Traits of an Emotionally Immature Parent

[@eatmesquite]

"Obsessed with appearance" really hit close to home. My father would constantly brag to his friends and strangers about what a genius I was. At home, all I heard was "STFU, your opinions dont matter! Children are to be seen, not heard! You're so dramatic!" I'm 29 and still have zero self-esteem.

[@lindahall3546]

65. I hear you. Same.

[@asmanasim9394]

This is the core.... I feel this... Yes

[@ronniebennet9413]

I felt this to my core. Im so sorry you had to deal with this, you’re not alone. ❤

[@skindippedingold]

This!!!! I was bragged about to others but behind closed doors called all sorts of bitches, stupid, dumb ass and told to stfu as a young kid and teen smh. Im 35 and still struggle with my confidence

[@sonnypatel3577]

Sorry, sometimes our families don’t provide what we need. Now you have to do stuff that makes you happy and boosts your self esteem. And make sure you break this pattern. Rooting for you! ❤

[@jb-ze1yh]

Both of my parents were EIP. One was more passive as well the other extremely volatile and violent in all kinds of ways. I’ve needed therapy my whole life to be a better human being AND to be a better parent. Plus my Coparent is exactly like this. We need more accountability for parents like this because it’s neglect / abusive. Period.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Yes, it's so important to educate and bring awareness for EIP.

[@nicolehetherington5275]

I empathise so much @jb-ze1yh as I have exactly the same parent dynamics. One violent controlling parent ( dad ) one passive aggressive parent ( mum ). I do not have alot of contact with them. It was abuse, neglect. I choose whether to see them or not. For several years it has been not. As I get ill, after spending time with them. I am consciously working through my trauma triggers at the moment, so that I can get to a place of not being affected anymore, in order to heal myself.. and love myself.

[@jb-ze1yh]

@@nicolehetherington5275 it’s so hard to heal from this stuff. Wishing you all the best! Keep choosing you! 🙏

[@patricehoward9831]

​@@TheHolisticPsychologistNicole, you have preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, abused, defamed, and enslaved strangers for years to promote yourself and have 24/7 access to their life to do this for years, continuing while addressed and have no responsibility. Do you know how immature, entitled, toxic, ignorant, hateful, cruel, destructive, and disordered a person has to be to do this for years? You don't have labels for anyone else, and it's so ridiculous people support abusive frauds, for years so you can build your dreams on literally nothing.

[@patricehoward9831]

​@@TheHolisticPsychologistIt's so important that abusive, predatory, exploitative frauds like you are held accountable and stopped. You couldn't possibly care about healing when you go out of your way to feed on lives and destroy lives with lies.

[@rubycubez1103]

My 73year old mother and I barely talk. When we do, its abou her woe is me stories or shes bragging about herself. Shes looks to me for guidance like Im her mother. She's been like this since I was a child. Maintaining any sort of relationship with her gives me anxiety and a shameful heaviness. Guilt for not nurturing her but she's never been like that with me. Its getting worse as she's getting older.

[@spacegirl226]

I have that exact experience with my elderly mother too. I empathize with you 100% and wish I could give you a hug. This crap is tough to deal with because you see this screaming child in an adult's body, and it's mind boggling that someone who has been around for seven decades hasn't figured out how to calm down. My mother has severe anger issues and screams at everything. She's been that way for as long as I can remember, but as an adult it's so much worse. I wish you the best in your recovery. Right there with you. Take care.

[@mamamia1105]

I am unfortunately the same way with my mom. Even though I am really guilty about it, I just can't be around her. The whole world revolves around her and I can never even get a word in when/if we ever spend time together. She can never get to know me, still to this day as a 43 year old woman, she has never known or wanted to get to know me or my kids. I had extremely low self-esteem growing up because of that and all of her screaming. I hope our mothers find peace at some point in their lives and can wake up to see what they have been missing all this time. Until then, my mother will stay at arm's length for my own peace. Peace to you as well.

[@bzb_]

I had to grow up fast too, taking her responsibilities as my own so she stops complaining like we are her burden, my dad enabled her, any negativity & he'll say "but that's your mom," we had enough money to pay bills & more but she was always complaining about having to spend on us(never ask for anything, she only bought essentials), when she frivolously spends on herself, no guilt at all, my extended family fell prey to her being the "victim," they only know that I barely go to family gatherings anymore, they'll ask why I'm cold to her & I don't want to explain bc 1) they already see her as the victim 2) they're not perfect but they're not toxic like my fam so they won't understand 3) most only want gossip, I am now seen as this ungrateful & detached person 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Anonymissus]

​@@bzb_sometimes emotional detachment is necessary even if some other people around don't understand the reasons as to why someone might be emotionally detached for

[@glukkan]

Another thing this also creates is emotionally immature children that become emotionally immature adults who may perpetuate the cycle with their kids. Not being shown how to emotionally regulate as a kid definitely has impacted my life and I find myself struggling with outbursts now that I'm a parent. And I don't want that for my kids but it's so deeply ingrained it's hard to stop the outbursts. I have a lot of work to do but acknowledging that my parents didn't have or teach those skills was a huge step for me.

[@Sheeeeerigirl]

I agree! I didn't even know I was until I came across these shorts. I always was very self aware but I've made lots of progress because I've learned acceptance and learned the correct way to handle stress. I've still got a lot of work to do but having tools makes such a huge difference.

[@fannybindeki7686]

Yes!!!!n yessss!! I constantly struggle with tht. N i have a Bad conscious almost every day.

[@age93]

Practice self compassion. It helps to understand that not all EIPs are the same. They are a either a product of their nature or nurture. The ones who originate from environment have self awareness and empathy, and are very capable of changing. The other lacks those two qualifies- which are the main components of narcissism. We aren’t hopeless or at fault.

[@alicemakarevich6762]

I feel you, a hypervigilant volatile parent myself with very low frustration tolerance

[@kathleencove]

At least you’re self aware and can heal it. Try not to shame yourself. There’s a difference between an outburst that’s rooted in deep trauma and pain, that you’re aware about and trying to heal, vs. an outburst by a person who doesn’t care how their behavior impacts other people. You’ve shown emotional maturity enough to reflect on your outbursts, a lot of people never make it that far. That’s a good sign that you have what it takes to break a toxic cycle and free yourself from that pattern 🙏 with time, patience, self-compassion, and diligent self-accountability and awareness about what behaviors from others trigger this in you and what that is pointing to that needs to be healed. I’m in your boat too with C-PTSD of my own, and I’m sending you so much love. It does get better 🙏

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

#selfhealers: I hope you enjoyed this one. Being raised by EIP can be a really lonely experience. Feel free to share and support each other in the comments.

[@mizbarehana5498]

Really sorry you're going through this. It seems impossible to break free from the hold she has over your life... but you can't give up. You only get the one life and it's too precious to allow it to crumble in your mother's grasp. I've had 2 EIPs, my dad the passive aggressive one and my mom a classic one to the T. I'm 41 and it took me years to build a life for myself. Start small, do little things, and bit by bit you'll start to love yourself. Self love will get you somewhere. Keep it a secret from her and build yourself up by doing the things you love, that bring you joy, no matter how silly they might seem. One day it'll make you love yourself enough that you'll walk away and never look back. Realising you had the courage all along, but just couldn't put it together to actually do something. Yet you can! Sending you lots of hugs and good vibes ✨️✨️✨️ ...You got this!!!

[@Roughfacedgirl]

Relatable... my mom judges everyone yet still has her baby high chair in the kitchen. Says it all. Self love is where it is at. We need to stop seeking their approval. I will be 40 in 3 months and am so enmeshed it is hard to untangle yourself. I have " learned helplessness", also. Very bitter about the money issue, also took it when I was younger and worked. I used to think she ofc had my best interests at heart bc what mother doesn't right but you learn eventually it was for their benefit. If I knew then what I know now, I would have ran and stayed away. Now I feel paralyzed. Thanks for the comrarade and advice on here. Love YT comments they help me feel less alone. I rarely go out. Have been engrained with the idea it is too scary out there. I am a target, etc etc. Love to you all.

[@davidteovogel3482]

@@buddhalove22 I'm so sorry. ☹

[@ShazWag]

I'm 60 and my elderly parents are _still_ like this. I feel completely hollow inside. I don't expect them to change now, but I need to learn how to start trying feeling emotions as I feel numb.

[@solveigrose5537]

'the book of grief' (German title) by Jorge Bucay helped me a lot getting in touch with my feelings.. Good luck!! ❤

[@m.r.e.5731]

Mine just passed and I am 63 and still trying to figure out where she ends and I begin, especially when it comes to things like appearance, taste, and asking for help and giving myself grace and praise. Therapy has helped somewhat. But I can not stop going. Maybe you should try it. I wish you blessings and healing. Don't wait for the inevitable, when you will be plunged into even more emotions, like guilt and grief for what could have been.

[@ShazWag]

Thank you for this. I'll look for it ❤@@solveigrose5537

[@ShazWag]

Thank you x@@m.r.e.5731

[@sharynbailey4235]

I most definitely had an emotionally immature adoptive mother. My adoptive father was an alcoholic so I guess he was emotionally immature as well - just not as nasty and abusive as my mother. He at least was kind most of the time but of course when he drank too much he could go off as well. I literally had an old school friend tell me yesterday how much my mother loved me b/c whenever she dropped into her work place she would speak about nothing but me. All the while, even when I was a grown adult of 29, she was using the silent treatment as her weapon of choice. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover!

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I am adopted too, and my a-dad was also an alcoholic man child. I’m trying not to see a-mum as a bad person, now I’m 40 and in counselling for attachment/relationship issues, but she does seem immature in some ways, I’m guessing partly because of a-dad being how he was.

[@chelseabunker2391]

@@ShintogaDeathAngel she probably was before him, which is why she probably chose him. Something toxically familiar

[@misssoandso]

All 4 😢 unfortunately. I recently asked my dad to apologize for wrongfully accusing me for something, and he yelled so loudly that the neighbors two doors down heard and called the police. Their neighborhood is always hosting lunches and dinner parties, but my parents never get invited, despite living there the longest. Always walking on eggshells when I’m around my parents, even as an adult. Looking forward to your next video on your suggestions.

[@JaseekaRawr]

"All focus was on *them."* Literally my parents to a T. 🥲 I refuse to raise my son the way I was raised. He will always know he's loved!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Your son is so lucky to have you ❤

[@5DNRG]

Beautiful! No need to pass that legacy on...raise him with the love we all deserved.

[@DeborahAnnsuperversatile]

Great job. Same for me, but with my daughter. We are breaking the cycle.

[@sonjawalkerreactionscommen3501]

I’m shocked that I came upon this video so soon! The one that resonates with me the most is when I go up to my parents and tell them that I’m upset about something, and they say either, it could’ve been worse, or, you’re just overreacting. I react horribly to stress in that when I cry, it can sometimes be a sign that I’m too overwhelmed and too stressed out. I honestly think it’s stupid to try and suppress that, because we all respond to stress differently. However, even when home, I would often be told that I was just being a baby.

[@paulastarkey9973]

Very cruel to call you a baby for needing emotional support.

[@innocentnemesis3519]

So real. One time I was sad about feeling lonely at school and not understanding friendships, and all my mom could say is, “well I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” That’s her go-to line. When my sister got cheated on in high school, my mom told her to stop crying to her about it because she wasn’t her friend and “didn't she have friends for that?”

[@sonjawalkerreactionscommen3501]

@@innocentnemesis3519 I relate with that line too. “I don’t know what to tell you.” Like aren’t we supposed to be able to vent to our parents when we’re feeling frustrated about stuff? Both of them are kind of a little emotionally immature my mom and my dad. You wouldn’t believe how bad it is with my dad, but it’s weird. Sometimes they have moments where they can really hold themselves together quite well, and other times they just can’t.

[@PlayerTenji95]

@@innocentnemesis3519that’s so bizarre, I’m sorry.

[@kathleencove]

@@PlayerTenji95Bizarre, yes, but unfortunately all too common in dysfunctional people who head dysfunctional households

[@essence178]

Yes yes yes..that is why I am super independent ....had to take care of all my needs or at least it appeared this way when I was a child...damage done...but I turned out OK inspite of it..❤❤❤❤ love to all reading this 😊😊😊

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

It turned me in a very empathetic person...but being "too independent" is also a hiding place and survival mechanism. I used to say that too "I turned out okay and could have been worse"..in the words of my therapist, "it will always come out sideways." Be on guard.

[@lucindasavona2278]

Me too. I was the same as a child. Today, I am quite empathetic, kind, caring, stubborn & extremely independent because of My Mother. I turned out great because I decided never, ever to be like her! Her lack of interest in me, her meaness, her cruelty & her punishments of me because she was so unhappy, etc, made me who I am. I wrote to her a few years ago - to thank her for her " lack of effort" when I was a child. She had one of her famous tantrums after reading my thankyou card.

[@breeyoung8777]

Oh yes! I used to say my independence was my strongest trait. But as I get older I realize it was a real good place to hide. If I can't take it I leave and I always kind of sneered @ women who were so dependent and needed someone to "take care of them." The dynamic in my house : I was the oldest of 4. My father was a volatile screaming meanie who could b so scary I would flinch when he would walk up behind me. He could also b very sweet. My mom used to tell us he really did love us, it was just bc grandpa beat the shit out of him when he was a kid. Mom was an enabler I think. Passive aggressive. When I used to go to her to express my depression she would start to cry and say I did the best I could...didn't u always have enuf to eat, clothes on ur back, roof over ur head.....it would leave me feeling worse.

[@TordenFaaret]

every time i ask my EIP for an apology over how they hurt me, i get none. it's either "well that's how you come across" or "why are you trying to punish me". one time i legit got a written list dismissing everything i felt about their behavior point by point. i was told not to seek help outside the home because "we don't take these things outside the family", which was after a particularly brutal day-long dissociation period that only continued after i got home and was yelled at. i see that parent in every sign and trait in your video. it kinda hurts🥲not just to have experienced it but to know it's common.

[@jennifercooper3812]

Even worse, they might gaslight you and you end up apologizing to them!😮 No more. Next time, I won't call them out but walk away. Show them my backside.

[@elegantgiraffe9570]

Don't bother trying to get your EIP to apologise to you. They're too proud to, but that pride is a shell protecting deep insecurity.

[@Artificial_Elysium]

@@jennifercooper3812Or that they get more mad at/off with you being upset at their behaviour than them actually feeling bad about what they did - On top of thinking they owe no apology, whatsoever. Really is hurtful in such a frustrating and confusing way.

[@morlajko]

Don't ask for an apology. If they can hear you and understand what you went through, that's enough. They did the best they could with the tools they had at the time. My parents were born from the WW2 generation and all they knew was survival. They had no idea how to nurture my emotions. I'm not going to ask them to apologise, I recognise it and move on with the tools I have available to me now. I'm a grown adult and don't seek any validation from my parents anymore.

[@DebraVerrall]

Or when you get "well that's just how I am" 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@mindfullymellow2323]

Can relate 💯. Luckily, dad died relatively young, and re-homed mom into a senior facility this year. Very low or no contact is key to my own emotional health.

[@clairem7967]

You are amazing. Thank you for the work you do. At 32, my childhood and the woman I have become are all starting to make sense. I want to heal from the wounded child and become the powerful woman I know I am supposed to be. Thank you for helping me heal. Looking forward to the next video. Love from the UK.

[@alicemakarevich6762]

I'm also 32 and this is exactly how I feel! Love from Kyrgyzstan

[@Bluzephere]

My mother was emotionally immature and I see a lot of her in this description, she was reactive/explosive, emotionally unavailable, the focus was always on her and appearances were important, not material appearances, but my mother had to be seen as the most loving, caring mother to the outside world but at home she was a monster. I am 66 and still trying to deal with the shit she put on me.

[@bluejay5531]

everything you mentioned has been my experience, with both parents, in different complimentary traits…even with decades of therapy I am still trapped with chronic major depression and chronic fatigue and my life is hell, it’s my responsibility but I just have no energy left to go beyond survival mode..

[@brittavilla]

I feel you friend. Been actively trying to deprogram these behaviors in myself for the past 4-5 years and it feels like I’ve made such little progress. Stay strong and keep trying! 🤝 🫂

[@TheDavveponken]

It gets better. Just don't take psych drugs, that will really mess you up. Keep listening to this channel, and maybe Patrick Teahan. They both have let me make more progress these past two years than I've done in 15 years. Most psychologists and especially psychiatrists will do more damage I've found.

[@dubaiedge]

@@TheDavveponken for sure. There is a major difference between wallowing in the pain & just getting concise info. like this that hits home & we can act on it with useable tips, & reading comments from others in similar situations.

[@TheDavveponken]

@@dubaiedge yeah, I think the hardest part is really facing the truth of the situation - nobody wants to face the reality that their parents neglected/abused them (I think). Especially, what do I do with that information now? Do I exclude them? Do I tolerate them? Why should I? They seem incapable of accountability. Any other relationship I would leave. But at least going into new relationship there now is support. I wish I had that ten years ago with an ex. She was the main reason my life collapsed. She was exactly like my mother and father. She was a perect disaster

[@northstar5919]

See also Dr Less Carter and Dr Ramani. Very helpful 💜

[@amandajones4681]

I have several EIP parents, my biological mother was pretty much all of those signs, my stepmother and biofather would be obsessed with how good I made them look, but when I would confront them on dad's drinking and how it would constantly trigger memories of biomom's addiction history growing up, they would yell and shame me, dismiss me. Currently I am at pretty much no contact after years of doing therapy since I was a a freshman in college. I have stopped overcompensating for fear of abandonment from them. I refuse to attend holidays when they don't acknowledge that I exist just 25 mins away from them. I am a LPC practicing in Ohio for the past almost 3 years. I have learned and grown so much, but it's also really painful when biofamily won't do the work to have healthier relationships with me and one another. I have siblings that are a poor result of our upbring, when I have recently set boundaries with my older sister, she lost her mind and beat me this past May, never really apologized or took any accountability. My brother is in prison again. Sometimes it feels like healing from CPTSD is a very lonely road.

[@northstar5919]

You are not alone. When you read comments you can see that💜

[@AppleTY2015]

💜 it does feel lonely on this journey. It does get easier though. We get stronger, and we tolerate less drama in our life.

[@amandajones4681]

@@northstar5919 Thank you.

[@amandajones4681]

@@AppleTY2015 THank you.

[@rocky1raquel]

Totally lonely. If I start crying about anything for any reason or show I’m upset, I’m told, “Ok, it’s over! It’s in the past!” Even if it was 5 minutes ago that something happened and I am telling my mother about it. She immediately shuts me down, not allowing me to process. She did this when I got divorced and I started alienating her then, or detaching because she made me feel bad for not getting over it immediately. She compares her divorce to all… “Well, I got divorced, I know what it’s like.” When SHE was the abusive one. She has no idea what it’s like to be on the other end. This EIP seems like a narcissistic trait.

[@user-gr6fv3pp1q]

They are immature hence come across as narcissistic because they can't handle others' emotions

[@laurenl8854]

I resonate most with 1 and 2. Looking back, I realize how a lot of what I did was based on looking for praise, support. There wasn't a lot of room for my needs and I was walking on eggshells.

[@LeynaLhuff]

This came up in my therapy recently. I found you through your last two videos about dissociation - they couldn't have come at a better time for what we've been working on. I'm finally starting to get a much clearer picture of what my childhood was actually like. Really appreciate your work, thank you.

[@NikD215]

This whole video just summed up my child and teen-hood.

[@torakwarius]

This really resonates with me. Both of my parents were EIP, my mother being the “ring leader” as I put it. She was all about dividing and conquering everyone in the family, and appearances. Both having very reactive and explosive reactions, they failed to resolve conflicts in a calm and mature way. I used to have to smooth things over between them as a child. Everything always ended with an apology to my mother, regardless of the situation. My father used to laugh in my face anytime I expressed frustration, anger or disappointment towards my parents. It has made any form of relationships extremely difficult. It’s going to take time and work to trust people. All I know is that I never want to be anything like them.

[@Teriyaki-vj8ny]

Yes I am at 57 but been working on it for years and getting better. Its my biggest accomplishment and hard work but so worth it. It opens up relationships i had never experienced growing up ❤ So grateful for you Dr Nichole 🕊️❤️🙏

[@nicolehetherington5275]

I am excited about the possibilities.. of what can open up now.. if I open my heart up, keep my heart space open .. continue to do the work on healing the wounded aspects. So great to read your comment @Teriyaki-vj8ny.

[@Teriyaki-vj8ny]

@@nicolehetherington5275 You too babe ty so much for your response gives me so much validation my people are out here. ❤️🙏🕊️😘

[@marinakiell1069]

I feel like when I try to confront my mom on an issue where I’m mentioning my feelings she beats around the bush indirectly saying my emotions don’t matter.

[@MarikaMeos]

it's amazing that everyone can have a child without any mental check ups.

[@kwooooo]

It wouldn’t matter even if all parents were screened for abuse. Abusers know how to hide that they are abusive, otherwise they wouldn’t get away with it.

[@GinaMartina2023]

This is why I I am consciously and intentionally not a parent. It’s such a big responsibility and there’s so many ways that we can negatively affect a young, impressionable being without even realizing it. We need to do the work on ourselves first before we raise another human.

[@adora721lux8]

My mother fits all the listed traits. To this day, she takes no accountability even after I sent several of your videos to show her how it was for me growing up with her. Nothing registered and she continued to make excuses.

[@CikisHelyzet]

I’m sorry. I know you can’t get your message to land no matter what you do. You’ll be told it’s you who should be apologizing eventually. It’s hard to stop wanting accountability, isn’t it? :( Take care of you.

[@lucindasavona2278]

Sorry to say but she won't change. My mother is almost 84 & is the same. I've decided not to waste any more of my breath, time or effort on her because she will never listen & will never change.

[@gothica3605]

I went NC with my mom because she refused to get better or receive help.

[@djomega8462]

​@gothica3605 Mine forced me into therapy at 12 because I was an 'unmanageable child.' Meanwhile, she called the cops on my sister multiple times; got into constant screaming matches with my sister; sister skipped school/classes 2-3 times a week avg (still not sure how she graduated honestly); sister would literally threaten and attack people when angered. But, ya know, I was - and still am - the problem child. And my sister was just 'an outspoken, emotional teenager.'

[@baassiia]

​​​@@lucindasavona2278I agree, it's better to let go, we can't Fix them. Concentrate on yourself and let them be. It's actauly freeing and liberating. None of us is perfect, if there was no abuse or/and addition I wouldn't jugde them so hard. They were raised by unperfect parents too. They just tried to survive same way as we are.

[@Addylupo]

Had a highly reactive, highly critical mother; and an emotional unavailable father. I was the eldest daughter, and the scapegoat. The patterns of people pleasing and denying that anything happened to me lead to a lifetime of repeated abuse from others because, even though I was dragged through psych appts through my teens, the finger was still pointed at me through different mental health condition labels.

[@ElenaVasilenka]

you described my to T pretty much ... to hell with them :)

[@DamePerdita]

My mother displayed all of these the last time I went home. She disrespected my boundaries, then expected me to apologize for “hurting her feelings” when I upheld my boundaries. She was almost never available, but blamed me for not providing her with low grade interaction. The one time I tried to have a substantial conversation with her, super respectfully, she became upset and later told my father that I had “picked a fight,” and implied that I had a personality disorder. I’ve heard that she praises me to others, but she almost never respects me through her actions; she ignores most of my attempts to engage with her about things that matter to both of us. The only consistent thing about her behavior is how volatile it is. But I can’t go no contact with her without losing my father. I try to grey rock.

[@johndafoe9276]

My husband and I jokingly call your videos a "menace" because they so often resonate with our experiences. Just wanted to share how relatable they are for us. I really appreciate your videos, tips, and advice. Thanks for all that you do ♥ For me personally I definitely have a very explosive mother who very often will invalidate my feelings. "at least your procedure isn't as bad as the one I'm getting" was said to me this past week. I did respond to her though and told her it was not a competition and that I know she meant it as comfort but it just made me feel awful

[@Poodle_Gun]

If she talks to her friends that way, she might have autism

[@e.1766]

While I was listening to this I started thinking...this is basically 'the Greatest generations' parenting style; this is how pretty much all of Our Parents were raised, so no Wonder We have the issues we do. Thank you So Much for these informational videos, they are Incredibly Insightful, Educational, Informative & given w/ great explanation & honestly, Love. Bc I can Tell You Really Care. Thank You, we can see now! 👁️🥰👍

[@athenas_atheneum]

My parents, check all the boxes in both categories. Me, I check one from each, the same one, " reactive/explosive". I'm not in denial, I've been working on it and if I asked my kids right now, they would probably say, that it's still not great, but definitely improvement is being made continuously.

[@cfamick]

Wow, this is about me! So much resonates, just a big toxic stew that's so difficult to even describe that therapists dismiss it as "ovethinking." And I know it's so much more, it's this. Thank you!

[@TB-11-11]

You described my mother. To a tee. She's in her 70's, and health/finances mean we are living together. It's exhausting.

[@SP-ml3bs]

My dad had all of those except focus on appearances. He was highly reactive/explosive (and would physically abuse me), controlling, blamed me for making him angry, and was emotionally unavailable. No wonder I grew up hating myself and thinking I was defective and bad. I am doing a lot better now thanks to therapy and support groups.

[@kellyquasha657]

Sounds like the same traits for people who haven't healed from their own hurts from childhood. It might be just me but the word immature seems to imply they're made a conscious choice to be that way. Working with parents myself, I ask myself what would I want to hear from a professional, that would be supportive and would encourage me to get support. If someone said to me you are emotionally immature, I might get defensive because it's human nature to defend yourself from attack. I get much better response when holding positive intent expressing that they are worthy to get support for what's happened to them in childhood.

[@taz2906]

My mom checks all the boxes. I sometimes wonder if it’s because of generational trauma from her parents. But knowing is half the battle, and I don’t let her get under my skin anymore. I have hope it’ll get better, even if I’m the only one doing the work to improve.

[@baassiia]

Good for you, we just have to let go to be able to move forward. I don't like her content because she is mostly showing how others did as wrong. Yes they did and what now? We should blamed there for all our failiours and let the cycle continue? No. We should accept what happen and do better. Holding all those blaming/hatefull feeling will only hurt us. Letting go is liberating. My parents were far from perfect but I would be last to go to social media and say some very private Information about them. This women does it non stop. I am sometimes thinking that she is still in hate cycle.

[@actias8615]

I've recently realized (or re-remembered) the ways that my parent has hurt me over the years. I learned from an early age that I couldn't really trust them due to the constant neglect (working long hours), but I managed to self-gaslight myself into thinking it was somehow my fault/I was overreacting. Suffice it to say I relate the most to the parent being emotionally unavailable. My parent almost never made time or space for my feelings. My favourite sign of this is how they always comment on how I sigh a lot and tell me to stop, but never stop to ask me why I'm sad. Something I'm learning/trying to internalize is that I wasn't crazy or demanding too much from my parent - It just threatened their worldview too much to accept how much they hurt me and to take accountability. Their inability to accept my anger and pain is just a reflection of how incapable they are of loving another person, and not a reflection of the child.

[@mon-taffitan]

My last argument with my dad, he blamed all of his actions on me. They asked me a question and as soon as I brought up that something he did hurt me, he started to interrupt. So I admittedly lost my temper and told him to shut the f up and let me speak. (I’ll be the first to admit I could’ve handled that better). Regardless though, I don’t agree with him that my words gave him the excuse to bring my child into the conversation, consistently talk over me, refuse to leave my house when told and threaten me. The entire debacle was nasty and isn’t the best look for me either I won’t deny. He approached me later claiming he wanted to reach middle ground, and the conversation became a game of dog pile on me. I have unresolved issues I never felt like I could talk about because he never listened? Clearly my fault. My husband doesn’t like them because of how they treat me? Obviously my fault. He decided to bring my child into an argument that had nothing to do with her? Well I cursed at him so clearly he had no other choice! Because of that entire shit show I’m no longer talking to my parents. Today actually my mom just texted me, showing no indication that she even understands what she and dad did wrong. As much as I want my parents back… I don’t know if they’ll ever understand, let alone take responsibility for the fact that a lot of my issues are their fault. :/ Edit: I can definitely relate to focusing on their appearance as parents. I fully believe that’s why they won’t take accountability for their mistakes. If they do that, they’ve now admitted that they weren’t as good of parents and they believed they were.

[@indiafinn11]

My parents are exactly like yours. My father is dead and my mother has just given me the silent treatment when I brought up things she has done to hurt me…AGAIN. I’m done. None of my family ( except my brother who died at 28) can admit to doing anything wrong, take accountability or apologise. Ever. They criticise and put me down, and invalidate my emotions. I have no contact. It’s really time to put my own healing ( I have multiple physical stress related illness, like MS) to my chronic freeze response and recover from the abuse I suffered as a child. They were very clever at and obsessed with looking like perfect parents with the perfect home. My mother will put me down to my own children and helped turn them away from me. It makes her feel better about herself and her own emotionally neglectful and abusive parenting. I’ve finally learned to give myself love and validation so that I don’t need their breadcrumbs.

[@alisonfisher1877]

It brings me no satisfaction to say I think this is what the vast majority of boomers were/still are as parents.

[@mamamia1105]

Absolutely and I think it has a lot to do with being raised by the silent generation.

[@Poodle_Gun]

It didn't really help that in the 90s, there was something called "first time obedience". They just told parents what they wanted to hear: you have to maintain control in the household, so if your kid says anything other than "yes sir" or "yes ma'am," they get disciplined. The kid's not allowed to defend themselves or ask questions. Yeah, like the house is going to set on fire if you hear your kid out lmao. I don't pity them being dumb and young, because there had to have been a little of something in them that wanted to be that way. It's what they wanted to hear.

[@Ghhghjkjk]

This came at a perfect time-- thank you. Growing up with a single mother like this made me feel incredibly alone and gaslit

[@goosecaboosee]

I really enjoy the format of your videos. You keep them short and to the point. Your channel has helped me a lot, especially your shorts!

[@Nina_Kowsari]

Thank you. I Wish I had seen this video last year. Information is everything. Will look for the next video on how to handle the EIP or even people who were raised by those parents and internalized those behaviours and show up the same way in relationships.

[@4peaceandharmony]

Resonate with all of it. Received a good mix of all of that from both parents. Hooray, generational trauma! 🎉 Back in the day, no one was really discussing these topics. It's nice that it's not as taboo anymore.

[@gracerodriguez2200]

Thank you so much for posting this! I knew I had CEN but this describes my uncle a lot. Except for the appearances part. It hurts to just get nothing but critism and no love, and I've always wondered why.

[@gal2463]

Wow!! This is so familiar. My mom is an emotionally immature parent. She always wanted to make it look like we were the perfect family. She was very emotionally absent. She would tell me it was my fault she smoked because I stressed her out.

[@026585]

Haha I just want to give an example of what “explosive” really is… they’d literally jump up at the slightest thing that upsets them and storm over to physically attack you. Makes me scared of conflicts as hell for a while cause I thought that’s gonna be most people’s reaction and I don’t want to be mentally prepared to get into a physical fight all the time. Yep, still a long way to go to get over the harm immatureness has done

[@tahafarooq5824]

There was a silence before storm and the storm was an anger outburst. i was really scared of whats Gona happen now it was an irreparable situation once my mom got on silence mode, M reading your book how to do the work. And i thought my childhood and my parents were just perfect, best. And never understood why i had all the trauma symptoms nd no reason why i was like that. Now i see because of you. Healing is yet to come.

[@melrebel0774]

Thank you a lot, I feel better because you understand.. Not many people understand❤

[@bawbak8800]

You are just literary explaining my parents in every detail I am sad and feel some pain in my stomach now

[@ryannesumbry4130]

This was my parents to the core

[@dubaiedge]

Oh my God. All of it. But to the extreme. Extreme, extreme. Throwing the upstairs downstairs when angry, all the furniture they could lift. Including us. Because we were basically that, furniture. Ugh. New subscriber 😆. Thanks

[@C4RYB34R]

i had parents like this, and was abandoned by them both befoe puberty. i grew up a a ward of the court, raising myself. never knew parental love. the warmt of mom's love or dad's approval. i just wanted love. now im a broken adult who is a people pleaser and attracts narcissists.

[@CoocooBird247]

My dad yelled at me when I got water out of the sink faucet instead of the filtered part and said, what are you trying to do poison me? I grew up very confused about myself like what kind of person I am. My mom would tell me growing up about the time when I was around four and my grandma was watching me during the day while my mom was at work. And one day when my mom came home, I apparently said to her that I didn’t want her to come home and only once has she told me I said that because grandma I had to leave. All other times she left that part out. She would tell it in a way that made me seem like I was so mean and wanted to hurt her. I recently told her it’s hard for me to apologize for something I did when I was four. She hasn’t brought it up since. Her way of teaching me that that was wrong of me to say, was by pretending to pack up all of her things in a suitcase, and she apparently went all the way out to the car and put it in the trunk and that’s when I ran to her crying saying don’t leave. So at 28 years old, I realized that that’s probably one of the reasons why I grew up, hating myself and feeling like I was born a bitchy person, basically. My mom has also said things like your father is the way he is, you can’t change a person. Of course I would be dismissed when I would say, but they can change themselves, and other people can positively influence them and help them with those changes if they do want to make them. Especially for the sake of a relationship / marriage. I feel like I grew up being my mom’s therapist. Just so she could have someone to dismiss and feel smarter than. One last thing, when I was learning math in like the fourth or fifth grade, my dad would be like you can’t add 24+7 in your head. I have recently found out I’m dyslexic, so I felt like something was wrong with me growing up. That came with feelings like not feeling good enough and like a disappointment. And then, when I didn’t develop like the rest of the women around me, I am the smallest of an A cup, then I physically felt like I wasn’t good enough and a disappointment to everyone around me. Being a size 0 hasn’t helped either because I’ll get comments like we can’t invite the skinny girl to hang out with us and I get left out. If I talk about these feelings too to other women, I get, well at least you’re skinny. I practice managing my emotions these days much better now. But it has taken a lot of work and will probably continue being a work in progress for a while I’ve accepted.

[@kristinmeyer489]

5:03 It also teaches you through modeling to EXPECT the same kinds of dynamics from others, which really messed with me at first, when I ran away to college. I learned that others DIDN'T necessarily want to hurt me, being dishonest about it. I learned acceptance on face value and it was so refreshing, my freshman year was the happiest year I ever had, and then my sister came out the next year and I didn't realize it at the time, effectively cut my newfound freedom from those invisible chains.

[@Poodle_Gun]

My mom did that too. She sent my brother to my school on purpose. She said it was his only option. No, there were better options. Demonic woman.

[@ElenaLearningForeverToInfinity]

"is a parent uncomfortable around your emotions" it is a rare adult that is comfortable around the unpleasant upset emotions. in my experience, 5 out of 2 thousand are comfortable around unpleasant emotions, the rest are almost immediately trying to soothe me at slightest mention, distracting me from the actual point, even though I've processed everything and don't need soothing, or is it just me with this perspective? who knows anyone with parents who were comfortable with their emotions in childhood? especially the older people who all got spanked for everything. how did any of them come out comfortable around emotions? how about "I'll give you something to cry about" which was not unique but standard, what percentage of population came out of that with comfortable around emotions? this is me sincerely trying to understand. where do I go to meet someone to observe as a not causing trauma parent? and. wasn't it just "common sense" that showing affection to a child, even a baby, was going to spoil them? how did that work and how did antibody survive this emotionally into a productive life? want criticising children normal? is it just me that I came from a messed up family so I never meet "normal" non traumatised people?

[@thenarrator6846]

I remember my dad took us (my sister and I) to our older brother's baseball game and after he said "That girl was bullying you." He wasn't worried about anything the girl said or did to us. He was ashamed that *his* children let themselves get bullied like that

[@lillifrei8504]

Both my parents are really just that, I'm now in my mid twenties and in the process of working out all of that. Can you maybe do a video on tips for going home over christmas? Also, I love your sketches - thank you 💞

[@Agra586]

I appreciate you highlighting emotionally immature/unavailable parents' behaviors, thank you!

[@Slice998]

Even today, at 38 years old my parents won’t listen or take any advice from me. Why? Simply because I am their child and their egos won’t allow it. They still try to invalidate my opinions and drop their 2 cents in the most self centred ways possible. Thankfully I’ve found peace with my wife and kids so I don’t need to waste energy on my parents now, however I know how difficult it can be for those who are stuck under their spell. You are not alone, stay strong and I would urge you to move away from them as soon as you are able to stand on your own two feet.

[@gothica3605]

My mother would cry over spilled milk but then tell me to, "get over it" whenever i was faced with a problem. You'd try to get her to be accountable for hitting you and, she'd say, "you made me do it ' My mom was only ever affectionate when she had an audience. She only mentioned that she loved me when someone was around other people. I was never told that she loved me when it was just the two of us.

[@janetbetz2790]

Thank you for such informative videos. You add a layer of depth to the information by explaining why it matters and how it relates to symptoms/traits in survivors of the behavior. P. S. Thank you for giving more information than is in the bullet points! Omg. Seriously. It is probably one of my neurodivergent quirks but it is so pleasing when a presenter uses bullets as they were intended!

[@domeatown]

Every time I remind myself to settle and breathe and not get reactive over small things and then feel silly... I remind myself of the alternative.... Not stand up for myself and then then explode when I finally snap, like my parents did. Don't put up with bs. Dont snap. Take decisive action based on your values so snapping is not required. Dont make people guess or dance around, adults or otherwise. It's hard to not be this person when it's all you know. Im getting better, tho.

[@ninecatsmagee8384]

My mother was all of these. She's nearly 100, in a care home, still flinging accusations and blame at me for her problems. All you can do is detach. Be reasonable but removed from them. Parent yourself. Acknowledge yourself.

[@simplysunmoon]

I love these new style of episodes you do - it is very valuable by taking only short amount of time from audience and giving whole in formation related in a very digestible way! Thank you for the work you do for beautiful planet and humanity ❤️☀️🌙

[@Myatheroses]

What’s the difference between this and narcissistic parents? Sounds similar to me. I’ve had teachers too who were like this. As if having parents like this was bad enough. I’m a mess now. I feel suicidal a lot and simultaneously guilty for having such thoughts and my own emotional bottling and exploding has caused me to not have lasting friendships. I attract cold or dismissive people that allow my my more anxiously attached side to feel continuously heartbroken and scared to lose. Or I attract people who are either too nice and too mean, very volatile.

[@TheDavveponken]

I think it is the same as a narcissistic parent, or possibly borderline (to me those two are just two ends of a spectrum).

[@Karishma_Unspecified]

I resonated with all of this, but I have a question: how does one differentiate between the human faults of a parent, and parental abuse? I don't expect my parents to be perfect - no one is - but I wonder at what point their mistakes became abuse. I'm stuck wondering if abuse is a set of behaviors, intentions, or intentioned behaviors. I don't want to repeat patterns outside of them.

[@TheDavveponken]

I believe you can abuse without the intention of abuse. As Patrick Teahan (another therapist available here on YT) says, love is actions and behaviour. And, for myself, I would view parenting or being a partner as "a contract" of sorts, or as with any loving relationship (or any relationship for that matter): You need water to survive, just like love and understanding, to withhold it would be abuse in my opinion. Hope that helps. Personally I was hung up on their intentions to the point I didn't really allow myself to see their mistreatment - it turned into another way of discrediting my own thoughts and feelings.

[@Karishma_Unspecified]

@@TheDavveponken Hmm... interesting perspective with the contracts. I wonder (this is not to invalidate your experiences in any way, I'm just confused), how does one know which aspects of contract failure is something you accept/rework your expectations on, and which ones are abuse -> meaning you leave. To your point, I agree that withholding love counts as abuse as opposed to simple contract failure - especially with parents, but probably also with partners - Intentions be damned! I wonder if there are examples of contract failure that are not abuse. I too was stuck on intentions for a while... the thing I have to tell myself (and keep repeating regularly) is "Good intentions don't justify bad behaviour - they merely contextualize it". Thanks for replying to me!

[@TheDavveponken]

@@Karishma_Unspecified Well, in the context of parents I guess the matter comes down to - how badly did they mess you up, and are they still doing it? I.e. have they taken accountability for their behaviour, apologized, and ACTIVELY taking action to change it? That is, can you continue the relationship safely. Is there trust still there? Is it salvageable? These questions are, to me, more important than any objective factor of abuse or not. Can you trust them? It's like with cheating I guess. Is it abuse? Did they not abuse your trust? Didn't you trust them with your intimacy/your vulnerability? From my own life I can't unsee how they shaped me into a scared weak individual with low self respect accepting abuse as a grown up. It has caused me great pain and ruined romantic and personal career opportunities, and now, from trusting the wrong person (a psychiatrist) I've lost cognitive and emotional abilities - essentially my whole being. I find it very hard to be around them since they are the fundamental reason to my distresses in life. Of course, happy to discuss. Anytime.

[@notashroom]

Abuse is usually unintentional, except with sociopaths and psychopaths, although narcissists will sometimes do it intentionally as punishment for hurting them. Most of the time, it's the result of dysfunction and dysregulation. My (narcissistic alcoholic) parents and stepparents didn't intend to abuse us, but it was absolutely the outcome of their words and behaviors. I now have compassion and some understanding for how they got the way they did, and can deal with my mother (at 85) like I would my younger cousins if they had her tantrums and such, with detachment and compassion (the rest are dead or gone). Still plenty of healing left to do, though.

[@innocentnemesis3519]

For me, neglect is abusive - however unintentional it was. But it’s slightly easier to accept the fallout of something which is unintentional. Your mileage may vary, but knowing my dad had a really traumatic childhood and that he’s not a bad person at heart helps me accept that his neglect was literally the best he could do.

[@EclecticCoach]

This is my mother and my father but he wasn't around I really appreciate these videos because they help me feel seen and not alone. I don't know if I'm ever going to have children but if I do I'm doing and will continue to do so much work on myself so that I never show up that way for my kids. They will have everything I didn't have.

[@sibelgunduz1539]

I appreciate what you do through social media. Each of your videos including shortsi is an eye opener to the point. Thank you for yo,ur efforts and generosity for sharing your expertise and wisdom and experiences. Greetings from Turkey

[@theresacash4182]

My parents never said anything to me unless it was negative. They always told me about how I didn’t measure up the things I wasn’t able to do. They would say you can go to college and then when I was accepted to college they said you’re not taking my money and going to college! So yeah, . …….. I don’t think I was much better parent. I see my daughter now struggling with her emotions around herself and her children just like I did. We’re both a little more aware now, and are working on securing better relationships for ourselves and between ourselves thank you, Dr. Nicole.

[@kassandrajayne8789]

100% 2 parents, one volitile and aggressive and one was either in victimhood or narcasistic, if the aggressor wasnt around. Understandable coping strategy I suppose, but wasnt easy being raise by emotional incongurence. Your videos are so helpful TY ❤

[@AlexGardener8]

I am 100% ei person. My whole day is mostly sleep walking, the only communication I can have is with psychologist for one session max. My family interactions were always about toxicity, toxicity and more toxicity. I only know toxicity patterns and no relationships possible. 24 hours a day I am outside of my body and my interactions with people are weirdly reactive I just adapt on the fly to something. I also have a weird inclination somewhere deep to do everything against my family wishes or opinions even to this day, although I have no much opinions for myself. It is all very weird and chaotic

[@jumbolumps666]

My parents were/are professionals at this. Any time I opened my mouth I was met with judgment that I and my feelings were inconvenient, melodramatic, and invalid. Meanwhile their temper tantrums were somehow completely fine and warranted. My parents would not call people back and then claim within earshot of me that I never told them (I DID, they just didn't want to take responsibility), they would regularly tell me that everything I did was a reflection on them so I'd better act right for their sake, my mother still thinks she's perfect and flat out across the board never apologizes to anyone for anything, and after 40+ years of parenting they still have zero clue how to emotionally connect with their children. I suggested therapy but they don't see why they should do that because they "didn't do anything wrong."

[@davidteovogel3482]

My mother is guilty of all of those traits. She was when I was a kid and still is today. She blames everyone else for her feelings and her problems but takes no accountability for how she verbally abuses others, and if you dare point out her misbehavior, she becomes defensive and makes excuses for it. Not only has it made a mess of my parents marriage, but it makes it difficult for me to go back home because mom is always starting arguments with my dad while we are having dinner. He tells her to stop but she doesn't.

[@LisaSilvt]

Fully aware of these traits since years without knowing what it was. I managed to self reflect and use self development through books, videos and recently your contents to extend myself and actually understand, these things were real. I still feel deeply sad, an intense sadness about being the scapegoat.. thank you to help to put words on these - not normal behaviours

[@zuhoerlady]

Thank you so much!!! Can't wait for the next episode to learn how to deal with it. In my case every sign was relevant, but mostly nr. 2. Or this affected me the most. Thank you for sharing and explaining ❤

[@Nina94771]

My god this is so on the nail. I used to think l had one parent on the extreme, overt of this and idealised my other parent. Now I’m almost 30, I realise they are both EI. One passive, one aggressive. They both have two different sides and are unpredictable and sensitive about themselves but barley anything else. They both also care about how everything looks. When I look good, am working hardly home, they praise me. But when I’m home, in comfy clothes or god forbid Ill, they treat me completely differently and almost act annoyed that I am not upkeepjng their 24/7 ideal me. Time for therapy and time to move out again 👈🔥🙏

[@nicolehetherington5275]

I call BINGO! ... my parents, and my grandparents.... Aye Carumba! I am listening... to you Nicole .. nodding my head. My sibliings... do the same... and their partners. An example.. is I went to a funeral.. and I sat .. next to a sister in law... and when I started to sob and cry.. ( allow to myself to cry... and express that ) they reached across my niece who was inbetween us.. and started tapping my back... like smacking my back.. a little bit too forceful.. and the message I got.. was be quiet!.. your noises and expression of them.. = crying.. is making me really, really uncomfortable. I reflected on this recently. I was diagnosed with major depression, when I was about 19 years old, and more recently complex ptsd so it makes ABSOLUTE sense.. that if I was raised .. not expressing actual emotions.. holding it in... and . depressing all of my feelings.. holding them all down..... then I am gonna get ill. Hello... mental ' illness ' / Hello.. diagnosis.. DSM. I can HEAL this root cause shit now, cos I have a better understanding and connecting the dots. NOW.. I am working on... honouring.. and allowing ALL feelings... and expression of them.. as a daily practice. I am going to start going to 12 step Adult Children of Alcoholics and / or Dysfunctional Families, which is based on AA concepts.. just tailored a bit differently, to learn how to connect to my inner child.. and work through everything.. to clean it out, get new perspectives, and be in a safe environment to express whatever is going to come up from the depths. LIfelong work.. yet I am up for it. Thank you so much for this simple and clear explanation.

[@vertanishock7900]

This just helped me make the connection to my own parents' seemingly unhappy nature. Tho the next step is uncertain, it feels like small boundaries are needing to be set in place.

[@lindahall3546]

I'm 65 now. Every word that you just said is exactly how my parents were. EVERY WORD. It was horrific to grow up like that. Plus I went to Catholic school where the Benedictine nuns were brutal! for 6 years. Then I went home to brutal. I could tell you some stories that would make your toes curl

[@paulastarkey9973]

A lot to answer for, the catholic church.

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

Never screaming or yelling but ice! She made sure that we had food, a home and good schooling and clothes but no hugs or even a pat when you've done well; when I had a head accident she took me to doctors etc but I was broken and of no use.

[@Ayarane]

My mother is all of these. She's gotten worse since my stepfather passed away, but I never really felt safe going to her about anything. The few times I dared to reach out, she attacked me and made me feel even worse. I've been through so much that I can never ever tell her about because I know she'll throw it back at me. I used to stay in my room all the time while my stepfather was alive, because he and my mother fought all the time and I was always terrified about walking into a minefield. Now I'm scared to leave my room because I don't know if my mother's going to have another meltdown over the smallest thing. Though... not leaving my room doesn't mean much if she comes in here to ramble and heap stuff on me anyway. She has no concept of boundaries. So really, nowhere is safe. My siblings have distanced themselves, but I don't have that luxury (tangent: disability benefits are insultingly not enough to live off of, you literally cannot afford even a crummy apartment with them). So I'm really stuck and cannot leave. I'm the pin keeping the greater grenade from exploding. It's exhausting but there's nothing that can be done. I love my mom and want her to get help, but she won't hear any of it. And I'm supposedly the "immature" one between us.

[@innocentnemesis3519]

My parents af 😂 I was the scapegoat child who really just had undiagnosed autism / adhd. The praising me / talking about me in public (my dad was a Dr and would tell my classmates my embarrassing private nickname during their appointments 🫠🫥) but being *extremely* critical, aloof & dismissive in private is too real. They were workaholics concerned with keeping up a busy medical practice, but had no emotional or energetic capacity to keep up the same pleasantries with their kids at home like they did with their patients all day.

[@torduck4804]

Both of my parents are this way, yet my dad, as much as I love him is highly manipulative and as a lawyer is extremely good at turning everything round so anyone else was to blame. Unfortunately growing up and even now I have to out manipulate him just so he doesn’t become unbearable. I don’t like it and that I still have to use these tactics, but is there a way around this when you’re working with someone who’s incredibly emotional immature and unable to self-reflect?

[@sabrinarae4835]

Both of my parents are this way, but I’m wondering if anyone can relate to the following experience? Whenever something really bad has happened to me and I go to my mother very upset looking for comfort, nurturing and empathy, she just has a blank stare on her face and doesn’t say or do anything. Then I ask her why she isn’t saying anything and she just shrugs non-chalantly and without any feeling or caring whatsoever says, “what am I supposed to say?” It has caused me to feel that getting upset about anything whatsoever is a major flaw. She never had any reaction and immediately goes back to doing whatever she was doing before. It’s incredibly incredibly rejecting and painful. I try not to go to her for anything anymore but it’s been such a major trauma in my life

[@angelaunderwood7660]

Oh my gosh this is like my whole family as well as everyone else’s family that I know! It’s literally no wonder we’re all jacked up emotionally 😂! However, I am VERY glad to begin noticing my own emotional immaturity as well as the desire to correct it. I truly desire to change my own self first so that I can help my kids.

[@rickyrae]

Your videos are amazing! My step mother was such an EIP! My dad never stuck up for my sister and I. We were responsible for the cooking and the cleaning, and we never did it good enough. My step mom even thought it was ok to wear my mom's clothes(who passed when I was 13).

[@Sarah-with-an-H]

I’m here because I’m having a very difficult time right now. I’m disabled and so I have to rely on my mom and she made stuffed peppers I didn’t ask she offered. When I ate them there was one bite that tasted like mold. When I told her what happened she immediately got defensive which made he look really guilty. I have an autoimmune disease and part of that is because I’m highly allergic to mold. She has a history of doing things out of spite and resentment and probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing what she’s doing. I honestly don’t see any way out of this other than dying.

[@tvorskytvorsky6488]

Just your second video I'm watching but certainly will not be the last. This video is a must-see for any Gen X latchkey semi-feral 70s kids. I have watched thousands of vids to help deal with affects of childhood PTSD, and many say similar things as you. I had almost given up hope of hearing something that would strike a profound note. But then your video popped up. You, doctor, are a master communicator whose words just seem to resonate with more tambor to my psyche (and I suspect those of many others.) Thank you Dr. Lepra. Tonight and for every night in the foreseeable future you will be a mainstay of my daily gratitude. I look forward to your many other videos and well worded analysis. Thank you thank you thank you.

[@kaitlinbridges9170]

Literally everything you said is relatable. I can finally see it when I visit her.

[@einahsirro1488]

For a long time I thought I was a cold person with very few emotions. Now I realize that I tamp down my emotions so that I can attend to everyone else's, and it definitely started with my mother. She's still an emotional roller coaster (with a drinking problem) and to this day (I'm 58) whenever I'm with her, I'm hyper-vigilant, and utterly focused on what she's feeling, and what I'd better say to not make it worse.

[@kallejahrollins4668]

im just finding out this term yesterday.I cant tell you how happy i found a word to what my mother is. I always knew that she was a bit immature. But to find out there is a whole pathology that comes with that is new to me. My mom is an EIP even till this day. She wanted me to raise myself when i was younger. She' has never been interested in me my life or goals. As i get older i realize why i felt how i felt when i was growing up. Ive seen how she gets unconfutable with my emotions.

[@mpk77734]

Totally resonating with me. My mom was like this to me and I am doing the same to my daughter. Really wants to get out of this pattern. Thank you so much. This helps a loooot.

[@DebraVerrall]

Instead of being praised to other people, my mother would say things like "oh, she probably thinks she's better than me" And then tell me she'd said that . Aren't parents supposed to want their children to be better than them!!??

[@user-hr8rn1hf9i]

This is all my experience with my parents. So many horrible memories around these traits. I have literally no memories of them acting mature and wise with me.

[@lizaddison5751]

This is my Mother and it's sooo painful!!! Was never given a chance to be a child and void of a mother...

[@user-dr6vj8ez9q]

Food for thought & Reflection! Thank you for this!!❤

[@syvinderdonedat]

I cannot believe how all of these applies to what I have experienced, not one even missed. Every child deserves to grow up in a loving, healthy family environment 😢

[@umchileanywaysso]

Nicole's thumbnail game is so cute 😂❤