How Do I Set Financial Boundaries With My Mom?

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[@royce3582]

Man you can just hear it in his voice… he’s been bottling it for a while and he’s had it.

[@jimroscovius]

My wife and I are 64 and we don't demand anything from our kids.

[@noblekishor]

Some parents know how to emotionally blackmail kids to fund their retirement

[@marilynbartlett1850]

Yeah somebody needs to tell mommy "no." Betting that no one ever has. I would never want to do this to my kids.

[@poeticprincee9750]

I know it sucks! My mom tries that too and it is almost very hard to say no! I try to ask myself what would God think.

[@demonetradair9033]

My mother was taking and expecting every cent I made since I was little. If I mowed a lawn it was hers. She was entitled to everything and told me I wasn't even entitled to food in the fridge. Went on into my 20s because she blackmailed me with my siblings. Eventually I couldn't send any more than 500 a month and I had too many medical bills to pay for everything she wanted so she disowned me and took away my siblings. So many mothers are actually monsters and our society is just obsessed with pretending mothers are angels. Go against them and you loose possibly your whole family over it so they abuse that power to no end.

[@rltreasure]

I’m so sad you have such a selfish and evil mother. And yes you’ll miss family, but that’s not a family anyway. I met a women who pimped out her daughter. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re blessed not have that kind of people around you.

[@pnwflipper2089]

Todd, when you say no to someone close to you who has been disrespecting your boundaries for a long time, they flip out on you. You have to do the right thing and fund your own retirement so you do not end up in a bad position in the future. Sometimes when a husband dies the mom can start relying on her son to do the things her husband used to do for her. The boundaries get blurry for her. Tell her firmly and with love that you can’t do any more. She will be irrationally upset but just keep reading that book about boundaries!

[@eddieleejoseph2998]

At 26 years old my 66 year old mom lives with me. She has mental health issues and lost everything she had over the course of the past 6 years. She asked me for a rental car and I said no. I won't put myself in a position where she could stretch me thin but aside from she did everything she could as a single mother so she can stay with me.

[@thebastardgift]

♥

[@dcg590]

You’re a classic son/husband. Sorry. Terrible to do to you

[@adamseidel9780]

She has two pensions and social security and she STILL can’t afford her lifestyle??!! Hell no!!

[@cleliaparnell8743]

She needs to get real and change her lifestyle!! 😅

[@jandlfaulkner]

You mom knew that there was no life insurance= Their fault, period. If she throws a fit because you tell her "No, enough is enough" then so be it. Stiffen your spine up. Think.... what is something happens to you and the money does not roll in anymore? Protect yourself. It is not your job to put yourself out while she gets put in.

[@commonsenseisntcommon1776]

Condos are nuts due to crazy HOA fees! I'd Never buy a condo.

[@thebastardgift]

HOAs, are another form of vampires.

[@radolfkalis4041]

Never buy into an HOA, they are Evil, abusive tyrants.

[@1981lashlarue]

I love my condo. I always wanted one. HOAs aren't just fees with no purpose. They go toward upkeep and things you don't have to do or would have to pay anyway like trash removal, water/sewage, lawn moving, snow removal. I also don't have to worry about certain things associated with home ownership like roof repair or replacement. It works out nice for me.

[@tenningale]

I live in a condo but I don't mind it. It combines multiple bills into one and frees up my time for more important things.

[@itchyisvegeta]

I'll live in an apartment before I buy anything with an HOA, ever!

[@janetcarroll8863]

Guilt is very powerful

[@NewLifestyleMentor]

If the mom is over-extended, then mom has got to sell some stuff & move into something a little more “sensible”. You’re being too “nice” to your mom, and being a “momma’s boy”. You’ve got to put your foot down on your mom, and tell her how it has to be.

[@elizabethallen4353]

And - letting your siblings off the hook. They don't help your mother or have the hard conversations with her.

[@NewLifestyleMentor]

@@elizabethallen4353 in actual fact, you’ve got to sit them all (mom & all the siblings together) down in a room all at the same time & tell them “how it’s gonna be”. The “Bank of Him” has got to stop … NOW!

[@NewLifestyleMentor]

@@elizabethallen4353 in actual fact, he’s got to sit everyone (mom & the siblings) in a room at the same time & he’s got to tell them “how it’s gonna be”. The “Bank of Him” is now permanently closed, and withdrawals have been stopped. Mom & the siblings are definitely going to “put up some drama”, but he’s got to put his foot down to end this non-stop bleeding!

[@amydoran9987]

Tell her to move to a place she can actually afford.

[@FrankS111]

Notice he said “my mothers husband” indicating this is at least the second man she’s been with while her son has been alive. Hops from man to man for help now she’s latched on to her son. Pathetic

[@siegfriedbraun5447]

Or his (traditional) birth father died in a horrific accident and Mom met another traditional man. But f-ed up? Three ways from Sunday!

[@jocarson5310]

He said her husband of 30 years. That is hardly jumping from man to man.

[@DC-rd6oq]

I wish there was more information on income and expenses. How much are her pensions and social security? How much was the condo? I thought he said mortgage payments were around $900/month but then I also thought he said HOA was $1,000/month. Something doesn't sound right, or I misunderstood.

[@mikeshaw4610]

You have to learn to say No. if you don’t you will not have anything.

[@SilentEire]

Can barley hear this dude, sounds like he’s talking through a snorkel

[@mikeyiorio1880]

😂

[@time4advancement244]

Yep, lots of sub-aquatic issues lately

[@joelalm3645]

No means no ! She is your mother even though you should not be responsible for your mother's life.

[@commonsenseisntcommon1776]

Just say NO!

[@tonytoni1150]

Learn to set boundaries and learn how to say NO! Your mother and wife should be no exception! You’ll get more respect that way.

[@monicavandeventer5429]

I would cut my mom off if she tried to pull something like this. Idc if she’s my mother. My family comes first.

[@debragiovine9797]

This becomes,,,, the Dr Dave show,,, like DrPhil

[@mmp495]

“That’s what she wanted.” 🙄 Sounds like they lived by that too.

[@cesaravegah3787]

For God sake, dont do it, just say "No mom, I love you and I wont ruin my future for a luxury purchase, period"

[@christophermontanez580]

In his 50’s and is a momma boy ya this guy isn’t married and weird as crap 😂

[@greggpurviance7252]

If DR is going to have people co-host, he needs to let them talk instead of interrupting all the time. Or maybe just do it himself & forget the whole co-host thing

[@scoutandscooter]

Too bad Hitchcock is gone. This would be be a great basis for a script. Oh, wait, I guess he did that in 1960.

[@jacquelinelewis5627]

She's one of those moms that is a total bird in my mother-in-law's the same way they will only leaves off of you if you allow it your mommy is not your responsibility not your wife she can't afford her bills and Mommy can go get a job she didn't prepare for her future and neither did her husband who passed away so her life is her problem not yours care of yourself and your finances because if the day comes when you need help don't count on your mommy to bail you out

[@jocarson5310]

So you are saying money is more important than people? Harsh.

[@jacquelinelewis5627]

Shes not his responsibility is what im saying. Its up to YOU to prepare for your future not be a burden to your kids that are trying to secure their future

[@bilalnuhu6992]

You have to take care of your mum if you dad is not around. That being said, taking care of her does not mean she should have lavish lifestyle. Necessities only. What the fuck is a condo?

[@treasuremuch9185]

It's a flat/apartment, in a multi-unit building. But instead of renting you buy to own. Afterward some folks will rent theirs out.

[@lukeharris2622]

✝️🙏

[@SPY_0-DTE]

🤣🤣 🤡

[@katemerez4052]

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[@sharondennis7252]

My first experience with Mrs Eleanor Nelson Barnes gave me the assurance and confidence that has made me to invest without fear of losing, I really appreciate her efforts and transparency..

[@harryp31]

@michaelcheng8639I got Eleanor Nelson Barnes recommendations on ABC News in December 2022 and started following her lead and made $23,450 in two week. Lost my job in April 2022 and right now I'm back on top again and I always win with her guidance.

[@jeenagreat3993]

A lot of people keeps talking about investments and how investment trade change their lives. I really need to engage myself in someway of earning more income and stop depending on the government

[@LindaNates]

I'm from Bowie Maryland USA. I connected with her and she has helped me a lot, she makes so much profit for me,she is a FINRA agent, the best I can invest with so far ever, since I came across expert Mrs Eleanor, my bad turned out to be good in trading aspect, she's superlative.

[@jasongriffith2431]

Please I need someone to help me trade or invest the market because I'm tired of trading in losses myself. I've blown my account more than once and it's so disheartening.

[@willdraper1141]

I cannot believe this. What a terrible mom

[@John-du2mq]

I can't imagine being ungrateful for my son buying me a nice condo. Sounds like she shouldn't have gotten squat.

[@langasanders1337]

My mother is 79 years old, doesn't ask me for a dime, is independent and retired. Lives below her means

[@chookchack]

Best thing he did is he put the property in his name.

[@LinzyLinz7]

Wow yea my mom tried this with me too for 12 years, but I put my foot down at 29 years old. I'm 31 now and life is so much better. The toxic codependent lifestyle was the worst, I hated it and I hate it for this caller.

[@joycewright5386]

When I finished school I wanted to help my mother because she struggled for years as a single parent and she refused to take a dime. I had to sneak money into her wallet behind her back.

[@joannesmith8840]

Love this.

[@jocarson5310]

You are a good daughter.

[@shachede6828]

I wish!

[@alej_adame]

I love your moms mentality, and you are a great daughter. God bless you.

[@hanifjones4914]

this is the beauty of space. you mom is giving it to you. makes giving easy and unguilted. best giving ever.

[@coolaunt516]

This goes back decades. Not a recent issue.

[@feliciavale4279]

Kinda glad to see I'm not the only one in the "my parents expect me to be their retirement plan" boat. This needs to stop.

[@Linda-zv8ky]

I once asked my mother if she knew what a boundary is and she told me yes, it means she didn’t have to do anything for anyone else. I asked her about her respecting other people’s boundaries and she said that there was no such thing. So I showed her by saying no when she was trying to cross my boundaries. She learned when she was about 85 and I was the only one of her children who would have anything to do with her. Saying no to her demands brought us closer.

[@Polo22546]

That's great to hear.

[@windsongshf]

To people like me who was poor growing up with a single mom, 125K sounds like a lot of money, but since getting my own finances in order, 125K is still a very very good income, but you can quickly get behind the 8 ball, if you think you can give it away!

[@karenabrams8986]

Oh hell no. My wife’s mom just passed suddenly and her gambling addict dad wanted to move in. Has acted like we’re his financial safety net. Nope. We had some very hard convos. I told him we can’t live together, not even for 1 day. We are not financially supporting him either. He’ll have to “act his wage” for the first time in his life. He threatened suicide and the answer was still no. He found an apartment in Seattle near my wife’s brother.

[@windsongshf]

Good for you! People suck even if it's a parent.

[@karenabrams8986]

Thanks! Worst convo ever! I asked him if he really wants his daughter to blame herself if he does that?! He slithered away. That man is so yucky and manipulative. And entitled. 🤢

[@windsongshf]

@@karenabrams8986 Hold your ground! I've got a real piece of work in my family as well. Sometimes, you just gotta turn them over to the universe/God/whatever, cause there's not a thing you can do. Google: "Narcissist family members grey rock" I've used this method many times, it's a lifesaver! :)

[@mathematician1234]

Oh yes. Grey rock all the way. I have used this hundreds of times in the last 40 years. Not for family, but for awful colleagues and bosses.

[@karenabrams8986]

I’m super happy with my responses in the moment. I rocked grey rock like a pro. What sucked was being angry, sad and sickened for 2 days afterward. Would like to bounce faster. Impatient to feel immune to the guilt trip. None of these parasites ever feel guilt so neither should my wife or I. It’s very hard to accept there’s just morally vacuous self serving hedonists and sometimes that piece of 💩 is your parent.

[@bellmattwebb]

Two pensions and social security! Must be nice. Tell her that you'd be happy to help her learn how to budget.

[@Justmeeeee813]

She latched onto one man. Now he’s dead. She is trying to latch onto another.

[@thomasdonlin5456]

Son-husband deal. Emotional incest at its finest.

[@zoraster3749]

He’s a son husband. Time to drop her where she stands.

[@Justmeeeee813]

@@thomasdonlin5456 I have a cousin in this exact spot. He is oblivious to how creepy it’s become.😢

[@KS-cl8br]

first is normal it was her husband second isn't since its her son

[@luminous6969]

What? A woman latching onto a man for financial support? What a strange thing that has never ever happened before!

[@retrojay86]

Damn he sounds weak like cottonelle tissue😐😒

[@thebastardgift]

Not weak but most likely conditioned since a child to be the parent to take care of his mother while she relaxes throughout life and if he does not change, he will be in a casket before she is in one. He's stressed because now he has to face an ugly truth. If he does not give all that he has to her, she might never want to see him again and he must confront she likely never cared about him as he made himself believe.

[@retrojay86]

@@thebastardgift however you want to put it, I consider it weak a person especially a man not putting their foot down and enforcing boundaries.

[@thebastardgift]

@@retrojay86, Over 50 years old he needs to do the very thing that should have been done decades ago. My point was he was likely emotionally blackmailed since a child to conform to her vulture behavior. Mom is now 75 years old and if she cuts him out of her life, he has to live with that. He is not weak as a man but rather as a human. We all have scars and now he is dealing with his.

[@retrojay86]

@@thebastardgift hope her gets it together soon

[@thebastardgift]

@@retrojay86, me too and be at peace with his decision because either way there will be some pain involved.

[@mwhe3111]

Poor Todd. Read that book over and over, buddy...it'll change your life as you put the principles into practice.

[@luisriba8082]

Son-husband Situation.

[@djpuplex]

She must think your her son husband. Tell her to find a husband.

[@Xanatos_Clutch]

Moms like this are what nursing homes are for.

[@irisquinones1275]

hahahahahahahahahahahahhaa that made me laugh outloud

[@Jcf824]

It doesn’t stop with the nursing home. They only keep $50 per month but the NEED $500 per month to stock their room with groceries and snacks because the dining room is 120 steps away. That’s “too far to walk” for a prepaid meal. Just say NO!

[@blueflameSM]

So, the caller expects to pay for everything then? Groceries? Mortgage? Utilities? I know it hurts saying no to your parents, but sometimes it has to be said.

[@chocolateangel8743]

I think it also has to do with his ego and being "the golden child." He wants to be able to swoop in like Superman and give his mom the world.

[@cfw5110]

It is okay to say, NO! Even to mothers.

[@physicianskitchen]

Some parents are truly anything but parent-like. My own mother asked money at the very beginning of my career when every penny was majorly important to me and she had an abundance. I did it then cause I had no boundaries but that kind of relationship needs either major limits or you'll literally die from stress and exhaustion from your parent.

[@robloxvids2233]

I was 26, living at my parents-law's and my dad was having me take out 5 figures in cash advances to stave off bankruptcy. It didn't work and they went bankrupt. I had a tough conversation with him and said I can't do this anymore. I need to start my own life. He understood. I'm 44 now worth 1.12 million, increasing by about 100k/year. Just got home from a Caribbean cruise where money wasn't a concern. It's amazing how free you are financially when you don't let others hold you down. Why give money to someone who is terrible with money when I can instead put that in my Roth IRA, 401(k), HSA, or ESA for my son and put it to work for me? Because we're related? Who gives a fuck. Pull your damn self up. There's time to donate when I die. What doesn't go to my descendents will go to a cancer charity or something. Stop investing in financial morons. Oh, by the way, my dad earned 40k more when he went bankrupt than I EVER have. And I'm the one with the professional license.

[@Jim_Curtis]

This guy needs to stand up to his mom and keep saying no. Otherwise, she will ruin his life. You can tell in his voice that she makes his life miserable.

[@angel-ij4xv]

run far away from her

[@Jim_Curtis]

@@angel-ij4xv Yes indeed!

[@tristan2332]

Sorry you got a.bad mother that appears to just use people. A good mother would not be wanting son to support her.. she has her own income let her find another guy to drain.

[@Tashas_Travels]

I cut my mother off. I was only loved when i gave money, then hated when i didn't. Best thing to do is to sell that damn condo,get your name off of it and start saying no. It's not worth it trying to buy people's love. Even for family.

[@rrobertson4191]

I really doubt he took Dave's class

[@rodneyevans8362]

You are being used! Stop being are doormat.

[@brooklynzoo81]

Gtfoh with this. Sorry not sorry. Sell that condo and have her move in or get her an apartment.

[@karinal75]

His mother is weaponizing her incompetence. This is financial abuse as it’s finest.

[@invenio1978]

The caller is weak willed and simply an enabler. All he has to say is "NO," and this entire situation wouldn't be happening. It's on him. He's an adult,... just acting like a child.

[@thegenxgamerr]

Young men out there, please listen to this call closely. Don't be this guy. I'm 53, he is 52 you don't have to end up like. PLEASE start using the word "No" believe me once you start it get's easier and easier.

[@janelleg597]

Everything about this is so chaotic

[@JamesCuck-gq5en]

Surprised he didn’t say to sell His mom and eat rice and beans

[@commonsenseisntcommon1776]

I guess SIMPS can be relatives too.

[@RPMcMurphy33]

Yikes. This is a codependent relationship. Mom is controlling and Todd has been defending her his whole life. I hope he can break this spell.

[@georgewagner7787]

2 pensions? Turn off your phone

[@BusArch42]

We had this problem with my MiL. She refused to work. Said it was her right to be a home maker. Except she was terrible at it and has been married and divorced five times. My husband “had” to support her while he was in college in 1984. After college he continued and when we got married it didn’t stop. We continued being the person she called until 2019. We spent decades supporting her. It only stopped when I told hi, we couldn’t retire because we had no idea when something would come up. She never warned us. It was always a middle of the night call to ask for money to be deposited the next morning. She didn’t care if we had to both be at work. There were times she would call me because he was on business travel. It is so nice now that we have a solid boundary in place.

[@MooMoo69556]

Bet ur gonna be celebrating when she’s in the grave eh?

[@vickieclark5931]

It's bad enough when people have lazy and ungrateful kids that expect everything. But it's 10 times worse when it's parents expecting their kids to foot the bill on everything. SMH

[@screwdriver_bandit]

To the nursing home ya go bye bye

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

Sell the condo. Mom can figure it out. She can want anything but doesn’t mean you give it to her say no. If you let her stay in condo say no to any more money or help.

[@aolvaar8792]

Two pensions and SSA>> ~$6K/mo? Boo Hoo

[@greggpurviance7252]

The guy is also totally disorganized. Knows mom gits SS & a couple of pensions probably doesn't know how much. Bought a condo & surprised at HOA fees & set back. No clue of even approximate net worth. Stop & get yourself together. Then help mom get her stuff together if she will. Learn to say NO

[@richcreager7877]

I don't have a dog in this fight, My mom lives in 1 of my Rentals with no expenses. But through the Ramsey way of life I'm able to afford it . Zero debt lifestyle has afforded me the opportunity to do things I would have never imagined when I use to be stupid with money.

[@georgewagner7787]

My parents worked like dogs. Mom passed in November and her senior community just refunded rent security and she in effect paid my rent for the summer. They were awesome, i miss them

[@AimeePoppinBabies]

I dunno what it is with these old people who assume their legit CHILD should be taking care of them. You have had 70 years to figure it out Karen. Ur on your own we got kids to take care of!!

[@Thebulbacardi]

Sounds like she wants a sonsband😢

[@GolfDuff]

maybe time to become a man!

[@John3.36]

"The only butt is your mom" lolol

[@robertthompson5908]

Yet another video that is super painful to watch. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with this guy.

[@Primitive_Code]

1:53-2:14. Dave: Does your mom have any money? Todd: Ayy, you know...blah blah blah Dave: Hey Todd, does she have any money? 😂

[@bird7464]

haahahahahahhhhhhhhaaa

[@mel9266]

I’m sorry if you are 75 you’re on your way out… nobody should be funding for a ridiculous condo at that age would’ve been more appropriate if she moved in with the son if she was in desperate need no to get a condo! Smh

[@joeydziedzic7466]

Man oh man, I thought my mom was difficult. Lol

[@mfbikle]

“The only but is your mom” Dave 😂

[@truthseeker6370]

😂😂😂 I loved that too!

[@faithnjoroge5861]

😂😂

[@Lil-Whiskies]

Where was Mom living before the condo, on the street? How was she not self-sufficient at her age? Why does she need someone to foot the bill if she worked and has pensions and retirement? I don't get it.

[@wayneburton3168]

Love ya Dave, but why don’t you allow your co-host be a co-host. Stop interrupting them.

[@bign1667]

He's a handy man with construction skills and probably fantastic to help fix things.....that's why mums been a cow 🐄 and he's use to being handy and he's now got tired of it. THATS WHY HES THE GO TO CHILD

[@nowaytoisop8776]

I'm in a similar boat. My parents are getting divorced and my mom absolutely cannot afford her house. My dads work around to not having to pay alimony is telling her to come to me for money because I have 20k in cash for school expenses. Literally trying to have my mom leach onto my college savings so he wont have to pay alimony. And he's guilt tripping me on it because he signed over the car I've been driving and maintenencing for six years to my name and because he allowed me to live at home while going to school. I'm not going to let my mom starve but at the same time I'm not giving her my money. The boundary is set at "you need to eat, fine." I just want out of this mess tbh...

[@victoriaquetel2822]

Answer is “no”

[@clarifyingquestions]

This is awful. May I suggest help those who help themselves. ie what is mom doing to feed, cloth, and put a roff over her own head. If she is working non stop to help herself, then of course feed her, but if not then why would you work to enable her. Enabling is not helping.

[@jimroscovius]

Just say no. It's not hard.

[@Justmeeeee813]

Good for you for setting boundaries. Good luck to you.

[@redzin8818]

Legally your dad cannot make you give your mom money to avoid alimony. The courts will decide what he pays. Your dad isn't right to out that on you.

[@fhuber7507]

Simple: Sorry mommy, I can't afford you.

[@jimroscovius]

You just say no.

[@9liveslisa]

He needs to put his mother through Financial Peach University! She needs to know her income coming in and a budget with a name for every dollar. And she needs to stop guilting him into spending his money. She's playing the martyr card. "No" is a wonderful word to learn how to use. It stops a lot of grief.

[@TShirtAndReeboks]

Todd helped his mom quite a bit already, I am sure she will be fine. I think helping once in a while is probably doable, but honestly the issue here is mom thinking she gets to call the shots. Mom is not entitled to Todd's money! I would definitely help my parents if they really needed it, but this mom is not really even trying.

[@seanjean9677]

Mom is too old for this

[@stephengamber7000]

"No" is a full sentence. "Nope" NADA" "Nicht" "Nine" also work

[@commonsenseisntcommon1776]

Any other children that can help or is it just you?

[@BrownCornbread3]

Todd was the only child, maybe. Raised by a Single mom. Until she got married. Was a certain way towards Todd growing up. Also, racial wealth gap and family dynamics in mind, this is not surprising unfortunately.

[@DFullerLisa]

If I ask money for my mom I make her get a notarized agreement at the bank and establish a repayment plan. It's too easy to become neglectful without a proper repayment plan in place. A notarization respects the sacrifice someone else is doing to help you out and you don't get entitled.

[@janhatcher6991]

sell the condo and put her in an apartment. Don't give her anything more.

[@bernaclischurchill4463]

This sounds like my neighbor, manipulating her children. She has all of them taking care of her.

[@Bob-yh7ir]

Such BS. No. Sorry mom. you will finally have to learn to live within your means. It may mean you live in a small hut, do without the stuff you had before, etc. NO !

[@Songbird36able]

Soft, weak mama's boy. So sad that these weak people can't say NO!!

[@1rosborough]

You help me grow my money like Farm land ..your the greatest of all time

[@johnwillis2649]

This guy is confused. He needs to stop helping his mother and get his own life together.

[@MrTmenzo]

Son husband

[@missamanda2703]

I would live in a van by the river before my son supported me.