Santa Announces His Retirement

[@Eatongee]

He better be careful when he flies over New Jersey. YIKES!

[@ripvanrevs]

Be careful? Who do you think owns those drones. In the last 25 years, most of the furnaces put in do not require a chimney and the chimneys are disappearing from many homes. Santa had to find another way to deliver the packages and drones just might be the answer.

[@fernleafmedia]

Or South Auckland

[@TonyBrasunas]

@@ripvanrevs Well put!

[@wazzup233]

NSA is tracking him every Christmas but now he's retired and the drones had replaced from.flying reindeers. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@whereswaldo5740]

He better be more careful about NORAD tracking him like they used to the way things are going. I noticed no one asks for world peace anymore. Pretty sure we’re convinced it’s hopeless.

[@dougearnest7590]

"go back to my old job of punching heretics" - As an amateur historian this one made my day!

[@Taushathetech]

I love this so much. I made a coffee much out of it. My dad has been a deeply devout Christian most of his life. I shared with him about saint nick and I was laughing hard. He said "I can't believe his passion for Christ"

[@flavsngrace]

IYKYK...

[@Siwerdensichhinsetzen]

I heard he slapped Arius into next week. They had to change the calendar to accommodate.

[@seanfoltz7645]

That was when Santa was deciding if people were naughty or Nicea. ;-)

[@SoundPurple-e8e]

Santa can't say ho ho ho anymore because it's offensive to ur mom

[@ObservaDome]

🤣Good One🤣

[@guysumpthin2974]

1700 yrs ? Is coca cola that old? He’s talking “Father Christmas” & st Nicholas

[@philocleigh]

😂

[@timmy18135]

Can't say mom either

[@drmachinewerke1]

Can since Nov 5th

[@lolosvarietyshow]

0:16 “You’re all on the naughty list! You’re journalist!”😂😂😂😂

[@rosswalenciak3739]

Earliest I've ever liked a video

[@Daviticus042]

And it was all downhill from there.

[@howtubeable]

Funny? Yes. But they are not journalists. They are propagandists.

[@AverageTruckOwner1322]

As soon as he said he’ll go back to punching heretics I knew Joel Olsteen was on the chopping block 😂

[@emiliebova]

😂

[@joshuabessire9169]

"All I want for Christmas is your two front teeth!": Santa.

[@walkinbeauty7273]

​@@joshuabessire9169😂

[@AverageTruckOwner1322]

@joshuabessire9169 Gold 😂

[@sagittarius1343]

So neat how he referenced the real St. Nicholas of Myrna who in 325 AD punched heretic Arius at the Council of Niceae because Arius denied Christ's divinity.

[@WarWeasel69]

Dude!! I remember when I got my first Tonka truck (all metal front loader) man I took that everywhere.

[@transparentglazier]

I got the big yellow dump truck and I would take turns pushing my little brother in it down the hill that had a short easement onto a very busy street. The truck hit the grass, we would tumble out and laugh as we ran up the hill to take another ride. When my mom saw what we were doing it was game over! Somehow that truck disappeared too

[@blutomindpretzel1735]

quality toys back then

[@protorhinocerator142]

@@transparentglazier My brother spent years riding his dump tuck down the big hill. Nissans aren't built that tough.

[@markusa5521]

​@blutomindpretzel1735 everything was quality it was built to last... if anything everything we make now is throwaway. More garbage manufacturing the more carbon gasses but liberals are to dumb for common sense

[@clogs4956]

Found a Tonka truck for a work colleague’s nephew’s 6th birthday. It’s bright yellow, has huge wheels, and he loves it. Still good, solid, metal to be had 👍

[@clubberlang5593]

Merry Christmas to everyone..

[@plumbthumbs9584]

Merry Christmas to you too! :)

[@sherryland3739]

Merry Christmas 🙏

[@cassiemay8814]

Merry Christmas 🎄🎁

[@cassiemay8814]

Merry Christmas!

[@GodsSoldier-bs8lt]

Hunter wants Santa to bring him some North pole snow like he forgot at the White House

[@NoreenConvay]

Ooh!!!!

[@AndyDeMontana]

You still have a chance, Santa - Amazon is on strike!

[@kalmarfanatic04]

These jokes are gold. 🤣🤣🤣

[@peterg76yt]

On November 4, Christmas came early. Your work is done, Nicholas. I think you're a saint.

[@howtubeable]

"You're a saint." LITERALLY. lol

[@answersfromscriptureonline]

Many people are not aware that “St. Nicklaus” really did punch out the only person at the Council of Nicaea that didn’t believe in Christ’s deity.

[@nancyjanzen5676]

He got sent to his room but an angel released him.

[@libertarianesque8645]

Sometimes, one is all it takes to get your point across.

[@thatguy4015]

That’s how Jesus would have handled it.

[@answersfromscriptureonline]

@ Jesus wouldn’t have had anything to do with that group, unless it was to preach against their religious hypocrisy.

[@libertarianesque8645]

​@@answersfromscriptureonline Which group?

[@samuelllakaj5439]

"Relief from back pain" hits so close to home I can't 😢

[@thomasb4467]

😂

[@protorhinocerator142]

Three weeks ago I had a really productive trip to the chiropractor and he popped out about 90% of my hip pain. I no longer have to walk like Quasimodo. I was limping so bad for so long that normal walking almost feels like I'm running. I forgot how fast my regular walking speed was. Going back in next week to see if he can tackle that remaining 10%.

[@thomasb4467]

@@protorhinocerator142 Awesome! Praise God! When I was a teenager I messed up my upper back in wrestling, 2 visits to the chiropractor about a week apart and I didn’t have that issue again

[@Sunclad]

Seek out a chiropractor, I can vouch for the people already saying the same thing.

[@miask]

Me too! 😢

[@AlwaysCheckmateNeverStalemate]

That J. Osteen one was gold!

[@raYrefiedAire]

I knew it! He employed the drones to distribute presents 🎁

[@unterdessen8822]

He has to. The reindeer have to pee every 4.7 miles (poronkusema). That slows him down considerably. He should get a Tesla, like Steven He's Asian Santa.

[@mementomori6018]

0:51 That's right, Santa can no longer say "ho ho ho" when he laughs, now he has to say "strong and independent woman, strong and independent woman, strong and independent woman"...

[@slb797]

He’s not going to invoke the Santa Clause right? Tim Allen might be too old for that

[@TheCoasterCraze-13]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Bogzkitiya]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@GrumpyMeow-Meow]

Maybe they’ll get Chris Evans to replace Allen in that too.

[@best1213best]

​@@GrumpyMeow-Meow wouldn't surprise me, that would truly be a terrible replacement...

[@Satans_Legion_of_Evil]

​@@best1213best The movie would most likely fail, and Chris Evans would probably call the audience "dinosaurs".

[@ShamWowProphet]

But Santa! I still need my 54 convertibe too! Light blue. ❤

[@maryjoyspohrer256]

🤣 Ya'll know that you read that and heard Ertha Kit singing!

[@EmilyHothkins]

Don’t forget my red mustang convertible !! I mean it’s been on my list since the 60s!

[@SweetMamaG]

Santa, I want a regular yacht. I'm not going to be greedy. Thanks!

[@Whatsthedealsquirter]

With teak wood trim

[@carlye.3093]

You'll get one in the Millennium. 😅

[@BotanistOnDuna]

That perpetuates stereotypes of wealth. For example, I identify as a rich guy but I am in debt due to fines incurred from assaulting conservatives. I don't have a yacht.

[@Whatsthedealsquirter]

@@BotanistOnDuna come on the only thing non conservatives can beat is their meat ,far out story though

[@karlq7798]

Along with a house next to the beach...

[@A.N.G.3.L.A]

In Nigeria, we have Father Christmas 🎅 not Santa Claus😂😂 I guess we are safe😂

[@Liam_Maddog]

Father = man = oppressor of women = misogynist. Therefore, Father Christmas is a woman-hating PIG! You sicko!!

[@badwabbit1973]

but it's gender assuming???????? plus democrats got the father out of homes years ago to push wel fare!!!

[@jeanlucdiscard2382]

Brazilians have Papai Noel 😂

[@johnlafever3162]

Same homie, different hood!

[@SamSung-fp2vj]

Many in England too

[@douglashuston5628]

Santa is retiring and calling it quits..????? Hallelujah Hallelujah.... !! Joy to the world, the LORD has come, let earth receive its King!!

[@winniethepoohandeeyore2]

I'll take a Korean BBQ Grill, a double section hot pot and an air fryer.

[@AnnabellaRedwood]

I would love that too Santa. 😂

[@EmilyHothkins]

When’s lunch?

[@AndySaenz924]

3:15 Mrs. Harris asked for a pallet of vodka. Lmao 🤣

[@PhilSallaway]

Naw that was Nancy Pelosi 😜

[@johnlafever3162]

Ms. Harris

[@johnlafever3162]

@@PhilSallaway Nancy Pelosi is officially on pain meds now, with the broken hip. At 84 yo, she'll be lucky if she beats the odds and comes back from it after the surgery she had.

[@novacat3032]

a pallet of vodka... considering her recent apperences... that's gona last about a month tops

[@owlfethurz8377]

Or is it Mrs Imhoff? Or Miss Harris? I'm still confused. Whatever the name, this was right on point.

[@torpete0993]

I knew he was real

[@Valintinus]

Saint Nicolas is real.

[@transparentglazier]

...and so are talking M&Ms

[@marjoriekrug9164]

​@transparentglazier St Nicholas was an east European Bishop who was a real follower of Christ. He would give gifts to the poor.

[@marjoriekrug9164]

Look him up

[@pamelawadkins9951]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@YamatoFukkatsu]

Been alive for at least 1,700 years, still worries about his beer belly.

[@CharlesMeyer-le7bk]

see guys you drove even him away

[@elsantigamer4334]

ugh, in 2023 i was just asking a cute lil black dress and a Blähaj, but he gave me a gender based gift wich was an RC Ram pickup replica with american flags and i'm argentine, i mean, i loved the feeling of being a threat to society with an awfully big vehicle in my imagination, but still not what i wanted!! 2/10 i don't recomend service, glad it ended. (thanks for reading, lol)

[@chrissewell1608]

He has made good points here! We will miss you Santa! 😢

[@danielwessel9884]

As a former Minnesotan, I approve of Santa moving to our warmer climate.

[@transparentglazier]

He doesn't do mosquitoes very well during summer

[@dougearnest7590]

I've never been a big fan of Santa. When I was a kid wanting toys I always got socks and underwear. Now that I'm older and could use some free socks and underwear, all I get are useless trinkets.

[@geraldadams6267]

I didn't want anything anyway Santa but thanks through the years

[@blutomindpretzel1735]

the kids on the naughty list got too offended

[@elsantigamer4334]

i ended up on it after sending a letter, angry because instead of my cute black dress, i got a RC ram truck, i didn't want to feel like 1:32 scale threat to society, i wanted to feel femenine as a femboy, 2/10 i wouldn't recomend

[@thekidwhogrows]

The man who sits in our local mall & cosplays as Santa, got robbed after 27 years of being Santa & announced he's retiring. Did the Bee set up my local Santa?

[@nintendoboy3605]

Honestly, as one of the people who was the most greatful to Santa this breaks my heart.

[@Jonas2024-ru5fh]

My parents told me Santa died when Hunter Biden gave him too much cocaine. 😂 I never got to believe in Santa anyway.

[@Snuffy03]

Maybe Santa has had enough of this perverted world.

[@GraphicJ]

Good ol Joel getting smacked by Santa again this year. Tis going to be a great Merry Christmas.

[@transparentglazier]

I remember him giving a prayer before Congress and didn't even mention Jesus

[@ufxpnv]

Indian giver had me rolling in laughter, I think I'll have a beer.

[@jennifertwede7142]

Same…about the laughter, not the beer. Those jokes at the end had be rolling!😂

[@iamachine]

@@jennifertwede7142 I'll have a beer is another Liz Warren meme.

[@jennifertwede7142]

@ wow, did I just make myself feel old!😂 Thank you!

[@iamachine]

@@jennifertwede7142 I'll trade age with you. I'm 70 lol!

[@BeanBag343]

A very merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all! 🎄 🤶 ❤️

[@Bad_Llama]

Flashback to Saint Nick punching Arias in the face. lol.

[@tobyfitzpatrick3914]

Santa will now identify as "Mary Christmas" 😊

[@TaaarrrrHeeeels]

That post video ending was great, The handmaid's tale and "Wrap it up toots" 😂

[@misteremerson737]

It took me this long to realize what "Bill from Arkansas" meant; he currently lives a half-hour NW of Manhattan, but his childhood home is a half-hour NW of Texarkana.

[@thebobloblawshow8832]

Merry Christmas everyone.

[@matthewneuendorf5763]

How could Osteen have received a yacht from Santa, when he's been naughty for his entire adult life?

[@praisegod4538]

Great job, Kyle! Nailed it!

[@MrsTM17]

I was Travis, wasn't it?

[@robertthompson3447]

Aren't the cookies and milk enough?

[@pmritzen2597]

Nope. He’s prediabetic. Has cut back on the sweets. And flying over the Middle East or Ukraine could get him killed! The reindeer union had a lot to say about that!

[@transparentglazier]

Santa discovered he has peanut allergies, so leave Twinkies and almond milk for him

[@MadeInAmericaGarbage]

I hit the like button. Please don’t beat your handmaiden. 😂

[@Aishawas9islam]

Lmao no way my homie Santa is calling it quits 😂😂😂😂

[@tundranomad]

Santa rage quit.

[@OnlyHeretic]

Can't blame him

[@Video81501]

Oh, THAT naughty list! 😂😂😂

[@cathryneallen9257]

😅love it!!! Can’t fit border wall in the sleigh??? Poor Donald!!! 😂

[@anthonyjohnson100]

At least Santa didn’t go WOKE…

[@dalehammond3591]

Santa, be careful with all those drones flying around. The ones that the government has no idea of where they come from, but tell us are not dangerous. They are small, and flying into one would not be good.

[@ellawilkenharp]

😄

[@EarlyMusicDiva]

"Breaking! Rudolph hospitalized after collision..."

[@Walter-wo5sz]

Justin Trudeau is also dressing up as a handmaid. He doesn't have to, it's just his thing.

[@maryjoyspohrer256]

"Go back to my old job and punch some heretics" Oh, my gosh I laughed so hard! I got that one! (Captain America reference)

[@loonpond]

I think it's a reference to the original "Santa" - Saint Nicholas of Myra, who punched the heretic, Arius, in the face at the Council of Nicaea, in 325 AD.

[@erikmckoul2478]

@@loonpond He is going to have a lot of heretics to punch these days.

[@johnlafever3162]

@@loonpond he was close, Captain Lycia of the Roman Empire, under the authority of the Great Commission from Jesus the Christ himself.

[@evabyrne-kr1fz]

Poor Santa, I dont blame him for giving up. Its warm in Australia, i will make up the spare room for ya.

[@transparentglazier]

You do know he will become the world's most wanted man. How will you protect him? Just playing with you mate, seems you have the same bad actors as the US does

[@honeybeewood8968]

Christmas went from giving to the needy and toys for children, now it's a narcissistic who can cause as much drama as possible .

[@jeffblackmon288]

It's not the kids, it's their woke parents and teachers.

[@SunkissedgirlLMGG]

Love it! Thanks so much. Merry Christmas to you all at the Babylon Bee!

[@scratchdog2216]

3:06 Just come in through the Southern border Santa. Brandon left it open for you. No problem.

[@totalcreativegaming6681]

“Santa I want world peace for Christmas.” “Sorry, I’m retired and I can’t do that cause it’s impossible… you’re gonna have to sort that sh*t out yourself… good luck.”

[@pkorns1892]

Thank you for the link to the video. It was so touching!! Praise Jesus!!!

[@JacindaChamplin-dk4ey]

Thanks!

[@SweetMamaG]

3:20 lol I don't know what that is, but it sounded funny enough to laugh lol

[@phoenixrend56]

Little Elon is elone musk, he clips on X when he plays WOW or Diablo. He admitted to be addicted to those games!;)

[@x-ray-oh3134]

The new Santa will replace "HO HO HO" with "Strong independent woman strong independent woman strong independent woman"

[@Nunyabizness_]

Haaaaaa a pallet of vodka!😂

[@Adamguy2003]

Hopefully that'll last her at least through New Year's Eve!

[@swatson1190]

I saw Santa and Mrs. Claus driving down Jansen street here in my small town. Mrs. Claus was driving. I figure it was because Grandma got run over by a reindeer. He probably got his license revoked. At least they were happy and smiling. I waved and they waved back.

[@Thegoldenchild415]

I just realized that Kamala Harris speaks exactly like Michael Scott from "The Office". 😂

[@johnlafever3162]

How dare you disrespect beloved Michael Scott like that!

[@Thegoldenchild415]

@johnlafever3162 🤣🤣🤣

[@jasonpratt5126]

".....oh, here's one!" -- I lol'd WAY too hard at that.

[@thomasb4467]

The Bill Clinton joke is wild!

[@DavidGawel]

Thank you and God bless

[@PhilipsJunk]

Yes, Dear Santa. I want it all.

[@KentoLeoDragon]

Kids please stop asking for a dad. I almost got kidnapped three times today!

[@zamar2158]

😂😂

[@cherylhuot4436]

Sad , but not unexpected! Poor guy.

[@straightforward]

❤ Merry Christmas!!

[@allenhughes12]

The gasp from the crowd 😂

[@paulreid2223]

Santa can start his carnivore diet with the now out of work reindeer .. He's got a dozen to start him off ...🙄😏

[@panicmosem5969]

Get rid of the list 😂😂 the diddy list or the island list?? 😂

[@Skandranna]

both

[@thomasb4467]

I would like some of that ‘relief from back pain’ too please.

[@tfleu725]

He just mentioned Joel Osteen and then he’s like “anyone know any heretics” 😂

Ah yes, Punching Heretics, and detective work : Santa Original Job (aside from being a Bishop)

[@notthefbi7932]

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 So much for being nice next year 😉

[@LazarheaD]

I can't believe they got Santa Christ for this!

[@Darkangel-qc5pb]

Santa, what about the allegations that you're actually satan?🤣🤣🤣

[@Politadick]

Now who is going to Check that list & decide who gets deported by ICE?

[@HubertofLiege]

Tom Homan

[@tbi1161]

Oh, here's one! Beautiful!

[@bobdole2271]

santa can now be a walmart greeter

[@spiritfingers98]

He's worried about the Diddy tapes

[@candicecausey4960]

"A Pallet of vodka" lol Oh Santa...we need that list, Sir lol

[@mustang607]

Dear Santa, If you give my dad a yacht, I will never ask you for another yacht, for my dad. Joey

[@davidmcintosh3468]

Love it! Merry Christmas everyone!

[@peekingundertheblindfold3300]

I love how this is the thinnest Santa I've ever seen and he STILL has a pillow 🤣

[@Ruby_Villain]

Krampus taking over?

[@10_Percent_For_The_Big_Guy]

Maybe Belsnickel...😂

[@Napoleon1815-l8c]

Krampus should spend the night in DC. That would be entertaining.

[@wazzup233]

Santa Claus retired first than Sleepy Joe and LeFraud James that's sad but funny. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jessco8950]

A Mr Murphy is asking for all the big scary guns to go away.

[@karagongro-malog]

Need a Santa and Satan crossover.

[@JackofNothingess]

Dang it. First it's Callum Drift, now Santa? What's next, Krampus?

[@steveschmidt5156]

Krampus, aka lesbian Santa.

[@marcbernicker206]

I'm a Jew from nyc and I would like to write for the Babylon Bee! Please Santa. Pretty please!

[@markmunroe-hz8rf]

Santa Clause is no longer coming to town.

[@lostree1981]

There definitely is a part of my brain that knew these were jokes, and that humour was being attempted. For that I thank you, I guess. You dressed up and had some props and everything, very good effort.

[@AustinAirCo]

I heard Rudolph played a part, didn't want to get mistaken for a drone.