"The REAL Reasons Why Being NICE LEADS TO REJECTION" | Marisa Peer

[@devilynorseske5004]

When I started setting boundaries with friends and family. All of a sudden I was labeled a difficult person because they couldnt take advantage of me. I felt better about myself when I said no.

[@MolloyPolloy]

Eaten bread is soon forgotten.

[@MarisaPeer]

💛

[@newmercies1]

I remember a chinese colleague of mine who was extremely manipulative and mean although always with a smile, she will ask for favours and work to be done by others yet when I tested her to take some work back she would not accept to do so. On top of it she was a bully and once shout out: Ohh you are so difficult to work with. My answer was: Of course I am with a smile. And that was there...if this happens to you remember you are a child of God too, that does not mean you should take everybody's shit just because you are a faithful and good person at the bottom. Yes Jesus said love your enemy but he did not say "be naive". Some people you just have to "love" from a distance, pray for them but keep your distance and save yourself the toxicity. It doesn't even matter if they will notice your changed behaviour while they are busy chasing their selfish goals, you've got to do it for yourself, your inner self will congratulate you for doing it. Stand up for yourself no matter what the cost, it is worth it. That being said, be wise about it, choose your battles wisely and with people that it makes a difference. Ignore the rest and walk away.

[@waitwhat6882]

Yes, same here. They were all angry but that’s because we changed the paradigm and family dynamics and said no to them taking advantage of us. They hate that we have empowered ourselves.

[@AwakenThyself]

100 % AGREE. Family can be the worst...very cruel.

[@Mamia209]

Soon as I realized there is someone who will never leave nor betray me, I became confident and stronger. It was total peace and freedom! That person is me 🙂.

[@fortunatebeing-pcos]

Love this

[@aracelihernandez5221]

👌

[@susanb5058]

Emma that’s awesome!

[@Mamia209]

@@susanb5058 Sure is! Though I rely on myself, I still am learning to receive help when offered and ask if I need it. As to being abandoned and betrayed, there's no guarantee it won't happen again but it's NBD (no big deal) knowing I have my back. 🫂

[@susanb5058]

@@Mamia209 sounds like a very healthy mindset! I find it really hard to ask for help too.. it’s all a learning process.

[@lexiemaep7930]

Boundaries are attractive. People don't marry nice people. They marry people with strong boundaries, unless they are a narcissist. Narcissists love people pleasers. Have strong boundaries, it is more attractive.

[@larissagonzales6075]

I find the opposite true. People with boundaries are less likely to settle for BS.

[@Pimp-Master]

True ‘dat...

[@The5DFeminine]

This is FACTS!!

[@JohnDoe-jn4ex]

Just the tip?

[@elizabethdevries8028]

Thank you!

[@hyperxx99]

You give people an inch they take a mile. I always set healthy boundaries to protect myself from manipulation.

[@veroniquehoflack4910]

It is so true !

[@mistyf3612]

How do you set those healthy boundaries? I struggle with that.. can you give an example

[@veroniquehoflack4910]

@@mistyf3612 I recognize the signs that my whole body sends me when someone is pushing it or trying to steal my energy and positivity. I have learned to listen to my inner voice/ my instinct and i have learned to leave politely, to say no and sometimes run away.

[@mirelam9601]

I try to learn this.

[@patriciax3677]

Unfortunately not enough females are good at this. I appreciate so much feminist writings in the 70’s . It helped me b so much smarter and stronger and that enabled me to recognize all the mister wrongs and appreciate the mister right when we met and got to know each other. It’s been a satisfying happy 40 + years I wish it for everyone. Pat

[@sanchagaspard]

Toxic niceness is a real thing. You give and give and give at the expense of your time, comfort and happiness to people who are never satisfied, and at the end of the day, everyone is miserable! If everyone is going to be unhappy in spite of your efforts, you have an obligation to do what's best for you. Self concern is not selfishness and selflessness is only wonderful when gifted to those who deserve it. I've spent years trying to unlearn being a total people pleaser by practicing the art of saying NO, sometimes even when I wanted to say yes. I'm sooooo happy now and so is everyone around me because I'm not the resentful, angry, overwhelmed, unappreciated person that I used to be. I love and respect myself and others enough to say no...no explanation, excuses or approval necessary.

[@waitwhat6882]

That is awesome!!!

[@debbiedebbie9473]

Omg this is good advice.

[@alysiahite12]

"Self concern" is so good.

[@norm1815]

Amen

[@norm1815]

It's never your responsibility to rescue others from their irresponsibility

[@user-lk1qx7gb5o]

There's a huge difference between being nice and being a door mat.

[@mjmcneilrobinson5551]

Maybe but not by much

[@DRUMJUNKIE]

being kind instead of being nice...makes a big difference for me.

[@thomas.thomas]

@@mjmcneilrobinson5551 yes there is a big difference, just because you are nice doesn't mean you can't also hold people accountable

[@xeray6032]

That has to be understood on both sides of the interaction, sadly many people are not equipped to understand one is nice and not a doormat. I have often seen very surprised looks on other people's faces when they finally 'get' the message.

[@indraramrattan6552]

People love people Who is door mat

[@la124]

Don't be nice, I have been disrespected by so many people in my life as a result of my boring niceness.

[@yvasquez2449]

people can confuse niceness with stupidity or passivity, we can get confused ourselves sometimes ....I mean sometimes we think we are just been nice but in fact we were afraid to stand up for ourselves or to rock the boat and people can smell that in the air.

[@kathyinwonderlandl.a.8934]

Same

[@milliem8051]

Same here... I will be nice but I’m not going to let people walk all over me.

[@yvasquez2449]

@@milliem8051 you don’t suppose to...

[@milliem8051]

@@yvasquez2449 I can be nice/friendly but not to my detriment. I try to recognize red flags when someone’s trying to take advantage and my niceness stops. Works for me.

[@veroniquehoflack4910]

If you were bullied as a child, you are more likely to be unreasonably nice.

[@yvasquez2449]

Better known as people’s pleaser...happens a lot

[@antilaw9911]

Very not true

[@avicennitegh1377]

@@antilaw9911 " more likely"

[@Janeway1269]

Truth

[@suzy6251]

Because you are trying to ensure your safety. People 'people please' for a reason, plus often feel they are not entitled to set boundaries, or don't know how, since they were never allowed to set them in childhood

[@navinebaskerville2350]

Thanks for this advice! My niceness has left me poor, depressed, lonely, and sick! I am 73 and finally ready to say YES to myself! We can't love others until we love ourselves.

[@MarisaPeer]

Loving yourself is so important. Sending you love and support. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@daniellauntaru5614]

🤗❤

[@margotsteele2855]

I am the same as you and just a year younger too. We must be strong and love ourselves. It is never too late. X

[@laurenvega-cruz4718]

Nothing works for me. I'm in a wheelchair and caregivers steady take advantage. If I set boundaries the company says I'm being abusive. The company doesn't know that the caregivers are getting paid for nothing while I suffer. If my cats didn't need me I'd kill myself.

[@alishaanimations3058]

@@laurenvega-cruz4718 maybe marisa’s videos will help you :(

[@rivkaruthgolan]

There are people who get pleasure rejecting people. No one admits it.

[@bridgeofpeace5697]

NARCISSISTS

[@madelinebigio7565]

Absolutely the truth Amen

[@madelinebigio7565]

Absolutely the truth Amen

[@yvasquez2449]

Low self esteem can lead to a lot of things. People can act out their lack of self worth by bullying others, harassment, aggression, coercion, rejection...in that way they can achieve some sense of self power they cannot get in any other way. Don’t take it personally because it is not about you.

[@Mamia209]

@@yvasquez2449 I agree 👍 I admit I reject and am also rejected but that's life. I've enforced my self esteem and confidence to accept rejection.

[@BeyondTheLiteral]

"People who are EVOLVED can speak the TRUTH." So many quotes in this video! "Want to be nice? Be nicer to yourself."

[@humbleweare]

yes these quotes are Beyond the Literal! Be well!

[@AW2011S]

I put my ex's wants and needs and feelings first for 9 years and then I wondered why he put me 2nd when it was me putting me 2nd so I finally walked away after 9 years and I'm happier now.

[@MarisaPeer]

Well done for having the strength to walk away and put yourself first. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@AW2011S]

@@MarisaPeer thanks, Marisa helped me to realise this last year x

[@TanzaniteHayley]

I did the same but he had so little respect for me he went first 🤣

[@AW2011S]

@@TanzaniteHayley I learned how to deal with difficult people better because of staying too long somewhere where I wasn't valued. Life lessons eh! 😁

[@TanzaniteHayley]

@@AW2011S I did too, I don’t even think I realised I was unhappy until he left 😪 I put my children and him first so my needs didn’t come into the equation. He knew, he called it. Out of all the hate, arguments, point scoring and nastiness, he said to me ‘but it’s not like you were happy’. Probably the only thing he said in a 3-6month period that actually struck a chord. He was right.

[@howoriginal1986]

I grew up with very strict parents and I was bullied all up till high school. Everyone I've dated has taken advantage of me and complained that I'm too nice. It's difficult to say no and stand my ground, but I'm committed to it! I want to put myself first for once.

[@lydiawilkss]

it’s completely worth it. You are completely worth it! The people around you can’t see how good you are, LET them miss out!! Wishing you the best ✨

[@AW2011S]

The hardest thing to do when you have always done what everyone else wanted you to do, is to think about what YOU want; what you like doing, what your goals are etc. I would start first, writing down what I want and what my ideal life would look like and I would then focus on making that a reality. When you make your happiness a priority, it will be easier to say no.

[@yvasquez2449]

Growing up with difficult parents and difficult friends can really silence our own voice. To avoid conflict, to avoid arguments, confrontation and even to get some love back we learn to say yes all the time...we become a people’s pleaser. Even when that behaviour is no longer necessary, we carry on with this pattern. The first thing is to become aware of it and I think you have, so well done you...you are in the road to recovery. Remember, it is not a straight line and is not a one way road, some days you will find yourself doing it again. Don’t beat yourself up for it, think you are learning.

[@AhmetKaan]

*If you are reading this, never ever give up. We will succeed. I'm cheering for you!* Have a great day! 🖤

[@Quietriot1970]

Thankyou You too ! Stay BLessed 😊

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Yes have a great day too🧚‍♀️

[@milapandus8838]

Thank you! I’m studying for a difficult exam in August. This really helps! :)

[@shylendrah3042]

Thank you 😊

[@katyjoy544]

Thank you sweetheart😊

[@suziechampagne357]

Why justify yourself when saying no ? It just opens the door to negociation and crossing of bounderies. "No" is a complete sentence in itself.

[@Sarablueunicorn]

But sometimes "no" alone is used as a tool of power. For example, a child asks a parent if they can do something and parent says "no", child asks why and parent says "because i said no". They that No can be used as control and tool power. So if you have a valid reason to say no you can actually say it, even if the reason is "i don't want to".

[@lanakruczynski2590]

Perfect, really need to work on this tho.

[@magichappenswithyou]

The word 'no' is my favourite. When I say, 'No' to others, I say, 'Yes' to myself.

[@toscadonna]

As soon as I had enough and stopped accepting any bullshit, that’s when the dates dried up. Shows you just how predatory the dating world is.

[@alysiahite12]

Me too. I don't do on line dates anymore. Most are liers and cheaters. 🙄

[@norm1815]

@@alysiahite12 Men and women both

[@Pimp-Master]

Dating is very looks oriented and way surface only.

[@sdla690]

Only go out with ppl who make you comfortable to be yourself, don't give exception, not worth it.

[@VeledaG]

Very true. But there are nice men out there but these are rare.

[@BeyondTheLiteral]

"YOU can only LOVE someone to the degree that YOU love yourself." MIC DROP

[@drinasun6984]

When I started to set boundaries, my classmates and peers started losing power once they realized they couldn't take advantage of me anymore.

[@jacynthetofcrazycreations4869]

My ex ignored me. He taught my kids to ignore me. I remember saying so much " What part of NO do you not understand; The N or the O?" After 22 years I left. I'm 100% better off without the negativity that was literally killing me.

[@Yulamah]

Feeling that. All they wanted was the baby production, after that they were like worst enemy on steroids. Turned out i didn't recognise myself from their description. Cost me my family and reputation

[@TokioTE]

Happy for you :)

[@johnmills3163]

" NO " is the most the important word in any language. When you get comfortable saying "NO" you will be more comfortable, & in control of your life !

[@QUINTUSMAXIMUS]

Yeah, I said "no" to someone. Someone who didn't reply to a message I sent months ago, messaged me and asked if I could check her documents for grammar. I was like "nope". I don't have time for people who remember because they need something plus I have my own needs these days, can't spread my self thin.

[@karenj1818]

OMG,wish I had heard this many years ago,would have saved me from so much BS i experienced.But never too late to learn.

[@MaryJohnson777]

All people and especially kids need this kind of self-respect training on thought process.

[@williamphilology9218]

I do think some people enjoy rejecting others. They are called narcissists.

[@sarahnamazzi8855]

I also believe some pipo enjoy rejecting others. But in the end what goes around comes around. Bad things start happening to them who r bad.

[@r.p.8906]

Being nice is someone’s judgement. It’s nothing but a perception. Being in integrity is where the true power is. It prevents manipulation by others and it’s the only way to success

[@melissaszarka5718]

Its a line I must remember..."Thanks for sharing". It takes away the power to hurt you. 😊

[@MarisaPeer]

💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@almayelmaz9689]

From today I will stop making people takes advantage from me .

[@MarisaPeer]

💖

[@Momo-lv4kn]

Have never allowed, boundaries.

[@irresistiblep0]

Saying No i found is one of the most difficult things yet one of the most important ones to learn. I wish someone thought me this years ago. When you know plp are manipulating you but you still feel guilty saying NO, you really need professional help!

[@pantherman8719]

Usually that happens early in life like when getting bullied or doing things for family members even when it's wrong.

[@RADPerez-hk4iq]

People mistaken our kindness as a weakness

[@KELLS_NOVELS]

I find it out later, but better late than never. Thank you MP, for reminding me 🙏🏻. I’ve stopped being nice to the wrong ppl, I just decided that I don’t need their bad energies. I AM ENOUGH. ❤️❤️

[@MarisaPeer]

Yes, you are. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@juliedavison3563]

This is me too I’ve started mentally pretending they don’t even exist !!! Feel so much stronger now when around those people it works 🙂

[@KELLS_NOVELS]

@@juliedavison3563 🙏🏻

[@veljabgd2032]

I was bullied at school. I thought they were having fun all the time, and I needed years to realise that the boy who bullied me the most was actually so unhappy. Now he lives abroad and is someone who thinks Hitler was the best thing that ever happened to this world...... Thank you Marisa! ❤️🍀💯🎉🐦

[@MarisaPeer]

💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@NutsaChubinidze]

"Till you can say no, yes has no meaning" oh my God this really hit me

[@MarisaPeer]

It's a heavy statement of truth, isn't it? 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@babysoundsaway]

People liking you as socas u say NO- But is necessary.....

[@sampatchand5915]

The number of views in just 8 hours shows people wanted to listen to this 👍

[@MarisaPeer]

Truly. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@jarvisblay6043]

@@MarisaPeer I personally agree 👍 with you one hundred percent 💯 👌.... 👌 👍..... If you actually listen to a person's conversation one hundred of the times you can actually get a picture 📷 exactly what that person is actually about, It's just the matter of listening to your gut feeling......You can walk away or choose to go with the flow just to see 👀 if that enter feeling was speaking volumes ?

[@rapunzel2266]

I just realized I don't have much self love because I always put others needs first....ALWAYS. I'm learning daily how to make myself happy.

[@christineeleonorepoppe6745]

I've been the nice girl since my childhood...until the noment i changed because i got diagnosed with depressions and i had to start thinking about me and my mental health...i lost so many so called friend's but im happy and the friend's who stayed with me are also there for me when i need them the same way I'm for them...I'm polite and friendly but I also put myself and my little girl above anyone else...self-love and self-respect are so important

[@MarisaPeer]

Sending you and your daughter love and support. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@victoriaalgra3675]

I love when you refer to little baby’s ..you’re so right about them they are honest. We need to be more like baby’s. Seriously self preservation starts with saying no and feeling good about self love and care💕

[@MarisaPeer]

They are a good example of perfect self preservation. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@brendaleverick3655]

You're right. I was SO nice to my former neighbors, giving them things all the time. Did it make them like me? No. I've recently moved, and have learned my lesson. I won't be mean or unkind, but I just won't be so freaking NICE! 💁🏼

[@MarisaPeer]

💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@popkultureentertainment324]

Why do people equate being nice with buying friendship (which is what you tried to do) or never saying no or going out of your way to please everyone ? Don't try to make people like you.

[@pantherman8719]

I had similar problems with some neighbors. Made my life hell...I even tried talking to them and they pretended to be nice like 'oh nooo we don't have any problems.' But would never tell me what I'm doing wrong. Instead they bitched about it (Walls were like paper).... I moved out as soon as my lease ended.

[@pianotnt]

my late brother always had this saying about being the middle person not too nice and not to mean he also had this other saying wise as serpents gentle as doves I haven't forgot it

[@waitwhat6882]

I absolutely love Marissa Peer. She is full of wisdom. I wish I could afford her hypnotherapy sessions

[@AW2011S]

If you sign up on her website she sometimes emails special offers.

[@intuitivetasha113]

Me too 🥺

[@salwahigazi]

I live on a budget

[@Jacquepixie]

Me too! 💫

[@soniagrindstaff2416]

Yes so would I. She deserves what she charges, unfortunately living on ssdi just no room for extra 😟

[@thendrix58]

I enjoyed this video and LEARNED SO MUCH!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the push to FINALLY stop the YEARS of people-pleasing I have been doing. I'm a 63 young at heart wife/mom/daughter/sister who is exhausted from family situations. "Don't worry. Terry will take care of it," will be answered with, "Nah, today isn't a good day for that," etc. Big hug from Louisiana, USA!

[@highplainsdrifter699]

The word..... NO.... Is a complete sentence . It's the most powerful word in our vocabulary.

[@cpbeauvoir]

Your voice alone is so soothing and healing to me 🙏🏿

[@melissaszarka5718]

Your feelings are the most real thing you have. Great reminder.

[@C2yourself]

Being polite, well mannered, compassionate and helpful comes naturally for most people. I had to learn to say no and set boundaries. It feels much better

[@LisaAnnValavaara]

I have been having trouble not feeling guilty about putting myself first, this is great reassurance that I do not have to feel guilty for that !

[@deniseleondis499]

Amen! Change your beginning not your ending.: break the cycle

[@dokidoki719]

I am a doctor and my people pleasing disorder has effected me to such an extent that I feel like I have no use in life if even one of my patients mistreat me...and as people in healthcare know patients who are in pain often act out. So I spend days questioning my own self worth. Going therapy now but it still happens all the time.

[@victorias8592]

I work in A&E as a nursing assistant. Like you I’ve been such a people pleaser all my life, and as healthcare professionals we are obliged to be nice and take peoples crap aren’t we? Being the walking embodiment of compassion is rammed down our throats, yet I often feel ‘where is the compassion for us’? I’ve taken so much crap from others I’ve now got to the point that I will say to a patient ‘ please don’t be rude to me’ etc. A lot of patients think they can just speak to us like dirt 😧 As do, staff senior to myself. Certain nurses and doctors think their more senior position entitles them to speak down to me as if I don’t matter, like I’m something they just stepped in. Awful. It’s made me feel so hopeless and like I’m worth nothing. So I understand how you feel ✨ I wish you all the best x

[@intuitivetasha113]

Wow you should really think about having a private session with miss Peer... she can help you in a very short amount of time !!! Good grief how tragic for you. 🥺

[@timeascause7431]

Thank you for sharing. I can relate

[@nosequeloque]

@@victorias8592 I finished my nursing prereqs and after working in the medical industry and being the punching bag of toxic patients, doctors, families, insurance people, I no longer want to be a nurse. The medical industry drained me too much

[@shirleycolee1]

One thing I learned to do is what I call the 'velvet no'. Thank you so much for asking me, but I'm going to decline.' My first breakthrough was deferring: "Let me think about it and get back to you if I decide I'm interested (or decide I can help you, etc.). If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, you'll know I'm not going to participate.

[@Catcan1668]

Great responses!!

[@Msfruity44]

This is so really good.🌺 I personally wouldn’t say ‘thank you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ while setting healthy boundaries. There’s something about saying that before or after setting a boundary that seems disingenuous. I had such an abusive background, from a little girl - people seemed to take advantage of my kindness. So I learned to be a pleaser. So Ive learned to cherish and honor my kindness by first modeling kindness for myself because I deserve to be kind to myself. Much love to everyone!🙏🏽😇

[@MarisaPeer]

Thank you for sharing your experience 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@sheilapw1]

Such an important lesson and so eloquently expressed by the lovely Marisa. I think that many of us as children were taught we needed to be pleasers and put others needs before our own in order to be loved or liked and accepted. The most damaging outcome was that no matter how hard we tried, there was always something we did wrong or not well enough and the acceptance and love was never to be achieved. We can go through life feeling empty, sad and depressed without realizing where these feelings are coming from.

[@MarisaPeer]

Thank you so much for saying so and what a great insight ❤️ Marisa Peer Team

[@debrac4635]

Saved this under “Motivation”! Loving yourself means saying no sometimes....No to them and Yes 🙌🏻 to you!

[@lucymcnamara4558]

I’ve bagged niceness for good. My only regret was that i didn’t do it 30 years earlier.

[@MarisaPeer]

At least you are where you need to be now, though. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@nikkic4661]

I'm really through with most people. I get shunned by everyone. I'm tired of being caring and nice. I only trust a few.

[@gingerakalala]

Sometimes you gotta love harder. Love is our identity. Love can stand alone. Bless you

[@eliziadossantos6901]

I have learned in the hardest way!!! Today I’m stand up to myself

[@merrieJ]

Just stumbled across this video and listened through and I am so grateful this crossed my path. 😊💕🌈

[@MarisaPeer]

So wonderful to have you here with us. 💖Marisa Peer Team

[@malaika4158]

I am a victim of a strong African beleive. I have been used but today, I am going to love myself more and more! Thank you my sister from a different lace Amen. Much love your way from Africa. Mwhaaaaaah

[@CrisPisces]

I needed this 20 yrs ago, but I appreciate the advice, and will take my power back!! It comes from childhood rejection!!!❤

[@minimmenon]

Thanks all of you..all the comments are immensely helpful too. And l have been wondering all these years what l have been doing wrong by being nice .....

[@deniseleondis499]

Yes! People will project what’s on the inside.. it’s not about you it’s how they feel about themselves

[@Simonesanderss]

I’ve been thought this a lot lately. I am a very reserved person, and it’s difficult for me to establish friendships. Also because I have some trust issues. But lately I really tried to expose myself more. And it’s being so disappointing. It’s like the more I try to be nice, the less I receive. I don’t know what to do, because it hurts me 😞 I never get the reactions I wanted. I’m just ignored. And that makes me want to close again. The problem is that I give something in the expectation of receiving the same return. In the other day I said in a group conversation: Good morning, I wish you have a good day 🥰. And no one even said anything back. They just ignored me 🥺😭 It’s been a struggle. I need them to accept me, and at the same time, I get hurt and somewhat resentful for their reactions towards me...

[@MarisaPeer]

Learn to love yourself. Those who love themselves naturally attract the right people to love and be with them too. Can we recommend attending Marisa's free "I am enough" webinar if you haven't already. You can find out more about it here - bit.ly/I-am-enough-masterclass-Fb. We hope this helps. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@sharonwanjiru9959]

💝..You won the race to life the day you were conceived.. You deserve to be here!..you matter!!.Now believe that!

[@thembisaodendaal]

It's amazing you've just laid out the problem and the solution..just read again what you said and you will figure out what not to do

[@harrylutz7321]

A very wise women once told me that when you are rejected/abused by people,it’s not that person it’s their demons who do these things.😣👺👹

[@annsherman1925]

Sandra Glidden! Very wise Woman. You all, follow her advise💗, You Filipa Concalves! Your strength is in Him who is Love. Just continue and stand in the light of kindness. You will attract what is good with goodness. The others will fall by the wayside.

[@elizabethdevries8028]

Fabulous. Much needed and I'm 60 with self insight and I am still too nice, too often. I realize I learned this and it was quite ingrained in me as a child growing up. I've had to re-learn how to 'be' and set boundaries and say 'no'. It has been a very healthy shift for me. I need to stop being so nice again now though. THANK YOU.

[@MarisaPeer]

You’re welcome ❤️

[@jojopoeticstyle1224]

This was very helpful. What I’ve noticed is that I became the opposite of my abusers I’m a critical thinker & they tried to wire my little baby brain negatively to cover up the fact that my sister sent my brother after me before I could walk and talk. She made me a perfectionist walker by slapping me and hurting me bad til I walked the way she imagined me walking.

[@CrocPit]

This lady is so “wise” on a very relatable level

[@lisaeve6426]

She is so beautiful inside and out. So gentle and clear. Love her!

[@MarisaPeer]

That’s really kind of you to say ❤️

[@weslynkelly9285]

This is totally me. thank you for sharing i always thought y i feel this way when am being too nice. unhappy and they r happy because u put other people first and they don't have the heart to be nice back to u

[@bria.elis_]

When I started setting boundaries and saying “no” everything changed. People wanted to actually spend time with me and get to know the real me. I gained more recognition as well as respect. I learned to keep my mouth shut from saying every opinion because I knew it didn’t matter what I said-people couldn’t relate to it nor did they want to. It’s interesting how people talk about losing friends doing this, but I experienced the exact opposite.

[@aa.4639]

Interesting

[@elisabethseaton6521]

And I'm thinking that the people who walk away when you regain yourself are only perceived friends. Had they been actual friends they would celebrate your new level of awareness and salute your newfound confidence. So mostly, they saved you the effort of pruning dead branches from the Tree 🌲 of Life.

[@MarisaPeer]

Absolutely. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@babycakes8434]

It is great thing that you said that "you learned to keep your mouth shut, because people don't care about our opinions". I need to remember this for myself. I try to share with people but often I feel like it is waste of my time and my energy.

[@alysiahite12]

My inner peace is most important. Be nice to yourself. Honor yourself. Like yourself. Believe in yourself. Practice saying No. Love it. 😍💪🙏🦋

[@CtrlOptDel]

Only recently I've realised how true this is. I have never deliberately been a needy people pleaser; however, I have the issue of a hyper-sensitive - quite likely narcissistic - mother, and subsequently had gotten into relationships with women with similar dispositions. The problem is that I cannot ever openly feel negative emotions around my mother (& couldn't around said girlfriends either) without her taking them personally; if I'm ever angry, she accuses me of being angry at her, if I am frustrated, she feels persecuted & assumes I'm blaming her, no matter how obvious it may be that the problem is with someone else. When she makes me legitimately angry at her by her behaviour, she then takes that anger as proof of her initial paranoia. Consequently, I have developed a tendency to hide any negativity, no matter how minor, and that makes me come across to others as fake & insincere, and like any positivity is merely a front; it's a bit like trying to "restore" a painting by simply cutting-out the damaged parts, even if someone who views it doesn't know what's missing, they can see the holes and that the image is damaged & incomplete. As I wasn't doing it deliberately, I was genuinely confused for an embarrassingly long time as to why everyone around me (except for long-standing friends I am naturally more relaxed around) seemed to be so uncomfortable in my presence, but I see now how I would come across to others; as I said, fake & insincere, despite that sincerely not being my intent in any way.

[@blackhole_sun3]

As soon as I learnt it's OK to have my own opinion I can do what makes me happy. Instead of lighting myself to warm others (not litteral 😬) I have a voice. Thank you so Much Mrs.Peer For all that you have taught me And if anyone is still reading remember to have a good day, stay awesome and don't let other people depict you. You are awesome Believe it!

[@tracycarolnyonga6201]

Im kind not stupid, i i give or help when i feel.like,if i dont feel like i say" NOOOO" with a smile!😊😊👌

[@cassiemarie859]

I told someone no, at work for putting in the pot for someones birthday because I don't know the person and I can't even eat the cake because I have celiacs and they looked at me crazy. lol Uh, no one at that job cared about me anyway and I'm expected to offer up money for people who don't even know who I am? No, Being nice is no longer it for me,

[@ladymercury7042]

YAAASSSSS!! 👏 I am proud of ya! 💜

[@christinebeames2311]

Yes I was asked to put on for birthdays leaving etc , but my 70 got ignored , it made it easy to refuse from then o.

[@oiputthatback7361]

I saw “ trunkie”, in Aldi’s this afternoon and thought of The Dragons Den , now hear I am listening to Marissa. I ❤️ Marissa

[@MarisaPeer]

That’s really kind of you to say ❤️

[@oiputthatback7361]

@@MarisaPeer it’s the truth 😊❤️, your therapy has helped myself and family members.

[@saidasayh1258]

💖👍👍👍👍👍👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻✌🇺🇸

[@frankfrombrazil]

Hello, Marisa! I had suffered my entire life of this kind of feeling. My thoughts started changing since I've begun watching your wellness videos. Thank you very, very much!

[@rawknvegan1990]

Omg that resonates with me. I have done this all my life and did not realize it until I got in a narcissist relationship last year that rocked my world. But now my eyes are soooooo open and I'm doing the work back to boundaries not being crossed and saying no. Chicago love

[@MarisaPeer]

That's wonderful ❤️

[@Hannah-jk3dk]

People will always want to diminish you. They will say you are a bad team member, you guys are not organised etc. Its true they say your feelings dont matter. Like some1 will say you want your own ways yet they never get your opinion. I will say "thank you 4 sharing". Thank you 4 sharing

[@milliem8051]

I love that, “thanks for sharing” I’m going to remember that

[@svilenaninetta9838]

I am 45 now ..but as far as i can remember i always knew what i want and what i dont want in terms of dealing with others. I was shockingly good in about to say No.And that is amazing ..i keep that to these days. I dont say i cant be weak and emotional ..i just know to say No. Or yes when i feel like that.

[@P0rtugueseRedM00n]

You are very right. Learn to say no, learn to draw boundaries and to remove yourself when necessary

[@len1045678]

From time she open her mouth i knew she was hilarious by the way she speaks, her sarcastic body language, and her confidence. This lady is life she actually made my night

[@jonathanbryant148]

She is like the therapist I've always needed.

[@MarisaPeer]

Thank you for saying so. 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@AmorDivino-e5q]

It's about being ourselves not about being nice.

[@lorettaelainecorson4035]

Marissa Peer really inspires me bc RTT seems to be working well for so many people. And RTT seems to be effectively able to apply in our daily lives. Totally going to do this training in RTT to add to my work/career

[@angel772921]

Wonderful!. Thank you...my No' 's and F offs are now firmly sat at my table from now on...☺

[@trudyletson1264]

love your video's has helped me with my narcissist family thank you

[@cate4338]

This is a great video for those who need it... I remain warm and friendly until the first sign of dealing with self servers who take from others, and those who show a glimpse of having 'two faces'...

[@laurennicolemb702]

Until you can say No, Yes has no meaning. 💯💯💯 I have GOT to work on this!

[@MarisaPeer]

💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@gloriacoleman7012]

This is really good there are so many people who think they are entitled to your time your money your efforts even your food and clothes.

[@erinhappy-go-lucky5040]

Thank you Marissa 🥰! This is just what I needed!

[@MarisaPeer]

💚

[@countcrow]

This is me .. And she's right. I've just been taken advantage of and I've come to learn I've done it to myself

[@EarthQueen-1111]

This is lowkey curing me of my depression. Thank you so much Marisa💛✨

[@OscarRodriguez-cc7mf]

I’m 27 now I’ve been watching you for years I never miss a video 💯.

[@MarisaPeer]

That’s really kind of you to say ❤️ That's commitment.

[@kevinhanley6462]

You're what we all need! You're a fantastic down to earth life coach! My mum was watching it, too.

[@Goodbyeeveryonehere]

The end part is hilarious! Well done with the F word!!!

[@BeyondSustainableLiving]

I love that physical analogy of breathing in for taking and breathing out for giving. Such a powerful illustration of an important concept! It makes it much easier to remember to keep that balance. Thank you Marisa.

[@MarisaPeer]

You’re welcome ❤️

[@BeyondSustainableLiving]

@@MarisaPeer ❤️

[@annasimon7077]

Great video! Thanks, Marisa. Can you please make a video on women failing to succeed as if it were a societal and family taboo for us to do as good or better than men and success were reserved to men only? I come from a Southern European background with a bully, narcissistic, macho father and have just realized that I had a subconscious belief that I shouldn't succeed not to make him turn into a fury that could cause my death (he almost killed me once). Several years ago I started succeeding big and making much bigger money than he ever did and I shared my success with him. At the time I was also married to a narcissistic man who was competitive with me (happy I divorced him!) Since then, though, I have failed miserably with work and money, and I am now in deep debt. I now see how openly sharing my success with my father triggered my unconscious fear that he would be enraged and could kill me and the constant fury of my ex-husband only reinforced my deep seated fear. So, unwittingly, I did everything to sabotage my success to this extent. How do I convince my mind that succeeding is safe for me now? Thanks!

[@jenjem5810]

Rejection could cost us our Life, as you illustrate.

[@mariapap8962]

Νarcissists derive a HECK of a lot of pleasure from rejecting people. And the number of narcissistists amongst us is constantly growing. Not to be underestimated...

[@yvasquez2449]

Not sure if the number of narcissist is growing or people are getting just too quick to stick the label in people foreheads. Just because they are nasty doesn’t mean they have a personality disorder (which narcissism actually is). Some people are just not nice, simple as that.

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

@@yvasquez2449 narcissism is growing....fact finding is important as is self love and awareness of how our words effect others

[@yvasquez2449]

@@marywilsonvocalist2181 i have no doubt it is but seriously not at the alarming rate that people likes to talk about. Narcissism is a personality disorder that recently has been extended to all kind of nasty behaviour. Not all sad people are depressed as not all selfish people are narcissistic, it is all what I am saying.

[@yvasquez2449]

@Lesley T Thanks for the suggestion

[@kath5018]

Well this time I rejected him We went out ate and after he drove me home he wanted to come inside I said NO I am not looking for a part time relationship. Only when he feels for a fuck. because thats all it was no emotions no kissing no affection. no foreplay. Why should I accept him only to please him? I used to because I was lonely. I still am but I would rather be alone than be with a statue. He got pissed AND I FELT GOOD. for rejecting him. because when I wanted to get close to him like hug or kiss he would turn the other way wasn't that rejection?

[@nicolaaro9752]

Love this woman ! So grateful she does these videos 😊🙌 thank you Marisa peer

[@MarisaPeer]

You’re welcome ❤️

[@queralescyrus6323]

You hold the key to your happiness an that the gold

[@Quietriot1970]

As always on point! 😊Simple to understand, relaxed and not rushed, this is important Bravo! ❤💙💛💜💗

[@MarisaPeer]

Thank you 💖 Marisa Peer Team

[@Vera_wondergirl]

AMAZINGLY WISE SPEAKER