The Queer Feet | A Father Brown story by G. K. Chesterton | A Bitesized Audio Production

When Father Brown is called to the exclusive Vernon Hotel to administer the last rites to a dying member of staff, he manages to detect a crime in progress, and save a soul, all by listening to a few strange footsteps in a corridor...
A new, original recording of a classic public domain text, read and performed by Simon Stanhope, aka Bitesized Audio. If you enjoy this content and would like to help me keep creating, there are a few ways you can support me (and get access to exclusive content):
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Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) was an English author, theologian, philosopher and critic, who produced a wide-ranging output of fiction, poetry and journalism. His writing covered a wide variety of subjects, ranging from crime fiction to Christianity. His most famous novel is probably the "metaphysical thriller" 'The Man Who Was Thursday' (1908), but his most famous fictional creation is surely Father Brown, the Catholic priest-detective who featured in more than 50 short stories published episodically between 1910 and 1936. A complete contrast to his (near) contemporary Sherlock Holmes, Father Brown is quiet, unassuming and solves crimes with instinct, intuition and a deep understanding of human nature.
'The Queer Feet' reintroduces Flambeau, the master criminal foiled by Father Brown in the very first story, 'The Blue Cross'. Somehow Flambeau has escaped from the clutches of the law and is back to his old habits as a daring and original thief, stealing valuable silverware from under the noses of the members of an exclusive dining club. It is an unusually structured detective story, in that Father Brown solves the crime before we (the reader) are even made aware that any crime has been committed... and then goes on to explain in detail exactly what happened and how he worked out the solution. His explanation includes one of Chesterton's most celebrated lines, in which he says of Flambeau: “I caught him, with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world, and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread.” Father Brown has indeed caught Flambeau in more than one sense, and very soon after 'The Queer Feet' the Frenchman renounces his criminal past and becomes a detective himself, assisting Father Brown in a number of later stories, beginning with 'The Invisible Man' (1911).
'The Queer Feet' was first published under the title 'Why the True Fishermen Always Wear Green Evening Coats' in The Saturday Evening Post on 1 October 1910, and subsequently in the November 1910 issue of 'The Story-Teller'. The following year it was published as the third story in 'The Innocence of Father Brown', the first of several books which comprise the Father Brown series.
Recording © Bitesized Audio 2021.

[@marvfj6451]

This is a terrific get-to-sleep story. I've been trying for over a week and STILL have not heard how it ends.

[@varashamus7633]

I assume you mean it in the best possible way hehe I'm about to use it for the exact same purpose, to fall asleep to, but I am gona, tomorrow, experience listening to someone other than myself reading it aloud, I usually read to others.

[@MH-sk8qs]

I have enjoyed this writer since my early days in graduate school,when I pulled books from carts to re-shelve. The atmospheric descriptions are so important to read or to listen, as a means of developing the emotional levels for the actors. Chesterton is a master of description!! Thank you for another tale with the antagonist Flambeau.

[@BitesizedAudio]

My very first job as a teenager was re-shelving returned books in my local library. I loved it, although the pay wasn't very good! Thanks for listening and taking the time to comment, much appreciated

[@mavisemberson8737]

Exactly what I think!

[@byf343]

This is the story Lady Marchmain reads to the family circle while Sebastian is drunk upstairs in the 1981 mini-series adaptation of Waugh’s “Brideshead Revisited”. She ends with this: “Yes," he said, "I caught him, with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world, and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread." A perfect encapsulation and foreshadowing of what is to come for Sebastian. Claire Bloom reads the lines exquisitely.

[@rameyzamora1018]

"When you enter -- which you never will" -- Chesterton is so good. Appreciate your narrating this, Simon.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Yes indeed, he's a pleasure to read!

[@kimmccabe1422]

As a writer myself, i can appreciate a line like that. Especially, he will retire a waiter. I like that also

[@brendapope1523]

@@kimmccabe1422n

[@kimmccabe1422]

@@brendapope1523 . Some call me Macabee..lol

[@cherylmockotr]

My favorite line also, because it makes me want to enter even more! What a way to get the reader to pay attention to detail :-)

[@ClipperHorizon]

"It was easier to become a Member of Parliament than a waiter in that hotel." I've always loved that line. It tells us so much about the hotel, with barely any description at all.

[@Dabhach1]

This story was the first thing I ever read by Chesterton. It was required reading when I was at school. You're not allowed to read old white guys anymore, but after I read this I went to the scantily resourced school library and grabbed everything I could find by him.

[@turninburninvernoniii5235]

“You’re not allowed to read old white guys anymore” STFU 😂

[@aandrus2169]

"Not allowed to read old white guys?" 🙄 What a stupid comment. Mark Twain? William Shakespeare? Ray Bradbury? Herman Melville? I could go on and on.

[@cynthiaholland13]

What country are you in where this is true? Im in America and almost all the books we read in school are by old or dead white men. Are you in an African country? I must say that would be a unique experience

[@silverhawkscape2677]

True. Slowly but surely White guys like Chesterton are being replaced.

[@Tina06019]

No question that GK Chesterton is one of the finest of the “old dead white male” authors, but I certainly have not noticed any shortage of books written by said group. Certainly no one has ever stopped me from reading their works! And something tells me that the generous-minded Father Brown would be happily interested in the worthy literary works of all types of authors.

[@mariameere5807]

Just perfect! In every way, could not possibly have been Improved upon! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[@BitesizedAudio]

Very kind of you to say so, thank you Maria! Glad to know you enjoyed it

[@Phinnius23]

If only all narrators were so captivating. Thank you for another wonderful story.

[@BitesizedAudio]

What a lovely comment, thank you!

[@annetteeggett2802]

There’s no other ❤️

[@caroleastwood9386]

Yes. Thank you so much Simon. Its marvellous. I'm enjoying it. Its intrigueing

[@irenabevans3411]

Thoroughly enjoyed listening to this take, Thank You, can't wait for the next reading

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thanks Irena. I'm aiming for weekly uploads at the moment, so far as possible (other work permitting etc). Glad to know you enjoyed it

[@justinweber4977]

Ooh, this reminds me, I have a collection of Father Brown stories to finish reading. On that note, this is quite a treat!

[@nancyM1313]

👍👍❤Father Brown Fan!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Excellent, glad to know that! Thanks Nancy

[@wrcnkk]

Thank you so much :)

[@BitesizedAudio]

You're welcome Cenk. I recall you're one of several listeners who requested another Father Brown, so hope you enjoy!

[@wrcnkk]

Exactly! I really love to listen to his stories. So, I can improve myself. Also I want to read his all books and translate them into my native language. Believe me, you contribute to my studies. It is so valuable for me. Thank you so much again :)

[@TheLeonhamm]

Few narrators today can capture the punctiliously odd character of this little gem offered by GKC; you do - admirably, yes, just so, admirably. Great stuff (as ever). Cheers! ;o)

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thank you!

[@kathleenstetler609]

Yes. Agree entirely. Thanks

[@saran.4001]

Yes, I agree, and i am learning the pronunciation of certain words in novels. I have never gotten pince-nez correct. It is not done here, but in other narrations.

[@pathare2658]

@@BitesizedAudio q¹¹¹q++¹¹we

[@rattyrachel4316]

A masterful read; love Father Brown and his never ending adventures! Trouble seems to dog his every step, but he always takes it in stride! Dear Simon, this one gets four out of four rats from me! Equivalent to four out of four stars, but just a squeak better.🐭🐭🐭🐭!Thank you for entertaining me this beautiful Sunday in the Deep South of the USA where the magnolias are in full bloom!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Excellent, glad to know you enjoyed it. Thanks Rachel

[@tomcurran1538]

It deserves 5 mint juleps.

[@aclark903]

Alas, only 53 adventures. Chesterton got promoted & is now swapping fishing stories with St Peter.

[@charlotteillustration5778]

I remember being read this story at school, many, many years ago and not guessing the solution. Thank you, I so enjoyed hearing it again, and narrated so well!

[@BitesizedAudio]

So glad to know that, thanks for listening Charlotte, and for your kind comments

[@scoutrifle6827]

Always love Chesterton, and a performance by Simon only makes it extra-more-better-er!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Why, thank you!

[@hannahreynolds7611]

The ending of this is pure joy! Thank you for your excellent reading, Simon.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Appreciated, thanks Hannah. Yes indeed, I did enjoy Father Brown's parting words!

[@fiftysomething7199]

Always a treat. Thank you.

[@johnga911]

Finally getting into Chesterton thanks to these, thanks and great as always!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Great to hear!

[@leebrockbank5813]

Thank you. Can’t wait to listen

[@KiKiabout]

Love... Thank you!

[@SholaT39]

Thank you; been waiting with bated ‘ears’ for this latest reading. I’m commenting ahead of listening because I already know it will be perfect from your skill and talent🙏🏾🎉

[@eddiemunster2196]

At the end all you can do is laugh ' with what Father Brown said and walking out you could just imagine the look on the men's faces. And I just started to laugh to the uploader and to Simon thank you for another great story

[@BitesizedAudio]

You're most welcome, thanks Eddie

[@jacqui7672]

Thank you immensely.

[@dranimations7902]

The master criminal in this sounds like an interesting character in addition to Father Brown himself.

[@johnhannay16]

Flambeau appears in other FB stories.

[@aclark903]

@@johnhannay16 And has his own page on Wikipedia.

[@tonyrawlinson8894]

Well read; a particular favourite of mine. Chesterton showing a criminal taking advantage of the flaws in the English social class system, as he did in "The Invisible Man." Another Father Brown I'd like to hear is "The Eye of Apollo", not least because I'd be interested in how you do Kalon's invocations to the sun! Both "Feet' and "Apollo" were superbly dramatised on the radio with a brilliant Andrew Sachs as Father Brown. There was also an early 70s radio version of "Feet" with Leslie French, which had Willie Rushton as a narrating GK Chesterton, a conceit which worked well. I've also recently watched a faithful 1974 Kenneth More TV adaptation of "Apollo". He really was a fine Father Brown.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thank you Tony. Yes indeed, I heard a few of the Andrew Sachs radio adaptations, though not The Queer Feet (I don't think, anyway), a few years ago, and enjoyed them very much. I also liked the Kenneth More versions, although again it's some years since I saw them. I'll add 'The Eye of Apollo' to my list! I've a few other Father Browns already on my listener/channel member request list... 'The Wrong Shape' and 'The Oracle of the Dog' being two I've in mind for the not too distant future... are they favourites of yours too? I'll get around to them all as soon as I can! Thanks for your support

[@esterherschkovich6499]

Let me pop and make a cuppa so I can listen..Thank you✨🌹Made it,its raining in London,glad am inside to chill and listen.

[@BitesizedAudio]

It seems to be raining in most places in the UK, most of the time, just at the moment! Thanks Stella

[@rahawa774]

All day! It's going to be wet all week too, so we can get stuck into lots of lovely audiobooks... :)

[@mariameere5807]

@@rahawa774 I can hear it pelting down in Buckets right now! I love the rain in London, I come from Ireland, originally, where it rains a lot more! That’s why I love when it rains here! It’s just another excuse for another story! ☔️

[@rahawa774]

@@mariameere5807 Same! (I mean, I can hear the rain drumming on the roof). I'm Australian, so this wet weather is still a bit of a luxury for me... it's such a comforting sound, isn't it? My sister's living in Limerick atm - hopefully I can visit her there soon :)

[@mariameere5807]

@@rahawa774 oh my God! I Came to Ireland when I was three from America, but my brothers were born in Limerick city hospital, the nearest maternity hospital to us in County Clare! That’s the west coast where we have wild dolphins et cetera! I came here when I was 15 and I love the sound of rain as well! At night I sleep and meditate to the sound of rain on KZbin with subliminal messages! I would love to see Australia but I don’t think I could cope with the heat! Even England is too hot for me in the summer with my Celtic blood! I prefer autumn and spring! I was born in October so I always loved autumn and I am an air sign Libra so I love when it’s windy! I hope you will be happy here in London and that you will enjoy Ireland. It has completely transformed since I left around 2000, it looks more like California now but the government have stopped more houses being built so that it looks like Ireland in the future! Nice to have met you! Angel blessings! 🌹🧚🏻‍♀️✨👑✨🧚🏻‍♀️🌹

[@marenlatham4349]

That was delightful! I love good ol' GK!

[@ROXI-zq4fg]

Wonderful as always ! Thank you!

[@wherethecrowflies1965]

Excellent

[@shannondore]

Very much liked this Father Brown story. I'll have to check out your others as well. Thanks Simon for another good one.😊

[@BitesizedAudio]

Glad to know that Shannon, hope you enjoy the others too! I'm intending to do more from this series in the future

[@possumaintdead]

Ah, good to hear you, and Father Brown, again! So frustrating though not to know what the villain confessed! Still, excellent work on both your and Chesterton’s parts! Thank you!

[@otempora5799]

A delight to hear your wonderful reading of a fine Father Brown story! Thank you, Simon!

[@BitesizedAudio]

You're most welcome, glad you enjoyed it!

[@DeWin157]

I love the Father Brown series on American PBS.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Is that the British (BBC) production with Mark Williams? I must confess I haven't seen it, it's shown at rather an odd time (early afternoon) here in the UK. It's obviously very popular as it's been running a long time now

[@nancyM1313]

@@BitesizedAudio My introduction to Father Brown. Yes, its very popular here on PBS. With Mark Williams. Cheers🌻

[@DeWin157]

@@BitesizedAudio It is indeed, Mark Williams portrays Father Brown very well, like C.K. Chesterton wrote the character expressively for him. He was also excellent as Father Weasley in the Harry Potter movie, again, as if J.K. Rowling wrote the character for him.

[@DeWin157]

@@nancyM1313 One of my favorite shows.

[@nancyM1313]

@@DeWin157 Mark is wonderful and totally agree with you of his portrayal of the Weasley's Dad. Have a great week ahead Dean Winchester. P.s. "No chick flick." 🥧

[@annetteeggett2802]

How wonderful! I want to visit the hotel and play havoc. Thank you ! ♥️🖤

[@johnhannay16]

One of the cleverest detective stories ever.

[@AnaxErik4ever]

Always a treat to hear BAC narrate Father Brown stories.

[@marisadallavalle393]

I am listening to it again. I still think it's the best of all stories, and of course the narrator is totally perfect. Thank you. Again.

[@SophieBird07]

Loved this. Descriptions were great! Narrator as well. Going to listen again. Thank you!

[@BitesizedAudio]

So glad you enjoyed it Sophia, thanks for listening!

[@elevers]

No one questions a man carrying a pizza......

[@PhilowenAster]

I absolutely love how...sweetly acerbic G.K. Chesterton can be. And Father Brown throws shade like an absolute *champion*. That parting shot...wow.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Yes indeed, it's great line!

[@jimlaguardia8185]

I wish GKC, wherever he is, could read these comments, thus seeing how much appreciated are his literary efforts of a century ago, while human society was still sane.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thank you Jim, appreciated! Although I have to admit that, when these stories were first published, human society was only a couple of years away from starting the First World War! It seems the same mistakes are often made throughout history and we're slow to learn...

[@philipmoss5077]

Currently my favourite channel. Can I put in a plea for the works of J S Fletcher; only two hundred or so titles so lots to chose from.

[@hannahreynolds7611]

I've not read (to my knowledge) any of his works. After a quick Google I've added him to my list - thank you.

[@philipmoss5077]

@@hannahreynolds7611 The Talleyrand Maxim is amongst his best, I think.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thanks Philip! Yes, indeed. In fact I'm glad to say Fletcher is already on my list of authors I'd like to cover at some point later this year... Funnily enough I read (or re-read, to be accurate) one of his novels, 'The Yorkshire Moorland Mystery', while I was recuperating from my recent wisdom tooth operation, and it prompted me to add him to my list. I've bookmarked a few of his short stories as possibles, I hope to get round to some of them before too long. Thanks for the suggestion!

[@philipmoss5077]

@@BitesizedAudio I enjoyed the Tallyrand Maxim if you've not read it. Good northern character type casting, 'appen.

[@bobbeyderbrain]

I say, Simon. That's an attention grabbing title. But my mind is made up - I shall resist until I can stand the wait no longer. (So probably about 5 minutes.) 😉 ❤

[@BitesizedAudio]

I thought you might appreciate it Bob! Hope you enjoy it whenever you listen...

[@bobbeyderbrain]

@@BitesizedAudio Every foot tells a story?! Or so it seems. I marvel every time at your delicious voice - and, on this evidence, your feet must be very lovely. ❤

[@bonniebarbee7984]

I have recently found your stories and am in love with the way you tell them I can’t wait to listen to them all . Thank you

[@kaf890890]

Sorry my membership expired! I just re-upped, as they say. Thank you for the wonderful readings and the great stories! Be well 😁

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thanks so much for your renewed membership, I really appreciate your support. Lovely to hear from you, I recall you mentioned you had a big house move coming up? I hope that went smoothly!

[@kaf890890]

@@BitesizedAudio How kind of you to remember, and thank you for asking! It was terrible. The truck blew up. I broke my ankle. But we love love love our new house, and are so glad we moved to Connecticut. 😁🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

[@BitesizedAudio]

Oh dear, that does sound stressful. I do hope your ankle recovers quickly and that you're back on your feet soon. And glad to know that you love the new house, that's the main thing! Best wishes

[@kaf890890]

@@BitesizedAudio Thank you!

[@TeenStoryTime]

Another Father Brown story! Enjoyed this story very much: well read.

[@appalachianamerican7171]

Thanks for another great story Mr. Simon. 👍👍

[@BitesizedAudio]

Pleasure - thanks for listening!

[@TheMrCougarful]

This story is funny as hell. Greatly enjoyed the on-point narration.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for listening

[@kirpalani-griffin3706]

Nothing too queer about this; it was great as always! Thank you. My Mum is Irish and used to use the expression "The queer one" often. She was also gay, but didn't mean it that way. : - ) >

[@zelma2832]

I Love the Father Brown series on Acorn!

[@kellygnow1]

Thank you

[@marisadallavalle393]

Oh thank you! Superb.

[@BitesizedAudio]

You're welcome. Thank you!

[@keshaheffron4425]

Excellent!

[@josephwilliams7995]

I'm delighted to have found this treasure. Father Brown is such an interesting character. Just finished The Blue Cross and thoroughly enjoyed it. We listened at bedtime last night and are enjoying a story at lunch today. Wonderful narration really brings the story to life.

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thank you Joseph, appreciated

[@sonnetlikely]

I am new to these stories and have laughed far more than I ever expected to. Delightful! Thank you!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Glad to know that. Yes, Chesterton is a very witty writer

[@bobnewmanknott3433]

You did it again Bravo (I know I am still a week behind but it means I have something to look forward to next Sunday ) You are a Gem !!

[@BitesizedAudio]

Thanks Bob!

[@audiobooksaudible]

Yesterday at a restaurant..... A beautiful young girl came towards me and said. "Are you single?" I happily said , "Yes" . . . Then she took an extra chair from my table for her boyfriend 😢😭😭

[@roarroar2808]

First time enjoyed it very much Thank you 😊😊

[@BitesizedAudio]

Excellent, glad to know that! Thanks for listening

[@squarerootof2]

Quite a "modern" title for this old story!

[@SuperBartles]

15 fingers on one hand? Blimey (4:01) Very enjoyable, sir, by the way. Many thanks

[@sumazdar]

dziękuję

[@lyndaa7560]

I love Father Brown.

[@johnnyrockabilly4962]

Fish pie hahaha

[@BitesizedAudio]

One of my favourites!

[@anthonyochocki6535]

Enjoyable performance, this read. And, 'Ah, dear Father Brown and G.K. Chesterton'; have always enjoyed the author's succinct analysis and observations; but since 1st introduced to them both, when still a boy; always carried that intellectual ennui that both the author and this particular character were in a saddened fact---more a 'spin doctor' for an Order that is a Twin, a mirror's reflection to that which he and his creation cast their combined glaze. LoL. Over the last 20 years or so, what with the World's and Church's 'unprincipled chagrin's----lurking about; 'JUST' how quaint or quaintly 'hypocritical' would be---what some from the start called a kevetching---would indeed hold in the 21st Century. LoL....

[@tomcurran1538]

Simon, Greg, Ian, and Jan are the only narrators to listen to on KZbin. I cringe at the Librovox readings.

[@sittnknittnwatchn3980]

💙📚🎙💙

[@pb3biggestfan545]

Please do the flying stars❤

[@nunyabidness5375]

One of those that's hard to explain to the wife when found in the history folder

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

Did this narrator do the voice for Mr. Peabody? (Rocky & Bullwinkle).

[@BitesizedAudio]

I'm afraid I didn't, although funnily enough you're not the first to ask!

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

@@BitesizedAudio good company.

[@williamhagen2792]

GKC was 286-pounds; 350 is more likely.

[@Nathalie19658]

This story could have been written yesterday

[@mayday6916]

They could at least have said "Thank you" to Father Brown. Hmph. 🧐

[@galinda6504]

This was probably another well-read clever story by G.K. Chesterton, but the audio was so blurry and bad that I couldn't hear more than half of it. Pity.

[@BitesizedAudio]

I'm sorry to hear that. The audio sounds clear at my end, I just double checked it (and I certainly checked it very carefully during the edit before uploading). It may have been a problem with your internet connection, in which case I hope it's only temporary and hope it sounds better at another time

[@superdragons111andwolfgame7]

Was it just his feet that was queer or was the rest of him queer too?

[@tomcurran1538]

"The Catholic Church, which is wary of common sense." LOL

[@OnceTheyNamedMeiWasnt]

This weekend. Or next weekend?

[@BitesizedAudio]

It depends when you're asking I suppose! And the context. On a week day, if it wasn't clearly past tense I'd think of "this weekend" as "the weekend coming up"... but perhaps that's just me

[@OnceTheyNamedMeiWasnt]

That's an excellent answer, thank you. I suppose it also depends on what I'm asking as well. I'll need to take some time to reflect on this further. Great story as usual by the way.

[@mervinaharris1776]

This just came up via tube on my phone, I used to watch Father Brown via cable, but I haven't got cable anymore, so I'm eleted to find this .Thank you.👍💯🇯🇲.

[@dawndubsky4641]

Sorry. As an English lit teacher I find this author tedious and boring with long, endless descriptions, not for beauty or setting but for shere, rambling filler...like someone who just loves to hear himself speak yet contributes nothing. I've tried three of these shorts and they are all the same to me. The narrator did his best and I commend him.

[@EVERTONFC.]

Is this a computer narrator ? I can't take it seriously.

[@whatanonsense856]

You refer to the narrator's way of ending many sentences in a similar level of tone, I assume? It did strike me as odd when I first heard it, but I can't say that I find it bothersome.