The Royal Variety Shows Were Completely Normal

[@darrenstrange9374]

Did you know, in France, Les Dennis is known as ‘Les Dennis’

[@deanieleet]

Fuck you. This made me laugh my tits off.

[@amorembalming]

The French fire engine

[@deanieleet]

I've just got to gush for a moment on this particular three year old video and say, don't you just love it when you find an amazing new KZbin channel with tons of great content you can binge watch until you hear the narrators voice in your head when you're trying to sleep? And it's even better to see someone who's clearly been churning out amazing content for years and years finally get picked up by the algorithm and start to blow up. I hope you get to see this Stu, can I call you Stu? That's a bit much. Mr. Millard, goddamnit. I didn't want to fall in love with you. But I did.

[@rymixxx]

I met Princess Anne at a charity do once. One was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny.

[@T4SelNiNO]

Maybe she should do the royal variety show

[@MrMmnngghh]

I heard the same from an old high school engineering / music teacher who huffed snuff up his hooter like it was going out of style. He was telling the truth, though.

[@bigjaffa02]

11:35 Brian Rodgers dancers? I bet he does.

[@stephenhough4957]

The old ones are the best!

[@xxFORDIExx]

You sir, are hilarious. Your comedic delivery of your narration is top notch. Love it. Lol

[@SUK2293]

Dustin Gee was going to open my School Fair but he died.

[@glenndouglas8822]

Don't know why but that proper, proper tickled me.

[@Nosaveddataretro]

​@@glenndouglas8822knob

[@Eckalicious]

Seeing Rod Hull without Emu is like seeing wrestlers without kneepads.

[@Gianfranco_69]

'What was he doing on the bloody roof?...." A-Haaaaaah

[@CycolacFan]

She must have loved travelling all that way across London then at 2:05 being presented with the brouchure for a Vauxhall Cavelier.

[@Instone09ine]

Imagine all the celebs behind the scenes taking turns to kick the shite out of Rods Emu.

[@stephenhough4957]

Is that….Peter Sutcliffe? Nope. He wasn’t available at the time so we got Beadle

[@ashleyfield63]

Regarding Rod Hull minus Emu - I understand the organisers had assumed he would bring Emu when booking him and were annoyed that he didn't but Rod Hull was tired of being considered a gimmick act with his arm up a stuffed animal. Hull tried to develop a career doing things other than Emu but it never worked out. After he went bankrupt he went back to the Emu act. Then fell off a roof.

[@Nosaveddataretro]

You saying emu pushed him?.

[@neilgodfrey6578]

A beautiful description of his life, thank you so much.

[@bobbycaldwell4132]

Was he up checking Emus nest

[@bobbycaldwell4132]

Im sick i know but i have this image of him lying there and emu nudging him to get up

[@williamcameron1971]

Les Dennis struggled with impressions of Les Dennis.

[@mermaidman1985]

The wobbly tape Micky Mouse bit reminds me of something out of Mr Biffo's lost footage 🤣

[@csurname]

13:15 something about Armando Iannucci finding the exact right amount of golliwogs

[@Gianfranco_69]

Remember when Princess 'Maggy' burnt her feet off in a scalding bath ....because it took the pain signals 30seconds to get to her Brain thru the Brandy/Valium fog ?.... I do ...

[@MrMmnngghh]

I've watched several of your uploads. I think you might be the fourth horseman Brooker, Ianucci, and Morris have been waiting for.

[@babettesfeast6347]

The biggest mystery for me in the world is, how in earth did Cheggers pull Maggie Philbin? I lay awake all night in a cold sweat thinking about this.

[@KenPurchase]

God that Dustin Gee Cleese "impression" really is astonishing. I would've never have guessed in a million years who he was supposed to be.

[@therookerybookery]

Would love a compilation video "Best of Trackingcore Moments - TOO HOT FOR TV!"

[@Bungle-UK]

1:54 Poor Margaret whacks her head on the car - been at the sherbets already in anticipation of the horrors to come

[@vykkye]

Just like her dear old gran

[@stephenhough4957]

Couple of snifters before ‘the repugnance’ of the worst of light entertainment

[@chrisjones7042]

Brilliant! Cried with laughter at the "Put your hand in!" bit.

[@knshinn2]

'Kid's gonna lose an arm...'

[@DEATHTRAPTRAILERS]

I've watched this a couple of times... And only just noticed Dave Courtney's idea of a "new game" at 5:20.

[@blackmichael75]

12:43: The "diversity and inclusion" segment.

[@toastedburton]

“Before fortnight and molly” 😂

[@eggbod]

Mate your channel is entertaining, especially the 90s stuff.

[@count69]

Rod Hull and Emu rolling on the floor with half the Game's for a Laugh team while ET, Russ Abbot and Nookie Bear watch on from inside a box.

[@jporritt]

I forgot about how Martin Daniels was everywhere at one point.

[@haitch2676]

Paul Daniels is too. They cremated him

[@incredibleflameboy]

In fairness that Jimmy savile impression was pretty good. He had just spent hours backstage jumping out on a load of kids. Jeremy beadle sounds like he's doing a Jimmy Savile too. "Put your hand in my box, how does it feel? Go lower, lower?"

[@BrianFeral1]

to be fair if Emu had been near the princess he would definitely have gone for her. would probably have just flew at her throat.

[@COL321]

Oh wow, I'm only 2 mins in and laughing out loud! Years ago I saw a programme where Laura Keitlinger said her ideal comedy show was just people banging their heads on stuff, she had a point.

[@BintyMcFrazzles]

This has brought back memories I thought I'd repressed. I remember, even as a youngster, that this was not funny. I just thought it was weird. My mother loved it.

[@TayWoode]

That kid in the grey at 17:55 & 19:12 facial expressions are spot on hilarious like he knew everything going on behind the scenes

[@KenPurchase]

The presence of Roger Stevenson and his unnerving creations just brings to mind that whole grim hinterland of awful low quality seaside special puppet shows that used to appear in the Children's BBC schedules when there weren't enough cartoons to fill an afternoon's broadcasting, where you'd have Dooby Duck and his cohorts jiggling about vaguely in time with pop hits from five years before. And apparently it was off the back of a CBBC executive seeing the puppets perform on the '87 Variety Show that they got offered a series. Christ.

[@StuartMillard]

They do add the potential of a fright when rewatching anything from that era, knowing you can never relax, lest the dead, boggle eyes of Pepe suddenly appear from out of the wings like Jason Voorhees.

[@j0hnf_uk]

Funny you mention these, as I always remember as a small child in the early 70's being taken to a seaside arcade and seeing these puppet type things with massive glaring eyes, 'dancing', (they were basically having the jointed pieces of chipped and badly painted wood with metal eyes in them, being lifted and dropped in time to the music), which itself was a poor muffled rendition of, 'Yummy, yummy, yummy', by Ohio Express coming out of a small speaker at the back of the large glass framed box it was all in. And, thinking, even at that tender age, what a complete lot of shit it was.

[@count69]

"Hope that's not the juggler" actually a pretty fast and funny line!

[@valmarsiglia]

Yes, as a lifelong amateur magician, I've _never_ understood what anyone has ever seen in the linking rings. It's the worst dad joke of magic tricks.

[@casanovafunkenstein5090]

In the context of being done on stage at a minimum of several feet away from the audience, who wouldn't have been able to access the information about how it was done due to a conspiracy of silence amongst magicians (and poorer education in general. At least some of the audience were full believers in the act, much like how people used to believe in professional wrestling and still do with psychics and mediums) I think that it hit differently when it was first introduced as a brief part of a longer set that needs to escalate to the most impressive trick right at the end. The chance of the magician showing up to a room full of people who'd seen it was probably a lot lower than the current day.

[@valmarsiglia]

@@casanovafunkenstein5090 The cat's been out of the bag with the linking rings for well over a century. It's at the level of that "trick" where you seemingly remove your thumb.

[@knshinn2]

'Kid's gonna lose an arm...'

[@klisher]

Emu IS always the highlight of ANY show.

[@BehindThePringles]

Truly, a rare Pepe.

[@vykkye]

Please never stop making videos. Cover on the buses, oh man that show...

[@stephenhough4957]

I name this video's Alan Partridge line as 'No manners but what a critic' and claim my prize

[@vooveks]

The Cultural Hellscape Variety Hour.

[@Ology3121]

One suspects after seeing this upload Dave Courtney really decided his time was up.🤔😂😂

[@warrenbut1455]

Just when I thought no funny line in comes Jim Davidson will be somewhere else brilliant

[@jamspaper]

10:14 bloody hell. TV ads for Winfields. I haven't been passed it in a while but I think it's still going. I assume a lot of trade has been stolen by the McDonald's at Rising Bridge.

[@thedivinemrm5832]

11:56 - Pepe and Friends rekindled some vague memory of the marionette-based tragi-horror kids show that was "Dooby Duck's Disco Bus" and after a bit of digging, it turns out that they were indeed of the same felt-twiddling stable. They've got a lot to answer for. Preferably at the Hague.

[@rayblack2004]

Please review more of these :)

[@StuartMillard]

That's the plan.

[@snesfan8935]

Watching us, watching you, watching us, watching you...........

[@DukeOfKidderminster]

Heh heh! Paddy Longlegs, 😂

[@roscovb]

Well that was a great watch

[@Gianfranco_69]

Just noticed they avoided the embarrassing occurrence of Princess Margaret having to touch Beadles Gnarled claw/hand

[@BigyetiTechnologies]

Say what you like, but Russ Abbott's Cooperman was good. And Rod Hull was a genius.

[@1emmajones]

That was stew Francis. He held us all frantic . Dolls house.

[@jennyveitch2593]

I'm not sure why, but this just dislodged a forgotten memory of seeing a "family" Chuckle Brothers show at somewhere like Skegness as a nipper, and part of the act had one of them poke a carrot through a hole at crotch level, and the other sawing it off. I remember my Mum's look of horror.

[@StuartMillard]

Fixated on the thought of a snowman with a nose made of a severed Chuckle-nob.

[@zubrhero5270]

0:43 I swear, this is literally every 80s kids childhood... Laid on the settee under a blanket with a mad fever, suffering from that "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome" (aka, tripping balls)... where the TV feels like an impossible distance away from you, yet the ceiling feels like its 5ft from the ground... Whilst you keep slipping in-and-out of dreams of "flying down the stairs to get away from Gremlins". The only amusement/joy you can get, is from reading the backs of Lucozade bottles. "Ha, not to be used to replace the fluids lost from diarrhoea, ha".

[@KarrierBag]

17:40 oh that looks fine to me, Kagagogone by the sound of it

[@rich_in_paradise]

Thanks, that was absolute torture. I can't believe this used to happen. Truly we are the worst country on earth.

[@vooveks]

Truly. Such unforgivable, theatrical and televisual horror should be erased from history. Maybe by putting the VHS tape next to a really big magnet.

[@Gianfranco_69]

Nope...... but our precious 'Television Programming' certainly was

[@edgarbeat2851]

​@@vooveks 😆

[@jporritt]

At least Rod Hull could have kept the fake arm for consistency.

[@ladyrose3285]

@7:02 what acid trip did you do that showed massive heads jigging. Oh well to each their own acid trip LOL

[@JamesGillComedy]

"...before him and Emu were strapped to matching guillotines..." Millard gold.

[@therespectedlex9794]

Little girls singing the lyric "nookie bear" seems a particularly bad idea.

[@notreallydavid]

Roger de Courcey is Rick Wakeman's manager.

[@TayWoode]

I never realised how many puppets there were back then, Orville, nookie, emu, spit the dog. 😱

[@casanovafunkenstein5090]

We're talking about the country that was so obsessed with ventriloquism that they put it on the radio and it was one of the most popular programs in the country. To be fair, you never saw his lips move.

[@gigteevee6118]

The real Rod Hull put on a fantastic assault from that box! Great work digging through this horror show!

[@elizabethcanavan3755]

Brilliant.

[@olliebeak131]

Tracking Core 😄

[@vykkye]

Armando pops up in loads of these

[@Englishham]

Did Tommy Boyd mention his Aunty?

[@equinoxx]

It was 'Stone Cold' ET!

[@coldfilter]

I do love your videos

[@vooveks]

8:51 Tell me you’ve seen more bowl cuts in one place.

[@MrLondonGo]

Ahh Rusty Lee, did she ever finish her joke?

[@MrDavey2010]

Les Dennis was truly awful whereas Dustin Gee was really talented.

[@Timmertube75]

The worst thing about the royal variety performance was that it involved the royals and ‘variety’. Euurrggh.

[@IamRobotMonkey]

I need to hear more tracking-core.

[@niceuneasy]

Brilliant😂😂

[@TheNightBadger]

Wait... Kajagoogoo and Modern Romance together on the same show?! Was this the best Variety performance ever?! Considering Kajagoogoo were singing 'Ooh to Be Aah', if Modern Romance were singing 'High Life' you may have had two of the worst top ten hits songs of the 80's on the same show. Cheggers and Maggie were one of the oddest power couples of the 80's. Jimmy Cricket smashes the Irish are large Leprechauns mythos by being... oh wait, maybe not. Wait... Bonnie Langford was there?! [mandatory in the 80's] Where was her clip?!

[@johnrider5701]

Wow these shows really are as bad as i remember. They were full of people who you had never heard of and others that you thought were long dead. A bit like I'm a celebrity get out of here but its in a theatre setting.

[@notreallydavid]

Nicky Campbell used to do a shit-hot Savile voice in and among his chat, but the arse has dropped out of the market for that sort of thing.

[@Ceej_MM]

17:27 these Indiana Jones sequels are getting silly now

[@quietmindpilgrim7704]

Trackingcore lol

[@PooperScooperTrooper]

Ace stuff!

[@BixRibene]

I went to a function at Dave Courtney's house a few years back... Not once did I get told to stuff a whole sandwich in my mouth!

[@tombstoneharrystudios584]

@1:13 I remember that at the time; wearing the sort of low budget birthday party entertainer outfits you’d expect of the time…and the slowest version of the show’s theme you can think of And how hard would it to have been to hire actual martial artists for a proper routine not some dancers doing lame step kicks 😂

[@niceuneasy]

TV was so crap in those days

[@cambs0181]

Notice how Beadle didn't put his hand out, nor did she try to shake it. You wouldn't of had that with Diana.

[@BK-cs4gv]

As an Antifa vandal I enjoyed the reference.

[@jread3906]

I love the golliwogs but I love you too.

[@warrenbut1455]

We are the worst country on earth comment don’t think so if people feel that way they should move

[@bobbycaldwell4132]

FFS it was entertainment not a judge and jury

[@neiljacques8729]

gone abit too wokey in this one Millard, i know you hate "the English" and English values but c'mon!.. to portray people who wish to protect its heritage as racist thugs is narrow minded.

[@mrblags1]

I've watched a lot of Stuart's vids and enjoyed every one but I'm sure he has a secret hatred of britain.

[@dannyd464]

Look mate I don't care who you voted for and you shouldn't care who I voted it for, stop putting your stupid left wing politics into the videos........... it's boring.....🙁

[@eatmywords]

keith chegwin could at least be said to have invented synchronised groaning.

[@pipster1891]

For people who today complain that comedy on TV is all left-wing forget that we had decades of this stuff.