Trust Issues: Unveiling Toxic Family Patterns & Relationship Struggles

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

KZbin will make available to view the live chatbox within 12 hours of this chat ending. Always the best part! *To see my live chat on unapologetically rude people, click here: kzbin.infoC2GjCQp4Kyg. Rude behavior can certainly erode trust very quickly. ----------------- * Yamagishi's Emancipation Theory of Trust -www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jsr1950/57/3/57_3_564/_article#:~:text=In%20The%20Structure%20of%20Trust%20%281998%29%2C%20Toshio%20Yamagishi,argument%20is%20called%20the%20%E2%80%9Cemancipation%20theory%20of%20trust.%E2%80%9D

[@YoutubesFromWayback]

So very Intelligent and Sweet, a Gem to Online.

[@lynnwilder4500]

You're right. The fact that I'm here shows there's still a little trust left. I think it's connected to hope. I am trusting you more than my sister who I've known for decades because I believe you are compassionate and wanting to help your listeners to heal. Thank you ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Well said!! Agree. That's always a good sign.

[@lynnwilder4500]

@@TherapistTamaraHill thanks for all you share

[@Shiningbrilliantly2024]

Wow! Betrayal trauma. Interesting to know! We trust sometimes too much!

[@barbpace-lamb]

I’m finally learning my gut is correct

[@designerguy6257]

6:10 Trust needed to survive. Assumed trust

[@jamesMcdonald-m7z]

The Japanese study you mentioned was interesting- even though my mothers side were close knit&and never really took too outsiders>>i was still unable to ever trust them due to their dishonesty and boundary crossing(So instead) i looked for parental and family figures within friends& and relationships i had in my adult years because of the lack of love and affection i received from my care-givers and immediate family- sadly i was willing to be more open and put more faith and trust in strangers at-times because of the painful void i used to have deep within when i was a young-man>> Now i truly understand why i had all these MALADAPTIVE behaviours and coping strategies

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Comment well said! I agree. And the study is interesting, but it has its limitations. I posted it above for those who want to learn more. But your experience aligns with most people. It IS all about survival and that's such an eye-opening revelation once it is arrived at.

[@kimmathe6701]

Because there were broken promises and I didn't feel safe or secure growing up. I so wanted to trust and feel security. I was blind sided. (In a long term relationship, for decades.) Then realized he was living a double life. In his retirement , I discovered all the secrets he hid. He lived a double life , the entire time we were together. I honestly didn't see the red flags because, I trusted someone that was untrustworthy and I believed lies . His humor and manipulation and charm and myself being trauma bonded , kept me stuck. That's so interesting about the Japanese study. I have a friend, whose Japanese and their family is so close and loving. What I see as an issue is enmeshment . But, they have a strong bond. Very interesting study.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is the foundation of mistrust for a lot of people. It's probably impacted you in so many ways. I do hope that you have been able to still experience healthy relationships (or at least one) that makes you feel safe or at least loved and appreciated. I wonder, sometimes, if the Japanese culture knows more about relationships than we do (including education, employment, etc). A lot of the things we experience in America and other modern civiliations do not happen in Japanese families.

[@Shiningbrilliantly2024]

Social trust in today’s world is hard! Society has a lot of distractions and deceptions through interactions!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Very much agree with this. And I'm not sure society will change.

[@maryclebeau]

I so needed this video as to understanding of how I process this trust issue I have dealt with my whole life. I can’t get too close to people and when I have, I have been hurt and so therefore, I have stayed in my lane! And at times felt lonely.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I totally understand. So many people go through this. We need more education on trust. This won't be the last conversation of this on this channel!

[@Pukeyray]

Good stuff latley. Thanks for the study is that's how I feel. Not gullible but brave and trying to build bridges. I recently found betrayal trauma to be real. I think I went through a polyvagal shutdown and betrayal was my bungie cord of "you can bounce back" being cut halfway down the canyon.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!! And you're welcome. That study is in my pinned comment in case you want to see that. I will also post the podcast collaboration coming up in November where I discuss betrayal trauma. I think you all on the channel will like this.

[@barbpace-lamb]

IMO society is dealing with narcissistic abuse. We are very careful

[@truth4utoda]

Good point 😂 I agree

[@kimmathe6701]

Thank you. Blessings

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! 😊 And thank you!

[@halfthebattleknowingis4862]

It all goes back to the family for me. It's like if I can trust y'all then I can't trust nobody. I don't want to trust nobody if I can't trust y'all. However, Doctor; I'm gonna trust that you will get my tag name right one day.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🙊 I'm practicing it now!

[@halfthebattleknowingis4862]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Lol. You are amazing. Hey, there is interest in a passage in "The Racial Trauma Handbook For Teens" regarding negative ways families cope with racial trauma. Afrocentrism is highlighted as a negative coping mechanism. It wasn't expounded upon. I would like to know more. At your leisure of course if you will. Maybe you would like to email me??

[@MomTube-i9w]

Oceans of blessings y'all ❤❤❤❤❤

[@maryclebeau]

Looking forward to your next videos and podcasts. I am new to your channel 🙏👏💐💌

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome aboard! Glad to have you! And thank you.

[@barbpace-lamb]

Loud and clear

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you!

[@barbpace-lamb]

You have to trust your self before all

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Agree!

[@sweariefaerie9621]

18:46 Well, I trust people's self preservation instincts, meaning they're not likely to knowingly put their livelihood at risk.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's an interesting perspective. I can go with that theory.

[@danielcroneycroney4846]

Woman of Straw, 1964 movie The father tells the son trust no one! This came right on time

[@markesabowers1567]

Good morning happy Sunday! This is some rich content of studies . I agree trusting is a process. Thank you for sharing. I needed this

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad it was helpful! You're welcome. And thanks for watching.

[@sweariefaerie9621]

10:13 My adoptive mother actively refused to bond with me for the first 2 years of my life just in case her sister (my bio mom) wanted me back.

[@kimmathe6701]

Your good,!!

[@kimmathe6701]

No worries!!

[@EmpressEmpress-53]

Great information. 💯

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Glad you found it helpful! Thank you.

[@JoeBlow-tf4cc]

I trust babies & puppies.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤣👏

[@sumedw]

love your content !! question- as a ‘recovering all-or-nothing-er’ 🙄, is trust all or nothing or more continuum ? how do you commit to trusting someone yet ‘hold back’ without in reality that being ‘distrusting’ … does that make sense ?!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

This is a great question. I think that would depend on the person. I tend to trust on a continuum, while others may trust in an all-or-nothing way. For example, an individual with borderline personality disorder and a fear of abandonment, may not trust on a continuum but rather in an all-or-nothing way because that's often what happens for these individuals. They see you as either good or bad, trustworthy or deceptive. There's no in-between. And as far as the last comment, I don't think you can do both. You have to decide to trust and take baby-steps with the other person. That's wise. We do have to remember that we aren't going to be able to cover all ground and stop being deceived or "tricked" by other people who aren't honest. BUT we can certainly reduce the risk by being aware of how we move forward, in trust, in a relationship until there is a reason to no longer trust that person.

[@sumedw]

@@TherapistTamaraHill ahhhh … ok ok … dang - maybe i’m not as much of an all or nothing recover-er as i thought 😂. i think i essentially asked my question from a very all or nothing POV … im trying to learn how to hold both sides of the coin at the same time, even though i can only see one side at the time. #struggleisreal that said , your answer is resonating. in a way , the DECISION to trust is all or nothing ; however , the PROCESS of trusting is incremental and built upon . like , if there are 10 steps in the proverbial ladder of trust to climb , you are 100% committed to the decision of trying to climb the ladder. (here is where i typically think - ‘ok, i’ve committed so i’m all in either way’) but in reality , there’s 10 steps to climb before we reach ‘im all in’ in a totality way. it sounds like, the next step is the decision to commitment fully to the first rung …. and if that proves trustworthy, then i fully commit to the next rung , and the next etc. i think i’m getting it. it’s percolating in my brain and i’ll have to sit on that a bit , but THANK YOU !! 🙏🏻 🙌🏻

[@kimmathe6701]

I would have the mechanic contact my boyfriend before he did any work on my vehicle!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🙊😂Makes sense

[@OrlanduHolySwordsman]

Now I may be wrong but KZbin algorithm doesnt particularly favor videos with all CAPS in the title. To KZbin, thats spammy behavior and so youtube will block or will be less likely to reccomend it. Or it will suggest it but not to many people. That means putting the title in all caps can limit the organic reach of the video and thus, new viewers. You may get your base subscriber views because youtube first notifies your base subscriber but it may not reccomend it to many outside of that. I could be wrong but I rarely, if ever, do I see all capitalized video titles in my reccomended or suggested. Just wanna see ya thrive. 🎉

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Hi there, thank you! I've heard of that before. Not sure it really makes a difference, like, for example, including keywords. Used to be a thing and now it's not! I've used small caps in previous videos. Both methods worked for me. The channel was built on all-caps. HOWEVER, I will give it a shot here and in the next video to say thank you for reaching out. Always open to learning something new! Thank you for that tip!