The Three Loves Theory of Narcissistic Relationships

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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

In a narcissistic relationship there's three rings, The Engagement Ring The Wedding Ring and The Suffa Ring

[@radicalauthenticity316]

Stitches and thank you.

[@cfleagle1]

and then, the Day of Reckoning...the divorce.

[@JJtvee]

One ring to unite them ALL!

[@GregMunro]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient

[@DarylSimpson58]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@GregMunro]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..

[@DarylSimpson58]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@GregMunro]

You wont regret it

[@CP-pe9ul]

To a young person, self love is always labelled by others as "selfishness"......when you grow older, you know the difference.

[@brentbrown2722]

Right. My ex-husband objectifying my body to coerce others into having sex with him because he thinks sex is just fun is selfish. Me telling him to not send nudes of himself to my coworkers while we were still married was self-love. In his narcissistic mind, this is reversed l, and he even told me so. He even tried to claim this was just a difference in personalities. Lol no, he's just a slut.

[@missbethbat]

The thing to embrace is not caring what other people/society thinks. I'm turning 34 this week and after having gone through 3 years of narcissistic abuse, upon reflection, I realized it cured me of desiring a romantic relationship. Once I left I stopped feeling physically ill, the brain fog cleared, and I regained my energy (much sleep and rest were needed) I realized how much I actually love my own company. How peaceful my life is and I thought, "well, I can't say I didn't get *anything* out of this last 3 years of hell". Because what I got was myself. I saved myself. I value(d) myself. I love(d) myself. Before I hated being alone and now I don't prefer it out of misery or bitterness, like you said - I prefer it because I'm free. I'm alive, I'm healing, the sun shines again, I can breathe again, and there's hope for my future again! I just had to choose me, and I did, and it's the best decision I've ever made. I was even able to quit smoking, nicotine entirely actually. Who cares if other people don't understand or think you're selfish? Why, yes. yes, I am, and it was about damn time ❤️‍🩹 #sorrynotsorry Cheers to anyone who also saved (chose) themselves. You're worth it and you always were.

[@mariehughey5390]

I believe in learning from our mistakes. The problem is properly identifying what the mistake is. I spent most of my life believing I was broken and unlovable, half right. I was broken. But not as badly as I felt. It took forever for me to realize I am lovable.

[@psource2305]

Typical narcissist has three loves in his/her life: "Me, Myself, I"... 😂

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

That’s funny 😂

[@ISquishWorms]

🤣 So true.

[@donnapotger8635]

💯

[@misse2013]

Good one!!! 👏 👏 👏

[@vickiegroome3220]

Third love is my dog. Unconditional caring . Loyal.

[@agata_bylina]

Totally! 😍🐕

[@Lady420Ganja]

We dont deserve them 🥲🥲

[@CatWSPRER]

I train and handle therapy animals. My current partner is a cat, and yes, he’s my unconditional love.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4-year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration, unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward, I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here.

[@Roselinekendris]

Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6-year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?

[@Roselinekendris]

Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners.

[@WoodnetRonnie]

Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her. Remarkable!

[@S7320]

I'd rather be alone than to spend another day with a narcissist. Both realities hurt, but I can be me in the former.

[@riddsgirl]

whoa... I said those exact words to myself before I left my ex. As soon as I was OK with being alone, I finally met someone decent and kindhearted.

[@mjeff4106]

Harmful family systems is something I've only become aware of in this last season of life. Healing and learning healthier coping mechanisms is invaluable. Thank you Dr. Ramani. Your videos have helped me tremendously.

[@AvaJulani]

Truth✨

[@pennienglert5771]

Same❤

[@janeydoe1403]

THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani! Nobody ever talks about self-love. The "norm" always seems to be about finding love outside of ourselves. Somehow it always takes two and "I" have to heal before I can be part of a healthy relationship (provided they're emotionally healthy, too.) The music and entertainment industries perpetuates this "message". When I say I'll never marry or enmesh my life ever again, it's not because I'm bitter or because I'm an empty shell. It's because I have come to a place where I feel good about my single status and at this point in my life (60's) the reasons I would do so in the first place, are long behind me. I would enjoy companionship. But again, they would have to come to the plate not looking for a transaction/some way to benefit, be it emotionally, financially, whatever.

[@genevalawrence801]

This resonates with me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@CatWSPRER]

I agree! I’m in my 50’s and have finally found a peace in living alone (with fur babies). I will never marry again.

[@VeteransPropertyManagement]

That is what I have been thinking. The Greatest Love of All is my self-love. Having my own back. Not expecting someone else to “save” me. Thank you Dr. R.

[@plumduff3303]

I never had any relationships with anyone because my parents told me I was rubbish, ugly and a vile person so I couldn't face any rejection from the opposite sex. I have a huge hole where the confidence for relationships should be. I grew up and am alone. My heart goes out to narcissist survivors ❤ I have found peace as I'm old now. My parents ruined my development I will never forgive them for the emotional harm they did to me.

[@Sandy.4875]

❤

[@misse2013]

I'm sorry ❤

[@catherinereichling6367]

Some people don't deserve the honor of being a parent! My heart aches for what they put you through, I am so sorry!

[@BillyJupiter]

Dr. Ramani. There is no way for me to repay you. To repay you, in a balanced and fair way. Other than to let you know. You've made it able to see Clearly, even though it's still raining. You've made room for breathing. You've taken away doubt(s). You've brightened days. And made moments for my mind to sit back and not feel the troubles while dealing with them. I'm utterly utterly Grateful. ! Thank You Very Much. And see ya next time! 💪🏽👍🏽🤝🏽

[@amulyadsl]

Love the idea of the "third - unconditional - love" being YOURSELF!

[@Victoria-c4n]

Yes! I loved myself enough to decide to NEVER SETTLE! After making this absolute promise to myself, I met a healthy person & we’ve been married 41 years!

[@euchiron]

I love the idea of the final love being oneself. This is beautiful ❤

[@robsnodgrass915]

You have the nicest way of explaining how hopeless trusting anyone actually is. Thanks for your honesty; to say it's really difficult to find, be prepared for, and accept another person as trustworthy is optimistic as it gets. Good luck to everyone.

[@cloudyskies5497]

The third love is you. Thank you for this Dr. Ramani! I needed to hear it and it came at a good time. I am the love of my life.

[@sherrypennington6015]

Tough times. Learning self love. I’m trying. Thank you Dr Ramani. So glad I found you on KZbin.

[@christelleny]

I really want to believe that after we survive narcissistic abuse and understand our attachment style, traumas, and the way we [erroneously] get our need for validation fulfilled, we ARE better equipped to recognize green flags and find that third love/phase based on respect, communication, support, healthy conflict, etc. But Dr. Ramani is right: we need to love ourselves first. ❤

[@sparkygump]

My third, and most cherished, love is my Beagle.

[@JONNIE-u5u]

My three loves. It’s me and my two dogs.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I’ve never had a good love story. They’ve all been toxic. I was sucked in used and abused by them. They were manipulative trauma bonds that started with passion then became awful. I don’t know if I will ever have a real healthy romantic love. But I have other healthy safe loves like my kitty cats. ❤ Working on myself and keeping the toxic people out. ❤ Giving myself that love. ❤❤Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@ISquishWorms]

Sounds familiar, animals are great. I love the birds that come and visit the bowl of food I leave out for them and seeing them bring their chicks to feed in the sping.

[@CatWSPRER]

My cat is a registered therapy animal. We work with juveniles in detention. The healing power of animals is incredible!

[@sandravilla1924]

Not only for romantic love, but also for friendships.

[@sushmayen]

My feelings of love died a natural death after the emotional abuse.

[@DawnSelby-k5w]

@sushmayen My feelings of love were murdered.

[@fillistine]

What is love? I dont know it! It is in songs to woo us into a mans' arms, so his needs will be fulfilled.

[@milindamcdougall1862]

Yeah, they think that once they've got you, you are their toy forever. They are shocked to find your feelings can change because of mistreatment. Quote from my first husband, "I know I treated you like crap, but I never thought you'd leave!!!"

[@Felix4art192]

Add physical abuse to that and I'm right there with ya!

[@Felix4art192]

​@milindamcdougall1862 wow, I'm sorry, that's horrible. And he even admitted it, what an ass!

[@ceciliaabraham384]

I am crying, not out of sadness, but because I found the greatest love of all is inside of me. 🎉 The vision that will be alone in true authenticity is beautiful., liberating and comforting.

[@denisedevoto5703]

All my relationships were toxic including my two marriages. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful man later in life who was in toxic relationships too. We have been living together for 6 years, are healing together and are having so much fun in later life.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@denisedevoto5703 I believe that is the secret to a good relationship no doubt is having fun. ✨✨

[@vivihermosillo2461]

I don't believe that mess. You can make it work with anyone who is mature and committed. I had my worst relationship with my first love. We were so immature, too young to know who we really were or wanted in life. It was rough getting over it, but I'm so glad we are both better off.

[@maryellenyork2819]

Narcissists do not and cannot behave in a mature way. To stay in such a relationship means endless suffering.

[@mariefrasier6939]

My four marriages were all toxic. The last one lasted 20 years off and one. There were no names to describe these relationships and no knowledge to figure out what was going on. Just condemnation of it was all your fault for not gettin along. Am in my late eighies and just now discovering what was wrong. Thank you Dr Ramani!

[@sb8923]

Thank you! I acutally had this in my mind for almost a year now: after everything I went through I finally have found love but not for another person ... for me. It took 52 years to be myself, to love myself and to be at home within myself. And to feel who I really am is the most beautiful feeling I have ever had. It is warm, cozy, kind, peaceful and very safe. I will never ever leave myself again because no other human being can give me what I have already insight of me.

[@katieschmid1030]

Wow. This is EXACTLY my story. I have never heard of the 3 loves theory but I am a poster child for it!!

[@SylPaperworks]

The third love is unconditional self love. Got to love that! ✨🙏

[@karifoto]

Absolutely Dr. Ramani! You’re the best! 💜

[@lt827]

This video was thought provoking. It never occurred to me before but I I now see that my narcissistic mother really liked my high school boyfriend. My sister told me many years later that she tried to get him to date her after I broke up with him. "He was dating the wrong sister" Yuck!! This also set the template for my mother triangulating against me with my partner.

[@heathercarter2475]

...I've wondered the same about my mother and my ex..tried to talk about it and she won't talk with me, claiming she wants to save our relationship but has been ignoring me for months (I had told her about patterns and behavior I'd remembered between them) I don't believe her.

[@dbt2910]

1st late teens, love bombed then neglect then discarded, no goodbyes. Ruminated for decades since background is narc family. The love bomb was great. But since being educated by Dr Ramani, that 1st was a narc. Now, can say rumination is gone. Never got heart in right place, 2nds were just short terms-2 long distances, 1 narc user. 3rd is me. Too late for anything coz narc mother still here. Every night, I get clarity from Doc. Can work on myself & to find pieces of (sanity) small joys, and goal is to keep finding to thrive. Thanks Doc.

[@jrhc3827]

Multiple here! Yeh--when I heard only 3 main "love" relationships, I thought, this discussion isn't for me! And yes! The third may be ourselves. I've definitely learned to turn away from relationships instead of giving the benefit of the doubt ad nauseam. I looked for love outside of myself with way too many people in many wrong places for far too long. Got pretty down on myself for that until I remembered the stuck little smart good girl who just wanted to be heard and nurtured. You've made me cry again. ;)

[@andron967]

Great topic !

[@orielwiggins2225]

And here's to all of us having that third love story, no matter if we're still stuck in the relationship with the second type or not. May we learn a deep love, compassion, and "I got your back" ness for ourselves!

[@Jae-by3hf]

I love the ending of this video, it sounded like a happy fairy tale ending! We need more of these types of endings in the media! The truest of loves is of ourselves 💜

[@margaretgrace5902]

So insightful. My first 2 loves were on the narcissist spectrum. After learning from Dr.R. and leaving the 2nd relationship, my healing journey has taken me to learn to truly love and honor myself, and as a karmic bonus, a third love with a humble loving soul that I never saw coming has come to be. I needed to learn and heal to fully appreciate and engage with this man.

[@janepoppet3843]

Nowadays, I think of the first love more as experimental love. My other relationships have been trauma bond - normalised to me by my upbringing. Ironically, the people I didn't see as romantic interests (but, looking back now, were so authentic) were most likely lost opportunities to experience authentic connection and possibly very healthy for me.

[@caroleminke6116]

We’re not attracted to normal because it’s so unfamiliar & I probably ran from them before I began to parent myself

[@matthewwozniak9138]

One of my first loves passed away recently. I still go to the park where we had a good times together. I really wished things would had turned out better for both of us. I still keep her tucked away in my heart and memories.

[@chaohuang816]

"The third love is YOU. It is the unconditional love with ourselves." It just touches deep in my heart, Dr. Ramani Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!🙏☺

[@jayashreemitra6905]

Totally agree! Thank you for all you do.😊

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

The third kind sounds like a good friendship which is a gift from heaven 😊❤

[@misse2013]

I love this- and I'm experiencing that third love with myself. 8yrs out from the 2nd love (with kids & a messy divorce). And I've been able to test out the waters in dating, and pass on people in didn't feel comfortable with. I now feel 100% comfortable with not being in a relationship for the rest of my life. To any moms & dads- you can be a much better parent to your kids when you're not busy trying to save a toxic relationship. They only get one childhood. Let them remember it with a loving mom/dad. Not a stressed out parent and a toxic environment.

[@JoyceSalt]

I am a 3 love story person. In high school I was in love with the boy across the street and was too scared to even talk to him. At age 23 I met Mr. Narcissist who messed me up. At 27 I married a man I didn't know very well and we've been married 50 years. It was hardly happily ever after but there was a lot of personal growth on both our parts as well as pain. We owned our own pain and worked out of it over the decades.

[@TrueNorthArts]

Your conclusion aligns with the work that I'm doing in therapy with a focus on self-esteem, self-love, and trusting myself to recognize what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for the type of relationship I'm in and communicate/advocate healthy boundaries. Thanks for this video, as it affirms that I'm on the right track for me. 🎉 BTW I've been married twice and both had the qualities of emotional abuse and narcissism.

[@ewkeenan]

Great video. I think it’s good to step back and talk about relationships from the point of view of love and not always some toxic diagnosis. Perfect conclusion, the first love is love yourself.

[@annettglass7290]

The truth has always been that you have to love yourself first .🧡🙂🍁🌻

[@michaelobrien8661]

Eighteen years with a narcissist. Two children totally messed up because I could not protect them from her toxicity. Totally my fault. Totally broken from the heartache that marriage caused those innocent kids. No three loves for me. I'm out. I will never risk intimacy again.

[@melisherwood5300]

Don’t let his bad experience poison your future and chance for healthy love.

[@stmeal31]

I enjoy your, simplicity, while decoding.

[@shellshelly5552]

Wow! I love this. Thank you Dr. Ramani. You never disappoint.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

I’ll save this video. I often feel pressure to conform and can’t really explain to people why. Don’t want to either. Thank you!

[@dlouise5680]

Thank you, Dr Ramini. This is true for me. A first love, one last mature love, and a bunch of toxic loves in the middle.

[@lesabrydson2526]

My true love story 💗 is me being happy being single. Powerful Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🤲🇯🇲👑💗

[@cymbolichuman433]

I'm such a ho...I've had love stories all my life. I thought I had unconditional love.I thought a whole bunch of things. I've been through a lot of stupidity.

[@mariehughey5390]

Wisdom comes from experience (aka living and learning)… and a lot of stupid stuff.

[@Altakanne]

The toxic one was the first one for me. Stuck with it for a decade. Others told me "ooh, a highscool sweetheart"... But others saw the truth and either doubted themselves in how to help me (they did, in their own way♥) or accepted it because it wasn't their problem.

[@pavschodyko6531]

Heard that too. 1. Your first one where we’re young and naive 2. One we think we’re way clever this time 3. I’m waiting 😂

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you so much for this great insight! I have had several journeys with "love" in whatever form it appeared! Magically (unexpectedly) I met someone abroad who is so not American (not entitled) every time we talk I am stunned by the absence of the fluffed up ego or screaming insecurities ! Thank you universe!

[@km-my4un]

Great video. The third great love has to be you. Or else You repeat your trauma cycle. Thanks

[@tacottogetherness7604]

I had a toxic first love then a toxic unstable relationships followed by a stable toxic relationship

[@blu-r7h]

I listened to the video this morning. By this evening I had to refer to it especially in the last love to bring focus to a confusing family incident that brought up pain for me. Grateful for the tools you are bringing.

[@teresamanyosa]

❤❤❤❤❤ I love the way you framed this. Thanks so much

[@user-vx5lb4iw2q]

I do 💯 I am in the 3rd relationship

[@grantscullard3542]

Yup. The early one that went nowhere. The one that went wrong, and M2 the perfect one, still going strong. The family did not like any. Nor did they go to either wedding….

[@kellivermillion4417]

I am the perfect love ❤️ I have... Been abused, beaten, torn apart, raped, and molested. I dont dwell on any of it! I gave it to God! And I still have my spirit, And peace of mind.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@orielwiggins2225]

Oh my gosh yes! Right before you said it, I was like, no thanks, that third love story is mine with myself! Yes, if someone gets added onto it, that's just gravy. But I don't need it and I'm not looking. I've got me to invest in and heal and take care of. It would look So different than the average anyway if it were to be with someone else. ❤❤❤

[@PCAGA2298]

I don’t really follow this pattern. Married the narcissist when I was young. I’m stuck with him 38 years later. I am severely ill and he is financially abusive. I’m literally trapped 😢

[@maevebutler4641]

I love the self-love with the third love I enjoy my own company, and my dog is my loyal companion Not closed off to ever meeting someone to share my life with, but im afraid the bar is set very high after Surviving such a horrendous experience with ex malignant narcissist I don't socialise as i am an introvert & enjoy my single peaceful life in my 60s I have my 3adult children and 3 adorable Grandchildren who I see on a regular basis My present passion is stylish new clothes and treats that I never have given myself throughout that toxic marriage so I guess my 3rd best relationship I have is with myself and I'm loving it Thank you Dr.Ramini for providing me with my toolbox to heal & your daily videos which I will continue to watch for as long as you keep making them Bless your sweet soul ❤

[@annam.4184]

Thank you very much Dr Ramani. Thank you for saying that. Have a blessed day ❣️

[@SummaGirl1347]

First love: You love each other but, the time is not right. Second love: You love them but, they are playing you. True love: You give up on people and get a dog.

[@leeannschaffer1433]

YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!🎉 This is truly wonderful! 💖

[@Rezellen]

Oh, this makes perfect sense. It’s the first love the I don’t care. This is fun because you’re young and you really honestly don’t know what you’re doing. Then there’s the second relationship where you’re just abused and you question everything and you lose trust and faith and everything and like I always say love is like a pet that you have to put down. It just takes a while before you wanna get another dog or cat or fall in love. So when you finally decide that you’re gonna fall in love, you don’t screw it up because you’ve learned you’ve learned and you’ve taken that knowledge and that knowledge becomes relevant.

[@Rezellen]

But honestly, that second narcissistic relationship yeah we might repeat that three or four times by the time we get really tired of it that’s when we find the third one because we’re just not gonna put up with any more bullshit. We learned something or smarter. Sometimes it takes a few tries though.

[@shivranjani5349]

Agree completely with the course life takes when the first love does not fructify into permanence. One becomes insecure and susceptible to toxic patterns. Until! you discover that you are complete in yourself and don’t need anyone to complete you, validate you or even love you. There is a spiritual growth that must follow a messy narcissistic relationship. There can be no other reason for them to come into your life. Thank them for their role in your growth and move on happily.

[@karentrail8077]

Your information is really helpful. Going through a discard after a long marriage is very painful. I like the Number 3 story.

[@riddsgirl]

I had toxic in high school followed by toxic, toxic, toxic, toxic, then finally the real thing. But I kept trying, and it was worth it.

[@iMetaTV]

Doctor what happens is that we get sick of this toxic person and we don't want nothing to do with somebody like that it's actually a good thing that you go through this if you can get rid of the narcissist person if you can't get rid of them you're screwed

[@mollykayramstack6193]

Interesting! Spot on with my 1st and then my 2nd was an alcoholic, so it was bad. He later in life called me as he went through the 12 Steps to make amends. I honestly didn't run into any narcissistic relationships until my 40's and most vulnerable times - then got nailed with 3 in a row. 6:12

[@cfleagle1]

When I saw the title The Three Loves… I thought you were referring to how he always thought it was necessary for a third party for himself? Glad I listened to the video. Thank you!

[@MrsD3Aer]

I had only manipulative and toxic relationships, not strange if you grow up in a toxic family. I only go now for “healthy” friendships…. I’m too old for another love relationship

[@Amanda-if1wn]

It’s amazing God gives us everything we need and no one wants it 🤷‍♀️everybody chooses trouble. People are haters, pervs, arrogant or adolescent goof balls. Life was so tough. Good thing we didn’t know how hopeless it was all those years. That hope kept us going. Now just living away from haters and their enablers is paradise. ❤

[@blakematthews9608]

My narc and I are each other's first relationship.

[@annetteencalada2667]

None, have been that healthy. Only one better than the rest, even that, wasn't healthy. I gave up. I'm happier by myself. I'm too scared to try again. Yup, I love life now.😊

[@Nat-oj2uc]

Unconditional love is bs. Every love is conditional. Also narcs love story is actually they're looking for a mom they never had and never will obviously so they're lost case

[@sallycascario5311]

Yes, I am my third love!

[@georgirancour198]

my first at 16 was also my second until 55. and my third is def me.

[@carlosdelgado8970]

I am one of those with the 3 loves theory

[@rachelberwickhodges]

Maybe I'm a "four love" person. There was the young love that was heady and fun and ultimately unhealthy. The second love was a dumpster fire with a guy who was probably a sociopath. The third one initially seemed great but the guy was really manipulative and went on to mistreat his next partner. I realized I was attracted to dangerous guys. My fourth and final love has been married to me for sixteen years and is sweet, easygoing, humble and a joy to be with. People say I'm lucky, but this didn't just fall into my lap. I had to do a lot of work on myself and not settle for less than I deserved.

[@o.revi.]

Thank you Dr. Ramani (-^^-) I thoroughly enjoyed your last part in the Love Theory ❤ My pops is the Narcissist in my life and through my 20 years journey of love/relationships, I ended up coming across a man who has helped me to identify what a good partner is for me. It really does come from loving yourself to listen to the person you love. 🐭I can see a story about chiron to venus here 💛🧡

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

I don’t really think I ever really had a first love experience. The only time I dated was a set up from a mutual friend, and it only lasted 3 weeks. I’ve had crushes, but never went beyond that. But I do believe that it’s a very interesting theory that stands for a lot of people, stemming from their brokenness. I grew up in a covert narc home and immediately back to back with another covert narc. But now I’ve begun to love me and re parent myself. It’s been a long journey, but worth it.

[@milindamcdougall1862]

Wow. This describes my relationship history to a tee. There were two really toxic ones in between the first love and the unconditional love relationship I've been in for the past 19 years. Unfortunately, I had kids with the toxic ones.

[@BuckleyThompson]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@Ivar-V]

My first love were my parents. They were both toxic. Set me up for a life of bad relationships that im still paying for. My only hope is to have healed to a point where i can start building healthy ones.

[@kindredinspirit]

Strange, I’m waiting for my third love story I’ve had four. First and third were good second and fourth narcissist abuse. Although the third did have cheating and lying issues he didn’t get violent but also didn’t validate my existence he is exactly like the second and fourth yet he was not verbally abusive just lived a double life and he cared financially for me and the kids u til they all graduated. Unlike any of the others I fending for my kids and self and rebuilt with long terms of healing and non dating I between them ie 7 years between each marriage. First lasted three years way too young, second 4 months, third 11 years and fourth 11 years. I left the first two the third left for a stripper love the fourth I’m leaving! I’m so done! My life was always best, free and enjoyed navigating my own life

[@zhoucheng7141]

i was in denial that i loved myself

[@ericawarren]

Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston "The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all"

[@yuu_miran]

Carmic bank account… Guilty!😂 still have those silly ‘hopes’🥴

[@majorbloodnok6659]

My third was an Avoidant (covert narc.?). There'll not be a fourth; I'm too old for any more nonsense.

[@mattpilcher1952]

It’s true there are three loves but I’ve been through the toxic ones one after another but the true love was 20 years ago in my heart I want her but to late