!

[@marianneshepherd6286]

@ruthmicallef I also like the conversation that Emily and Lorelai have at the mall food court when Emily overhears her daughter on the phone with her contractors for the new inn. Emily comments that she likes seeing her daughter in control and Lorelai responds "well I learned from observing the best", Emily (unaware asks who) and Lorelai replys "the women who's eating a hamburger with a knife and fork". I think this gives Emily a moment of feeling seen. Whilst I didn't like her trying to control aspects of other people's lives, I could see it as the side of her personality, which is ambitious. I think she is an example of a time when women were expected to get an education but ultimately give it to for raising a family. Had Emily been given the opportunity I'd have no doubt that she would've taken the corporate world by storm.

[@hilarybrown9741]

Loved this 😃 Always knew when I watched this that the relationship wasn’t healthy! Neither of them had a very good relationship with food either 😬 Thanks Ruth x

[@ruthmicallef]

You are SO right! I was reflecting on this myself, and I think it's a whole other video I will have to consider next year...quirkiness never truly disguises toxicity in relationships!

[@oorjaswitasil8416]

You are right . This anlysis is very great.i feel like the unreseolves trauma (lorelais) lead to her making poor decisiin regardung lufe partnrs and when things got serious she runs away as she did with max and with luke ahe struggled too .w e definately see this mirrored in rory in AYITL . I am not sure about vurn ouy but her giing in a downhill after being tge best throughout the 7 series is relatable though .i can relate verry well

[@ruthmicallef]

So perfectly said! The intergenerational trauma in the show is rife!