The Wrong Reasons to Marry! || NBF 381 || Dr Shadee Elmasry

[@dimplax5973]

I appreciate the admin/editor for adding timestamps. JazakAllahu khairan

[@1986rez41]

Dr. Shadee should write screenplay.

[@Pkfirst786]

UAE is sick at so many levels.

[@formetoknow540]

Why

[@Sunny-gy9vk]

Only marry someone who loves Allah and His Messenger peace be upon him, someone who loves and respects the deen, only marry someone who will help you draw closer to Allah and help you prepare for the Akhirah. Marry someone who will facilitate the seeking of knowledge for you.

[@viviantejada]

Genuine question from someone who recently converted to Islam - why should we cover for the man playing games with these women? (Even if he’s agreed to stop). I think the wife has a right to know what her husband has been up to and decide what direction to take. I don’t think it would immediately end in divorce. In many cases, the wife is not quick to divorce because she wants to try to save her family. I also think the chances of this being a one-off incident and never happening again are slim, especially if the husband has never been caught and has suffered no consequences from his actions. In many cases, it takes humiliation and regret for us to grow and turn back to Allah. Perhaps his wife finding out would serve as a catalyst for him to get his shit together, repent, and work to save his family, and in that process, become a better man. I think leaving the wife in the dark is unfair. I would feel betrayed by that sister if she knew me and knew what my husband was doing and chose not to tell me.

[@Nusaybah459]

❤

[@Noah-zo3bl]

Salam alaikum, As this is an emotionally sensitive issue I request that you bear with me in my explaining of the logic behind why it is better to do as the imam advised in the incident Shaykh Shadee narrated. For the third party that becomes aware of someone's adultery, if saving the family is the primary concern, then scaring off the one committing adultery (like what occurred in the aforementioned incident) is the only course of action I can think of that has the possibility of leading to the best possible outcome of this dilemma. This best possible outcome is where the one committing the offense ceases to do so, sincerely repents to Allah, and does not repeat it. The person has abandoned adultery, and the family does not suffer the (potentially insurmountable) emotional fallout that they otherwise would if they were to find out, and so the family remains intact as it was. Of course, it is not a guarantee that this outcome occurs, but this approach to the issue is a way of confronting it that leaves the door open to this resolution. To elaborate on why this approach is favorable, let's explore some alternative scenarios and some of their potential outcomes: One approach that can be taken is to do nothing. This option of *inaction* has two main outcomes: The offender continues to commit adultery and is eventually exposed, or Allah causes something to enter the person's heart that leads them to repent and reform. The former outcome can also occur after attempting to scare off the adulterer. The latter outcome is similar to the best possible outcome, meaning not doing anything also leaves this as a possibility. One difference, however, is that taking the action of scaring the person forces the issue and may lead to a quicker reformation in the offending individual. The consequences of this scenario for the family are similar to the case where a third party does not find out about the adultery. Another approach that they can take is to inform the offender's family of the infidelity. In this case, we likely have an outcome where deep emotional scarring and distrust develops between the husband and wife, which could extend to their children if they find out. The enduring of this emotional damage would likely fracture the family unit, potentially leading to divorce or the cutting of family ties. Even if they do not divorce immediately, the mental and emotional impact of the revelation makes divorce more likely later on. This type of fallout is also what might happen in the event that the offender continues in their adultery and is exposed some other way, as mentioned previously. While this approach does share this type of outcome with the other two mentioned, it does not share the possibility of the other (best possible) outcome as the adulterer has been exposed to their family and the consequences of that play out. We might consider that there is a possibility, however remote, that upon being informed of their partner's infidelity the other spouse chooses to do nothing about it. In this case, the spouse would likely be emotionally damaged, negatively affecting their state and therefore the state of the marriage and the family. Even if they were not so deeply harmed by this information, which is unlikely for most people, them doing nothing means the adultery would continue indefinitely. We might also consider the possibility that, upon learning of their partner's infidelity, the other spouse confronts their partner and resolves the issue with them (possibly with other family members getting involved). Even though such a resolution might be successful in preserving the family as a whole, and the emotional toll may wane over time, this is still a lesser outcome than the favored one because it carries an emotional toll for the family, exposes the sin to more people, and irreversibly alters the image members of the family have of each other. To summarize this, there are mainly two minds people have when it comes to the issue of exposing adultery: that the adulterer should suffer consequences, and that the family unit should be preserved. If you favor their suffering of consequences, you harm the preservation of the family unit, and if you favor the preservation of the family then you may not see them suffer worldly consequences. If our foremost concern is with preserving the family unit as much as possible, the action that has the best shot at this (even if slim) should be favored. As for consequences, we put our trust in Allah, and He is the best disposer of affairs. I apologize for the length of this reply, I wanted to carefully consider the issue so that anyone reading this might understand the rationale behind not exposing the adulterer, which may seem emotionally counterintuitive. Even so, this is a KZbin comment, and is by no means exhaustive. May Allah protect us and our families from this fitnah and what approaches it, and safeguard us from all trials that lead astray.

[@katierivera4900]

Yeah I don’t know how to feel either. Feels like an injustice to the woman.. I think she should have the right to choose whether or not she wants to stay with someone who disrespects her. That’s not something light. This feels like it protected the man more than the wife. Of course Allah knows best

[@formetoknow540]

I do feel like my time is passing 30 and not married everyone seems to think its just that easy

[@Somebody294]

Jazakum Allah khair

[@jamalibnrasit5303]

Asalamu aleyküm I read a Hadith that says “there is no marriage without consent. And her silence is consent.” This sounds more like İslam.

[@moonwalkerr87]

Beauty is also important, cannot overlook that, especially for men. Think about it. If nikah is supposed to protect chastity, then you should at least find the other person physically attractive. Otherwise, what is the point of nikah if you have nothing to look forward to? Nikah is the place where you can satisfy sexual desires.

[@jamalibnrasit5303]

Asalamu aleyküm I read a Hadith that says “there is no marriage without consent. And her silence is consent.” This sounds more like İslam.

[@tanvirbashar3077]

Asalamoalaikum dr shadee elmasry, can you respond to jake brancatella. He's misrepresenting ashari positions.

[@thelemurofmadagascar9183]

It's probably not best to directly respond to him because then it turns into a drama argument match. It's probably better to indirectly teapot his arguments without mentioning Jake's name.

[@tanvirbashar3077]

@@thelemurofmadagascar9183 Yeah, that's a good point brother. Jazakallah Khairun and that's exactly how dr shadee and shaykh yasir al hanafi indirectly responded to jake originally.

[@formetoknow540]

😂

[@CR7Update]

Sheikh you mentioned that our step parent is our mahram, what about our step sibling? do the same rules apply and they become like our biological sibling and that they have rights upon us and vice versa?

[@SafinaSociety]

No. No relation. All rules of Sharia apply. You can marry

[@RoseGold781]

​​@@CR7Updateno those are called half siblings because they share a parent. He's talking about step siblings, kids with two separate sets of parents ie: a man with 2 kids marries a woman with 2 kids. Their kids become step siblings and can get married to each other.

[@CR7Update]

@@SafinaSociety I guess I meant to ask about half siblings who share 1 biological parent.

[@yellohandle]

@@CR7Update if they share a parent then they definitely can't marry.

[@custommaverick0117]

Is the maqam of a man’s parents higher than the wife but not the other way around for wife?

[@justahuman00]

Waiting for somebody to answer

[@formetoknow540]

No

[@STEPMOMMEE]

Dr. Shadee Bon Jovi🤣