The Slippery Slope of Gatekeeping

[@abnegative1498]

This isn't about the subject of the video, but as someone who frequently consumes KZbin audio-only, thank you for describing the XKCD comic out loud. I really appreciate it when video creators remember that there are people out there who don't or can't consume their content visually.

[@multitaskcreative]

When I first started playing dnd, I was pregnant and joining a game of long time players who were all in the military. Of course I felt like the outsider at first, but they were very patient with me and I’ll always be grateful for that. I never felt like they tried to keep me out or like they shamed me, even though looking back I had some problem player tendencies. (Main character syndrome, and difficulty controlling emotions cause of pregnancy stuff) Since then I’ve gotten very into the hobby and learned a lot about how to be a good player. Now that I’ve moved away, I even run my own game with two first-time players. My toddler even has a pc and rolls big foam dice to play. (She is their favorite party member) I guess what I’m saying is if they had gatekept me out, then I wouldn’t have this wonderful outlet with my family and friends:)

[@owlplaysgames3910]

THANK YOU for addressing the "not all men" stuff so perfectly.

[@damdamfino]

Man, you keep impressing me with your empathy and level headed approach to this hobby. Not gonna lie, gatekeeping is the #1 reason I haven’t played a long form game yet. I’m terrified of not knowing everything or making a mistake and being mocked for it. Being “a newbie” feels like a badge of shame sometimes. So I just do a bunch of research and watch on the sidelines for now. If I knew that all DMs were like you, I’d probably feel more comfortable joining a random new group. Or maybe it’s just my perfectionism keeping me back.

[@tonyrigby6065]

Honestly, run a one shot game for a couple friends who have played. Let them know you're new, and you may need help. You'll have a position of authority, and no real expectation to dedicate a lot of time to a long game. But you will be much more educated afterwards because of the amount of times you'll repeat the basic rules. You'll see how other players responds to different aspects of the game, get to arbitrate dice rolls, and you'll get a better overall view of how the system works instead of needing to hammer down on the specifics for a character. Just make sure everyone knows why the game is happening and there shouldn't be any issues. (Plus people are always looking for a person to run a game, so you should have no problem finding players!)

[@mandisaw]

Bit late, but have heard this before, and wanted to respond. 1- Literally everyone was a newbie once, it's okay! There's really no shame or penalty to asking questions, or seeking some guidance, in this, or most things :) With so many different Tabletop RPG systems & editions, even "veterans" of System X, are newcomers to System Y. It actually helps shuffle new ideas & new people around, and keeps the hobby as a whole fresh IMO. 2- Might help to look for a group that's beginner-friendly. On looking-for-group/players postings, there's usually some kind of flag for "Beginners Welcomed", or it might just be in the description. One-shots and drop-in games at stores, meetups, or conventions are also a good option, since those nearly always involve new players, or folks returning to the hobby after many years away. So the DMs at those tables are already in a "teaching" mindset. My late hubby used to run a continuous D&D 4e game at our club's monthly meetup that was set up so anyone could pick up a pre-gen character and drop in for a session. We had folks who had never rolled dice, and folks who used to play 20yrs ago, great fun all-round, and no one was browbeat or anything. (Except one guy, who was a jerk to other players so hubby kicked him out. If someone *does* give you grief, it's definitely ok to reach out to your DM, either during or after the game.)

[@mandisaw]

@@braedenmclean5304 Nah, it does depend on who you are & who you play with. When I was a kid in the 80s, I pored over those AD&D modules at the shop, but none of the boys would actually teach me how to play (girl cooties? insecurity? shy/awkwardness?). I found folks to play with once I got to high school & beyond, but that's due to persistence. Similarly, I particularly avoided one of the game stores, and one of the comics stores in my area, often going out of my way to shop elsewhere. The staff at the comics shop always gave me "oh, we think girls like X titles" / "huh, never thought someone like you would buy Y" nonsense. Meanwhile the game shop *consistently* ignores me, even though I've been in there alone & with other folks multiple times over the yrs, and have bought smth at least 25-30% of those times. Gatekeeping definitely can & does happen. It's weird that you assume ppl who say so/experience it "don't care about D&D" or are "trying to radically change it". Nobody seeks out a game who doesn't care, and *everybody* changes the game to suit themselves. That's why it's awesome.

[@mandisaw]

@@braedenmclean5304 D&D lore isn't some sacrosanct absolute. Every homebrewer and imaginative player twists & reshapes it to suit, and some of them publish at TSR-now-WotC. Same way we saw the race+class & alignment restrictions drop, and the shift from "Who needs a Setting?" to "All the Settings!" to "One Setting to Rule them All", the lore changes to meet the desires of players, DMs, and writers/publishers. I remember when the Satanic Panic made them drop devils/demons, and I remember when they came back LOL I grew up checking out modules with art of scantily clad enchantresses being ogled/fondled by monsters while Conan-expy dudes hacked-n-slashed to free them. The setting lore reflects the adventures, which reflect the tastes of the audience, which varies table to table, and changes over time. "Keep what you want, ignore the rest" is basically the founding principle of D&D - if someone is passionate about changing the lore, they clearly give af about the game. Consider their arguments, adopt the changes that make sense to you, and ignore the others. Unless you are in a "Living" campaign, or always hew closely to the lore-as-written, doesn't really matter to your experience at the table.

[@mandisaw]

@@braedenmclean5304 Tbf, you did say, "the only ppl who get that treatment [i.e. gatekeeping]", so that's what I responded to.

[@binbomsj]

I used to game with a friend who was pretty brusque and rough, never hesitating to call someone out on their crap. But one thing he would never, ever do is call someone's RPG game or their play style bad. If he didn't like a game or a certain player or whatever, he'd always say "The way I enjoy my games is just different from the way they enjoy theirs." That's how I try to look at nerdy/geeky stuff now.

[@offcenterideas]

The only gatekeeping I approve of is keeping the gate open for everybody.

[@SimonAshworthWood]

I mostly played D&D in the late 80s and early 90s. I don’t ever remember my friends who I usually played D&D with, being gatekeepers and I don’t remember being a gatekeeper myself, either. On the contrary: we were trying to get more players for our games. Indeed, I remember us sharing new discoveries in D&D with each other, e.g. my friend who owned the 2nd edition “Monstrous Compendium” told us about the Tarrasque, we talked about adventure modules we’d seen that we wanted to play (e.g. “Temple of Elemental Evil” and “Vecna Lives!”), etc.. I DO remember sone of my friends who I tried to introduce to D&D refusing to try it because their parents didn’t allow it because of being scaremongered by the film “Mazes and Monsters” and the satanic panic. I also remember a friend refusing to try D&D, saying it was silly and nerdy.

[@LordChevonlier]

When someone doesn't know lore or monsters or well known things in dnd, I get SO excited because I get to watch as my players figure something out themselves. That and if I mess something up they won't know haha

[@sagesaria]

Absolutely! There are often times when I deliberately avoid looking up information about monsters or lore, even if I have some vague idea already, partially to avoid unconscious metagaming but also to surprise myself and possibly get some genuine rp out of it.

[@kellyriddell5014]

I'm currently playing in a group of half-new players and half-veterans. When the veterans see a picture of an enemy they've fought before and start getting excited or nervous, they love that we don't know what it does. They'll be like, "Oh, just wait and see, this is gonna be crazy!" It's a fun dynamic where we get to be excited for them to teach us new things and they get to enjoy our first-time reactions.

[@ilfardrachadi2318]

@@kellyriddell5014 I'm DMing a game with four new players and one veteran, and the way the veteran almost works as my hype man for the other players when there's a new encounter or mechanic is just so much dang fun. Same thing as you have - the veteran is excited to see how it all plays out, or why the Goblin cast Eldritch Blast, and the newbies pick up on that and get excited that they're seeing something unusual. :D

[@InvasorJim101]

I feel the same way. I love introducing new players to this kind of games!

[@tepmurt9981]

I've had this happen to me recently. The turn before me in that combat was our fighter/ranger multi who always takes time to make sure he's getting the benefits of both classes and all his magical weapons and free action stuff. He went through his turn, then looked back over his character sheet to double check he didn't miss anything. While he was doing this, everyone waited patiently (as you should). Then, my turn came up and everyone gave me zero time to voice what I was going to do and started "reminding" me of my own stuff. I was going to do all these things anyways, but it felt kind of crappy saying what my character would do after someone else had already "reminded" me. Like, I wouldn't have taken the same turn if they hadn't spoken up. I would have, but it just felt bad. I'm the only girl in that game...:/

[@ernesthakey3396]

Ugh, that's pretty toxic, I'm sorry you experience that. I have seen that sort of thing in my own games, and try to nip it in the bud. It seems to happen more to girls than guys, there's an underlying idea that guys have been more into the game and know more about it that dates back to the earlIest days of the rpg hobby, that too many guys internalize without even thinking about it. I remember the days in the late 70s and early 80s when my groups were all guys, and I much prefer the mixed groups with mutual respect that I have now.

[@kingdomgnark]

"my character is overwhelmed by everyone else in the party trying to dictate their actions, and retreats. Hopefully they will have the decency to allow them to make their own decisions in the future." But on a real note, you should definitely address this out of character and tell them that this is what will happen if they are being rude ahead of time.

[@Niyucuatro]

Try talking with them about it as an adult would do. If it doesn't work, find another table.

[@Highwynd]

I think the majority of people who intentionally gatekeep D&D or any other fandom don't have much they enjoy and they don't have many circles and safe spaces they feel comfortable in. They latch onto a fandom they deeply identify with and fiercely protect it so it doesn't change. They gatekeep with esoteric knowledge and "vibe checks" to ensure only like minded people learn about it. It's sad that the thing they're trying so desperately to protect is the thing they're hurting. Almost like an abusive relationship. These people have always needed to talk to someone and work through serious issues which would be healthy and it's always ok to admit you need help. But, because they have isolated groups with like minded people, they become that support role for each other. This cements that change won't happen. Because it reinforces the gatekeeping further and shows how much they need the game and each other to be happy and moreover, to be stable. Just the read of someone who spends too much time in fantasy land and has seen its dark corners.

[@Highwynd]

@@braedenmclean5304 Well that would be assuming that the place was your residence, when fandoms are community spaces, not private property.

[@Drewcif3r]

This is exactly why 'accept changes or be shunned' is actually the most cruel and least inclusive way possible to react to this pattern of behaviour. The person you're dealing with already has so little in their life that they're grasping pitifully at a fandom to give them meaning. They need help, not threats. Otherwise you're just kicking someone when they're down. I don't approve of gatekeeping, but I also don't approve of people who roll into a fandom and start telling everyone who's already there how things need to be run. As you said above, fandoms are a public and shared space, so newcomers should be as respectful as existing fans should be welcoming. It is a balance.

[@Highwynd]

@@Drewcif3r I agree absolutely with what you said, I make the same argument when I see new movies for old franchises that treat the source material disrespectfully imo, which creates a modern schism in an old fandom and this "others" people into tribes which leads to the slow death of a community over time. I think the best way for anything to be done is to always keep in mind "is this BEST for the MOST people?" I do dislike hostile takeovers and also disrespectful welcomings either to or from newcomers, it's that balance you were talking about that I agree with most.

[@darklordmathias9405]

I'm sorry, but if a player of mine cries or yells at me because the campaign says there's goblins there and they don't want to fight goblins because "goblins are people too", but the rest of the part does, he doesn't belong and needs to leave. Doesn't matter if it's a goblin, or a human, or "he's got a point"(which is usually stated by nihilistic psychopaths that want to watch the people around them suffer, and thus is never a good statement to make), if it tries to kill you, KILL IT.

[@Highwynd]

@@darklordmathias9405 I don't disagree with you, you are free to run your table how you want. It's up to the DM to decide what kind of game they want to run and what kind of players they want to engage with and it's up to players to find like-minded players and gamemasters to play with.

[@ChaoticTabris]

A long time ago I was watching a documentary on Don Quixote and a frase stuck with me. I don't remember it word for word but a man being interviewed says: "When somebody tells me they never read Don Quixote I say they are lucky because they have yet to experience reading it for the first time". I think that is a really nice way to approach things. If someone doesn't know what a Tarrasque is they are in for memorable encounter they will never forget. Lean on how you can give then a unique experience they will never have again instead of being a gate keeper. Never seen Star Wars? So you can still have the pleasure of watching it for the first time. I really wish I could see Star Wars not knowing about Luke's father, that is an amazing experience. This video is really needed by the community. Thanks for making it.

[@SamuelGrahamDoesTCGs]

Re: Using "woke" as an insult - I felt that on a deep level. Well played, and well done. I've appreciated all of your work that I've seen, but this video really hit home. Rock on.

[@izziek.7923]

i had to google the meaning... english is not my first language X) and although I think of myself as fairly fluent and able - this was just an 'insult' I never heard before.

[@ReizePrimus]

@@izziek.7923 English is my first language and I know what Woke means. For the most part. But this is the first time i have heard it used as an insult. I've always known the term "Woke" as a descriptor of a person's political stance/affiliation, and not as an insult. Sort of like being Left or Right.

[@izziek.7923]

@@ReizePrimus okay so I am not the only one to be confused, that is nice to know! Feels like I just avoided a certain kind of people, who take term as simple as 'woke' and warp the meaning to use it to belittle people.

[@persephonehades7547]

@@izziek.7923 So it was first a word to describe in a concise manner what someone's social interactions will be like. A person who fell into this descriptor was usually a person who was inclusive to all kinds of people, understood the situations marginalized peoples have been subjected to since the very first written records in humanity, and would advocate for said marginalized people should there be another instance where said situation would happen again in the future. Certain people falling in between the spectrum of willful ignorance and blatant malice would eventually use the word as an insult, as in using it in an insulting way or as a way to make someone feel stupid, even if they showed the bare minimum of what I've described. It's similar to how people turned "gay" into an insult if an apparent man wasn't manly enough in their eyes.

[@DiscussToUnderstand]

@@izziek.7923 Yeah, it's odd being in a place in time where a word that means "is okay with people who are different than them" is being used as an insult.

[@mrkoskos1]

Sam Riegel didn't know what a Hydra was when they met one in Critical Role. Most of the other cast seemed a bit shocked. But he defended by just saying that he didn't care about that type of "nerd/mythology" stuff. Which is fine.

[@abischwandt7486]

Honestly instead of just saying "there's a terrasque" I feel giving something a description before saying what is not only explains the creature (mostly) it also gives it a sense of presence in the world and what it might be capable of. Even if i'm playing with experienced players throwing out a description also helps set up the vibe I want to go for more effectively, especially if i'm running a more horror themed campaign.

[@chipsalom]

Not to mention that without metagaming in some circumstances, player characters wouldn't have any idea what a Terrasque is. So describing it without even naming it then dropping the mini ( if you're lucky enough to have one, if not just provide art work) is imo a great way to present a monster. Then characters might attempt rolls to see if they know what it is, etc.

[@tafua_a]

When I run a game and describe a monster I have no reason to believe the PCs know (even though I can easily assume all the players know), I refrain from calling it by name (sometimes it still slips my mind) and treat all info about it as if the players didn't know the monster. If the party has their first encounter with a mindflayer, I won't say "You come across a mindflayer", I say "You encounter a tall, humanoid looking monstrosity with dark, glistening skin, and a horrifying squid-like face. It looks at you and you almost feel its presence in your mind. It looks hungry". Same if they encounter a lich, I don't say "you see a lich", I say "You can smell the stench of death and decay from hundreds of feet away, and you look at a man that looks to be decomposing in front of you. And yet he stands. And looks at you. And grins."

[@TollusRollus]

Yesterday, I made the following comment to my DM about the other group that I DM for: "urgh, my game is so painful, because my players don't bother to read the rules" Today is the perfect time for this video to land in front of me. I only started playing my first campaign in Jan this year, though I've been interested in playing for almost a decade and have dozens of hours of second-hand experience from watching streams. I am also a total Rules Guy. In my world, I don't want to start playing any game without knowing the rules and the buttons. But as we know, everybody's different. I have only ever met one of my players in person, and the rest are her own friends - that she invited to join her party when I proposed that I would first-time DM for her. 8 of us total, where only 2 of us have ever played before. Progress in the campaign has been so much slower than I anticipated. Total flip to how I approach the game, my players haven't read the rules or their character sheets - they've not read the details of the spells they've picked, or their racial and class features, etc. I was growing frustrated as we've been playing weekly for almost two months now, and I still wouldn't consider most of my players ready, by my personal standards. Which is incredibly gatekeep-y. I am going to accept my players for who they are and how they want to play, because at the end of the day, the sessions have all still been great fun. I will say that I never bring the frustration to the table, because I absolutely do not want to make my players feel bad or embarrassed. What I want to stop is the intrusive thoughts of "Gah, I wish they'd read this stuff... " between sessions.

[@animorphs_butishiftintoa_d8182]

The truth is, everyone's a nerd about something, and only a small percentile of those things fall within the stereotypical "geekish" stuff. Let more people into the circle, and you'll be allowing a broader and deeper excitement in. It'll elevate the game, and eventually yourself. Loved the video. Looking forward to more!

[@MorningDusk7734]

In my first game, my character rolled up a trait that was something like “your character lost a whole platoon of soldiers to a fearsome monster.” (I don’t remember exactly) so I, being new at this, asked my DM what sorts of fearsome monsters would fit the description/scenario. despite him knowing this was my first game, and despite it being a Ravnica campaign (I had no experience with that setting prior to the game), he just said “oh, all the usual monsters.” And refused to elaborate!

[@TheSneakyBlanket]

Thank you for this video! I recently had a run-in with a guy where I asked for suggestions on how to help my character grow from a pious pacifist (her stance because of backstory) into a more nuanced character comfortable with battles. SO MANY PEOPLE in the thread totally disregarded what I asked and went on to criticize the way we run our game, saying pacifism doesnt work with dnd (notw that this was what I asked them to help me change in my character) and that dnd is only basically murderhobos. When I said that we run a game more based on roleplay, political plots, puzzles and exploration, a guy replied with "Let me guess, you have only ever played dnd 5e" I called him out for gatekeeping, and you know what happened? He gaslighted me as well.... I love roleplaying games in all its forms, but I hate the rest of the fandom. Just let people run the game the way that works for them, and you do what works for your table. But stop telling peole that they are wrong and you way is the only right way!

[@inclinedplane0192]

I think this is my favorite of your videos so far, Mike. You covered a lot of very sensitive ground, deftly, with passion and reason and vulnerability. One thing I'd add to this video is a suggestion of what to do instead. Chris Perkins could instead have said, "Oh, no worries. You'll find out soon enough! [Evil cackling laugh.]" When someone says they've never seen Star Wars, their friend can say, "Oh, hey, I think you'll really love it! I'm due for a rewatch, if you want to see it together!" I think the intention behind "What, you've never seen it?!" joke is to share one's enthusiasm for something they're really into, more than a desire to push the other person out. It's just a destructive way to express that intention that has the opposite effect to what they want. Better alternatives can be learned and practiced until they become automatic.

[@ashenwalls3558]

I love this message! D&D is able to be molded to different play styles, and that's one of the best things about it. I can play a game that suits the comfort level of my group, and other people can tailor it to suit their players, and it doesn't matter if you're not the same type of player/group as anyone else. That's just part of the magic.

[@ThatClosseyGuy]

I will never understand the desire to gatekeep. One of my favorite things is running players through their first game. Every player has a moment where they realize what they can actually DO in D&D when they try something that they think wouldn’t possibly work and then it DOES. Also it’s wayyy easier to run for them. Veteran players know the common tricks and tropes and you have to work overtime to keep them on their toes. New players will react with awe when they encounter classic monsters for the first time.

[@SupergeekMike]

If I could run every game for people who’ve never played D&D before, I absolutely would, I LOVE introducing new players to the hobby for the reasons you mentioned, and a bunch of others.

[@Duhad8]

Bless you! As an indy game designer, I put allot of thought and care into my work to try and make it open and welcoming to everyone and I have had people push back on me for that for things like... Avoiding using ableist language vs just 'using words basically everyone is fine with' and going into fine detail on every aspect of role playing and 'basic' concepts like non D6 dice and how to replace them if you only own playing cards or monopoly/risk dice or just have never played a game like this before at all. Allot of folks take that kind of thing as a waste of time at best and a personal attack at worst, feeling that new players should have to just sink or swim and that it will keep the hobby 'healthier by weeding out people who won't get it.' But I've always found that mindset garbage! New players are a treat, a chance to get people into a past time I love and I want EVERYONE to feel welcome at my table! EVERYONE! (Well aside from bigots, but that goes without saying.)

[@samschlosser2082]

My group just recently added a player who is both new to the game and speak English as a second language. It’s been very humbling to see how much of this I accidentally do just based on my assumption that all cultures know what a goblin is haha. They have been very patient with me. Great video

[@zoboothemafoo]

Man, I don't wanna discourage your regular style of content or anything but I'm quite certain this was your best video ever so far. So many great points and so many important things that so many other people talk about but never with the intensity that it needs. Everyone always say that change is a good thing and it's good that new people are joining us, but then bigots take that as an invitation to continue the "discussion" and keep on pouring their toxic beliefs in comment sections and making things even worse. It's nice that people want to understand and open other people's minds, but sometimes it's up to us to understand that these people will never change. That's exactly what they are all about: never changing.

[@SupergeekMike]

Thank you!

[@Dephax]

How does this man not have 500k subscribers already. Such insightful and intelligent comments about TTRPG's and ettiquette. Not to mention discussion about community and creating safe environments to make the best adventures for players all around the world.

[@PohatuEudyptulaMinor]

Great video and you've hit the nail on the head with these kinds of comments, although I think sometimes some of these jokes are so tongue in cheek to the point where they're obviously making fun of fans who actually gatekeep. On a related note, I've seen a painfully high number of people on various sites complaining about the diversity and so-called "wokeness" of the Radiant Citadel book and it just feels like straight up bigotry. It really sucks because he book feels like a massive breath of fresh air and something that should really be celebrated.

[@queenfrostgirl]

Thank you so much for this video! It's such a good point to make and you made it incredibly well. I ran a D&D one shot for my birthday like 4 or 5 years ago and half of the group were new players who'd never touched a TTRPG before. We're still playing to this day (though we switched to Blades in the Dark a couple of years back.) They still ask questions and forget the rules sometimes and that's absolutely okay and valid. They are all incredible players who are an absolute joy to have at my table. I love introducing new players to the D&D and TTRPGs in general and I will fight anyone who tries to make this hobby less inclusive and more insular.

[@manueltorresart2345]

Thank you!!! This kind of messages are really needed out there. Not just for D&D, as you said, there are so much gatekeeping out there and people can be so mean to newcomers (and perhaps no new, but just because it isn't a white/hetero/cis/man they consider that person is new to the hobby). We can only try to be better than them and work for keeping that people in the fandom.

[@TOchick]

Ugh I feel this on a personal level!!!! As a female nerd I’m always getting my “nerd” card checked since I was young! Like “oh you like Star Trek? And you haven’t seen this version of said show!? You are not a real fan!” Soooo annoying! I have played dnd for 10 years and now I’m DMing and I always invite people to the hobby no matter who they are! DND is for everyone and we shouldn’t make people feel stupid or alienated because they don’t know what a Dex save means etc. You just have fun and show them how amazing this fandom is! Thanks mike!!! Loved this video! And for all you “woke” insulters… grow up! I

[@UnkillableMrStake]

As always a well thought out and well articulated video. I appreciate that not only are you unafraid to deliver this message, but that you encourage healthy dialogue about it in your comments.

[@sunnygcat13]

This is very wholesome. A few months ago I was watching a guy talk about DnD and refered to the hypothetical DM with she/her pronouns. It was first time hearing that and felt good. It seems a little dumb but in all my years of nerd culture I think that may have been the first time the default was a she

[@tafua_a]

Was it Guy from How To Be A Great DM/Player? He's really good and inclusive!

[@mandisaw]

That used to be the official custom, back in 3/3.5e and 4e, and some earlier issues of the magazines as well. DMs were "she/her" and players were "he/him" in all the published books. I'm not sure how they do it now, though. [Edit: Looks like 2e PHB had a sidebar saying "he" is meant as neutral, and 4e used a lot of "he or she" / "you", so the custom was mainly used in 3rd & 3.5.]

[@caseycoker1051]

Also - I will readily admit I've done this in the past. I think everyone has to some degree or another. I've never actually intended to push people away or intentionally make them feel unwelcome, but it's still something I had to realize and be aware of. I think it's important to ackowledge the harm we may have done ourselves in order to realize that it's not just horrible monsters who couldn't possibly exist in OUR local community that do these things.

[@Wipomatic]

I love this kind of content, I try really hard to be as open and accepting as possible as a player and DM, and having this kind of thing to make sure not to gatekeep new people accidentally is really helpful and positive, thank you!

[@daveakerscustoms1194]

Keep up the great work! I sincerely hope your message found the right ears, and that all of us can continue to improve ourselves and the hobby

[@tomatoisjp]

Love this vid. I've been on a tirade lately about sign language being an official language in dnd (it's stupid easy to homebrew, but theres no reason with so many expansions wotc can't write a few bloody sentences for sign language existing) and this kind of encompasses my feelings on it: if a barrier exists that stops new players enjoying dnd, the barrier is the problem.

[@diabetictales]

You have a way of articulating things that is great. I've seen gatekeeping in so many forms and to be honest done some myself. It is wrong and it's something worth considering when having conversations over fandoms.

[@lairofsecrets]

Excellent video! I was going to mention the xkcd comic, and then you went ahead and did it. Finding someone hasn't seen or done something means they get to possibly enjoy something as much as we do. Plus, we get to be the one to introduce it to them. It's an amazing opportunity. Thanks for the excellent videos!

[@kalabars_revenge]

Mike is my literal father (metaphorically). No but fr though I’ve been watching for a few months now and I feel like you are exactly what I needed to help me get back into D&D. I always wanted to play it, actively played it for about a year in 2020 (virtually over discord with friends) and then just stopped for a long time. I’ve recently gotten back into it, and so many of your tips, takes, and opinions are just exactly what I’m looking for. I may have played but I’m still a pretty new player, I’ve never read a module (though I’m going to to help with campaign writing), and this video felt like a warm blanket over my shoulders, like being welcomed back in and told I am home. Also your take about inherently evil races is super based and something I have thought since the first time I ever even learned about D&D (hell my first ever pc was a goblin) and finding your channel and then that video was very affirming.

[@SupergeekMike]

I’m so glad! ☺️ And I’m so glad you’re in the hobby, welcome and enjoy!

[@williamross6477]

Dude, you’re amazing! I was lucky enough for KZbin to suggest one of your first videos back when you had like 300 subscribers and I immediately joined them. It’s been exciting waiting for your new content and watching your channel grow. You deserve it! Keep up the great work!

[@sergespacedragon5662]

That's an amazing video, thank you! Keep on the good stuff!

[@TedSroka]

I hadn't known there was such a nice a term to describe the actions of toxic people. Good video.

[@Ryan-he7zf]

Honestly great video. Especially the messages in the latter half, many prudent points made throughout

[@danielmetcalfe5589]

Videos like this one are THE reason I’m still considering finding a D&D game near me. I have some pretty severe mental health struggles, and my anxiety would normally preclude me from even considering a game that’s so dependent on social interaction. That said, I love the idea of getting to be someone else for a couple of hours a week. And channels like this one, Dimension 20, and Critical Role make me feel like there might be a table out there somewhere that might be understanding enough to teach me and allow me to play. So thank you so much for bringing light to this issue. I just hope that whoever I decide to play with will show me as much grace.

[@yoshilover765]

I love this video so much. Very well said, and I appreciate you taking this principle outside of the DnD context, too. Big respect

[@nyarlolhotep514]

The new first rule of the internet should be: If you see a buzz word immediately disengage.

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

One of the best damn videos on this topic I've ever seen. My rule for it is this. Will the person who the joke is targeting know it's a joke straight away, with no potential margin of error? If so, go ahead. If there's the SLIGHTEST chance of them taking it seriously, keep your mouth shut unless you deliberately want to annoy them, and if that's true then you can sod off, frankly.

[@hqueso]

I was the accidental Gatekeeper once. In a conversation where the subject was about how old game design can seem clunky now, but was innovative at the time, I wanted to use the example of 2nd edition's THAC0 system- mocked today but revolutionary coming from 1st ed. I knew the gaming history of most of the group, but not a new (to the game shop) player who seemed to have a fair amount of prior experience playing. So as to not waste time giving an overview of THAC0 vs. the 1st edition tables, I asked her how long she had been playing or what editions she'd played (I don't remember the exact question). I'm guessing she'd been Gatekept before, and she took my (poorly expressed) question as a challenge rather than as I meant it. The warm tone she had been using for the prior exchange turned into a terse "I've been playing since 1st edition." Her arms crossed and I think she was ready to tell me off. I added quickly "Then we all were around for 2nd edition introducing THAC0. Awesome at the time, face-palm inducing these days, right?" I think she got my intention with that, and relaxed again. That was when I decided to never just ask a question like that without making the context clear. She got my intention and things went well from there. I still cringe at the way I asked that question.

[@GeekPhilosophy]

This. Is. Important. I had a video outline to discuss this on my channel, and you covered it so well, I'm just going to recommend this video instead. Great job with this important topic. Cheers.

[@octo448]

Looking forward to the sequel video, but I agree that there are just some people that aren't ready for that conversation yet. There is a right and a wrong way to protect yourself and becoming the thing you hate is not the answer. Being bullied or feeling looked down upon isn't grounds for finding a group with even LESS support and backup that you can subsequently bully and look down on. We have to stop the cycle somewhere and the perfect place is here, right as people get into a new hobby.

[@KKRDM]

I Just want to show some love and support here. Keep doing you. Great vid as usual and an even better message.

[@Cirkux]

Easily the best one in a while. Kudos!

[@SupergeekMike]

Thank you so much!

[@TheOprative9]

Hey I don't leave comments on videos often, but just wanted to say I love the videos and I love the content. Very fun, very insightful, please keep it up!

[@SupergeekMike]

Thank you so much!

[@John10781]

Whoa, thanks for this! It's so easy to do unintentionally. We need to be more aware of what we are doing/saying. Gaming should be fun and when it isn't, then it we need to figure out why. We want MORE people gaming not less. ❤️

[@HKBr1nghurst]

THANK YOU for this video. This really needs discussed more. My favorite response to, "I've never..." or, "I don't know anything about..." has long been, "Oh, you're in for a treat!" or something of the sort. Basically something to express my own delight to see someone new interested in something I love, and encourage the person to explore whatever it is they're talking about. Watch that movie/series. Read that/those book(s). Play the game, explore the hobby. Among my early experiences with gatekeepers, I thankfully also had a few really good friends respond to me in that far more positive and encouraging way, and it helped keep me from feeling fully shut out of things I enjoy (though I did take a nearly 20-year hiatus from TTRPGs until recently, partially thanks to landing at a few bad gatekeeper tables in a row, at a time when I wasn't in a good headspace to deal with it). I remember how those *pleasantly* surprised, excited, and encouraging responses helped, and I try to pay that forward. Not only in TTRPGs, but in so many other fandoms, hobbies, etc., I wish more people could find it in themselves to be glad to see their interests succeeding through growth, and encourage newbies to explore and keep those things alive.

[@thatmetalhead9000]

this is a fantastic video! speaking as a metalhead, its very common for my fellow metalheads to gatekeep the genre but that only stagnates the genre and keeps it from reaching more people and even more creatives from making metal; in this case dnd. so one off jokes at a table of close friends is fine but never really do it to the new person at the table. learning and growing with someone is always fun.

[@amberdaze7892]

this applies to all fandoms and i appreciate you bringing up how it affects queer and disabled fans as one myself lmao (i've also never seen star wars and a lot of other big media, like 90s disney movies or lotr, and my friends like to tease me for it all the time and it's all in good fun but it does get irritating after a while. getting into things is hard for me!)

[@E-Lykos]

A great summary, thank you for posting this, it's great to put videos like this out so that people know that gatekeeping is not ok, even as a joke, and that everyone should be allowed to enjoy playing D&D (so long as they are not the ones causing issues).

[@teeseeuu]

Fantastic Video. I'm embarrassed that these things still need to be said, but at least you did it with elegance and sophistication

[@morsdraconis]

I think the biggest thing that you nail on the head is people in this hobby and really all the others, failing to realize that everyone has to start somewhere with the hobby. Not everyone started watching the Marvel movies at Iron Man 1. People jump into a hobby at all different places. The issue always appears to be empathy and the lack of it. Somewhere along the way, a large portion of our populace lost the ability to empathize with others and in losing that, lost the ability to think of others when it comes to any situation. Personally, when I meet someone that hasn't seen or played or watched or whatever some of my favorite media, I'm ECSTATIC to share it with them, and secretly jealous that they get to experience said media for the first time! It absolutely blows my mind that people wouldn't want to share with others the love of media and the joy that said media brings to people.

[@jloost-gamer]

Amazing video and something I have definitely not thought about enough. I'm lucky to have a very safe and open-minded group right now (for which I was DM during the Starter Set and am now a PC in a different campaign) and I hope we can all keep thinking about this when discussing the hobby with other people.

[@cuileth3369]

I‘m pretty sure that all I would want to say has been said manifold here already, but have a comment for the algorithm! Loved the vehemency with which you spoke about rules in your comment section or using woke as an insult. This was really heartwarming for me. I enjoyed your vids before, not only, but especially Critical Role Demystified, but now I‘m also sold on you as a person!

[@asp3r448]

At the whole "Message to Gatekeepers" sections all i could think is "Yeah! You tell them Mike!". You are great man. Keep up the good work

[@hexplicit5198]

Great video, thank you for what you do!

[@antsman6795]

Fantastic presentation! I got into DnD after watching Critical Role. While most people are supportive and kind to newcomers, there were plenty of people online complaining about the "Matt Mercer effect" and even hating people who, for example only watch CR but don't play themselves. I felt discouraged when there were so many threads talking about how it's stupid to think Critical Role is real DnD and even one guy telling to get off the big boys table when someone homebrewed a rule for their campaign. Luckily had my first session over a month ago, with me being the DM and the players who had never played liked it really much. And even though I was very familiar with rules and monsters and my players weren't, it felt super rewarding getting to explain things to them for example in character, or let them gather clues about enemies and their abilities. I feel extremely grateful that there are people like you spreading this message of inclusitivity for all kinds of players and styles and doing a fantastic job with these videos!

[@2o7o7dragon]

I try to only like videos I want to rewatch, but this feel like an important enough video that I'm gonna anyway and hope it helps promote it.

[@SupergeekMike]

Thank you!!

[@DistortedAudio2001]

Mad respect. DND is for everyone. I for one am so glad to see so many people getting into it from Stranger Things, Critical Role, or whatever else is helping convert people. I DM’d a campaign for a party of all brand new players and I had so much fun helping them create their characters and walking them through the process.

[@raylea72]

Hey!!! I'm wearing that same shirt right now...MCDM "The earth elemental steps on your head......to make sure you're dead" I love this shirt...and the sentiment! D&D is (or should be) for everyone, playing make-believe with friends is awesome.

[@albertmartinez2539]

Colvillains represent!

[@TheWordN3rd]

Thank you for this. There's a reason that I get nervous going to comic book and game stores. Heck, I've been a comic book nerd since I was a kid and I still hesitate about going to the comic book store wearing a w my fave characters on them. Especially if it's a new store.

[@scottishrob13]

Excellent video! Unintentional gatekeeping is certainly a problem for people who may otherwise being trying to work against other, more overt, forms of gatekeeping (sexism, ableism, etc.). I do think there is a little nuance to what the DM in your opening clip does there (expanded upon a few more seconds into the clip than you showed) that, in fact, makes the entire moment less "othering" than it would have been had he not acknowledged the infamy of the tarrasque. By pointing out the expectation of knowledge, then diffusing with "your're right" and following up by describing the creature without judgement, it brings the player into the circle and puts and end to it. If only the joke had been made, or it had been a prolonged joke, or if he pretended that there was no expectation to know what a tarrasque was in the face of other players and a room full of fans that found it strange that the player didn't know, I think it could have created some prolonged and continued discomfort. It seems a bit at loggerheads with the point you're actually making in this video about unintentional gatekeeping. Not necessarily with the context you've provided, but with the full context of the clip that I sought out for myself. It may have been more effective to roleplay a similar scenario that illustrates your point better without any nuance or ambiguity. Of course, this sort of approach wouldn't work in another context where people are being introduced to the game for the first time, rather than performing "professionally" in front of a crowd. Context is key in all things, I think.

[@alvarovictor]

Great video, Mike! Keep it up!

[@texteel]

I like it when new people come into the hobby. Because I believe the hobby is awesome and I want more people to experience it. What I dont like is when they expect me to change things that are fundamental to the hobby in an effort to appease them. This includes but is not limited to: throwing a fuss about races having negative stat modifiers, destroying lore, rewriting lore. If I dont want drow to be evil, instead of crying about bioessentialism online, I make my own setting, and write a set of cultural values that are generally applied to the drow, and create it in a way that doesnt make them "evil"

[@thefissers194]

Your shirt choice continues to make me smile, and today is no exception

[@SupergeekMike]

I put an unreasonable amount of thought into my shirt choice, but I’m glad somebody appreciates it :)

[@ZarHakkar]

I agree with most of your points in this video, but I would like to argue the finer one that gatekeeping isn't always a bad thing - sometimes, it's actually important to do so. Gatekeeping becomes important when it comes to managing fandom toxicity. If you don't gatekeep people who come into a fandom with a toxic mindset (such as That Guys/Girls for a D&D example), they can build up past a threshold to where enjoyment for everyone is ruined and even the original piece of media becomes tainted. This has happened so often to things that become popular. For example, Undertale. It's an amazing game, but because the fandom grew so quickly with no gatekeeping the people who were acting obnoxious ruined it for almost everyone. Even now if you ask someone nowadays who has heard of Undertale, they'll more likely than not have a negative opinion of it despite never having actually played it. Too much gatekeeping, or gatekeeping for the wrong reasons is a form of toxicity as well. But gatekeeping itself can be good and important for managing fandom health. All best things with discretion and moderation.

[@CJAFTER5]

this makes me kinda proud that when i got a new player in my game i described what most monsters and races looked like as a precaution! even if a bit of it was received with a "yeah i know what gnoll is"

[@mentalrebllion1270]

I came to dnd hobby very recently. Ok a couple months now. I haven’t yet reached a year and I’m probably only a dozen sessions into my first, and currently only, campaign. So relatively new. There is a lot I don’t know. I started dnd because I had heard about it from a lot of friends and family who play it and they tell me about the fun they’ve had. I’ve always considered it something that should be something up my alley. I love storytelling, I love group storytelling, I love collaborating, and I love the fantasy genre. And working in the framework of mechanics isn’t daunting to me either, so long as I have time to research into them and tinker a bit so I can learn some context. But it took me until I was 30 to even pick up the hobby at all. It just never occurred to me despite all the people that play it that I surround myself with. Despite even me having some awareness that it’s a type of game that I probably very easily could love. Well finally during the summer of this year, I actually sat down and did the research and had a friend guide me through the creation process. I researched into the mechanics and lore and, around the end of the summer, joined my first ever campaign after some browsing of options online. I was nervous as heck. Probably had an anxiety attack or two before that first game. But I got super lucky and ended up with a great first group (with exception to a single problem player but they left quickly so weren’t an ongoing issue) and these people were great at teaching me, and being willing to teach me. They were genuinely happy about my excitement and were encouraging without being pushy about prompting me into further conversation or roleplaying. They helped me decipher mechanics in context and helped guide me through battles without feeling judgemental and still not dictating exactly what I “should” be doing. They were great. Now I say were because most of them have had things come up that changed their ability to make the game and so they dropped out of the campaign. Entirely understandable and discussed with the group. They left me in a decent position and made sure I was ok before they left and was nicely settled. They were an excellent first group to start with, especially a newbie like me. And the campaign itself is still ongoing but, as I have been there since the beginning, I now take the lead in terms of lore and guidance and such (I was also a big time note taker so this is another reason why that too). So I feel like I had a good welcome to the hobby. I’m having fun. I’m just grateful for this hobby and the experience I’ve had with it.

[@scienceandstories8781]

It's funny, I've been playing for about 8 years now (DMing for 6) and as a woman I got extremely good at shutting down anyone who tried the "girls don't belong here" thing on me (not that many instances, thank god). I still occasionally get comments because I am not into monster or racial lore that I'm not running a real game. (sorry Forgotten Realms, I homebrew, I ain't got time to read) I got comments from two people I've been playing with for years now because of a DM restriction I made. it's so easy for us to forget that we don't have to experience D&D the same way as everyone else and that is entirely point of the game. I've probably said something myself that I didn't realize. I'm glad you did this one, it's important to remember.

[@Juniper_Rose]

I've seen this used regarding a... Less popular man, let's say. About how he will never hear your insults... But your friend will. Sure Mike is a grown man. He's the artist for the webcomic that drew people TO PAX!! He'll be FINE. But what about your friend next to you, when you said "Right!?" And now... They feel bad asking what the big deal about turning the beholder away is. And they never learn. Because you trained them to be ashamed of not knowing already. And that kills curiosity.

[@chrisroth7178]

I got nothing but nods and love for this video.

[@faranior]

Great video with an important message. There is no such thing as a "True Fan" or "Real Fan", only different levels of liking.

[@flailingdragoon1072]

Here's my two cents. I think gatekeeping can be good in the context of retaining complexity. You're completely correct that everyone should be allowed to try out DND (or any other TTRPG). It doesn't matter who they are. What matters, imo, is when a lack of understanding leads to frustration and creates this idea that something needs to change to cater to those who don't want to learn. Naturally, we shouldn't berate someone for being new to a hobby and not understanding what to do. We shouldn't berate them when they hit a wall and react negatively. We help, we teach, and hopefully they can also get why that thing is enjoyable. However, I'd say that there is a point where you do have to put your foot down and say "Listen, it's fine if you don't enjoy this system. But a great number of people do and they do so because that's how it works. Maybe it's just not your thing" I think that making something less complex for the sake of broader appeal is a very underwhelming way of dealing with this scenario. Even if a lot of the time it works from a financial standpoint, it tends to alienate the people who originally helped the thing become popular in the first place. Hope this doesn't come off as douchie.

[@JenniePoo520]

Great job Mike.

[@abrahamroloff8671]

Never thought of myself as a gatekeeper to the game, but... Damn, called me out toward the end there and I see it now from the other side. Will try to be better about it from here on out.

[@lkriticos7619]

This is one of those things that I don't really know how to respond to because on the one hand, I get responses like that all the time and on the other, I *know* my experience is an outlier given where I live. And I think the only conclusion I have (as someone with weird experiences muddling through in a pace where experience can be such a marker of belonging) is that everyone makes assumptions. We all assume what other people's experiences/history will be roughly like. We assume different levels of knowledge in different areas for the people we're talking to. And assumptions in and of themselves aren't bad, they're a natural thing our brains do. You become the asshole when you refuse to reassess, refuse to examine your own assumptions and when you start making your assumptions someone else's problem.

[@JamesLee-ky4dx]

Thanks Mike. Well said. I’ve got a friend and DnD player who has never seen the lord of the rings… this video made me realise I’ve said the exact same thing. Thanks for bringing it to attention as a good reminder

[@SupergeekMike]

I’ve done this SO often with movies, so I definitely feel that 👍

[@alearnedman]

I'd argue showing "surprise" when someone doesn't know about something is perfectly fine, so long as you follow up that surprise with enthusiastic inclusivity. E.G. "You've never seen Star Wars?! It's one of my favorites, and I really think you'd like it too."

[@smiteysmite2368]

This video was great!

[@ryanthomasjones]

I'm sure I've been guilty of this. Thanks for being a good influence.

[@mattewald9378]

For the person complaining about “rolling for no reason” it is a great way to let the players know something is up without telling them calling for a perception check keeps them engaged and let’s them know there’s something to perceive. Also it is a great way to build tension call for that perception check knowing there’s nothing then making a note on a pad and saying “good to know” immediately puts them on edge. Lastly rolling is fun my wife plays with us but isn’t really into it she just wants to be with the people she likes but she loves to roll the dice and if there is a season that she doesn’t get to roll something she doesn’t have as much so we keep her rolling

[@crimfan]

I'm not a noob player but I have been a noob recently as I've started doing Pilates last year. That's a very female-dominated area and I'm a man, with an accident-related back problem which Pilates has helped enormously. Guess what... there was some gatekeeping! It helped that I tried very hard and got decent at it, at least as decent as I am going to get with fused vertebrae and neuropathy, but it's a tricky issue. Fortunately one of the instructors was fantastic and making things really welcoming and scaffolding new students. I've seen it in a lot of areas. People want to see if you're going to fit in with their group and that can involve some boundaries put up, especially if they perceive some "stranger danger". All that said, I agree... gatekeeping really needs to be kept in check if a hobby isn't going to just turn into a small niche of angry grognards, like tabletop wargaming or jazz jams has.

[@FuckItAll1001]

This video is great, not only for the 'old school' who wants to change, but for the 'new blood' to feel validated too, but specially for those who don't want to change, hope they get the message. I 100% agree with you. hahaha

[@benry007]

This was useful to be reminded about. Sometimes we say things in jest that put people off. I have started a one shot game at my local gaming store and have different players every week. Its a big responsibility to introduce people to the hobby in a way that makes them feel welcome.

[@scetchmonkey007]

Been playing DnD for 25 years I've only seen one example of gatekeeping via racism at the table. I joined a new group and a non-white player was at the table. the DM nick named him Black Steve, yet he was only half-black and his name was not steve. But he seemed to be okay with the nickname and everyone was having fun at the table. To this day I don't remember his name as I only played a few sessions. If I had known him better maybe I'd understand more if this hurt his feeling or was completely fine with it as we played at the table. And that covers alot about what makes a good game or a bad game. If the DM is running a fun game and everyone is having fun, off color jokes can be completely fine at the table, as well as any decision a DM makes in the heat of the moment to try to keep the story rolling. Chris Perkins making this joke with someone he has known for a long time perfectly okay but in some contexts this could be a really bad thing to say. So I think people in general should not read to much into others D&D tables. as you are literally judging people for how they handle their own personal relationships with friends. Friends are often more comfortable making bad jokes with each other than strangers, the difference is now you get to see these relationships in a D&D video feed, and some limited high school mind comes to life in some people and they judge others for it. We know who these people are they are the bad players the "That Guys" at the table who demand others play the game they way they want which is not conducive to a group. These players will either learn to socialize better with others or keep their elitest views and bounce from table to table never fitting in.

[@toffepajja]

I can attest to this. I commented on an spin-off animes MAL page that it was the first thing I'd seen of that particular show, and I was enjoying it. The first response I got was "how have you not watched the original series" or something somesuch, and I don't think I didn't even finish the spinoff as a result. On the other side of gatekeeping: An old friend's boyfriend would drop animes he liked if they got popular.

[@lonsiedos]

All it takes is one experience to really cement how a system can impact you. My first jump into CoD (geist: the sin eaters specifically) was wonderful and because i had a group that was willing to explain and embrace rule of cool kind of things to let us play around with a fun story. we haven't finished the campaign yet but I still have fond memories and want to try more. My first experience with Pathfinder was my ex telling me it was "way more interesting and cool than whatever crap 5th edition dnd was coming up with" and that "the rules are what make it worth playing" and then refusing to explain beyond that. I still haven't played it, and probably won't ever give it a shot because it still frustrates me. If you want people to share in your love of something, make it something they can enjoy with you and not a weapon to use against others.

[@OrganMuncher]

Unrelated specifically to the realm of D&D, and not necessarily fully relevant, exactly, but I've been a fan of metal music and anime/manga for a good portion of my life and I've been on the receiving end of the question "how could you even like this?" plenty of times. It always stung, felt demeaning, and dismissive of my likes, tastes, and passions. I've also been on the receiving end of the question "how have you never..." on many occasions and regarding many things - music, games, TV shows, movies, and it never really fully clicked until right now but it feels the same, it cuts deeply in the same manner. At some points, it even came to me shutting myself down/out of many things so that I wouldn't "expose" myself as the uncultured swine I felt I was. Even worse was that whenever such a question popped, it was almost guaranteed that I would never have any interest in whatever the subject of the question was. It's an interaction where everyone loses. Due to these experiences, I've always made a conscious effort to avoid this behavior, if nothing else so that I wouldn't make others feel the way I felt, and along the way I've realized that exactly like the "lucky 10,000" comic shows, being a part of someone discovering some cool new thing is extremely enjoyable in and of itself; in a way, it's almost like rediscovering those things for yourself, which everyone wishes they could. Over the question "how have you never...", I've always liked reacting with something along the lines of "looks like our plans for Friday are settled", and I'd really wish that was the norm for everything, especially considering how easy it is to do. Props on the decision to directly call out comments, too. I have some less gently articulated opinions of my own about the whole "wokeness" thing and the way the pendulum swings, but using "woke" not even as a direct insult, even simply using it to unironically make fun of something is just on a whole 'nother level of blegh.

[@mkang8782]

"No True Scotsman" logical fallacy is never welcome. Good message, sir.

[@jeffwhittingham5314]

That got you a new sub. Well said.

[@pyra4eva]

Gatekeeping always seemed like the manifestation of the "entry level job: requires 20 years experience" meme. I always tell people that if I invite you to my game, it's because I want to spend time with you and have fun. The rules help give a baseline but beyond that, we can literally do whatever we want because it's all make believe. Jumping off the whole rolling for PTSD, we were playing a one-shot that my boyfriend was running. My cousin was playing Tim Drake/Robin and I was playing Nightwing. We had just narrowly escaped from Deathstroke. Nightwing had been shot twice and I had succeeded on some clutch rolls. There was a whole train derailment and sneaking up to a rooftop. My cousin figured that Tim had only been Robin for maybe a year and he's only a 15 year old boy so she gave it to fate to see if he would hold it together. She posed the idea and we went with it. She posed the parameters which my boyfriend agreed to and rolled. She failed so she had Tim freak out. He was sobbing and started to hyperventilate. It opened the door for them to stop being superheros and start being brothers. Grayson, who has been doing this superhero stuff for well over a decade, had to calm Tim and be a big brother, even helping Tim with patching up his own wounds. It was such a sweet moment that wouldn't have happened if we just "followed the rules". It's also interesting because my boyfriend, who is a burly white guy with a giant beard, has said over and over again that the best games has been with me and my lil group which consists of nonwhite ladies.

[@Neuroshimi]

"Not acting surprised that someone doesn't know X" is imo bad advice because it's unachievable. It's not wrong to be surprised, it's wrong to be surprised in a hostile way. We tend as human beings to associate ppl we like with positive values f.e. hobbies we like and on subconscious lvl we decided that if they are cool and we like them they must likes things we like. If you are good person and good friend and create positive atmosphere around you, ppl are not afraid to admit they don't know something. And to DMs who want only experienced players and then birch about that there are none, they are. They're playing with us, who brought them to the game and taught them. Because they have so much fun with us.

[@RPGtourguide]

As you said at the start, Chris Perkins’ comment was obviously a joke and I feel not out of character for the jokes that are made by this group of players. But I definitely see the issue you’re talking about here. You don’t want to discourage someone from speaking up when they need something explained. Plus, if the joke does make the person uncomfortable, then you’ve ruined their moment of surprise or realization when you tell them about this horrible tarrasque that is standing before the party. And those moments are so awesome for new players!