Re-Parenting - Part 33 - Self-Harm

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Why do people self-harm? For most, it is a temporary solution to their emotional pain. Sadly, it doesn't resolve their pain and ends up creating greater pain. What tools can a person learn so that they no longer need to self-harm? And how should we respond to someone who is involved in self-harm behaviour?
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[@bebaaskaful]

Dear Tim, ypu are one of the rare person who has understanding for CPTSD. I feel sick when medical comunity stays in realm that people who self harm uses that kind of coping strategy to manipulate others. It is not truth, amd I know it because I live with BPD my whole life. Born as sensitive child with mother who has NPD and father who has BPD. Transgeneration trauma. People dont see it as cry for help, they see it as we are crazy. Toxic Shame is the driving mechanism in BPD. I was emotionaly neglected child. And the point is that emotional abuse is so subtle because you cant easy see it as physical. I didnt cut, but I had suicidal thoughts scince young child. I used recless driving, sex, hiperactivity, working whole day to not feel emptiness inside. I started my journey of healing and Im alone. I have few friends who understand amd God bless them for being support for me. I lost many people because I was hijecked amd didnt want to push it down. It was a road of agoraphobia, insomnia, constant panic atacks, not eating... I got threw this hell wothout medications because they couldnt help me. It lasted for two years. Im better now, amd still working on my CPTSD, because behaviour is always, and I mean always driven by deep unresolved pain. Feel the pain, heal inner child, heal youre heart, amd then you can handle something called BPD. I wish that all the people understand how pervasive early trauma is in human personality and behaviour. More and more people like you, Dr Gabor Mate, Peter Levine, Kathy Kane can chnage the society. Our job is to do inner work. Hard work but worth

[@Muck-qy2oo]

True, I also feel like this man reads and knows me personally while not having met him ever. He really knows what he's talking about!

[@mark-931]

This video brought tears to my eyes. That was the only way I had to show my mom how much I was suffering. I didn’t want her to help me or to stop the pain, I just wanted her to say “I see u. I understand. Come here, I want u to stay close to me” She did nothing cause she couldn’t understand. Btw Tim knows exactly what he is talking about

[@ts3858]

What about self -harm to 'beat someone else to the punch expecting ppl to attack/harm them...for a sense of 'control'? I feel like I can be in control of my own pain and I've achieved my 'quota for the day'...😓😭

[@arjulala]

For someone who has self harmed to no limit, I could not stop crying hearing this...

[@JF098]

I traded emotional pain for physical pain.

[@Alex-bb9lc]

I'm so sorry my friend. God bless. 🤍🤍🤍

[@rahrahrah8405]

I started doing this when I was 9. I'm turning 30 next month. Shit never ends.

[@carolemitchell1967]

This also my experience.

[@Alex-bb9lc]

I'm sorry my friend. You are not alone.

[@MatthewReturns]

Couldn't self harm be a simplified version of self sabotage?

[@JF098]

No.

[@stephoniemack4939]

What is that word Tim used, similar to homeostasis but more focused on returning to a normal EMOTIONAL state? Maybe it started with the letter "i"

[@damienpace7350]

This seems too permissive an approach to self-harm. Surely its right to sometimes say that certain things are just not ok.

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

It's definitely not ok, but there is a solid reason for it. No normal healthy child with a functional family would ever do it, or ever even think of doing it.

[@JF098]

You're conflating empathy and understanding with permission.

[@capleosag]

I pull my hair out since I was 2 years old. Please please please help me, I don't want to be like this anymore. It's killing me. I am 30 years old. I am afraid this will be my life sentence.

[@age93]

The most painful memory around self harm for myself was the time my mother walked in on me in the middle of cutting myself and just looked at my arm, my face, and then left. Self harm was the comfort I didn't receive in a sense. I began self harming around the age of 10. I figured if my dad can hurt me then I might as too. It become severe around 11 and remained a regular habit until i was 18 and became pregnant. I had so much anger that I felt like exploding and it'd calm me down. Or I felt numb or needed a distraction from the emotional/mental pain or it was punishment.

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

Sorry about that. Similar experience, my mom walking in and being completely disgusted. I took the blame for everything in my whole dysfunctional abusive family. I don't talk to any of them anymore. Now I look back at what that poor little kid went through, and it's very sad. No kid should ever go through that. 💛

[@myphonyaccount]

Psychedelics done with THCA for anxiety and CBD for depression grow new neurons in pre frontal cortex to take the saddle off itself and put it back on the limbic brain.

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@mores5780]

I worked at a shelter where abused women sometimes did this. The psychologist said to ignore it especially if they sermed to want someone to see.

[@Alex-bb9lc]

Omg