Trans Men and Baked Terror

[@Undeadpuppyprince]

Tyler really just said trans rightssssss As a trans guy follower of yours, this means so much for me.

[@KrystineBrown]

First dude: Ouji has so much range give it a try

[@shycherrygirl]

The world needs more people dressing in Ouji

[@HunterLvyiXIII]

I am going to seriously look into this - A genderfluid person

[@AlexisSirena]

I am a Trans Girl and Love Ouji still to this day, it’s super androgynous

[@fuitgummy308]

*i s h a ll g i v e t h i s a t r y*

[@jamieisnotokay3298]

I'm non binary and I LOVE ouji sm. I'm putting together my first coord soon!

[@percivallavoie4415]

"The manliest man man who ever manned" - Tyler Willis 2019

[@melaniescribbles]

Why did the creative part of my brain hear that... And pictured Saxton Hale from Team Fortress 2 in the frilliest, pink and purple princess ballgown that it could possibly muster up in my imagination? And I mean he's standing with one foot on the head of a knocked-out alligator, and he's just wearing his mountain boots under there like nobody's business. ...Actually, that sounds aweome, I might actually need to draw this someday.

[@bunnibun148]

@@melaniescribbles please draw that I would pay to see that

[@ZydrateGoblin623]

Can confirm as a trans man who was having a similar issue (being interested in Lolita-esque fashion but not being comfortable in skirts/dresses) I ended up getting into Ouji and good god I love it, it was so much more my aesthetic and what I wanted out of j-fashion (PLUS! BUTTCAPES! SO MANY BUTTCAPES! ALSO TINY CROWNS! IF THAT'S YOUR THING! it's my thing, i love tiny crowns)

[@Loki-pz1uk]

Fellow butt capes and tiny crown enthusiast here, do you mind if I ask if you have any good resources for buying ouji?

[@unholierthanthou7748]

Tiny crowns? Say no more, i'm in

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

I'm a cis lesbian who thinks lolita is pretty but the poofy skirt is not my thing. (I do like skirts, but more long flowy ones) but ouji sounds right up my alley. Buttcapes and tiny crowns are awesome and I now deeply desire to look like a vampire prince. I know male lolitas are a thing and that the community welcomes them, so are female oujis also welcome?

[@ReptilianTeaDrinker]

@@EveryDayALittleDeath If male lolitas are accepted, then I'm sure female oujis are accepted too. :D If it makes you happy, go for it.

[@soda-thief]

@@Loki-pz1uk same places as Lolita, such as closetchild, lace market, devilinspired, and so on, only more rare. AatP, Atelier Boz, Black Peace Now are all brands that regularly produce Ouji clothing, although some other brands occasionally dabble in it as well. plus, I've seen many ouji alter skirts into pants, which is a perfectly viable option too, especially if you love the print aspect of lolita. Fairytale Prince has a wonderful tutorial on how to alter skirts into ouji pants yourself, although you can also get it professionally done. Altering the skirts into capes or vests is also a perfectly viable option. wish you luck on your journey!

[@laurinedelamater]

Sadly the trans community does gatekeep itself by examining binary interests, which is incredibly counterintuitive. It's getting better, I think, but it is a real problem

[@yuo3670]

I mean they have good reason to. There are a lot of people that pretend to be trans for minority points. I was one of these people. As a kid I wasn't gay or trans but I wanted to be a part of these groups because I thought they were so cool and different so I told everyone at school that I was a trans man...So did a bunch of other girls at school. We all became gradually more uncomfortable with not being feminine enough so I became a "feminine uke" is what I used to call myself. I really liked yaoi. So you know I became "trans and gay" for the sake of being different and my love of yaoi. I was 13 at the time. I started hating being called male though but I didn't wanna tell people that I didn't wanna be trans anymore lol and literally the next year every 13 year old girl who was calling themselves a trans man was a girl again. People love jumping onto labels that don't belong to them and these people often end up embarrassing the trans community. It's reasonable for them to be protective of it.

[@koolarooo]

I think a lot of it comes down to a sense of self preservation gone a bit off track. I think it comes a lot from gender conforming trans wanted to just be gendered their preferred way and they see gender non-conforming people as a threat to that. I’m personally more into gender abolitionism in some sense but society is no where near that point.

[@laurinedelamater]

@@yuo3670 I'm talking about the adult community, not kids. Adults telling other adults they can't like certain things or present certain ways because they think it means they're a poser. I'm nonbinary and usually present pretty femme, out of preference and safety, but no one has the right to invalidate my, or any other person's, gender identity

[@laurinedelamater]

@@koolarooo this topic had a big blow up recently with Contrapoints on Twitter. Imo people need to focus on themselves and how they find their happiness through their identity and stop worrying about others, it creates an alienating and toxic environment (esp for us nonbinary folx) to constantly call into question whether someone is truly "valid" or not, as no one can experience the feelings of another person.

[@dcscruz2970]

They have to because of the de transition percentage getting higher since many do say "I'm trans" but don't really have gender dysmorphia which is the thing that makes you trans.

[@pizzaengrey]

As a fellow pre-HRT trans man, and a lover of pink stuff, I can say that I totally get Johnny’s feelings about lolita and skirts. A lot of people policy trans people for not looking 100% like their gender stereotype and it’s BS, especially when we’re all trying to defeat gender roles and stereotypes. I’ve seen people being called “transtrenders” (another stupid ass term) just for having dyed hair. Wtf.

[@janellem.6744]

floyd chainsaw I KNOW god, those “”transtrender””” caricatures online (you know the ones; the nb ones too) are actually so harmful. I’ve been wanting to dye my hair pink for ages, and I’ve only just gotten up the courage to do it recently. It’s so dumb to me, because the same people who are doing all of this gatekeeping and exclusivity are doing the exact same thing they complain about facing. Everyone gets misgendered, being a trans person sucks generally, so why is it necessary to make it worse??

[@pizzaengrey]

Janelle M. because they think they’re gonna take away their hormones and stuff. Except that it doesn’t work like that. The possibility of people regretting their transition is also not a valid reason to gatekeep

[@Cachalyce]

To many of them I bet I would be a trender too, because I have long hair. Well, bad for them, I'm part of a community where lots over lots of men have long hair. Actually, some gatekeepers show realy funny reactions when I show them pictures of longhaired male Metalheads (with and without beards) and most shut up then because boo-ya, the men in the pictures I choose to underline my argument have really nothing feminine about them.

[@mewiarts4749]

“If YoU wAnTeD tO wEaR dReSsEs YoU sHoUlDvE sTaYeD a GiRl”

[@Rose_tinted_heart_eyes]

OUJI IS A THING?????? HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF IT?????? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IVE BEEN SPENDING THE PAST FEW YEARS STRESSING OUT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS TOO MUCH OF A TOMBOY TO WEAR LOLITA BUT I CAN JUST WEAR OUJI INSTEAD AND STILL FEEL JUST AS PRETTY???? MY PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN SOLVED?????

[@melissaroule8871]

Ouji totally is a thing! I've seen both guys and girls wear it and they've all looked fabulous.

[@Rose_tinted_heart_eyes]

Melissa Roule dude I got to get in on this!!!

[@BexxiM]

Fuck, I have been following Lolita for years and I have never heard about Ouji. I need to get in on this.

[@mewiarts4749]

Yes!

[@RollingScone]

I just don’t understand why you’d try just coating a cookie in resin when silicone molds exist??? Just make a mold of the cookie and hand paint it??? I just- holy shit.

[@katekursive1370]

There's a proper way to safely preserve a food item in resin, but putting some on top is not it. Channels like Peter Brown go in-depth on the process. It involves soaking the thing in resin completely and using vacuum pots. It's not easy. There's no cheating in crafts! :D

[@verybarebones]

Silicone is way more expensive

[@fruitygarlic3601]

@@verybarebones If your job involves making crafts, I don't see why you wouldn't use the craft materials. Buying silicone and silicone molds is a necessary business expense.

[@ladylibrum7145]

Someone trying to save $

[@armoredwings4182]

@@verybarebones The *mold* is made of silicone, not the thing you're trying to mold. It should only be like $12 to buy a premade cookie mold. It's worth the expense of tools if crafting things is how you make a living.

[@jaimzag]

Trans man here: when I first came out around aged 18 I tried so, so hard to be super masculine - cut my hair super short, got rid of all my feminine clothes etc. but I slowly realised that I still wasn't happy. I was 'passing' but I wasn't doing so as myself. My personal fashion style is so broad and ranges from masculine to feminine and repressing that just to 'pass' wasn't good for me. It took some time but I've built a wardrobe back up and even on the occasions I still get called 'miss' I find it easier to shrug it off because that's their mistake, it's on them to not make judgements, not me to conform. I hope any other trans guys out there who love feminine styles can embrace that and live their true selves and be happy - it can be a long, windy road with steep hills, but I believe you can get there ♥♥♥

[@starryluna5688]

Same here. I still struggle a bit especially reading the "fakeboi" comments online, but I know better than to let the bs people spew online seriously. Honestly if I'm dressed ultra feminine and people mistake me for a woman, whatever. An off comment from a stranger shouldn't matter anyway especially because as a goth I get WAY worse. I have yet to have a problem IRL with my comm. I have introduced myself and people have been nice and open minded. I answer any questions anybody may have and the rest is just about acting normal like yourself and focusing on your interests. I find that if I don't make a big deal of it, others don't as well. I know it gets tiring for some to hear, but a lot of times people won't be shitty in person because they are afraid of backlash. Honestly I find I get more bs (once again online) from other trans men because as Johnny stated in his letter to Tyler, they claim we can't be feminine at all, but in part I feel like it is a little more deep rooted than just within the trans community. There is a thing against gay men being feminine and I think part of that bleeds into the trans community as some take on that toxic masculine mindset.

[@jaimzag]

@@starryluna5688 Yeah, from what I've seen it's mostly trans people blaming other trans people who refuse to conform for 'making us look bad', rather than blaming transphobes for being transphobic. I'm definitely guilty of thinking that way in the early days of my transition, e.g. talking about "trenders" and such, but as I've matured I've realised that transphobes are gonna have an issue with trans people no matter what I wear, so who cares?

[@Cachalyce]

Kinda same here. I live for my long hair and really suffered when I had cut it short in order to pass. Lucky for me, I discovered Metal back then and found rolemodels that way. Men with long hair that no one would call something different than a man. But oh boy, the reactions of some people when they realize I'm a longhaired trans man. Metal community? Cool, I'l call you a Dude then. Trans Community (some, not all)? YoU sUreE yOu ReAlLy TrAnS? (well, I also made the expierence that the tart to disbelieve you are trans if you want to think you steps trough and don't rush into transition, at least HRTand Mastek, as soon as possible - in best cases getting HRT 6 Months after you first discover you are trans) And other people somewhere in between. Altought I had to deal with misgendering alot before my voice cracking and my beard gowing, but at least I could feel as much as myself as possible. It's just hair, even if it's long hair.

[@janellem.6744]

I can’t get over how strong Tyler’s Texan accent gets when she gets heated about something 😂😂 But, I’m just gonna say that the first submission and Tyler’s reaction to it moved me. I’m a non-binary person, and I usually try to present as androgynous as possible to avoid a) harassment, and b) people calling me a “transtrender.” It’s only been in the last few months where I’ve realized that presenting feminine in some situations makes me really happy and confident-just like presenting masculine in some situations makes me feel. I’ve loved lolita ever since I was fourteen years old, and last summer I bought two coords and wore them to conventions, and it felt amazing. I’m getting more confident now, but I still don’t like posing pictures of me in lolita, or any sort of “feminine” attire, on the Internet in fear of people saying exactly what Johnny described. Tyler’s reaction, as a cis woman mind you, really made my heart feel full. So Johnny, or any other AFAB trans people reading this, you’re not alone. There are people in the trans community who will stand up for you. And if nothing else, at least we know that the Salt Queen has spoken in our favour

[@RavenSutcliffe]

Truscums are shit. I'm an AFAB nb trans person and nobody's gonna take my frills and long hair away from me. "Transtrender" is not a thing. Sending much love

[@icedromeda9410]

Honestly same, but with goth Lolita

[@cecilross2848]

Etsy has a lot of cutesy pronoun buttons, and you can decorate them with rosettes and bows to go with different coords! Much love to any other trans-male lolitas bc it can be difficult to walk the line of dysphoria and lolita!

[@graveyardpansy]

Cecil Ross hi cecil

[@cecilross2848]

@@graveyardpansy uwu

[@MrAidenBowen]

Tyler: " You can be the manliest man man on the entire Earth and still wear a frilly pink princess dress" Me: Ladybeard!

[@lisayarost1457]

The cookie brooch is the reason that Regretsy used to exist. God, I miss regretsy.

[@erina6319]

What was regretsy??

[@Gemmagems577]

@@erina6319 regretsy was a site that poked fun at terrible stuff sold in etsy. You can probably still find archives with their stuff.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

We love Tyler being respectable towards trans people and trying to help him feel comfortable while wearing the fashion of Lolita. Okay but Tyler, when is Lolita and Ouji not in small sizes? Who needs to breathe when youre in the Lolita and Ouji fashion, am I right guys?

[@bluefox5331]

As an XS, for me lolita is usually not "small" :D I dont own any pieces and I'm not a lolita- I know, a bit weird beginning. However I like the looks on a lot of blouses and Id like to buy one in the future so Im scrolling some random shops for fun when bored. Good thing blouse doesnt need to be tight fitting, cause my waist is probably like 60-62cm knowing what I usually wear and what measurments the shops show for my size. We both have a bit of a struggle with sizes I feel, just the opposite, lol.

[@Nonabelle]

There are some Ouji shops (like Ichigo15 on taobao) that do custom sizes on various items.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@Nonabelle Will it cost me my other arm? :"3

[@Nonabelle]

@@elvingearmasterirma7241 It's only a few dollars more than the list price (which all together tends to be about 30-40 USD) in the case of Ichigo15, plus shipping and the shopping service fee. gorgeouspluslolita on tumblr has a list of shops that do custom sizing, as well as some shopping services.

[@elvingearmasterirma7241]

@@Nonabelle I need to move to America. I live in South Africa so that free shipping? Out by the window. But I do appreciate your answer and will keep it in mind when I have a moment of weakness and must finally buy Lolita.

[@marygreenapple]

As a non-binary trans person this speaks to my heart. I've decided to do both, ouji and lolita, but the fear of misgendering is real. Hearing you say that clothing has no gender made my day, really 💖 thank you ❤️

[@veajes86]

VENT POST AHEAD, IM SORRY IN ADVANCE- LMAO: As a (mostly) feminine presenting non-binary person, I’m in tears? Hearing that you can dress fem but still be masculine sounds obvious to some, but when you’re held to a certain quota of male-ness in the trans community, it’s painful? Like.... society doesn’t get you, and says you’re wrong. But other trans humans get secondhand dysphoria from seeing you in public. Or shame you for wearing fem clothing but having the audacity to claim you’re not cisgender. It’s allot. Ive been blatantly told my existence is fake and I’m a trender. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t talk about my gender expression, I just AM. If you ask, I’ll tell you, but I just want to exist and be comfortable, and not held to a standard based off of someone else’s experience. I’m just as valid, why do you feel the need to fight me? Just- thank you. For putting your frilly foot down. That felt nice to hear. *-gets off soap box-*

[@clownweaver]

honestly, a big mood!

[@sidspit9983]

PeachieVeachie i fucking hate the term second hand dysphoria bc it’s.. Not a thing???

[@SkyeID]

I can relate so much to what you said, as I am FTM trans/non-binary and a skirt wearer.

[@byrnetdown6076]

I started identifying as non binary because all those preassures stressed me out too much and people kept calling me a tender

[@limepie7181]

@@sidspit9983 I do think it is a thing. At least for me it can be. Mind you I don't get second hand dysphoria when someone wears a dress. But e.g. seeing a bare female bust makes me incredible uncomfortable: like I- want- to- take- a- knife- and- cut- my- chest- off- uncomfortable. But I don't think anyone should be shamed for wearing something feminine when being a trans guy or nonbinary.

[@leehu1624]

Thanks for this video Tyler, I'm another trans man (albeit one who's started his medical transition) and I can't describe how relieved I feel knowing that members of the Lolita community and J-Fashion community (esp one who's as visible as yourself) are aware, accepting, and empathetic towards the transgender and gender non conforming members of the community. Unfortunately, it feels like walking in a mine-field in my day-to-day existence both online and irl because I'm a man who enjoys wearing makeup and more "feminine" hobbies. Entering any new hobby, or space, feels like playing Russian roulette. Are they going to be accepting? Are they going to be polite to my face but talk behind my back? Am I going to be putting myself in danger by introducing myself by my name? Knowing pretty significant portions of the EGL and J-fashion community are at least respective, is a large weight off my (and I'm sure for other trans people's) shoulders.

[@SkyeID]

I'm female-to-male trans and I present myself in a way that folks would call "feminine": long hair, makeup, dresses etc. But I just decided that I don't care what stupid society thinks. I'm gonna be me and wear what I like! Amazingly, when I stick up for myself, and live as my authentic self, I get respect and admiration from people. I don't care if some hater says mean things about me behind my back. I don't need their approval to live my life, and TBH I wouldn't want approval, acceptance, or anything from crappy people like that!

[@orangejuice782]

It's been a while since this video was first uploaded, but hi! It is I, Johnny from the email! All the support in the comments and from Tyler herself was nearly overwhelming when I first watched the video and read the comments between classes, I almost started to cry ;w; This community is so supportive and sweet and resourceful and honestly!!!! I LOVE YALL SO MUCH!

[@FattyChan]

tyler willis demolishes truscum for 10 minutes straight AND GOD I REMEMBER THAT CRUMBLING MARIE BISCUIT PIECE

[@frame9964]

lmao "truscum" because its a bad thing to think you need dysphoria to be trans

[@erina6319]

@@frame9964 no, "truscum" because they don't accept nonbinary folks. There is more than just the binary.

[@DetectiveNyx]

@@frame9964 it is a bad thing, glad we came to that understanding :)

[@monodramatic_]

im also a trans man who wears lolita, and this video made me tear up. it means so much to me to see such a prominent figure in our community being so supportive and helpful and understanding. being a trans man in lolita can be so complicated, and having this support from our cis lolita sisters is so special. very excited to meet you at youmacon 💜

[@jequirity1]

I’m a minute and 47 seconds in and screaming “ouji” into a pillow

[@ManicPanda]

As a trans guy the first one really made me happy, I was having a bad day, thank you Tyler for cheering me up ^-^

[@SkyeID]

I'm female-to-male trans, and I was also having a bad day until I saw this.

[@hannaholson4999]

As the "baked terror" portion of the video began I thought, "No, surely not...It can't be!" and yet the conclusion was exactly what I feared. "On what planet is it OK for jewelry to mold?!" -Tyler 2019 PREACH

[@MorseB]

If "Peter Brown", right here on youtube, can make a functional cereal bowl from actual fruit loops, then a stablized cookie would be perfectly fine. Its totally doable, but it requires a vacuum chamber and the right epoxy. It would not crack, contain bugs, or be unsafe. It might however, be a tad bit shiny.

[@ravenartherholt8687]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@jellyem]

Was thinking the same! It's a matter of doing it right. Which they obviously didn't. Now someone who has the ability totally needs to sell cookie brooches. 😂

[@drowningsummer9071]

So you’re telling me I’m not the only weirdo that is interested in Lolita and wood working!?

[@ravenartherholt8687]

@@drowningsummer9071 You should look at soap making. That is also on my list. 😅

[@pastelhotmess9299]

It melts my heart that you love diversity in such a big community, and also, even if you don't think you are, you're a pretty good therapist. I respect you!

[@Nahsaghara]

As a jeweller, that second story offended me on a deeply personal level. Just... why would someone do that? Why?? 😦

[@se9706]

I think another problem with the real food thing is allergies. Like imagine you're buying a product that you think is just a food imitation only to realize that it contains ingredients that could cause an allergic reaction 😰

[@hannahcastaneda2690]

lol at the real cookies being dipped in resin. The sellers could have made silicone molds with the cookies and used those instead of actual cookies!!

[@Avellania]

But then the seller would have to paint them very realistically. Instead they took the easy and cheap way.

[@gummmie]

a youtube channel called C Channel has easy tutorials for semi realistic desserts jewelry it isnt that hard lmao

[@supergeeky7529]

but that's too hAaAaArRdDd.....😣😂😂

[@vreemdear6344]

I get nervous when I see a cis person on youtube about to talk about trans people but Tyler you absolute saint, you handled that question better than anyone❤❤❤ Love you!!

[@drewpagie9485]

Cookies lady needs to make a cast of the cookies with silicone and then make them out of resin.

[@elenafort8231]

I love that the second submission sounds like a lolita urban legend.

[@bqp8736]

i LOVE hearing the texas accent jump out when you're getting angry about the cookie brooch, like a boost of extra power

[@lizhasasthma]

This video really had everything I love about the lolita community; wholesome support for fellow human beings, and just absolutely batshit ridiculous horror stories.

[@flamebloom4659]

DROP EVERYTHING, THE SALTY LOLITA QUEEN UPLOADED!

[@HurricanePixie7]

Flame Bloom Right! My thoughts exactly- so made my day!!

[@cosmicquartz]

Tyler, your approach to answering the dudes question was without a doubt one of the most respectful ways you couldve done it. As a trans man who HAS transitioned and fully "passes" , voice, post op, facial hair all that, I STILL struggle with wearing lolita. I've wanted to for YEARS and havent yet, but this honestly was helpful to hear as it just reaffirmed a lot of what I already thought but as a somewhat bigger name in the community, hearing it from you was a cementation that lolita isnt just for girls, but even that ouji isnt just for boys either. I have cis women friends who prefer ouji and cis men who prefer the dresses, but it's easier for them being cis, no one is gonna call their identity into question. I think you handled this top notch, and your nod to the pronoun button wasnt selfish in all honesty.

[@JeepersSqueakers]

I really needed a video like this today! I’m also a trans man who’s been interested in lolita and ouji both for a long time and im glad to know most people in the jfashion community will accept me especially since ive been questioning if i even wanna risk it recently as i get closer to getting a steady income flow where i can start my collection and have recently become an adult.

[@SpookyWhispering]

I just wonder how people can research lolita for more than a week and not encounter ouji, if you type "male lolita fashion" it comes right up as the first 50 links and a tidal wave of pictures.

[@lostmydamnmarbles]

HONESTLY! like when i started in the fashion i saw mentions of ouji and aristocrat in lolita 101 blogs and articles im pretty sure they mention it multiple times on the lolita-tips tumblr too

[@jasper3706]

I really hate how most ouji stuff out there isn't very pastel, I've wanted to dabble in ouji for a while but it's hard to get inspired when everything is gothic and I am very, very not gothic

[@slimmmeiske2780]

@@jasper3706 Have you checked Taobao? I've seen everything from Sailor Ouji to Wa Ouj on there.

[@chelsiemalfoy]

Lol I remember when that cookie thing happened. And someone decided to make a Madonna crown out of french fries in response.

[@daisyduck4094]

lolita helped me deal with my dysphoria so much. im a lolita and had ftm gender dysphoria all my life, with no hopes for successfully transitioning. medical possibilities and finances aside, this is mostly due to the very nature of my dysphoria, and my lack of belief that transitioning can "cure" my specific case. i gave up. i no longer identify as someone on the trans spectrum, and try to live as a feminine woman. while transitioning works for many people, and finally puts them at ease, it ended up making me more miserable. pretending to be a "normal" woman causes me less grief. to put it simply, as i would e.g. put on masculine clothes, i would feel "right". but this would be short lived. i would put on clothes i felt at home in, but the relief would be soon overridden by a lack of body confidence, numerous insecurities, and the dysphoria would urge me on, infinitely, to alter myself further in a hopeless chase for these glimpses of relief. after i settled into clothes i felt good in, it would make me notice my shapelessness as a man, my cringy "manboobs", etc. then come the binders, followed soonafter by more negative attention to the hips. i just dont believe that there would be an end to it. i would be stuck in a limbo: transition as much as i can, and lack the funds for the extensive surgeries and further and further alterations of my physical body, which the dysphoria fools me into believing has something wrong with it. and my hyppocrisy is, if i saw my very own body on a woman, i would find it to be well built, attractive, healthy. but my mental illness is telling me that im a disgusting shapeless sack of meat. i understand that it is problematic to consider dysphoria a mental illness, and many trans people merely see it as a part of their personhood. but after all these drives to angry self mutilation, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, etcetera, i cant see it in the same "non-stigmatized" light as most of the more optimistic trans people. standing in front of a mirror and wanting to dig a knife into your own tits is not healthy, let's put it that way. i cant speak for others with gender dysphoria, since although taking similar forms, it is a largely personal experience depending on context and severity. but this type of dysphoria i struggled with since early childhood, before even understanding my own personhood, has been a nasty thing. it tells you that you are not a girl, that you cruelly trick people by pretending to be one, that despite your efforts to present yourself as F, people still see you as a "crossdresser" and judge you for being a "freak"; that you dont pass for the very gender you were assigned to at birth! that you look off, too masculine, that you're a "crossdresser". and as a man, you were facing the struggles of being trans. never being "enough". and yes, presenting myself as "my own gender", as a woman, felt like crossdressing and i believed that people saw it too. in pre-school i would refuse to wear trousers because then "people wouldn't know im a girl", and this sentiment continued all my life. i felt like this "duty" of being a girl was put on me, and i must pretend to be one despite """knowing""" that i am not a girl at all. now this is where lolita, as well as other very feminine styles (like 30s vintage) come into play. wearing a fashion so feminine definitely successfully "tricks" people into seeing me as a woman, or so i tell my dysphoria. my disguise, my costume, is successful. i feel at peace, finally, that i pass for a gender. though i feel like a drag queen, i know that people don't see me as one. though i understand that they always saw me as a passing cis woman, i convince my dysphoria into believing so too. i lived my life, and still often do, as a boy in a dress. but lolita takes attention away from my masculinity, and makes me feel in a way beautiful, and thankful for being dainty, for my feminine features (which otherwise just prevent me from feeling the comfort of finally being a "real man"), and it helps me appreciate and embrace what i am physically. it is very complicated to explain. i dont know what i am and what i should identify as. maybe it's not as complex as i think it is and im just a trans man too deep in the closet. i guess i just needed to vent. i know that my dysphoric beliefs about myself are irrational, because my body has always been petite and hyper-feminine, my face delicate, and nobody is ever overwhelmed by the masculine features i perceive in myself (or my dysphoria tricks me into perceiving). its feels less for me that i am a man at this point, and more that i still am just a fake woman. it took me years to analyze my relationship with my gender, and i still see my "male" aspects, i appreciate them, but i cured myself of believing that they get in the way of me presenting myself as the woman i must accept being. my manhood is just like a secret i have with myself. i would often sit, overanalyzing myself. thinking of the roots of my disorder, thinking of ways to live with it, ways to conquer it without letting it conque me. i think a lot of my issues with gender come from the fact that our culture shoeboxes us into what it thinks gender *is*, what it ought to be. perhaps that not being "feminine" at heart makes you less of a "woman", convincing you into seeing yourself as a "man". and even though i know this, i still can't *feel* myself to be a woman. the statement "i am a woman" feels like a lie everytime i utter it. if we get more abstract, it might be to do with me being raised by a bunch of women, without any men around, which prevented me from developing an understanding at an early age of what gender dynamics really are like. i don't know. but what i know is that lolita helped me a lot. i can be embrace the feminine, without feeling irrational self-loathing. sorry if i triggered anyone's dysphoria by writing all this. if you're a trans man and plan on transitioning, i really hope that it goes well for you, and my experience is strictly my own. transitioning just wouldn't work for me, and lolita made my existence as a woman bearable.

[@radmune5]

I’m a trans man who has been on t for more than 3 years. I havent gotten any of my first bits of ouji yet (im very particular in my taste) and i am definitely more on the goth and military side, but PLEASE understand that trans men that are claiming that others cannot enjoy cute feminine things or want to wear frilly things are unfortunately a very outdated and very vocal minority. I love pink and frills and bows and even if it is not for me, it always makes me very happy to see another man, trans or not, enjoy it and make it work for them. If you are seeing a lot of the opposite sentiment, make new friends and find other trans and LGBTQ groups that arent ignorant.

[@writer.damien]

Hi, also a pre-t trans guy one thing that has helped me with dysphoria as a whole and also because I love feminine clothes is I have slowly worked them into my wardrobe. I have a pink bomber, pink shorts, pink hats, floral shirts, and I'll mix things together so it reads masc in daily situations and I'll where it out with friends or gf who are openly calling me my name and using he/him so now I associate those clothes with gender affirming situations

[@Hicchat]

I've been watching you for a while n I stumbled back on this video n it was the first one that I ever watched of yours. your blatant support of trans men in the lolita community has really encouraged me to dive back into my love of this fashion n im forever grateful

[@milknhoneyhoney]

“You can be the manliest man man and wear a pink frilly dress” just made me think of Ladybaby lmao 💖💕

[@HanGojira]

tyler says kalvin garrah can huff paint and i stan

[@lovelylunette8335]

Adding advice for Johnny: once you get into a local comm, they will most likely advocate for you once you tell them your pronoun. You will still have to deal with people making mistakes, just like regular people, in regular situations, but my experience is the lolita community is full of people who will accept you and defend you. Good luck, man. Welcome to our community!

[@TheStitchess]

I wanna make a lolita themed horror short and include a shot of bugs crawling out of a cookie accessory

[@evinkrowe1334]

I'm more pastel and agender and I got pastel They/Them buttons and I can match them with my outfit and it looks really good. It can make me feel a little targeted or...stand out. but i'm so shy about my pronouns I find this works the best for me, so i 2nd pronoun pins if you're in a safe place

[@asherurmom539]

im not crying because a cis woman told me i can like pink and be a kick ass trans guy! but truthfully this made me cry i LOVE lolita tho i was scared because i didn't want to give my mom another reason to tell me im faking being trans for attention and because well i already get a lot of transphobia at school but after hearung what you said i feel more confident in my style and i will definitely check out Ouji and thank you fir teaching me about Ouji!

[@FaeLunar]

I literally never heard of Ouji until now! I’ve always wanted to get into Lolita Fashion but never really tried cause i just didn’t wanna basically cross dress all the time. I’m over the moon that Lolita had a basically complete male counter part!

[@zaggora7316]

Boy, girl, in between, etc.? Want to wear a skirt, wear one. Want to climb a tree? Do it. Play videogames for fun? Do it. Screw anyone who tells you otherwise. Just do it. Don't make cookie jewellery though, just don't.

[@aminishnamedvaati]

"Fling myself into the sun and cry so hard it is extinguished" I'm a feminine trans boy, but I can't really wear stuff I like because if I wear some thing to feminine, well, that sentence really summed up how id feel.

[@celeste9470]

I feel your pain collegue

[@StormyBuckets]

Ouji is like that post that goes "*is feminine in a masculine way that pisses you off*"

[@matthewsmith8402]

tyler is anti tru/sc/um and im here for it

[@snaileef]

AS A FEMININE TRANS MAN THIS VIDEO MAKES ME SO HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

7:37 being GNC and trans is very hard cuz transphobes will come at you SO HARD but it’s important to find friends and communities who accept you. In my experience alternative fashions (goth, Lolita, etc etc) are typically very accepting.

[@RUlNA]

i'm a Southern transmasculine lolita and ouji (depending on the mood) who hasn't transitioned and I understand the fear that comes with being a transmasc lolita! A lot of my other transmasculine and nonbinary lolita friends also use a lot of pronoun pins and there is a lot of push for genderneutral languages; ouji is definitely something he would to. I'm sorry about the gatekeeping from the other members in the trans community but I understand the pain. :C if he sees this, surrounding yourself with other people who think the same thing as Tyler is helpful. Good luck because you're not alone!

[@samyatang]

"You know, cookies and milk tastes good. But you know what tastes even better? *Cookies and resin* "

[@pavatti]

I'm a trans man and when I saw this video title I was scared, but I'm pleasantly surprised! I'm really happy you addressed this so well. I've watched lolita videos for a long time and my mom is finally going to help me try it out, but I've been really scared because i do want to use the dresses and skirts. I wish the trans community were less judgemental about this.

[@sonofthesea_x]

Fairly feminine trans guy here! To Johnny, my dude, do not be afraid to embrace your love of feminine clothing and accessories. And definitely don't let people tell you that you are "fake" cuz you enjoy this kinda stuff. Life's too short to live it without cute stuff 🧡🎀. So go out there, get the cutest ouji cord ever and live your magical, sweet dreams! I believe in you, my dude. P.s. And about your dysphoria, I'm super sorry about that. I know how hard it can be, but one day, when the world becomes a little bit more accepting and we can transition freely, it's gonna be so much better. 💜

[@calictii]

Hey I’m a trans man and I love lolita too!

[@Zaphtiera]

I'm a trans man too and I know that feel. The way I've dealt with being constantly misgendered (because it's not safe to be out where I live) is to make up a cis persona and just play that person. So I don't have to listen to ma'am and honey and sweetheart all day, Sharon can do that. Sharon doesnt give a fuck :)

[@levvy5879]

As a trans man in the jfashion community, I've never felt anything but acceptance in the community. While I'm not into lolita (anymore lol!), even while wearing masculine decora styles I still get anxious about being misgendered in public, despite the fact that I am medically transitioning. The jfashion community has been a beacon of hope in my trans journey. Thank you for making a video on this topic Tyler! Also, it was great seeing you at Delta H this weekend, even if it was only for a sec haha

[@princemomofairy2593]

I’m a trans man and considered wearing ouji to prom. I didn’t tho cuz it probably wouldn’t arrive in time

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

I'm not a lolita and I don't think it's quite for me, but I've been dipping my toe into alternative fashion and you are just really hilarious and I love your videos. I've also been thinking about maybe trying drag but I couldn't think of what I wanted for my Drag King aesthetic. And then you introduced me to ouji. OMG I am in LOVE!!! I just went from "that hobby's neat, maybe I'll try it sometime" to "WHERE CAN I FIND A MENTOR I NEED TO BE A VAMPIRE PRINCE" I dunno if my character will be be true ouji because if it's the male counterpart to lolita it's probably hella expensive but he'll be heavily ouji-inspired at the very least. Plus I already use cane sometimes due to occasional dizzy spells so this way I can keep one handy and it'll go perfectly with the aesthetic.

[@pinkwyvern]

As another trans dude, thank u for this video it means a lot. I'm comfortable wearing lolita personally (it doesn't trigger my dysphoria) but I still struggle with the shitty messages of people being like "transtrender" or "faker" if I present in a feminine way. You words mean a lot. AND LOL I REMEMBER THE REAL FOOD SHOP

[@jellyem]

I just..love you so much for all your talk about clothing not having a gender. I'm trying ALL the time to explain that to people and it's just..such a fight. x-x It's WONDERFUL to hear someone else who feels the same way! Just..wow. Thank you! I loved all of what you had to say about trans-guys wearing J-fashion. I'm like..in tears, stupid as it is. ^^; Thank you a hundred times.

[@Lavenders_Lucidity]

from another trans man who loves your videos thank you I had no idea ouji existed and you may have just given me a new favorite fashion.

[@byakuyatogami2905]

Thank you for talking about ouji as a Lolita type style for men. I'm an aspiring Lolita in highschool (2 dresses so far). And one of my closest friends is a junior who is pretty much my school dad. He likes a lot of cute things like I do, so I figured I'd try to get him into Lolita fashion. He liked how it looked but didn't wanna wear it himself. But because of Ouji he could join me in the quest for ultimate cuteness. Thank you for bringing it to my attention

[@yuo3670]

Exactly! Just look at Lady Baby! :D One of the singers is a big strong dude and he wears frilly cute things all of the way.

[@victorp8689]

Ladybeard is fucking awesome

[@domo3491]

This is such a welcoming community. It truly brightens my day :)

[@pastelhotmess9299]

Get a pet name generator IMMEDIATLEY (NOT THAT KIND)

[@ルシラムス]

The first story is one of the biggest reasons I don't identify as transmed anymore. Their community has gone beyond the statement "you need dysphoria to be trans", and morphed into a toxic mindset where everyone who *dares* to be gender nonconforming is a "trender". I thought we were over the whole conversation about gender expression and gender identity, but apparently only cis people are allowed to dress how they want... I don't care what any edgy transmed says, I can wear a frilly dress if I fucking want to, and I'm still a trans MAN.

[@srbulloa813]

Your thumbnail made me want cookies..ok so this us an edit now after listening to the story I dont want anymore cookies ....bugs, mold and etc blah. And OG is soo beautiful .

[@solarstar7509]

It's ouji

[@srbulloa813]

@@solarstar7509 lol thank you I missed heard it.

[@leslier302]

Your love for everyone, any human interested in fashion is so apparent here. thank you Tyler.

[@Ac3_Silvers]

Trans guy here, ignore name this is an old account: ouji/Kodona/boy style is awesome for this! I’d also recommend looking into adapting EGL and vintage style suits into the outfit, tbh. And if anyone is curious? I personally sew and crochet all my stuff. Like, Irish lace and everything. I am still a guy and tend to just avoid the online trans community cuz they can get really toxic about things that can be easily resolved with some research and civil discussion. I go by Toby now, just can’t figure changing my name on here.

[@anonimosdfsdf1592]

Tyler!! Thank you so much for answering that question! That's just what I had been needing to hear as a trans man, I didn't even know Ouji existed, but I'm so happy now that I know! I'll definitely give it a try, cause I always liked that style but didn't know what it was called. Thank you!

[@originalkingdomhearts]

People fail to understand back in the past everyone was ether in a dress, or were naked. Pants didn't become a thing till much later into modern times. And it was a group of idiots who decided to say " Men wear this and women wear this" bullshit. Wear what ever you want it doesn't determine how you identify. I hope you mange to join a community and enjoy the fashion regardless of your gender. It's just clothes. As for the seller, she should give everyone a refund and be reported, she knew fully well what she was doing, Instead of putting some time and effort into casting and sculpting she cheeped out. It;s not that hard to do. (for me at least)

[@originalkingdomhearts]

@@crazyweirdgirl115 Don't even get me started with the history on heels. So many people don't know it's original purpose. People need a history lesson before they throw worthless Shade.

[@SaIvat0re]

I have no idea about the woman who made the cookie broach, but that biscuit is Norwegian.

[@natashaelina]

The Texan accent really comes out to play when you’re ranting about the cookie incident and I love it lol

[@Jhud69]

I'm a trans guy and I love pastel things of all sorts, but I avoid buying them often because I feel like I'm not trying hard enough to be a man sometimes... Even though in my current situation I'm not even out to pretty much anyone and I'm not trying to pass or anything, yet I still feel guilty. It feels good to be reminded that it's okay for me to like "girly" things. I also feel that not wanting to wear skirts and dress thing... I'm only comfortable in pants, though I love how they look. Strangely enough I feel that if I ever start passing after proper transitioning I'd actually want to wear them though?

[@sanaburton9229]

I think it's pretty common for trans masc people to get more comfortable with doing traditionally feminine things the more we "pass" or the further into transition we go. I think its because if you pass enough to be read as a "man in a dress", you're still being read as a man, where as if you do feminine things while not being able to pass you'll be presumed to be a cis girl and that's like... the worst thing to be seen as, gender-wise, at least for me (not because it's bad to be a cis girl or anything, but because being visibly trans or gender nonconforming would at least acknowledge that you're TRYING to be something else, where as to be seen as conforming to your assigned gender as a trans person is just shit).

[@haematomanic]

the cookie story awakened some primal memories for me lmao but in retrospect it would have been so much easier (and hygienic) for that person to just make a silicone mold from a cookie and then cast replicas with the resin she was dunking them in etc

[@aurorahermione]

I remember the cookie brooch thing. I don't recall the bug stuff happening, just that one crumbled, and I believe that she did give refunds for those items.

[@VisualKeiMonster]

To all the trans guys - I feel you! As a transmasc enby I feel pressure to be perfectly androgynous and I can't stand it. Let's just let people be people. Also, to any guys who are hesitant to enjoy lolita: Mana. Just, Mana.

[@nope6021]

For any guy lolitas: ouji. It's really lolita with pants and a more masculine "price" type style. It is a bit different but I'm sure there must be sweet ouji or classic ouji or gothic ouji. Oh Tyler mentioned exactly this lol. I'm actually considering getting into Ouji instead of lolita because I'm non-binary and like an androgynous look. Having a very feminine face, Ouji would help me look more androgynous than feminine.

[@AmandaDuncil]

I remember a few creators getting popular back in Etsy's infancy for doing resin-coated food items. A real peep candy comes to mind, as well as some sliced fruits. The creators never tried to hide that it was food, but also claimed that the resin "preserved" the item. I always thought it was gross.

[@ladylibrum7145]

Tiddly bits and frick-frackery. That poison cookie is ADORABLE!

[@tackledkey3044]

HECK YEA TYLER!! I was terrified this would be a transphobic vid but you proved me wrong! Tyler said trans rights 🌈🏳️

[@georgina4336]

Tyler being an amazing human for 16 min

[@RavenSutcliffe]

I'm a trans nb DFAB person who loves fairy kei and Lolita and tbh the first segment hit me hard. I fricking love Tyler so much more now. (Also ooooh my god I remember the cookie debacle.... I'm ancient)

[@TheP1x3l]

Hey Johnny! I’m also a trans guy in the lolita community. I’ve been out and transitioned for over 5 years now. I wore the style before I was aware that I was trans and I still have a great love for it now because of what it represents. It’s just a level of self-care you can’t get from many other places. Please don’t let the gatekeepers get you down. They’re kowtowing to this very limited idea of what a man can be and they’re not doing themselves any favors by doing that. If a cis man can wear lolita, so can a trans man. Though personally I think I’ll stick to ouji because it makes me feel more comfortable overall. But if you want to go with dresses I absolutely think that’s a great idea.

[@UpsideDownTeapot]

as a non-binary person i was initially worried from the title of the video. but now i can seriously considering Ouji! Also, Etsy is a fantastic place to get cute and cheap pronoun pins :)

[@watercolourferns]

I'm a transmasculine nonbinary person, I understand how the first person feels because the expectations of the trans community do hit you hard. But you know what? You have nothing to answer for to anyone! You're you, your decisions are yours, and you can do whatever you want with your clothing. If you personally feel to dysphoric to wear Lolita, try Ouji/Dandy/Kodona. If the dysphoria you feel is because others are trying to tell you how to live your life, then first acknowledge the problem and try to fix it by ignoring everyone but yourself. "Passing" is such a stupid term and it should be outdated by now, since there's a shit ton of ways to live your gender identity that don't fit into the molds people seem to need. But you don't need to need them, break away from them and just be yourself. You're handsome, wonderful, amazing... just because you're you and there's no other one like you. I hope you find your place in your own time, a place where you feel comfortable and know you're loved and respected for who you are, not for who others want you to be.

[@wendyspiesman992]

If the opinion of an over 50 cis woman counts for anything, dress however you want. As long as your private bits are covered, F what the haters say. They are the ones with the problem. Dress how you like and enjoy.

[@MiyuKamiyama]

I fracking love you Tyler. This really made my day. Thank you.

[@unholierthanthou7748]

Me and a female friend are really into the Lolita style. (I'm a trans guy) and I had no ides Ouji was even a thing. That first email really helped me with the situation, and we now have plans to get into the fashions together and create cords that work together!

[@vaughn_erich]

Ooh, I learned about this concept of "fake trans people," aka Transtrenders, from trans youtuber Contrapoints aka Natalie Wynn. She has a video of the same name if you're interested. I am not trans and dont have any close trans friends so learning about the trans community/issues is difficult but interesting. Natalie's vids have a lot of cool production that go into them with sets, skits, costumes, characters, music, etc. so it's quite an experience itself beyond the information. Also shes funny and a former philosopher so she tries to approach things in a thoughtful and objective way.

[@saintsprayer727]

That top left picture gives me major Barbie Princess and the Pauper vibes

[@heatherlennox3695]

Now I want nutter butter jewellery, just not a real one. That story at the end was the equivalent of the macaroni sprayed silver type of jewellery that you make in kindergarten. but some crafters are deeply wacky. Great story!

[@cm4688]

'I hope they don't have floaties' I'M DYING

[@dimi.33]

Thank you for making this video! As a trans guy it means so much to me :')