Trump Indulges His Penchant For Chanting Mobs By Tweeting Encouragement To Lockdown Protesters

[@mrshadowbright4041]

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” ― Groucho Marx

[@paulettewilliams6492]

Absolutely Perfect!

[@mrshadowbright4041]

@Universe Onesong any time glad i could help

[@dakotacross1519]

i heard that something like that in a batman arkham game!

[@barbwire3507]

“What kind of fool do you take me for?” “Are there more kinds than one?” - The 3 Stooges

[@joanna62]

Priceless!

[@tonnyangkawan2168]

Ironically that the so called "pro-life" now becomes pro-choice lol

[@giabarrone7422]

Tonny Angkawan It has always been a misnomer, they are all really pro-birth. They couldn't care less when/how the unwanted child is killed after birth. In this pandemic, they are still pro-birth, requiring women to birth babies against their will in hospitals lousy with COVID-19. I still don't understand how it is constitutional to prohibit abortions, even under stay-at-home orders.

[@transylvanianite3391]

prolife and 2nd amendment don't jibe

[@Shuizid]

Because they never were anti-choice. They are "anti-OTHERS-choice", meaning wannabe dictators who don't want others to have a choice. They want control: over woman, bodies, non-whites, often whites, people with different opinions...

[@gluteusmaximus1657]

Now - that's a good one !

[@derry667dingo]

And they are choosing to endanger lives. Typical alt-right logic.

[@nikkicornelius279]

His choking back the vomit had me laughing so hard I actually choked! I swear Stephen Colbert is the only way I can handle the news anymore.

[@TiberiusRex182]

Nikki Cornelius john oliver too

[@DQ_Mine]

@@TiberiusRex182 Jimmy Kimmel also.

[@nikkicornelius279]

@@TiberiusRex182 he is my other favorite!

[@carolynworthington8996]

Nikki Cornelius And don’t forget Seth Myers.

[@kylemccormick4589]

“I’m reading Beloved by Toni Morrison” “Is it funny?” “I don’t know I’m on page 4” Well John is in for one helluva ride.

[@lizabuddenhagen9906]

And Stephen, no time like a global pandemic to read a classic. Read Beloved.

[@maggieg7673]

Trump had over 3 years to “fix the broken system”

[@jonnelson9760]

His job is not to fix anything but to convince you he fixed everything or at least it wasn’t his fault.

[@threelikes8128]

Actually, he destroyed the system.

[@toddtravis2596]

Unfortunately nasty pelosi and her crew have blocked everything he's tried to do for us. 🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️✌🏾🧡🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@Chipotleadvisory]

Also the test was only developed last year.

[@gangelone999]

@@threelikes8128 that's a good thing

[@jasthebaker]

"I had inherited a broken system" you sure? Didn't Obama have a pandemic team set up just for such a issue yet you got rid of them. Also didn't you not restock the national stock pile as you didn't make sure that it was properly taken care of for a few years so some stuff in it had expired/decomposed as no one was incharge of taking care of it.

[@Vanadisphoto]

*In 2017, Obama officials briefed Trump's team on dealing with a pandemic like the coronavirus. One Cabinet member reportedly fell asleep, and others didn't want to be there. * www.businessinsider.com/trump-appointees-trained-pandemic-response-in-2016-2020-3?r=US&IR=T

[@sharongamble9854]

Obama was an absolutely terrible and uncaring president. He liked smoking, basketball, golf, and sending his wife and daughters out of the U.S. with a huge entourage costing the tax payer millions of dollars. He answered to globalists and not to American citizens. He had his blackberry and pen he said he would use for executive orders if he didn't get his way. He caused the highest unemployment in decades. He promised to give "Obama" phones and houses to the citizens in the city of Detroit. He said the U.S. has 57 states. Listen to his pastor condemn and swear at the U.S. during a "sermon" in his church. Obama was not a good president. He allowed depletion of PPE's and other necessary health care supplies. He wrote a health system that fined people if they didn't agree to sign up for it. The Affordable Care Act caused people's health care premiums to rise for many people to 500%. He left our country a mess and then tried to prevent President Trump from taking his elected position as President.

[@Khronogi]

@@sharongamble9854 you current president doesnt like golf or needlessly spending the governments money on protection? (Hes spent far more than obama did)

[@Khronogi]

@@sharongamble9854 and if we speak about who the president surrounds themselves with, your current president surrounded himself with straight up criminals and conmen.

[@Khronogi]

@@sharongamble9854 and if that's not enough, your post is filled with lies. Plus, the ACA was gutted by republicans, who ended up creating the bill that you complain about so much.

[@lospareid]

They could allow people to stop “shelter in place” measures as long as they waive their right to get treated for Covid 19. Bet they’d think it over

[@foreversocal1]

My sentiments exactly. You wanna go out before it's advised? sign this here waiver, says you refuse any healthcare or ventilator assistance if you end up w positive covid test.

[@espen5122]

If they get infected they can spread it to others.

[@notanavrageloser]

Nope. Some of us HAVE to go out there - “essential” jobs, groceries, no on-site laundry, etc. We would be punished for their asshatery, and that’s bullshit.

[@The-Autistic-Rat]

Yes, let's round everybody up that doesn't follow the prevailing societal orthodoxy, and stash them all in corona camps. It's their fault they're dumb because I got smart all on my own by passively absorbing my entire worldview from the outermost layer of the Overton window using the least amount of effort or critical thought possible.

[@firestream93]

Some of us just aren't as paranoid as you.

[@mori1bund]

Moron: give me liberty or give me covid19 covid19: you're welcome

[@philosophysics8150]

WHAT CAN I SAY BUT YOU'RE WELCOME!

[@bjasmine]

The gift that keeps on giving.

[@ey8767]

covid19: Why not both?

[@stapleskeri9811]

If I hear the word “aroused” coming out from the orange tube one more time, imma have to cut off my bleeding ears 😫😫😫

[@brigidann23]

Imagine one of his advisers trying to tell him what "aroused" means...

[@Wichnam]

"You've never been so aroused before, I don't think there has ever been so much arousing by a man talking about arousement in the history of arousing others."

[@saltedbuttercups]

@@Wichnam I am literally begging you to stop.

[@darkangel4185]

🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@dannyv2230]

Exactly 😂 poor Melania imagine trying to get turned on by this buffoon

[@specialpatrolgroup92]

Aside from the obvious, the Rosa Parks analogy is stupid because she was thinking about something a tad more important than getting her next haircut.

[@annapurna391]

I'd say so!

[@michaelm4939]

The mayor in “Jaws” wanted to keep the beaches open to save the economy, food for thought.

[@DaveGIS123]

...food for sharks, too...

[@michaelm4939]

David Ramsay ❤️

[@cayk481]

@Wade Haden - Master Jedi Engineer Goth swim like hell

[@alexmartinez5859]

Da duh.

[@sweetyfox7058]

We're going to need a bigger hospital.

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"We need to be the Rosa Parks." 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 Oh, good god!

[@theultimatereductionist7592]

So glad to hear Stephen Moore is getting a sex change operation & skin darkening operation.

[@alenegonebad1259]

Fauler Perfektionist almost spit my water out, potentially infecting everyone in my family.

[@rickhard3979]

Yeah, that one set white people back a bit. Lol😂

[@peterl.104]

Too bad Colbert couldn’t do a “Rosa Parks of parks” joke. I can’t think of one, so I was hoping he can.

[@christinebuckingham8369]

The Ultimate Reductionist Who is Stephen Moore?

[@iambensummers]

Trump is literally the guy who would say "I'm more humble than you."

[@moeclash238]

He most likely did say that to someone

[@wildreams]

"I'm the most humble guy you ever know."

[@RS-Caleb]

he has said that to several reporters lmao

[@kevtb874]

I am the most humble person you have ever met

[@ωις-λ3π]

Now I have the song "I'm So Humble" by The Lonely Island stuck in my head.

[@StoneColdFox17]

"People are dying that have never died before" -The Donald

[@chrislickteig5697]

Good lord.... Did he actually say that? 🤦🏼‍♂️

[@CIAoperativeRinkEDink]

@@chrislickteig5697 No. Libtards lying as usual. www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/

[@Samzillah]

@@CIAoperativeRinkEDink omg. It's a joke 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@chrislickteig5697]

@@CIAoperativeRinkEDink Honestly, it sounds like something he would say... I'm not left or right, but that wouldn't surprise me.

[@Deesboots5326]

It was most certainly said!

[@makiburgess5733]

The question about self-congratulation was great.

[@adad7421]

Just wish the reporter didn't sit there and take all of his insulting remarks afterwards

[@timski9063]

Donald J Trump. Says Trump: " The J stands for genius."

[@jeffreymartin3361]

Timski that fuckin killed me 😂😂😂💀💀💀. Super funny comment. Thank you for a laugh, like for real

[@Bovice4]

Timski literally laughing uncontrollably at this, well done 🤣🤣🤣

[@ekdaufin1485]

🤣

[@robfragale]

timiski stands for SHEEP sucking of Stephen Colbert.

[@laalaa99stl]

LIBERATE THE WHITE HOUSE!

[@delugesofgrandeur]

Fumigate the white house.

[@staceykersting705]

Open the White House...invite the protesters.

[@DillyWillow]

I just want to know 2 things, how much did the Trump businesses get from this so called loan program and what do guns have to do with a pandemic, I know it wasn’t mentioned here but did you see those protestors with guns, do they think that they can shoot the virus 🤪🤣

[@anitam241]

Maybe because they think gun store are essential businesses and their 2nd amendment is being taken away....and just sheer stupidity.

[@IMSiegfried]

@Major Thought Ahead Noooo! ::sigh:: And trump fired the original person meant to oversee the fund. :-/

[@smiller2044]

Sharon Berger some think brandishing a weapon makes them strong. In the land of liberty, generally, white men are permitted to carry guns whereas other's rights are infringed on, so guess those folks feel superior.

[@chezmoi42]

No kidding, the guns, the vests, the whole kit on some of them. Here's what Beau had to say about them this morning. kzbin.info/www/bejne/hJuoY2d9gJicoLc

[@Fantumh]

"It's very sophisticated actually." Our "leader" thinks a Q-tip is sophisticated. Let that sink in.

[@buddhacook1087]

Be careful......this man trump appears to be stupid but just maybe he's just plain Dangerous.....he's a snake & he can't be trusted

[@Karajorma]

Well, this is all about compensating for his unsophisticated penis, so....

[@lioraselby5328]

Karajorma Toad from the Mario series

[@wolski45]

The longer 'swab' is what he uses to clean the opposite ear and visa versa to span the vast vacuum between them.

🤣

[@bjorngerlach7829]

My goodness...can you imagine let’s say Robert Downey Jr. giving an interview, then pulling out a paper and reading out his positive reviews? I at least would think he’s lost his marbles and he’s only an actor. Can’t people see that this is pathological behavior? That Trump is greatly disturbed? How can so many people still justify defending him?

[@adamchristopher6917]

Not disturbed. Senile. Full effects should set in by November.

[@jimreily7538]

I don't know why people can't see this either. Why his supporters can't see this. It's incredible.

[@IAmJustR]

they cant see through their own pathology

[@captlanc]

Because he is pathological.

[@chloekey8043]

Malignant narcissist

[@rosedruid]

If his goal was to honour the medical workers then he’s failing at that too!

[@danderson8431]

Idk why but Stephen is looking GOOD in that green shirt. It’s probably has something to do with the way his sleeves are rolled up.

[@ellamone9998]

It's the tan, he's been working on it for over a week. I hate it when the tanning oil gets in the eyes tho :) I use a Q-tip on the corner of eye to soak it out :) My Tip for Today.

[@DQ_Mine]

Lol! That's what I was thinking! That shirt! He looks great!

[@DQ_Mine]

@@ellamone9998 You sure it isn't just a short swab?

[@pattykeough]

I agree! And it's like shiny! I was wondering if it was just me, guess not.

[@saintmichael1779]

Olive green is his color.

[@RussMcClay]

Thank you for posting these clips to KZbin, Stephen! Very much appreciate your good attitude in these viral times.

[@anonymous-zn5em]

"To argue with someone who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead." -- Thomas Paine

[@gname8252]

"Once it was reluctantly aroused. it was hard to get it aroused and it is hard to get it aroused, but we got it aroused" Donald Trump ; April 20, 2020

[@onebylandtwoifbysearunifby5475]

That quote will adorn the halls of his Presidential Library. And the bookshelf with one book.

[@crybaby992]

Ew.

[@VendettaProduction01]

I hope this is one of the quotes that goes in the history books, along with bombing a hurricane.

[@toothpastehombre]

Things have gotten so ugly, these comedy bits feel more sad than satirical

[@brendanbloomberg3283]

Stephen Colbert is always awful.

[@BeeTheBird]

@@brendanbloomberg3283 I don't think that's what he meant. He may be trying to say the content of the news and the perpetual vicious cycle of stupidity delivered by Trump is depressing rather than humorous. He's not trying to single out Stephen's (or any comedian/late night host's) show

[@meatwad74]

ya I stopped watching them last year. beginning of his presidency it was funny. then when he started getting away with bloody treason and criminal acts, just because of the deep deep state, and right wing nut jobs and influencers, it was just sad to watch

[@FireMott]

You know your going down fast when satirical becomes your reality!

[@michiyodoll9916]

He became Chuck Todd. We want see COMEDY, not late night meet the press...

[@kellyfehr5240]

So the price of oil has gone around $70 a barrel to -$40. That's right... they will pay you to take a barrel off their hands. Makes you wonder who really wants this to end.

[@bigearl3867]

That's the same thing I was thinking. Why would a group linked to Betsy DuVos be supporting these protesters like this? trump? Big oil? Both? And why all the folks with rifles? This isn't a second amendment issue.

[@giabarrone7422]

Why can't they just temporarily stop drilling for oil if it is costing them money?

[@DQ_Mine]

@@bigearl3867 Just like trump. They're bullies. They want to intimidate and scare people. Worms with guns.

[@ValerieJNorse]

@@giabarrone7422 -- See, there you go with the logic. Honestly, girl.

[@ScoffMathews]

I could imagine stopping might be more expensive than giving it away. I know that's the case in some processes, imagine turning on a machine/system might cost you 30k plus 20 hours of warming up. If you keep it running 20 hours and waste the product you only spend 20k. You save 10k by wasting for 20 hours. Similarly, I'm not getting laid off right now because even though I cannot work, it would cost my employer 3 months of pay to fire me. They expect we'll be back to normal in less than 3 months so they choose to bleed the money, save face and avoid the hassle of rehire and training. There may be contracts that also play a role in the suply chain that are more expensive to break than lose the money. I could be way off... it's late.

[@Starman_Dx]

"We must protest these government injustices..." Yes, like how a certain administration within the government who's job is to handle a crisis like this that refused to take action for months and still refused to actually do it's job. And we'll protest that in November by voting.

[@pauld.b7129]

Lol he took action as soon as it was prudent to take action. And it's still an OVER reaction at that. At the time the country was locked down, there were only a couple thousand deaths world wide. Hardly a 'pandemic'. And China also said it would be contained. Gain a little context and quit believing so easily the people who have been trying to take Trump down since day 1.

[@aaronsondag8347]

@Brianna Jones actually China more the likely has the most cases and is still lying about their number for 1 and for 2 we are testing more and more efficiently at that and 3 you need to realize that the US as a whole compared to all of the EU. Us population 330 million, population of the EU 446 million.

[@elonmust7470]

he acted long before Obama did when a "pandemic" broke out.......

[@aidanlevy2841]

@@aaronsondag8347 Canada Is the best comparison for the US because it is the most similar in terms of culture and initial contact with the virus (Europe is about 14 days ahead of both and much more reliant on public transit). The US has almost triple the death rate per million (131/46) and still has significantly fewer tests per million (12,315/14,995). While improving your testing is a good thing, it still is not even matching your closest and most similar neighbor. sauce: www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

[@lizardog]

@@elonmust7470 do your own homework, Beav.

[@Lon.BedStuyforLife]

"Beloved" is a POWERFUL novel. An excellent read. Read it several times myself.

[@G.Aaron.Fisher]

"Maybe she did, but it's not this one." - good to see that humor runs in the family.

[@chezmoi42]

"They've got - I call it 'cabin fever', you may not have heard that term before, it just came to me."

[@RansomeStoddard]

He's an, I call him an "idiot". It's a term I just came up with.

[@nonyabizness.original]

he's saying "ya gotta excuse my cult followers, they're not too bright, a bit unstable, and don't do well being alone with themselves".

[@cchurchill503]

Welp, never going to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse again.

[@mykalsarakula3652]

i am one last time 2 fer one on sunday porterhouse..who s in the house ..

[@luvmibratt]

Never even of heard of one in Illinois so no big loss🤷

[@Kattywagon29]

I stopped going there a long time ago. Their food is just ok, as far as I'm concerned, and not worth the price. Plus, in my experience, the waiters are rude.

[@vinista256]

I went there once in the 1980’s. The date was forgettable and so was the food-heaping, overpriced portions of meat and bland vegetables. Have not been back since and have even less incentive to go back now.

[@HummerLove]

Ruth's Chris is overrated anyway.

[@songbird2759]

Beloved is one of the saddest books I'd ever read!

[@NophiMitchell]

M Jensen a lot of people laughed without commenting I’m sure. It may be dad joke funny but I definitely lol’ed!

[@ianmuir3640]

They have cabin Fever? what a about the thousands of Americans held in incarsaration without being convicted of anything

[@travelingangel7517]

fiction

[@mariag.8242]

Every nonviolent prisoner, and people nearing the end of their sentences, should be released. Prisons are ridiculously overcrowded and unhealthy, already violate basic human rights and now are deadly. Get them out!

[@adad7421]

@mister boolord and health

[@johncrowe5164]

Someone Should Tell Donald that the Giant Q-tip Isn't The Whole Test..

[@Karajorma]

Someone should tell him that he has to push it in harder when he encounters resistance. At this point, I honestly don't think a self-inflicted lobotomy would make him worse.

[@noneofyourbusiness6309]

@Lumis Sappier lol lol

[@vivianperino5006]

John Crowe ....who keeps swabs and Q Tips in their suit pocket?

[@sydneymarshall3204]

Boy will he be surprised.

[@noneofyourbusiness6309]

@@vivianperino5006 - that was the prop they used to show him..he got so excited he had to show everyone...

[@johnbrown2035]

If we get this wrong again in November, I don’t want to hear any complaining from anyone.

[@neogenzim1995]

i mean, i think we can still rightly be angry at the electoral college problem. my vote in california is worth like a 10th of someone's in wyoming... how the fuck can we call this a democracy?

[@jayweh]

wait, so trump's ral... uh presser was him reading favorable articles by the press?!

[@FatNebraskaMom]

Literally choked on my watee when dump said "aroused" and stephens reaction lmmfaoooooo

[@darkangel4185]

🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

[@Ezero8]

Why on earth would someone write "Trump" and "aroused" in the same article??

[@cherylalt101]

jon jon You can choke without choking to death can't you? So why not literally lol?

[@cherylalt101]

J.Chan and why write aroused so many times? and how could trump read this without realizing how ridiculous saying aroused repeatedly would sound? the same way he can acted impressed by a long cotton swab and purposely put a QTip in his pocket for comparison and then act like he doesn't know what's inside the paper wrapping lol.

[@jeffreyalindsey]

any journalist who writes a favorable article about him is suddenly a "respected journalist"

[@donnydrumpf457]

It’s the only way OANN would ever be called respectable by anyone, just advance a dictators plan and worship/praise him and everything he does. OANN is the definition of fake news/state propaganda

[@randalldavis3251]

@@donnydrumpf457 I noticed that,too.He always does that and conversely anyone who criticizes him he calls derogatory names and denigrates.

[@DaveGIS123]

I'd like to see who paid him for the article. Oh, and payment doesn't have to be in cash -- it could be in special "access" to future news scoops.

[@kettlepunch9646]

I just love how other leaders are actually giving meaningful info out to the public's and Trump shows swabs and brags about himself. But his country is dying.... Sigh the true representation of a spoiled rich person. Unqualified to even tie his own shoes

[@travelingangel7517]

Trump cant reach his shoes to tie them

[@Khronogi]

I was saying that trump should be showing how these tests work a month ago. Guess I have better sense than the president.

[@tomsenft7434]

I never new watt a swab was...

[@trez735]

Stupid comment. Grow a brain.

[@dongreenlee675]

No he can't tie his shoes because his hands are too small.......

[@gorrillawarfair]

Its hard to get it aroused because he inherited broken junk.

[@jennybiddle-smiley7173]

gorillawarfair lol

[@delugesofgrandeur]

Him saying aroused and Stephen retching was the perfect response.

[@staceykersting705]

How can he tell if it;s aroused...it's all buried in fat.

[@simongiles9749]

With that and how long the swab is, I think mushroom man has something on his mind. ..

[@hannahwells9930]

eeeewwwww I will not be eating Mushroom soup today gags... and now you made me waste food during a pandemic... question why isn't trump shrinking have they not closed MacDonalds and KFC.. cough on the food you brave fast food workers.. Trump opposed $15 an hour !

[@astridschwarz5473]

Oh ... Really? The president can get a swap ... who would have thought? Does he know, we are not worried about the rich to get tested, but about the masses. Who can stand this man - I get so angry when I hear him, see him or hesr about him! This guy is TREMENDOUSLY annoying! And I'm even using one of his favourite words ... argh!

[@CloudsGirl7]

But you're using it correctly, not even as hyperbole, therefore it sounds better coming from you.

[@astridschwarz5473]

@@CloudsGirl7 thanks a lot.

[@unkown_996]

aha...really???? and you liked the homosexual not american Obama??? really???? and his ( wife) michael?????

[@danniles5256]

I have to change the channel when Trump is speaking..or i will lose it.

[@astridschwarz5473]

@@unkown_996 you often went into Obama's bedroom? Homosexual? Really going that low, are you? Still believing this stupid lie about his birthplace even though he brouhht his birth certificate? Trump cheated on all his wives, had sex parties with who knows how many females while married - it is on tape, too! He is a sexist and even though his grandfather was German, his mother was Irish and he has undocumented foreigners working in his businesses everywhere - you get on the high horse claiming Obama were homosexual? This is so ... low - not even an argument one should pay attention to. If one starts using invective speech discussion is over! You discredited yourself and time will prove how wrong your assumptions are, but you do not listen, do not care and follow like a lamb this guy who is about to slaugther thousand of Americans while he worries about his polls and claims how wonderful his ban of flights from China was - which was no ban at all, cause Americans were still allowed to fly from and to China and Chinese could come in via Europe and Canada. Of course you don't believe this, but we here in Germany are watching in growing disbelief the graziness that is Trump, Pence and GOP. You are so doomed and keep dancing in the streets and on the beaches - it will hit America in a way only third World countries will be hit! And yeah, we will come to your aid, cause America came to our aid after WWII - after our monster (Hitler and Nazis) almost destroyed half of the world. We will help you, after your monster (Trump) struck down this beautiful idea of a great democratic nation.

[@thenecrophymm6591]

remember when they used to call everyone else entitled ...

[@pauld.b7129]

As humans and Americans we are entitled to certain rights that the government cannot take away. Yet they are trying to under the guise of public saftey. They are in the right here. The government has no place shutting down whatever businesses they see fit, restricting freedom of movement, and giving us 'orders' to stay home. All while paying us a dismal copout payment for our trouble. This shutdown never should have happened, hope the idiots on the left join the protests. But they'll probably just stay home on their high horse so they can tell everyone what a hero they are for staying home.

[@allhumansarejusthuman.5776]

@@pauld.b7129 If your dead you cannot pursue life liberty or happiness. Quarantine and stay at home orders is about protecting the rights of citizens.

[@lizardog]

@@pauld.b7129 Trumpers are the biggest snowflakes of all. And since you missed it in school, your rights end where mine begin, bud. What you're advocating is reckless endangerment, but I don't expect you to see that. Clearly, you'd be happier in another country.

[@thecraziestcrayon]

If I never hear cheeto head say the word aroused ever again, it would be too soon. I was ready to hurl too.

[@peterl.104]

Lisa Elissa Just don’t drink it with vinegar. I hear it’s dangerous to mix the two. Seriously, you’re joking, but I want to make sure that you don’t drink bleach. It damages the kidneys, among other things, which can eventually kill you.

[@lilRadRidinHood]

Did he use his pre-inaugural tactics to grab it by the p- (never mind!)

[@serious7179]

That "aroused" almost had me running to the toilet.

[@arroyotyronejonep.5789]

6:12 Stephen: Trump also said a lot of dumb stuff Me: Uhh...doesn't he always say dumb stuff?

[@philipclayberg4928]

Trump saying dumb stuff. Sounds redundant to me.

[@stevewebber707]

Well now and then he says something sensible (reading a script someone else wrote). Of course he usually contradicts that soon enough.

[@pandoraswatcher9637]

We need a new word for the things he says

[@chrissiek8706]

@@stevewebber707 if he manages not to get lost in the teleprompter...

[@barbaraakpakpa3592]

@@pandoraswatcher9637 Another name for the things he says. How about flatulence. A fart, like his words, only benefit the producer. Everyone else is offended.

[@Aman.Gupta888]

These are some of the best late night shows I’ve ever seen in my life. Bravo Mr.Colbert 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@NewMessage]

We shouldn't be surprised that Donnie's going out of his way to say a little q-tip is just as good as an average sized swab. To hear Stormie tell it, anyhow.

[@notsure1969]

"Trump rewrites the book on emergencies... by scribbling on the pages with a Sharpie." Plus, the Ruth's Chris joke really got me for some reason.

[@stephaniehenry5617]

Dry heaving have me cracking up.

[@victoriachism4741]

"It's not about me!" he said. Yeah, and I'm the Queen of Sheba!

[@dangeldoll]

Victoria Chism Your Highness! dips head

[@rachelciel3330]

@@dangeldoll Atrocious! It's *Your Majesty*!!

[@hannahwells9930]

Your Majesty curtseys.. and would feed you grapes but social distancing.. suspends bunch of grapes on very long pole from across the pond

[@luvmibratt]

The whole time he talked about the q-tip I couldn't close my mouth---so fascinating 😦

[@busolaak]

I'm sure I didn't need to see Tinkerbell Trump 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

[@muppetallica]

Even worse was listening to him say how "hard it was to get it aroused", "but we got it aroused." Imagine hearing that while seeing him as Trumperbell. Makes me think Stormy Daniels really earned her money.

[@jharrington08able]

🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

I wish i could unsee it!

[@IAmJustR]

i witnessed the Challenger explosion and now this 😐

[@jharrington08able]

@@IAmJustR omg right? Did your teacher bring a TV into class too?

[@Dosdo]

I was incredibly distracted by how snazzy that gorgeous green shirt is.

[@fjdslkfjdsklfjdsklfj]

If he actually inherited “broken junk,” Ebola would have swept this nation.

[@ARichardP]

Had over three years to build it into something wonderful. If you can have a terrific, 10 out of 10 response in two and a half months imagine what it could have been with preparing for three years.

[@Karajorma]

Funny how he spent all that time arguing that he should build the wall instead of build the pandemic response if he thought it was so important then.

[@CCCC-rw9hx]

@@ARichardP the idea is NOT to rebuild, it's just to remove or destroy. He pulled the pandemic preparedness because he thought it was a waste of money. And an Obama thing. It's what he wanted to do with healthcare. He had, and still has, no other plan for healthcare but he pushes for the end of Obama care. And I wish ,just once, that when he says he inherited broken tests,someone would point out that this is a new virus..... there were no tests for it .

[@SpaceForceCommander]

For Trump, everyday is “Mission Accomplished” against Covid-19.

[@hankt8491]

Damn you Colbert! 🤣There's strawberry milk all over the keyboard and monitor thanks to your "broken junk" remark.

[@sandramesser1246]

Thank you, one and all! And thank you, you wonderful Stephen Colbert.

[@annala2956]

“That’s why only true sophisticates measure their fruit by the foot.”

[@smiller2044]

😀

[@iantsc5995]

Look at him waving that swab like a magic wand. "If I wave this wand hard enough, it will magically go away."

[@bronztrooper9440]

@Becurious I didn't want to visualize that, but now I have Where's the mind bleach?

[@khalidabdulkadir3410]

I read that in a Trump voice in my head lol

[@MonK3yzUnkL]

You had me at "Beloved" and "maybe its a knee slapper". Oh dear. 😆

[@Runzi333]

Tell John I'm sorry he has to fight through senior year during this. Highschool might be way easier for him than it was for me but this stuff is crazy and I can't imagine dealing with that right now.

[@phoenixsky6124]

America- where there’s all the rights and no responsibilities 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@penelopegreene]

That's not actually true. If you have no money, you get all the responsibilities and no rights.... XD

[@phoenixsky6124]

That’s a different head of the dragon. You have those rights, take them, stop waiting for permission.

[@superfreakmusic7681]

How is staying home to save lives an injustice?! I can sort of sympathise with those who are destitute and need to go back to work, but protesting cause 'ah caint buy ma grass seed' is just pure insanity!

[@prettyevil6662000]

I'm actually baffled by the grass seed guy. Because big lawn and garden hardware stores are still open as essential businesses. He can go buy grass seed and fertilizer at one of these places. It's like he didn't even try and just assumed they were closed so now he's throwing a fit about his own wrong assumption.

[@ffeff8353]

"Quick kids! Scream 'lock her up!' or I'll die!" -- if only... if only!!!

[@sharonmullins1957]

1 reporter with guts!!! Go dude!

[@suzanjurist2339]

He was talking about himself he's such a liar

[@ARichardP]

This one was a whopper.

[@robertnett9793]

6:25... yes. this one statement of Trump really might be true. It IS really incredible what he did with testing. Indescribable. Unspeakable even.

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"Oh. And check your calendars, 'cause _today_ is _4/20!"_ Ah, yes. Hitler's birthday.

[@Alex-vq9vj]

@Don Jr, try 75 years instead

[@gardenmaniac1553]

@@Alex-vq9vj reincarnated in the form of an orange pig.

[@kirscherine23]

@Don Jr, XD ich hab grad nach 4/20 kommentar gesucht.. und dann rennt plötzlich der schmäh!

[@juliewake4585]

Stephen’s Scottish accent was better than Mel Gibson’s.

[@gingercat777]

Is Trump signing the body bags as well?

[@louisechacon9836]

If Trump could work a photo op in, he would be putting the pen into his tiny hands.

[@CIAoperativeRinkEDink]

No that's Cuomo's job

[@jessicac4711]

You couldn’t asked that better, thank you Jeremy Diamond..

[@rockyallison6809]

Why aren’t these protesters talking about going back to work and paying their bills?

[@LyinLibtardsBeBarkyBarky]

What do you suppose they are talking about?

[@ggraves7321]

Rocky Allison WHITE FOLKS = WHITE PRIVILEGE!

[@loudsmoke8565]

@@ggraves7321 no one actually believes in white privilege. It's only a talking point for someone wanting a handout. Btw...covid19 (when everything comes out) has the same fatality rate as the flu. You people (far left) really can't think for yourselves

[@prettyevil6662000]

@@LyinLibtardsBeBarkyBarky I suppose they are talking about the shit that's on their signs and that they keep saying with their mouths - hair cuts (lots of people talking about hair cuts), hair dye, professional nails, lawn fertilizer and other nonsense that proves they have the excess finances to remain at home and just don't want to.

[@mischaminxx]

@@mslinda8456 this is why education is so important! Most of these idiots can't even understand basic math. 🤦

[@philipranjit4586]

the fact that stephen makes me laugh even without the audience laugh is just goddamn amazing and something probably only conan can do

[@brendanbloomberg3283]

You think this is funny?

[@janea5898]

Philip Ranjit Trevor Noah too. 😂

[@sevenup3917]

Stephen's _all family approach_ is really comforting ...(for those of us in confinement all-one ... iMean, alone ...)

[@blancheknox4171]

Think of all the bonding this has afforded you and your family. Blessings in disguise. Very proud of your Global Concert. Stay well, love to all.

[@Prizzlesticks]

"It's very sophisticated." I actually bust out laughing. Very loudly. My cat was startled awake because I never make much noise, that's how fucking hilarious that was. Geeze...

[@michaeljones8771]

Stinkerbell clips for everything going forward . It's the perfect likeness.

[@trevormendez5363]

When Freedom went wrong🤔🤔🤔

[@henryl6420]

We put a clown in office and he has given us a reality show.

[@deviantaffinity1626]

"The longer something is, the more sophisticated something is." 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@Anc12909]

John at the beginning of the show: " could u shut up I'm trying to read.. jeez"

[@missybarbour6885]

Another commenter on another video called these protestors "Branch Covidians" and it's the best thing I've heard in a while

[@benjamindeppen2694]

Oh god “is beloved funny”. That’s an unfortunate guess to that particular book

[@donmcallister3745]

Why is it that when I watch these Trump “ press conferences “... ( really... propaganda directed at his “ base “ ) ... I keep seeing Tony Soprano... making a phone call.. and saying...” Our friend from Queens... Disappear ‘em !!!! 🍊😡🍊🦠🍊😡🍊

[@aaronsondag8347]

Because you watch the edited versions from CNN and other media outlets that portray them as such

[@grannysweet]

Thank you.😎👍🐶

[@adampolak6358]

Stephen: Is Beloved funny? Beloved: *is ~300 pages of deeply traumatic slavery flashbacks*

[@buttahp]

I was like ooo he got dark on us. Making sure his kid did his work.

[@rocscee6902]

EXACTLY!!!

[@Xan923]

Beloved is a great book he’s a good kid for not just cliff noting it lol

[@coreygray4459]

I like the shirt. It is mesmerizing.

[@kassandraskye3287]

Did he actually just compare protesters to Rosa Parks? I don’t know wtf is happening in our government.

[@Thatfanboi17]

I am still your host. Yes, yes you are. XD

[@Gored1]

The q-tip ordeal kills me.

[@asiamarie4]

All Trump impressions make me laugh, but this one my friend, made me cry. 😂😂😂 Wait a minute. He held up his "award" for show and tell... What is this, kindergarten!?

[@seanjokela]

At first he says he has total authority, then he says 'liberate' to only prove that he has no authority.

[@seanjokela]

@@brandensilverstar presidents have lots of power, but when you're too stupid to use it, it's meaningless. The federal government was bidding against state governments, which raised the prices of the protective equipment for everyone.

[@lordmandy5445]

Omg. Good luck to John reading Beloved. That is an emotionally difficult read.

[@pingpan]

Imagine if the president was a good president at this time.

[@TheDLitch]

Pingpan N.D. Obama would have been way ahead of this so that it wouldn’t be as bad as it is.

[@LeesaDeAndrea]

If it wasn't for tv, I wouldn't know what day of the week it is.

[@stixvane]

Hahah I just read Beloved in college, "American Horror," and uh yea. I wouldn't describe it as a knee a slapper.

[@FlorenceB12]

I should not eat or drink while watching. ROFL, I'm either going to choke or spit out food/drink all over the place. Stephen, thank you for the laughs. I so need it when I hear about Trump updates.

[@sluttymctits4496]

I can almost hear his son John's eyes rolling at the beginning. 😂

[@GeneField]

This is what it's come to, the President of the United States of America demonstrating the difference between a swab and a qtip. Every day I think I've seen it all, and yet...