Trauma is irreversible. How it shapes us is our choice. | Sasha Joseph Neulinger | TEDxBozeman

Sasha Joseph Neulinger speaks about his journey in life as a survivor of multi-generational sexual abuse.
Sasha Joseph Neulinger is a native of Pennsylvania who moved to Montana to pursue a BFA in Film Production from Montana State University. He is the Co-Founder and Head of Production at Step 1 Films which has a mission “To deliver truthful and compassionate storytelling through the unifying experience of film.” Sasha Joseph has worked behind the scenes on National Geographic’s award winning series, “America, The Wild” as an editing assistant and production assistant. At Step 1 Films, he has produced, directed, and edited multiple commercial videos for various corporate clients, including Simms Fishing Products and Wisetail, among others. He is currently directing his first feature length documentary, “Rewind To Fast-Forward,” an autobiographical film about his life surviving multi-generational sexual abuse. Sasha Joseph also travels nationally as a public speaker, advocating for reforms in child advocacy and child abuse prevention.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@puregtlmn]

I am 56, and just now letting the world know. Thanks

[@patrick45sue]

How brave are u, it can take time but speaking up will begin your healing !!

[@tamarajessup1398]

C man 👍

[@EphemeralProductions]

So great! Hugs! ❤️

[@a.o9656]

Aww you're 60 this year. Congrats =)

[@jennifermariejoyce]

You are not alone ♥️

[@toddboothbee1361]

Too bad we can't bring charges against an emotionally abusive parent.

[@1aquarium1]

The worse is that they would never acknowledge it, its harder to forgive and let go when no forgiveness is asked.

[@tracik1277]

Especially if they are dead for 20 years. And it's true they won't admit it ever. They are the weakest people.

[@lilytarbell2303]

I went no contact a year ago and finally can breathe. We don’t owe our “family” anything

[@hankhill3417]

It what they were taught. The trauma is passed down through generations

[@hankhill3417]

@@lilytarbell2303 I love you ❤️.

[@guideme1503]

Sasha i just watched your movie. I am 64 years old. I was abused. I never married, had children, lived with anyone.....as I’ve been afraid i could hurt another as I was hurt. No more hiding their sins, I am done carrying the shame belongs to them. Thank you for helping me reach this place.

[@irelandom926]

This made me cry so so hard, but I really really needed this tonight. I've been struggling to cope with my past abuse, and this gives me the courage to finally speak up about it

[@bluerose4810]

You're stronge❤

[@rainmaker8223]

Speaking about your past abuse takes the power back from your abuser! Be a victor not a victim! Be silent no more!

[@BeADad2447]

You will heal I promise. It takes time. Reprocess your thoughts practice mindfulness. God bless you and I'm sorry for your pain and abuse.

[@simonafanni3429]

❤

[@robertmac71]

So few men are willing or able to come forward and admit to having experienced childhood sexual abuse. I applaud you for your heartfelt honesty and courage and for reaching out to help others both men and women. Your contribution to healing from this trauma is immeasurable valuable and so needed today. Thank you.

[@moedog]

robertmac71 when you do , they get attacked more .

[@Missteree87]

I want to be able to heal from my trauma. I want to so badly

[@beckyhp7776]

I hate it when people just want to get over it.

[@naninina397]

Me 2

[@kiki7670]

Healing from your trauma is possible, I’m living proof. Well, I decided to back for a little more work with my therapist, a few months ago. I’d done so much healing and still ended up in another abusive relationship. It was verbal and emotional, and so very damaging, for it brought back the PTSD I hadn’t needed medication for, for quite a few years before I got into that relationship. I went into it healthy and strong, and because I became chronically ill and couldn’t work, I was abused. And when I was kicked out six years ago next month, I was a broken shell of myself. I’m lucky that I ended up with a great therapist, who happens to be a trauma specialist. She’s also experienced with treating those suffering chronic illnesses, and working with spiritual healing. Everything I needed, all rolled into one. And it took a few years, but I was actually able to go back to work. The stress of being in that abusive environment was making me sicker. And I’m supporting myself, I don’t have to live with a friend anymore. I did realize that my trust in new people is still an issue, as is my putting myself out there to date again, even though I want to. So I’m doing some more work, and that’s okay. I’m miles ahead of the mess I was six years ago. I’m proof that healing is possible, but finding someone who specializes in trauma therapy is something I would highly suggest.

[@o_____o1029]

❤❤

[@charmagneq]

I just watched his documentary “Rewind” it is so hard to imagine him going through such devastating things at such a young age. May God continue to strengthen him.

[@Vub.]

His parents are the absolute worse. %100 new but wouldn't do anything about it.

[@kcaderao]

Who's here after watching his film called Rewind?

[@JoannaVancouver]

I am

[@fayshaw1]

I am.

[@normanflynn2906]

Sasha you give path to help me understand the cuts on my body I bear from my first abuser as a child. I feel as though I have hugged you today as part of the healing process. I hope to plant a tree when I am an old man for others to get shade like you.

[@mayrabaca2083]

Sending you all my love! :)

[@michaelgoettsche9260]

You're in my heart and in my prayers! 🤗

[@lilliangraham9850]

our parents teach us how to be ,or destroy everything of who we were meant to be .

[@rileyweems7348]

Yup

[@neilfleck2330]

I've struggled with self-abuse,bad influences,I'm re-lapsing now,just need to take first step with a counsellor.

[@ishp2]

AMEN!!!

[@moedog]

i know the feeling all to well, , i hated myself, when i told the schools and the cops, nobody cared, i though something was wrong with me, i wanted to die, but glad now i never choose that path, i hope you're movie does real good.

[@hannahmcwalter3311]

Your comment was posted 4 years ago, but I want to say shame on your school for discrediting you. I truly hope that you have found inner peace and happiness now. God bless you!

[@thenadie8]

Moez i hope youre doing great...

[@spencerk4077]

You are so brave man. I’m also 25 years old and was abused by my uncle. This video actually made me cry

[@karen4349]

Me too

[@tracym6652]

Spencer, I hope you're ok.

[@spencerk4077]

@@tracym6652 I’m A Okay 👍

[@NewWoman525]

Powerful Sasha, and very eloquent. You are doing a great service for humanity. I am sure your film will be stunning.

[@toddbacon6738]

My father sexually abused my sister and in turn my sister showed me what my Dad did to her. Memories are like shards of glass, they will push there way to the surface sooner or later. I belief is, around thirty years old or so, those shards of memory are surfacing. I called my sister and told her how what she did to me affected me, and she started crying. I told her it wasn't her fault. We weren't even teenagers yet it lasts our entire life.

[@haitianzoe4033]

Todd Bacon same here, my father molested from the age 16 through 23.

[@tspirit99]

Someone go up there and hug him! ARGHHHHH

[@k8eekatt]

Ask first :)

[@jeanenedavidson3992]

I am going to plant a tree - today!!! Thank you for sharing.

[@jenniferbentzen160]

I was thinking the same thing. I am sending a hug along with Love and a couple tears. Thank you for your service!

[@boston312]

this is the problem I have with many new age gurus who claim that we choose our own events, people and environments that happen to us in life. I find it virtually impossible that a child under 12 can choose some of these horrific incidents what so many of them undertake in their lifetimes.

[@Jbuchek17]

+El Gringo I dont think you understand the message. Hes saying how trauma can affect your decision making abilities. Unfortunately many things happen to children everyday they didnt choose. Luckily, tho we grow up and can take back the power to change our lives for the better. :)

[@barbaragrace4446]

+El Gringo Right! I've seen the very children of those practitioners sufferage. It's awful.

[@Alaina420ful]

I do not believe trauma is irreversible. Who the F is he to destroy all such hope when it has been shown one can come out of trauma & reverse the effects of it.

[@NewWoman525]

Did you listen to this before making your comment? Shasha is absolutely talking about surviving and thriving after trauma.

[@Alaina420ful]

Luey Anderson No, I have not. Can you blame me with the title that he has, how it is worded? I do not need to have my hope killed off more then it has been already. I don't care what he intended with his title, his title backfired on me. And no one would know he is talking about surviving(I always think of holocaust victims) or Thriving with that title.

[@beatrixtarantino]

Me too I was 5, now 43. I have difficulty to connect with people ,And never been in relationship. since I have 21 years old. I've got great friends,but hope that one day I will be able to open myself to love and being love .

[@tinawindham6958]

Beatrix Kiddo start today.

[@lordreyna6924]

Start today, help the rest of us have hope with u.

[@Bonbon12345ify]

You need to heal from your past and as soon as you heal :) someone will show up and love you the way you deserve to be loved :) don't be afraid to open up those wounds . Open them and heal them with love and everything will slowly unfold after that :) much love 🙏❤️❤️

[@Abdokhairy]

You will

[@jennifermariejoyce]

I relate to your story @beatrix, although I’ve had two good relationships, meaning the guys were sweet and I was safe. I still found it terrifying. I’m 51, and I’m in CBT for trauma and it’s helping, but I have no idea if I can be vulnerable like that again. Anyway, hugs to you ♥️

[@harlequin75]

We do not realize the insidious nature of trauma. While the event is more often 'tangible' (if one can put a hand on it), what happens to a person at the mental level is slow, silent, and stealthy. I agree that how it shapes us is our choice. However, the healing is not so easy as we would like to believe.

[@DavidTitus_]

In my experience, it can be a rather rapid journey of healing. Simply stop going from distraction to distraction day in day out to escape your mental un-ease but instead sit with it, so meditate for 15-min / twice a day for starters and you'll find yourself suddenly crying out a lot of the trauma. Talking also helps, MDMA studies are promising and so can pyschedelics be when under proper guidance.

[@elisenieuwe4649]

I agree with the stop distracting yourself and meditate. I am not healed from my traumas yet, but I started meditating a short while back and it does already help. It helps you feel your emotions instead of pushing everything inside. If you combine this with talking about it with someone, it can help extra.

[@AprilWatters]

It's also the society we live in,, that doesn't allow people to feel real feelings. We live in a Debt based society,, where living BEYOND the bodies abilities and being PUSHED beyond what the body can afford is the Norm. The system needs to change. Capitalism Must end. Corp "profit" must be curtailed. As long as it isn't,, Trauma and the destruction of health and the environment will continue

[@theknowall2232]

The _"Capitalism Must end"_ theme was promoted by Stalin and Hitler. Sometimes a more socialist or Marxist theme can bring on more suffering than exists at present. Killing capitalism is great in theory, horrible in practice. A good mixture of socialism and capitalism is ideal. Academic economists tell us that recently introduced socialist policies have created most of the U.S. debt.

[@kyleiq1912]

harlequin75 no one talks about all the internal damage that's continuous until we get real help. our minds break themselves down in the meantime, often without our realizing it because it's normal for us.

[@baileyb123bb]

I just watched Rewind. I've never seen a documentary so powerful. You're an inspiration.

[@elenagrace3736]

I bow down to your beautiful Soul for the love you are . Your voice of truth is the medicine for my wounded heart.

[@ameliamethner8742]

Thank you for sharing Sasha! Very proud of you for being so open and finding a way to Love!

[@piendawg]

Man I turned 40 this year and I am still struggling with my inner pain. I have never believed I could amount to something or felt worthy. I am still working on how to find myself to be ok with me. I think the largest impact on me has been never to have children. It scares me too much. I never seen justice and my step father walks around today free and it is me who is the liar, who tried to destroy an innocent mans life. That really pisses me off

[@iamV10010]

I believe you

[@PhoebusG]

Sadly this is way more common than you think. Nicely expressed and overcome. Had similar experiences, though not as horrific, same effects/results. Good to remind myself of self acceptance :)

[@user-kz3gk1tp7z]

Big hug Sasha. I´m also a survivor of child abuse and i´m struggling to love myself but this video encourages me to continue. Because we can´t be victims anymore, we must be SURVIVORS

[@essencecalligrafreak5622]

I started crying 10 seconds in and haven't stopped. I'm so happy the audience listened. I resonated with so much in this. And, dude, the strength, Sasha thank you.

[@furiscafynn6275]

I was around his age too. Then I forgot it for years and I remembered one day and have been trying to deal with it since. It's a slow, painful process and the trauma is always there but it doesn't sting as much anymore. Thank you Sasha for your bravery, your honesty and most of all, your love. I do love myself now and I am proud of myself too.

[@padmathesacredlotus5215]

Thank you very much for sharing your story. I suffered many different traumas as a child including molestation and for a very long time I have been filled with anger and severe depression. The only issue is, is that every single individual person reacts differently to childhood trauma(s), therefore will require different methods of healing. I have always felt unloved and never been able to feel that any person loves or loved me. I found spirituality and found love from God and the universe and begun to heal the wounds but was then dragged back into another traumatic experience at this age, a grown man. The only thing that I have ever wanted is to feel loved and cared for, but I am blocked and have always felt unloved. I am so pleased that you found your method to heal them deep wounds. Much love and compassion to you!!!!

[@mayrabaca2083]

Sending you all my love! :)

[@pratapdas8116]

That unloved feeling is the worst. I feel you bro

[@kizzyrock]

Beautifully stated!! I also believe discovering love from God is the love in which you finally feel safe! Keep pushing!! God has great things ahead!!

[@nenya]

I'm sorry for what you went through. I just want to remind you that you are divinely and beautifully made, qnd unconditionally loved.

[@richardraahi1722]

you are loved

[@hereb4theend]

I seriously doubt it.

[@michiellalove5402]

Powerful testimony 🙏

[@kassieme]

The most infuriating part of that documentary was that "Cantor" Howard Nevison only got 12 years of probation and wont admit any wrong doing in an Alfred Plea ooo that had me heated!

[@ShereeTrask]

Kudos to you and your courage. I bow to you, Sasha. Beautiful display of bravery and resilience.

[@lakhdeepkaur694]

We love you too Sasha. Thanks

[@DustinRodriguez1_0]

Society has good intentions, but the way they handle child sexuality is horrific, up one side and down the other. Child advocacy organizations that actually understand the subject have a lot of problems with how we deal with it. We spend tons of money doing things that make us adults feel good, like we're helping, but actually don't help anyone. The things that have research showing they can help prevent abuse, stop abuse, and reduce the amount of harm abused children experience as a result of the abuse, are education and empowerment. Let kids know that their body is their own property, and that no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, has the right to violate their consent. The vast majority of child abusers are the childs parents, with family, family friends, and authority figures right behind them. Strangers, what we concentrate almost exclusively on stopping, are almost never the abusers. Teaching kids that child abuse looks like a gruff stranger snatching them off the street and tying them up and torturing them leaves them often unable to even identify what is happening to them as abuse.

[@Thicketworks]

+Dustin Rodriguez What a clear and cogent statement. Thank you for putting it so well. The deep denial that infuses our approach to the sexual abuse of children is so pervasive and ingrained that we struggle even to discuss the issue. Thanks for adding a voice of reason to a difficult conversation.

[@Jbuchek17]

+Dustin Rodriguez If only parents or other mentors taught about consent in the first place... how do you fix stupid ? How do you bring awareness to adults???

[@damierastone4025]

Dustin Rodriguez society has NO GOOD INTENTIONS from what I'm STILL experiencing!

[@euricequeen842]

i was sexually abused as a child. it is my greatest fear that i'd become an abuser. Heaven forbid.

[@mayrabaca2083]

You have awareness about your actions. You won't become one of them. Sending you all my love! :)

[@BlaximilianD00d]

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

[@BetaBuxDelux]

Joey'sEvilTwin Treat yourself as you want to be treated.

[@slaonestephens7575]

Same but we won't do it

[@momandsoncookingshow3623]

I told my mother when I was aged 30ish about my uncles being perpetrators. Her only comment was, "Well, I hope you feel better that you got that off you mind." She went on to tell my brothers that I was lying and well, she must have deserved whatever she got. I regret that I ever told her and honestly, we need to pick you we disclose to wisely. Yes, disclose, but try it out on therapists or best friends before you tell family. Family doesn't want to know there are predators lurking. I waited until my offenders were dead and according to my mother, too late for them to be able to defend themselves.

[@robinellison6708]

I'm so sorry your Mother wasn't there for you.

[@veryykenzie8676]

Some days feel impossible but today I am capable! Thank you for sharing ❤ it really made my day

[@JennHrd]

Wow, I wish I could meet this man, shake hands, smile, and believe in myself more.

[@adrianaguilargarciadeleon1799]

Hi, I think everyone need to find someone like us to feel much better ourself and to live with truly love. I m with you too. I don t blame you, Get a truly hug from me. God bless all of we

[@n.fer.2596]

One day I'll get there too, Sasha ❤️

[@mayrabaca2083]

Yes you will!! Don't give up :)

[@tonyas1234]

You will, we have the utmost belief, you are not alone

[@fezan173]

Why do you want to experience the abuse

[@paulinesereni5417]

I'm 51 and It's allot more helpful from hearing from someone who actually dealt with trauma then Doctors who really don't understand or experienced trauma, Sasha is very brave.

[@popcorn43]

Sasha has such a beautiful gentle soul x

[@scottjones2673]

I'm 50, and just now letting the world know. Thanks, Sasha. Great work. Can't wait to see your film.

[@williamwong1982]

I watched Rewind last night. It was incredibly powerful stuff.

[@alisonreilly3294]

Someone objected to the title, in that trauma is irreversible. I was a hospital nurse in the ICU+ when you see trauma, it’s often where the person will not be the same as they were before the trauma. That’s the same as mental/emotional trauma. You will have Changed because of it. Never to be the same.

[@Liberty969]

😢 while listening to your talk, my body, specifically my heart, started aching like it was being pinched, independent of my thoughts. I'm listening to this at work so I kinda got distracted, but still my heart heard you, ached for the pain you went through, and that ache served as a signal for me to refocus my attention back to your speech. And I'm so glad I did. Thank you for your inspiring words. My soul needed to here it. ❤️

[@debbiem8207]

Your strength is empowering. My wish is that more men would be more open about abuse they endured. My brother ended his life after 40 yrs of fighting the deep painful struggle of losing his innocence to a family friend's teenage son. He told my brother he would kill me or my mother and he continued to endure that pain for over 2 yrs and held onto that horrific secret till he was 18 yrs old. It effected him all through his life but wasn't willing to face it and that silent suffering finally became larger then him and out of nowhere I lost the most beautiful person in my life, my hero and my best friend. It's been 8 yrs since his brutal suicide and it has taken me up to a few months ago to process and heal. Please continue to do your amazing work of using your platform to let others know it's okay to share their story as a matter of fact it's a must to begin the healing process. Much love

[@pgpc6448]

Thank you for your film, voice and courage. We must help our children.

[@beecee7488]

Just watched the documentary. I cannot believe how brave you were at such a young age to go up against those monsters. You were such a beautiful and intelligent boy! I feel like you were put in this world for a reason. Im sure this will inspire many peole out there to do what you did. May god bless you and help you heal through difficult times. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@Katie-uwu]

This made me cry. I wasn't abused, but something terrible happened to me about 3 years ago and everyone thought I did something I didn't. I was in a lot of physical and mental pain and I couldn't talk about it because it was too embarrassing. Now as I grow older, It's becoming more and more relevant that I face it again. I'm scared and ashamed and I don't think I'm strong enough. I need help.

[@lovemy4babys]

Please get help its out there you just have to look for it cyz it wont come to you so do it for yourself you deserve it i promise

[@christiewolf4032]

Thank you for shining a light on what is such a heavy, dark secret for so many. We need to talk about it and, as you said, plant the seed of open conversation today so to better protect children today. Thank you!

[@jakecorynthian3516]

Dear Sasha, thank you for helping survivors through your bravery and honesty, the world is lucky to have you in it. Thank you 🙏 All the best with your documentary, I will support it!

[@siuabc]

I have so much childhood traumas with emotional abuse and abandonment... I have seen the huge impact it has throughout my life, to this day, at midlife.

[@sandral3986]

This was powerful, I want to see the movie he made.

[@robertschneeweis8984]

Sandra Lyngmo Hi Sandra! You can watch the teaser trailer for the documentary at rewindtofastforward.com

[@sandral3986]

Robert Schneeweis Thank you for that :)

[@missymissymiss5192]

His documentary Rewind, was amazing because his personal story was so profound.

[@UweWalterStorytelling]

Great speech. Thank you so much.

[@lateralpazwalk]

Yeah, I can relate. The only time I've been able to tell someone IRL non-anonymously they accused me of being "attention-seeking," which kinda made things worse(suicide attempt). So yeah, telling people may not ALWAYS be a good idea.

[@jesselevine2871]

Sorry you had that experience.

[@choozynharrys1481]

I’m 41 and still struggling and the messed up part is that my abuser always talks about other people who are child molestors he know what he done to me I haven’t had the guts yet to tell him do you know that you molested me from the age of 5-15 but I am a empathy person and I can’t believe that I have empathy for him he was one of the people that ruined my life I was such an introvert and incredibly shy I missed all of my teenage years because I wanted to crawl under a rock and just die

[@rebeccaduboise285]

Beautiful....Thank You

[@rachaelnunemacher]

this is so powerful.

[@rachaelnunemacher]

absolutely amazing talk

[@GenericGena]

Beautiful. Thank you, Sasha.

[@mindvolution]

Oh, that ended so emotionally.. got tears in my eyes. Respect!

[@debbie2027]

You are VERY brave Sasha ... a bright light to help those fighting the fight ... G-d bless you

[@ummehani7677]

You are incredible Sasha, really admire the way u accepted urself .may God bless you and have his mercy all the time.😊

[@brittney8160]

this was beautiful how he as a grown up helped the 4 year old in him

[@marcusnl66]

Sasha apparently interconnected with little Sasha, the little boy who experienced the violence at the age of four. Lots of ppl suffering from sexual abuse, neglect, physical violence, have killed their inner child in order to "coop" with every day life. Every now and then this child within forces itself out through flashbacks and nightmare, a wrong touch from an other human being or a smell that brings back the overwhelming and paralyzing sensation, numbing reality and disappearing into a dissociating state of mind. Always a victim and never overcoming the traumatic experiences that s for many a story with no (happy) ending. Learning to love yourself as Sasha puts it is not easy for everyone, especially since you've learned that you're just an object, invisible, unattached and not worth fighting for.

[@RebornGuitarLearner]

He's right about choosing to love yourself. He's wrong about trauma being irreversible. You have to release it. It's stored in your body until you let yourself shake, cry, throw up, etc. If that weren't true, I'd still be getting flashbacks and anxiety today. It's gotten so much better. It can for you too.

[@ministryofhandsome82]

Was it ptsd?

[@terrikirwan2657]

I help people heal from trauma every day. It can be done! Reintegration, and creating a compassionate, loving relationship, with the abused part of one's self is an extremely important component. Thank you!

[@codacreator6162]

Sometimes you have no choice. I didn't even know I was suffering until I collapsed. My therapist tells me the journey to wellness is going to take time, effort, and support. Once you have a handle on the trauma, then you can reshape it. But getting a trip takes help.

[@lawrencemakoare-z7p]

thank you infinitely

[@shenaejackson2767]

Thank you Sasha!

[@BlondeGranny70]

This man is amazing 🤩

[@reVerse2bfree]

Sasha you inspire. I love you, thank you.

[@emilythesongbird2306]

Thank you for this powerful and authentic talk! I too have been struggling with past abuse. I thought that I had moved past it but those childhood wounds run deep. I totally agree it is so key to love the inner child within us. Thank for your courage and yes you are a beautiful person!

[@judeflynn]

You are Sasha the strong, the brave, the survivor. God bless you.

[@whod0934]

This is so heartbreaking. This video portrays so much more than any other video I have seen, though all equally important

[@omgdflea]

thx i needed this......i didnt want to hear but i needed to hear it ♥

[@icecreamcat8563]

Wow! That was a really good presentation!

[@victoriamd9078]

I'm so incredibly moved by the bravery in your words. I don't know you.... But I also love unconditionally 4 yr old you. This planet is incredible blessed to have you. .....

[@badmamjamma]

There documentary Rewind is on Amazon. Just watched it. Very well done.

[@serenitymg1279]

Breath-taking!

[@victoriako4170]

No one deserves to be treated so badly. No child, no man, no woman, no person should ever be made to feel so badly.

[@yasminakhtar5]

amazing brave young man..thanku for sharing shasha.

[@Jewelsfaith]

You are beautiful, Brave and powerful! Keep speaking up for all those that can't. God Bless you!

[@loribelle100]

Thank you, Sasha. So powerful. Carrying that weight will break you down if you have no one to share it with. I hope making this movie gives you wings you never imagined. Can't wait to see it.

[@ruddiko]

This is a really good needed talk. One fact that is misguided, I think it's not intently, is that actually the first traumatic event in one's life is birth, granted is not the same as having a traumatic experience and remember it, but babies that are born under more stressful situations are more prone to sickness. I would also like to add that it is a disgrace this man as a child had to endure 10 years of trials that reminded him and made him relive this nightmare. What a courage to live now, good for him.

[@safire2010]

Vulnerability is Bravery. Real friends will love you more for being Vulnerable. Billy Papa

[@Lauraisgreen]

Gorgeous talk. Thank you for your message and vulnerability

[@capacity4good]

This is a powerful story. I'm looking forward to seeing the documentary. I am working on a documentary about healing from trauma, too.

[@jimmyw3670]

Man, thanks for sharing your pain. All of us share your pain because we went through some of this. Thanks for sharing. We are not alone. I feel your pain too because I went through abuse too...

[@mollyclock8238]

you made me cry.

[@laroccacounty1]

Seriously well said. Real champion.

[@budgirl1368]

You Sasha are a strong, brave, beautiful soul! God bless you ♥️♥️🙏🏻 I just watched your documentary Last night. 💕

[@Sheislove144]

He is right . I’m damaged and broken . I don’t trust my own judgement and I can’t function normal because of my trauma and abuse .

[@BeADad2447]

I'm sorry for your childhood and all your pain. It's very sad that victims beleive that nobody would want them or that it's thier fault. Thank you for talking about this very important topic. Somebody very close to me is a survivor of the most extreme abuse and torture. I'm sorry for the abuse. I hope you plant a tree. You are worthy of love and I love you(so profound) God bless you.

[@am_andastarseed9642]

Thank you for your kindness and courage and strength

[@juliazhou692]

I cried so hard. How can anybody thumb this down????

[@raymondlin8728]

The abuser

[@DavidDallaG]

Wonderful talk from a great man. Cheers Sasha!

[@diannahannah4194]

I am so glad your mom (and maybe both your parents) went to the police and pressed charges. I know several people who were abused and their parents just swept it under the rug because it was a family member that did it. I'm so happy you are doing well now. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

[@mindthealligators213]

We were not all born with a clean slate. Some of us were born to abusers and predators. We have never known love or respect or freedom in all of our lives. From day one we were abused and told it was love, neglected and told that was respect, and told we were free while we were controlled every moment of every day. We emerged into adulthood not even knowing what had gone wrong; only that we were in a lifetime of pain, and what we'd been told as to why didn't add up, and neither did it lead to a solution. We are free as adults to search for answers and try to get our needs met, but we don't get to choose the outcome; we only get to choose what effort we put in. Just as the luck of the draw handed many of us abusive parents, it will also hand many of us a lot of bad information, false starts, and retraumatization, especially since narcissists and sociopaths are very skilled at picking just the right person to reel in, and that person is usually someone who has been abused from the cradle and doesn't know what a good relationship looks like. We can work and try, and as a result of effort I believe our lives will improve, but the degree to which that happens is as much up to the chaotic tumblers of life as it is to our own will and work. It is unfair and counterproductive to tell trauma survivors to essentially just decide to get over it and love ourselves in a hailstorm of affirmations. I know of no one anywhere who has simply been able to flip a switch and decide to feel differently about themselves and their lives. I'm happy for the speaker here, but the reality is that this most likely is not a matter of a problem or need arising and a solution rising up to meet it through sheer force of will. Most likely he has had exposure to numerous affirming voices and experiences over many years, and he may well have chosen to seek those out very much to his credit, and one day he noticed that it had all added up to the ability to embrace his terribly wounded child self. It may have felt every bit this swiftly-moving when it finally came together but there had likely been a long, slow process largely outside conscious awareness happening for a long time. Also, introversion is not the same as social phobia or withdrawal. It is a natural, normal, functional orientation toward nurturing oneself in solitude and giving one's best in social situations.

[@BeezyBaby28]

I feel the same way as you. To this day I'm still experiencing some of the trauma I did when I was a child. and I'm tired of people saying "get over it." I feel no one understands me. It also doesn't help that I'm very emotional and cry easily. I have been abandoned/shunned by everyone because of this. No one wants to deal with me. I now believe there is no cure or hope for people like us. I read something online that said something along the lines of "Children need their physical, emotional etc. needs met. If those needs aren't met during childhood then they will never be healed. They cannot be met during adulthood. The only way to heal is to have had those met during childhood." I also had a cousin that treated me like crap and I put her on a pedestal and even to this day I realized that I've still put her on that pedestal. it's not until today that I realized she's a bitch and not everything she says is true! sigh.. sorry for venting

[@battlehymnoftheempath3610]

" we get to control the effort we put in, but we don't get to control the outcome" thank you for these words, they mean a lot to me. I feel that it's important for trauma victims to feel that their situation is not irreconcilable. the psychological establishment, by stating that trauma is irreeversible, through victims into the clutches of their past. a lot can be done to put us onto the correct path for the rest of our lives. the stoicism of your quote resonates deeply with me. we cannot blame the outcome of life events on trauma all the time. this gets you deeper into learned helplessness. if on the other hand, you embrace the fact that you can CONTROL the work you put in, that the outcome is secondary to the work, your situation becomes more tractable. I often have a voice in my head tell me that I'll never forget this. while I may never forget this, it does not have to be a bad thing. the traumatized live with a knowledge of evil. how we curate that knowledge, determines whether we defeat it, or whether it ultimately defeats us. the sociopath fights against the intrinsic harmony of the soul. If you can figure out a way to tame the soul, you defeat them. the effort you put in toward that goal is really all you need.

[@Solidude4]

Yes yes yes honestly one of the best comments I've ever seen on KZbin! Thank you for making these distinctions and conveying this so clearly.

[@jayocearmada3482]

This made me cry, and watching the trailer for your movie made me cry ! The end of it "don't give up on me yet" waterfalls down my cheeks. You are so , so brave. You FOUGHT and I will be trying to watch your movie, I will go back to the website and see if there's an option to buy a DVD, not quite sure how it works, but I will be watching your documentary. You are an incredible person and it is heartwarming to see how far you have come

[@keiakeia6182]

Thank You!