Things You Wouldn't Hear at a School Assembly - Mock the Week - Series 10 Episode 1 - BBC Two

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Watch the BBC first on iPlayer 👉 bbc.in/iPlayer... More about this programme: www.bbc.co.uk/p... Topical comedy. Dara O Briain and the team return for another series of mockery with guests Chris Addison, Greg Davies, Milton Jones and Seann Walsh.
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[@mariasmith9203]

"A word about registers, most of the staff are on one" LMAO

[@spacedustandplanets7901]

Maria Smith i heard that on and went DAMNNMNN

[@vinylhedgehog5574]

Every time I hear a joke by Greg Davies regarding school I usually assume they were things he did or heard of while he was a teacher.

[@Joliver42]

vinyl hedgehog iii

[@andyfulton9603]

He was head of 6th form in the inbetweeners

[@kjamison5951]

I wonder if some of them are things he did as a child... he has admitted some truly weird things on Would I Lie To You?

[@TheDepressedChemist]

ThatAryanGuy head of 6th form

[@orlandogrant5182]

vinyl hedgehog he actually does play a headmaster

[@jaffatumbletoncatface5326]

My favourite part of all these videos is when two people try to go at the same time, and it turns into a face off.

[@AutisticPersona]

Chris: I've had all your mums. I'm just waiting for someone to reply with "I've had all your dads"

[@jaggass]

AutisticPersona Frankie Boyle?

[@AutisticPersona]

I wish..:P

[@abulato]

MSK1984 I’ve had all your nans

[@sonnytaylor7606]

Holy Water! 🤦🏻‍♂️😭😂

[@NateSean]

You know I love you, but you shouldn't call me daddy while we're in school. Especially since you're the maths teacher and I'm the headmaster.

[@TheNukedNacho]

The nonchalance of how Milton delivers his jokes is gold

[@katkin_24]

The only way to improve it was if Greg Davies said McKenzie after one of his

[@jackbutler354]

Yes that would've been _PERFECT_

[@Human-kk6yo]

Completely unrelated - is the Pretty. Odd album cover your profile picture?

[@katkin_24]

Fat Cat Slim yep

[@Human-kk6yo]

@@katkin_24 Awesome 😂

[@bobbyreed7406]

Would whoever's milkshake is bringing all the boys to the yard, please stop it.

[@44ro.n]

Bobby Reed wow, you watched the video too?

[@xcool_dudex1238]

My milkshakes better than yours

[@Birchy]

The moment when Milton Jones walks up, and you know something amazing's going to be said any second...

[@batdragonpurple]

My entry: All exams are cancelled this year. The Goverment ran out of money.

[@Thenextworldwar]

You didn't learn anything anyway.

[@emilynoon5103]

Abigail Bridgett funny that is its actually true . that is why I think they changed the exam

[@cayley1022]

That actually happened when I was in middle school

[@Adam-yu1dv]

669th like, huh, that's rare

[@aster-tataricus]

Well, this aged _spectacularly._

[@duskodair309]

We hear a few of these in our assemblies. Our head of sixth form once waltzed into the common room shouting, ‘alright knobheads, time to do some work’.

[@jeniigal]

"Whoever's milkshake is bringing all the boys the yard, can they please stop it?" :')

[@Vetgo21]

"I've had all your mums" I couldn't stop laughing XD

[@amoosethatrants9720]

A quick word about registers - most of the staff are on one 😂😂😂😂

[@kaygow8184]

"A word about registers, most of the teachers are on one"

[@jaggass]

''if i see anyone involved in food fights id like to congratulate them the food tastes like shit anyway''

[@matteorizvi6469]

+michael jagger LOL So true!!!

[@jazzzyy13]

My old headteacher beat them all. "Respect is a six-letter word I know very well... why are you all laughing?" It was like a wave of hilarity as all the clever kids started laughing and everyone else counted 'respect' on their fingers and then realised...

[@JoeBleasdaleReal]

Richard Poowilly 😂😂😂😂

[@apnoakes]

Seann Walsh is hilarious. Saw him live at Up the Creek in Greenwich, just brilliant.

[@A_T-]

Entry - please welcome our guest speaker - Mr Bill Cosby

[@TumbleDwarf]

Milton Jones is great.

[@WaterBaby127]

'I've had all your mums'-Hahaha, Chris Addison is brilliant!

[@scifiguy9000]

My entry: Those who fail exams will risk Crucifixion.

[@valeveira]

* Has the last name Williams and Is a lesbian*

[@ytuserinfinite]

Jessica Williams oh boo hoo. get over yourself.

[@valeveira]

Harry Abbas I wasn't even complaining tf

[@Thenextworldwar]

Heh.

[@elizabethorla3700]

Jessica Williams no one cares

[@thegoombrat8198]

So are you going to tell us why you're a lesbian or...

[@prestigeworldwideyoutube288]

Is that mister Gilbert from the inbetweeners

[@Adam-ic5rp]

Yes

[@swtrains1499]

Prestige worldwide KZbin just realised 😂

[@conorhilliard1559]

I'd like you all to congratulate Samantha on her eighteenth birthday. *pause* And if Samantha could come to my office after assembly, I have a special gift prepared...

[@spreadingthedrewth4643]

Conor Hilliard 18????

[@chilliard120]

If one sexual partner is in a position of pastoral care (i.e. teacher) the age of consent is 18, not 16.

[@beethreefour]

Doesnt work in a school setting mate. You leave school at 16.

[@p.m.a]

i am the master of the wicket unless you stay for sixth form

[@beethreefour]

P.M.A school and sixth form are two separate entities

[@ellenmelon771]

OMG, loves the bit where Seann Walsh was like: Please welcome... Richard Poowilly! XD xXx

[@samjohnson3368]

Gilbert. GILBERT!

[@ThePs3GAMEr2001]

Sam Johnson phil

[@ssssjxd]

"Word about registers.. most of the staff are on one" ..I laughed out loud.

[@lucadynamo3758]

Funny story- in my final year at grammar school, I saw the registers for the year 7 induction day, and one of them said 'William Wang'

[@silvasilvasilva]

Poor sod.

[@SeetherFan666]

hugh dennis' interactive whiteboard joke, definetily my favourite on this episode :D

[@bronan4775]

My Entry: Alright class give a warm welcome to your new classmates Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.

[@ProfessorPiesworth]

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting boys and girls I've just had a sh*t the size of a baby seal" :L the amount of times I've repeated that bit hahahahahaha

[@samjoshi1812]

Lol imagine a hybrid surname: *10 years later* "Today class I would like you to welcome our new student; Johnny Wang-Curr".

[@samanthacostanza441]

I heard interactive white boy. Not white board.

[@Katiekooleyes]

+Samantha Costanza That wouldn't make an awful lot of sense in the context of the joke now, would it.

[@gwishart]

Most white boys are interactive; unless they're dead or in a coma.

[@mesomeone2094]

I've got one: "Today at Columbine High School we welcome a new boy! The headmaster has asked me to give him a warm welcome which is why you're all armed with flame throwers".

[@peterburke1709]

Greg in Mr Gilbert mode again lol

[@KahnuevsKrake]

"But sir, shouldn't you have used a cucumber?" I love how Andy almost burst out laughing whe he was saying it.

[@Meemzeesh]

omfg i lost it at "today in the after school club, we'll be using papier mache models of a mum who loves you enough to pick you up at 3"

[@mrpuntrd1980]

My teachers names are ms wang and mr kerr and they are actually dating

[@LaraTang]

mrpuntrd1980 hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

[@Will-fq8wb]

mrpuntrd1980 no I'm not!

[@Sergeantmajormario]

There was a kid in my class called Paul Cock, ironically no one mentioned it, however they did focus on my name as my last name is Williams

[@przemeklis1284]

Ye thats bullshit and the fact that you had some kid with bo3 gameplay and someone who is subscriped to ninja pretend to be your teacher is sad, incredibally sad

[@alfiefryer1399]

Richard poo willy lol

[@alihiggins-i6f]

0:55 this one really spoke to me 😂😂

[@SkateboardIssie]

My second year science teacher was called Mr. Kerr. His first name is apparently Wane, lol! True story

[@zaptrollwen]

My entry: I've heard that someone has been taking alcohol into school. Why aren't you sharing?

[@KitsuneProject]

"Would The Head like to quit his job and return to Art Attack?"

[@Julocity]

Haha Milton is especially funny in this one!

[@donster13-_61]

My left ear really loved this video

[@ProfessorHeavyTF2]

Greg seems oddly fitting for this because of his previous role in The Inbetweeners. And his role in Taskmaster also makes this sorta fitting.

[@GPH1403]

Professor Heavy he also used to be a teacher

[@izzy1933]

Professor Heavy yeah that's what I thought

[@blaqkhavok35]

And he plays a drama teacher in the show Man Down too

[@RacingAtHome]

"Please put your hands together for Teacher of the Year Greg Davies!"

[@kjamison5951]

A variation on Hugh’s : “During the summer holidays, Miss Wang married Mr Kerr. She has decided not to take a double-barrelled surname.”

[@ellenkingsley]

"Sorry I'm late I had a run in with a white board it told me to fuck off" lol

[@michaeljagger7673]

''hope i get a pay rise for teaching scousers''

[@spacewed6353]

2:26 If Murdoc Niccals was the headteacher at a school

[@MegaEBoy]

Richard. Poowilly. XD I lol'd SOO HARD

[@Michelle_Schu-blacka]

I was waiting for the inevitable paedophile joke.😂😂😂

[@MexicanChili96]

"Special announcement folks, Mrs Jones will no longer be running the sex ed classes anymore, as she has been replaced by a new member of staff. Please give a warm welcome to Mr Garry Glitter"

[@HeidiJ77]

Any chance of uploading the second part of this, the unlikely things to hear in a talent show?? Seann Walsh's impression of Michael McIntyre was spot on!! Hilarious!

[@2greatcamp]

LOL who's ever milkshake is bringing all the boys to the yard please stop it! LOL

[@Stoneman180190]

‘I’d like to say happy 18th birthday to Samantha Thomas, come into my office after school I have a special gift for you.

[@bilboswaggins4983]

Best segment ever

[@faithbirdnest]

RICHARD POO-WILLY!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha

[@YogSothoth24601]

Heeeelp, It's 5:30 AM and I can't stop watching these guys!

[@TheTradge]

LOL, Seann Walsh's second joke cracked me up, i love immature humour! =P

[@Wattywatasaurus]

Welcome to boarding school. Today, we will be learning about why your mummy and daddy have no problems making you live in a virtual prison, but will get up in arms the moment they hear someone is sending their dog to the Kennels when they go on holiday.

[@KurtCobainsMicrophone]

HAHAHAHAHA THE WHITE BOARD THING WAS GENIUS!!

[@MrAaron1573]

I like on Seann Walsh's joke he gets some laughs, then Milton Jones comes next and the crowd roars!

[@DezzaManezza154]

"A word about registers, er most of the staff, are on one" - genius :)

[@KitsuneProject]

"Put Your Tallywacker Away, Your In Class, Not Your Bedroom"

[@DaveWhid]

Glad to see Mock The Week back on the TV

[@corriedebeer799]

no Peter you cannot whip cream in the new Home industries teachers class-room

[@thespasticmushroom]

seann welsh's joke at the end legendary

[@blah8369]

finnaly! a good quality recording!!

[@Onslaught17]

“Richard Poowilly”

[@chaarbie]

Literally love Seann

[@Neags]

Mr Gilbert is still in character!

[@Irishcooper2k11]

love this

[@wainwrightj08]

Hugh Dennis is amazing. :D

[@Lollocide]

The register joke was the best.

[@EdeLovesGerrard]

0:32.. LOOOLLLL i love how he asks so formally. "i've just had a shit the size of a baby seal" LMFAOO. that got me crying.

[@FOOTYMTW]

i love the whiteboard one lol

[@changvasejarik62]

my entry: something that's actually interesting.

[@jonny2k100]

Hugh Dennis is a hero. " Sorry I had a run in with an interactive whiteboard. It told me to fuck off" then there was " Mr WAN married Miss KER. His nick name will remain the same :) lmfao again

[@chrisgarton4225]

Now here’s your new favorite mascot Bernie the Bookmark!

[@andrewbrown34]

Favourite is definetely the one about registers lol

[@kooora18]

"Would whoever milkshake is bringing all the boys to the yard please stop it!"

[@flyawaytodie]

"I've had all your mums!" That could be a lowkey flex from the principle, perhaps!

[@Walshy94]

Would've been a perfect chance to call him Mr Gilbert haha

[@andrewdavies15]

milton jones and hugh dennis are the funniest XD (and also frankie boyle!)

[@steph9799]

The paper mache one killed me

[@KayleighNatasha]

''A word about registers, most of the staff are on one''

[@quarkmatt85]

Well the inbetweeners guy is there

[@StephenStepz]

1 reason why I love Chris Addison, plain and simple "I've had all your mums" xD

[@mesomeone2094]

Miatta :) Its to do with the fact that a couple of years back when this was filmed there was an outbreak of the e.coli disease in a shipment of German Cucumbers and bean sprouts

[@mandyroxurworld]

Milton Jones XD just brilliant

[@thetrueincarnation]

i shouldnt start watching these. theyre addictive. ive got to be up at 7am tomorrow im going to be here all night now.

[@shady11ification]

it would be funny to hear them give an assembly it would be awesome.

[@ellenmelon771]

Hahahahahaha loved the Mr Wan and Miss Ker joke!!!!! XD

[@TheVJackV]

My right ear enjoyed this video.

[@OfficialLyriac]

Milton is just so pro at one liners.

[@theolav12]

Pumped up kicks?

[@maxbushballity]

greg davies and chris addison are legends