Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates

[@TrustyPanda]

Those girls are genuinely great actors.

[@myssangela4872]

I've seen the brown haired girl somewhere on TV. It's driving me crazy

[@imsadlol4528]

Myss angelA happy death day

[@myssangela4872]

@@imsadlol4528 I've never seen it

[@imsadlol4528]

Myss angelA oh. well. lmaoo that’s what she’s from you’ve probably seen ads and stuff

[@fascinatinglist9654]

America would totally watch this over Saturday Night Live if it was on air.

[@Kiluei]

Everybody over here impressed with the acting, sure it's great. But the writing also needs to be acknowledged. This was written to perfection.

[@maximusforster8487]

Kiei Luahi facts. that’s rlly what it id

[@thrashingpanic]

Totally.

[@Lollita23]

Sublime

[@cynicalclusterfuck5605]

What? Do we need to point out every good detail when complimenting something, now?

[@alvareo92]

It’s both things together I’m sure the teens made their contributions in dialogue

[@lolnothxyt]

There's nothing that can make you feel insecure faster than high school kids laughing.

[@Shady22]

Hehehehe

[@BlissReality]

hehehehehe

[@Bruh-ft2sh]

Hehehehe

[@omransaeed1988]

hEhEhEhEhEhE

[@m16fermy]

No cap

[@ChrisZ70]

The scorn in her voice when she says, of the girl they think is slutty, "I could totally see Erin getting kidnapped, and you know what? I bet that she would _like_ it, too." That might be the best and most underrated line of this whole sketch.

[@Builder44708]

Agreed. And the line reading of "I hate her" at 1:20 is a close second.

[@JEASOUA]

and then "Do you want to help? Call this number, call Erin a slut and hang up". Just a wonderful bashing on Erins character

[@michaelayala5394]

“Omg SHUT up, we’re on TV@

[@AdrianWright-k3p]

Nah the key was "Eww/Gross" unsynchronised spontaneous disgust.

[@friggincanvee]

"Hey Retard, give us back our friend"

[@juliepoirier1320]

"Just know that the two of you and Janelle are in our thoughts." "Ew." "Gross."

[@lanarkorras4411]

Best part for me. I find this hilarious beyond belief. ;) Closely followed by "I hate her."

[@owenb8636]

Would freak me out if a 16 year old girl made me sound like a pedo

[@uponthebay]

0

[@paxundpeace9970]

She is still missing

[@ceyx1201]

@@presau and Yeah one of them is a Main protagonist on a horror film.

[@caitthecat]

I can see how people were fooled by this. The acting is literally too good.

[@drcommondrate12]

Rensie Niltiac remember when Onion TV uploaded a video that says Justin Bieber is an old man and Lady Gaga is a man lol haha good old days

[@dookcook3327]

Fuck. I'm just discovering these things. And my God. I've rarely seen talent as I have on the onion. I am overcome. The beauty.

[@lumiere2598]

Seriously though, I watched the video on the fraternity girl went missing the other day by this channel, and I LEGIT thought it was real. I used it for small talks with my brother, just to coming back to KZbin and realised it's sarcastic as hell. This channel is kinda like Click Hole but better.

[@Alexagrigorieff]

@@lumiere2598 You realize that ClickHole is another TheOnion property?

[@lumiere2598]

@@Alexagrigorieff :o really? WOW thanks for that information. Mad respect for the team now.

[@wy4553]

The acting is SO DAMN GOOD. The majority of teenage dramas on TV don't even compare

[@LilyCelebiFlipnote]

@Digby Dooright Well, it is The Onion, lol.

[@susanstorm7910]

@Digby Dooright same

[@aaronjames3228]

Wrong

[@directornie5091]

@@aaronjames3228 Wrong

[@bryh555]

One of the actresses in this went on to be an actress in movies and starred in the Happy Death Day movies

[@alexliberti9679]

for people out there if you thought sleep depravation or water boarding was torture, getting laughed at a teenage girl will break you

[@skyfalldeadpool1633]

Teenage girls will roast you and bring you to tears 😂

[@alexliberti9679]

@@skyfalldeadpool1633 exactly

[@DanielMazz]

@@skyfalldeadpool1633how so

[@iwantdoppiodakimakuraplsd1811]

lmfaooo depreavation and water boarding being two completely different experiences why was those two paired up loll gfhdgfh

[@WebeloZappBrannigan]

​@@iwantdoppiodakimakuraplsd1811Because they're both forms of torture.

[@themk4982]

The writing of those girls is amazing, it’s so good I’m getting minor PTSD.

[@Bikkie920]

Do you have to

[@Yared-ou7wy]

@Ordonity i love u bro, lmao

[@spensert4933]

Like so accurate

[@ss-kw1kk]

종이비행기 facts! the latter is what I see most of the time in skits. Love seeing teens act like real teens it’s so much funnier

[@Yared-ou7wy]

@andolos who hurt you?

[@ThePopushi]

Wow those two girls were absolutely stellar LOL

[@AhnastasiaRose]

Right! Really great acting!

[@stellar783]

I approve!

[@jjw3046]

Of course, because they weren't acting

[@jackismname]

My sister talks literally just like them. They outxlass most of the other onion actors!

[@ignaciocaballeroruiz9092]

Such great chemistry also

[@youarenowawarepodcast8896]

"I normally don't wear sweaters like this..." THE insecurity killed me LMAO

[@kendrickllama9790]

😂😂😂😂

[@satevo462]

Teenage girls are Satan

[@Shutupb1tch420]

@@satevo462 I love how they make people insecure so easily, but they themselves are the most insecure

[@AzNightmare]

*LOL. Even as a grown woman now, she can revert back to her teenage years just like that.*

[@chloro8306]

@@Shutupb1tch420 People who hate teenager girls are definitely more insecure lol

[@mark9294]

It warms my heart to see the Onion’s late 2000-era videos are finally getting some recognition. They were SO far ahead of their time it’s honestly incredible.

[@3c3k]

This is from 2011

[@CatatonicImperfect]

​@@3c3keh, everything in between 9-11 and covid is a blur

[@Jebu911]

ive been rewatching these for the last decade. There really isnt any good satire on the market except old stuff.

[@theonlyone992]

Because comedy went underground in 2015.

[@richardmori1389]

it"s absolutely top drawer.

[@ProjectAsher1]

If I ever get kidnapped, this is how I want my friends to plead for my return.

[@martha-hy7vq]

same

[@zejdland]

Now you just need to find some friends

[@abdullahalharthi2429]

@@zejdland Lmao

[@estella.d]

You need some friends and someone who is desperate enough to kidnap you

[@perfectoleo693]

Jason Dean I don't think anyone has the guts to kidnap you

[@willrogers9932]

I love how these skits begin as realistic and then gradually derail

[@pitchen]

As is the case with literally any good skit

[@pitchen]

Will Rogers You’re on a roll dude

[@WhirlwindHeatAndFlash]

wdym this 100% realistic all the time

[@mavs2147]

That's the point

[@biscuitalex829]

Exactly! Are they saying that bailiffs _didn’t_ rim judge?

[@boatman6865]

I love the bit at the end “is it the sweater?” Where the interviewer reverts to her own teenage insecurities

[@cameronmckelvie81]

Kinda heartbreaking!

[@poopnach]

Funny enough? The video came out in May.

[@Velvet-Of-Erion]

I felt so sad for her

[@PirateStory]

Virtual Rose me too, I wanted to give her a big hug :’(

[@Jack-rk7jc]

When people explain jokes it makes them 10x more funny

[@odinsarrow1343]

Teenage girls are the scariest. The way they make the news anchor become insecure is so on point and terrifying

[@georgiohenderson5998]

How does Onion find better actors than what we see in movies? All of Onion's cast should make a big sarcastic joke movie sorta like Office Space, but about the news room instead

[@johnmachuga8811]

Just think, maybe someday we'll see them in a starring role in a big-budget hollyweird flick and be able to say " I remember them from...,

[@adgato75]

@@johnmachuga8811 Haha , we can already do this , for this clip. Cause now , 6-7 years later , the girl on the right ( Jessica Rothe ) is the star of Happy Death Day , and also has a smaller role in La La Land ( IE not the starring role. )

[@Zumoari]

But there already is an Onion movie... Look it up. Everyone knows Peruvians can shoot lazers from their eyes.

[@dububro]

Because when you're an unknown actor you have to actually be good (or attractive) to get noticed whereas once you've "made it" you can be lazy and get jobs from name recognition alone.

[@lupowins]

Georgio Henderson There is a whole channel devoted to that called Fox News.

[@siyas8466]

“we told them u did it” LMAO

[@hiinsanity]

I- what?

[@DirtyPrancing]

His response was amazing

[@TheSycaman]

That was the quote of the sketch. I'm crying laughing. He looked like he got scared for real.

[@lithiumting6152]

LMFAOOOO "if you are alive, look at what shaunna did to her hair"

[@brianarendon111]

“Meghan saw Mr. Bird’s dick through his gym shorts yesterday. She almost puked.”

[@nestatonik]

🤣🤣🤣

[@Ajupitis]

@@brianarendon111 she actually thinks its pretty!

[@technomage6736]

I almost pissed when I saw that 🤣🤣

[@MattieCooper10000]

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂

[@natedog4581]

She was missing, but she wasn't missing out

[@Iamnotamusing]

AHAHAHA

[@johndo9648]

True 😅

[@jjthebluerookie9919]

Those girls are so brave to appear on television and talk about their missing friend.

[@Sundog1985]

I hope she was found safe and well. These girls have suffered enough!!

[@ChesterRGC]

Of course they are not on TV seeking fame and money

[@OneRichMofo]

@@ChesterRGC they are obviously concerned about their friend, how can you say that?

[@bobsmith5441]

@@ChesterRGC That's a low blow man, they seem really cut up about it

[@sheila6530]

Praveen ew

[@jeepersmcgee3466]

It's perfect how she says "I don't normally wear sweaters like this" right before the video ends and a bunch of thumbnails pop up, showing her in various sweaters just like that

[@Waldohasaskit210]

She pregnant

[@teethcoat4274]

@@Waldohasaskit210 It's only May afterall

[@giseledesousa10]

3:07

[@nusa3552]

“friends say janelle is skinnier than in police photos” 😭😭

[@jennygreat4846]

those are true friends.

[@TryMyMartini]

Shit, I totally forgot to read the news captions! Gotta go watch it again now!

[@zant41]

True queens, standing up for their sis so that the world know she's not fat

[@senseisensitive4529]

If Janelle sees that, she's never coming back even if her kidnapper releases her. Lmao

[@Prophezora]

The news captions were the best part!

[@RogueAstro85]

The way the girls said "Balls in her mouth" together was so perfect. I have no clue how The Onion found this little pool of top tier actors to do this series

[@CountryCowboy008]

The brunette girl on the right is actually the actress in Happy Death Day/La La Land ❤

[@depressedcakke3877]

1:17

[@lyledeyounges1276]

"You just think that this is something that would happen to like Erin, not Janelle" lol

[@magicmintak]

1:26 want to help? Dial ........, call erin a slut and hang up

[@eb7446]

AND SHE WOULD LIKE IT

[@lilith2598]

I laughed OUT LOUD

[@Beaglefan]

Lol

[@tff2973]

“You will be in our thoughts” “Ew” I can’t stop laughing, what a good acting

[@Rando_Shyte]

One of them said "ew" and the other said "gross" lmaooo

[@eyeballtickler]

​@@Rando_ShyteYeah, perfect combined responses. Amazing 😂

[@Rando_Shyte]

@@eyeballtickler Yeah seriously, these two were perfect. Let alone being pretty asf they can really act.

[@gitman3486]

@@Rando_Shyte ew

[@Rando_Shyte]

@@gitman3486 gross

[@claymusic2205]

She says that she's not pregnant but she's totally wearing sweaters in May. Im dead.

[@Crymeareva]

Lol

[@kylezLand]

Ahahahah

[@richraichu1370]

hi dead Im dad.

[@unapologetic4859]

She probably just cuts her wrists. That’s why I wore sweaters through grade school.

[@RodrigoBorgia]

@@unapologetic4859 woha...that came unexpected...

[@kyleydiamond]

"she was last seen wearing an aqua skirt from we think Hollister" like the appreciation of teen girl culture is so on point

[@mycollegeshirt]

The two of you are in our thoughts, "ew", "gross"

[@TheEnd-no4gc]

you know its fake right?

[@Dyadactic]

HoodLivin Do you know it’s fake?

[@MischieviousJirachi]

@@Dyadactic It's fake the show is satire

[@marcusmedina9940]

@@MischieviousJirachi this show is fake dude

[@MischieviousJirachi]

@@marcusmedina9940 Thank you for catching on to my joke instead of jake over there

[@dead_pool2128]

“janelle we went looking for you by the river today, it was so gross and smelled like shit so you better be thankful.”

[@doink4997]

I replied

[@Aaron-fb6mb]

XO

[@bigredracecar27]

Kithland

[@sky_pirate]

The posts were all two minutes ago, so they were just trying to look like they were thinking about her all the time. Lmao

[@herzogsbuick]

@@sky_pirate holy shit you're right!!

[@NB-ky5ol]

I was instantly transported back to high school and it was terrifying. So glad it’s over. Amazing acting. Amazing writing. This is one of my favs.

[@professional.commentator]

Well honestly I wish I could go back considering how financially complicated, boring and lonely adult life is. 🤮😷

[@professional.commentator]

@nava Actually now that I think about it high school was horrible too its just that there was a light at the end of the tunnel within just 4 years. Whereas adult life is like being lost in the woods with no idea what tomorrow or the next few years are going to be like.

[@franfran5155]

Was about to like, but then your pfp threw me off. You’re disgusting.

[@propogandalf]

@@professional.commentator Ya know, the feeling your describing sounds a bit like depression. Wouldn't hurt to seek some professional services if you can afford it. It can be helpful and make life less daunting and unending pointlessness.

[@kaylithorsen7017]

I hate your pfp

[@alerojas4938]

I periodically come to this video to restore my mental health and remember who my real friends are

[@ericknickel90]

Janelle last seen with *cute older guy who buys us beer*

[@omega999yt9]

Wait OH SHIT O FUCK

[@LuisSierra42]

Gross

[@Crymeareva]

Eww

[@MaxIronsThird]

@@LuisSierra42 It's not gross if he's cute

[@Callimo]

@@MaxIronsThird lol yes it is

[@thehauke7981]

I love how the profile pic doesn’t show Janelle but just her friends

[@amor7886]

guys is janelle an actual person im so confused

[@smg8048]

@@amor7886 no, she's not. it's fake

[@vaahtobileet]

@@amor7886 she was found dead in 2011 two weeks after this interview.

[@Kmkmkms]

@@vaahtobileet her dead body was hideous, she was wearing the worst top ive ever seen. anyway i cant believe she never got to see shauna's disgusting new haircut Rip

[@georgehunter2175]

@@Kmkmkms OMFG

[@aidenbloedow]

I just realized the girl with the dark brown hair is the main character from Happy Death day

[@BZ1610]

Oh my GOD

[@omichillian]

No right? Wow

[@elenex9121]

Yeah me too!

[@jimbeam7248]

You have to start somewhere haha

[@ellieblunden1463]

That's unfortunate. At least she's starting to get into the bigger stuff

[@deadlykitten586]

This is such a gem. Well written and well edited and all actors are fantastic as well. Someone should have gotten a raise or prize over this.

[@jacobmartinez6602]

“Jim and Tracy you don’t even know”

[@siddharth.gautam]

That's a tiny impressive bit they added in there. Isn't it the way pro gossipers talk, when they're telling something exclusive?!

[@mandreadfg]

This broke me

[@lutalice]

I don't get it 😢

[@brookeshannon7588]

It’s funny because they’re addressing the reporters like they’re their girlfriends

[@KingOfThePanduz]

this literally killed me. SO accurate its hysterical

[@mueezadam8438]

The Onion’s casting director and team are a national treasure and should be cryogenically frozen for future generations to enjoy

[@nunyabiznes33]

Oh God yes. We have to use them sparingly tho. I don't want them to get depleted as quickly as Miley Cyrus.

[@MsLilly200]

Wait is _that_ why we never get videos like this anymore??? But I wanted MY generation to enjoy the Onion! Screw future generations!

[@320466]

@@MsLilly200 Like "Screw future generations" O.K. Boomer whatevs...

[@zglrd8938]

International treasure*

[@wiggy5209]

They won't survive that process, they ain't frogs!

[@evolvedturtleproductions7600]

It was funny until they started laughing for no reason. _that was too real._

[@randomfactsthatdontmatter3466]

Actually it was because she messed up on the today now part

[@misnomer6345]

@@randomfactsthatdontmatter3466 where did you find that out

[@randomfactsthatdontmatter3466]

@@misnomer6345 the video. Just go to the part where she says today now. She messes up line and they giggle.

[@rebeckaeriksson1314]

@@randomfactsthatdontmatter3466 I think it’s the fact that the girls said “We heard them boning and it was really gross” and the the reporter says “Well we hear it today now-“

[@neuvocastezero1838]

"No reason"? Did you see that sweater?!

[@jjackson4754]

I have watched this SO many times. These girls are truly great actors. In fact, I am always impressed by all of the actors in these sketches. I wish The Onion had the $$ to bring this back.

[@signeulbonaesignalbonae9699]

It's my annual tradition to watch this

[@ericaheap]

same

[@rossgrant2529]

It never stops being funny

[@mmaaaaaxxx]

I know I look at the new videos compared to these sketches and the new stuff is just nowhere near as good

[@y_fam_goeglyd]

IT'S BACK!!!!! I hope you get notifications. They've had some form of Onion around for a while, but the "news" is BACK!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@yujibell]

many girls in my school act like this but without it being a skit or ironic

[@TheMitchellWhite]

Where?

[@strudelh]

@@TheMitchellWhite they just said in their school, what do you mean "wHeRe?"

[@manuelmateo3392]

That's the point.

[@Mischa21xo]

@@strudelh let's see, considering there are schools all over the world and all over the United States, they probably meant where . . . like what general area the school was located in. Ex: Chicago,IL or a small town in Florida etc. & You're acting like THEY had the stupid question...LOLLLLL wow

[@rragon7741]

M Marilyn honestly the guy did ask a stupid question why tf would he say what school he goes to XD.

[@ratosphere]

Oh god, poor girl. Does anyone know if they ever found Janelle? Because she really needs to see Jessica’s haircut, like for real...

[@weshouldtotallyjuststabcea1382]

Ikr its so gross

[@dandeleon2764]

The girl said that the message mentioned Salinas; if so Janelle's probably dead, of boredom...

[@discosheep2946]

It’s like she stuck her head in a washing machine

[@oneweirdaquarius7405]

😂😂😂

[@oneweirdaquarius7405]

its fucking disgusting

[@paulhawkman6159]

These two girls need their own comedy show.

[@BrandyRae808]

PAUL HAWKMAN.. Ikr? Or at least their own YT channel. I'd subscribe & watch it all day. I can't get enough of this video. I just discovered it & I've watched it over 3xs already. Lol

[@sekirosshadow9319]

2 broke girls is the show to go then ,,

[@sekirosshadow9319]

LagiNaLangAko23 true but they dont have a complete show to watch xD

[@d4n4nable]

I don't know, man. Even when you parody those kinds of super annoying brats, you'd still get a lot of imitation. I love that clip, but a whole successful show... too much.

[@spatchmo6938]

This is a 3 year old comment but the actress playing Katie was the star of the movie "Happy Death Day"

[@DvitusR]

Where tf does the Onion find these actors that would put any of the A Listers in Hollywood to shame wtf lmaoo

[@Cameron368]

Jessica Rothe, one of the girls in this, is at least Hollywood B-list right now and is well on her way to being an A-lister.

[@johncalderwood1]

@@Cameron368the girl on the right was the main in happy death day, to this day I still watch happy death day clips and mention steffi p from biology being pregnant 😂

[@zachmcnamara4376]

I genuinely felt bad for how self conscious they made that anchor about her sweater.

[@Chipiliro613]

Well if it makes you feel any better, they're all just actors.

[@rationalist455]

its not about her sweater its about anchor's line when the girls say we hear them boning and it was really gross

[@Mandrake591]

It's a nice sweater. This is a travesty......

[@kylewindsor199]

If the actor thing doesn't make you feel better her character is supposed to be a sociopathic horror who treats her underlings like trash.

[@1dove]

You know it's fake right..

[@ramshafarooq]

i remember watching this without knowing the onion was a satirical channel and i was so shocked to see that no one else questioned the girls' chatter lmfao

[@BlissReality]

the first video i watched about onion was about foreign kids making clothes in a toxic environment and i too was shocked too see how everyone ignored the fact that these kids are dying for our clothes lol, the onion needa chill lmfao

[@matwatson7947]

I watched the video where Dominos tested how much rubbish humans will eat and thought that was real

[@ericamborsky3230]

I was wondering why I kept getting what appeared to be right wing conspiracy theories in my recommended, then after a few weeks, I remembered hearing about The Onion in a social studies class when we covered media and briefly brushed over satire.

[@minxxd]

@@BlissReality oh yea I watched that one too!

[@Elymmeta]

@@minxxd I have seen you in almost every fandom I've been.

[@cdedberry]

“Teens request all donations be sent as guess gift cards”

[@CityWhisperer]

lmao 😂

[@cornbone]

the detail of them both saying "balls in her mouth" at the same time is literally perfect. you can tell they talk about this so much that they're completely in sync

[@nathanielb3510]

I've taught high schoolers and this is still accurate.

[@alexmunch9275]

Nathaniel B ok boomer

[@Annonymousslay]

Alex Munch f bro

[@Annonymousslay]

Excellent

[@alexmunch9275]

Viral Virus Little guy? Did you just assume my gender? I’m a goddamn cactus plant, get it right.

[@rocketassistedgoat1079]

@@alexmunch9275 Wow. Did you think of that overused meme yourself? Or did you just parrot it, because you're utterly lacking any semblance of even base creativity?

[@sable7922]

I love how their guests are offensive, the hosts are normal. But then when the guests are good, the hosts are offensive

[@RichoRosai]

This is the concept of a straight man. One of the fundamentals of comedy.

[@squatchjosh1131]

@@RichoRosai The poor unsung hero of comedy

[@MouldMadeMind]

But often both of them are not normal

[@nunyabiznes33]

Perfectly balanced

[@Kiraraprincess]

I like the spelling or special class Asian kid skit

[@MartinPoulter]

The "we call her 'Balls-o-saurus'" line is amazing.

[@DodaGarcia]

And the tiny ᶦ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ʰᵉʳ

[@vinivin1905]

Can you explain the orthography here?.. :-)

[@AlejoConejo-vb8ln]

Erin the Ballsosaurus 😂

[@forefatherofmankind3305]

Martin u r ballsosaurus

[@MartinPoulter]

@@forefatherofmankind3305 Thanks. You too!

[@emanuelmota7217]

This is one of the best skits in the Onion catalogue. Perfection in acting, casting, writing.

[@notsomething7561]

Damn, those girls actually seemed really annoying. Props to the actresses for capturing the 2000s toxic teen energy so well.

[@dynaa4168]

This is from 2011, not 2000s

[@professional.commentator]

@@dynaa4168 The 2000s teen culture vibe wasn't over yet in 2011. It actually ended in 2013.

[@duncansiror5033]

@@professional.commentator So specific

[@professional.commentator]

@@duncansiror5033 Because I was in high school during that time and I noticed the drastic change right away.

[@duncansiror5033]

@@professional.commentator What was the change exactly?

[@MylingCyrus]

"The two of you and Janelle are in our thoughts" "Ew" "Gross" 😂😂😂😂

[@josephinedelgad978]

DementorsKiss 😂

[@crunchb3rry]

That was the best.

[@elleo4218]

lmaoo

[@tsemiu]

😂😂

[@joshuabayerjazz]

As a parent of teens, those two actors NAILED it! Those two young women did an incredible job.

[@900bpm]

Exactly

[@uwuLegacy]

@@900bpm damn no way

[@rabidbigdog]

Actors?

[@mqximofeditz8881]

@@rabidbigdog you can use the term “actor” for anyone, it’s a pretty gender neutral word

[@rabidbigdog]

@@mqximofeditz8881 Ah, that was my stupid attempt at wondering aloud if these segments weren't real.

[@badlydrawn7476]

I don't know how she does it but there's a whole story in the way her mouth moves at "her parents are like super poor". Somehow I can see she normally just laughs at it and likes feeling superior to that family but she also knows she's not supposed to so she sprinkles some fake pity on it now that she's talking to adults and for just a millisecond she slips and the sympathy is real and she understands it on a deeper level and then immediately forgets.

[@windowsVD]

A strangely in-depth analysis of what is ultimately just one line delivered by an actor in a comedy sketch.

[@zapkvr]

Microaggression

[@swish3432]

Easy on the chronic

[@GracieGates-n7u]

@@windowsVDhahahaha yeah

[@purplespecter4833]

2:20 timestamp

[@StamfordBridge]

The writing and acting in every Onion piece is so impressive. This show was literally just too good to be appreciated and stay on the air.

[@fiarandompenaltygeneratorm5044]

@Julius Ashcroft [Corrects grammar. Ends "sentence" with comma.]

[@unrelentingpest]

@Julius Ashcroft Maybe because without a period, it's not a sentence.

[@unrelentingpest]

@Julius Ashcroft Lmaoooo relax man, I was just suggesting a reason why that guy would put the word sentence in quotes, I couldn't care less about grammar. I was just guessing that if it's missing some form of punctuation, it's not really classified as a sentence. Obviously it's pedantic, but u can't really expect someone who corrects youtube comment grammar to not be pedantic. Also, am I really "bumptious" if I start my response with "maybe"?

[@georgegathiani410]

@Julius Ashcroft "Is" could be correct too.

[@iloveplumpgrannies174]

They're also the same writers for the mainstream news networks.

[@ericbauer4897]

"When would I do that? I had to get up asscrack early to do this show"....roflmao!!!

[@kinkykendostick6461]

Eric Bauer lol

[@bebeg604]

omg like ewww that's gross

[@GypsyLeah]

the

[@marshhen]

As a teacher of 17 year olds, I get this kind of tone of voice alot. Alot. They do no even notice they are doing it.

[@testedalexthegreat1759]

I read that as she said it.

[@Whynotmini]

And everybody was like “come to pf Chang’s” most underrated line ever

[@tellmesomething2412]

What does it mean? Besides the restaurant I don't know.

[@thenewtiafey]

@@tellmesomething2412 It's not a reference or anything, I think it's mostly in the delivery combined with her prioritizing PF Changs over her missing friend lol

[@vicky248123]

@@tellmesomething2412 PF Changs just has a reputation of being filled with people like this. I've actually heard people in real life use the excuse "Everybody was like come to PF Changs" in that same tone.

[@acidbath3226]

@John Wu yeah like, if your a prep. maybe nowadays now that zoning out on your phone is the only thing to do anymore

[@Ari-xh6nr]

@@acidbath3226 ok boomer

[@dAfrikaan]

“She’s such a sl*t Jim and Tracey, YOU don’t even know..“ Hahaha hilarious 🤣

[@c.g.bspendersashtray3037]

You know it's some hot tea when someone says "you don't even know." 😂

[@duatnoihmar1550]

😂😂

[@fafafagat]

That lady was having nam-like flashbacks to high school. Bless her soul.

[@Kawsaki]

I know right? 😂

[@djtrixen]

I lost it at "hot mess express." LOL!!

[@Greendalewitch]

I lost it at the "Bring Janelle home Bitches" Facebook page.

[@skinnymarauder333]

This is now a canon expression in my life.

[@AZ-kr6ff]

The Boyos You suck

[@felipesadventures]

“Her house is like a storage unit.” XD

[@fahema4612]

Felipe's Adventures omg that part came up as i scrolled to this comment 😂

[@aerick9463]

im her

[@rfox2163]

lol that was my favorite line

[@DodaGarcia]

Such a hot mess express

[@SoonGone]

That is actually brilliantly written and acted. Who created this and what have they done in the last twelve years? It must have been something good.

[@colkbassad]

The brunette is Jessica Rothe, she went on to star as the lead in the Happy Death Day series. She's great.

[@lillyautumn6173]

"Janelle , we went looking by the river for you today, it was gross and smelled like shit so you better be thankful" OH MY GOD. I LAUGHED SO HARD XDDD

[@adayinforever]

Ironically that was the smell of her decomposing corpse.

[@rowandakota9411]

These actors are so good! The girls had such great chemistry!

[@900bpm]

Ikr

[@soakupthenoise]

ew

[@deals187]

Gross

[@_-_sinexus_-_]

@@soakupthenoise 🤢

[@deep.space.12]

The brunette is Jessica Rothe!

[@dylanrogers9712]

“Jim and Tracy you don’t even now” Cracked me up

[@allwrighty100]

*know?

[@Bhabydaddy]

Tracy’s little bit of interested shown is what it funnier for me too😂

[@ElevenDollarCheese]

The timing is really expertly done. "Yeah, she's so full of shit" gets cut off perfectly.

[@Dhhtyu4566]

This video is gold

[@Prousto]

This ten-year old skit is still funnier than anything seen on SNL the past four seasons.

[@Aparup985]

True

[@nickronca1562]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3jNqYtqnNuUp80

[@charlottecorday8494]

*past 40 seasons

[@edinfific2576]

You mean, because they made fun of Donald Trump?

[@charlottecorday8494]

@@edinfific2576 TDS is strong in this one

[@spitzbubezumquadrat]

the acting in this one was pretty amazing

[@americafuckyeah4520]

@piggypigpig the acting is great, that's it

[@DeanStrickson]

How do you know they were acting?

[@americafuckyeah4520]

@@DeanStrickson true, girls are like that sometimes

[@petperthecommenter3364]

@piggypigpig hey douchebag maybe because the acting is good

[@Alan_Page]

I'm a grown man who saw this about a year ago and I've been using "ass crack early" in my vocabulary ever since.

[@addelirium1126]

mrrusss same here

[@jonno.alexander]

DITTO!!! I use ass crack of dawn as well.

[@ajmeyers5661]

+mrrusss - 'ass crack of dawn' is a pretty common old timey expression in the south. It might be just a southern thing, I dunno

[@castlecat7913]

I call it "fuck o'clock in the morning"

[@mickybtv]

The ass crack of dawn is another variation

[@lucashawks5384]

“Um when would I have done that, I had to get up like ass crack early this morning to do the show” I was dead 😂

[@FK-mx8hy]

Did you notify the police? “Umm when would I have done that” 😂😂

[@stevekaczynski3793]

She had to get up at the ass crack of dawn LOL.

[@TequilaMockingBird91]

I was too busy telling them that you did it

[@anna-zp5lg]

I thought this was real for a sec 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@chickenwangs1529]

Same 💀

[@ohiosooki6049]

It is

[@dreyadumas438]

I did too

[@jamilynnbenz]

I thought it was real until I read this comment

[@allstr8peopledeservetodie10]

Your Mother’s Lover find some humour

[@6Shooter28]

"I normally don't wear sweaters like this"😢 DON'T LET THEM BULLY YOU GIRL YOU LOOK GREAT

[@40thCapeRifles]

"...Jim and Tracy, you don't even know." I'M DYING

[@DodaGarcia]

She is so natural, I have no idea how actors do that

[@eclipses1003]

I don’t get this reference tho. Google says he’s a baseball coach. Is it cuz she like balls?

[@jennzifur]

@@eclipses1003 lol

[@MollyWat]

*tearing up* "Shauna's such a hot mess express." this part never fails to get me.

[@benjaminacuna8013]

I mean did you see those cornrows

[@klara3775]

Aaaaaah the laughing at the end, makes you feel insecure SO FAST. I'm also a teenage girl but not even I can walk past a group of teenage girls laughing and snickering without feeling self conscious about everything I've ever done

[@SuperBartles]

Also, one gets the impression that they're looking out to see if their laughter is making other people feel insecure. I mean what kind of person wants to behave like that, ffs?

[@janewick509]

Learn to laugh like that too😂😂😂 I learned it so I can get back at them bishes!

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

You will be 50 and this feeling won't go away. I am 35, and walk by some mean girls- looking teens and feel 15 and insecure again.

[@no64256]

I am so glad that all these behaviors of school douchebags are so foreign to me. Like practically everyone in my highschool was nice

[@animanya394]

The host actors were great too, in other sketches they usually keep straight faces through presented ridiculous scenarios, so it’s nice to them actually be _affected_ by their guests. It is the insecurity brought upon them by the teens but also little moments like how they react when the girls said “we said it was you”: shock on both their faces but then woman’s smile like “they got you”, it’s all just great.

[@Sourcoolness]

As funny as this Onion sketch is, I actually find this quite sweet in a twisted way. They still want to share what's going on with their friend, they dont want her to miss out on the latest gossip.

[@Sourcoolness]

"ugh hungover fml, did 2 many jager bombs for you Janelle!" :D

[@ReddoFreddo]

Because spreading gossip is a good thing

[@cockoffgewgle4993]

"Teens request all donations be sent as Guess gift cards"

[@Tom--Ace]

Lmao wow trust a girl to think this inane vapid superficial shit passes as anything worthwhile. Girls need to stop bitching about each other and other people constantly and get on with the important things in life without drama! This is way too close to real life

[@투루-l3e]

why are people butthurt over this comment lmao

[@ren-gz1wh]

I know this is a super old video. But the "ass crack early" comment gets me every time.

[@OffGridInvestor]

I've been saying that for years. Well mine is a bit modified with the N word which doesn't mean a thing in my country.

[@KingoftheJuice18]

The actual expression is: get up "at the ass of dawn."

[@Cardiisshook]

@@KingoftheJuice18 you mean the crack? 😭💀💀

[@KingoftheJuice18]

@@Cardiisshook It was a joke building on his joke....

[@Cardiisshook]

@@KingoftheJuice18 if you were wondering, yes I’m very dumb

[@sieje]

This is so well done. The writing and acting is great. I've watched it like 100 times and it doesn't get old.

[@kirkplissken8454]

'Katie Clements' is actor Jessica Rothe from the Happy Death Day movies. Hilarious sketch and this shows what a talent she was even then.

[@raetruswell3190]

Omg thank you!!!! I totally thought it was Blake lively!!!!

[@sybil3087]

“Janelle we went looking for you by the river today, it was so gross and smelled like shit so you better be thankful.” This killed me lmaoooo

[@Xsksnssjccxghb]

It’s like they expected her to be dead and body washed up on the shore or something😂

[@ilovetati91]

💀

[@whatteamwildcats4033]

the petty gossip and the determination to give the tea to the friend is literal goals

[@randoprior4130]

What the fuck are you even trying to say? Those words don't form a cohesive sentence.

[@Milkyshake117]

@@randoprior4130 r/whooosh

[@ralek592]

@@Milkyshake117 nope, fuck right off with that reddit lingo

[@KingOfThePanduz]

@@randoprior4130 ok boomer

[@cupsoup6401]

the most millenial thing i've ever seen

[@germaxicus6670]

"She said that this dude was like driving her down to Salinas..." I can't think of a worse place to be taken to.

[@jeffallen55]

Germaxicus What about Modesto?

[@tsuba14]

sacramento

[@Umbra16]

Y’all just going to act like Stockton doesn’t exist?

[@oscarm6990]

@@tsuba14 Sacramento isn't that bad. If I hated someone, I'd force them to live in Stockton, Tracy, or Fresno

[@ottterdude]

What about Manteca 😂😂

[@allisonbilbey1948]

“She is such a hot mess express” is for some my favorite line from them

[@ButWhatIfItIs]

"we'll have you alerted police?" "Umm... When would I have done that?" 🤣

[@ShaunHensley]

I had to get up asscrack early to be on the show

[@dhruvshetty6190]

"Jim and Tracey you don't even knoww"

[@randyking3057]

I watch this over and over and I am stunned by the top notch acting. They put the "big time" actors to shame.

[@PeerKristijan]

randy king maybe they are really just like that

[@janewick509]

Yeah, I know they are actors but I was like "shut up bish"😂😂

[@austinshinn9506]

To Happy Death Day fans, the brunette IS big time.

[@ItsLisetteMedina]

“I can totally see Erin getting kidnapped.” 😂😂😂

[@MasterMoose04]

Erin is pissed

[@BlissReality]

plot twist erin is the kidnapper

[@-ACE.]

🧐 AOT Prediction in 2011.

[@AustineTheStampede]

Eren's always getting kidnapped

[@lealta1481]

Screw Erin

[@mikescarborough9196]

The two girls just ran away with this whole thing. They need their own show.

[@onkelpappkov2666]

Katie: "Welcome back to Current Events Or Whatever. I'm Katie Clemens." Meghan: "And I'm Meghan Cleary. The Coronavirus pandemic had caused the US government to issue a nation-wide lockdown but Sarah Sullivan still leaves the house looking like she woke up in a dumpster." Katie: "Totally. You'd think people have more time to care about what matters but what is that hair, like. Uh." Meghan: "I mean I know her family is dirt-poor but they don't have to run around advertising it." Katie: "Scientists are frantically trying to find a vaccine against the virus. But do they find a vaccine against trash?" Meghan: "Jenna Gerland says no. Did you hear she went out with Randall from ninth?" Katie: "Oh my god, the nerd kid with the lisp? He's like, what, five years younger than her." Meghan: "She's a pedophile, what can I say." Katie: "Gross. Coming up next, we'll have an interview with channel WKUK's super-dreamy star host Blizzrd and another episode of Mall Bitches where Geena goes to the mall with Janeen." Meghan: "That bitch." Katie: "I know."

[@orchdork775]

@@onkelpappkov2666 😂👏👏👏 very well done

[@divyanshukumar2243]

The girl on the right was the lead actress on the "happy death day" movie

[@patstaysuckafreeboss8006]

She's everything 😍

[@Jorge23Costa]

Jessica Rothe

[@jolie8276]

I was literally looking for this comment

[@Handsomeanthony68]

Yo I thought she looked familiar! Thanks!

[@lordmoncef5494]

@@patstaysuckafreeboss8006 shut up simp

[@CC-si3cr]

This bit is from 2011 and it is still HILARIOUS!! - - I knew the girl playing Katie Clements looked familiar. She's from that "Happy Death Day" movie!

[@johnjohnfofohniam]

When Janelle was returned: Cops: “Hey, you’re safe now” Janelle: “Don’t touch me with your greasy burger hands”

[@arolemaprarath3248]

ok

[@sbslm1]

U mean 🍩 hands?

[@EfftingES]

''Just know that the two of you and Janelle are in out thoughts.'' ''Eww'' ''Gross''

[@asherujudo7383]

"Friends to missing teen: We miss you. Steffi P. Pregnant." This is literally the perfectest show ever.

[@vyl4650]

And i thought they nicknamed someone "stuffy pea"

[@bobbysands6923]

OH PLEASE BRING THIS BACK!!!! This is ffffing beautiful...where do you find these actors????

[@MrMowky]

"I hate her" 1:20 was amazing. So much disdain for a fictitious person 😁

[@macman975]

Hmmm yep. That is err, acting? 😂

[@dc9067]

She really does hate her

[@BirdGang6]

Lol they were genuinely annoyed to be even telling the joke

[@sledzeppelin]

Those girls absolutely kill it. That's some truly great comic acting.