3 key principles for great conversation | Emily Chamlee-Wright

There are 3 key principles that separate a good conversation from a great one - and they’ll completely change how you communicate.
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Emily Chamlee-Wright discusses the principles of great conversations: humility, critical thinking, and sympathetic listening.
Humility, not just deference to expertise, involves recognizing the complexity of the world and our own limited perspectives, promoting openness to learning from others. Critical thinking, identifying gaps in logic and evidence, enriches discussions by fostering depth and analytical engagement. Sympathetic listening involves understanding others' viewpoints without immediate critique, encouraging empathy and respectful exploration.
By embracing these principles, conversations become spaces for mutual learning, enriched perspectives, and meaningful exchanges that bridge differing viewpoints.
Read the full video transcript: bigthink.com/t...
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[@The-Well]

Think back to the best conversations you've ever had. Why were they the best? Did they include any of the key three principles that Emily describes?

[@huyup123456]

The best conversations I have had made me feel understood or gave me the chance to be very honest and vent my feelings.

[@5layo]

Humility Critical thinking Sympathetic listen

[@heatguillen]

My grandfather used to say, "There is always something to learn from a king to a peasant , so always listen." That is what this reminds me of.

[@The-Well]

Love this! Your grandfather sounds like a wise man!

[@losthappiness3130]

​@@The-Well4:10

[@andreharris144]

yeah my dad tells me soldering similar to this day

[@huili-8549]

I have a friend who I always share a great conversation with, and we both agree that the reasons why we always have such kind of conversations is bc of the same reasons listed above. We often talk about how difficult it is to converse with colleagues in our field. Like how often our thoughts and opinions get silenced or rejected,, it's sad, and I see no point in pursuing a productive discussion if all they want is to prove they're better at a topic. It's almost sad how a lot of ppl don't actually listen in a conversation,, they're all busy preparing a response to reject your views and prove they're right. It's disheartening how you're eager to share insights but they're busy proving a point that they're better or more knowledgeable.

[@asap..now.]

So true, well said.

[@zenastronomy]

this is also a problem if the knowledge gap between two people is huge. an expert and a beginner can't have a good conversation as it mostly is the expert talking down to him. you'd need 2 people of comparative abilities to talk.

[@toni2309]

​@@zenastronomyI think they can have a good conversation if the expert is open to listening and humble and able to set aside trying to put things right for a moment to understand the beginner's perspective, just as stated in the video. Then the beginner will actually be able to share the mindset they come from, and the experience they have. For a teacher, knowing where roadblocks lie and how one own's mindset differs from the one of a beginner can be valuable knowledge - if you are deep in a topic you can struggle to know what another person doesn't know, so that can be valuable insight.

[@zenastronomy]

@@toni2309 often it's the opposite. the beginner is unwilling to cede the lack of ignorance to the expert.

[@toni2309]

@@zenastronomy Now that you say it, while I did have really good conversations with university profs in like the first semester, in more everyday situations, I think I can see what you mean.

[@robertarvanitis8852]

Well said. Perhaps another term for "sympathetic" might be "fault-tolerant." In early days of the internet, Marc Andreessen describes the debate between between strict constructionists and educators. The former insisted on clear, well-formatted inquiries. The educators pushed for fault-tolerant syntax. Don't reject typos too readily; try to discern what the user was after. The educators were persuasive. That's why search engines today often say "Did you mean...?" If machines can do that, surely we can as well.

[@The-Well]

Great insight! Thanks for sharing!

[@pawelkapica5363]

I come from a family where there were a lot of arguments and the need to be right and overpower the other person. I find myself struggling with sympathetic listening. Sometimes when I am aware, I can do it and it feels much nicer. Unfortunately, mostly I am trying to convince the other person of my point of view. Afterwards, I often feel ashamed of myself and my ego. Maybe there is an underlying lack of self-worth and that's why I need to be right. Anyway, your points helped, and I will try and stay more aware of my position and implement them.

[@lambro3001]

The first step before making meaningful change is recognizing that there is change to be made. Good for you my man.

[@samday6621]

Great points. Have the bravery (or humility) to listen and also the bravery to question yourself. We then learn more, and in doing so realise how much we didn’t know….and wonder how much we still don’t know.

[@wendy1479]

Oh my GOSH!! This is a skill that I really lack and haven't had a good way to describe in service of improving. It helped so much being able to share this with my son, husband, friends and go "Y'know- THAT! I want to learn to be better at that"

[@mariap.927]

You're gonna improve! I believe it!

[@byrnesy924]

Brilliant articulation of experimental and intellectual humility in a conversation

[@dolamyte]

To boil this video down to one sentence- There are two kinds of people, those who seek information and those seeking affirmation.

[@Uncommonsenses]

Maybe it’s just a part of getting older, but it seems to me more people these days engage in conversation in order to ‘win’. And if they can’t convert you to validating their opinion, any disagreement you have is seen as evidence of a moral failing worthy of shunning. I have beliefs that span the right/left cultural divide and I often find myself stumbling into conversation with self appointed culture warriors who have pre-salted the conversational playing field with mines that will trigger preprogrammed explosive responses. I remember greatly enjoying spirited debates with people who challenged me. We could have a fundamental difference of opinion but still share mutual respect for each other. It was possible to accept that a person could have a different point of view while also being on equal moral and intellectual footing. And we used to have fun. Humor these days seems to have devolved into petty zingers, sarcasm, cynicism, name calling and ad hominem attacks. Gone are the days of conversations that celebrated the beauty of word play as well as the beauty of ideas. Or maybe I’ve become an overly opinionated old bastard. Tough to tell.

[@sup3a]

Very true. Although, there are still many of us younger people who share your view of good debate. We're not all gone :)

[@Uncommonsenses]

@@sup3aglad to hear there are a few left😊

[@bkb04g]

Age will do that to you, as it has done it to me as well without even being aware of it in the moment. Also, I believe the younger generations dependence on tech has hindered their interpersonal skills so they rely on being critical, because that’s the easier route to take.

[@melloncolliemedb]

conversation isn't debate

[@Uncommonsenses]

@@melloncolliemedbthere isn’t much purpose to a conversation if is only an agreement.

[@christiepistone6130]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I dont have very great conversation skills. I really wanted to understand why this was and at the end of this video I realized I lack critical thinking skills when it comes to speaking and wording things properly. I often come off as silly because I panic and cant think straight. This video really helped me dissect that. Thanks so much !

[@nunyabidness6820]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:09 🧠 Great conversations leave us feeling smarter and deeply curious, fostering learning and understanding. 01:07 🙌 Humility is a fundamental design principle for great conversations, emphasizing a genuine openness to learning from others. 03:31 🤔 Great conversations integrate critical thinking and sympathetic listening, valuing understanding from the other person's perspective. Made with HARPA AI

[@grapefanta5975]

Thank u!!

[@nicholas8479]

Can this be done with ChatGPT?

[@nunyabidness6820]

i dont know to be honest i just saw guy post a summary in another video and googled harpa ai and installed the extension but it think it is using chatgpt as the base for its content generation@@nicholas8479

[@julioreyram]

This is amazing, I love it. I also think it's very related to ultimate's frisbee 'spirit of the game'.

[@surfcello]

What she says makes sense. But only in a narrow band of the whole spectrum of what a conversation can be. A conversation could be about maths or science, where things are either true or not, and there’s no room for opinion (except in what you consider interesting). Or it could be poetic, where you take joy purely from they way the other person uses language. Or it could be one of the many, many conversations that serve the purpose of building or maintaining a relationship, where it’s not really important what you’re talking about, whether you learn something or whether things are true or not; what’s important is how it makes you and the other feel, and that you strengthen the bond between yourselves.

[@toni2309]

As someone who has studied a bit of maths in university, I don't think can genuinely say that there is no opinion in math at all. There have been debates that have been settled by a proof of something being right. There was the foundational crisis of maths that was settled with Gödel's incompleteness theorem, which also states that some things can be unprovable in a system. People do have opinions on some of the not yet proven problems in maths, on whether they are true or not. There is quite some stuff that "is true if and only if the continuum hypothesis is true" as far as I know. There are also proofs that are kinda more liked or seen as more elegant than others. Making a proof by construction is seen as more elegant than one by contradiction by some people, and also there are opinions on proofs by algorithms given that people are unhappy about that those don't give new things to learn about methodology since you cannot understand what the computer did.

[@tedmoyses2942]

I somewhat agree with your idea of this being narrow. This kind of idealised conversational approach is also vulnerable to trolls. Assuming good faith and reason can allow you to be lead at least some way down a path you might not ordinarily follow or consider. It's a nice idea but you should also have a background "troll detection" sense too, lest you waste time or energy. That being said many stem subjects are not black and white, we really do need to understand engineering and architectural decisions and their tradeoffs before declaring them unfit. While these are subjects based on the physical world, the disciplines have many valid interpretations

[@surfcello]

@@toni2309 I agree. I just wanted to mention something that was far on the one end of the spectrum. Of course you're right that many discussion in maths and science have a tolerance for opinion. But I believe some don't.

[@trappart9209]

The thing is, there is no guarantee of "truth". We can only move towards truth, but we can't acquire it. I suggest reading about philosophical skepticism

[@KGchannel01]

Great stuff! I think I'm going to share this in adult Sunday School.

[@iankane1733]

Great video! Now if only people would apply this to KZbin comment sections.

[@nicholas8479]

😂

[@mattggonzz]

It’s been so long since I talked to someone who seemed genuinely interested in me. I’m beginning to feel worthless.

[@AllCanucks]

Keep going, Matt, you’re here for a reason

[@saulypopsxx]

Define your worth not by how you perceive how others engage with you - Define it by your own values and remember to always love yourself! More blessings my brother life is amazing for you!!

[@loverofmotherearth]

I can relate to this! When I was in Korea, I was happy to associate with fellow meditators, but in the US so many people seem taken over by junk values over human connection

[@Bat_Boy]

Problem: Most people are sleep walking through life. They have a profound lack of self awareness, and have no motivation to change. I can’t have a “conversation” with my sister, who dominates, and bullies the conversation. She has zero interest in my point of view.

[@Johny-Kad]

Exactly my dad :(

[@brakeduster]

You need to have good rapport and hold certain principles and outlooks in common. This doesn't happen with everyone you meet. It only happens with a minor percentage actually, but there are people who can fake it through mirroring you or asking vague but open questions. Or using the Forer effect. I'd rather have fewer but real conversations than lots of fake ones. Do you know what I mean? (Your cue to pensively nod and agree now)

[@toni2309]

I'd say that it's less about having the same outlooks but more about having compatible outlooks about outlooks. If both have very different beliefs but can agree on what they see as belief vs truth and accept that their beliefs are beliefs, I think that can work out and be an enrichening perspective.

[@brakeduster]

@@toni2309 Yes indeed. A deeper understanding about how fallible beliefs can be, and yet how strong they can be. Hmmm not sure now if your reply is a real conversation or if you're faking it for the sake of the video. Just kidding ... 😄

[@The-Well]

*pensively nods and agrees*

[@vatsal715]

Most of us are blessed with 2 ears and 1 tongue. There's a reason for this and ensure to use them in same manner to Listen more and speak less.

[@CrankyHermit]

I've never met anyone with both infallible logic and all the information. I've also never met anyone who didn't know something I did not.

[@Naughty-jq2gg]

Thank you so much🙏💕

[@thistest2001]

hhmmss 1:42 - 2:54 great communication skills distilling persuasion choice

[@Voiceofblessedness]

Inspiring ❤❤❤❤ thank you.

[@toni2309]

Unfortunately, in my experience, going in with these points is exactly what usually drives me having conversations that make me feel absolutely awful. In my experience, me doing these things can leave me just... loose myself, really. I will be listening to people and what they say will be so foreign to my thoughts, so incompatible with my lived reality and so different from the concepts I use that leaning into those and trying to understand them leaves me so far from my own ones that I'm having a hard time making a connection and even come back to my own line of thought to share my own. Hearing the same bad advice that you know doesn't work or the same things that invalidate your lived experience again and again leaves me feeling awful. I always and up leaving conversations feeling like I want to clear up the misconception of the other person, but because I have been listening intently and not preparing an answer, well, I didn't have an answer prepared and didn't know what to say. Unfortunately, I am making the experience that to have conversations that don't constantly leave me invalidated I have to lead with my experience and prepared things because otherwise those things happen where people will just hurt me and I will struggle to communicate anything.

[@pela907]

So you basically hold your perspective as the standard or truth and people telling you of they're experiences shakes your world view...I think what she said about humility applies here in that, you should probably learn to view your perspective as a piece of a puzzle instead of the entire thing...leave room for change. And change will hurt if you are rigid which I'm guessing you are.

[@toni2309]

@@pela907 What do you mean by "holding my perspective as standard of truth"? What part of world view are you talking about? People don't tell me experiences. People tell me how to live my life, or tell me things about myself. I'm not sure what you mean by viewing my perspective as a piece of the puzzle here, too. What is the puzzle here? Because when it comes to whole human experience, my perspective sure is a puzzle piece. But if it comes to specific medical advice from other people about my life that either are disproven by science or stuff I know from experience won't work they're putting in puzzle pieces from a completely different puzzle and being like "here take this piece that fits" Yes, I do usually find that change can hurt and be difficult.

[@toni2309]

@@pela907 I want you to see what you are doing. You are not taking what I say at face value and entertaining that I might be saying the truth but outright rejecting it. You are not asking questions, talking about your experience, others experience, or findings of studies but talking right about what you think about me. How are you applying those principles? How are you leaving room for you to learn? How are you not putting yourself above me? What you did is exactly what happens. I would open up, share my experiences, and people would take that as a way to see me as stupid and as someone who needs advice from them, rather than an opportunity to share their experiences, too, have a conversation at eye level, try to both learn and share knowledge.

[@EmperorsNewWardrobe]

@@toni2309if I could note a possible pattern. Toni, in starting with a negative comment that’s about your suffering (even complaining), there’s a response to help you or even push back on any blaming of others. Is that not an understandable, even predictable, response? I wonder how much that complaining-to-pushback/rescue is a pattern generally. As for your issue itself, it sounds like you get lost in their thoughts and forget your own, to the point of feeling passive? I actually kind of agree, that leading with your own experiences and verbalising is a good way to get avoid getting totally absorbed into their frame, but then once that’s established, all the points in the video make good sense. They’re like conversation enhancers, but only once your sense of self feels settled in the conversation first. This is all assuming you’re open to having your mind changed, of course!

[@toni2309]

@@EmperorsNewWardrobe Well, I was trying to verbalize that people can have different experiences, that not all of them are the same. A lot of the time this is what it is, people will ask me for things in my life, I will just answer truthfully with when things are shit and people will take it as an opportunity to take themselves as the expert over my life. But I am not a failed neurotypical, I'm an auDHD person with unmet needs. I personally think what is getting in the way is how I automatically take things people say by heart and try to answer to that instead of considering how I want to shape the conversation and let that influence my answers, which, frankly, is quite exhausting for me and doesn't lead to me being happy in the conversation either. And just my general issue with task switching and slow processing. I guess it is an understandable response if they take it that way, but again, I wish they would take it just a bit more often as a way of "here is a minority speaking about their lived experience which might be different than mine and I could learn about social issues by listening". I'm also someone who is generally interested in learning for life, so it's not like I don't want any advice ever. I consider myself neurodivergent and trans, though, and while I appreciate another neurodivergent or trans person being like "Hey I know this this helped me" or or even someone who can relate to it in other ways, I don't really appreciate the "Have you tried being cis yet?". I guess maybe I just want to vent and feel heard sometimes. (On that note, exactly because I hear that so often, yes, I am aware that therapy is there and good, but because said problems I am looking for a therapist with experiences of marginalization which is rather hard to find through insurance where I live) I'm trying to learn to have the courage to be frank about seeing myself as neurodivergent aka having a difference in neurology and having hiding these differences less as a goal, and also be more frank about some of my leftist political stances when people say things that just assume you must do and want everything for the economy, but it's hard and takes time. Thank you for listening.

[@mvnorsel6354]

Most of my conversations aren't conversations at all, I simply listen as the other person just keeps talking. Being alone far better😅.

[@jeannestclairs]

In conversations i often find myself asking questions, I'm curious by nature. I'm curious about what people really are on the inside. Long before i discovered this video, i hold a belief that each individual has their own interesting story, past, and fascinating minds and i want to know and learn from them. But they just happen to not be as curious as me. I'm the one asking question, they talk and talk and talk. I'm not one to reveal myself easily unless asked, sometimes i wonder wether i am not interesting enough to be learned and observed.. 😂

[@sarahyip2825]

​@@jeannestclairsGoing by the MBTI personality type, most probably you will be an INFP or INTP ie the mediator or counselor type. A person of depth with curiosity. But the flip side is this type gets taken for granted bcoz of their availability to others. So learn to pull back to focus on yourself.

[@paulmcgreevy3011]

You’re obviously here to brush up on your internal discussion for when you’re alone?

[@touchheartyoga]

I often hear the word "humility" used where in my opinion the better word is 'decency'

[@zacharybloo9884]

Love the pointers but I can't get over how great she would be cast in the role of "the other mother" in the live action Coraline that I'm sure will be coming down the pipeline in the next few years

[@ammarsawi]

Thank you 😊❤

[@ttearr]

Great video 👌 thanks a lot

[@kitnoCC]

Awesome video! Thank you

[@The-Well]

Glad you liked it!

[@spidycounts3165]

I've tried humility many times but some people think that a person who is humble is stupid. So, I remain kinda confused. Please suggest me what should i do?

[@thistest2001]

hhmmss 1:42 - 2:54 empathy listening connection community

[@NateAustin19]

Loved this video, thanks!

[@The-Well]

So glad! Thanks for being here!

[@BU_IDo]

Got it. Leave all preconceived notions at the door.

[@ShyFly1000]

I just love the topic of this video. I haven’t watched it yet but I have high expectations.

[@The-Well]

Hopefully your expectations were met! 😊

[@adem6371]

Interesting. Contemporary sociology would disagree however with the notion of sympathy which holds a different power relationship where you feel sympathy for a person as opposed to empathy which attempts to put yourself in their shoes while remaining in your own. However I feel this is what she may have meant.

[@wmgodfrey1770]

One's emotional State of Mind when they've learned stuff or EVEN while they're learning stuff is a HUGE deal, has an awfully lot to do with the views, beliefs, knowledge, worldview, ETC. that one holds or EVEN that a group holds. I.e., the gestalt of the lived experience of the individual AND the Zeitgiest of the time period you a very large extent has almost immeasurable effects on just HOW people "hold," carry, and regard the stuff that they know, the stuff we think we know, AND the stuff that we feel so very certain about - as well as simply NEED to feel certainty towards. If up to nearly half the population or say 40 to 45% of a population picked up most of the stuff in their mind-brain psyche apparatus WHILE they've been living in the fight fright freeze mode of the Sympathetic Nervous System, THEN that's what's attached to the knowledge AND beliefs, and THEN that's HOW it's going to be pulled up from memory, retrieved AND translated INTO a conversation - be it in person, over the phone, or online. Nowadays, SINCE beliefs have gotten anchored to so many people's identities, just EVEN to bring up certain specific words, phrases, ideas, topics, or issues ALSO retrieves THAT particular Mind State, ALONGSIDE the emotions WHEN that stuff originally got stored in the 🧠... Almost invariably AND immediately causes them to react in a RATHER unregulated or emotionally dysregulated manner. HENCE, blocks, obstacles, barriers, etc. go up; discourse cannot occur - at least not in any dialectical fashion nor calm exchange nor dialogue synthesis wherein BOTH parties or ALL concerned are respected, well heard + understood, AND in the spirit of say the Socratic Method of Dialogue. WHY? Because one or more of the participants have ALREADY gotten, yes - triggered. HUGE barrier to properly engaging in a debate & discussion. WHICH is where We nowadays find ourselves in TOO many cases locked into an apparent inability to move forward, to synthesize, compromise, and EVEN just to plain simply agree to try to fully understand the other's or others' perspectives or "take" on any given matter. THIS occurs no matter what's at stake, no matter the need for dialectic into dia-logos, the need to make progress. Again, WHY! Cuz that shit surrounding a person's Ideas on any gor'ram frikkin thing is locked in perpetual fear, threat, unsafe mode. Until we learn to deal with that or somehow find methods to diffuse SUCH brain bombs and emotional triggers... Neither side can get together on the important things or even trivial matters of the day. That said, EVEN knowing THIS crap doesn't seem to be able to get MANY people unlocked from said Sympathetic Nervous System freeze 🥶 Modes CUZ that freeze, flight, fright, fight 👊 mode is trapped deeply in the psyche, down deep in the Brain-Body Neural Network 🥅. THIS is where Warm Data Labs, Circling Dialogue Techniques, and other methods of bringing folks together, ESPECIALLY on the really important issues of today AND of THIS era of our time on Earth becomes massively important, useful, and potentially - which it's been proven to be NOW for the last several years - productive. Refer to the work being undertaken recently by the Vervaeke Foundation, the Consilience Project, AND the Cynefin Project, as well as adjacent work, frameworks, projects, ETC. and so forth. Otherwise, nothing can nor will get done, NAMELY on the big things, the critical issues, the important stuff of Our Shared Human Predicament. CUZ there's a To-Do List AND there ain't no time to waste.

[@chrisbarry9345]

I need help with the basics. What to ask people. How to know when they want ro keeo talking etc

[@utubeing94]

I think that will come as a result of really listening and trying to understand, because then if you agree you can respond with your complementary point and dive into that point or if you disagree, you probably don’t understand, then you can ask further questions to try to understand. I think this is how my conversations usually go.

[@swiftycortex]

Do you pay attention to nonverbal cues? I find the basics being in the nonverbal.

[@utubeing94]

@@swiftycortexI think with the assumption that people want to feel smart after a conversation aka people love talking about themselves, most time they are happy to talk. Perhaps a cue on the flip side is just not engaging with your questions, eg. with 1 word answers

[@sharonlima8913]

Summary Emily Chamlee-Wright discusses three key principles for great conversations, emphasising the importance of humility, critical thinking, and sympathetic listening. Highlights 🤝 Humility Engage in conversations with a deep sense of humility, recognizing the limitations of your own perspective and the potential for mutual learning. 🧠 Critical Thinking Embrace critical thinking by identifying gaps in logic and evidence-based arguments, a cornerstone of a liberal education. 👂 Sympathetic Listening Practice sympathetic listening by genuinely understanding the other person's perspective, setting aside the search for flaws in their reasoning, and assuming their intelligence and reasoning abilities.

[@chiditheedon]

The person that comes to my mind after watching this video is Leonardo Da Vinci

[@huguettebourgeois6366]

Even if it’s just temporarily. 😮

[@olgat.155]

Right.

[@eze2190]

I prefer conversations where the other person doesn’t use the word “right” at the end of their sentences. Right?

[@vishalgarg8960]

Believe me everyone is not worth such conversations.....😅

[@aynAlifsm]

Beautiful

[@JM-sv5wg]

I am not sure I agree with the fact that a conversation should be useful or that you should learn something from it. Like meditation, it doesn’t have any purpose but make you feel good. The same way people talk about the weather because they don’t have anything to talk about but we are Social animals and talking even about nothing useful feels good. Human warmth is good and it shouldn’t necessarily be seen as something you win or that you can quantify. It looks to me that this is something they would teach you in the corporate world (networking event or work related event) and it can be good for that purpose but god I hate when people overthink what they have to say or they lack spontaneity…

[@TomYoungster]

I see what you're saying. in fairness, this is a 5 minute video of concentrated information aimed at a demographic of viewers of the "The We'll" KZbin channel, and subject to biases like any other, but i think the "because it feels good" motivator that you're talking about isn't necessarily completely different from what she's saying; evolutionarily speaking there's simply a benefit to conversation, whether we're cavemen or neighbors there's a function that she's casting a light on that many folks watching may not see. Conversing for the sake of conversing is as good of reason as any 👍

[@3glitch9]

Yea I don't think she's referring to the same kind of thing you are. We tend to communicate differently with people we are close to and/or are relaxed around and know very well. We also communicate differently when we're younger than when older. I remember thinking it was ridiculous that "old people always talk about the weather", now I realize it's not because of not having something to talk about, it's a lot of things but one for sure is it's common ground where all differences can be left aside, a subject that people enjoy while also enjoying each other's company. Sort of like "keeping your manners". When we're brand newish on the planet, weather is the least of our concerns! Lol But eventually..... it will be one of the biggest topics if convo. Eventually we all live and learn the hard way about the ways some people can be. But more importantly, we learn about ourselves along the way _while_ going through it all. And that's the level of understanding she's speaking about here due to the unbelievable state that humanity is in, and unable to not understand the mind chatter is not who we are. And when left to it's own devices it becomes the _ruler_ and turns us into reactionary slaves to it... aka Ego. Once ego is in control, it maked communication with that person difficult because they can't see or percieve past their own mind fixation on one's own feelings and emotions. Rather they become influentially controlled by them via ego, and believe the world outside of them is happening TO them, always pointing blame at someone else, not ever questioning within ones own self. You can always tell where ego is the boss because of ego uses the entire spectrum of it's influence, from superiority complexes to the victim mentality and all in-between and everywhere else - it's all two sides of the same coin. Whenever we feel hurt and comes up within us as anger, offended etc.. that's because we're not the boss! Ego is. Otherwise we'd be able to see things from different perspectives, from other people's points of view, we'd be able to see the bigger picture. And currently in the world, due to so much pain, and going down the wrong path to escape it or mask it, people are primarily not listening to anything, and if they are it's only because they want to top what you say, correct you in some way, prove you wrong to prove themselves right etc... They are easily triggered and every single thing said to them - they have a negative or opposite comeback - no matter what. And they can't even see it. They're completely ate up with it, disconnected from their heart and soul, with no compassion and empathy for other human beings. The could care if they take advantage of others for personal gain, their reasonings being they see others do it and get away with it, and feel it's not fair if they don't take advantage people or situations, or cheat people a little here or there outta their money or time.... and that's all it takes! Once going down that path the things people are capable of doing get worse over time. They don't think so inside themselves, in their heads that is, where ego is pumping them full of themselves and filling their heads with rationalizations. Imagine a world full of these types, not all, but the majority. Well it would look like it is today. Where we can't even conversate normally anymore because almost EVERYONE is keyed up and about to pounce and AnyThing. There's even youtube instruction videos on how to have a conversating! And the tips are the basics! There's not anyone telling anyone else what to do here. No one is telling anyone else they're wrong. It's actually like a cry for help to humanity! To find your heart before it's too late! Opinionated judgmentalness is a sign we need to look within ourselves. Our heart is waiting. #Wetiko

[@sean7484]

Post truth era

[@senshai1267]

It was a great conversation the other person was also talking 💀

[@HunaBopa]

Stuttering keeps me from having a great conversation. Tell me a remedy for stuttering

[@anywallsocket]

What’s next, someone with a PhD telling me how to walk without hurting myself? 😂

[@jonathangilmore3193]

I could not disagree more with the presenter’s apparent primary emphasis on humility, as important as humility becomes to sustained interpersonal experiences and to relational wisdom! The most important characteristics for conversational art and practice is personal authenticity, self-awareness, emotional resilience and empathy. Quite aside from one’s knowledge of things is knowing oneself, a capacity for vulnerability and therefore a potential for interpersonal intimacy. What Americans often lack is the self-knowledge that underpins emotional maturity, which is the best long-term basis for sustained deep friendship and relationships that can overcome the adolescent preoccupations of our tribally immature ideological superficialities! Most of what are now called conversations are simply “feel good” probing of does he or she agree with me. The failures to know ourselves and to “grow up” emotionally is IMO the cause of our trivial acquaintanceships!

[@trappart9209]

All good qualities which are mentioned come together with humility. Can you imagine a person with self awareness, emotional maturity but without humility? I personally can't

[@apple1231230]

3:52 oooof, i guess she hasn't talked to many "very open minded" college educated people recently. maybe they've gotten significantly more open minded since i was in the art and architecture 5 year curriculum 5 years ago. i'll hold my breath. what a waste of 80,000$, i could've indoctrinated myself for much cheaper otherwise, great video! edit* sympathetic listening is a valid and worthwhile skill, but does not have to exist by assuming the person you're talking to is smart. That's patently stupid. the person you're talking to is far more likely to be average and is equally unlikely to be smart as they are to be dumb. One should reserve their judgment of a persons intelligence for as long as they can and take a blank slate approach while attempting to acknowledge any personal and unconscious biases they may be having in the background as they come to asses said person. to me, most people come off as stupid, so i also have to suppress this

[@VijayPawar-sz6gq]

👌

[@ulabosha4583]

When someone over talks the other person. So annoying.

[@LaboriousCretin]

Interesting talk. Though it has been decades for me to have had a good conversation. I tend to stay away from people for sets of reasons. 1 being I have seen some of science go off the rails. Part from people placating to religious beliefs and messing things up. The other is bad teaching of things and that being passed on. Not to get into the various religious delusions, but religion has led groupings down wrong paths in science. After Christians attacked me and other athiest and got me locked out of social media. I never went back. You might be a social butterfly but I am not. I'm just more and more alien to others as time goes on. The divides deepen, the differences grow. Didactic learning helped me find the weird human memetic of wonderland in science. Almost to weird. Yet it exists and a way of conveying complex things simply, or distilling knowledge in a way. I can tell people how a hydrogen bomb works and the doped aerogel used to reduce radiation so neutrons live longer. With out working for the government or seeing classified documents. I know how they can increase neutron lensing. Something they don't have yet. Though back to the point. So few I would even want to have a good chat with exist. I see the conflicts of humanity and in human nature. Let's start to put humanity to some great filter tests. lol thank you for sharing, though I think it is little help. P.S. same last name but probably no relation.

[@aylerayler]

People chase their reason after conspiracy theories

[@1whospeaks]

My toxic trait is sleeping great at night knowing I have the objectively correct opinion on everything.

[@paperclips1306]

Everything is great about the video but I barely get a thought when I wanted to speak. My mind goes blank if I want to speak to anyone even my friends let alone public speaking or writing reports. Even the thought of speaking to someone blanks my mind. Does anybody have this kind of weird brain. And other way around i don't have interest in listening random talks about people.

[@christophertumblin5889]

Idk why, but this lady seems wildly insincere.

[@c.f.3503]

First

[@The-Well]

🏆

[@drydenbryson85]

U want a cookie?

[@silverhandle]

@@drydenbryson85I would like a cookie!

[@grdfhrghrggrtwqqu]

@@The-Well I like this positive attitude and approach towards the comment section. Keep on encouraging the right attitude!

[@The-Well]

@@grdfhrghrggrtwqqu Hey! Thank you so much!

[@MrArtisticals]

narcissitic maybe?

[@mrlanpp]

Very selective analysis.

[@monomakes]

This is a repost of a Big Think episode on Conversation. Bad form.

[@egrace3738]

This big think channel is funded by conservative money. Not all view points have to be respected as different but equal.

[@suleonid]

blubering