Trans Woman rambles for 15 minutes straight *Dysphoria, Repression, Dissociation*

[@snakecheat9138]

Yeah keep the ‘little lady’

[@BellaVRC]

u fw the little lady? 😎🫶🏻💜💜

[@BellaVRC]

were you watching in 1.25 or 1.5 speed? 👀

[@stretchy7]

@@BellaVRC wasn't even thinking about that lol but I love your model regardless

[@BellaVRC]

why did i leave that first meat joke in 😭 girl wilin, too lazy to re-edit & re-upload tho ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@AthenaSSBM]

the meat joke was kinda beast spit ur shit girl 💚

[@SwaggyGoat7]

"Playing with my meat" is crazy but relatable.

[@BellaVRC]

@@AthenaSSBM😭💜 glad yall support the slightly outta pocket-ness sometimes 😎🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@BellaVRC]

@@SwaggyGoat7ikr, can’t believe this bella girl said that 👀 she’s so crazy

[@SwaggyGoat7]

@@BellaVRC NAH FR she's gonna be a trail blazer, an icon in the right to our freedom of speech. yeehahhh🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🇺🇲

[@elliefawnx]

Thank you for uploading, i feel dysphoric alot more now I'm in my 20s, I feel like I only recognise myself once week. Maybe once every 2 weeks. I can't really be myself now I've moved back to my parents. Appreciate this video alot.

[@BellaVRC]

Of course hun!! I’m so sorry to hear things are tough for you, & i’m so glad you’ve found some solace in my videos 💜 you’re always welcome here in our community

[@Frost_Bite_Fox]

Its surprising how relaxing it is to watch these kinds of Videos, also your Voice and Avatar are really Nice :3 Anyways, i hope youre having an Amazing Day :3

[@BellaVRC]

:3 i’m so glad they’re relaxing 🫶🏻😊💜 and thank you! i’m glad you like my voice & avatar c:

[@adkps4]

the "little lady" is pretty cute and cool pls keep her:3

[@yubiee_]

ONGGG FELTTTT ONCE AGAINN. But being able to find a source material to talk is hella good to have genuinely. I like the style a ton of what ur doing, it's awesome!

[@BellaVRC]

not the goopmaxxing 👁️👄👁️😭

[@fireclaw9602]

I'm glad YT is recommending smaller channels to me! I have only recently accepted that I might be Trans, and I am plagued by constant doubt. Like I don't mind being a man ( I am AMAB) but I also kind of wanna be a girl too, but that desire is not always front and center all the time. And the affects of HRT seem.....interesting to me.

[@bargainbincatgirl6698]

The experience of transgender people are pretty diverse. Is pretty interesting to hear the words of transgender people directly, because most of the time you only hear and watch opinions of cis-gender people deducing, guessing or even misinforming what trans-gender people feel or are.

[@lookimnotracistbut5695]

Just keep in mind that you don't have to force yourself into the binary. It's totally valid if you don't feel like 1 gender all the time. Maybe you're bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer or whatever. Your journey is all about self discovery and acceptance so don't let anyone tell you what to be! Edit: Do you mind me asking what part of HRT you're uncomfortable with? Or do you simply not want to commit to being a girl yet?

[@Sealionsonmars]

genderfluid signs ngl

[@shifty-penguin]

@@fireclaw9602​​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠i had similar fears and doubts as you before just deciding to go for it and start HRT in june. the constant questioning every single day was eating me alive. it felt like a leap of faith at first, but in hindsight it was the best thing i’ve ever done for my mental health. you’ll know instinctively whether or not the choice was right for you before any effects become permanent

[@fireclaw9602]

@lookimnotracistbut5695 Thank you for the kind words. I have considered if I might be under the non binary umbrella, but Idk if those labels feel right. As for HRT, it's not that I hate the effects, but that if I am making the right decision taking it, and as you said, not sure if I want to commit to being a girl.

[@Meridian2]

thank you for talking about these things i'm in a similar position to you where dysphoria isn't the main "marker" but euphoria is, and its been a major thing holding me back these 4 years. thought i was alone with this, nice knowing i'm not (on a side note, please keep the "little lady")

[@LucipherLZ]

6:32 I understand that, but I don't think that being feminine is only about liking sweet and cute stuff. I'm not trying to deny your gender I swear, I'm just trying to make you question those patterns too ya know, to show you that you can be a woman even if you are like a brute person hahah. Cause I think people try to fit in these boxes of what is a man and what is a woman and they don't realize that you just have to be YOU, and do what you think is the truest to yourself. And of course, that being said, you can be a woman who likes sweet and cute stuff ^^ Anyway, sorry for ramblin about this, just felt like sharing my point of view on this. And of course, I'm a CIS MAN (leaning into non-binary), so I could be wrong about some of this since I don't have the experience myself :^ PS: I'm brazilian, so sorry if the english is confusing :^

[@phrei9]

I agree with you as demigirl :3

[@BellaVRC]

Thank you for sharing, Maybe I’m just attracted to women & to softness separately bc harshness and stereotypically masculine traits are off putting, but i do feel an expectation of not being soft lifting or my shoulders the more comfortable in my femininity I am. i guess it’s sorta like women have more permission by society to be soft, and I love it, makes me feel at home in my identity when a woman treats me with compassion & softness

[@BellaVRC]

I don’t mean to imply women *have* to be that, more so that women have more of the permission to be that. That freedom, since it’s something I’ve been taught to bury, alomg with any hint of femininity, mixed with the fact that i’m just much more attracted to softness and women, i think all of it together just leads me to feel most at home & at peace in my heart with softer, more sensitive people in general, & women in general, leading me to feel most at home with softer women above any other combination of gender & emotional expression, softer at least in the way they express their emotions. Being able to be sweet and delicate and more kind, everything like that, is so nice. Harshness and any stereotypically masculine behavior in conversation, from anyone is just like so off putting and like foreign to me

[@samxjs]

I love your videos so much the way you talk about things and different struggles helps me a lot as well >w< I really like enjoy you rambling and the way you encourage others and staying positive is really sweet of you and i cant thank you enough for it. It makes me feel like im not alone and that if i keep going itll get better even tho its not that great rn :,3 Keep going and take care of yourself Bella thanks for uploading

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much!!!!! take care of yourself Sam

[@samxjs]

>-< thank you so much. Don't forget to drink ^^

[@Robinuchiha6992]

I feel this video so much! I worked in retail briefly for my semester off and it was a nightmare because of living in a red state plus being a cashier. I dread strangers more now. But something that helps me is to keep in mind what power you have in those situations. When I worked in places where I walk around if someone called me sir, I just ignored. Rude but they are being rude to. It makes me feel much better just vibing with myself because I have the power of who I talk to. Small steps are still steps too! And personal I think your voice is very feminine and beautiful. Keep up the great work grille!

[@Kapercap]

I really love how you talk about being trans. The feelings and experiences are unique and relatable. It's nice to have someone who experience some of the same things. I can't really be myself because of the people around me, and I have put on an act for so long that I had a period where I didn't know/recognized myself, or what I was like, and I think I had a lot of dissociation. Its only through being trans that I have learned so much about myself. Being trans is a beautiful thing and is a part of being human

[@phesterful]

HRT will make some of the dysphoria management easier. For me I couldn't even explain it completely; much of the impact of HRT was noticing the effects and then processing why that reduced dysphoria. I completely relate to what you're saying, thanks for speaking up and explaining these things!

[@Karoth313]

Wearing my goop suit prepared for a day of work that ended up not happening because of weather, it was nice to hear the therapist's story your friend told you. I like your gentle vibe and it totally goes with the avatar you selected! The calming energy of this video definitely gives me enough strength to get out of my micro rut and put something cuter on. Thanks!

[@TyroTyro_]

i have been having thoughts about gender and stuff a lot that wont go away and your videos have helped a little so thanks. im not sure what exactly im feeling, and it doesnt help that feelings are kinda hard for me to understand and interpret half the time. i still have a lot of orb pondering left to do but this channel has been a good help still so thanks :3

[@Lilly-Bloom00]

heyyy so I recently came to terms that I am indeed trans. Your vids are really relatable and fun to watch so keep it up girl

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much! i’m so glad my words resonate with you

[@Nic-pn8rv]

Thanks for sharing your experience of dysphoria in your dysphoria sucks video, it helped me realize that I have been experiencing dysphoria my entire life. You are amazing.

[@BellaVRC]

Aww omg I’m so glad I could help!!!! 🥹💜💜💜 this warms my heart so much, i’m so so glad. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to comment, and I hope my other videos rambling about trans topics (i have a playlist of all my trans related videos) can help bring more clarity to the whole thing for you

[@pawbwatch]

Your voice is so precious 🥺

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much!! 😭🥹❤️❤️🫶🏻 this is so sweet, i’m glad you like it c:

[@firelord3361]

Honestly just rewatched it, idk these videos give me so much comfort in my identity (though in my case not cus I'm trans, it's more being bi as a cis guy) anyway thanks for this girlie

[@BellaVRC]

i’m so glad i can make content you guys enjoy so much 🥹💜 it’s so cute imagining you guys watching my lil videos and having your day brightened up, it makes me so happy 💜💜💜

[@firelord3361]

@@BellaVRC Nawww

[@firelord3361]

@@BellaVRC aaah my reply wasn't sent welp, just wanted to say that these videos really inspire me to make my own, though I have no idea where to start, still, thanks for the inspiration lmao

[@BellaVRC]

@ What i do is just start yapping. I just hop on my PC, Open OBS, start recording and just let whatever comes to mind come out of my mouth lol

[@firelord3361]

@@BellaVRC omg that is so fucking sweet 😭💖 I'll definitely record something when I'll have time, my thiiccc accent just makes me a tad bit insecure to speak online at times. Also thank you so much for the offer honestly, it means so much to hear that, if I run into something I might let you know, but since girlie's channel is currently growing fast af, I don't wanna overwhelm you, as you got enough other peeps that comment or ask stuff as well :>

[@LucipherLZ]

Much love Bella, take care and be nice to yourself

[@BellaVRC]

Thank you so much!!! take care of yourself 😊💜 i’m glad it did too, thank you so much for watching 💜💜🫶🏻 c:

[@maplemaplebar]

there's nowhere NEAR enough comments on just how pretty her voice is! it just warms my heart!

[@TheIronDemon]

I noticed that I have been very dysphoric at work and when around family, both have been very clear but the dysphoric moments heavily outweigh the euphoric moments. Last night and even today, my mental health has been down. Your channel has been a huge help to me, being around someone else who has similar experiences/feelings as myself has helped me not feel so alone in the world. I wish things would get better but it is going to be a while until I personally can do anything to ease the dysphoria I face daily, but you and your channel helps me not think about it, Keep being the wonderful and amazing person that you are. We are all here for you. 💜

[@aurorawhorealis]

God you put my experiences into words well, pre-realizing it was just foggy dissociating and hollow, and since knowing myself better and having a goal and a comfort of feeling one's self it's like, living in real life now. Good luck to you girl 💜

[@BellaVRC]

I’m so glad my words could resonate with you 💜🫶🏻 Thank you so much, good luck to you too girlie

[@NatalieMnya]

your voice is so amazing and goals, and everything you're talking about is really relatable and true. im glad someone i know told me about you cause you are awesome !! 🤍

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so very much!!!! i’m glad you’re a part of this lil community

[@kringlostuberen8146]

girl u are so good at expressing a lot of this stuff its really amazing, my own dysphoria is coming back a bit with going back to school and i dissociate so much (today it took away a lot of my energy), but also i think im in a bit more accepting environment than u and a lot of other ppl >.< also i like guys and it was weird figuring out at first which "parts" were me being gay and me being trans idk, i also feel like im like less deserving or smth, or that i have it easy oh god im rambling >.< love to everyone 💜i really hope u all get to be exactly who you want to be

[@ravelordnito478]

I don’t understand how people cope honestly, I feel so othered constantly. I think that’s partially the dysphoria but even before starting transition I just felt so isolated from others. I have this constant sense of longing for connection that I just can never fulfill and it’s really difficult. I get this underlying feeling that I’m just inherently unlikable. I dunno. I wish starting transitioning would’ve changed something but I still feel like a freak every time I’m in a social group. I went out with a local trans support group for new years and they forgot about me and left me at some random bar. I know this is oversharing but like, genuinely, how do people cope with it all?

[@bitchtitchs]

Jesus I'm actually so sorry that happened. New years is such a shit time to be alone. I honestly just keep trying to do what I want to do despite how many times things get screwed up. If some friends leave you find some more and stuff like that. I looked at trans youtubers discords to find people similar to me to talk to

[@yangbang7260]

Mostly tuned out the gameplay and was focused on the lil lady, loving the personality that shines through ur lil physical mannerisms

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much!!! 😊💜💜💜🫶🏻 ^-^ i’m so glad you enjoyed

[@OlaniHinn]

I just realized I wasnt subsribed yet. Im so happy I got recommended a few of your videos, so I could fix that. 😊

[@BellaVRC]

😭 thank you so much!!! 🥹💜💜🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@dumbbjuice]

I discovered your channel a few days ago. Usually I shy away from leaving a comment. But: As someone who's struggling with her/their gender identity and gender expression, I love listening to your rambling videos, they give me insight into someone else's life and experiences I can often relate to. I try to present as a woman irl but dysphoria keeps dragging me down. Listening to you gives me feeling comfort and the knowledge that I'm not alone with my struggles. Btw your avatar is cute, you should use it more. I also like your voice, it is very pleasant to listen to. I wanted to write more in this comment, but I kept forgetting what I wanted to write down (sometimes forgot while writing a sentence). I hope you have/had an amazing day :3

[@Thoomas2001]

I don't know what it is about your videos specifically over any other trans experience talk videos that I've been gracefully been pushed into by the algorithm, but I always feel like I'm being pushed to the verge of tears when I'm watching your stuff and hearing your stories. It just feels especially relatable, comforting and cozy I guess. I haven't cried when listening to your videos, but plenty of times I've like I wanted to, and honestly I cannot decide if that's tears of joy, sadness, pain or maybe even something else. Whatever it is though, I also love the way you make jokes in between to keep the atmosphere light-hearted despite the heavy subject matter. Y'know, I also had a pretty rough day at work today, but I'm glad I got to hear your little ramblings upon coming home. Stay strong, Bella :)

[@daMrsbree]

Your videos are just so relaxing. Honestly, if you made like a podcast type thing, it would be the only podcast I'd enjoy listening to

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much! i’m glad you like them 😭🥹💜 i’m considering it 😳 are there any specific topics or events you’d be interested in hearing me cover? or just straight yappin lol ❤️❤️

[@daMrsbree]

@BellaVRC honestly, straight yapping will be perfect for me, but it all depends on your choices, lol🤍

[@daMrsbree]

@BellaVRC honestly both!!! I'm alittle more keen to yapping, but I feel like both have their upsides! Of course, it's all up to you, tho!🤍

[@grotebaby1827]

I like seeing your perspective, because it differs a lot from mine, as an ace aro agender (my friends call it AAA) i care next to nothing about gender as it doesn't inpact my live. Seeing trans people talk about their feeling really helps me understand why it's so important for them Also, women work at a slaughterer (i think it's called in English?), so don't worry if it feels unfeminine

[@TrublMakrs]

Thank you for these videos They make me actually feel something

[@BellaVRC]

You’re so very welcome, I’m so glad i can help

[@jamesservey824]

i swear all your videos just make me think of like an older sister teaching me to do my hair and having a chat

[@BellaVRC]

This is so cute i love this 😭💜 i’m honored to sorta be that figure a lil bit for you

[@EepyMia]

But how nice is your voice wtff also the little avatar is cute

[@BellaVRC]

thank you so much girlie 💜 the voice kinda ain’t voicing in 1k special, i was so dehydrated 😭💜 but it’ll be fine, it’s not like it’s a secret on here that im trans or anything lol :P

[@Radiantfoxy]

Whenever i see a video of yours you always manage to brighten up my day ❤ Im so glad i found your channel! (and yes i do watch the gameplay, its quite entertaining :3)

[@BellaVRC]

I’m so glad!! 😭💜 it’s so cute imagining you guys watching my lil videos and having your day brightened up, it makes me so incredibly happy 💜💜💜 I can’t believe i’m able to provide this to so many people, it’s just new to me, like a new realization that i have more of a power to brighten the world up than i realized. it makes me so dang happy 🫶🏻❤️❤️❤️ thank you for tuning in ^-^

[@Radiantfoxy]

@@BellaVRC ❤❤❤

[@4life919]

I love these videos to just listen and relate to :)

[@hiraveil]

i'm a very confused person i relate to this a lot bella 😪

[@santos-pink-867]

9:55 YESSS girl it takes time unfortunately BUT i love the positive way you are thinking. IT WILL HAPPEN AT SOME POINT. That's what matters. You're already a girl.

[@ehhwhatevericantthinkofago8903]

I believe in you! ur like not technically in 2ed puberty yet but honestly I would say you kinda are given your in an in between stage. And idk like puberty is weird and gross and awkward and you dont understand things yet. So like it's ok to feel like you don't get stuff yet, like the pieces don't fully fit and fuck its ok to feel fatigued by everything. I'm in my 5th puberty rn lol and I still feel like a mess. (fuck I cant wait to get back on E.) I do wanna say tho like it so gets better. Like I repressed for 3 years on E, not accepting myself as trans at all, and now that I'm fully out things still kinda suck sometimes lol but everything is so much fucking better. Like I actually feel like a person sometimes, and like am capable of feeling happy. Also like its ok to fuck up a lil, like most trans girls go through a hyperfem stage and it like def makes you stand out more, but that's not the point, its running from dysphoria, and trying to find your place in femininity, kus yeah gender is fucking weird, and to understand it yeah its nice to play with the extreams. like the whole meat thing is silly, but like it makes sense kus like dumbly meet = man, veg = girl, and thats dumb, but its ok that you feel that kus those stereotypes are baked into you. also like the ur gay bro shit is like yeah, dumb, but like masculinity is like crazy policed,a and any deviation is "gay" which is dumb and so reductive. (also trans-misogyny, whipping girl is a good book) Imagine trying to write an intelligible comment, lol! im to busy for that shit.

[@Pineapplefish]

Would you ever consider streaming? :p

[@NoTalentsGuy]

Take care, wish ya feel better💜

[@jo3y960]

I LOVE WOMEN

[@BellaVRC]

women are the BEST

[@ryderbolling6699]

yay new video :3

[@ryderbolling6699]

and I hope you get better :

[@CaitofFate]

6:10 here you used the word soft to describe femininity. Id whole heartedly disagree. You see growing up, I was subjected to my older brother showing me Terminator movies and the Alien movies and in specifically the sequals I got glimpses into how I would learn to one day present myself similar to the likes of Ripley and Sarah Connor (sorry Vasquez not my gender not my envy 😅). I was able to enjoy Trinity and Switchs femme form from the Matrix. Alyx and Chell from valve games. Anyways... what I mean to say is feminity being soft as a cultural fabrication was a sort of way to alienate women from their abilities... I do like how in media we can see how softness in femininity can lead to strength, with media like puella madoka Magicka, rwby, hek even powerpuff girls technically... without these badass women who were likely influenced by the likes Rosie the riveter...I wouldnt know that its okay for me to still want to work on motorcycles, or to skateboard... yknow? and in a grossly simplified lyric I give you mother mother's verse from verbatim "uuh, what defines the straight mans straigh? is it the boxer in the briefs or a 12 oz steak"... love y'all! take care! [Edit: and on the note about Chell from portal, I literally have no idea what kinda gal she really is, and what that did was it allowed me to put my own sort of idea of base femminity on her...which after I learned there is no "base femminity" I realized I was imposing my own gender onto the beloved test subject]

[@RoseLexThorne]

It is a social construct, but I feel like it carries a weight for some of us because it's the so far the *opposite* of what we've been told to be our entire lives. It also extends beyond what we do, how we present ourselves. "Softness" can be attributed to our emotions, even. Allowing ourselves to experience the full range of them, *express* them openly. None of these things inherently make a person weaker, but it's often seen as a weakness when viewed through a masculine lens. You're told to "toughen up", "get thicker skin", "men don't cry". You're called soft.

[@CaitofFate]

@RoseLexThorne yessss!!!! You get iiiittttt!!!!

[@BellaVRC]

@@RoseLexThorne ​​⁠ Thissssss!!!! I don’t mean to imply women are inherently softer by nature, and I don’t use soft as a synonym for weakness whatsoever, not even remotely similar to me. i fully agree it’s likely the societal constructs and who society at large decides has permission to be softer, so femininity & softness are 2 things it’s been engrained in me from an early age that are things i should not do, and will be judged for. Overly compassionate, overly sensitive, expressive, lively, in a sweet, more delicate way. That’s who I’ve been burying in fear of judgement. I guess love when women use that societal permission and be more expressive with that full range of emotion. It feels more genuine and sweet, it’s like medicine, just heals my soul to be treated just a bit more delicately, especially by women.

[@CaitofFate]

​@@RoseLexThorne ah well, my "yeahhhh you get iiiiittttt" comment was never posted? but yeah this was one of the things I was trying to get across