How to kindly reject a romantic advance | Rejection-Sensitivity & Narcissism

[@graciehixson6994]

you're the KZbin therapist that we need but don't deserve. Thank you Dr. Grande

[@mdmmalou]

'..but we dont deserve..' Thats already an other rejection! 😂

[@octoberskye1049]

@@mdmmalou Aye, it is true! We are all wretched apologies. Not fit to glance upon the laces of Dr. Grande's boots! And yet... he appears before us. Lavishes advice apon our unworthy heads. Lo, we are but peasants *honored* by the grace of this most benevolent of Kings! ...and he's a darned good Psychologist, too. 🤣🐯

[@OnsceneDC]

@@mdmmalou I know! I think I'm deserving of such quality content! Oh wait, that was very narcissistic of me ;) LOL!

[@mdmmalou]

@@OnsceneDC Glad you've humor! 👍

[@dane2858]

Haha more like can’t afford 😭

[@JosephineWitch]

Rejection is hard, whether itself polite or not. but remaining respectful is less hurting.

[@OnsceneDC]

I always act polite, thank the person for their "kind interest" and then explain that I have to respectfully decline. I try to act flattered that they would show interest as not to upset them. Sometimes when they push back, I just have to tell them that "I can't". I used to overexplain, but I don't feel I owe anyone a reason, and it's disingenuous to lie. So I try to make it positive, but stay firm.

[@mirjanadolenec3099]

You're very right you don't owe anyone a reason.

[@OnsceneDC]

@@mirjanadolenec3099 I'm queen of overexplaining, and I used to do this a lot because I was uncomfortable. I think being polite, direct, and brief, conveys confidence, but also establishes clear boundaries.

[@trinity6764]

@@mirjanadolenec3099 Exactly .

[@punkybrewstar83]

@@OnsceneDC Yup- over-explaining over-disclosing queen over here too 😂😂😂

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Better that, than going nuclear, which seems to be the default response.

[@cbeautifulworld11]

From the vault of Dr. Grande's Deadpanisms😊: "Don't laugh hysterically." "Really, not laughing at all would be better." " 'I like your personality but I don't want someone who's unattractive.' Well, that's kind of mean, too." ^(Such dry wit! 😂 Only a monster or thoroughly non-empathic person would be so mean as to say that.)

[@nathankkarren5316]

I think, "I don't want to settle," takes the prize as the meanest possible thing to say to another person.

[@johnl5350]

Yep, that'd hurt me severely from someone I knew for a while and had reasons to think something was there.

[@NarcissisticAbuseRehab]

It’s refreshing to see a discussion around the topic of kindness.

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Agree

[@Rompler_Rocco]

I'll bet right now this video will get an enormous number of views and help a lot of people 👍

[@katiess9708]

I really appreciate that you emphasized kindness about this aspect of courtship. When someone rebuffs another in a cruel manner, it seems callously redundant, as they already have to accept rejection. So thank you for reminding us to maintain care and respect.

[@tracylynn1053]

I bump into a old school friend at the local sports field, he asked me out on a date and I was caught off guard. I did not say yes and then he started swearing and being derogatory about woman, he even started leaving messages at my work. He scared the heck out of me

[@ree8054]

The Gods of KZbin really blessed me with this channel popping up in my recommendations 🙏🏾

[@LuciaInman]

I think when people say “I'm sorry” after rejecting a date, they might just be sorry for hurting the person's feelings - not for rejecting the date itself. At least, that's the way I've used it in the past, but I'm not a native English speaker. The worst one is definitely “It's not you, it's me”. It's actually somewhat insulting to the other person's intelligence, because clearly, it's most likely not a true statement. And on top of that, you'd be expecting the other person to believe it. I agree that a clear rejection is a favor. It seems cruel to keep another person's hopes up for nothing.

[@loliemanda9025]

My used to tell my sisters and I to not even make eye contact with guys because they will get the wrong idea and think we are into them. That technique works with normal guys but will not repel aggressive overly confident ones. I’ve had a guy laugh at me after getting rejected and pretending as if it was all a joke. 😂

[@lidahall5928]

Before I saw this video, I was somewhat blissfully unaware that the many cruel ways to "turn someone down"/reject their advances were so commonly employed! I'm quite shocked, actually.

[@iurigrang]

Yeah, it's very common, and it hurts. I've even been ghosted right after the yes. What the heck was the point of that? I think it hurts significantly more when it's stacked on a lifetime of rejection.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Now you know, and now you understand why a good many men are not going to just approach just ANY woman that crossed paths with them.

[@inkypunk]

Also a don't: "I think you're a nice person BUT-" So many people out there are bitter because they're apparently "too nice", but nice isn't good enough to get a date. I can't help but wonder if that common response feeds the toxic attitude that nice guys finish last, girls only want bad boys, etc; when the real issue is "nice" is the bare minimum in any relationship (and it seems a lot of these bitter folks aren't actually that nice, so don't lie to them)

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Projecting your attitudes on others like that are why some men decide to reject ALL women because of the actions of a few. The so-called attitudes you refer to are not merely attitudes, they are a reality that a growing number of men on the outside looking in are noticing.

[@pocoeagle2]

Nice video Dr. Grande. I think most men are terrified being rejected. And it does hurt, specially when you're having already a long time a crush on a woman and you finally got the balls to ask her out for a date.

[@katiess9708]

I'm sure they are terrified, especially if they are crushing. To extend yourself when so vulnerable, must be daunting.

[@yasminpinarsoy1715]

I always try to reject people kindly i a way my conscience agrees not to hurt anyone. In one case althpugh i was so polite to him (he was quite younger than me), he attacked me with hurtful messages. At that level, i understood that my decision was a hundered percent correct. It did not bother me his words as long as i was doing the right things. I agree that we can kind and honest at the same time and not play anyone's feelings and set our boundaries. Thank you🌹

[@rejaneoliveira5019]

This is such a nice video. I have watched a couple of times but didn’t comment on it! I think rejections are always painful and awkward, even for the person rejecting. Although rejections are very important in the long run, that crucial conversation is horrible. I do tend to agree being direct and honest is ultimately the kindest way of rejecting someone.🥺💔 Thank as always, Dr. Grande.❤️

[@yelloworangered]

"I won't tell anyone you asked" sounds as if there is something about having him having asked me that is shameful. I would NOT say that. I WOULD keep the event a secret from others, and the total lack of awareness evidenced by everyone around us will convey to the man that I respected the event and did not share it as gossip.

[@OnsceneDC]

Dr. Grande- One thing I think is important to mention is that because someone rejects you it may not have anything to do with YOU! It could be that the other person is simply not in a position that they can date, etc. Perhaps they have a partner already, are dealing with personal matters, or going through a breakup and just need to focus on themselves. People always assume it's about them. But often times it's not. Sometimes it's just timing. Often when I get asked out, or if a man wants to escalate intimacy on a date and I'm just not ready, I'll just simply tell him that now is not a good time. I think it sends a clear message that it's not a flat out rejection, it's just not on the table for the time being.

[@kevinjanghj]

Narcissists actually break all the rules when they discard, using all the mean words and phrases!

[@HelenOlivas]

Kevin Jang they are not interested in being kind. In fact it seems like they’d like to inflict as much damage as possible.

[@kaym.h.3583]

yes it is in the way you say it and approach it, usually when guys bug me I just kindly say please stop , I don't chat, video chat or private rooms period.

[@shirin8609]

So true! Just plain old "No" or even "No, thanks" if you want to be polite is just fine. As far as responses to rejection go, I would like to share that there is no need to pretend to still want to be friends with someone who has rejected you when you were only interested in that person in a romantic or sexual way. In just the same way as a clear rejection is actually kind, so, too, is a clear "friend breakup" after a rejection. You've got to be "cruel to be kind" sometimes.

[@2legit2Kwit]

I’m flattered but I’m not available. That’s what I say.

[@naturallaw52]

Perfection.

[@daryljonesfoster4102]

Are you available now ?

[@taopaille-paille4992]

Just grow a mustache to seduce this lady 👩

[@cindyrhodes]

This video should really be required viewing for everyone in their teens and then repeated when appropriate.

[@katiess9708]

I have always been very awkward when men pursued me. On the other hand, even when I'm not intetested, I always think they are very brave. To make a romantic overture without a surety of success is risky, especially if ones heart is at play with someone who is a friend, or within your circle. So, you should be kind and gracious and acknowledge they have extended themselves. If they are coworkers, acquaintances or a friend, you should make an effort to make them comfortable when at work, never expose their interest to mutual acquaintances and be appropriately supportive. The following is what I usually say, and I mean it because I do not want to be unkind. No, thank you. I am truly flattered by your interest in me. I am not attracted to you on this level. But you were brave, I admire that quality. I wish the very best for you.

[@katiess9708]

@@M_SC Certainly, women are at risk in all levels of courtship. We must be wary and attune to threats. My responses are based on the presumption that the person I am dealing with adheres to certain standards that are culturally similiar to me. I have fended off men who didn't accept me responses. Everything from showing up wherever I was to having to flee through a forest at night while two men chased me down after I declined an offer to get in their car, while I was jogging. I believe you should always start off courteously. If the response is menacing or any other level of aggression, then one must work to mitigate that dynamic and extricate oneself. I have found that enlisting the help of the offending person's friends or work cohorts is pretty effective, if they are in fact menacing or inappropriate. Social pressure and all that. I don't know alot about women in Afghanistan, but my impression is that the family has alot to do with choosing mates or supervising dates. I also thought that dating was not a thing, so most flirting and subsequent rejection would be limited. I would think these ladies would have to reject any advances, flirting or courtship not expressly approved. Like, I thought if they don't reject advances, terrible things could happen to them. Of course that means they have no recourse or remedy, should they be raped or imposed upon. A woman's lot there seems dreadful.

[@narcsinart7179]

that made me feel like chit just reading it

[@taraswertelecki7874]

Women are a risk for men, as well. If women can be in a man's skin for a month, they will understand why some of us really don't like women much, or being around them. Then maybe they will understand their approaches to men are not helpful, as well as the fact the advice given to men is mostly worse than useless.

[@monietz]

I sometimes will politely tell someone, "I don't want to see anyone at the moment"; this video may give me reason to reconsider, as this answer may leave room for a later moment to be asked out again. I got lucky in that I never saw these individuals again.

[@TS74tttf]

Yeah.. Don't do it. I had false hope that I had a chance later with a guy I reaaalllyyy liked. All it did was string me along.. Prolonged the pain. And it sucked.

[@AliceDont888]

Ohhh...and here I've had an intellectual crush on you, Dr. Grande since day one!

[@HumanimalChannel]

trying to work out if that would be cutting, or not...hmmm! aren't you supposed to tell intelligent people they are attractive? I mean they KNOW they are bright...?! :)

[@wanderingfree149]

Me too. Something about him is just sexey!

[@ikr2377]

I actually said the in most of my comments as well. He is very sexy

[@sarahisstellina]

Is this your way of telling me you're not into me? 😖

[@mirjanadolenec3099]

lol xD :D

[@user-vb6ky1mo9e]

😂

[@kiwidancer95]

🤣😂

[@octoberskye1049]

Hey! iLoveToast! Don't take this personally. Dr. Grande is washing his hair... for the next 20 years. 🤣🐯

[@tarrenhunt]

I’d like to propose a toast...oh, wait hehe

[@willyloman9332]

I'm sensitive to rejection and I fear misinterpreting kindness as a sign of attraction. I also fear that I have done something unacceptable by showing my interest to a woman if she doesn't reciprocate, because rejection hurts also the rejector.

[@annlvselvis972]

It is nice to be asked out ! If you're attractive I suppose it is good to work on a kind rejection strategy to prevent those awkward moments, great tips and as always all points are covered.

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

Great advice! What a thoughtful way of discussing this. Thank you!

[@engleharddinglefester4285]

"You're too old for me." "But I'm immature!"

[@briattnybrittany6843]

😂😂😂😂

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

😂😂😂🤣😆

[@chaotic_enby2625]

The possibility of someone asking me out has always made me kinda nervous, as I am an asexual aromantic and I wouldn’t know how to respond as I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. This video has helped me calm down about that a bit, thank you!

[@rightnow5839]

👍🏻 Wonderfully said Dr. gorgeous Grande ( with a gorgeous attitude and a heart for kindness) I’m sure lots of people can find this helpful. 💗

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much!

[@lynetterobinson4308]

Your truly blessed with wisdom Dr. Grande. Thank you for sharing.💝

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Great video Dr Grande! Kindness, let's sprinkle that sh•t everywhere!

[@carolenglish8805]

Dr Todd..u are so funny..but also very informative..i have needed this information for years..i love ur approach! THANKS.

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

If you need to take a break Dr. Grande from daily uploads, that's ok. We can manage! Hope you are doing well

[@ananimity7332]

Oh Dr. Grande thank you for this video. I have a friend who I'm forwarding this off to as soon as I finish typing this. She's highly sensitive to rejection and does not deal with it in a healthy way. It can get quite creepy at times. She reads too much into just meeting someone. It's caused her a lot of pain and she is now seeing a therapist and I hope this helps.

[@curlwhurl8054]

It really hurts when a guy chooses to insult me in every way possible just because I prefer to be friends with him or don't see us going anywhere in a relationship. I really understand hurt and rejection but it gets so scary sometimes when you refuse them so they use everything they know about you against you and can be quite aggressive. Or simply won't take no for answer and keep pushing in a manipulative way. Obviously most men aren't like this and I bet women can be just as bad, but I've been in situations where it's gotten quite scary :/

[@assanewade7622]

I didn't know handling rejection too well was not ideal. Thanks Dr.

[@ralegade7710]

Can't wait for the video regarding rejection in an already established relationship.

[@MelindaMc]

Yep, the not you its me speech.

[@saynotohookups]

@@MelindaMc I got that before. I found out that he lied to me about why he broke up with me. It was over another woman.

[@mdmmalou]

Dr.Grande, lets keep it light to day! 😉 Rejection doesn't kill love yet. Although I died for a while.. Its just another way to say: Goodbye..

[@brad885]

I am polite at first, but I get less kind as the offer gets pushed on me. Women that ask men out expect to hear yes, and don't like it when I tell them no.

[@rosiellagrace]

Exactly, some people just won't stop.. my kindness kinda evaporates when they want to keep asking and start to follow me around / walk me out or they've gotten to that begging stage. It can get creepy; being a woman, if I've said I'm not interested eighteen times then I damn sure don't wanna be alone with you by my car.

[@rosiellagrace]

@@M_SC I'm more talking about narcissists that won't take 'no' for an answer.. nobody likes rejection, and there's some men that just clearly aren't taking the hints or think if they ask again they'll get a different answer because they're uncomfortable / nervous, but it's the ones who think they deserve your attention and an immediate 'yes' that can make me start being rude.

[@brad885]

@@M_SC pushy women lol

[@occasionalotaku23]

I think there are parallels here when being assertive and saying No in other situations as well. I think this is good advice and especially keeping it short sharp and shiny - polite but firm and don't give lengthy rationales for why it's a no.

[@onlyme8868]

Thank you dr Todd for all the uploads haha I think you need a break as well I like your logical psychological approach within your choice of discussions thank you for being about of the KZbin society and wow I know why the subs keep coming

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much your kind words

[@arnedelange9857]

Thanks. After 25 years of marriage I am single and dating again is fun and scary because of the risk of rejection.

[@BuffySummer]

The sad moment when nobody is interested in you (ever), so you don't need this video 😆

[@brad885]

Romantic encounters are overrated. Get yourself a pet, and focus on your life goals. I don't date, and I have been very happy with my choice to pursue different things in my life rather than romance.

[@BuffySummer]

@@brad885 thank you for the advice :) and I think you are definitely right with what you're saying.. the pets I already have btw 😉

[@brad885]

@@BuffySummer I have a 7 year old daughter. The cons outweigh the pros with dating for me. I'm sure someone is interested in you-thinking no one is a good way to get stuck in the depression feedback loop. Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient. You probably feel like dating is now or never because of peers or social norms, but being single has it's perks.

[@BuffySummer]

@@brad885 Brad no, I actually date because I feel incredibly lonely without it.. I'm not really close with my family and I don't have any friends either, so it's my only way to really have any close personal contact with a human.. :/ Kind of sad, I know, but I just get way too stressed by having friends for some reason.. Yes, I think the reason I think no one is interested in me is because I have a lot of black & white thinking, it's really hard to get out of that.. And also I get rejected way more than having to reject someone else 😅 lately that's the only thing that's been happening. Yes.. I wish I could be single and happy someday..

[@tarrenhunt]

Chrissi Pikapika say you don’t pick up on cues, but someone still manages to make their advances known; you could end up wishing nobody was interested. Might be a silly idea, but you could wear a Yin Yang pendant, as a reminder.

[@bellam7359]

Your facial expression at 10:26 when saying - "I like your personality, but I don't want someone who's unattractive" 🤣🤣🤣

[@janakakumara3836]

Don't laugh hysterically - Got it. Thanks.

[@sweetds1]

Wonderful reasoning and explanations too. Thank you! I’ve always wondered on this topic. You’re awesome

[@jessie0050]

I agree with the straight forward answer not leading a person on

[@wanderingfree149]

If they are normal, i say " you are so sweet. Thank you for asking me out but I'm not dating right now. " If they are a narcassist, i say " not if you were the last dude on the planet! "

[@ybrueckner5589]

Wandering Free smart! I actually enjoy telling narcissists that they are just too much like a pig

[@GoogleAccount-oe9im]

Great topic!! Wow, you are so innovative and creative!

[@franmellor9843]

We have all been there with that eye contact ,very flattering it can happen anywhere and the chat up lines ,well enough said haha

[@LadyOfMaine]

“It would violate my parole “ They won’t ask again

[@user-vb6ky1mo9e]

Been waiting for this all day! :D

[@almakehlerbrown3935]

Excellent video Dr Grande! Again, loaded w great insight and advice. Exactly what I was waiting for. Ty😊

[@lauramason5667]

I think one response that I think is really honest and a good idea is to say I’m not in a great place right now because of what I’ve gone through where am I right now but perhaps we can get to know each other in a friendly way. It’s really important to know where people are at before you try to enter into any kind of dating a perhaps relationship scenario. I think what I always say is I don’t have romantic feelings about you but I like you as a person

[@VickiBee]

"Its clear, fast, efficient..." and most men I meet STILL don't understand what no means.

[@alexw2154]

Thank you for covering this

[@juliejackman2649]

I like this. I've been married 30 years so I'm obviously not dating. But I was talking to a single lady and she said she turns men down all the time if they aren't up to her standards. I didn't ask but I wondered what she said to them. So hopefully she used kind ways like these.

[@octoberskye1049]

Very amusing, these 'lines'. 🤣 I don't date. My significant relationships have evolved from friendships. Thank you, Dr. Grande. Informative! Helpful! And you have slaughtered me. 🤣❤🐯

[@lisasmith516]

"I say I really appreciate you for complimenting me, thank you! I'm a celibate Christian, I don't date at all! But thank you!" P.S. Some men get huffy, or rude, or try to argue me down, but MOST RUN! LOL 😋 YAY! I'M 61 years old, no young Cheetahs, I am no Den Mother.😉

[@GeorgiannaMiller5]

I think Dr Grande is telling his viewers he's unavailable!

[@oddwad6290]

Thanks for helping humanity !

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

The kindest way to reject someone is a clear straightforward "No" Women have trouble with this!

[@1983simi]

Problem is that a plain 'no' is usually not received well or not at all (read: not accepted). in 36 years i can count on one hand how often a man after hearing a plain 'no' just said 'ok, no problem.' and just walked away. Like, I remember those random guys, cause they stood out so much. Most either try to pressure on or they get snappy. 'you're ugly anyway' blabla. women would have less of a problem delivering a straightforward 'no' if most men weren't so terribly prissy about it. But then, I get it too why men get like that. With them usually being expected to make the first move and thus getting to hear a lot more of rejections, I understand that at some point they've had it and lash out a bit to restore their ego.

[@kungfujoe2136]

imho the most importend thing to do is to be clear

[@briattnybrittany6843]

I'm very cautious rejecting people I don't know. I don't want to end up hurt. You just never know how people respond these days! I had a guy follow me through every aisle until he caught up with me. I had another guy follow me through a couple of aisles and stood behind me each time I stopped. I zig zagged through so many aisles to lose him and checked out on the opposite side of the store. Idk!

[@ikr2377]

This man is soo knowlagable

[@elisamastromarino7123]

Wow! I'm a bit surprised at some of the mean responses. 😄 That's pretty harsh alright. Thank you, Dr Grande! 🌹👍

[@yelloworangered]

Dr. Grande, how does one graciously reject "invitations" to sexual activity after a date? That awful moment when the woman is getting out of the car and the man wants to walk her to the door and he's not being galant, he's zeroing in on some sex play or an invitation inside to bed? I don't want to kiss (or more) some guy with whom I've just spent four or five hours on a first date? Why does a man expect this activity to begin early on in what can't even be called a relationship yet? How does a woman handle it?

[@kathyglass2922]

You could say, "As much as I think you are attractive, I prefer to be more involved with someone before I am intimate" or "I don't move that fast." But honestly, I wouldn't worry about song no or being kind here. If someone moves fast with you, it's rude. Dump them.

[@taraswertelecki7874]

The best thing a man can do, if rejected by a woman, is never ask her, ever again and if necessary, avoid her and her friends too. Move on, and leave her in the past. Good video Dr. Grande, I wish this is being taught in school, a lot of people's lives are scarred, ruined because this very subject is not being explained to BOTH sexes. From my personal experience with one young lady, that a clear, firm but respectful NO is the least unkind way to decline someone's advances. Actually, that is the kind way to go about it, because at you have said, it frees you to try again with someone else, or take stock of yourself. On the other hand, the way some women have rejected me is why I walked away from all women. When they are that disrespectful up front, I realized after the fact I dodged a wake homing torpedo, literally because they did me a favor. Moreover, it is very dangerous legally, socially and physically for men to approach women, especially women they do not know. Anyone who advises cold approaching women is a charlatan, and not to be trusted.

[@Fliedermutter]

Very interesting video! Thank you.

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

I don’t think that I’m a narcissist but I hate rejection, as do we all...

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

but who would r. eject me

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

my screen is broken asf. This phone is rejecting me LOL

[@mirjanadolenec3099]

@@gypsy-nr9zd :D :D :D Yes, don't we all hate it? But it's at least better to be able to read the signs of rejection and walk away in time not embarass oneself xD

[@gypsy-nr9zd]

Mirjana Dolenec yep

[@GeorgiannaMiller5]

I usually said, "I appreciate your interest, but I'm not interested."

[@alexanderschmoldt2982]

okay what is missing here is the kind part as a person who ash rejected women and was rejected awefully. with one jecetiong being out of fear and overhelming to the women. she later admitted to have the first thought to hurt me to keep me away emotinally. that important point is dont hur their self esteem. like 2 two rejected girls are still friend with me, one has found anothe raprtner and is happy. say something like no, we are not a good match, you are not the right person for me, you have many good qualites, at best personality like, but i search for different qualities. the girls both cried i hold them, the could have sometime, they 4-6 weeks later both called me. they asked again if i really thought those qualites where good, i answered yes, which told them that wasnt a lie. and they had to deal with their rejected feeling but they didnt have to deal with any additional pain. they acutally god praise from a person they desire to be good people, not shallow compliments. examples physical like you have really nice hair but my typ have always been brunette, you are are very attractive have good chest but i am more looking for a good ass (be honest dont lie, in your own estimate and the praise9 personality wise you are a very bubbly person, you are cheerful and make people around you smile but i need someone who can be calm, and share some seriousness and doenst deal with difficult situations with optimize but realism. your cheerful and upbeat personality is great but not matching mine. this i actually used. the girl weeks later asked do you really think so, i said yes thats a great trait of you if we meet sometimes but i would go insane if that constant, she now met a guy who actually realy like that in her. we actually are friends now it created an enourmous amout of trust. that i was honest and even shared the first minutes of pain with her. i somewite write or call her and say, boah this was a shitty meeting or day i need someone who is sutpidly opitmistic and i get cheering, and she one timed called and said the situation is bad i need some realism and solutions cause i dont knwo what to do. so be honest, spare their self esteem as much as possible, be honest dont lie for it, and maybe even give them some praise compliments, about good qualities about them. it was one called nice care but not what i am looking for like. thats a really good truck, good acceleration, storage space, power and doenst use to much fuel but i live in the city i need a small car short distance etc. the truck still feels like its an awesome truck but not for you.

[@davidthomspson9771]

Your a good dude Doc....love your videos and take on topics.👍

[@cat4331]

Dr Grande, thank you for your hard work! I still get scared rejecting men because of an incident that happened... he said I was a siren (mythology) it was at work and he started to badmouth me to everyone about how I was a whore etc (the usual antics) and I got fired for “causing trouble” at work... what trouble??? I still can’t find work now... I’m so scared about “being in society” again.. was it because of my autism? They wouldn’t believe me when I told them I had autism because “I didn’t look like I had autism.” ???!!! Sigh... it was a waitressing job that paid my rent :( I really liked working!! Addition: next time I have to reject a guy, I will follow your guide!!!

[@DrGrande]

You are quite welcome!

[@JB-rl4ik]

Jesus! That wasn't your fault, it had nothing to do with your rejection style. That was punishing you.

[@cat4331]

J B thank you for your time! Yes I feel that he was punishing me

[@HumanimalChannel]

hi Cat, that situation just opens up a whole can of questions for me. about constructed and unfair dismissal, workplace bullying, boys club, poor management, illegal actions, lack of support and advocacy. with autism you can be vulnerable to so many things in a workplace (this does not mean not capable). waitressing wouldn't be the right job perhaps anyway? it's high intensity face to face customer service as well as juggling the fast pace and changing environment and the complicated team roles and relationships. did you feel, other than when being disrespected, that you were very profficient in that job? hope it all works out for you.

[@cat4331]

Humanimal Humanimal hi! Thank you for your question! Very long So background.. I didn’t know I was autistic until AFTER this incident.. there was another fiasco after this incident too.. I needed quick money (still do) and I knew that waiting tables would be enough to pay my rent! I didn’t care what job I got as long as it paid the bills... I knew my firing was unfair.. this other girl would feed FALSE information to boss and other coworkers.. I don’t know why.. she even accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend but he only happened to sit at the table I was waiting so I was doing my job!! I get emotional talking about these many incidents because it was so unfair.. I didn’t speak up because... honestly she’s just so bubbly and outgoing everyone loved her.. I knew no one believed me so I stayed quiet.. pitiful yes but I’m learning! Sigh :( I’m too scared to report anything.. the boss is actually really kind! She’s only heard bad things about me so I see why she was inclined to fire me.. it’s okay! I also don’t want her restaurant to do bad so i just let it be! It probably didn’t help that I am very quiet and had hard time “mingling” with other servers.. we were all 20s since we all go to university but I never fit in with any group.. I never realized how important work place relationships were... anyways yesh TLDR: got fired, too scared to file any complaint, but am learning and moving on Addition: the people who worked there were already friends since high school and I was the “new kid”.. so high school ha ha... I learned later that they all had parental issues.. it explained a lot of their behaviours and it gave me some closure. The girl who spread rumours... she has many issues prior... she tried to “hit” her ex boyfriend with broken beer bottle!!! Isn’t this ASSAULT??? But ppl say it was ex boyfriend fault??? It was at a party too so many people witnessed what happened yet the ex boyfriend got blamed? This girl’s mother hates her a lot... she was verbally mentally physically abused by her own mother!! I feel really sad for her.. not that it excuses any of her behaviours but it does explain some of them! I forgave them all! I honestly feel sad for them and their childhoods :( I had great childhood and have learned healthy coping mechanisms! I don’t hold grudge against them! I feel sad thinking back to what happened to me but that’s ok!

[@judiepollick3178]

My reply is simply, Thank you but I'm seeing someone.

[@dontwrite9s4ever86]

the most absolute worst is anyone trying to get to know someone at the last minute at the end of a routine environment (end of school/leaving a job). Too little too late. Why are you doing it now after 2-4 months have passed? Another,r is making the person look like a fool/idiot in front of others for not trying harder. i swear at this point in my life ive just given up on relationships (intimate or not).

[@ybrueckner5589]

I hope you don’t give up forever. Good things always happen when you least expect

[@juliemcneely-kirwan9314]

This was interesting. Thank you.

[@tubegirl25]

“Don’t laugh hysterically”.

[@vickiberg9952]

I always encourage there bravery to dare to ask and encourage them to keep trying with other women.

[@rebekah1216]

Tell them sorry, but you have to check yourself back into the psyche unit for a routine med change and it'll be a good 2 months before you'll feel if they're working correctly so now is just not a good time for dating....and if that doesn't scare them off, red flag, your dealing with a very sick person.... RUN! (and turn your phone camera record in just in case they run after you...psychopaths are attracted to the pstche issue excuse.)

[@RJ-hx5nb]

Dr. Grande . . . You forgot the famous saying by George Costanza (Old Jerry Seinfeld Show) "It's not you, it's me."

[@lavintella]

Thank you very much for this video Dr. Grande! On a similar topic, how to kindly reject a sexual offer from someone you know and who has some power over you (like a boss for example), please?

[@mdmmalou]

Good question. Its a bad place to be, if someone misuses position and power to get you under. It is wrong and doesn't deserve a friendly rejection.

[@lavintella]

@@M_SC Yes thank you Esther for your comment, I was searching for a better word for this situation and safe is the right way to describe how I would like to reject that person who (I truly think) may become vengeful in this case!

[@lavintella]

@@mdmmalou Thank you for your comment, yes I know he doesn't deserve a friendly rejection but I strongly feel that he's gonna become vengeful if I don't reject him safely.

[@GoodnightJLH]

A little humor can buy you some time to buff up your resume and start job hunting. But an actual sexual advance from your boss is inappropriate and shows your career has no future in that position. If your boss has a boss or HR department, do report him (or her). Realistically, it’s best to report him/her after finding a new position.

[@mdmmalou]

Davina hi, I agree with all tips of J.Holan. These individuals think that loosing your job is their power.. Until you've found an other job.. Set your limit well, because once passed it goes from bad to worse! Avoid him if possible, and say no if necessary. Stay strong! 💪💪

[@mariailyukhina405]

Each type I watch this type of video by Dr Grande I imagine that he coaches an alien how to look like a compassionate human.

[@eveapple4928]

Sometimes the balance of power is the other way and the person being asked out may genuinely feel intimidated that the asker is more attractive than them, and the askee may decline because they are proper terrified that the asker will find out that they are actually not worthy. Being asked out on a date can feel like an assessment or a test and it’s easier to say no thanks rather than risk being found as wanting.

[@thorazinedreams381]

I wish I watched this as an adolescent after my first girlfriend dumped me.

[@thelittlelenora]

Not laughing hysterically? Omg some of these unkind responses are reeeeeeally UNKIND!

[@taraswertelecki9886]

Responses like that would invite an acid response from me.

[@maryanncrody4867]

rejection is everywhere. toughen up and get used to it

[@lunarmystic9896]

Hey Grande. I really liked your talk on not being creepy. Maybe it could he applied to this as well? Like how about turning up dressed as a whale hanging around a book shop after dark and staring for a really long time then laugh hysterically and make some completely inappropriate joke about their family followed by saying something like "you know what - I just don't think we have anything in common' What do you think? 👍

[@Wee162]

I’m still not clear about what to say to kindly but firmly decline a date. Everyone says “No” is a complete sentence but just saying no feels awkward. And what if the person asking asks why? I wish there were some clear, scripted examples. The reason a lot of women are hesitant to just flatly say “no” is the fear of triggering a stalker, or psychopath, or someone who will then denigrate them to other friends or colleagues ( yeah, I know I just took a paranoid leap there ...). When someone hasn’t read obvious cues or signals that the woman isn’t interested, they have issues that, in my experience, predispose them to taking rejection poorly which puts the rejector in an awkward, potentially dangerous situation. And, I’m not just saying that men are the ones getting their signals wrong - I know it can turn into a fatal attraction scenario, too. It just can be so uncomfortable and I’m afraid, Dr. Grande, that you didn’t make me feel any less vulnerable or more confident navigating this situation.

[@agataderda8659]

Such a great video! This video isn’t exactly about it but how to know when a borderline person rejects you or just does their push’n pull maneuvers? There’s a lot of mixed signals there. How to know when to leave?

[@rosepickering1615]

Dr Grande is awesome ⭐️

[@noahschmartz2354]

For the rejectee : Just remember the way some unattractive person throws themselves at you despite your subtle hints at a lack of interest and then ask yourself is that you doing the throwing at your new target ( Presumably a babe) . Should be easy to put yourself in the mind of the hottie then and not make too much of a fool of yourself .

[@rebekah1216]

Right!...but that would require an ability to empathize which Narsscist seem to lack. I on the other hand, wish I could go back an appologize to that really nice but super dorky guy in high school that would ask me out every year. He's probably some wealthy techy now and I'm stuck with the narcissistic jock I chose over him just because of what other people think. ...I deserve this current suffering, I knew better but chose superficiality anyways.

[@noahschmartz2354]

@@rebekah1216 I get you , so you are saying only a narcissist will fail to take the hint. I got more narcissistic friends than I thought in that case , cause I cant get thru to them to quit beating a dead horse sometimes when it comes to romantic interests.

[@bettykemp7122]

I wish you’d been around when I was young!

[@francesbernard2445]

With so many people around playing games while everyone now has their own idea about how a romance should unfold a whole lot of misunderstandings can happen which have a potential to unravel into a crisis. And so there is no handy recipe to use every time when having to reject a romantic advance which at work or other kinds of settings which are not put in place for romance some people accurately call an "accident". An accident that employers do everything in their power to prevent in their workplace. Some employers who often hire teenagers and college freshmen even go as far as warning all of their new hires that if they start a romantic relationship with another employee then they will get fired. In some cases an employer who wants to get rid of an employee whom they perceive as diminishing profit could lie when accusing one of their employees of imagining that a romance is unfolding between them based only on the employee's habit of people pleasing in general. And so beware on using a recipe always on how to reject any offer of romance which of course isn't going to be in some cases a direct and clear enough rejection. As well in some cases no matter how you reject someone they will punish you for doing so. Like for example with their greater power there then putting the person their who dislikes you the most i a role being direct in charge of your future there. Or stonewalling you every time you attempt to ask a question there.

[@dixonvmusic2737]

I've pretty much given up on all romantic endeavors since 2017. I think if you fail enough it's time to throw in the towel.

[@SDCGI]

Oddly enough the nicest rejection i got from a girl was them saying they didn’t find me attractive

[@mitchellrose3620]

Thank you. Very helpful.