The Shadow Of Toxic Positivity

Even though a positive mindset is generally more preferable than a negative one, there’s also a dark side to the whole ‘positivity culture’ we see nowadays.
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#positivity #stoicism #carljung

[@andrestoro2391]

Notes for myself and anyone else: 1. Toxic positivity is being positive while denying the pain of life. 2. True positivity is being positive while accepting the pain.

[@justinpettit3432]

Great way to put it

[@vsatonthebeat4101]

Wow what a diffrence😂

[@onkartungenwar]

True❤️

[@translator544]

Preach

[@marilynl2545]

Well said

[@Emiliapocalypse]

I tend to avoid “good vibes only” types. It’s unrealistic. How does one solve any problems if you can’t acknowledge there might be some to begin with?

[@Emiliapocalypse]

GreaterGood510 for sure. There’s definitely a difference between talking about problems and being such a wet blanket that no one can have a good time. We’ve all met people like that!! Hehe The GVOs I mean are the ones who (metaphorically) want to stare directly into the sun because it’s so beautiful, and get angry if you tell them to put on some shades 😎✌️

[@michelleburkholder2547]

They seem very superficial. I can't seem to make a real connection with them. I fact they tend to frustrate me.

[@Emiliapocalypse]

MegaSkilla swaying too far in either direction is what causes problems. Luckily it’s not so black and white like that. Why not mix the dose of good vibes with a little healthy skepticism? Also, opposites don’t have to hate their counterparts like you’ve suggested. I’ve heard opposites even attract! 😄

[@biggsbaysic8362]

They dont solve any. That's why they need to keep trying to 'stay positive'. It's because they are too emotionally weak to exercise foresight concerning real problems so they brush it off and pay for it in the end

[@Armsmen]

Emiliapocalypse Same, I don’t feel like their worth being around most of the time. There are times I would understand why someone would not want to deal with it on occasions.

[@brian-beeler]

_"You shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad"_ - Bojack Horseman =)

[@PRGME7]

Brian Beeler when a guy that IS the horse mask is a better person then the “good vibes only” group of people

[@kalitwosana]

🤣 did you just BoJack this video 🤣 Nice

[@babscabs1987]

Such a great show

[@samsonsawami4187]

I got laughed at when I started trading. I was burnt out, needed a change, also wasn't expecting to be laughed out of the office when I mentioned my interest in investing in the stock market. Well, a few years later and $5.3 million in savings, I'm the one laughing now. Friends now want to know exactly what my i do to earn well I advise everyone to start trading in the stock market today for a better tomorrow that’s all I can say,thanks to Mr carlos @carlos_1uptrades on instagram. I’m making a living trading forex

[@learn2draw716]

But I never feel bad.

[@megistardust7584]

I was bullied constantly in school and by my cousins. My parents absolutely would not allow me to be angry or sad about it.

[@Irene-ji8gh]

Very unhealthy.

[@Grandmaster-Kush]

And I bet they all acted so surprised the day you unleashed your rage, been there, done that my fren!

[@OnlytrustinJesus]

@@Grandmaster-Kush Same here. Was bullied by drunk uncle and was taught to be a bully by my own family, when I figured it out, they got mad at me for telling them that they'd influenced me as a child with their behavior and told me to get over it.

[@MithrilSludge6541]

At least they didn't discipline you for being bullied, with belt and boomerang I might add. 'its all YOUR fault, if you hadn't done/said something, they would have never picked on you. Now stop whining!'

[@JP-jr4fx]

break their bones. show no mercy

[@acethefiredragon8525]

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to get frustrated. It’s okay to feel depressed. Just don’t give up.

[@CluttchSubscribe]

It was always never give up. Now it's fuck it. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything, and fuck everyone.

[@Name_67123]

Emotions that not only Humans but every Animal goes through. Everyday its fucking Normal.

[@jaimieweisbergthehippo4]

its okay to be anything but.. its not okay to be cringe and edgy like you

[@SchrodingersLife]

Agreed, because I had been through bullied in school & domestic violence, physically or even mentally. I had suicidal thoughts long time ago, and now I still have it but still can through all those bad things by thinking that "the only person that could save me from desperate life is myself". And the only way that I can still stand through that things right now tho, is to act cruel to myself or to the others + give understanding to suffering + stay neutral

[@roderickcortez138]

@@CluttchSubscribe I feel it. I tried hard for 20 years to make my life better. And now it's the worst it's ever been. I'm 43 now and I hate everything.

[@SteveV1960]

Realistic thinking is better than negative and positive thinking. Stay focused on reality.

[@rebelpoxy]

This. I totally agree. You need both, to become a realist. Kinda like yin and yang. Or crossing a two-way road; you need to look at both sides.

[@yuccatree4298]

Yes! Stoicism

[@Kim-jo8px]

Realistic thinking is good in theory. Question is how can you test how "realistic" is your realistic thinking.

[@tarnishedpose]

That's toxic realistic thinking (?) Jk'n

[@frostygaming3806]

Agree

[@duchi882]

*This reminds me of the Movie **_"Inside Out"_* When Joy tries to make everything Happy despite how bad things actually are

[@texastejus8671]

Like both sides of yin and yang☯️

[@saraafonso3825]

beautiful movie with a great message!

[@texastejus8671]

@@saraafonso3825 what is this movie about

[@saraafonso3825]

@@texastejus8671 well i think the main message is that it's okay to be sad, or experience other emotions other than just happiness. Pretending everything is fine and not dealing with your inner turmoil first is only going to make matters worse

[@texastejus8671]

@@saraafonso3825 I didn't understand that much feeling better.sorry if I hurt you 😔

[@dakinilover]

There is a common misconception that spiritual development is about being happy and if you are not happy, that means you're doing something wrong. Suffering is a blessing in disguise. I'm grateful for all the bad things I experienced, because without obstacles to overcome, I would not have learned anything.

[@DivoGo]

Dakinilover Amen!✌🏾👍🏾

[@lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385]

As the saying goes what doesn't kill u makes u strong💪

[@easylife6348]

Buddha once said, if you learn how to suffer you won't suffer no more. So basically he's saying if you want a positive life, you gotta have your negative thoughts and emotions grow outta you so you have dont to be in any wrong.

[@dakinilover]

Normally, we react to events in our lives like an audience watching a movie in cinema. If it's comedy we laugh, if it's drama we cry. The goal is to become like an owner of the cinema, who doesn't really care about what movie is playing. His only job is to make sure the film is played properly. I think that is about finding a balance between being too attached to the dramas of your life, and being completely detached. To have a real choice how we react.

[@halvmane5969]

it'S not really common, just surface level.

[@NoiseGrinder]

When I was grieving over the loss of my mother, someone told me to "cheer up and whistle a happy tune. She has gone to a better place". It was shaming my natural emotion and I felt a lot worse.

[@DarkShines86]

The “positive vibes only” crowd usually has the most drama

[@lemsip207]

They don't like you to express positive emotions either and tell you to control yourself.

[@navsingh9406]

too true, u see it a lot online these days

[@CCTH-86]

That is true. I'm seeing a whole lot of that on Facebook and Instagram. It is so annoying.

[@abrahampalmer8761]

Exactly they are so afraid of being themselves

[@goldendiamon]

​@@lemsip207Exactly...Just because we feel happy it doesn't mean we don't control ourselves,I wish people would stop judging us

[@goodolmeplant5809]

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it's also not all darkness and grey :/

[@Darth_Bateman]

It is in Organization XIII , BITCH!!!

[@iamkocka6457]

Yes. It's some sort of unholy amalgum of the two.

[@exeuroweenie]

Yep,the glass neither exclusively full nor empty.I think it's both.

[@Lili_ia]

It depends on what "side" of the world you are. Most people are in the middle while there are some fortunate people were life is all sun and rainbows, while there are other people whose life is a complete painful expirience and struggle. Life is unfair.

[@NFSMAN50]

I like this mindset!!

[@yongkysiaw6597]

So toxic positivity is basically being in denial and naive?

[@kylestanley7843]

Yes. Naivety is a great word for this behavior.

[@X3000Chan]

I think denial, yes, but rather than "naive" it's more about fear. It's about being afraid to really look at and touch and go to a place of emotion that is hard or difficult. Super positive people, or I guess you could say toxically positive, are just as out of touch with reality as super or toxically negative people who can't ever seem to see past negative emotions and look at the bigger picture. Toxically positive people only see the bigger picture (there are many fish in the sea, anything is possible, it's all good, etc.). But, I want to point out, that either extreme is mostly from learned behavior from childhood. The video is interesting and pointing out an interesting fact, but fails to go deeper to realize that if you were taught that there's no hope and everything is impossible, from a toxically negative parent, then you are likely that type of person. A toxically positive person usually comes from a family that denies emotion or denies all negative emotions or hurting as "bad" and pushes everyone to ignore these emotions and sweep everything under the rug. I know my family is like this, and also the family of my friend who went through a marriage breakup that was really hard for him, but I, and also it seems his entire family of origin (parents, siblings, extended family, and also co-workers and friends) just pretty much pretended like everything was cool and tried to lift him up by taking him out and being present physically, to go out to dinner or whatnot, but not emotionally. Because he also was taught to deny negative emotions, he bottled it all up inside, and made himself sick. Developing MS, and then heart disease, and died this year at age 48. I also wanted to be there for my friend who was going through a breakup when his fiancée left him, but I was afraid to bring him down more by talking to him about it, so I just texted him and said something positive and pretended like it was all going to be fine. He ended up committing suicide. I know that neither death of my friend was my fault, but in both cases, I really wanted to be there for them emotionally, but I didn't know how to approach any kind of emotional conversation, and also I was afraid to do so, because we never had any type of conversation about emotions when I was growing up. I guess you could say that "toxic positivity" is a form of emotional immaturity, just as toxic negativity is. To be unafraid to go to a place of sad or painful emotions and touch it and talk about it, I think, for the most part, is a learned behavior that most of us can learn. Yes, it's basically ignoring the elephant in the room and being afraid or not knowing how to approach and connect with emotion I think.

[@yongkysiaw6597]

@@X3000Chan wow sorry to hear about your friend, mate. I think i have a somewhat pesimistic view of my life since i learned since i was a kid that putting hope in everything just hurts me back when that hope doesn't happen that's why when someone is optimistic, i always give them some sort of pesimistic view to balance things out. I guess it really is learned from fear. Fear of dissapointment.

[@ov3rkill]

I know right? Which is worse. It creates SJWs. 🤣

[@twistsnkicks]

@@X3000Chan Oh my god, why do so many people choose to not use paragraphs? You think we enjoy reading that wall of words?

[@KopitioBozynski]

I personally can't stand overly happy people, they're nearly impossible to relate to unless you're the same. It's like an emotional cult of positivity and almost mirrored to the 'emo' community.

[@Einzelgänger]

I know what you mean... It's so fake, superficial and a bit 'forced'.

[@samanders2676]

Yeah, the whole thing looks like a very bad PR for cocaine.

[@RRNOTHING]

Hahaha

[@arkieologist]

That's a good point! The opposite side of the coin of the emo culture who embrace sadness openly. This is the spectrum. Both are suppressing a shadow aspect of themselves.

[@nikkinorman4254]

You probably wouldn't like me then 😁🙃 My happiness is a blessing, toxic positivity is unrealistic ideas about life. They are different. When you're connected with your true self life is naturally happier.

[@artful_alicat]

“I just got diagnosed with a disease...” “Just be positive, dude!” “That’s the issue.”

[@rainsara2795]

When your HIV positive lmao

[@darkhearttantibus2766]

*COVID-19 has entered the chat*

[@miketurley9571]

"LOVE AND LIGHT, LOVE AND LIGHT! NAMASTE! NAMASTE!" "... I wanna die..."

[@annieinwonderland]

Yep..

[@markin_mask5592]

I see what you did there😂

[@tylerstoner7051]

5:30 "Toxic Positivity is an attempt to FORCE happiness by rejecting any form of undesirable aspects of certain events, while true positivity is adopting a positive attitude towards these events, while accepting the negative aspects at the same time."

[@tylerstoner7051]

@Barbare4032 Well there's nothing inherently wrong with trying to stay positive, so I don't know if I necessarily agree. Especially because not every problem has a satisfying resolution. As long as you're being honest with yourself and with your true feelings then you can do no wrong.

[@eclpism]

So, toxic positivity is denial?

[@mr.bitches313]

@@tylerstoner7051 what you said was accurate I had to block one of my friends because he kept trying to force POSITIVITY down my face it's like dude why don't you accept that negative things will happen that's why I cut him off people get mad at me because I embrace the positive and the negative I can't just ignore the other one it's like the yin yang ☯️ you can't embrace the yin but ignore the yang speaking your mind nowadays is basically negative now I'm like you guys are just toxic ass hell toxic as the people they claim to hate.

[@taxidrivercarl6074]

People who seem constantly optimistic irritate me and seem insincere.

[@annacibiniak2268]

I don't know my dude, I think I'm a really positive person and I think it's just how I'm able to cope, of course id never tell anyone who got cancer to "be positive" but I just get really sad seeing people who seem to have no hope, with so many bad things in the world if I'm not at least trying to be positive then I'll fall down a dark hole. I want to be functional in everyday life! And I want to enjoy what this world is giving me even if it's not much because I'm gunna be stuck here for a while

[@boi2805]

Carl H Thanks for understanding them...I guess

[@smarty2211]

ikr but people who are constantly complaining are annoying af either ngl

[@GHOUSTTM]

Aw gee well why'd ya say that buddy? Im sure they're just trying to make everything better because life is so shit for them that they have to force happiness to make the pain go away! But im sure non of us actually have that hahahahaaaaa Ok, jk, im teasing y'all

[@maxnieves4641]

alex lol I knew one from school

[@Anna-sb9mi]

One of my closest friends appears to be that way. I was always wondering, how she managed to be so 'clean' about everything. Turns out, that all the things bothering her, were hiding underneath and are crawling up on the surface slowly. And it's as if I'm seeing a different person. I believe this way of living can be extremely dangerous.

[@hgzmatt]

Seeing things for how negative they really are will make you want to fix them. If everything is "alright" the problems will just pile up indefinitely. It's the equivalent of the corporate "can-do attitude".

[@princesseuphemia1007]

I've known a number of people like this throughout life and most of them were nervous wrecks.

[@soversetile]

Absolutely

[@reesedaniel5835]

The Book of Revelations calls it "loving and practicing a lie." "But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie." Revelation 22:15

[@MW_Asura]

I find trying to force yourself to be and act happy when you're down low to be pretty unhealthy, we shouldn't just mask our emotions with fake ones like that. When I'm feeling sad I don't like forcing happiness upon it, as it doesn't come off as real

[@thorsandalwood]

This is so refreshing to watch. I used to try the “be positive” law of attraction ideology. It never worked. I then met a spiritual teacher that taught me that ignoring problems is not a solution. When something is “crap,” call it what it is. It’s crap!!!!! Be real and authentic. That is the liberation.

[@kishan2k21]

Yes....this comment summarised the whole video👍👍

[@azaleaslight7243]

Well said

[@integerconsulting9344]

Love this!!!!!

[@bethtrautmann6901]

You are so right when you say be real and authentic. Authentic people are the most interesting. Good luck to you.

[@JaysonT1]

Yes sir.

[@EmmaCosmo]

"the world isn't good vibes only... it's just vibes." right on... i felt that

[@soccerandtrack10]

Are yolo mcswagger and shitpost mcblabbermouth related to each other like family,related?

[@Enduring_Mantle]

The "positive vibes" movement isn't actually about positivity. When they say "positive" they mean living in a bubble and ignoring any suffering around them, because they are unable or just unwilling to acknowledge other peoples pain. That isn't positivity - it's narcissism. Part of being positive is about trying to be kind to others, and that means showing empathy towards someone if they are in a bad spot emotionally... But the "good vibes" crowd don't do that. Instead they label anyone who is in a dark place as "negative". In some cases they even get offended, sometimes to the point of being aggressive, when they see someone in a low mood. It's ironic how those that claim they have "no room for negativity" turn very negative (angry) _themselves_ when they encounter someone else who is upset. Feeling down or being sad isn't toxic. Do you know what is toxic? Expecting everyone around you to bottle up their dark, but perfectly normal emotions, to the point that they explode like a blocked gas pipe.

[@Enduring_Mantle]

@@supahmario5409 Oh yeah of course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel good we all do.

[@Enduring_Mantle]

@@No._1_Karen Thank you for the kind words. And it's horrible that people are being told to avoid anyone going through a hard time.

[@MagickalMermaid]

Exactly!

[@featherlessbiped6586]

This!!!

[@jent6476]

Thank you

[@sandrawhite8158]

Well, finally someone put my years of thoughts into an easy, comprehensible explanation! You rock dude!

[@Einzelgänger]

Haha, thanks Sandra :)!

[@veggi23]

This is true. I have come across so many of the "The Secret" types that say "put out positive energy and the universe will listen and reward you!". What nonsense! we have to accept the good, and the bad, and saying the above is like telling someone that all the bad things that happen to them is all their fault because they are not positive enough. Things happen, and sometimes there is no "reason" for it, it just is. Accepting your good, and bad points makes for a more rounded person, toxic positivity only serves to make things worse.

[@lorenzoburton3974]

G Thomson well, that was very negative 🤣☝🏿. Honestly, it’s about having balance. Nobody wants to work with the person who acknowledges all the problems but can’t come up with a solution to move the team forward. Solutions create happiness.

[@averageshortking7949]

@@lorenzoburton3974 Well said. 😎👍

[@veggi23]

@Lorenzo Burton Well said indeed. Pity its not in answer to what I actually said.

[@beth1979]

G Thomson I agree with you. I used to believe that nonsense of positive energy and when bad things happened I would blame myself. So when I went through phases of incredible difficulty I would blame myself and so I ended up deeply depressed. I felt so much better when I just accepted that life is just difficult sometimes and just accepted my bad feelings for bad feelings instead of magical powers. The dark side of the secret is that it blames the victim. I can't imagine telling a starving child in a famine to just think positive, you're bringing this all on yourself, just imagine the food and it will come to you.

[@tyleroldham4676]

We wouldn't be who we are without those negative experiences and our own personal ways of dealing with them. I would respect the man who has seen the darkest darkness and clawed his way out of it than the man who never had to look into it to begin with. The hardest times and negative thoughts I've had made me stronger than any kind of positivity or balance or what not, because I've looked into the abyss and I know that I have the power to withstand it because I've been through there before. Even nihilism can be a positive thing if used the right way. Like Nietzsche believed if everything is meaningless than you are free to create your own meaning. Even in the darkest situations there is still hope and freedom and theres no fake positivity too that, just truth. Though to most people freedom is terrifying. Freedom is walking on a bridge and having the ability to fall off. People need more realism in their life and realistically there are infinite negative possibilities why would one blind oneself of what's around the corner just for temporary happy denial. In short I agree with you.

[@gixellia8455]

Absolutely true. I've always enjoyed the dark moments and given them a place in my life. They are not 'dark' but rather 'deep'.

[@elifhasan5955]

Mardan P. That’s what I thought too. I am happy that I’m not the only one 🖤

[@iboremytherapist]

deep in the way that you have to deal with it, in addition to life

[@samuelchuathecool]

I agree, one of my favorite memories is crying by myself in the middle of a park because a good friend of mine hooked up with a girl I really liked. Cloudy skies and trees swaying in the wind. Children walking home on the way from school. Life moving on. I've changed so much since then but that memory is one that reminds me what it is to be alive - I wouldn't have it any other way. It's also why I love bossa nova music. There's a cheerful sadness in the way some of the quieter tunes are presented. The singers can be a little hoarse, and the chords a little discordant, but the music is so complete. Joao Gilberto once said that bossa nova is not about tristeza, or sadness, instead it's about 'a touch of sadness'.

[@veesurf]

Samuel Chua concordo Samuel!

[@k.h7180]

light shines brighter in darkness, both compliment each other.

[@joschafinger126]

Nothing makes me feel crappier than someone telling me, with a big artificial smile, "Oh, never mind, focus on the good things" when I'm down. It makes me feel impotent, deficient, aggressive. It sounds like, "I don't care about you, I'm not going to listen, just leave me alone and cut out those negative vibes." There's a lot of shit going down in anyone's life. As long as you have one or two people who are honest with you, listen to you, share your burden, you'll probably be able to weather it. You have done so in the past, and all your ancestors did, at least until they became such. You can do it, but you'll need to face the shit. And please, please, please, never be the one who says, "Yeah, so you've messed up and all that, but ain't life great? Think positive, dude!" Instead, try and listen.

[@apekshajairajpillai]

Same here

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea and I'm currently writing and article about toxic positivity. I would like to include the personal experience of someone who went through it. Would you like to have a mini interview about it? It can be written and you don't have to appear in the article with your real name if you don't feel comfortable about it. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@Antaressum]

Life is about embracing your shadow, facing it, dealing and making something out of it whereas toxic positivity is about denying there's a shadow in the first place, sooner or later It'll blow up in your face...

[@buck8266]

I love Einzelgänger, you helped me change a lot as a person and I'm grateful for it.

[@Einzelgänger]

Thank you Rahul. I'm happy that my work has been valuable to you 👍👍

[@7thMuse]

Great recommendations, thank you! I would like to add: Daily Stoic Andrew Kirby Vox Stoica Pursuit of Wonder Also, Like Stories of Old if you would like to know about the philosophy behind movies.

[@boomerremover352]

Things brings back that age old arguement that people give to others who are clinically depressed. "Cheer up." Yea that helps

[@civilizedmonster]

Depression rate drops to 0%

[@zzzlulzzz5080]

"you need jesus in your heart" I was like wtf? You serious?

[@NingyoTheInkling]

We did it boys, depression is no more

[@rea8585]

I am mostly super happy and positive person but when I meet people who aren't I treat them the same way I treat myself when I feel bad - I acknowledge their feelings and listen to what they have to say. I then try to help them (or myself) move slowly on the emotional scale. You can't go from despair straight to joy, but you can go to anger and you feel a tiny bit better.

[@neonmajora8454]

Rea Kariz It sounds like you're doing good.

[@cobalius]

A great vocabulary about emotions and a deeper understanding of them leads to what i call empathy. And this world needs more of it

[@andk7a4]

Sounds realistic, it helps when people can feel understand validated, it really goes a long way to booth their self-confidence that can really turn their frown upside down, especially on the inside, aka weight release!

[@nikkinorman4254]

You have high emotional intelligence ❤

[@AshleyMintz]

Yes! I always felt like there was something wrong with overly positive people. People who always say, "Good Vibes Only," make me uncomfortable. It seems inauthentic and unrealistic. Glad I came across this video!

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea and I'm currently writing and article about toxic positivity. I would like to include the personal experience of someone who went through it. Would you like to have a mini interview about it? It can be written and you don't have to appear in the article with your real name if you don't feel comfortable about it. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@sundos.3]

Still can’t forget when I was talking to my friend about a tough personal problem I went through, and all what she was replaying is “so what? it’s over now, it doesn’t matter” which was supposed to lessen the pain. Unfortunately, it still matters to me...

[@numnum8357]

I absolutely can relate to this.I hate those who are always so positive so optimistic blaming me for being not optmestic enough and negative,telling me I am toxic while in fact they are so toxic and mean to me.. I never knew what it is called but now I do.. Thanks for this video

[@lorenzoburton3974]

I hate those...say more about you then them.

[@greenteavic]

@Kate B well said.

[@error60091]

If those “positive” people downplay your feelings and fail to listen or try to offer you a solution, they might not be positive, rather narcissistic.

[@PoopPlantsNotBodies]

I feel excited for you because you are one of the very few who get this.

[@mustang4636]

@@error60091 i hate people like that, and im glad you said this because it's something i wish everyone understood like you do

[@ph6ntom735]

The glass is both half full and half empty .

[@cobalius]

Uhm.. For me it depends on what you were doing with it before.. Emptying or filling it up

[@da14a49]

@@cobalius bruh look at your pfp - be realistic.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

I would question what is in the glass more XD

[@cobalius]

@@da14a49 dude, i'm me, and you can't anything do about it.

[@IKnowThatFeelBr0]

@@cobalius

[@BartRos1980]

I don’t think that these “positive” remarks are coming from a good place sometimes. There mostly ways to switch a conversation away from someone, and show someone cant actually care or sympathize.

[@luana2778]

Responder

[@OlgaRykov]

I agree. I also don't think it comes from a good place, or sincere good wishes. It often sounds more like coming from a fearful and frustrated place thinly veiled with some fake wisdom. The person doesn't want to admit it, but they want you to stop "ranting" so to speak. So instead of sincerely admitting "look, I empathize, but I feel helpless hearing you out, I'm sorry I can't help you, I don't want to help you, I also have problems that overwhelm me", instead of truthfully admitting these things they try to manipulate you to quit crying on their shoulder by "elevating" themselves above you, giving you this crappy advice, acting all wise, pretending like they mean well, when they don't in fact, they're just as lost and helpless as you. It's not good, it's not empathic, it's dishonest, and it makes me loose all respect for people that "detach" from what you are saying like that, lest they are found to be just as "normal" as you are.

[@Grandmaster-Kush]

Pathological positivity or the shadow of toxic positivity seems to mainly be a means of deflection, its opposite is one that I know I use IE the indifferent/cynical attitude as means of emotional deflection.

[@hypnotherapist2211]

Totally! Well said . People do x

[@ai172]

As a victim of narcissistic abuse for 20 odd years, I totally relate to toxic positivity. It is another facade of feel good people behind their masks of inconsiderate pretense. It is not only frustrating, but inhuman too.Thank you for your work, Einzelganger. Means a lot to me💕

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea and I'm currently writing and article about toxic positivity. I would like to include the personal experience of someone who went through it. Would you like to have a mini interview about it? It can be written and you don't have to appear in the article with your real name if you don't feel comfortable about it. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@schizorap]

Same here

[@ashleighberryman9280]

My friend only wants positive energy around her now and I respect that. She recently asked me why we don’t talk much. I just told her I don’t have much to talk about these days. I don’t think she even realizes that in doing that she has effectively cut myself and a couple more friends out due to the fact that we happen to be going through tough times and now she doesn’t even want to hear mention of those things, but now she complains everyone has become distant and she dosen’t know what we’re up to these days. She even went on Facebook claiming that it was too much to ask for positive vibes from people cuz now no one will talk to her for my than 5 mins......I don’t know what she expected when she basically told us she does not care about the pain we might end up going through in life and that she only wants “fair weather friends”.

[@missburn]

That sucks 😕

[@katec9893]

I'm going through that with a friend too. She keeps saying she needs time out as she's feeling drained by life. I'm careful not to overshare, be overly negative, share both positives and challenges with her but I feel like I have to walk on eggshells so as not to be 'draining' to her. So I'm just leaving her to it. I need to be friends with people who allow me to feel the full range of human emotions.

[@TheOverman]

Yeah, I am always suspicious of highly positive people, seem fake, like most creators on KZbin. Thanks for this topic.

[@sarien_aurelas]

Last year, when my mom was on the last stages of her breast/skin cancer, even after she stopped reacting to the outside world, my oldest brother continued to insist that she was going to be alright. Even dismissing the fact that several doctors said she had 1 week at best. Every little movement was a sign that she was doing fine, and I was the "negative one" for only relying on what the doctors were saying, and what I was seeing, a 75 old woman that reached a state where she could only moan. When her suffering finally ended it took some days......but reality finally kicked in inside of him. He watched his mother slowly die, and never said goodbye because his positivity blocked the truth. And now, my super positive brother, is depressed.

[@emitheorbit1118]

I don't wanna sound cruel (really, I don't want to) but... He kind of deserves not accepting the actual reality. Sure, he could still be positive while accepting the reality and move on. Sorry if that sounded cruel. :(

[@Kaloapoele]

It kind of is. Pain is pain. Denial is a real phenomenon. This commenter may have been hurt dealing with the reality alone for so long, but saying someone “deserves” depression because they went through a period of denial over the death of a loved one is a stretch. Toxic positivity is annoying but it isn’t always malicious, sometimes it’s just a sad feature of being human also.

[@someobscuremusicchannel]

@@emitheorbit1118 That's your opinion. You don't get to declare whether or not another human being "deserves" something. "Deserve" isn't really a thing in the first place by the way, it's entirely an emotionally charged social construct that people use to bestow shame upon others. It's also a handy tool for playing victim all the time and wallowing in self pity. Never say the word "deserve", because it's irrelevant, what happened happened, nobody was a victim, nobody was a perpetrator, it just happened. Certain actions lead to certain outcomes, that's real life. What you make of those outcomes is entirely your opinion based in your own emotional bias. There is no such thing as "injustice" or "deserve". If someone gets in a car crash, you could ask: Who's the victim, and who at fault? Nobody either way, it just happened. Things just happen, that's life.

[@dentonssubliminals]

Emotions are just emotions, no positive, no negative. Now "good feeling" emotions simply means that you're on the right track, while "bad feeling" emotions try to tell you that you're shifting away from who you really are and what makes you happy. In conclusion, emotions are here to guide you through life, to make you know where you're at right now, and whether you're on the path you've intended to choose or not. When you encounter a negative emotion, DON'T REJECT IT, it'll only feel worse. Instead, embrace it and ask yourself why you feel that way. The answer will come quicker than you think. Never disguise your emotions, FEEL them and ACCEPT them. They're your only true reliable guides. Thank you for the video.

[@justhere7947]

This generation is obsessed with talking positive and afraid to talk truthfully

[@louis250994]

@Zegban Karyea And when you try to tell them what they need to hear they cut off the conversation. Later wonder why they're still getting screwed up.

[@Laiser]

This is a blatant lie. This generation is obsessed with the exact opposite, focusing solely on negatives and being pessimistic in order to not be disappointed due to how disadvantaged they are.

[@brandonadams9203]

The truth is you're negative

[@wecoollin]

This comment is full of shit

[@lylelaney8270]

Wrong because if you spend enough time on social media, you will see they only talk about negative things. Everything is bad.

[@wandavargas100]

"All your sadness, and grief and anger and other emotions that you can't show, because your forced to be positive, are kicked down into the darkness of the unconscious, rotting, fostering, creating a monster that will come to the surface when you least expect it". Dang! Really felt that .

[@SenEmChannel]

So i think there two 2 kind of positivity: 1: toxic one: be positive to deny a problem that you are facing. Be positive to hope bad thing will gone, tommorrow will fine without doing anything or change anything. Ect. Number 2: be positive to deal with the problems you have. Be positive to forward to happiness even you know bad thing still there, but you accept, dont piss off with it than deny it. I think toxic positivity may be have dark side. But overall, it still better than too negative.

[@afabuloussentientbeing8112]

So it's basically indeterminate optimism and determinate optimism.

[@oliviamartin6963]

Thank you for this comment

[@rainnchen9632]

More like *WORSE*

[@rainnchen9632]

I love how people immediately jump to the conclusion that just because it's positivity, it's instantly much better than negativity, positivity does not equate happiness, get educated.

[@Howwi]

People aren't listening when they just blurt out "Be positive", instead of trying to understand the other person's feeling better. UwU Thanks for the nice video!

[@Grandmaster-Kush]

OwO

[@Mojojojo-92]

I’m usually called negative for being realistic about life and wanting to talk about things that makes a lot of ppl uncomfortable.

[@Tiffanynyc2323]

Just stop talking to these people it’s pointless be positive with them let them live in their delusions

[@jaughnekow]

honesty is not a good thing in this modern world.

[@brendakrieger7000]

Yes!! Same!

[@kat4923]

Not to mention that negative feelings and situations can help with your personal growing. Facing bad things and working in order to better your situation is far more mature and rewarding than just pretend that everything is fine

[@cobalius]

As a child i was thrown into a bunch of seminars where everyone kept telling each other about overcoming the sadness of their lives by simply focussing on the good stuff and productivity, because "it will grow as doing so". It was a welcome thought, because i had already problems and wanted to be happier, but i didn't expect to sell them my hope for a lesson. Well, the young me was trying this and failed. I couldn't control my own thoughts and got compulsive thoughts and many forms of depressions, but the vicious circle even started. As soon as my body ran out of resources and was struggling to producing good feelings, my stress levels raised even more, because negative thoughts and feelings have to grow too, right? I lost many nights and days by struggling to all kinds of demoralising and destructive thoughts, all emerging from this single wish to wanna feel good again, while feeling bad, but couldn't switch it over on my own. Even worse, i entered some up-down depressions and was pushing the ups, because my happiness would have stayed a little longer that way, right? Wrong. My body realised something went wrong and tried fixing it on its own by over-flooding itself with everything it had. That feelings, i hope, i don't have to explain. I was awake for almost two days as it was happening and afterwards some weird kind of exhaustion took over. Some days i felt numb the others just like someone broke up with me, but without a reason it seemed. I started loosing the trust within my body. I learned about the fear of loosing control. It took me years to see and learn about what some mindsets were doing to me, how to be more resilient and how to trust myself again. Years and years about being alone, reflecting myself and finding myself within meditations were needed. I'm still not through with depressions, because there are many kinds of it and i'll keep working on this. Today i wanna warn you about self-improving books and people which are keep telling you, how to better your live or being more productive, more authentic like them. You don't need to be someone else and i believe you've already got some strength to get through anything and find your own way. I believe that you learn enough by doing so, enabling yourself to help others one day and to grow your empathy as well. Reaching out for help may be a part of it, but don't skip the lessons. You are not alone and someone wanna hear your words you might have to share, because of your journey. Maybe it needs quite a bit loneliness or tranquility, i'm not sure, because it was my way of learning about having empathy towards myself and hopefully i learned about having empathy towards others as well.

[@Drstrange3000]

Thank you for this! I'm struggling with this, but resonated with a lot of what you said. I am glad you are now getting past that part. You are really strong and brave! That gives me a bit of hope, thanks!

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea and I'm currently writing and article about toxic positivity. I would like to include the personal experience of someone who went through it. Would you like to have a mini interview about it? It can be written and you don't have to appear in the article with your real name if you don't feel comfortable about it. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@VoxUrania]

Years ago, I had a theatre director who had a genius for tapping into the creative energy of the Shadow. Rehearsal was almost therapeutic because it was a place to look emotions in a realistic light, like you described. This memory came back as I watched the video. Some of that healing experience too. Thank you.

[@EtamirTheDemiDeer]

Can you tell us more about that? It sounds fascinating!

[@TheJeremyKentBGross]

That sounds amazing

[@mystic6236]

I used to have a Facebook account with many followers and I posted positive thoughts every single day of my life until my account was disabled I realized that I was just covering my own wounds with TOXIC positivity and my life has changed since that day...I was so wrong and just telling people to think positive thoughts every time they had a problem and I lived in a state of denial all the time...Thank you for your videos I know you're changing lives and making a better world. Namaste

[@jasoncg2956]

Thank YOU for coming to that realization. Welcome to the real world, where we accept you with open arms!

[@qwertyki9367]

only telling people to think of positive thoughts when they have a problem is like putting them in an illusion unless you tell them whether they were wrong or right

[@cobalius]

I get cringes about this Namaste thing. The whole esoteric branch can also lead to weird mindsets like eating the light or being healed by a glimpse of a smiling person. Thoughts can go this way, if their owner had problems enough and most of the time you can't even talk with them anymore. Sure, faith can heal you and jesus somehow, but that is religion and what these people are believing in, is not comparable to real traditional faith.

[@christinah.8504]

as a German living in the U.S. , I feel this is pervasive here in America.

[@eternalcoke9007]

Agreed

[@DivoGo]

Christina H. As an American I wholeheartedly agree!

[@kolacao8134]

@@KristaldeauCityLights they tend to make things extreme like food making it extremely unhealthy, politics, housing,education,etc

[@DC52]

So where does gratitude fit in here? if I had to pick a side I'll choose gratitude every time 💗

[@tabby842]

Yep, american culture is largely fake. Over-exaggerated reactions to certain things, always framing things in a positive light no matter the context or need, always having to talk or say something to fill the void of silence even if there's nothing to talk about, or worth talking about. What's worse is that if you don't want to subscribe to this culture you're immediately labeled as the polar opposite end of the spectrum. If you don't want to be happy, then you're angry. If you aren't positive than you're negative. If you don't want to be enthusiastic while you converse with somebody, you're a jerk. It's all or nothing. But good luck finding a job if you don't want to conform.

[@CeceXu-p6d]

I hate it when my friend once said to me “stop crying “ or something like that. I understand she didn’t want to see me being sad but I felt like it was more of a denial of my feeling. Truth to be told, I don’t really want to share my negative side with her anymore which I believe she probably has had enough.

[@jz2466]

Interesting because to some degree stoicism has helped me stay a lot more positive. I am able to recognize the things that are outside of my control, let them be, and focus on what is within my control. This gives me a much deeper sense of tranquility, because I know my struggles and unhappiness are not aimless and without reason. Of course, I am not positive all the time. But it hard not to stay positive (while remaining realistic) when I can recognize that negativity and feelings of defeat leads nowhere. EDIT: I wrote this before finishing the video. You beautifully sum up “true positivity” at the end which makes a lot more sense in regards to the values of stoicism, Buddhism and being an overall healthy/good person

[@anjananaturelover2083]

To me the worst anyone can do is to offer solutions to someone when they are feeling low; at that point of time,all that person needs is someone to be a good listener...not a problem solver,not a critical appraisal, just someone to say, "I hear you." Thank you for this,from India 🙏🇮🇳

[@ManiaMac1613]

The key to emotional maturity is to embrace your emotions, both the good and the bad. Enjoy being happy when things are good and allow yourself to be upset when things are bad, but never stop trying to be better. Just as total cynics are miserable, false positivity is a one-way ticket to self-destruction. Divorcing yourself from reality isn't being positive, it's pure madness.

[@boboloko]

Car buyer: I noticed the brakes squeaked during the test drive. Car salesman: Don't be so negative. The engine is running perfectly and the tires are new.

[@johnpaulmarkes]

or how about, "the car doesn't turn on? Why would I buy this?" "There are people starving in Africa and you are worried about that? So selfish, be grateful the doors open and you can get in!"

[@kashtucker910]

***Used car salesman

[@theonetrueking3612]

i was thinking about this, some positive people say "smile" or "be happy" evey time you complain about a problem you're facing, it's like they're not even listening

[@johnc2956]

I can't emphasize how happy I am to see this video and similar ones spelling it out. I had a friend who told me I'm "too negative" when I was sharing with her my feelings about my life circumstances and childhood trauma, and all she could do was tell me that and how she'd prefer to hear two positive things for every negative thing. Up to now, she thinks I'm the jerk for being negative and refuses to think that the concept of toxic positivity exists. Toxic positivity is a tool to control and coerce others to accept that world view and NOT the kind that is good for supporting people who need empathy.

[@jbela]

Most of the time when I speak up and show my emotions, I get told that I'm too negative

[@jamesklark6562]

The same people will act like they care about mental health. It's false moral licencing.

[@misskoool]

I can totally identify with that. I've been experiencing it lately - hard to find someone to share with who will listen and not just tell me to focus on what is good in my life and say that I shouldn't complain. Yes, I acknowledge what is good. That doesn't mean I don't need to process what is bothering me and need help to fix it. I'm learning to look elsewhere for support and not reveal these things to certain people whose opinions don't help.

[@jbela]

@@misskoool exactly, think these are the same people that just don't want to help you but don't want to admit it so they make it out that it's your fault

[@juvycarlabanico9871]

Sameee

[@jillytot1981]

As a realist, i don't look at the glass half empty or half full, instead, i try to determine if the glass is filling, or emptying, because it's the direction of change that matters. In order to determine this, you need at least 2 data points, although you can build more confidence by having more. I've been in too many situations where people ignore pending problems because they refuse to look at how things are playing out, and instead focusing on how things are good in the moment. You have to look at trends and extrapolate. The present is only a static snapshot of reality, and even if you have it good right now, you have to be vigilant if you want things to stay good.

[@kennethgray4679]

Been dealing with this with multiple people in life, both "optimistic" and "pessemistic". I had a friend with severe depression who I was regularly attentive to and supportive of, but when I demonstrated I was having struggles of my own, I was told that I didn't have it as bad and I needed to set aside my hurts to take care of them. My mother is the reverse, sorta. Spent a lot of her life suffering with depression and she copes with it by "JUST BE POSITIVE!", regularly saying the people around her she inadvertently hurts with her denial are just "too sensitive/needy." It'd be nice if there was a greater abundance of people that could accept the validity of present suffering while also accepting that said suffering need not be eternal.

[@anniethenonnymouse]

I liken it to being in a rowboat on the deep water of emotion. You are anchored in place (depression). Sometimes we tie balloons (think happy thoughts) to the anchor in order to lift it from the bottom so that we can keep going. But an anchor is an anchor, and no amount of balloons will change that. We have to figure out how to lift the anchor through action.

[@petemavus2948]

Kenneth I find your sensitivity, candor and wisdom uplifting - May God/Universe/Higher Power Bless, Guide and Protect You - All Ways - Always

[@d.christianrathjens7209]

I really like your non dramatic way of saying/showing these important things. There is no ego in that, and this makes it so fresh and clear, I can smell the forest, when listening . It's helping me a lot to get and stay focused on these things. These vids are inspiring and a source of energy to me, thanks and please keep up on them.

[@dylanmagoiofthethalasso4032]

I'm apart of a group of people and a decent amount of them are like this. They're all about love and light and happiness, and I never really liked that and this whole movement like life is and can be hard, hate, darkness, and sadness and depression. My view point that too much of either is not good, unhealthy...toxic like you said. I had a therapist who shared some of the same beliefs as me but was definitely more of the love and light and New Age beliefs than me and she used to say sometimes "Stop thinking like that" without even going in-depth like a regular therapist. She should have know as a therapist that that type of "advice" DOES NOT help or wprk, you just don't tell a depressed person (me) to "don't think like that cheer up" that helps nothing. But I'm glad that I've found some people that think like I do.

[@dreysantillan]

I used to be positive to the point when depression stepped into my door I just tried to be more positive to the point I am lying to myself until i dont know if my emotions are true anymore or genuine. Im still positive, but not like before

[@anniethenonnymouse]

To quote RuPaul: I always try to come from a place of love, but sometimes you just gotta break it down for a motherf***er. Words to live by.

[@subhadravm9973]

Let your mind tell you what it feels. You are the only one your mind can communicate with. Slowly and gently, let your mind talk

[@kizzyvlogs3048]

Me too!!!

[@dreysantillan]

@@anniethenonnymouse nice quote

[@dreysantillan]

@@subhadravm9973 it's been 2 years now and I'm doing very fine now actually, the storm has passed, got new outlook and perspective in life

[@shywolf321]

Your channel has helped me so much in my quest to find some level of inner peace. Life has been far easier to handle, and I cope with stress far better than I did. Thank you

[@SoraFan23]

This is why I avoid people who are always so happy with their lives and I don't want to be around them, because they would not want to speak to someone like me who has so much going on and I don't want to become a burden to them. Also when someone tells me to "get over it" it makes my emotions all bottled up and makes me feel so uncomfortable.

[@arraelle7453]

I used to be like that for several years. I went throught the "good vibes only aka true great shiny love for everyone at every moment ". I worked hard on myself to see my darkness as inexistant (or just something that has to go elswhere, because I saw myself as a "good-born" person). I hardly repressed people negativity (including my mother), and forced them to see only the top of the iceberg. And after nearly 4 years of "positivity-only"...I broke down. Then I discovered the shadow work and the fact that the only thing I did was to judge myself and others. Now I embrace my shadow a lot, and I'm totally transformed thanks to that!

[@trollextrize6380]

“don’t fake it till you make it but FACE it till you make it”

[@avereynakama9854]

I knew it. Growing up and, to a certain extent, today, I never understood why family members flatly refused to help me understand the effed up things that were going on and treated me like simply acknowledging the problems caused them. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but I was never really able to phrase it as well as you did. I'm no longer around said people that would rather ignore life's problems instead of dealing with them in healthier ways, but it's still nice to know.

[@raphaelvincentrossi6151]

Thank you for this video about "toxic positivity." I really annoyed me for quite a long time (most of my life ? i would say ?) but could ever take a grip on it or find words for it. Additionally, while you support the idea that the denial of suffering only is only detrimental to your mindset (on the long run), I would also argue that pain is a signifier. It gives you information about your current situation. If you ignore it (especially in an uncomfortable/dangerous/precarious situation), you won't have to wait for the "long run" to go spiraling downwards. And not only your mindset will suffer from it, but you body, your self, your family, your friends, the community, and your life could even depend on whether or not you ignore these symptoms. Sincerely, a dude who comes from cognitive science studies and now an artist trying to find his way in this fucked up world. Your channel helps me a lot. Thanks :)

[@determineddaaf3]

"We all have a dark side." I secretly murder little pineapple men in my dreams.

[@cobalius]

Yesterday i dreamed about being a hyena-like creature feasting on a rotten undead-torso-child, which was infected by some yellow-ish kind of fungi reanimating it endlessly. Everywhere was blood and it felt cold and sticky on my fur.

[@determineddaaf3]

@@cobalius that certainly is pretty unique.

[@NIHIL_EGO]

@@cobalius Rad dude. Sometimes I dream that I'm a stellar-lion-knight-thingy and I'm in sort of corrupted astral dreamscape that I purify by beating monsters made of black stuff with lance, sword, arcs, halberds and star magic. It's quite a wild ride.

[@glumbortango7182]

Can I borrow your dreams for a while

[@lilporky8565]

@@cobalius Good for you but I just dream about tiddies. And that's about it. Guess I got lucky.

[@ak.8804]

I hate those fake people who are toxic positive. You're like this world is like hell, children get raped, war, bullying, murder, and they like oh just be positive... They don't want to see the truth.

[@S3l3ct1ve]

There is this thing, the negative mindset is actually quit rare, usually a person is not being affected by negative mindset but rather realistic point of view. While the overly positive mindset person usually try to explain things and refer to such things as "positive emotions" which means they do not see the world through logical approach, but rather concentrate on "positive vibes" what they call positive emotions.... This really comes to the two different levels of understanding and analyzing situations. The so called negative people usually refer not to the emotions that the life/situation provides them with, but to the outcomes or actual events that happened to them in those situations. There is hardly any person who worships negativity and praises grief, fear, sorrow, on the very contrary, most of so called "negative" people usually analyze the situation and refer to the possible outcomes that they see happening.. On top of that their approach and sharing the outcome with others is information sharing in order to prevent things, or get the advice from others and see how they view the situation... So it really issint "negative" thinking its rather realistic approach to the events in order toalter them and avoid them in the future, because those events might cause damage or negative outcomes... That`s the main thing and that`s why "Toxic positivity" is actually a hugely negative and really bad trait, because its kind of equal to constant neglectance as told in the video and actually has nothing to do with conscious state of mind...

[@AxleBoost]

I wish I could show this to the so-called mental health group leader who cut me off because my depression and anxiety wouldn’t go away overnight, and called the fellow anxiety and depression sufferers who privately confided in him because they trusted him ‘crazy’ to me in DMs. Being realistic about bad things happening to you and not pretending you feel great is NOT NEGATIVE. Please, world, stop spreading that logic! Thank you for this video. It’s so needed.

[@BrainsApplied]

The title reminds me of all those self-development gurus and instagram entrepreneurs 😅

[@brandonwilliams3777]

Right. Every one thinks they are Carl Jung now since they found mbti lmao

[@motiurrahman7289]

Well said

[@krysj0zef457]

I completely detest those individual probably cause I used to wholesomely believe it

[@NinjaChoke]

isn't your channel one of them?

[@drearmouse9510]

@@brandonwilliams3777 I'm just happy knowing his work is being known and appreciated. Along with the Tao Te Ching. Let alone helping others.

[@cinnamongirl3070]

Positivity is about finding solutions in negative situations. About being able to dig yourself out of dark places and move on with your life. Not about cliche phrases and trying to be happy and sunny when life is far from those things. Everyone goes through rough patches. We are all struggling. Not being able to view a negative situation for what it really means is indeed being in denial. Remaining positive in the present moment and optimistic about the future because you are actively working on solutions to progress is not quite being toxic. Nothing wrong with "fake it til you make it." You even quoted a piece describing our thoughts having more to do with a situation than the situation itself. It's our reaction to the situation that counts. So, being optimistic actually helps you deal with the situation in a more beneficial way. Of course it doesn't happen overnight! One needs to start with positive affirmations and acknowledging self worth during better times, in order to be able to use these new skills during darker times. Positivity is not being happy 24/7, it's the ability to bounce back quickly and not wallow in your own misery. Too many people set up camp and throw a continuous pity party. Always the victim. Everyone else is to blame. Poor me. The video keeps saying a positive mindset is more preferable. So the constant talk about how most people can't be positive is confusing . Of course it is possible to surround yourself with things you love and happy people. Happiness is contagious! Good vibes are not "extremely rare cases"! I don't reject "50% of the universe", I understand the bad things in the world and that negative things happen. That's life. Understanding and dwelling on negative things are 2 very different approaches. Living in the past and replaying those negative thoughts does nothing to better the future. Real positivity takes work, not silly phrases. The last minute or so of the video gave some good advice, but most of it just seemed to reinforce that pessimism and negatively are totally natural and perfectly fine. How depressing!

[@rosariomsoley]

cinnamon girl I so agree with you. I’m not saying anyone’s right or wrong, after all I think that is what we are talking about here. Life and how the mind perceives it, how the spirit works with it, however you wanna put it; how we all think of these things is up to us. Sigh, it’s all so complex and rich, ha. I think as long as authenticity and honesty are in touch with our values and how these work into our lives, there’s hope. Being positive (not toxically) is worth it because it can also work against crippling self-doubt and negativity. It’s not about it being shallow or ignoring your deeper problems, but about trying to break through the smoke walls we put up ourselves, and snapping out of automatic pilot. I’m not talking about mental illness here, I don’t know enough, only speaking from a place of massive work with the self and being in touch with my emotions, you know, as a human being-but SOMETIMES negative mental patterns or behaviour can be consequence of deeper crap and SOMETIMES, I believe, it CAN BE the cause!! Soooometiiimeees our negative mental habit can be just that, a silly, mean ol’ habit. It takes patience, acceptance of reality, of the self, a whooole lotta love and gentleness and a BUCKET FULL OF FAITH, dude because having faith and optimism and guess, being positiiive, is INCREDIBLY powerful. But it’s not easy and you just gotta believe in it, I guess. Which can also be achieved if you really want it. So, yeah. Complex and rich. 🤷🏼‍♀️ life. No unique takes on it, ha ☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️

[@rosejohnson-tsosie2552]

This is the wisest comment so far.

[@bacchante1]

Hear, hear.

[@friarpesel]

I’m right there with you Cinnamon Girl. 😇

[@beth1979]

cinnamon girl I believe enzelganger wasn't talking about positivity per se. What I got from the video was that there is a difference between genuine positivity and a false "put on a happy face" positivity. Genuine positivity accepts that there can be hardships and terrible emotions such as grief. Toxic, or false positivity seems more like a denial of reality that forces one to wear a smiling mask while true emotions go unacknowledged. True positivity is hard work, and it is worth striving for, as it is genuinely beneficial, as you say.

[@anna_kcx]

THIS. Thank you. It is so human to feel pain and sadness. We can’t always “choose” happiness. I have one friend who has tried to adopt positivity and gratefulness into every aspect of his life. That’s great, but I avoid talking to him about anything difficult in my life, because it seems like I get shut down with a wall of positivity. I don’t want to hear “you’ll be okay” or “oh don’t worry about it”. Like..??? I know he has good intentions and positivity has helped him, but to force it all the time.. it’s not realistic.

[@tmc3567]

Thanks for addressing this issue. I constantly meet people who don't appreciate that some of us feel shitty cos we're discriminated against and misjudged for reasons beyond our control. Life is a bowl of fruit and not everyone gets a fresh piece.

[@maryclutterbuck7183]

Bottling things up behind closed doors was one of the most toxic decisions I ever did. I still struggle with honestly to my doctors in person.

[@ptcachan]

Positivity doesn’t just mean being happy, nor faking happiness. It means being emotionally stable, self-assured, serene, confident, embracing life situations fully and live without fear, doubt or hatred.

[@AWhileHanlin]

This is good to see, I did my psychology degree dissertation on this 12 tears ago and very little direct literature was available on it at the time. I found blindly positive people were less resilient and more prone to depressive symptoms as they were often dissapointed with reality. I also found people who loved disney and romantic novels were very succeptable to blind positivity

[@nataliaxo8053]

Sounds like those people were under some form of mind control, altering their perceptions=altering their reality

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea Marton and I'm currently writing an article about toxic positivity. Would you like to have a mini interview and give your opinion on the topic? It would be very helpful and won't take long. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@BrookeFilth]

On a sliding scale of Hopelessness and Delusionality, it's better to be in the center. All is not lost, but the good future isnt always guaranteed. You must face reality and change/accept what you can.

[@ykjo5613]

Omg thank you SO MUCH for this. I honestly didn't know how to articulate this on my own without expletives as it INFURIATES me when dealing with these positive toxic types. I feel like bc they have no idea how painful, scary, dark, or sad our lives can sometimes be, their Mr. Happypants nonsense is a very insincere way of shutting down the conversation. They drive me nuts, and then they come to you with their non-problems to solve. Ffs

[@tomg6318]

Very good. I like negative people better, and they have a real ability to show acts of kindness at times because they have more understanding. Fake positivism is like watching a TV commercial

[@VantaBlack216]

Preach!

[@justinwong7985]

They have experienced real suffering and can actually relate.

[@Sappa9702]

Negative people are just as bad and I'd say worse than positive people. Life is not black or white, it's grey. You shouldn't be overly negative and in some cases, overly positive either. It's good to have a balance. You should know the consequences of your actions and how to deal with other people. Negative people drains the energy out of a room. If everyone was negative, the human race would never have achieved anything of worth. And that's facts.

[@pantslizard]

"Toxic Positivity". Great title, when I saw it I was like, holy shit I gotta see THIS. 🤔

[@mustang4636]

it's definitely a huge problem nowadays

[@sonicsfootlotion2559]

I don't like it when overly 'optimistic' people say that a situation isn't 'tHaT bAd' just because it benefits them. People should start thinking about how others feel in those situations and not everyone likes the same things.

[@PanHanos]

I've always tried to you know apply that "I understand" principal and not just be positive in a toxic ignorant manner. Sometimes tho, there really is nothing you can do for another person in that moment. Unfortunately, in huge times of grief, any positivity can be perceived as toxic, and any negativity can be perceived as EXTRA misery. The human mind sometimes isn't calm enough to realize how to cope. In the moment, everything feels crap, and that's just the way it is. So don't feel responsible for someone else's happiness. Sometimes, you can't do anything in the moment, but just continue to be by their side

[@jd4632]

Thank you for giving voice to one of my recent self discoveries.. What a relief to fully understand this was not my failure, but yet another lesson and test of personal strength!

[@BrianDodl1]

I just found out that my job may be eliminated and my roommate just said "well it may lead to new possibilities ". I just wanted someone to say "I'm sorry to hear that, I'm here for you to talk to".

[@SageBlackthorn]

I run in to these types of people at work all the time. The ones who say things like "I don't allow any negative energy in my life," (feel free to read that in a stereotypical Valley Girl voice in you head if you like, because that's what one of my customers sounded like when they said it.) They do come off as being very shallow and unrealistic. They also tend to be the biggest source of complaints to the business owners about how they didn't have a positive experience and the biggest source of negative Yelp reviews for the business.... so much for always being positive and always finding the bright side of whatever happens to them. I think if they could allow themselves to realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, that other people have lives, have issues they may be struggling with, perhaps a little compassion would naturally follow once they understand it's not all about them.

[@andreamarton7953]

Hi. My name is Andrea and I'm currently writing and article about toxic positivity. I would like to include the personal experience of someone who went through it. Would you like to have a mini interview about it? It can be written and you don't have to appear in the article with your real name if you don't feel comfortable about it. ~please let me know what you think about it

[@directornarrative2209]

People tend to think of negative mindset as only a bad thing, but there is a good side to it. When your expectations are low you won't be as disappointed when they don't realize or when they aren't as good as you thought they would be.On the other side when something goes way better than you expected, you end up much happier or excited than you would if you had a positive mindset. Both mindsets have their pros and cons, and different people will react differently to them.

[@sarahcollins190]

Finally someone is saying this...I particularly hate the 'it's just in your head' aspects of positivity. As if how you feel is not influenced by anything but how you see the world. I hate it most in the workplace, where bosses put it all back on you when you try and express that there is something wrong and negative about how the workplace is structured. The underlying message is 'we aren't going to change anything, so you better change yourself'.

[@khalexi8692]

I really needed to hear this. I have been going through some dark stuff lately. Health problems and everyone around me just gets uncomfortable when i tell them how I really feel and all the responses I get is. Smile. Be positive. Be happy. Just smile. It's because your sad all the time. Well shit I am not exactly in a happy point in my life right now. Tired of slathering a smile on my face for everyone. Everything's greaaaaaat! I'm not hurting physically and mentally. Let me smile so you all can go back to your normal lives.

[@l.w.paradis2108]

These are sadists. More and more of them around these days. Don't feel bad about being phony to protect yourself if necessary. That's your right. Consider taking an acting class, try to make it fun.

[@Alistair]

hahaha "toxic positivity" is such a good name for it! I've noticed for at least 10 years now that these "it's all love man" types seem to be the most unstable and negative underneath

[@soccerandtrack10]

Are yolo mcswagger and shitpost mcblabblemouth related like family, related?

[@bwolff7364]

4:40 "the world isn't good vibes only...it's just vibes"

[@IsraelCountryCube]

Anyone who uses the word "vibes" is 100% retarded and cringey edgy as fuck and can't use words that are *too astronomically HUMONGOUS!* Oh those hypocrite cowards!

[@youdeservetheworld7416]

The best solution is to see the situation as it is. Be calm irrespective of the situation (both happy and sad) you are facing. This way you will stop branding things as good or bad. Hope this helps.

[@theunknown629]

I like those people.. they show you how human a person is. "Be positive"fine gucci but when a misfortune happens to them you and you say the same, you get to see the faces they make when their ideology can also turn back on them

[@HackersSun]

My work has this, with posters everywhere of TO THINK POSITIVE and NO NEGATIVITY And its horrible, you can't ever say anything bad, can't have a bad day, or frustrated with a customer just smile and move on It's..creepy

[@baileydillion9331]

Very good info. One of my friends told me the other day I was the most negative person she knows. I was throwing a back by that. I thought about it it's not that I'm negative I just see all sides of everything. I can't live in her happy little world that she has built for herself. The fact is life does happen and sometimes it just keeps a Rollin and Rollin and Rollin in a not-so-perfect way. I think I really needed to see your video to understand this as well as I possibly can. Thank you again keep up with great information

[@hgzmatt]

It's funny how much we value other people's opinions sometimes. There are times when it's not you who is the crazy one, but everybody else in that room. Time to change the room I guess.

[@ipsygypsy16]

IDK why this video is making me think of the Western trend of body positivity, which currently celebrates serious health issues as a sign of confidence & self actualization.

[@glitchygear9453]

Because body positivity (and by extent many types of victim culture) are very strong examples of this toxic positivity. "You're beautiful how you are now." "You don't need to alter yourself, the world needs to bend for you." "it's okay that you're agoraphobic. In fact we should accommodate the fact that you physically shake upon leaving your house, and scream when around too many people, as forcing you to overcome that might make you saaaad and sad is a bad emotion." The Western World is collapsing due to this thinking, it's such a toxic, negative thing.

[@error60091]

Excellent case in point. Yeah, you could love being overweight/obese, but kind of pointless when all that weight gives you other health problems..

[@kylestanley7843]

@@error60091 it honestly upsets me how people could neglect themselves in such a way. No one gives a fuck if you're overweight and you think you're pretty, a lifespan of thirty years isn't all that attractive.

[@johnnysandiegoable]

That’s a straw man version of body positivity. The truth is you’re fatphobic. You’ve assigned a moral value to obesity. The fact that you connect shame and obesity is the real shame

[@willscarlett5859]

You can’t be more wrong with that assessment

[@stevesayewich8594]

I liked this piece on the negative side of positivity. It seems like this is what is going on with a society who respond, "It's all good," when you ask how they are. In looking at my philosophical propensity, I find the pessimists more attractive.

[@hgzmatt]

They made it a god damn greeting where the only allowed answer is positive. How crazy is that. If you want to get a proper answer you have to ask multiple questions in succession.

[@euso2008]

If you like pessimistic people, you probably won't like me.

[@stevesayewich8594]

@Soupmaster101 Sorry that I wasn't clear enough. I follow thinkers such as Albert Camus. He was a proponent Pessimistic Philosophy. Basically, the foundation is that life has no inherent meaning out side of procreation and artistic creation while you are alive. I have written a scientific treatise and consider that a creative expression. Check out Absurdism.

[@oxfordcommaisthegreatest]

@@stevesayewich8594 So, nihilism?

[@stevesayewich8594]

@@oxfordcommaisthegreatest Could be, but I was early on an absurdist.

[@jessicabrauman]

Toxic positivity permeates even mental health care. When I was in hospital for mental health I met people in some of the worst situations imaginable -homelessness, drug addiction, death of their entire family, terminal illnesses, unemployment, domestic abuse, sexual assault. Yet we were always treated like the problem was entirely in our head, that to fix ourselves we had to think positive and practice our skills like mindfulness, when most people's lives genuinely sucked and they would have been a lot crazier if they weren't having trouble dealing.

[@anarkyster]

Being perpetually happy is the saddest thing that could happen to someone. You cannot cherish the gift of happiness if it's ever-present.

[@jent6476]

Well said