THESE are the signs you have a father wound

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

If you’re ready to heal, my private membership community opens Sept 1st. I only open this 3 times a year and spaces do sell out. Join the waitlist or learn more here: selfhealerscircle.com

[@UpperMidnight]

How about an episode on the mother wound? 😊🙏🏻

[@lyndadoerner5341]

@@UpperMidnightShe did that one, it is awesome.🙏

[@UpperMidnight]

@@lyndadoerner5341 thank you very much I didn't know

[@katecrosby7890]

Every time my dad was angry at me for crying, my mom told me that he was raised by people who didn't allow emotions... 42 years in and I realized I was too

[@hpholland]

It wasn’t his fault what happened to him as a child but it was his responsibility to heal as an adult… and he did not. Neither did mine.

[@ladyofspa]

We know better... break the legacy

[@itscourtney218]

MIND BLOWN reading that…that has never crossed my mind and same w my family

[@harisdiz.5817]

He might have not, but he created an opportunity for you to do so for all of your forefathers. ​@hpholland

[@sillymamacita3854]

😮❤❤❤

[@eacomedy]

The father wound in Americans has been compounded by war. Both of my grandfathers and my father served in combat zones. So, my Dad was raised by a combat veteran and then became a combat veteran himself. The unresolved/unaddressed trauma of war absolutely informed their whole lives as well as their parenting.

[@Lala7777belle]

Yes

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Yes, this is such a true statement. Thank you for bringing this up.

[@aryarish]

So not only did they hurt you and but they have a history of hurting innocence in general. Under the label of fighting terrorism or communism or whatever they told themselves when blindly following orders for the higher ups

[@Cafeallday222]

10000000%

[@gharbadthewhoa2315]

Same in the Balkans... 😢

[@CJSmith-ky5bh]

I think there’s also the enabling father who didn’t protect his kids from a toxic/narcissistic/abusive mother. Massive wound from that. Perhaps the biggest and deepest wound we have.

[@russiasgreatestexports4026]

Yup, that father chose his horrid female partner, and kept choosing her after seeing her abuse.

[@rebeccalavanture9741]

Yes the father that lacks protection… that is such a good one. And I could see an extremely extremely painful one.

[@Bronte866]

This is well known and well established.

[@Tally-vision]

Perhaps not

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Yes, that is absolutely one way that we can have wounding from our father. Thank you for bringing this up ❤

[@YogiRed]

Dad is over 85 now and I made the decision to not help him nor continue any relationship with him. Sad how many men never will take accountability nor want to mend their relationship with their daughter. It is freeing to let go of these wounds he caused but it has taken a lot of work. Learning how the brain works has helped me so much otherwise I would probably still be stuck looping on him and hurting my own feelings.

[@briana14333]

I share your same sentiments. Mine is 79. I realized I can’t hang onto hope AND heal, so I chose to heal. Best of luck to you❤️‍🩹

[@YogiRed]

@@briana14333 I'm so sorry that was your experience. It can take over your own life experience. Good on you for choosing healing! I am sure that must have not been easy. Sending you healing vibes and thank you for sharing!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Grateful to hear that you have been able to let go. I completely understand that in order to do so, it took a lot of work. Love that learning how the brain works was supportive in helping you to let go. Thank you for your willingness to share about your father wounding❤

[@lindahall3546]

Mine too. Exactly. I'm done!

[@Ratinevo]

It’s the only way. ❤

[@natalie4787]

For me, it’s the lack of self worth and the shame that comes from having a father who may have inadvertently neglected you or made you feel unimportant because he was working so much and/or because of his own wounds. He really tried and he’s not a bad person or a bad father. He just didn’t realize that my needs were exceeding what he was able to provide emotionally. It took me a long time to see this wound because I didn’t see my dad as a bad guy so I wasn’t leaving space for the disparity between what I needed and what he was capable of.

[@jenniferdelacruz4276]

Well said.

[@NicoleP278]

This is exactly my situation as well.

[@rebeccalavanture9741]

Yes.. good point. Many man have their own traumas and wounds and they are not doing this intentionally.

[@elissa3188]

This! I think this is what many people experienced. My dad worked a lot. We got a "good" life- but he wasn't really available much. But back then he wasn't expected to be.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

It's powerful to witness you acknowledge that he really tried his best and still wasn't able to fully meet your needs. Really appreciate you sharing your experience with me❤

[@JW86100]

Absolutely relatable - screamed at for laughing, for crying, for expressing anger, for NOT expressing anger, checks off every other item on the list too. My current challenge is welcoming my own feelings of anger about him, instead of repressing. It's complicated. I look forward to your next video!

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for sharing how you can relate to this video. Appreciate you being here❤

[@mjey1]

Ive confronted my parents all throughout my adult life for their behaviors. I've tried hard to shine light on the Dynamics and the effects of the way they talk and behave. Sometimes, most of the time, older people just don't change. All they do is get defensive and think you're being a disrespectful child or looking to criticize - because naturally, their psychology doesn't know how to learn grow and discuss without being defensive.

[@LynnRene]

I'm terribly sorry this is so long, but I wanted to share my experience with you. I'm saying this with love because I can identify with you. I've been in enough perilous places that I've learned to never judge people. I have to say, though, that the language you used makes me think I understand. You said you've "confronted my parents all my adult life". There comes a time when you have to stop trying; because every time you try again they will see it as another attempt to blame your problems on your parents. You may be deeply wounded, as I have been, but I had to choose to stop expecting them to apologize and take control of the situation myself. I chose to forgive them. It's not something you tell them you did - it's a private victory between you and God. I firmly believe that you will feel as I did - like I *finally* had this gigantic burden lifted from me! From that point on I never brought anything about it up to my parents and we were able to start enjoying each other's company and heal the rift. And, if you see that old behavior popping up in your parent, then just make a graceful beeline for the door! I don't feel good or I'm going to miss my show, etc.

[@moonstrukk126]

@@LynnRene That you still have a relationship with your abusers wreaks of bypass. When someone refuses to look at the damage and make amends it's not a relationship, it becomes a sacrifice and it's completely one sided relationship. Relationships are reciprocal, but it sounds like your relationship with them is not. Especially if you are taking on all of the responsibility .I ask respectfully, how is it beneficial to you or your inner child? I mean it feels like you've just become a people pleaser taking on the entire responsibility in a relationship that only benefits them. Just allowing them to behave however and running away when they become abusive. How is that beneficial, emotionally? I ask because I have forgiven people in my heart but I understand they are dangerous. I tried this with my abusive older brother and guess what? He's still abusive and manipulative. Why would I give him opportunities to be abusive? It doesn't make any sense. I do understand not having expectations of apology or acknowledgment, but continuing to give myself to unrepentant abusers isn't healthy.

[@LynnRene]

@@moonstrukk126 I appreciate your concern and advice. My actions are driven by my deep love for my Savior, Jesus. John 8:7 - ... let he who is without sin cast the first stone." The Fifth Commandment says to "Honor thy Father and Mother, that it may go well with you". This is strong language from God in both scriptures I cited. God has given me peace so very deep, that it truly is without understanding. I am now able to handle things gracefully and with love. I'm no longer afraid to speak up if they hurt me; with the caveat that it is all done with God's love and His grace. What better example of God could I possibly be to my siblings, and others who were aware, but to be this way? As I said, I really appreciate your input - I respect your opinion. But the way I've handled it is giving glory to God, not myself, and I know I'm in His will with this. God bless you!

[@Ratinevo]

Both mother and father are like this and worse. My father would go missing for months, sometimes a year. My mother beat us up everyday over nothing - she’d even invent mistakes/reasons just to beat us up. All my life, I have wished I was never born. I have abnormal anxiety, I hate drinking coz it makes it worse, only cigarettes make the anxiety subside and stay low, so I can function, otherwise, I am a little ball of shame, fear, dread, and self-isolation. Once as a kid (I must have been 9 or 10), after my mother was too violent and abusive, I told her I want to be a street/homless kid instead of living with her. Apologies for the long comment, I love your videos.

[@mining4goldmeister420]

Dad matched all of those shortcomings 100%. He did love us dearly, and it showed most deeply just before he died. He just was never shown from his parents what healthy love looked like. He grew up with the most horrific mother on the face of the earth and a sickly father, and would have been better off being raised by wolves. He basically raised himself. Poor guy. It took me learning to deal with the deep wounds from my past to understand the depths of his pain. Going easy on myself, being compassionate with myself, and forgiving myself helped me to finally forgive him. Being able to take off that mantle and weight I carried for years of both my parents trauma and hurt, and lay it all in their laps, where it rightfully belonged - instead of blaming myself for never being enough & feeling so angry for having to be their emotional caretaker - gave me a freedom I had never had. Their sorrows were never mine to carry - it took years to understand that. It gave me the chance to see him as that scared little boy in a man's body and helped me realize how very blessed I am, by God's grace, to be able to overcome what he couldn't.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Inspired to hear that going easy, being compassionate and forgiving yourself helped you forgive your dad. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and willingness to share about your father wounding. ❤

[@intrinsicfreedom]

I appreciate you offering a valuable summary of your past trauma and what you have done to grow through it all. This phrasing, particularly, means quite a bit: "Going easy on myself, being compassionate with myself, and forgiving myself helped me to finally forgive him." Thank you.

[@YeshuaKingMessiah]

So glad u see it was he Couldn’t Not he Wouldn’t Makes a vast diff now, doesn’t it? It wasn’t personal, for starters.

[@kristilisakleiner9384]

My goodness, you are obviously a very evolved and lovely person who has had to work very, very hard for all the emotional and psychological gains that you have managed, excellence on you! There is a book out by a lady psychologist whose name escapes me called radical compassion, I have listened to her on the app Calm and I think you would enjoy listening to her or reading her book, again it’s called radical compassion

[@misschokesondique_yt]

All of these things happened to me, I cried hearing all of this! I have to see my father tomorrow. Sometimes I wana tell him “it’s ok, you only did what you thought was right, you acted on what you knew as “parenting” it’s not your fault, but it is. I forgive you, but I need you to recognize what you did, the impact it had on my life and why you won’t give me some kind of reparations? Because he lives his life like everything and everyone is ok, but we are not, and I know he is not. “Don’t you truly want to heal?” I go back and forth with the wanting a relationship, but I have to come to terms with loving him from a far. 😢 it’s hard. It’s made my love life hard, and just trusting people in general. But I’m getting better.

[@beccah2u]

Do you feel like you really can’t say those things or have a discussion with him? It’s so hard to not say the things you need to say. Maybe he’s willing to work on it or talk abt it with you to help you begin the healing process? Maybe he needs the talk to be able to heal too? I hope you have the strength one day to say what you need to say, in a kind and loving manner, of course.

[@notashroom]

Parents can't heal or validate the wounds they installed. The shame is too deep and scary and they're too fragile, or feel they are, to confront all of that. Instead we have to validate ourselves and one another and stand witness where we can (for siblings, cousins, childhood friends).

[@shreychaks]

I can not tell you how much I resonate with this !

[@andreabrentano2008]

I got a lot of help by Pete Walker's books, "Tao of fully feeling", about genuine forgivness, not the "we have to forgive, because it is my father or mother". And Patrick Teahan on KZbin. Listening to Nicole Lepera of course.

[@misschokesondique_yt]

@@beccah2u his mind is clouded with “Well, God has forgiven me, you should too” he is a right wing conservative so, you know what that means. He equates his wealth and prosperity to being holy. Not because he married a cash cow. (Literally) I hear through the grape vine that he is not actually happy) some times when I see him, there are these little glimmers of hope, and then he just hides behind his religion. I have never actually heard him say “I’m sorry” or “This is why I did this, and I was wrong, is there any way I can help you with your trauma?”(This is what I meant by reparations ) He would never. He was brought up to think emotions are weak. 😮‍💨🥺

[@Luubelaar]

6/6! What do I win? Nearly 2 decades in therapy. Yay?

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I'm grateful to hear that you've been getting support in healing from this❤

[@Ratinevo]

I know how that feels. None of this was your fault, you were just a kid, you didn't have a choice nor the power, you were at the mercy of those who ruined you.

[@Thecosmicbrat369]

Thank you for your work! It took me 35 years of abusive relationships and codependency to realize my father was my first bully. It's a mind fuck when a primary caregiver with power over your life and wellbeing is/was an emotionally dysregulated bully (inside the home, but has the wherewithal to act differently in front of others), and your mother enabled the abuse and chaos out of her own dysfunction. I have been able to shift the dynamic with my father after setting hard boundaries, cutting him off when he violated those boundaries, and giving him my honest "parent report" and being the black sheep for awhile - which ultimately has been very healing for us both, and the rest of the family. He's started apologizing to people and changing his behavior for the better, now at age 60. But I really don't think he would've gotten there without someone in the family finally standing up to him and saying "This is fucked up, and we're not doing this anymore." Calling them out (as long as there's no threat of physical danger) is a great kindness to them, as well as yourself. ❤

[@Carrie-sgda]

My mother and father were both abused and then went on to abuse us because they were not aware of their traumas and how it develops in them and inflicts others or how they should be and parent because they never had a role model. Unrecognised trauma spreads like a disease , if you have gone through abuse your more likely to attract others who will abuse you and accept that abuse because its familiar and what you have always done and had to do to survive. I love that people are becoming mire and more aware of this and breaking the cycle

[@AT-eu4zu]

I have a father wound After years at age 31 I let my Dad go and I ‘buried’ him as a father. He’s a man I love and I no longer condemn. I did some plant medicine and I saw he had such trauma and was stuck and trapped using religion as his jail. He’s so repressed and he’s been so since a child. It’s given me a lifetime of work on myself but despite him not being a great dad or husband and cheating constantly (been catching him since I was tiny) he’s 76 and still does it. Daddy, I love you and I release my expectation of you I hope that relieves some of your pressure of being stuck. Now Im in a relationship with the love of my life and he is 60. Do I have daddy issues ? Perhaps . Does it matter to me? No. Because I was with my ex for a long time and he was my age and exactly like my dad, great to the world but treating his family like shit he abused me because I thought I deserved it. Now I’m treated with the respect I deserve. You know what’s funny. Once you stop blaming others for your traumas you realise you are making yourself suffer by constantly ruminating the past and feeding the subconscious beliefs. I’m done now , it was a heavy weight to carry and I’m finally free of it. Looking in the mirror is the hardest task, even harder than forgiving my parents. But I love myself enough to do it and improve everyday. What’s funny is that I’ve struggled with acne since I can remember even eating clean and years of treatments never helped. From the day I let go things and started looking at my soul was the day I could physically look in the mirror because my skin is almost glowing to the point where strangers are coming up more and telling me how beautiful I am it’s really because I’m working internally and it’s truly reflecting and also a reflection of accepting myself inside and out and that’s what people at finding attractive. I think I’m writing this for myself , I have a long way to go it’s a lifetime of beautiful work with tears and love. I wish everyone love on their healing journeys we are all one and I hope my healing is healing for others ❤

[@susanphend2189]

My father did all of these things and more. He worked hard and that was it. He gave me an apology about a week before he passed acknowledging that he “didn’t always treat me very well”.

[@missyjo2475]

Many people won't apologize. I wonder if he just didn't know how to do it "right." At least he was sentient enough to say he was sorry. 😢

[@devilsadvocacy]

You’re lucky. I didn’t even get that. Cherish that moment

[@Sweepee-v2v]

That's good you got an apology. It might help you along the way. In my case, I wouldn't have accepted it. Mine would be just feeling powerless and looking for sympathy. He hated me with a passion just for being born. By the way.. I hated him too, but I just couldn't express it. He died when I was 21. I've never shed a tear 43 years of freedom from his monstrous behaviour towards me. ✨️

[@susanphend2189]

@@Sweepee-v2v I did not accept his apology. He was in a bed in the hospital at the time. When he was done talking, I turned around and sat down. He said to mother, “she (me) didn’t say anything.” Mother said, “I’m sure she appreciates it.” I appreciated it only to the extent that he acknowledged his behavior. It proved what I already knew, that he was aware of how he behaved toward me and made a conscious choice to not behave differently. He could have chosen differently for 60+ years so he had plenty of opportunities. I’m guessing that he expected me to say that it was ok, that I forgave him and that I loved him. None of that was true, so I said nothing.

[@susanphend2189]

@@missyjo2475 He knew how to behave. He chose not to behave as a loving parent.

[@Melissa.O]

This video resonates with me. I've been aware that I have a father wound for a long time, but after seeing this, I can recognize that my father has one as well. I'm looking forward to the healing video . Thank you for sharing 💕

[@verekat1933]

Deep Father wound. He died many years ago but I am still resentful. Looking forward to learning how to heal. Thank you for making this important video. ❤

[@bridgetjones8339]

My father did it all, my childhood was hell. I’d rather be dead than live through it again.😢

[@vivianvennicia]

My dad was awesome. He wasn't perfect but he did almost everything right.

[@annap9441]

Lucky you❤

[@sashikosavage]

Yeah that must have been great.

[@ravenraven966]

No wonder im so broken...im sure i have both a father wound and a mother wound...😢...ive tried so hard to heal... years of therapy with a few different therapists...none of this stuff was ever discussed ...

[@gatasalinas90]

My dad had most of these descriptors. He did alot of those things you mentioned, on top of being physically abusive and going to prison for 7 and a half years. Thank you for sharing. The wounds are deep with me and videos like this help me try to be more aware of my own father wounds that I see come up in the way I treat myself and others, day to day.

[@Amanda.0317]

@@gatasalinas90 💗 same here

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Grateful that this video helped give you more awareness around your father wounds. Thank you for taking the time to share. ❤

[@mehmandst.94]

When I watched the video for the second time, my root chakra confirmed all the wounds! My father didn't even have the ability to provide shelter or a house for us and was dependent on others. A few days ago, I was looking for a content on treating father's wound on your channel and I'm very eager to see your next video.

[@cherylanderson9126]

Thank you! I have 3/6. Also have a mother wound from your list. I am past 65. I have tried to reason with my feelings of detachment from them, especially dad, for years. My feelings, my eczema, were devalued. For the past year I have had new insight due to videos like yours. Keep revealing the truth of shame and insecurity and the family dynamics that feed depression. ❤️

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@rkeller8141]

My dad had issues, who doesn’t? I noticed he left for work at 4 am everyday for years until he retired. He worked as a butcher at a meat cutting company, also managed his crew. The man was exhausted, but did the best he could, and I was never wanting, and if I did, he would help me get it. His humility as a man taught me a lot, just by being my dad, married to my mother for 70 years, lived in their home for 49 years. I’m almost 80, and just realized how remarkable both my parents are, and what integrity they had.

[@WillNeverBeAGI]

I think we so often talk about the mother, so this addition to the story is really important. I personally resonate with almost all of these points. Though my own experience sees a rebellious adolescent phase that evolved into approval seeking as I entered my young adult era. I now find myself trying to bridge the gap between these, but for my own happiness. I'm glad to say what I realize now: I will never get their approval because it's unfortunately not something they can afford, even for themselves.

[@mm669]

You are a gifted psychologist. Thank you for sharing your gifts.

[@lucasclauson3779]

My dad was always super critical about things I did wrong, and very quiet about things I did right. He was somewhat verbally abusive, though never physically abusive. As I grew older I learned that his father was even worse. My grandfather walked out of my dad's life when my dad was 14 or 15. My dad always presented the story of having to get a job at 15 and working to help take care of his mom and brothers as a story of responsibility, but I can also see that it was part of the wounding he took from his own childhood. I believe that my grandfather was both verbally and physically abusive to my dad and his brothers. I can also see that I think my dad said to himself he wouldn't be that kind of dad, and did better that his own father, but still passed on trauma. It's kind of a kick in the teeth for me, as I said the same thing about me and my kids, and while I wasn't physically or verbally abusive, I can see now that I passed on some of the neglect I experienced without realizing it. At least I have the time and space to talk to my kids about this and try and make things better even though they're grown.

[@irenahabe2855]

Yes, we can do better now, nevrmind the age of our kids. But the denial of our father's trauma... their denial is amazingly huge.

[@yuiitodoro7791]

Ur father's story is very very similar my father's, my father's dad was physically and verbally abusive , and cut had huge arguments and fights with family and ran off when my dad was 15 , my dad started to go to jobs and abandoned studying, took care od his brother and mom, ..... I never even thought of my father's pov like this tbh .... later on my father's mom cared more for my uncle and they had a split up .though they all (me included live in a same house ) ,they keep having family dramas and hurting themselves... my dad is more emotionally understanding(which is the level of bare minimum tho) than my mom but is very neglectful and very critical of many things about me ...... I don't want to have kids , but I am Indian and they will force me to marry and have kids ig

[@altralinguamusica]

Nearly brought to tears watching this. Had no idea there was a name for all these things together. I have this. So does my sister. As soon as you mentioned the acting out to get his attention in any way possible, I remembered her teenage years. My dad is an alcoholic and smoked weed regularly when my sister and I were kids. He always struggled with money and would also keep whatever he made a secret from us, forcing us to struggle or make do with a lot less than was actually necessary, only for my mum to discover later that he would always panic-hoard money not only to make sure he could pay the mortgage and for our food but (as I realise now), also to support his habits. Part of the problem is my dad lost his dad at 13 and was never allowed to grieve and wasn't allowed to go to his funeral because my narcissistic grandmother decided the family had done their grieving once she had. He had no blueprint for how to be a dad once my sister and I hit our teens. He treats us very differently as adults because I'm a boy and she's a girl. My sister benefits the most from that but she's slowly also seeing things from my point of view. At least my mum knows from her own troubled upbringing that dads treat their sons very differently to their daughters. He sees me as challenging him whenever I show I know something he doesn't and he's always screamed at me at various times that as he's older than me, he's automatically smarter and wiser. I rarely engage now. I just let him talk and pass on his flawed and incomplete knowledge. I let him believe I'm helpless just to keep the peace.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your willingness to share so vulnerably that you can relate to experiencing this with your own father. Sending a lot of love to your and your inner child who has had to endure so much❤

[@karinastryjkowska7517]

ALL OF THEM are valid in my case..and I am 49...and I just want to live in peace and have a quiet mind.. Furthest from people..the better

[@suellarussell1]

Having recognized my mother wound several years ago- I hadn’t realized how deep my father wound was. My father worked so hard and was not present a lot, so even though I have good memories of him when he was around- my needs were definitely not met by my dad. But both my parents were so heavily conditioned by living g through the depression with parents who didn’t show them how to love, I understand they didn’t know how to give the love I needed. I so appreciate the wisdom you share in the these videos that help the collective to heal. 💛🙏🏼

[@kathsmith4749]

Resonates strongly with me, especially the rage cycles. Really looking forward to the next video about addressing this issue. Thank you for sharing your work. It is so very important in breaking these generational wounds. ❤

[@Amanda.0317]

My father was abusive and explosive when he was around, which was sparsley. My parents divorced when i was 3 because his abuse and rage and he didnt work to provide for us, my mother also had spiraling rage fits too. We had a cps restraining order. He didnt try to fix anything he just straight up abandoned us went back home to Algeria 🇩🇿 and got remarried and called us years later. Ive always struggled with these wounds. Thanks for making these videos

[@MC-vd5kp]

Going back to Algeria to marry a culturally compliant woman. No surprise there. Extra thorough screening is a requirement for Middle Eastern men BEFORE marriage to Western women.

[@MariaJimenez-ye9sn]

​@@MC-vd5kpabsolutely!!!!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Thank you for your presence and willingness to share how you can relate. Sending much love to you and little Amanda ❤

[@TeaPea-jq4ib]

Very informative. There is also the trauma of having a father with substance abuse addiction. That thrown in with these other variables discussed here, compounds the father wound exponentially.

[@annaberstein]

Five and a half out of six. I find having a label for this really helpful. Part of the problem is putting the issues into words. Father wound is a great start. I look forward to part two. Thank you so much.

[@ellesutopia]

I thought all men were like my dad and those that hung out with our family until I married a guy just like them and saw how dysfunctional their ways are. Now divorced, my healing begins.

[@Sweepee-v2v]

Great, you're getting out of it. Why hang around, hoping the cold-hearted will ever warm up 😅 there's a great man out there for you. ✨️

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Really appreciate you sharing your experience! ❤

[@Ratinevo]

It’s funny how this opened my eyes too. It’s quite an experience.

[@username27328]

"Invalidated Realities" Great phrase. What is the effect of a parent validating Realities? What does it look like? What's an effective way of doing this as a parent?

[@jacquelinesmith1143]

Most heard statement in my house growing up..."spot crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

[@robertkhaev9929]

I asked chat gpt for the best channel on youtube that can help me through traumas that i was not aware of so that i could help myself and make sure that my 7 and 4 year old daughters are as equipped as possible for the rest of their lives and this is the channel that was recommended. I am so glad i found your channel because after watching just this one video i am hooked and will tackle this journey with your page as my guide.

[@ChristyQQ1]

Lived in fear all the time, wasnt allowed to express any emotion, not even cough if you had a cold. No encouragement and impossible expectations you'd never meet. Ridiculed and made fun of for an eye issue, how i walked, how I stood, how i did everything. Threatened with violence on a regular basis, verbally abused. Nothing i did was ever good enough and i was just treated as a non-entity. Have struggled throughout my life with mental health difficulties and when I've been at low points he said, what a thing to do to spite your father. Never asked why, just all about him. Several times since aged 11 and in my 50s now. He's in his 80s and I'm done with trying to gain any acceptance from him. I struggle but I'm resilient and just keep going despite dark days at times. This video i can relate to every single thing. Thank you.

[@annaolsson5441]

All of them , it was also difficult since he had not only rage spirals but charm spirals.

[@BarbaraM-lv7pe]

Oh, that’ll keep you on unstable footing! You never know what you’re going to get, with him. That’s called “Love-Bombing” and can be a narcissistic trait!

[@annaolsson5441]

@@BarbaraM-lv7pe Exactly 💯 and gaslighting, lies.

[@SunShine2024-t2w]

This is spot on 100%.This really resonates with me and provides more of the missing pieces of the puzzle.Thank you

[@venture3486]

So resonated with what you said. My father physically provided for us but was not there for us emotionally. This was also his experience with his father. You especially caught my attention by mentioning fathers who compare bodies and associate physical beauty with worth. This alone caused so much hurt to me and others in my family. I appreciate you for this video and many others I have watched and been helped by!

[@the_p.p.e.]

Every one resonated. I could have written that list. I've subscribed (all notifications) to your channel for well over a year, but haven't seen any of your videos for moons. I've cried until I can't cry any more. Much needed tension release.

[@tess7798]

4/6 here. At 63 years old, I desperately want to heal, and hope that it’s not too late 🙏🏻 Looking forward to the next video in the series!

[@LimitlessThinker]

All of this happened to me. I left home at 16. Thankfully, my friends had kind adults that gave me shelter.

[@JohnTheRevelator11]

All. All of them. My husband I have all of these. Thank you friend-

[@suprithAnCom]

My father was a workholic. He still is. that had big impact on me growing up. As a kid, I always used to study, like 24 7, mostly inherited from him. That made me skinny, weak & lacking in social skills.. He's also a stingy miser & that miserliness has crept into me too. Recently, I didn't visit a doctor early for a health issue & that resulted in worsening of it & ended up in surgery & so much pain.. it was totally preventable if I had seeked early treatment.

[@BengisuAyse]

or sometimes you lose them at your development stage so he doesn't even have to be absent in all of these. in my case, I lost him when I was 8. tried to heal the effects this loss had on me but now at the age of 33, I still see I can't completely get over the things he did when he was alive, or with the life that came after he passed away.

[@Vulture-88]

Thank you. I'm 60. 4 of these resonate with me.

[@Justagirlok101]

When the wound has been left gaping open for 12 years because he doesn’t even acknowledge me anymore. Living his new best life with his wife and their child. Me and my grandkids are something he pretends don’t exist. After all that abuse all my life. But I couldn’t even call abuse out because he was a good ‘provider’ . My dad was the first man to break my heart.

[@ZacandDora]

This is very hard to watch and hear. But it needs healing. Self parenting and healing the inner child is key. 🙏❤️

[@matikramer9648]

I do resonate And since I'm 64 now, I understand much more and why Thank you

[@NeferkaMichael]

Thank you Beautiful HolisticPsychBabe!

[@carahenken4452]

My father did so much damage to me, but now i have learnt to detach myself from it, and realise that it is his problem not mine. I am learning to nurture and value myself and understand that this person does not define who i am.

[@haihai5293]

Sadly i resonate. Thank you very much for video.

[@mountainmama9209]

Thank you so much for your work, Dr. LePera. Wow. I resonate with each and every point here. Unfortunately, I married a watered down version of my raging alcoholic father and am trying to do-parent our child with him, so that the cycle can finally break and emotional health will have half a chance. If work such as yours was available when I was 20, and starting my life as a deeply traumatised young woman, I may have begun to heal straight away and have let go of the shame and stigma I carried from having grown up with two alcoholic and narcissistic parents. It’s never too late to heal, and I’m learning to have compassion for my younger self. She was ill prepared for life and, somehow, managed to survive and thrive. I just started reading your latest book, How to Be the Love You Seek. What a gift!

[@mementomorimary]

Thank you for your work doctor, I can relate to a couple of these, it really helps to understand

[@angelapellino885]

I resonate with all the points mentioned…looking forward to the next video, thank you 🙏

[@carograce4111]

You forgot the Father that walked away from your Mom when you were little, and you never heard from him again......THAT IS a also a Father wound

[@Tre7650]

Yes! I was looking for this comment! I only have like one memory of my father.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Yes, it most certainly is. ❤

[@Carrie-sgda]

She mentioned that by saying "or a father that isn't around" this is a general video she isn't going to go deep into every possible situation

[@oliverbird6914]

Utterly devastating. Like a black hole.

[@BarbaraM-lv7pe]

This should be addressed specifically for those wounded thus. Not around can mean busy working overtime to put food on the table.

[@babycakes8434]

I never wanted to proove to him that I am better. I just had to work most of my life to proove to myself that I can be better, because my selfesteem was non-existent. He was very capable of showing love and affection to his golden child, but not me. Growing up I was trying to be the best that I can be, but it didn't matter, like I didn't existed untill I was 18years old. I am sure he would be more satisfied if I was just another looser, and suck at life, so he could treat me like a victim, but also secretly knowing that his golden child does better than me. By 18y.o I was already done and so hurt and resentfull, that I didn't want anything anymore. I still don't want anything. I just want to be left in peace, and alone.

[@intrinsicfreedom]

I very much feel you. I spend a lot of time alone and, frankly, it's become increasingly joyful over the years. Practicing methods for relaxing my mind has done wonders. I've kept up various methods of meditation for several decades and I am SO MUCH more at ease with myself, investing my heart and mind and emotional energy into relaxing my mind has taken over most of the my angry reviewing, analyzing, and "internal fighting" with a deep father wound. I think my dad projected much of his self-loathing onto me. Lovely, but I realize now that i can change my focus by focusing on a single breath, footstep, tree leaves shifting with the breeze, or almost anything else in the moment. My best to you.

[@aaronjohn6586]

The challenge for me is to not relate to the world from that wounded place. It's really painful to see the effect that "wounding" has had on my own mental and physical well being. Let alone my way of being in the world and relating to others. I have to say to myself over and over again "All is well, you have a different choice to make, you are NOT your father. When he died I didn't go to his funeral nor do I miss him.

[@Rob_132]

Sorry man. Must have been a tough relationship with your father. Sounds like you are taking responsibility for your healing. When I see the word wounded I think of the idea of the “wounded healer.” I know we don’t want to always be reacting to the world as a hurt animal, but I think there is a time and place for our wounded-ness to show our humanity. Would you agree or not really? I also have to frequently remind myself, I’m ok. I’m safe. I’m an adult. Because I can go into the fight/flight/fawn response. Then I beat myself up for doing so. Living as an adult with childhood trauma is freakin difficult. Makes me angry.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

This is a powerful mantra you live life by now. It's completely ok + understandable that you made the choice to not go to his funeral or miss him. Thank you for sharing.

[@BarbaraM-lv7pe]

I live in the now, for the most part, with him. I don’t sit down and turn over rocks with him about the past. I am respectful, however if he does get micro-managing or snippy, I call him out on it. Appreciate the good and do not put up with the poor behavior. I treat all family this way; some fail to appreciate it ;)

[@RespectAndLoveAndPeaceWins]

Thank you. Looking forward to your next video. 🌻

[@D_B6]

Dr. LePera, you're describing the whole of English society! It just struck me that I have seen this vary often from child to child of the same family!

[@lmariecarroll]

Literally all the above.

[@Jennifer-vk4jc]

I can’t help but cry when I see dads protecting and being soft and gentle with their daughters (real life/shows). Mine treated me like a boy, emotionally hard and harsh with physical violence when he would rage. Always told my mom she was fat. He went through hell surviving WWII and coming to America with the clothes off his back. My grandpa got buried alive twice and became a POW (forced to serve for Germany). They had been through it- rebuilding a life multiple times in different countries. I still struggle with being in my masculine and protecting myself. I can flip from feminine to masculine real quick when I feel threatened. Some wounds need a ‘divine’ partner to help heal them... I feel this is one. Finally attracting much better quality men after doing lots of work. Less predators more protectors. Sometimes my mom would defend me and sometimes she would tell me I deserved it while she watched him beat me into submission… nearly 40 and I continue to heal. Triangulation was big in our family- passing the blame and persecuting.

[@carograce4111]

Thank you Nicole for seeing & hearing me ❤ Love your very nourishing work ❤

[@EvrenAlyx-fk7rv]

Been waiting for this one!! Thank you!

[@KCAtarot]

This describes my mother to the T. I’ve often said “my mommy was my daddy” and now I totally know what I meant by that. My father was my nurturer in every way. He saved my life and gave me hope that respect, healing, nurturing, emotional intelligence and self-love were possible. Thank god for my male “mommy” that helped to balance out the deeeeep shame that was programmed into me at a very young age.

[@Art.Magick]

This is so great and makes a lot of sense. I would add "being absent" to the list. I know you mentioned it but it seems to be very so common, for myself and many of my friends at least.

[@leirepacio3236]

I've never felt identified with one of your videos so much until this one. I feel identified with each and every one of the points... Thank you very much for the video and i would thank you a lot lot if you made that next video

[@nomegalljcsak]

I resonate with the first four results. I adored and loved my dad very much. Unfortunately he and my mum had loads of fights during their marrige - there were shouting and throwing plates. Usually my dad started shouting, my mum cryed, then she throw plates at him. I was like 5-7 I remember these situations, but I’m sure these happened before me being able to remember it. My dad started to cheat on my mum when I was 6 and barely at home. They would have gotten a divorce sooner or later, but my dad died when I was 10. My little brother was only 2 at the time. All my life I’ve been attracted to 20 years older men. Only the past half year, when I’ve started my healing journey can I understand why I act this way. It will be a long journey and I’m 42, single, no kids. Your videos have been a huge help. ❤ ~ Sue ~

[@barbarafreitas239]

I am surprised not to see more videos about adults that never had parents; most videos are about the result of bad parenting on children when they grow up. How about kids raised by themselves due so many different circumstances, foster kids, kids living with grandparents doing the bare minimum for them, and etc. Resuming, kids with no guidance, support and affection. I Love your videos and just recently purchased your book 📕 ❤

[@the.toxic.phoenix]

What if you have a father and mother wound? 😔

[@you_jay]

Then you're completely fucked just like myself

[@beccah2u]

This….

[@coolchameleon21]

suffer

[@Shelanaony]

Thank you for sharing this information 🙏🏽. I realized a while back that this wound had a lot to do with who I was and who I attracted. I have enjoyed roles in service because I empathize with others.

[@barbarazorman5177]

You are a blessing. You are so helpful. Thank you, so much. I am following you. You make my healing lighter 🙏❤️

[@aue1214]

Every single point perfectly describes my mother 🙃

[@tribecalledmaya]

this means she lies stagnant in her toxic masculine energy, we all have feminine & masculine energy.

[@Irememberhuggabunches]

I’ve put together a plausible explanation for my father’s way of being. He lost his mother at 16, and his father was an alcoholic/rageaholic; I can’t imagine he was allowed to grieve much, and I could see him hating women after that. He was an abusive alcoholic with my mom and brother ( I think I just stayed to myself). I haven’t spoken directly to him in over 20 years. Sent him a letter a decade ago with no response. Anger was always easy to access in regard to him, and then numbness. I just had an experience a few weeks ago where I got to see and appreciate the limited love he could give, it feels huge being able to see him in the full light of all of him.

[@IlakkiyaVenkatc2n3y]

I knew it all applied right from the thumbnail, looking forward to the next video!

[@tamarapower6553]

My Dads Father wasn't there for him and his Mom died when he was 7. He drank and partied through out his life and I know he loved me and he never was angry around me but he was always gone and I spent my life taking care of him. I never felt like I was anything to anyone but my Dad truly loved me so I don't know how to process this. I stay to myself and have no friends or family so I'm a little lonely but it could be worse. Thank you for this video ❤

[@tamarapower6553]

Oh by the way I have no money for any programs so if that's what this is never mind

[@sharynbailey4235]

My adoptive father was an alcoholic. He drank 6 days a week, and spent Sundays very quietly watching documentaries on television. I would sit beside him longing for connection but it never came. The situation was super complicated by the fact that when he was sober he was the loveliest, gentlest and most caring person, however when he was drunk he was cruel, nasty and spent a lot of time yelling. I was so wounded by his behaviour during the week that even though I still wanted/needed to connect with him at my core, I didn't trust him b/c I'd been so hurt by his behaviour during the week. He did sober up after retirement - without any outside assistance but I believe simply b/c he could focus on creative projects. Unfortunately there was so much water under the bridge by that time it was not possible to connect in the way I would have liked I realise now b/c there was so attempt at repair. All the years of that dysfunction was just shoved under the carpet like everything else in my childhood home.

[@emanuelagollin4718]

Tick, tick and tick...Looking forward to the next video.

[@oteritis]

he pasado por todas las situaciones que describes en la lista con mi padre. mi madre terminó suicidándose a mis 23 años. me doy cuenta que sigo pidiédole el afecto que nunca me dio a él y al resto de las personas. recién hoy descubro que debo buscar mi apoyo en mi interior. y dejar ir a mis padres . incluso sentí por mucho tiempo que mis hijas estaban cuidándome a mí y no al revés como debía ser. hoy puedo sentir como crezco y tomo el lugar que quería tener como mujer y como profesional. gracias por tu apoyo. seguiré aprendiendo de tus mensajes. 🥰

[@gracieb.3054]

So...when did you meet my father?

[@elisabethhughes6005]

Must’ve been right around when she met mine. We owe the Dr a good bottle of something.

[@MotocrossElf]

I definitely have a father wound, although my father didn't fit the overbearing profile of a typical man, so this list only partially matches up & there were aspects missing. My takeaway is that our parents can struggle in various ways that can be wounding to us as children, but they don't all fit the typical patterns.

[@austincde]

Whenever people are upset or in distress (kids or adults) I become irritated & I hate it, people should be able to feel sad without being rejected. I'm not good at comforting people, so I usually just distance myself from them.

[@yukio_saito]

I resonate with it. Looking forward to the next video.

[@Hannahshoes-z5y]

This was so practical and helpful although very triggering.

[@jbdsvld8175]

When I was young I remember I consciously decided to emotionally distance myself from my father due to his anger outbursts and emotional instability. So definitely a wound here. But the years have shown me he tried the best he could. He just didn’t know better.

[@uniquerebeljaney3639]

I definitely have a father wound, I got a full house. The last thing my dad said to me before he died was, "You're useless." I spent the week before his funeral rushing around, making sure everything was perfect, and how he would have wanted it, I only realised years later that I was still trying to make him proud of me even after he'd died.

[@lilylove-psychicreader8803]

Thank you for the 2 videos you sent me they are so funny I know so many people who are just like that in real life I couldn't leave comments on those videos, so I found this one I listen to this one too and it's all so true you are so good at reading people

[@weee2861]

I relate to the majority of what you said. Thank you, this video came just on time🙂

[@kaylac4118]

At 40 years old, I have a very limited relationship with my father despite living in the same household. I can understand why he is the way he is- I have never heard my father say he loves me or is proud of me, and I have no memory of him ever hugging me or showing affection. I have also never seen my father cry or show much emotion aside from anger. He provided for me physically and financially and saw that as his role for his children. He is mimicking the way both his parents raised him. Although I understand, I still carry a father wound and it hurts 😢. I am so jealous of women and girls who have good relationships with their fathers. Edit: I wrote this message before even watching the video and feel like now I’ve watched the video, it’s everything I thought.

[@tmbraga25]

Wow, this hits a lot of marks. thank you

[@Tilly236]

My father was the 'safe' parent when I was young, though he rarely protected me from the abuse of my stepmother and stepbrother. There was rarely praise or hugs though. As I became an adult he became manipulative because he didn't like me leaving him behind, living my own life and not being under his control. I ended up really disliking him. That father wound led to abusive, neglectful relationships with men.

[@TheMarihifenanna]

All of the above. On top of that, he got extremely disabled over the years, and that put me in a place of being his caretaker starting in my early teens (I had to share the “burden” with my mom who was working full-time). He NEVER talked to me. He was too deep in his self-pity. I was either commanded around or dismissed. I had to make myself invisible not to get targeted by his rage. That screwed every attempt at romantic relationships I tried to have. Unbelievable!

[@sweetvictory3100]

Dealing with it now as an adult, I have yet to find anyone make a video about being stuck in a situation like mine...with their adult father as an adult themselves, chronically ill and having to depend on them because you're ex spouse has left you, the ex-spouse and the dad have a lot of similarities and I'm reliving trauma every single day that I'm in this situation, my dad does not want me and I have to see and hear him treat my other two siblings totally different than me on a daily basis as I'm dying, he doesn't even seem to care, Im a burden to him, my heart is in pieces, the situation is making me sicker, I wouldn't even be here if I didn't lose everything due to my health and my ex-spouse leaving me for dead, when you're slowly dying, you would think your family would be there for you, I feel like that little girl that just wants and needs her dad because truly I do because I can't take care of myself like I used to when I was healthy, I don't get a ton from him because he doesn't want anything to do with this situation, so there is emotional neglect as well as some physical, I can't do this, both of my parents though not together, have thrown me away as I've gotten sicker, I never had a relationship really with either one but it's definitely gotten worse since I can't be like everybody else, this is extremely painful and terrifying to go through

[@MariaJimenez-ye9sn]

I don't know what country are you writing from but get help outside your family. You seem to be able to write, I am sure you can get help. Best of luck.

[@SP-ml3bs]

I have a major father wound because he would go into rage spirals and yell at my brother, mom and I. He would also hit us. I tried hard to please him and to not make him angry but he was unpredictable. As an adult, I finally realized he was an alcoholic and probably had untreated PTSD (has served in the military.) Growing , I blamed myself for his anger but therapy helped me to realize it had nothing to do with me and more about him and his unhealed trauma. I finally forgave him before he died 7.5 years ago.

[@shelleycharlesworth5177]

My father loved me and was wonderful the first 10 years of my life. I have great memories of him. THEN his career disappointments and health issues caused him to problem drink. This progressed to alcoholic Drinking. When he was drunk he was nasty and critical-yelling and displayed just ugly behavior that frightened and confused me. How could this loving man change so fast? He died of a heart attack when I was 14. From ages 10-14 I lived in a world of hurt and confusion. When he died I could not even cry I was just glad he was gone. As a result, I did not trust boys or men. Any boy of man who wanted to date me had to be put to the tests.

[@robinmoore4841]

I unfortunately have a father wound. Didn’t realize I had it, but I’m living with my parents momentarily while looking for a place with my two small children and this is the most toxic environment for us. I really hate it.