the wedding industry is out of control 😳 | Internet Analysis

[@tiffanyferg]

ok tbh I just wanted an excuse to chat about weddings so let's get into it!! part two will be about wedding reality shows, so if you have any suggestions, plz share. thank u!! :-)

[@froggykimmy]

first thing that pops up in my head is "Big Fat Gypsy Weddings". I always found that shows fascinating to see

[@rightwingleftwingchickenwi358]

Don’t tell the bride. It’s a UK show where the groom plans everything for the wedding.

[@laurenfoutch5097]

Four weddings on TLC is the only TLC show I can bear to watch. It is so fun to judge other peoples weddings haha and how competitive some of the brides are!

[@quixentric]

Mentioned this in another comment but highly recommend going consignment or second-hand for your dress! And don't feel pressured to wear white! I also have a sick love for the mess that is Say Yes To The Dress. My mom wanted to go to Kleinfeld's when we were in NYC back in 2010 and they were honestly the nicest people, even if we just wanted to say we walked in to take a look.

[@joannamattsson]

Married at first sight maybe? As a Swede I was surprised when I watched the American version, it focused a lot more on the bachelor/bachelorette party, the wedding itself and choosing the dress and all of that

[@eerenay]

Hot weddding reuse tip: For my wedding, I went to a non profit thrift store in a "rich grandma" part of town and got a ton of glass vases and bowls for our flowers and guest snacks. They were like 1-3 dollars a piece. Nothing matched, but that was the vibe of the wedding anyway. In total, I spent like 50 dollars. Then after the wedding, I donated it all back to the thrift store. My money went to helping ex-convicts re-enter society. I thought that move was really slick.

[@rochelle178]

This is what I'm doing! Mismatched bud vases on the tables, all from the non profit thrift stores. Many cost less than a dollar. I'll donate most of them back to the thrift stores when I'm done. Haven't decided yet how I'll display the dessert (if it'll be displayed at all) but I'll get what I need at the thrift stores!

[@justwhy9427]

My mother did a similar thing for the candy bowls at my Bat Mitzvah! Except we didn’t really have to go all that far because we basically live in one of the less opulent parts of a very, very wealthy county. Was super cute and we probably saved over $200 because of it

[@nico3446]

Love this!

[@user-vw2jq3to5e]

Yes!! I’ve also heard stories of people copping beautiful wedding dresses for $30 at thrift stores. There’s an entire second hand market people should take advantage of, the dresses are worn once after all

[@meghansullivan6812]

Ahhhh that’s brilliant!!

[@llandriel5028]

We initially disappointed both of our families by deciding to get married at the town hall. On a Tuesday afternoon. We reserved the upstairs floor of tea room for a couple of hours. I bought my dress from TJ Maxx . The initial uproar from select members of the family was childish and venomous. I received a “for nine months I carried you” letter from my mother, who then took to her bed to rest her poor nerves. In reality the day was lovely and a pleasant surprise for those who showed up. The whole affair lasted about 3 hours and, after sending our guests away with cupcake favours, got changed and jumped on a train to the seaside for the night. In truth, life hasn’t been all that easy in the eight years since we got married. But when I need to look for light in dark places, memories of my wedding day fills my heart.

[@tiffanyferg]

It’s really wild how invested some people are in other people’s weddings! You’d hope they’d all just be happy for you, whatever you choose, but that’s not always the case. I’m glad you have fond memories of your wedding 💛

[@Dvgteeth]

That sounds like a near perfect wedding 😍

[@TuesdaysArt]

Ooo, I love the Tuesday wedding thing!

[@llandriel5028]

Thank you ☺️💖

[@sara61696]

Happy to hear you chose the wedding that made you and your partner happy above all

[@XatxiFly]

One of the more cursed straight culture things is how we expect the bride alone to do the bulk of the planning, or even all of it. There's a reason event planning is a whole industry of full-time professionals. Even if you somehow have zero angst over the aesthetics and particulars of your OWN WEDDING, even a modest event can be a *staggering* amount of work - advanced executive logistical shuffling, *deeply* complex social management, detailed research and smooth business dealings, to say nothing of the damned budgeting. I truly loathe how we give women this message that the wedding will represent their crowning achievement as a person and therefore must be exquisite, then absolve men of any responsibility to collaborate equally on the labor, then mock and scold any woman who seems stressed out or "overinvested" in the process as a Bridezilla. You *told her* this is all she is as a person and that she has to do it without help, and now you get to laugh at her for not handling her demeaning pigeonholing with some kind of sublime Christian grace.

[@tiffanyferg]

Big yep!! I’ll be talking more about this in part two but totally agree

[@aimeelelievre9280]

this is one of the best comments I've seen on the internet today- content AND execution!! Made me cackle, but it is fucking sad and true too

[@SpaztasticSheep]

Right? This makes me insane

[@iluvzurara2]

seriously! my bro in law was like this and infuriatingly proud -_- i could see the stress in his wife. i always said that if we want a traditional wedding like that there will be no wedding if im doing all the planning. fuck that.

[@meganchambers8108]

"cursed straight culture things" just made me think of the "bride dragging the groom to the altar" tropes/jokes/wedding-cake-toppers.

[@anothercoginthemurdermachi7209]

“Most expensive event you’ll ever have…” The funeral industry probably rivals them and if anything is way more sinister since it’s taking advantage of people during their grief. InvoCare is pretty awful in Aus. With weddings, everyone wants to put more money toward the honeymoon these days. At least in my circles.

[@manicpepsicola3431]

And that's after they already had a cultural uproar in the 60s around how predatory funerals could be especially after jfks assassination

[@emmabunch-benson4795]

Dude trueeee she should do an internet analysis on this too

[@marisa768]

Totally agree with you on the funeral industry! We had next to no money to plan my grandmother's funeral in late 2019, and I can't even explain how predatory the funeral home was, never even showing us options for caskets, etc. that were remotely affordable for us. This is here in the USA, but I'm sure it's very similar in a lot of other countries. Weddings are optional expenses (at the end of the day), but a proper burial is a real tribute to someone, so it's harder to justify not forking over whatever amount of money you can for a funeral.

[@annejia5382]

upping this so tiffany could see thiiiisss would love to have a topic about the funeral industry

[@nataliejones6626]

I was just getting ready to comment on this. Not hard to spend 7 grand on a funeral with a casket burial for 1 person. At least a wedding is for 2 people

[@tamooz6649]

I feel like "outfit repeating" is more of a class issue. Being a kid growing up in a poor household, you wear what you have until it gets holes/stretches/marks, then it becomes pajamas 😂. So I never have a problem outfit repeating I think the people that call someone out for repeating an outfit have never had to think about the price/quantity of their clothes

[@YOYO-dv8gv]

I always found it so odd why some people found it almost scandalous if you repeat clothes. You bought them to wear. What's the point of buying clothes to wear them once lol.

[@Iceechibi]

@@YOYO-dv8gvExactly! I have one wedding coming up (black-tie dress code) and another formal event for diplomatic relations. My old formal outfit is shot, so I do have to purchase a new dress, but I’m planning on getting one and using it for both and other events to come LOL

[@tamooz6649]

@@YOYO-dv8gv exactly like do u wear workout clothes once? Oh you're wearing your clothes again, thats odd 🥴

[@kerdunne3422]

I had no idea repeating outfits was a thing people didn't do? I'm not even poor but I always try to use every single piece of clothing I have throughout the year. I bought it, therefore, it's going to be used. Sounds like a bad consequence of normalizing fast fashion.

[@LeBatteur]

If I find a piece I like, I'm wearing it until it's not wearable anymore because a.) I'm poor and b.) I'm not a basic upper middle class asshole who only ever wears sweatshirts and jeans. I have to really hunt for things that I like, and when I find them, I'm not giving them up because y'all shallow and wasteful.

[@faribareads]

I think it's important to note that in cultures where opulent weddings are the norm, entire families foot the bill for the wedding. Whereas in the US it is quite common for the couple to pay for the wedding without much external support.

[@lucinda3964]

Not too long ago, it was the bride's family that would foot the bill for the wedding. Now I think it is much more common for the couple to pay for it.

[@shelly5016]

Yeah like in many Latin American countries, there are many sponsors to cover different things (sponsor of the cake, sponsor of the dj, sponsor of the dress/ accessories, sponsor of food/drinks, sponsor of the hall rental, etc.)

[@lizabethhampton4537]

It kinda reminds me of mom groups in the US who are like "your baby needs to be breastfed even if you can't do it!" with nary a word about things like wet nurses or enlisting family and community members who also just had kids for help in this area (or others related to childcare).

[@plumli4947]

I'm Chinese and large weddings are considered fundraising events, generally the guests donate the cost of the dinner at the very least. I recently got engaged and when I mentioned budget planning parents and parents-to-be said "what are you worried about, weddings pay for themselves."

[@lucinda3964]

@@plumli4947 honestly, this would be so much better. Especially better than a wedding registry. We had a few Asian friends and family that were very much "umm I don't understand this, we just do money." Money is great and wonderful. Though some traditions have a money hat, like pass a hat and put money in or pay money and dance with the couple.

[@JRey28]

To add to the conversation, at least in a heteronormative wedding, there is a vast disparity in the division of labor in the planning that is of course gendered.

[@tiffanyferg]

Absolutely!! I’ll be discussing that more in part two but yes it’s shocking (but also not that surprising unfortunately)

[@sara61696]

I've thought about this so much. The engagement ring seems to be your "paycheck" for taking on a part time / full time job of wedding planning. (Sigh...)

[@amyf654]

My husband is a project engineer and loves to plan things. He did 75% if not more of our wedding planning! I loved having to just choose between the top 3 choices he picked.

[@amadeosonier5995]

"heteronormative" wedding? you mean heterosexual?

[@yeoldelurking]

@@amadeosonier5995 nope, they’re different things.

[@somebicycle6684]

My husband and I got married young. We had no money, our parents had no money, and I refused to take out a loan for a wedding. So we had an extremely small wedding of only about 25 people and we had a meal in the church basement afterward that my mom and I cooked. To this day, many relatives make me feel guilty about that choice and it makes me so angry!

[@kaykeunil]

That sounds like a lovely wedding! I’ll take home cooked food over elaborate and expensive catering anytime. The best weddings I’ve been to have been small and personal. And I’ve been to a LOT of weddings considering I was the only one who could be flower girl in my entire extended family, im not even joking. I attended my 3rd cousin’s wedding not knowing who he was and boy was that a miserably long one

[@leaneves4376]

Honestly, sounds like a lovely time and wedding, they should not make you feel guilty for choosing what made you and your husband happy

[@candylide]

Really? It sounds cool If they wanted you to do a big wedding they should have paid for it!

[@starsun6363]

Da frick?! It's YOUR DAY!! Why do you have to spend it caturing to THEM!?!

[@caffeinatedkatie4696]

Same here. No money so everything we had people volunteered. I had my sisters dress, my brother in law cooked, my other brother in law took the pictures and we had the reception at my house. Publix cake cost the most I think at $160

[@gghhpuf]

My aunt's wedding was the most traditional one I've ever been to. It was in a little town in Spain, and both my aunt and my uncle were from that town. The reception was in our house, but decorated with A LOT of plants, all lended by the neighbours for that day. The ceremony was at the church (which is hundreds of years old) and the eating and drinking at the town's plaza. There were no material gifts, only money to pay a bit the expenses of the wedding. Also there is a tradition before the wedding where the groom and his friends go to the bride doorstep to sing to her, the night before the wedding. Almost the whole town was invited of course. My dad also told me that back then, it was the neighbours who came together to make the food for the wedding... I wouldn't want a wedding as big as that but I still think it is really lovely

[@tiffanyferg]

omg that sounds beautiful 💛

[@semicolon.advocate]

that actually sounds so cute and lovely :,) i would love to have a wedding like that

[@TheSarakania]

that sounds almost like mamma mia *_*

[@anonymph4570]

The part where they go to sing for the bride is the sweetest tradition I have ever heard of. While here in India we are not supposed to be in the same vicinity until the wedding night lol

[@бронза.вафля.конус]

That sounds like my imaginary favourite scene in a movie

[@baldbicth123]

I worked at David’s Bridal for 9 months this past year as a stylist and the job is basically to put as many items on the bride as possible and convince her to purchase everything at once and my manager would encourage us to basically gaslight, emotionally manipulate and sometimes even beg her if all else fails

[@abbygardner90]

Wish I had known this before I went haha, they convinced me to buy a $90 crenoline slip because I would “NEED” it so that I didn’t trip, and when I went to my seamstress for alterations we lifted up the layers of my dress, the under layers looked EXACTLY the same as the slip they sold me! I definitely did NOT need the slip 🤣 as soon as she ironed out all the crumpled up crenoline it was perfect and my feet don’t tug on any of the layers at all

[@asana_awakening]

Also previously worked at David’s Bridal for a few months, can second this; my experience was similar as a “stylist”.

[@iTzDritte]

My wife and I wanted to elope, but her parents would’ve killed us. Oh well, at least they’re the ones who footed the $50K bill.

[@TetraTerezi]

So glad you include your parents in your life. Do they tell you what positions to have sex in to?

[@gummibearzrule]

Yepp. I’m Indian and my parents will have a heart attack if I tell them I want to elope because extravagant and long weddings are the norm in our culture. I guess if they want to have a 48 hour status symbol at the cost of their retirement fund, that is their decision.

[@christynpolk2855]

Same!!

[@shortbreadgirlscout3463]

@@gummibearzrule I love the extravagant Indian weddings 😍. So, if there are any Indian doctors, lawyers, engineers out there, hi, I'm single. Let's get married! 😆

[@glochevalier]

I was in the same boat, but I spent a little over $6k on my glorified picnic

[@darcybhaiwala7057]

I appreciate your little disclaimer in the beginning about different cultural traditions when it comes to weddings and how "fuck tradition" comes with privilege. I'm Indian, and it's a real psychological and financial mess to plan a wedding from my own family's experience. Every cousin whose had a big fat Indian wedding has told me that their wedding was a nightmare and exhausting, despite each event being a blast for me. There's also been a phenomenon of Indian weddings becoming MORE elaborate post-pandemic, with the Zoom wedding not being enough and the pressure to have a celebration that looks like it took two years to plan. People's expectations are just too high after two years of quarantine.

[@ositaiza888]

oof that pressure to make the celebrations bigger since they had to wait?? god that must be exhausting

[@idontevenknow141]

100 percent agreed! im pakistani and I feel that weddings in my culture are more of an event for “showing off” rather than about the couple, so there’s a lot of pressure in throwing elaborate, crazy weddings with hundreds of people that end up putting people in financial loss. you were also spot on regarding the “pandemic wedding”-there’s no concept of that either! People still held big weddings despite the pandemic, and that’s how many caught covid:/

[@Himanshi.Y]

Especially as a women. Idk about South Indians but in North India the girls family has to pay and plan the whole wedding. I'm 22 and my grandparents and parents have already started saving for my big day. I just wish that they gave me that money in cash so that I can buy a house and a car and don't have to spend my life getting out of debt 😩

[@LauraConnolly]

There’s a bit in a to show I watched where there’s this Hindu couple planning their wedding and they ended up having to pay extra to make the ceremony not hours and hours long, can I ask is that accurate or dramatic make believe?

[@Himanshi.Y]

@@LauraConnolly well it depends on family, some Hindu wedding are in the morning and some at nights and those are usually the ones that last longer. In my parents case it lasted it 4 am in the morning 🙄. But i dunno you can pay to make it shorter 🤔. It depends on the guests, first we have dinner, some dance then people take pics with the bride and groom and then the actual ceremony. Only very close relatives remain to attend the actual wedding ceremony. But then again every wedding is different. This is usually what happens in my family.

[@lane6216]

Over 21 years ago my husband and I got married. We wanted something very small and intimate, but didn’t know how to accomplish that without upsetting everyone on both sides of our family. We had it at a historical house, with a max allowable guest list of 25 people. My idea. Genius. We paid $250 for the house rental, $100 for my bouquet, $30 for the cake, and $50 for his tux rental. His parents paid for the food for the reception, held right down the road at the small historic restaurant that was linked to the house, and my mother paid for my wedding dress. We had it in the evening. It was so cozy and personal. It was perfect.

[@tiffanyferg]

Lovely!! Also yes picking a venue with a small guest limit - perfect strategy

[@simplesimply3753]

Sounds amazing! I’ve looked at venues in my area and even for a normal party it’s still in the 1000 range. I only need a place for eight people to be for like two hours.

[@maddieb.4282]

@@simplesimply3753 you can get super creative with venues. Go outdoors at a park or beach, go camping, use a community center or church, a friends house, etc.

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

Perfect and they can’t argue with you on how many people can be there because it’s already capped with the location.

[@dani-888]

this sounds absolutely amazing

[@unamejames]

With regard to your "community buy in" theory, I had a history professor that did a lecture on why medieval rituals like coronations and weddings were so weird, public, and long/involved. This is how contracts were made among people who were largely illiterate in a time when there was no reliable record keeping. To be married, you needed dozens if not hundreds of people to remember seeing your families willingly and ritualistically consent to the agreement. So back then, this type of pomp performativity was EVERYTHING.

[@marcusanark2541]

Interesting, specially considering how war could easily kill many of the witnesses if there were only a few.

[@unamejames]

@@marcusanark2541 That's where the "weird" part comes in. People would describe to people who weren't there, like their children and grandchildren, what they witnessed. "I saw Sir Kyle kneel and spit on his own sword" or whatever would get passed on maybe hundreds of times by word of mouth. The rituals make memorable stories.

[@sparkymularkey6970]

Holy shit. That makes SO MUCH SENSE.

[@peytonpalmour5368]

I read an article (a decade ago, in college) about how marriage, in at least the modern US, does not offer a large day to day change in circumstances. Once, marriage marked a giant changed, it was often the first time the couple lived together, women might leave there jobs, or at least expect to leave with in a few years because of children. But now, if you already lived together, shared house hold expenses, are on birth control, etc. the state of marriage isn't radically different then the state before (as far as your day to day lives go, its very different legally). And so, because the circumstances of marriage no longer have this huge shifting power, the wedding itself has to take that cultural power. I think that might be part of the community buy in. If you know your life, day to day, isn't going to change post marriage, you want to sell to your community (and yourself) that this time is special and different and the rituals are all you have.

[@marcusanark2541]

That actually makes a lot of sense! If you remember the article definitely share it.

[@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY]

My husband and I had to foot the bill for our whole wedding. None of our parents have money. So we spent $60 on the marriage license and instead of saving for a party, we paid off $25,000 in student loans at age 26. Zero regrets.

[@overthinker_overanalyser]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@StephanieVeeMusic]

Wow. Wow! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@kayk480]

I’m glad you brought up the cost of being a guest! My sister had her wedding this month and they wanted to be “cheap” with it, so they apparently only spent $600 (majority of that going to her dress). The venue was essentially a field, and food consisted of hot dogs roasted over the fire, and it was bring your own booze and bring your own chair. Yet, their wedding registry had items starting at $200. I live 8 hours away from them, so it cost me more to travel to the location, pay for accommodation, pay for drinks, buy a chair, and buy a gift than it cost for their entire wedding.

[@tiffanyferg]

Yeah that’s a tough one! I’ve seen a lot of budget blogs & tips that basically recommend getting help from friends and family in various ways to save money, but offloading that cost onto your guests isn’t ideal either!

[@lesfibresfantastiques7265]

@@tiffanyferg well we asked for that kind of help, but specifically told those guest to not bring a gift! You can't expect both, that's crazy and egoist

[@CausaBrevitatis]

The wedding registry thing has always been so odd to me! I've only seen it in American movies. I'm sure some people do it here (Finland) as well - rich people with rich friends? - but most our friends are students like us so the thought is just wild to me! They all have to travel at least a bit to get to our wedding in the countryside, a few even come from nearby counties, so the (still relatively low, no airplanes needed) cost and inconvenience of travel is more than enough of a gift for us.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@CausaBrevitatis it used to be something the department store had for you so you wouldn't get six punch bowls or whatever. It wasn't about forcing people to get something expensive. You would make sure there were lots of cheap items on the list

[@emilyb.8219]

@@nineteenfortyeight I haven't been to that many weddings recently but every one I've been to or been invited to has had reasonably priced items (like $25) on their registry as well as more expensive ones.

[@bleakaf]

I've photographed a lot of weddings and it has revealed to me how absolutely conveyor belt so many of them are and utterly joyless in so many respects. the happiest weddings I've been too have definitely been the simplest, and ones that put guests' comfort (note: comfort, not envy) at the centre. also I live in the UK so maybe it's different here but I swear rehearsal dinners were not 'a thing' until rom-coms of the early 2000s tried to make them so.

[@DracoTriste]

Rehearsal dinners are usually just the wedding party and parents/siblings/children of the bride and groom, and they usually aren’t photographed. At least, that’s how they’ve been in the states for all of my memory and my mother/mother in law’s memory. They aren’t supposed to be a big to-do. Just a rehearsal for the wedding, so everyone knows where to walk and stand, and then some food and a small cake before bed. Traditionally, here anyway, it was the last time the bride and groom saw each other before they met in the wedding itself. But that’s not as common anymore

[@amara560]

Rehearsal dinners are not a thing in my country and I'm happy about that. I also don't understand both a bridal shower and bachelorette.

[@JayeCole]

Rehearsal dinners really aren’t a thing in the UK traditionally and they still pretty much aren’t here now. Out of the 50 or so weddings I photograph a year, maybe 2 will have a rehearsal dinner (and those are usually church weddings as there is frequently a church rehearsal but never a registrar rehearsal) and I have been a wedding photographer for about 15 years now.

[@Lena-xy8id]

I don't understand why they wouldn't rehearse such an important day. They do it for funerals and graduations

[@amara560]

@@Lena-xy8id I've never seen rehearsals for funerals or graduations here either. And I don't see the need for them.

[@hillary96renteria82]

I love that you acknowledged other cultures and religious practices. What typically irks me about "hot takes" on weddings is people completely ignoring the cultural and religious aspects that can be a really strong part of peoples lives. it is not "stupid" to splurge on a traditional wedding that will uphold the parts of your identity that you cherish. I think what it comes down to is not being _forced_ into doing things a certain way. As long your wedding was what you wanted then it was a good wedding regardless of size or expense

[@klaratehcoolcat]

Me too! Honestly was the reason I watched the whole thing. It's so lazy and America-brain to pretend the US's conception of the wedding is the only one, or the only one that matters. There was a reddit thread I saw a while back about a white dude trying to compromise (complaining about his fiancee not caving and agreeing to his way) on the guest list and expenditure while his Indian fiancee's dad wanted to pay. SOOO many commenters were begging him to try to understand why in Indian culture, a massive wedding is not only a gift traditionally paid for by the parents; but also a massive networking event of sorts, a chance to show off familial wealth and success, and a gathering of community. AND the most important of such opportunities in a parent's lifetime. I think the OP started coming around but it was such an interesting thread thanks to all the people showing up to represent Indian culture.

[@maze4028]

My “wedding” was about $200. Got married at the townhall/court, got a dress from Old Navy for $30, some shoes at the mall. Had parents and in-laws and aunt. Since we’re immigrants, the rest of the family wasn’t present. Tried to plan an actual wedding, when we were getting close to the 10K we said F it and went to court. Went for dinner with the family which they paid for and the went to Chicago for the weekend and got our new passports with the new name, etc. this year is our 10 anniversary, don’t regret anything. Compare with all the couples that we know we seem to be about 5-7 years ahead just from not having the financial burden at the beginning of the marriage.

[@Aster_Risk]

That sounds awesome. My husband and I are celebrating 10 years in July! Happy anniversary to you and your spouse.

[@narcisamaisonet7474]

My husband and I have an almost identical story, once we saw that most venues near us STARTED at 12k, we made the appointment at town hall lol

[@KatieGrady1997]

I thought I wrote this! My husband and I eloped at the court house in 2016. My dress was $30 from Old Navy. It was fantastic. Best day of my life. We had some family mad at us for it for years. They wanted a “big party”. We were young parents, and so poor back then… not to mention, we didn’t have any financial help. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

[@solarmoth4628]

If Watching Four Weddings on TLC taught me anything, it’s that you can spend thousands on a weddings and it can still look terrible and be a disaster.

[@pippahamilton3304]

It’s so wild to me that in America the bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dresses/accessories! The bride has asked them to be in the wedding party and should pay for the associated expenses - that’s how it is here in Ireland anyway

[@patriciadavies5241]

I was just thinking that, there is no way atleast for me that I would ask bridesmaids to pay £150+ on a dress that I want them to wear

[@amyf654]

I paid for my bridesmaids dress and hair/makeup, but my husband and I also paid for our own wedding. I'm sure that the financial situation of the couple really dictates what is asked of the wedding party.

[@kelly1827]

When we got married, I gave my bridesmaids this request: please get a hunter green dress, and please have a general consensus with the degree of formality, i.e. not one in a mini dress and one in a Victorian lace gown LOL. They had very different body types and I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable in a dress they didn't choose. It worked well, and they were all happy.

[@tiffany3255]

they aren’t obligated to be part of the wedding

[@miss_xenia_]

I disagree 🤗 but I think it’s rude to dictate what they’re wearing *and* expect them to pay for it. I’ve told my three bridesmaids the general theme and look and they’ll get their own dresses. They’ve would’ve gotten dresses anyway. I think with a lot of the US examples the cost also adds up with all of the other events and presents everyone is expected to pay for 😱

[@helixier6629]

I remember one wedding where the gift list was just things for their new home, and after the wedding we went to their new home to party which was decorated and filled up with all the things everyone bought for them. The table, the washing machine, the decor pieces in all the rooms, etc. At the moment I didn’t think anything was off and it was so cool seeing my wedding gift actually being used, but like also in hindsight wow how efficient is that? You pick what you want for your home as a couple and the family pays the bill of things ranging from 80-500 $ depending on what they can afford and on top of that they have the satisfaction to know they are contributing with something you really needed.

[@manicpepsicola3431]

I love when people have a gift registry full of necessities but I've never heard of inviting everyone over to see that's really cool

[@claspring]

I don't think gift lists are quite so widespread in the UK (I feel the same about baby registries now I'm living in N America; I just feel cheeky asking people to buy me stuff, especially as I try really hard to get most things 2nd hand- $80 seems like a LOT to spend). I know lots of people who just ask for cash donations but that also felt impersonal so I used a site called Patchwork where you create a project that people can donate to- ours was the honeymoon/roadtrip we'd like to be able to take one day, and we created items from £5-100 and spaces where people could just send recommendations and participate without having to spend anything. the site did take a cut of the money but made me feel comfier when, as you point out, people are spending money to travel to your wedding. We also had options of camping (I paid for the campsite) to try and save peoples wallets...wedding gifts seem to me to be a bit of a relic from days when people married young and really needed helping out with starting a home?

[@sunshineyellow]

This is the whole point of and the origin of wedding registries?

[@ceeciecee9563]

Isn’t this the whole point of wedding lists? Back in the day when people got married at 18 and moved out they needed the family to furnish their new house, it’s still ideal but now with people already living together for years before marrying they probably don’t need another toaster

[@joylox]

I'm looking at just doing a money type thing and putting it toward the honeymoon, and kitchen renovations. Our kitchen is tiny, I don't even have a full sized oven let alone a dishwasher or island, so getting those things would be such a help, but it's not practical for us to ask for things. Between the two of us, most of our needs are met, other than a couple small things. When two people already live on their own, it seems better to just use gift money for things that one person can't really give as a gift. It would be kind of silly to give someone a cupboard, or a night in a hotel...

[@pitaariel1920]

The ugly part of wedding are toxic guests, a lot of my family members kept complaining about the things that were "wrong" in my wedding. I know that it's not personal, because it's how they are, they can't help but complain or make drama about nothing. But it was very hard for me to receive complaints when I spend so much money trying to offer them the best I could pay. It really hurts that people have no respect for the bride and groom who spend so much time and money in an event like that .:(

[@Art_and_Anxiety]

That really gets my hackles up. I'm getting married in just under 2 months and even the slightest nitpick from a relative is enough to make me want to cancel everything and just elope. We're both working full time, busting our butts, handling a new house, and folks are gonna complain about the RSVP card not having check boxes. Grr.

[@mathilde9656]

I literally had a burnout after the wedding of my best friend. I was her bridesmaid. After the summer I had signs of emotional exhaustion, stress and depression, nightmares every night. My doctor put me on medication for 6 months. I would never imagine a wedding could affect me so badly ! The fact is, as a bridesmaid, the wedding of your friend is a year long process, with emotional stress, financial stress during 8 months. The wedding and the wedding party was on 3 days in total. I’m an anxious person and I can say it was a nightmare. I never talked about this with my friend after the wedding, I felt ashamed and guilty to feel that way.

[@WigginLikeEnder]

Why does it have to be that way?? I told my bridesmaids that all I'll require of them is to get ready with me on the morning of my wedding, be in some pictures, and be willing to buy a low-cost dress that they can all pick out together.

[@mathilde9656]

@@WigginLikeEnder I guess my friend also wanted we share good and joyful time with her at the end! But family and friends have also expectations and requests. But I'm quite anxious about social event so maybe it's just me 🤔

[@WigginLikeEnder]

@@mathilde9656 I'm so sorry that what was supposed to be a fun time became so stressful. I hope you're feeling better since then

[@mathilde9656]

@@WigginLikeEnder I'm doing well 🌟 thanks 💛 !

[@anz10]

She obviously has a lot of shame around creating boundaries, so maybe just saying create boundaries is not enough and just more shame provoking for not being good enough at boundaries too

[@petr0w]

My husband and I got married during COVID because both of us are pretty introverted and didn't want to party. Anyway, we spent about $1,000. It was a great way to not have to invite bunch of people that we don't care about

[@Keerahmendes]

Nothing hurts more than a missed opportunity. Watching people around you flaunt their successes at something you too could have benefitted from can leave a sour taste in ur mouth… crypto staking and NFTS are changing lives world over.

[@alaina4070]

@@Keerahmendes You're right NFTS are changing people's lives. By making them worse!

[@maryeckel9682]

@@alaina4070 I reported her.

[@maryeckel9682]

I love how the crypto scammer decided you're financially desperate lol it was your choice to stay small!

[@petr0w]

@@maryeckel9682 haha I had no idea what she was talking about. Like lol do you want me to sell nfts of my wedding cuz no lol

[@winterx2348]

recently my friend's younger brother managed to land a super high paying job, and 6 months later decided to get married to a chick he met literally 6 months prior. she's a straight up gold digger and demanded to have a giant lavish wedding for her entire family and friends to attend. his family, who are dirt poor, were not happy with all the money they were expected to fork over for formal clothes and gifts, but they went along with it because there's a weird unspoken rule that you're not allowed to tell someone you think they're making a mistake, even when it's super obvious. the whole thing was planned in 3 months, so needless to say, they didn't make a lot of good decisions. 2 weeks before the wedding, the sketchy venue ended up trying to cheat them and had to be cancelled. the entire wedding was moved to his parent's house, which is on a farm, and is a REAL working farm, not a pretty farm-aesthetic wedding venue type farm. the guests were simply not prepared to have to walk in a pasture with extremely uneven ground, many of them in heels, avoiding random piles of horse shit. his parents were under way too much stress in the unfair conditions and expectations thrusted upon them and it caused major emotional damage to their family. they were forced to renovate parts of their house for the sake of the bridesmaids that would need a space to get ready. thankfully the bride's family paid for it, but it still made half their house practically unlivable for the people living there, and construction even started without their permission. By the end of it all, EVERYONE was pissed and the couple are currently finalizing their divorce less than a year later. what a massive unnecessary waste.

[@dezzyjones]

Shit, man

[@fairycat23]

good Lord...

[@itsyissel]

Yikes! I hope they signed a prenup and she gets nothing

[@winterx2348]

@@itsyissel Ahahahaha of course they didn't. Gonna be real though, dude is an asshole and kinda deserves it. Even before the wedding was announced, he got a taste of money and immediately threw his friends and entire family under the bus like they weren't good enough for him anymore. Now he has nothing and we can only hope he learned his lesson.

[@MeJustAimy]

the bigger the wedding the more expensive the likelier the divorce

[@RaetheSaint]

To add to the point of wanting to have a wedding that’s as big or better than a friend’s, there’s also the pressure of deciding to get engaged or married BECAUSE your friends are getting engaged and married and you feel left out

[@tarawhatley2951]

As someone who just got bullied by a Maid of Honour because I told her I couldn’t afford to come on the bachelorette anymore due to life changing (and let her keep the $250 deposit I paid already), thank you for making this video!!! ❤️ made me feel better and less exiled haha

[@Aster_Risk]

That is disgusting. I'm really sorry and I hope you're doing okay.

[@tarawhatley2951]

@@Aster_Risk thank you!! Doing much better now, time and Tiffany Ferg videos heal everything 🙏

[@kellyannefitzgerald]

i'm starting to plan my wedding, and my fiance definitely leans towards the "elope" side of things, but i am with you Tiffany! Recently we had a death in the family, and all of my siblings were back home in the same place for the funeral, and it was one of those moments as adult siblings where you look at each other, and you go "the next time we all see each other will be at the next funeral. or the next wedding." And it just made me really grateful for these cultural touchstones that we have agreed matter- a wedding. A funeral. Graduations. Baptisms. Rare moments where you get to press pause on all the life stuff that will keep happening no matter what, and where you get to prioritize people you love. Being together. Idk. It just made me really grateful and excited for my wedding and the wedding events that will precede it. I want a celebration! A really nice event with good food and my nearest and dearest. Will it cost money? Yes, but this is one of those "spend money on experiences" kind of things, I think. But there's definitely a wide range of costs and hopefully we can keep it low lmao. Thanks for sharing, this was super timely for me!

[@Smidgeon-pigeon]

I agree with all of this! When I got married, we split the difference between "tiny courthouse wedding" and "lavish big wedding" and our total budget ended up around $5,000 USD for about 30 people total. It was really nice to have most of my extended family there, when that whole group of people hadn't been together since I was a kid. Nice things like that are expensive, and sometimes it's worth the expense.

[@LindsPatz10]

Very well said. In multiple instances where I have expressed the smallest amount of distress over our wedding planning, ppl have replied “well you could have just eloped!” and I let them know that had we wanted to do so, we would have. We love celebrating our close one’s life events and we want to share ours, too. There are many ways to pull off a great wedding that falls somewhere between elopement and huge, luxurious bash.

[@dogdad1997]

My wife and I both have big families and we did the whole big 80+ person wedding. It costs money, but it was worth it to celebrate with all the loved ones I barely see anymore. Hope your wedding went well if it's already happened!

[@kellyannefitzgerald]

thanks, it did in May! we had 84 people and it definitely cost money but it was a wonderful time @@dogdad1997

[@defiantlypinki1107]

As someone with social anxiety, I already know in my heart that I don’t want a wedding; especially if I’m the one that has to plan it. I keep to myself a lot, so I can’t imagine having to spend thousands of dollars to impress a bunch of people I don’t want to be around. I can see myself panicking figuring out wedding expectations and how to meet them; and on the actual day itself from being around them. I just hope my future husband will understand.

[@diejaykaynz3r078]

Yup, i totally agree. Being the focus of attention is a no go for me...

[@Mia-sss]

I get anxious thinking about walking down the aisle with all the eyes looking🤣❌

[@lucinda.hikari]

My friend's husband threw up several times at their wedding due to the anxiety. Might not be worth it!

[@sarahdoehler]

I’m the exact same, luckily I met a man who has the same thoughts as me. No wedding for us, but we’ve had an incredible 11 years together without the need of a wedding! 😊

[@rachel_sj]

My fiance and I are planning to have our September wedding at a Planetarium (bonus is that I have to walk down the "aisle" on my own without my dad "giving me away"...a tradition I never loved or even liked) and the ceremony at a Mini Golf and Arcade we love going to. Basically a cool, fun party for family and friends! The Wedding Industry has....other ideas of what our wedding should be....at least all of the people who are working with us on our wedding are excited for our idea for the day! ☺️ Pro tip: DON'T try to save money on photography. After the event comes and goes and the wedding gifts are collecting dust, the only things you'll have to remember of your day are your photos

[@rachel_sj]

Got a heart from Tiffany = Best Day Ever!! To everyone planning a Making Our Relationship Legal Event, good luck with the planning, and take care of yourself!

[@simplesimply3753]

The only thing I really want is beautiful photos. I don’t need the whole event. Maybe there’s some cheaper photographers but most around me are 2000.

[@Mikirono23]

Thanks for the tip!

[@maryeckel9682]

I would absolutely attend a mini golf and planetarium wedding! So fun

[@Eyeball44]

In reference to flower expenses, I saw a video where the bride and her friends went to a wildflower meadow the day before, and spent a few hours gathering all of these beautiful flowers for decor and bouquets. They looked amazing, they cost nothing, none of the flowers were rare and there were loads so it was sustainable, and it made it into an event that the bridal party could enjoy and make memories of. That seems like such a good idea? Making parts of your wedding that could be arduous into something fun and avoiding costs. Great!

[@oldasyouromens]

My mum and I have been having this discussion recently too - why spend thousands on an off the rack dress when you can pay a few thousand to get a beautiful wedding dress MADE by a seamstress, either commissioning a designer online or going to someone you love to make it. That way you get exactly what you want and don't have to feel ripped off to get it. Why spend thousands of dollars on a cake when you can get desserts and cupcakes for all your guests and have a mini cake of your favorite flavor to share together? like, the point is YOU have a good time and celebrate with your family and have a nice honeymoon and good start to your life together, not show off so much it hurts you. Wedding gifts have also been getting smaller and are not expected to pay for the wedding.

[@sarahb3989]

My cousin told every vendor and venue that the "booking event" was a family reunion, rather than a wedding. Technically both sides of his family re(+united). They got between 40-25% every venue and service the booked

[@elisekimbleton4048]

My mom’s second wedding was a nice meal and watching them sign the documents w/my step gma officiating. I basically just want what she did, except maybe a fancier dress, haha. I can’t imagine spending 15k+ on a wedding but hell, if it makes you happy who am I to judge!

[@sin3358]

I feel like we should be allowed to judge them if they don't have the money for it. Many people I know will get married with their parents money. I know it's a traditional thing in my country, and just as the person on the video said "it's a privilege to refuse tradition", I find it ridiculous that all of my cousins wanted a wedding so badly they didn't think about what a waste it would be. To give more context, they were all jobless, in their early twenties, when they got married. I'd understand if they at least WORKED for their wedding, but they got everything paid by their parents money, which I think is extremely ridiculous. I WILL judge those people who spend a ton of money they cannot even afford, which is not even their OWN, just for something they'll never get to wear ever again

[@elisekimbleton4048]

@@sin3358 i didnt say you cant judge, i just don’t want to waste my time doing it lol. Of course there are much better ways to spend this money in my opinion, but that’s true for a lot of things. Your aunts/uncles didn’t seem to have a problem forking over the money, so it’s on them too. I agree that it’s childish but you can’t tell people how to spend their money. the amount of cultural pressure that results in these expensive weddings is only as influential as the individual let’s it be but unfortunately it has an undeniable effect on the majority.

[@trishgoud17]

I wrote my undergrad capstone on pinterest/social media & the wedding industry and how it's marketed!!! it was a very stressful paper to write but I could talk about this topic for hours. loved this video so much!!

[@trishgoud17]

also Ashley Norton 👌 chefs kiss 10000/10 videos

[@tiffanyferg]

Oooh omg I’d love to read it, that sounds fascinating!

[@trishgoud17]

@@tiffanyferg it's been a few years since I wrote it but if there's a good way to send it to you, I can totally try to dig it up!!

[@ositaiza888]

omg so many of my friends (keep in mine we're all early 20s) have made pinterest wedding inspo boards at least once lol

[@HannahSidaris]

As someone who's worked in the wedding industry both before & after the advent of social media, I'd be fascinated to read something like that! It has *completely* changed the way we do business, brides' expectations, spending, just every aspect, really!

[@longlivebeans]

I felt the PRESSURE of a giant arab wedding lol my family flipped when we ended up just going to the courthouse. Love that you brought up cultural differences because yeah it’s rough out here. It took me giving my parents a grandchild for them to finally let it go 😂

[@sin3358]

I hope you had that child from your own desire not just to please your parents?

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Good on you. It takes courage to be different, but someone has to do it !

[@manicpepsicola3431]

Once the baby's come they always forget why they were ever mad to begin with lol

[@phoebebuffay1566]

A wealthy friend of mine kept her wedding incredibly simple and small, and she said it was an unwise investment; her family had nothing to prove. They also buy second-hand cars, don't follow fashion trends, etc. I really look up to them, because when it comes to helping people in need out, they are so generous. I wish more rich people were like them, but it has also cost them their "status" among other rich people (from what I have gathered, I don't think they give a F though).

[@candylide]

Damn, I didn't know you had more than one requirement for keeping your "rich" status: 1. Being rich 2. Being an asshole

[@phoebebuffay1566]

@@candylide i didn't either, but it really seems to be a thing.

[@thatundeadlegacy2985]

New rich*@@phoebebuffay1566

[@draconicfeline6177]

They sound like old money, if that makes any sense.

[@darcnovella122]

Tiffany: “If you getting invited to multiple weddings a year and you have to buy a new dress for every occasion” My brain: you have enough dresses to appear on the bachelor

[@SugiyamaHiromin]

I simply gave up. I have my 4 trusted formal dresses and will rotate them. One is black and the rest are either fully red or red/black combo. I keep hearing about a rule that goes "don't wear red, it means you slept with the groom" but it's mainly from people who don't live where I live. The only people who look back on wedding photos are the couple and maybe parents of the couple, plus most people don't remember who went in what dress to which wedding.

[@caitlinfoster9508]

LOL I am simply shortening the brudesmaids dress from the previous wedding and wearing it to the next one 😂

[@Souls-at-zer0]

@@SugiyamaHirominomg I’ve never heard the “don’t wear red” thing! … my hair is red and half my clothes are red! It’s just my favorite color😭 but lucky all my most formal clothes are black… just always looks like I’m showing up to a funeral 😂

[@ma-ri-ko]

i do think it’s worth examining how weddings evolved from a ritual into •~*an event*~• i personally would like to have a wedding because the rite itself is important to me. Feasting our families and friends is important to me. Getting blessings and wisdom from elders is important to me. weddings used to be an initiation into married life and new community roles. particularly in cultures where you have clans with spiritual guardians or some sort of stewardship of skills or ecosystems, weddings were also an opportunity to reaffirm the family gifts and celebrate the future of the lineage. the whole community would be impacted by the changes and that’s not really the case anymore. this is partially due to the globalization of supply chains and the creation of nuclear family units. if the baker marries a farmer, that doesn’t lead to lower bread prices for their neighborhood anymore. you talked about the community buy-in for the wedding, well, we used to have ‘em built in. now we have to go out of our way to create opportunities for emotional involvement in the couple and they usually end up feeling more like requests for validation of the bridal party than a shared experience. keeping those community ties healthy is important to our survival, we still have the instincts for it, but there aren’t many genuinely fulfilling outlets for it that you can access with consumerism.

[@ositaiza888]

exactly. i love (almost) all of the traditions of a wedding. from the speech to the cake cutting to the bouquet toss. but the fact that the wedding industry has turned this ritual of partnership to just another time to squeeze ppl's wallets sucks imo

[@nineteenfortyeight]

THIS. A big part of all this mess is that we are caught between two paradigms. Marriage used to be the whole community's business, now it's a personal relationship that's nobody's business. Why, in the latter case, are you buying dinner for your dad's boss's daughters or whatever? And why are those gals expected to buy you crystal? Buy your own stuff, you've maintained your own household for 20 years! But the overwhelming narcissism of our time means the community has to both stay out of the couples business AND buy them dishes. And to make it worth their while the couple overpay on a party. If marriage is purely personal, keep the wedding that way and save 15K$ (or whatever the real figure is).

[@elizabethoconnor1493]

This is one of the most insightful takes I've read on wedding industrialism. Goddamn, thank you for this.

[@maryeckel9682]

Very insightful comments

[@tayh.6235]

Brilliant point.

[@Emily-ck9ji]

There's a reason I'm a big fan of courthouse weddings and smaller celebrations. Spending all that money on ONE day what you could use to pay for a car, pay for a honeymoon, invest in a new home, save for growing your family, or save for retirement? Doesn't compute in my brain. Lol.

[@faeriesmak]

Same here. We did a courthouse wedding. My husbands Dad took him and his brothers for lunch and then my husbands Mom brought a cake. She kept trying to push some sort of party on us but I kept telling her no. We literally wanted NO WEDDING. I can’t say no to cake, though!

[@Flawlesslmperfection]

💯 I'd way rather have a small, inexpensive wedding and use the 'extra' money towards a honeymoon trip (I love to travel!) and investment in a home or retirement.

[@hogblubbers]

My husband and I had a small wedding that only cost $2k. We bought our second home this year!

[@manicpepsicola3431]

I've always wanted to go all out balls to the wall with the honeymoon do something awesome and memorable but the wedding is just a gateway to the honeymoon lmao 🤣 I'm someone more interested in having an exciting adventure with my partner rather than trying to flex on everyone around me I really could care less about what they think their superficial concenerns became something I could care less about when I was a emo teenager and even though I don't push it I just can't make myself do something that doesn't make me happy and my partner especially on something that's supposed to be all about us if it's all about us then we want it to be all about us if you know what I mean lmao

[@manicpepsicola3431]

@@faeriesmak tbf I'm a no wedding type of person but I can't say no to an excuse to party lmao but if you don't like parties or being around people then it's understandable why you wouldn't want to do that

[@emmanouelaben]

I was hoping someone would talk more about this! I got married last year and me and my husband were feeling the same about getting our families together, but oh my gosh! It’s almost impossible to do a budget wedding. Everything that has «wedding» or «bridal» slapped on to it is so freaking expensive! I think it’s important to take a moment and really think over what we spend money on when it comes to our wedding. Yes, it’s special, but the wedding day will not define the whole marriage! Also I think we just need to tone down the pressure that is put on the couples (by family, friends, media of course, and well, capitalism and materialism) and just let them plan a day that feels special to them regardless of what that means. If it’s the whole crazy big extravagant thing, or a small and intimate celebration. Great content ;)

[@orsikocs]

Yeah 1 venue for 200 people to hire for a night is 5-6x more than if u hired it for a birthday. Like there's no difference between the size of the party all it is that the wedding is in the name. Literal scam.

[@AllTheArtsy]

Do not hire a wedding planner, or call your event a wedding. Just say it's a family party. Automatic savings.

[@cloudyskies5497]

My wedding cake was a birthday cake and it was a fourth of the price. My favorite flavor of cake is the birthday cake flavor anyways, so my mother figured it out when she was calling around price-checking that she could get a white birthday cake with flowers on it and have money left over for other food, haha.

[@emmanouelaben]

@@cloudyskies5497 That was so smart! We actually ended up making the cake ourselves, it was beautiful !

[@emmanouelaben]

@@orsikocs YES!!

[@evrenandtheivy2288]

We don’t expect everyone to live in a mansion; but it feels like we expect everyone to have the wedding equivalent of a mansion

[@merrittgates8653]

I’m a florist and wedding flowers are just so much money. Tbh many florists will not take on weddings with a flower budget under $2K or so because if it’s a small business it is hardly worth it given the cost of flowers for us etc. Because if we special order stems, we have to buy in bunches, can’t just buy the exact number. So sometimes if the wedding is too small, it’s hard to make money. Anyway, it’s very understandable that this is a crazy amount of money for some, so it’s a constant battle of brides believing florists are scamming them. It’s like a ton of work and TONS of time and planning on our part so it’s frustrating when brides expect the most for a low budget (because the flowers on Pinterest are soo extravagant!). It’s not really anyones fault, shit is just expensive! Especially in a place where we need flowers shipped from warmer climates year round. It’s a tough industry on all ends

[@maryeckel9682]

One of my nieces got fresh herbs and native flowers from a local grower, and she and some family and friends put together all of the florals including her bouquet. It was beautiful and very stylish, and we had fun creating it all. He bouquet was a big bunch of yarrow with dill and bay leaves.

[@M.M.Y.B]

Not to be weird, but would you recommend just dumping a shit ton of wildflower seeds on a field a few months in advance and then maybe hosting a wedding near said wildflower field? Maybe providing people with a little vase and putting little flower sheers on the tables as a wedding gift? I think a wedding-wide flower picking would definitely beat the garter belt portion of a wedding...

[@merrittgates8653]

@@maryeckel9682 I love that!!

[@merrittgates8653]

@@M.M.Y.B the flower picking with everyone sounds like such a cute idea! Planting wildflower seeds yourself a few months in advance might not be a very reliable method, though, as the timing of seasons has to be right, the flower types have to take well to the environment, etc. I'm not the most experienced gardener but there's lots of factors at play to growing a successful meadow, but maybe it would work if you had like a full year (spring/summer) to experiment in your yard and get perennials going for next year, or find somewhere that already has an established meadow!

[@maryeckel9682]

@@M.M.Y.B just make sure they're indigenous to the area, or it could set off invasive species.

[@jesslewis7851]

I've had the wedding conversation with an American friend a few times because in New Zealand it can be quite common that people are long term unmarried partners rather than married. I'm 31 and barely have 10 friends that are married, let alone 10 weddings a year (this could also be just be the location I'm in, people more focused on work and lifestyle than weddings). It might have something to do with having to be separated for 2 years to get a divorce but I've also never felt pressure to get married even though I've been with my partner for over 8 years. I love hearing different perspectives on it.

[@lesfibresfantastiques7265]

It depends a lot on law around wedding in your country.

[@fionashaw9097]

Yeah I'm in NZ as well and I can't imagine going to 10 weddings in a year! Even the people I know who have large friend groups and/or families who all want to get married maybe go to three weddings maximum in a year.

[@miss_xenia_]

It also helps that New Zealand de facto relationships get the same rights as married couples… which is not the same in (most) European countries. If you‘be been in a committed relationship, including living together for at least part of it, for more than 2 years you’re “de facto”.

[@sin3358]

That's so lovely! My culture is completely the opposite. One friend of mine alone had to go to 5 weddings this MONTH alone!!! It's so exhausting. And the worst part is that they're all so boring. Everyone does weddings just for the sake of tradition, they don't even have enjoyable food or music, and the expenses oh god

[@gingeezus27]

Yep, I'm an American living in NZ and my partner and I have been together over 8 years and just got engaged recently (and we already have a house/kid). I'm a wedding photographer and I feel like its so much more chill here than the weddings I've been to in the states.

[@MissyRosieeful]

My fiancé and I just got engaged a few months ago and while I LOVE the idea of marrying my man, I dread having to plan a wedding. Honestly leaning more towards a photographed elopement or a courthouse wedding with a small party afterwards. I wasn’t the girl that grew up imagining my dream wedding because it wasn’t something my family or friends prioritized much, so now that I need to make these decisions I feel like I’m floundering blindly! The biggest part of my anxiety around wedding planning has to do with my very small social circle. I don’t have many friends these days because making/keeping friends as an adult is weirdly difficult (would love a video of your thoughts on this conundrum if you relate!!) I can’t imagine comfortably making a guest list that would have “enough” people or not offend anyone who I’m not close enough with to invite to a small wedding. And then the money… my fiancé and I both prioritize building our future together by saving for a house rather than a single event, so if a wedding does end up being planned, it will be very budget friendly! Basically at this point we’re both just not even thinking about plans yet until we feel it out a bit, and I’m super grateful that we’re on the same page about it!

[@tiffanyferg]

I feel you!! 1) same, I never dreamed of my wedding so I’ve had to start from zero to even get a sense of what I’d like! 2) adult friendships are super hard! And it’s tough to decide who makes the cut

[@miss_xenia_]

You and your partner being on the same page is the best! Hope you find something that works for you. Can highly recommend Jamie Wolfer’ content 🤗

[@MsCristina38]

I’m just eloping and getting married in Las Vegas to avoid all of that!

[@magdalenaos8215]

We dealt with planning by choosing a place (restaurant) that offered a "whole package" for a wedding dinner (because similarly to you, we didn't want to have a big party, just dinner for 20 people). In the package was dinner, cake, cold dishes, sweets, alcohol, juices and coffee and decorations. We can't "choose" those elements, but we don't really care. 20 people or not, guests should be fed, but as long as the food is good - who cares what it is?

[@rebeccat715]

It took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that even "simple" events require a lot of planning (and event planning can be awful). I felt very pressured and anxious at the time, especially because both of us have large families and I don't really like being places with a lot of people. One thing that helped me is the advice that what a great wedding looks like is guests enjoying their time with each other, not the aesthetics of the wedding itself. It made me feel relieved, because I understood that I was half the reason people were gathered, but I didn't have to be the center of attention. Several years later, I honestly still love seeing pictures of our family and friends being silly together.

[@rochelle178]

This all sums up my feelings too! I'm really touched that people are going out of their way to attend my wedding. It's going to be like a bunch of reunions for different friend groups and segments of our family - so the focus is on everyone just visiting and having fun. Keeping the attention on myself minimal. :)

[@tayh.6235]

Yep, my wedding was as chill as we could keep it, but the mere logistics of having both of our massive families coming together did require some stressing and planning.

[@freyss9]

my grandmother was a wedding organizer, specifically for our tribe's wedding traditions so i grew up attending and experiencing these grand and festive weddings that still amazes me to this day. i'm aware that i still look at these wedding celebrations through a rose tinted glasses mainly because i come from a matriarchal tribe, and minang weddings always emphasizes on the fact that it's the girl's big day (we have this pre wedding event called "malam bainai" which is quite literally the VERY traditional version of a bachelorette party where the elderlies gives you blessings and you get your henna done, the groom gets no such events lol) and we'd have these really cool dances and traditional music blaring at the actual party and i still have the desire to experience that myself despite knowing how stressful big weddings actually are, having also witnessed a handful of wedding burnouts and stresses from my aunts in the past. grand cultural weddings are still so magical to me even though i too, see the appeal of a modern and minimalistic wedding especially in this day and age

[@ReyBeltane]

Part of our decision to have a more traditional wedding was due to having to show our wedding photos and documents to immigration! My partner and I had to get married in order to live in the same country, and we have to prove we are still married and cohabitating now until I’m able to get citizenship.

[@tiffanyferg]

Oooh yes I feel you as a fellow international couple! That could be its own video honestly, the immigration process is so overwhelming and complex

[@ReyBeltane]

@@tiffanyferg completely! And thanks for the reply :-) Your research and delivery is always so enjoyable in all of your videos. And congrats on your engagement

[@TheUnevenStitch]

When I first got engaged I was talked into going dress shopping and hated every second. My wedding is now in less than 3 months and I have no idea what I'm going to wear but I could sew a decent enough dress in a few days for under £50. It will be so much more comfortable and I won't have to spend stupid money on a dress literally no one cares about and I will only have on for one day.

[@TheUnevenStitch]

@Vanity BelAir it's a beautiful day because I'm marrying my best friend. I don't need to wear a special dress for it to be a special day. The dress is honestly the least interesting part of the day. We have mini golf and a gin shed!

[@rachel_sj]

I got a purple bohemian dress from BHLDN for $500 and I need to sell another simple gown I got for $250, so I'll get some money back. I had my heart set on a slightly pricier (maybe $800) dress embroidered Chakra dress from Needle & Thread they made in partnership with a UK designer about 2 years ago but I couldn't find it anywhere and have to improvise... I can't believe how pricey wedding gowns are and most of them look SO horrible!

[@normandy2501]

@@TheUnevenStitch Well you could just show up in jeans and t-shirt and call it good. It's not like you're even forced to wear a dress if marrying your friend period is what you care about.

[@annemcrowell]

Sewing a dress is such a great idea if you have the skill and time! My mom did that for what I think is a similar cost (converting to US $ and adjusting for inflation). The dress is beautiful and is still in great condition in case I want to wear it - and if I don’t, it will go to someone else who can use it.

[@TheUnevenStitch]

@@normandy2501 I don't really like jeans and all of my t shirts have rude words on them but I like your spirit!

[@Mary-eo9pd]

It's so funny hearing about weddings from the American/European perspective because for middle eastern people like myself 30,000 is "low budget" one and it's hilariously sad. I'm going to skip my wedding because I'd rather do my best to donate the money to charities that need it.

[@PicekRudly]

Eastern European weddings too, you have to have everyone in the family there, show them how huge it is, how expensive you payd, how huge the venue is and the church, there needs to be at least 300-500 people or you’re lame 😒 (and most Eastern European people are poor af and have to take loans or save a lot of money for it)

[@RealShaktimaan]

30k wedding would be considered a small wedding for Indians. Indian people in America spend over 6 figures easily in 2022.

[@sin3358]

Saving that money for yourself or charity is definitely much better. It's funny how everyone is always like "work your ass off to have a good life. Save money" but when it comes to weddings they become the hypocrites and say "oh, but a wedding is a must do, done extravagantly"

[@sin3358]

@@PicekRudly I'm from south east Europe and tbh, if our economy was any better, we'd spend more money too, but for us, 30k euros is equivalent to 100k euros because we are really not that rich 😂 things here are cheaper. But the tradition is the same, everyone in your very big family that surprisingly hasn't run into incest yet must be present and envy you

[@_my_insomnia_blink562]

@@PicekRudly I live in a village in Greece and the new gen typically invites 200 people maximum. I like seeing that.

[@NadezdaBeka]

I feel like this pressure stared when the middle class was looking up to the upper class and wanted to come off as rich as possible. My grandparents had a wedding in their garden which was completely normal, they weren't poor. Makeup artists were for models, celebs and tv personalities. Nowadays weddings here have become so luxurious and the majority of female guests always have their makeup and hair done professionally. Just a bunch of snobs. There's no social pressure here since I've been to smaller weddings, it's just that snobs want to show off.

[@magdalenaos8215]

I don't know if it is about being snobbish. My mother and grandmother had their hairstyle done by someone else (on their wedding). I will have a wedding this summer and I still don't know if I should take a professional makeup or not (hairstyle will be made by a hairstylist since I'm bad with hairstyles, and it is not very expensive where I live). On the one hand, making my own makeup would be good economically, but on the other I would like to just once have a makeup made by a professional. There will be less than 20 people on my wedding, so all those things that will make me "pretty" will be for my own comfort.

[@Artemis-xx2hh]

My Aunt recently got married, and instead of spending the money on an expensive ceremony, she went to Ireland and got married at the top of a mountain with just her, her husband, a photographer and the officiant. Spend your money the way you want to spend it!

[@shangfaninshanghai903]

A wedding show I remember watching as a kid was “Shedding for the Wedding” which was basically just a spin-off of the Biggest Loser where the couple who lost the most weight would get their dream wedding paid for. One huge stressor of weddings, particularly for women, is looking their best which somehow equates to being as thin as possible to “fit into the dress.”

[@wen33]

I “followed the norms” and got married when I was 22. Went into debt over it and we were divorced within a year.

[@silverlining7112]

Great timing, I'm planning my wedding too. I'm in the UK and we're going to the notary and then to our garden for reception of about 15-20 closest family and friends. We're having pizza and a selection of Portuguese cakes. The dress code is "wear the outfit you feel best in" and it can be from pjs to ball gown - it's supposed to make the person feel really good. I am making my own dress because I want to look like a forest nymph made of flowers and that's that. We're spending money on a professional photographer, and a bar on wheels + mixologist. We're not having any formal events surrounding the wedding, not even stag/hen dos. Our families are in different countries so, instead of buying us presents, they are buying their plane tickets. There's is no wedding party (bridesmaids and such). For us, the point is to have a joyous, fun, relaxed time with our favourite people and celebrate the day that we legally join our lives.

[@tiffanyferg]

Sounds so nice!! love the dress code, I’m sure it’ll be a blast to see what everyone wears

[@silverlining7112]

@@tiffanyferg yes, really looking forward to seeing what everyone shows up in. Also, can't wait to hear about your wedding. I'm sure it'll be awesome. Good luck with the planning, I hope it goes smoothly and everything turns out just as you imagined 💐

[@Flawlesslmperfection]

I love the 'wear the outfit you feel best in' theme, such a great idea!

[@sarah-rs5ob]

This sounds like the perfect/dream wedding.

[@maryeckel9682]

Can I come? 🤣 seriously, sounds brilliant.

[@marcialaur1825]

My family was really mad at me for choosing to get married during covid, apparently our decision was selfish because people wanted a party... we ended up with only 20 guests who joined us for a nice lunch and all said that they had a good time. It's crazy how entitled people feel towards other people's "most important day of their lives"

[@jaineas]

Can't fathom that. How come your decision was selfish? I mean you're the one getting married in the first place, so you get to decided what you're doing or not.

[@marcialaur1825]

@@jaineas I don't get it either, a few relationships were strained because of this. In my family you either have a huge wedding, or why bother getting married at all, a lot of my cousins went into debt just to pay for a big party... not my vibe

[@EileenGallia]

Whenever people talk about the average wedding, I start to explain median. The Average 2020 wedding is between 19,000-27,000. The Median 2020 wedding is 11,000. Which means 50% of weddings cost more than 11k, and 50% cost less than 11k

[@Sophie_Cleverly]

We had a big wedding for like £2000! There was a huge amount of luck involved with that though because we have a massive extended family who wanted to help. So like my husband's auntie made my dress out of vintage fabric, his mum did our flowers, his cousin made us a cake, my dad is in a band so he did the music etc. We saved on the venues by going to the registry office (which was a really nice room in the town hall) and our village hall for the reception. Instead of hotels or whatever we had camping on the playing fields for £5 a pitch to cover the cost. And we asked for food instead of gifts and had a giant picnic. People always tell us they had the best time so it worked out well!

[@megan7506]

My fiancé and I were going to have a $15k wedding back in 2021, but I called it off for personal reasons. We’re back to planning to get married and our new wedding in 2023 will be in my grandparents’ backyard which will cost $0. The wedding industry is a sham, and I think COVID helped reflect that with the amount of elopements that took place.

[@mmontague4937]

Just a little too to help with the cost of your cake is to not tell the bakery that it’s a wedding cake they’ll charge extra so just ask for whatever design and how many tiers you want (starting a wedding planner internship soon I’ll pass on any more tips)

[@rachel_sj]

Good for you on defining your priorities and living your values! I would love to see pics of your wedding next year and I wish you all the luck in the world!!

[@PressedApples]

@@mmontague4937 I really wish people would stop repeating this 😒 In my experience, this is NOT true. There are so many reasons why a cake can be expensive.

[@bloodyneptune]

@Mackada Montague just be aware, they do put _way_ more effort into wedding cakes, from structure to transportation. If you absolutely want to be sure its going to show up looking great and holding up, you do want to let them know what its for. If you don't care about that, have at it

[@mrahim1342]

@@bloodyneptune I didn’t know that but that’s insanely messed up to me. If someone pays you for a service it is your job to deliver. The label of “wedding cake” should not determine whether your service will be decent. If I order any kind of cake from a bakery that delivers I expect it to arrive in the condition they promised it would. It is none of their concern what I’m using the cake for. They offer the service, I pay for the service, I receive the service promised. It’s only fair, imagine if I just decided to give them a different amount of money than agreed upon because I forgot my wallet. That would be inappropriate because I’m not upholding my end of the deal. In conclusion my cakes better arrive in peak condition or there will be a problem.

[@Mizuki101Ikuto]

honestly think the best example was the 1st sex and the city movie when carrie planned this huge mega wedding because her friends and the general community kinda pressured and convinced her into it even though she at first just wanted to get married in this vintage suit that she got at a cheaper price, and that huge wedding intimidated mr big and shit happened, it was only when they got back together that they married at the courthouse in her original vintage suit with her iconic manolo blahnik heels, then ate at a diner with her close friends despite the many flaws with sats, this was one of the nicer moments and endings

[@restingwitchfacetarot605]

I WISH I had the option of renting a wedding dress! As a plus sized person (on the larger side, BTW, I’m a US 26) I had ZERO option to not buy and alter a dress and all told, it came to about 4K for that alone. …and I literally wore crocs underneath. 🤣

[@offbeatkiki]

i got married in 2020. we did our ceremony in front of our city's art museum. it took maybe an hour for photos and the ceremony and we just had two witnesses. it was nice and cost us maybe $200. we made this decision at the end of 2020 not knowing when the pandemic was going to end. i've been feeling weird about it now that i know people holding full weddings again but this video reminded me of how much stress and financial burden is involved, and reminded me of an experience i had... in 2019 i was on the bridesmaid roster for a close friend's wedding. i helped her partner plan the engagement, helped her plan the aesthetics and the music, went dress shopping with her, bought a bridesmaid dress and the whole gambit. then about a month before the wedding she had a complete stress induced meltdown and burned bridges with her entire bridal party. i didn't know or recognize anyone in her bridal party photos from the event and now i have a pointlessly fancy dress that i can only imagine using for costume parties. all things considered, when a couple is footing the bill for their own wedding it seems smart to just go small.

[@JanelleaMacbeth]

I had over 1k wedding guests…. But that’s a little tongue in cheek. I had a SUPER budget wedding, and got married during a public event; an Ice Cream festival. My wedding was literally an event on the schedule for public entertainment. The actual guest list was about a charter-bus load of relatives, plus a few families and friends who drove themselves to my wedding, and the reception was a lot luck dinner in a grotto full of picnic tables. We drew on creativity and sweat equity, and had a BLAST.

[@moniqueibr3957]

Getting mad at guest complaints is so weird because in my experience, if you do RSVP no to a wedding, the couple gets even more bent out of shape. You either have to be ok with people not wanting to attend your wedding or you gotta be ok with people not universally loving the event. It's weird to expect everyone to enjoy your wedding as much as you do.

[@thejoyism8]

I think analyzing The Ultimatum would be interesting. While it’s not exactly about marriage itself, in all the couples that enter the show one wants to get married and the other isn’t ready to. These people have only been together 2 1/2 years max and are in their mid/low 20s. It seems like from how the people giving the ultimatum speak about marriage, they really just want the appearance and clout of being a wife/husband and to have a beautiful day of the wedding, and not actually about finding a person who they will have a strong relationship with. People love the idea of marriage and I think they believe it will solve their problems. I even read an article that said that Justin Bieber realized his emotional problems wouldn’t be fixed by marriage…

[@simplify2751]

It's worth mentioning that as an industry, it's so well poised to inflate prices unjustly, much like the healthcare industry, because what are you gonna do? Not get married? When everything is already going badly? And I think it's just a dreadful illustration of the increasing anxiety over our lives under late-stage capitalism. People seize the little or big joys they can have, and lately even those are under threat. Great video!

[@maddieb.4282]

Actually you can get married for the cost of a dinner party and a marriage certificate fee. And yes actually, you can choose not to get married. For you to compare the essentialism of a wedding to that of a hospital is pretty ridiculous.

[@sin3358]

You can, simply, not get married tho. The new generation is less interested in marriage, and I believe at some point, only the really religious will get married, but atheism and agnosticism has been on the rise.

[@simplify2751]

I'm not comparing how essential they are, but how essential it is that they charge you so much for what should be a more reasonable cost. A hospital I went to charged me $42 for a bandage (just the gauze) when I demanded an itemized list on my invoice. And yes, you can choose not to get married, obviously. I meant that if you really want to have that day, as millions and millions have been able to in a better economy, you will have to shell out significantly more OR just live with the constant reminder that your life is worse than your parents' or grandparents lives. Both these industries take advantage in similar ways, even if they're not equally important. Learn to read between lines, I can't type out a dissertation in a yt comment so people don't think I'm equating healthcare to a nice party.

[@piptig5327]

I'm from the UK and I find it crazy that the bridesmaids on US wedding shows are expected to pay for the dresses they're told to wear! Is it like this in other countries too? If the bride/couple chooses the outfits their friends wear then the bride/couple should pay!

[@jasonwilkins1969]

We just went to the most expensive restaurant for our reception. The venue was free, the wait staff were included, the cleanup was handled, and the food was significantly better than catered food because it was prepared fresh. They were also willing to give a choice of five entrees with every person getting two plated sides and two family style sides.

[@beccamarcus3846]

all my life I thought weddings were "free" parties and now find myself attending my first wedding as an adult having spent almost $1000 smh

[@Jack-fw4mw]

This seems like the type of topic that is very tricky to dive into when just looking at modern internet manifestations. There is such a large and complex history to the idea of wedding celebrations, and current cultural norms are still very much connected to these older rituals. The idea of a large wedding makes sense when we examine some of these historical situations. An easy one is the medieval village wedding reception. It was a community affair, to the point where many people brought food to share (such as a pot luck). There were no invitations; people just self selected to show up (so it was often more or less the entire village). This party, while celebrating the marriage, was also good for building community. It was often _the_ party of the year. Of course, many societies have this unfortunate habit of trying to copy the opulence of the royals, so we get into having these very expensive and shallowly symbolic parts of the wedding, but the idea of a large wedding is one of community and is thousands of years old.

[@KarlaIvethXD]

I am from Latin America and I am part of the typical big family where you dont necessarilly grow up in a nuclear family but you grow up with your extended family, we all contribute in rasing a child and in weddings we also chip in. In my case it was just family but there was 200 people hahaha everyone helped baking the cake, designing invitations, decorating, etc so at the end it wasn't that stressing and expensive because the point was celebrating with them not a party just for me.

[@manicpepsicola3431]

@@KarlaIvethXD I live in Texas but I'm chicana and my family mostly lives over here but it's it's the same way at least for a lot of us it's not a stressful environment since everyone chips in since it's a family event

[@audrae.8503]

You comments about all the extra "parties" surrounding the wedding are SO spot on. My boyfriend's cousin is getting married, and the envelope needed extra postage for the rehearsal dinner invite, bonfire invite, brunch invite, ect. ect. I didn't even realize this was normal!

[@beccasue04]

My brother just got married last week and everything totaled about 5000. Did everything simple and DIY rustic/country theme peach and cream colors was a lot of work but came out beautiful. The dress was really the only thing “splurged” on. We made the food ourselves too spaghetti (both of their favorite food) was easy to make and low cost. They absolutely loved everything and every minute of their day.

[@youatemyenchilada]

Omg definitely recommend checking out four weddings, it was a wedding competition show and I was so obsessed with it

[@RaphaelleLD]

this video was great! re: waste, more specifically flowers - my dad got remarried recently and my step-mum chose to decorate the tables with little potted flower plants, instead of traditional flowers. at the end of the day, she gave them to some of the guests that were driving back home, as a keepsake from the wedding. it saves wasting flowers and it's a nice thing for them to have!

[@nerdoftheatre]

My sister was in her friend's bridal party. Definitely ran into the thought of "Holy cow this is expensive." My sister doesn't do nail polish or acrylics. She hates it. (And her friend was frustrated at it.) She did her own nails instead of going to the nail salon with the bridal party. She immediately scrubbed the nails as soon as the wedding was over. I seriously don't understand why people throw everything for one day. It reminds me very much of prom culture. Spend hundreds on a dress and wear it for a few hours.

[@LaurenLaass]

Was her friend upset about her not going with them to the nail salon? It does seem kind of a bummer to not take part in the festivities. She could have gone and just hung out.

[@nerdoftheatre]

@@LaurenLaass She ended up not being too bummed. My sister knew that if she went, she'd get roped into it. They had also just went somewhere as a group the day before, so it wasn't like she missed much. My sister ended up putting the nails on right before the event and taking them off as soon as she got home.

[@loriegabidel]

I've planned a bunch of weddings for friends, and you can have a meaningful wedding on any budget (especially with help from friends). I do want to note that unless it is small or the backyard is part of a large estate, a backyard wedding can be more expensive than you think if you want guests to be comfortable. You will have a TON of rentals, including possibly bathrooms. I'm all for backyard weddings, but definitely think it through.

[@chloem48]

I am just starting my career as a wedding planner and I love everything Tiffany is saying in this video, like it is my entire philosophy on weddings that I want to bring into how I help couples prepare for their wedding. Do whatever the hell you want, do not worry about societal expectation, you can have a killer wedding on any budget. I love it!

[@CatherineKlein94]

My husband and I got married last year because I lost my job and needed health insurance.. (we were planning on getting married eventually!) We spent $30 on pizza and cake, and $100 on a house plant. Our family joined us on zoom. It was great lol. We thought we’d eventually have a “real” wedding, but at this point we can’t be bothered haha. We don’t want to spend the money or deal with the stress of planning 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@TwoBs]

Honestly, same. My husband and I got married back in January of 2009 for convenience. We had just had a child together, he started a crazy good job, and we figured “hey, let’s give it a shot.” All we did was go to the courthouse, sign papers, and our moms cooked us our favorite meals with a cake for us to all eat dinner. That was it. I wore a simple dress, he was casual, and our son (newborn at the time) was dressed up … tbh, he was more dressed up than any of us. We always said in the early days of our marriage “ah maybe one day we’ll renew our vows later down the line and do it right with a ceremony for our families.” Here we are 13 years later and can’t be arsed about it lol. We just bought 3.6 acres of land and built a house in the last few years and find that to be something worth putting more of our focus into. We love each other and that’s all that matters. Maybe in the next 13 years we’ll revisit the idea lol. Happy marriage!

[@sumlem]

If anything, a potluck and a movie night sounds like a fun way to have family together, but there's no pressure to do anything

[@Flawlesslmperfection]

I agree with Sunem - if the people in your life really want to celebrate with you, but you don't want a big event, you could do something lowkey like a potluck or BBQ.

[@ceeciecee9563]

What plant tho? 👀

[@tiffanyrubenstein2341]

Recycling and local was a theme of my wedding. My dress was made from a local dressmaker out of old prom dresses/gowns from a second-hand shop ($250). Our food was local too, with pies from a small bakery made of local, in season fruits and nuts. We got married in a town square - reserving that section of lawn for an hour was about $15 - then went across the street to a friend’s restaurant for the reception. I loved my wedding. My mom paid for things she cared about that I didn’t, like favors. My aunt gifted me beautiful hand-made invitations. All-in-all it was beautiful and my husband and I loved it.

[@Meli_Mel_619]

Currently planning a wedding myself, my dude! What's helped me a lot to put everything in perspective is Jamie Wolfer's videos. I'm sure you've come across them if you've searched any wedding related thing here on YT. I was also that person who did not want to have a wedding party and using my hard saved money for a down-payment. But alas, that goal of home ownership is so out of grasp, we decided to do something nice for ourselves instead. Our budget is $10K, and it looks like we'll be able to keep it that way. I bought my dress 2nd hand for only $80. I'm altering it myself. Our venue is a public park so that cuts a lot of costs right there. Also, all the decoration is part of my personal collection or will be after the wedding. We're using house plants and oddities as decoration :) There is a way to keep things cheap my friends!!

[@maddieb.4282]

I’m so curious how you’re spending 10k if so many aspects of your wedding are so cheap!

[@miss_xenia_]

I love Jamie Wolfer! So glad she’s the first one I found. And Rock N Roll Bride is great too!

[@itsyissel]

Love Jamie's videos!

[@Meli_Mel_619]

@@maddieb.4282 Here's my breakdown and estimate so far: Ceremony: $750 Reception Space: $738 Catering & Beverage (No alcohol): $1,200 Desserts (with wedding cake): $200 Photo: $2,000 Table & Chair Rental: $600 Bride's Attire: $150 (Dress was $80, $70 for embellishments) Groom's Attire: $150 Hair/Makeup: $150 Day of Paper: $200 Day of Coordinator: $1,200 So far I'm at $7,338 I'm not sending physical invites and cutting things like a DJ, favors, floral, among other things. #WeddingsAreExpensive

[@gototherat]

As a autistic woman, I’ve never been tied to the wedding day due to my personal life, plus the overwhelming and often exhausting rituals for social capital. I think I much prefer watching dramas with weddings over marriage itself.

[@BianaBova]

My husband and I put off having our wedding for years because we were so stressed about how to make everyone happy, what with his family living in Colombia and my family scattered throughout the US. It felt like the only way to make things "fair" was to have two weddings, with one in each country, but that still felt very divided and sounded like an INTENSE amount of time and money. We ended up having a backyard wedding at my parent's home in the US, with 15 guests in attendance. It was easily one of the best days of my life, and if felt so amazing seeing our closest family be with each other for the first time. Some friends were a bit sad that they couldn't partake, but they were very understanding, and we're planning on doing a friends-only party some time soon 💕

[@AzuraBlackHeart]

I'm really introverted, and I enjoy my own company. when I'm out with friends and coworkers I'm social and friendly, but I've always found events and parties really draining. The idea of planning a wedding were I'm partly center of attention is honestly so stressful and it definitely makes me lean towards elopement. However being an only child I do feel some obligation to throw a bit more of an event for the sake of my family, cuz, for example: my dad won't have another chance to walk someone down the aisle. I'm constantly in this struggle of, "I would feel bad disappointing them" and "it's our day so it only matters what we want" 😮‍💨 Paying for an expensive party you don't want, or, sneaking off with only the two of you and then regretting not having pictures of you and your guests together, that it was Too low key .. struggle is real 💆🏼‍♀️

[@saramoreira9847]

Maybe stay at a middle point? A small wedding with maybe 50 people at max? Cut off unecessary things like party favours/souvenirs or having a bridal party, focus on nice photography and food etc. It's really about finding the balance, and realising what is truly important to you.

[@kaykeunil]

I definitely recommend not buying stuff marked for “weddings” regardless. If you’re cool with just a nice cake as opposed to specifically a wedding cake, you save a ton of money already. And if you have a small guest list you don’t have to worry as much about getting large quantities of stuff. But I hope you make the choice that makes you happy! I don’t feel like there’s any point to having a wedding if you’re miserable throughout the planning process and the event.

[@Iceechibi]

My husband and I bought a house in end of 2019 and had a super small wedding with only immediate family. We’re so glad we did that instead of a big wedding because we closed on our 1960s house for 70k and it’s now worth 200k in only 2 1/2 years (because of the housing crisis).

[@zinatarata]

Honestly, I think pinterest and instagram have made people think weddings are about perfection. But fun weddings are about the people, good food, the music and having a good time. It doesn't matter if it's an expensive venue or something cheaper or if it's gourmet food or pizza. Some friends of mine had a tiny wedding with their closest family and then threw a much simpler big party for friends a few weeks later. Very informal with cheap food and drinks, but so much fun.

[@roguestowl2280]

I spent about $6,000 on my wedding in 2013. I saved a lot by making my dress myself, and my (now ex) wife wore a suit that she already had. We also saved money on the cake by getting sheet cakes from a grocery store, and decorating them with fresh flowers.

[@erinmarie959]

My wife and I had a lowkey sea-side elopement about halfway through the couple of years during which my sister was planning (and re-planning) her traditional wedding during covid. We always wanted to elope, but seeing my normally very chill sister sooo stressed about everything, I was just like....yup yup made the right choice, could not be me lol. Springing for professional photography to get those once-in-a-lifetime photos for our elopement was a 100 percent worth it though. Best of both worlds.

[@minnasaraniemi7158]

Coming from Finland, I find it absolutely absurd when anyone says that the "lower end budget" for weddings in America is 22k, when in Finland having a budget of 15k is considered luxurious and expensive🤨 and also from what I've seen, so many wedding dresses are priced outrageously in America. For example in Say yes to the Dress, the starting point for all dresses seems to start at thousands of dollars, whereas in Finland you can go to a wedding dress boutique and get a beautiful dress for just hundreds of euros, and getting a custom made wedding dress made by a wedding dress designer is like 1-3k euros at most. And also the pure size of American weddings?? The fact that I've heard of people say "our small wedding only had +100 wedding guests"😀 what?? A small / medium sized wedding in Finland is 40-70 guests, and those already feel like large weddings.

[@minnasaraniemi7158]

Also to do with the bridesmaids/maid of honor thing, I think that if you are the ones having the wedding, inviting the guests and asking people to be your bridesmaids etc, you are paying for it. Being the maid of honor or a bridesmaid should be a privilege and an honour, not a responsibility and a burden, because they didn't ask to be in that position. If they or for example family members want to help, for example chipping into the wedding budget, that again shouldn't be something they feel pressured to do, but more of a thing that they want to do for the couple.

[@deathbatgirlxxx]

To be fair, Kleinfeld's (the dress shop in Say Yes) is a very upscale shop. There's plenty of budget dress shops in the U.S. too, the most known being the David's Bridal chain. They famously hold $99 gown sales in the early summer, although the prices might be higher now.

[@avalonsignoraalmas6150]

@@minnasaraniemi7158 , being a bridesmaid or maid of honor is a responsibility. The maid of honor especially has certain things she is expected to do, just like the best man. If the bridal party didn’t want the extra work or cost, they could just decline and decide to be guests instead.

[@minnasaraniemi7158]

@@avalonsignoraalmas6150 but why should it be the bridesmaids or maid of honor's responsibility just because two people decided to get married. I get that they have some part in the organising process, for example reception activities, entertainment, maybe helping with the decorations etc. but other people's wedding should never me any other people's monetary responsibility but the couples (and like I said, if family members and friends want to chip in, great, but it shouldn't be expected) I'm not saying you need to be paying your friends to be bridesmaids or the m.o.h. or anything like that, but for example, do you go to a catering firm and expect them to pay you to cater in your wedding? No. You pay for their work and effort and for bridesmaids and m.o.h paying for their dresses is the least you can do and honestly the most you have to do for them. And besides if anyone keeps thinking "oh, you don't wanna pay us as the wedding couple to be in the bridal party, we're just gonna invite other people in your place" no one is going to want to be in that bridal party and then who is there to help you when no one can afford it or handle the wedding couple's demands?

[@minnasaraniemi7158]

Because I have heard of so many instances where especially the brides demands got so outrageous and downright offensive to the point where decades of friendships have been lost due to being asked to be in the bridal party.

[@andiross6607]

Hey tiff!!! Here in Australia we have a show called Australia’s cheapest wedding. Maybe there’s a US version. It has this weird tonal mix of low key looking down on the couple for not spending, but also kind of like, giving tips to the audience for saving money and portraying the couple as smart and savvy You should check it out !!

[@Shirumoon]

Damn we have that in Germany, too! It's really bad though with making fun of the couples.

[@Construyendoaishtar]

I think it's on Netflix intrnationally. It sucks that they poke fun at the wedding party, bc some of them looked very comitted (in good times and bad), and therefore more romantic than cookie-cutter weddings

[@vanessa17ashley]

I had my wedding during covid, and the one thing I thank covid for is allowing me to have the small, intimate wedding I wanted without hurting anyone's feelings. We all quarantined for the two weeks leading up, and including my husband and I, there were 12 people at my wedding. It was everything I wanted. We rented a small space and I got a dress and had our ceremony, took pictures, went back to my parents house for a small meal, and I was home and in my comfy clothes by 6pm. It was amazing. Genuinely one of the best days I've ever had, and I don't think the whole thing cost more than $3,000. Which is not a negligible amount, but compared to some of the weddings I've been to, it's practically nothing

[@theblackestdove]

Our wedding cost my wife and I less than $1k. My mom's wedding present to us (she's pretty well off) was to buy our wedding dresses for us, both off the clearance/last chance rack at a local shop. My MOH was a manager at a local high end grocery store and her wedding present was to use her discount to help us cater the wedding. We used our apartment building's community room and a friend of a friend officiated. All of our decorations were purchased on Amazon. Some day, we would like to have our dream wedding to renew our vows, but what was important to us was that we were getting married. By 7 pm that night, we were in PJs, chilling on our couch with the bridal party, and watching Disney movies.

[@darriennemartin4083]

My engagement ring we picked out together and got it on sale for $325. I loved it just as much as the $1300 ring. As we grow older we’ll upgrade it as a we see fit. I do struggle in wanting to plan a beautiful wedding because I feel that with so many events in my life I’ve had to settle for something I didn’t want because it was cheap but I do see that I can’t use this to recreate my prom or homecomings or graduations. I don’t have to spend thousands to be a princess that day. I just want to build a great life with my partner and can’t compensate for my insecurities of growing up poor

[@ElyzaHalpern]

Why do I find this video so increibly comforting? It's like a warm hug of social commentary and wedding industry tea.

[@Sudenveri]

I got married in '17 and it was the most pared-down version of an American wedding possible (outside of courthouse/backyard weddings): no showers, bachelor/bachelorex parties, no wedding parties at all, did all the decor myself, wore a dress I already owned, DJ'ed the reception ourselves - and it STILL cost $15k. It was ultimately worth it to us, because it was a big, chill party with family and friends, which was the whole purpose. The biggest expense was one of accessibility: my husband and I are both disabled, and we had to hire a wedding planner because we just flat-out wouldn't have been able to do it ourselves. Alas, even the wedding industry suffers from the crip tax.

[@TMMx]

I used to play in a wedding band. For a band that's not very well-known it is probably the easiest way to make lots of money. The folks who can afford wedding bands also spend a lot of money on other aspects of the wedding, so I got quite a glimpse at how wealthy folks live.

[@troll5725]

I also am glad you brought up the costs of the guests and also the bridal party. I was in a bridal party where the bride wanted me to spend $250 on makeup for the day, $50 on shoes and then pay $160 for a private yacht for her hens night. Not to mention she wanted me altering the bridesmaids dresses. I live off government funding. My partner also in the bridal party had to excuse himself because a massive work opportunity arose (dream job type) and as a result the kicked us both out of the bridal party, hens and bucks night ( which was for all friends not just bridal party) and the wedding as guests. apparently this was true reflection of our friendship and that they have others lining up to be in their bridal party.

[@seacrest73]

I've always really struggled with what I want to do for my wedding. The expectation in Arab culture is to do a large opulent wedding. It marks the start of a new chapter in the couple's life where they will live and have sex and a family with someone else for the first time. The guest list is enormous because ppl basically invite everyone they have ever known *and their families*. You have to invite everyone who ever invited you to their wedding. Parents invite all of *their* friends and aquitances. Every distant blood relative is on the list. Prolific community members have to be on the list even if you're not personally close. The list ends up being a mile long. And you have to put on a wedding that all the *attendees* will enjoy. Your own enjoyment is almost irrelevant. Actual friends of the bride and groom end up making a tiny fraction of the guest list. Not inviting someone is a snub that can actually ruin relationships. I wish small weddings could be normalized. I see it happening more and more, but only by ppl who basically could never afford such a big grand wedding in the first place. As for the lead up events, I actually hate these. I'm already paying so much into the attendance of the wedding. Why do I also have to pay into your bridal shower or whatever the fuck? To be honest, the only reason I would want a large wedding is because I want to get back what I've paid into other people. I want everyone buying me expensive gifts and showering me with love and attention. If not for that, I would just elope.

[@gandhi_ab]

Your fellow arab man is feeling you here! Even if i want to elope that ends nothing. Now every fucking person will start making endless comments and assumptions about me, my wife and the relationship. Also you are being cheap, what's wrong with you and so on