Trying To Act Normal for 30 Years | Living With Autism | Full Documentary

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For most of his life, TV Presenter Chris Packham didn’t tell anyone about the one thing that in many ways has defined his entire existence. Chris is autistic - he has Asperger’s Syndrome, which means he struggles in social situations, has difficulty with human relationships, and is, by his own admission, "a little bit weird".
But what if there was a way of taking away these autistic traits? Would Chris ever choose to be ‘normal’?
In this documentary, Chris invites us inside his autistic world to try to show what it’s really like being him. He lives alone in the woods with his "best friend" Scratchy the dog; but he also has a long-term partner, Charlotte, who discusses the problems Asperger’s creates in their relationship - she describes Chris as being sometimes "like an alien".
Chris experiences the world in a very different way, with heightened senses that at times are overwhelming, and a mind that is constant bouncing from one subject to the next.
Growing up at a time when little was known about autism, Chris wasn’t diagnosed with Asperger’s until he was in his 40s. With scientific advances offering new possibilities to treat his condition, Chris travels to America to witness radical therapies that appear to offer the possibility of entirely eradicating problematic autistic traits; but he also meets those who are challenging the idea that autistic people need to change in order to fit into society.
Confronting this deeply personal subject with brutal honesty, and reflecting on the devastating struggles of his adolescence, Chris explores the question of whether he’d ever want to be cured himself, or whether, ultimately, Asperger’s has helped make him who he is today.
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[@mariekatherine5238]

I was diagnosed at age 63. I always felt different, never fit in, didn’t have friends, was just considered weird, quirky, or stuck up. Guess what? I’m still the same, only now that different feeling has a name. I too, live alone in the woods with my three dogs and a cat. I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy going to town, shopping, going to clubs, parties, social clubs. I go to my local senior center where I belong to the art league, the pottery club, photography club, nature and environmental club.

[@bookbeing]

My happy place is in a cabin in the woods too. The frogs, birds, trees are much easier to be around than people. 💜

[@i_luv_hecklefish]

You just described how I feel every day of my life. 😢

[@joytotheworld2100]

I've never been diagnosed but I do have ADHD. I'm 64 and have horrible anxiety about very specific things. Sensory issues, social issues.Your marvelous.

[@jmo2104]

Oh my gosh! I was diagnosed last year at 63 as well.

[@harlowblackadder356]

"Stuck up." -That one really gets me! I lost a few boyfriends because I wasn't "casual" enough (or something) for their friends and family. When you read books to learn manners and how to interact with people, sometimes it comes out a bit stuck up, I guess. LOL

[@jenpw1525]

My husband pointed out my a typical behaviours and I finally got diagnosed in my 40’s. My parents were raised with a very old school belief that mentally Ill go to insane asylums, so they would never take me to see a doctor. Somehow I survived childhood but it was rough. Now I understand why kids took advantage of me. They took my lunch money,my toys,my make up, my clothes, my bikes, even my motorcycle. I constantly gave them rides with my gas. I thought that was how friends worked. I give them stuff and they be my friend. Now I see that I was naive and abused. I married a wonderful man that protects me and makes sure that people treat me with kindness and respect at all times.

[@auntihooha]

I think the "remedy" should be finding the thing that sparks the autistic person's curiosity. They need direction and mentorship, not "treatment."

[@LudvikKoutnyArt]

💯

[@paracausalotter2689]

After being screwed with my whole life and forced into this "you're not autistic you're just lazy", being forced to plug into situations I hate simply to survive, being forced to deal with things that are too loud and just having my senses blasted for 30+ years I've become numb. All that social anxiety just sort of turned into a general disdain for humanity. Yeah I'd love to live in a world where people don't rapidly escalste situations and become detrimental to me before I can even register wtf just happened. I'm glad some my fellow spectrum comrades found some kind of peace. I'm just mad as hell, working hard as hell to eventually just find my place in nature away from this cluster f.

[@TaxTheChurches.]

Sounds like isolation would help. Are you able to move away from the cluster-f?

[@057wolf]

It led me to severe drug abuse. People found me more relatable and easy to talk to when I was on amphetamines.

[@bianchaesson1441]

​@@057wolfI'm sure there's many more who've taken a similar path to you. I'm also certain that many prisoners are also in a similar way!

[@mammadingo9165]

That is my desire also

[@bianchaesson1441]

Gosh!! Your poor broken heart!!💔💔 What a journey!! I don't know how you'll feel about this but .... I was thinking about this type of situation, about the life of the man in the documentary, and all the beautiful damaged souls because of humanities lack of knowledge, insight, lack of pure heartedness!! People generally in society are not spiritually mature, to my mind that's the main problem. This lovely man in this documentary, his heightened sense of love and appreciation for nature, his absolute sense of awe and wonder, the deep pure sensitivity you all possess, these are faculties of the soul, they're not failings!!! When humanity develops more, over time, attitudes will change. People will become more insightful, compassionate. That may be of no comfort to you whatsoever right now, but just know that things will change for others of "your family" in times to come. Also know that your enormous suffering is NOT in vain! Whether you believe or not, God will reward you all greatly when you finally pass from this world of suffering into the spiritual realm, which is then for eternity. That's more than we can really comprehend, but if you think of a child in the womb, how confined it's life is, but once it's born into this world, it's a mighty change that a baby cannot comprehend until it grows and develops into adulthood. But the eternal spiritual realm is something much much more beautiful than a human could ever describe. O Son of Man! Veiled in My immemorial being and in the ancient eternity of My essence, I knew My love for thee; therefore I created thee, have engraved on thee Mine image and revealed to thee My beauty. ~ Bahá'u'lláh ~ This is to us from God. This is you, created in God's image, with all the virtues, spiritual qualities. Warmest love and prayers to you dear friend!!💙🌟

[@davidcarr2649]

I was diagnosed at almost 50. Understanding my diagnosis has been like cleaning a foggy mirror. I am finally seeing the real me. I'm 55 now and live in the smallest home you can imagine (actually, it's smaller than most imagine, my floor/bed area is 2 square meters), but on acreage. I live by myself with my myself 3 Pomeranians. I have always had a feeling that I was different. My IQ is above average, but I performed poorly academically throughout life. Since the 23rd of September this year, I have no friends (I found my bestie deceased). I like being alone, but I do feel lonely at times, and as smart as they are, the dogs don't talk back. I feel that I am too intelligent to be autistic, as when I think of autism, I think of someone who needs a carer. I don't. On the other hand, I feel too different to be part of normal society. Believe me, I have tried, been successful at it too, but normal was never a comfortable fit. I mixed with those of no hope, criminals, and those with dependence on drugs and alcohol. I became a stoner and still partake daily. I left the big city to move to where there's far fewer people, but more trees. My diagnosis was clear, but I am only just on the spectrum. Just enough to not be normal. Making proper friends is too difficult. I have heaps of acquaintances, several people who say they care about me (but don't, or rarely contact me) dozens more who i enjoy talking to, but those times are rare. Apart from my birthday and Xmas, my phone doesn't ring. Even on those days, it only rings once or twice. Part of me is happy with my life, but the loneliness gets me at times. It makes me feel far from normal, as most people have a friend or two that they are close to frequently. Thanks for reading.

[@vivalaleta]

Just enough to be not normal - so being able to see that you are not in fact normal. I have often felt, when I meet people who seem more deeply afflicted, that aren't they the lucky ones, to live in their heads without seeing how different they are.

[@Peacelovecannabis]

I feel very similar and am also a stoner, cannabis helps me and my dog, thanks for sharing your story

[@SpiKSpaN-ei6zq]

At least you're off on your own. I can't get away from people 😔😊

[@jennyroth6583]

Thank you for sharing, blessings ❤

[@waltonsmith7210]

​@@vivalaletaMaybe they just dont care how "different" they are.

[@sashanealand8315]

Im an older laboratory chemist and I have a panic attack everytime I have to go to work now. It used to be almost everyone in chemistry was pretty nerdy like me and the lab was the one place I could function, but now science has been flooded with socially normal people and I cant fit in anymore. I miss the quiet and being able to work individually with the instruments.

[@Will-ef2tw]

I'm sry that sucks but at least ur functional enough to be in an industry.

[@marvinwilliams7938]

It’s all that diversity and inclusion at the cost of meritocracy

[@ilaglikehell]

I understand because i experience the same although i am only about to hit 33. Back when i was 20, it was normal for lab workers to be introverted, a little weird and quirky. Everyone understood it right away and had fun nonetheless while doing their job. Since 2 years ago i joined a huge company and most of my colleagues are people with less than 5 years experience, mostly women hired straight after training. Everything is extrovert now. Tables are run by tight friend groups and you need to fit in. Gossip is very common and generally accepted. People who aren't the same as others are estranged. People only talk about achievements, possessions, other people, and mainstream tv shows. It kept me sharp and i improved myself but i don't enjoy this. I am already looking into working somewhere else.

[@luka188]

@@ilaglikehell I bet barely any work gets done in that environment. This kind of environment is completely unproductive and purposeless..

[@awesomecutieusername]

This sounds like an awful work experience I'm sorry :(@@ilaglikehell

[@Fey98]

I really like this video. I wouldn't change myself for the world. For everyone struggling with autism. Identify your weaknesses and problematic behavioral patterns, and identify your strengths. Stop trying to fit into society. Protect yourself from a possible crash along the line. And try to get help if you're struggling. Embrace you for who and what you are and try to be the best version you can possibly be. If you struggle explaining how you feel verbally try to write it down if you can. Every single one of us is unique, we are different, and it makes us special. Remember that it's okay to not be okay. Don't expect people to take the time and effort to really understand and appreciate you. Instead learn to appreciate and understand yourself. Something I once read somewhere: "We are not disabled by our autism. We are disabled by our environment" Good luck in life strangers, make the best out of it!

[@HonkeeDorry]

Lately I’ve been questioning if I might be autistic, and just reading your comment now made a lot of sense to me and now it’s making me think maybe I finally figured out what might be different about me. Not 100 percent on that yet but…I’ve been diagnosed as bi polar with PTSD, and I also have always felt like there’s just an aspect to myself that nobody will ever understand because I don’t appear to others as if I’m not a fully functioning human being. I’ve crashed very hard the past 4 years (not sure if crash is a typical autism term or not) after working soooo hard for sooo many years to try to climb up the latter of success and I really don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I’m terrified I’ll never get back up. I also have always found it easier to communicate my truest thoughts and feelings through writing, and throughout my life have often found myself freezing up during random moments which cause me to get really embarrassed sometimes to where I need to walk away from the situation because I can’t explain what is happening to me. It’s sometimes scary how quick my mind can bounce from one thing to the next and how easy it can be for me to understand complex concepts without much prior study. I’m no mathematician but Ive devoured alot of information in my day and have always had a peculiar sense of an innate understanding of things I didn’t know I even understood. My anger can sometimes feel uncontrollable and I explode by screaming at the top of my lungs when I do lash out, sometimes stomping. Unexpected noises REALLY trigger me. Like a text going off on someone’s phone can really put me in a bad mood. I obsess over a lot of the same things frequently. For me it’s Birthdays, Astrology, numerology, the number 7, South Park, Tupac, and ancient history. (In a nut shell) I’m struggling so bad lately, and idk if anyone can help me or how to help others try to help me. I’ve had 46 jobs in my life and I’m 37 and unemployed. I’ve recorded 300-400 songs and written many more than that. I did learn, and kinda teach myself at an early age to not try to fit in with society. I’ve always sorta tried to dare to be different but I also have strived for some “normalcy” and it’s very hard to come by for me. I feel like I’ve never had too much stability in my life either. Tbh, I’m not sure why exactly I’m sharing this with you. I guess it was kind of on a hunch because I could really identify with your comment. It’s great advice for anyone in my opinion. Idk enough about autism at its core to say whether or not your comment would directly apply to someone who is autistic. That’s why I’m watching this video actually. I absolutely need distractions in my life that I’m actually interested in or my anxiety goes through the roof to where every minute of every day becomes anguish. I do love myself, and I wouldn’t want to change myself to fit any consensus, but I feel like the system doesn’t love me and in order to have any freedom or gain any real respect in the world, I need to become the system, and I’m the polar opposite of it. Sorry I know that was a mouthful, but I read your comment and I just followed my gut. You seem like a nice person, and if you’re autistic, maybe you could tell me if any of those things I mentioned seem like any dead giveaways that maybe I’m not crazy and maybe I’ve just been dealing with my own autism my whole life. I took a quiz that said about 60% of my answers were consistent with being autistic so I decided to look up a documentary on autism and it brought me here. 🤷🏼‍♀️ oh yeah, and I’m also a transgender person…I doubt that has anything to do with autism, but thought it might be worth a mention. If anyone else reads this, and has a lot of knowledge on autism, psychology, mental health etc. I’d love your opinions! Thank you! God bless! 🙏

[@Fey98]

@@HonkeeDorry I want to start with a thank you. Thank you for the time and effort you put into your message. I've read it 4 times to make sure I wouldn't have missed something. I want you to know that I think you're very brave to open up about so many personal details to a stranger on the internet. In return I will give you some information about me. I have been diagnosed with ASD, bipolar disorder and chronic depression. For me it has been and still is a daily challenge to live a relatively normal life. I am no mental health professional so I want to remain cautious with anything I say someone would take as advice. All I say is based on personal opinions and experiences alone. The things you've written down and told about yourself. I think it it's best if you will get yourself tested for ASD by a psychologist. If results would end up in another diagnose, which in this case ASD. It might help you along the way getting a better understanding of yourself and all the things that have happened in life. It could help you get a better understanding of things you could do to make things a little easier on yourself. You don't necessarily need a diagnosis to learn and improve. But clarity could help and give you a sense of direction. Whenever I got my diagnosis, it took me a really long time to accept that I was different. My entire life I have exhausted myself to fit in. To be what my parents wanted and expected me to be. My diagnosis crushed me, it turned me inside out. Because it made me realize I would never be 'normal'. I started to read about it, about people's experiences. The more I read and learned about it, the more my life started to make sense. I never really had friends. I had different interests and hobby's than my peers. I struggled with things people find easy. My communicative skills were always extremely lacking. My 'normal' personal/daily life was completely absent because all I did was keeping myself busy with my obsessions like, drawing, and mathematics/physics and a bit later in life video games. The inability to balance things put me into a deeper and deeper isolation over time. In school and at the jobs i've worked I was quite good at pretending to be someone I was not. Until eventually I couldn't do it anymore. I got more anxious over time over the simplest things, so the isolation got worse. Depressions started to be more impactful over time. Then some day I just completely crashed. And no one understood, and I was just couldn't explain myself to my family. They called me lazy, and looked down on me a lot. I always kept hope that one day it would resolve itself. But it never did. So I finally decided that I needed professional help. I felt destroyed, broken and pathetic. And no one seemed to understand or try to understand. And so finally I got help and got my diagnosis. I now know exactly what me weaknesses are and what to expect from myself. I don't want to fit in anymore. I don't want to be something I am not anymore. Sometimes I get frustrated over the things I lack which still hinder me in a lot of things. But I understand now, I understand why things are the way they are. I understand why I am not like anyone around me. I've had therapy and psychiatric help. And now, after all these years, I accept myself. I don't have to try to fit in anymore and that idea lifted the weight of the world off of my shoulders. Write down your feelings, emotions and thoughts on specific situations and/or moments. Keep track of the days and see how many good and bad days you have in a week. Try to understand why and how. Stop pushing yourself. Pushing yourself and just ''keep going'' sounds good in a motivational speech. But in practice it's a really bad approach. Drop everything, step away from whatever it is which makes you anxious and/or depressed. Create a bubble/safe space you can retreat to. And never be too hard on yourself. It's good to be and stay realistic. But sometimes it's the best thing to do. I was and still am terrified too. Terrified that things wont work out. That I am wasting away my life, that I will never amount to anything. But maintaining chaos in your mind, created by a number of problems, issues and other things going on. Nothing good will ever happen. Categorize everything and look at it piece by piece. I don't really know how to explain it in the English language but I will give a small example of how I approached it: - Personal well being /behavior / functioning ( analyze problems disfunctions ) - Work on consistency of the points stated above ( step by step, one thing at a time ) - Keep track of what happens in between that did and did not work out as I wanted, and try to focus on improving those. after this, education and financial stuff comes. But I hope it got across a basic idea. Every is different, with or without autism. But my point which im trying to get across is, Identify and learn. And never waste too much energy on the things you can't change. So getting yourself a possible diagnosis for ASD might be a really good thing. I do not know you in person, I do not know anything about you other than what you've written in your comment. But I want to tell you that you are beautiful the way you are. How you wrote your message and shared all of that with me and basically the rest of the world. Never change for anyone, only improve to be the best version of yourself. Living with all the difficulties you described is not easy. You are a strong person who had to go through a lot of stress, struggles and uncertainty's in life. I hope you don't judge yourself by the things that don't go right, but by the things that do. There's a quote from someone ( no clue who it is from ),- "Judge a fish by it's ability to climb a wall and he will go through life, thinking he's and idiot". Find courage and strength in the things that you can do well. And although society teaches us different, trying is worth a whole lot. Reminds me of a book I read some weeks ago. Its called " The Power Of Bad" by: Roy F. Baumeister. I hope this unorganized and poorly planned reply can at least make some sense to you. And I really hope you will figure some things out and that things might improve. Hold on and don't lose hope. Never let society define you. Keep your head up, look in the mirror and smile. Because that person in the mirror, is the only person you can rely on.

[@HonkeeDorry]

@@Fey98 I still need to read this more and I will. I just wanted to say that it’s mind boggling how much I can relate to the first couple of paragraphs so far! I’ve been in this perpetual “crash” since 2017 and it seems like it’s only getting more and more difficult and idk how to ever explain it to most of those closest to me. I feel like people think I’m just lazy now even though from age 14-34 I worked my butt off trying to keep up with life and my mental Illness and did a pretty damn good job of keeping it together considering all of the circumstances I’ve endured with the conditions I’ve been afflicted with and I still feel like there’s more for me to uncover about myself aside from my Bipolar, PTSD, social anxiety, and severe depression. I failed to mention the depression and anxiety but I think that’s kinda just part of my PTSD and bi polar disorder. I too struggled for many years taking on career paths that have done nothing but continue to wear me down. I hid being transgender for 25 plus years too, and was essentially leading a double life. So much more I could share! Something just told me that I could share all of this with you based on your comment. I also just want to say that you are very brave for sharing your story in the same way in order to try to help me. It’s very kind of you and I don’t want to take your time for granted. With that being said, I’m going to read your reply more thoroughly and send you a more thorough reply once I fully digest all that you’ve shared with me! Thank you so much sweetheart! You seem like you have a beautiful soul! 😊

[@HonkeeDorry]

@@Fey98 dankjewel! 😉 Wait…did I say that right? I tried to figure out your nationality based on your name and figure out how to say thank you in your language since you managed to articulate English very well actually so…great job! Honestly! 👏🤷🏼‍♀️😊

[@tpasof]

this comment is amazing lol, masking is damn near deathly for my mental health

[@effie3798]

Oh this made me weep. I am a mother of an autistic child in the USA. No ABA for us. Just acceptance, accommodation,homeschooling and socializing in socially accepting circles. I will never let my son absorb that something is wrong with him. He is beautiful just like this guy is beautiful.

[@patriciapolhemus8425]

This is the route we chose, too! No regrets. Our 15 year old son is thriving! He’s doing so well.

[@ricktherrien8235]

You are so wonderful and amazing!! Your son is so very lucky!!

[@laraoneal7284]

@effie3798 I agree with you.

[@freedomforusa1658]

Exactly.

[@bicho.cosmico]

Exactly! I feel so sorry for the kids on that terrible aba school 😢

[@davidmoss9943]

This man is full of soul, much more than most people I've met.

[@bridgetdraper5146]

I admire this man deeply. I have been caring for my Autistic son for 24 years. He is far more severe than this man. Watching this man gave me a tiny peek at my sons mind. Thank you for this!

[@art_by_jaha6052]

I can only guess how hard it must be as a parent at times. But still, i dont want to offend you, please please dont use words like „severe“. Its debilitating. Of course neurotypical kids are easier to handle. But autistic people are not incomplete nor are they sick. I myself struggle making it clear to people that i am not a poor lil human being with my autism. Im just a different species and if the world just let me be, my life would be wonderful and bright. Its the rigid system…the people in it, that hinder us. No such thing as „severe“…just because he does not mask as much, does not make him a severe case but an Autist who does or cannot mask.

[@Sassy-Sam]

@@art_by_jaha6052Well said. It’s as though you took the words right out of my mouth! P.S. I too, am autistic.

[@ericah6546]

I've always thought maybe us on the mild end of the spectrum could serve as a bridge of communication between those more severe and their loved ones, so it's inspiring to hear that.

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

Not only do I agree with this as someone who has the condition myself at age 53 (later in life diagnosis) but also speaking as an older gay man who has been on the gay scene a long time, Chris is a really handsome-looking man too 😍😍😍😍

[@rosameijering5161]

He has a wife

[@JulioCesarZermenoLotina-vl6jp]

I'm fortysix years old. I've always felt odd, a human imposter. This is my dream, to live alone in the woods. I suspect I have autism. I gave up on social human contact sixteen years ago. I hate loud noises, strong lights, and clothes tags. I'm very happy, alone, with my dog and two cats, away from people.

[@MelancholyRomantic]

I’m this way, but for me, I don’t believe it’s autism. I hate loud noises, strong lights, bright lights, I smell things that people don’t always smell, I’m just a sensitive person with PTSD. Although, diet changes really helped with the symptoms of PTSD. Sometimes thyroid issues can also present as sensitivity to sound and bright lights.

[@CMl8r]

Good video and good comment Julio. As far as I know I am just an anxious guy with some attention deficit disorder, but watching this makes me wonder if maybe the spectrum is involved. At 42 I am recreating my career (again) and it does seem like the outside world sucks. I do have my wife, kids and cat though and so far so good.

[@EphemeralProductions]

I turn 50 today. And I can relate to EVERY thing you said. I haven’t given up on social, I don’t think I could ever do that, but I’m also not happy, not fully.

[@solasolar1]

I'm at the school part and I'm so frustrated to see those children in an environment that's exactly the opposite of what they need. It's too loud, too fast, too much. My daughter would be having meltdowns so badly at this school and wouldn't function at all once home after being subjected to this. It's absolutely terrible.

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

Autism has been around for centuries, but children with traits of the condition were called all sorts of different things in former times, where religion has had an impact - the jury is still out as to whether or not childhood vaccines since the 1960’s cause autism and other conditions seen in our modern times - I grew up in an Irish Catholic background, went to school with priests and nuns and I’ve only come to realise in later life that my autism was seen by the nuns as being the consequences of lack of suffient and frequent enough childhood corporal punishment in order to “beat the devil out of me” where my autism was regarded as a punishment from God - if I was bullied in school, it was simply regarded that I “brought it all on myself” and the only remedy was that I needed to be punished (corporal punishment) for being bullied, as part of God’s Punishment, on top of ultra strict, Millitary style discipline, in order to make me see that I was the only one that was deemed automatically wrong by default in all situations regardless of the issue, as part of God’s Punishment

[@Kruemelelarab]

​@@michaeljohndennis2231I'm so sorry you had to go through this.. religion can be a truly horrifying "reason" for people to be cruel. I hope you're okay 🥺

[@schloany4479]

@@michaeljohndennis2231 Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that you are born with. You cannot develop autism. You cannot get it from any chemicals, especially not those in vaccines.

[@Catlily5]

​@@michaeljohndennis2231 There is overwhelming evidence that vaccines DO NOT cause autism. The doctor who claimed that they did in his study was lying for financial gain. He was stripped of his MD for falsifying data. Many studies have been done since then on vaccines and autism. They all came back negative.

[@Catlily5]

​@@michaeljohndennis2231 I am sorry that you had to go through that. Many studies have been done on vaccines. No link to autism.

[@BirdGang6]

“I’m talking to you but I’m actually thinking about ME163’s” I respect that

[@turtleanton6539]

Agreed 😊

[@olliestudio45]

Indeed. Though they were not the only rocket aircraft, there was also the Ohka aka 'cherry blossom' kamikaze

[@bungee7503]

@@olliestudio45wasn’t that a ramjet?

[@user-bt2su4ob7s]

based

[@olliestudio45]

According to the National Air and Space Museum: Ohka 11s = rocket-powered, Ohka 22 = motor-jet @@bungee7503

[@ericjohnbautista8275]

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers. I really trying to watch documentaries to learn the perspective of a person who has this condition. I don’t want to change him and blend him with neurotypical kids because I know he is unique and I love him the way he is. Hopefully I can help him to live a life the way he wants it to be.

[@BombDame]

Life is easier if you can blend in when you need to

[@rustyshakleford1445]

You are a good dad! Just follow your intuition and never be hesitant to ask for help. you may find that you have some traits yourself.

[@grima0482]

​@@BombDameIntegration might seem easier but it actually isn't for the concerned individual and it isn't healthy either. Going with the flow, i.e. trying to blend in requires constant masking for an autistic person, a task which is very costly for someone on the spectrum. This will inevitably lead to mental breakdowns, burn out and other health issues in the long run. Masking doesn't come for free, it is a very energy intensive task which puts you into disadvantage from the start when compared to neurotypicals who don't have to mask. The key difference here is that autists have to consciously emulate the behaviour of neurotypicals, while the latter (obviously) do it intuitively. In the end, neurotypicals will still have fuel left in their tank by the end of the day, while an autistic person forced to blend in/mask might already be running on fumes by noon and won't be of much help for the rest of the day.

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

My friend tells me he has Autism. He's high functioning and has recently come across this realisation as an explanation as to why he's different. I'm watching this to understand him better. This is so informative. Thankyou so much.

[@Dream7773]

You are a good friend ❤

[@ilovecannabisalot7324]

I think my friend was telling me the same 18 years ago... u are a better friend than i was..

[@spsmith1965]

I have Asperger's, but I became more and more normal as I got older. I used to live in my own world in my head. I am obsessed with science and nature. I never felt like I fit in with my classmates. I never received any drugs or therapy, but I was very smart, so was able to learn over time how to act normal. I learned to quiet my inner world and pay attention to the outer world. I use humor to fake being normal. People I work with actually think I am extroverted, which I find quite amusing. When I go hiking out in the woods by myself, I get a feeling of overwhelming contentment. I am always slightly tense around people, but I have always been determined to fit in, get married, have kids, become a leader, become successful. I have done all those things. But I miss living in my own world. I would never want to be normal. Vive la différence.

[@ithacacomments4811]

My daughter is an Aspiie. Self diagnosed at age 45. She was able to work from home mostly during the pandemic. She found solitude to be so much more productive. Once staff were asked to return to the office, her boss gave her permission to make her own schedule as to how much time she spends in the office. Fantastic!

[@harlowblackadder356]

I am so happy for your daughter!

[@oliewray8357]

Self diagnosed 😂😂😂

[@Lisa-td5qd]

I'm autistic and I'm just the same :)

[@greatmatth3093]

Me too! Working from home really saved me. It's very alarming to know how many "adult" feel the need to harrass and bully co-workers for just keeping to themselves and doing their jobs.

[@buddymckay3486]

So not diagnosed then. You cannot diagnose yourself. That's not how diagnoses work.

[@Alaska_Gal]

My son is 24 & was dxd w/ Aspergers when he was 7. He was bullied growing up, but now has many friends & works w/ dinosaur fossils. He has loved 🦕🦖 since he was 5 & was selected for this 3 year internship by his college because of his grades. Very proud of him!

[@mz2535]

Hi, don't misunderstand my question but what are you exactly proud of in your Asperger's son? I have it too but never experienced this pride from my parents despite achieving a lot in my life including a degree from one of the best unis in the world.

[@manchagojohnsonmanchago6367]

Nice, dinosaurs are great

[@allesistaussternenstaub]

​@@mz2535You can be very proud of yourself❣️

[@Catlily5]

​@@mz2535 Sorry that your parents weren't proud of you. That must be very hurtful.

[@LexV-xi5lj]

"For all the contradictions, all the heartache of this condition, what I've seen in America has made it very clear to me that we need to understand autistic people better, not try to change who they are." I'm an autistic woman in America and I completely agree. I relate so much to this documentary and I hope our world changes to accommodate us - not change us to fit a world that is unjust, hierarchal, and rigid in upholding its social norms.

[@blondequijote]

The neurotypicals are alway gonna be keeping us down. Even if the world was 50/50 allistic and autistic. they form social connections like our brain forms every other kind of connection. They naturally get on the same page. Even when autists understand one another that doesn’t lead to that kind of coordination and working together.

[@SpiKSpaN-ei6zq]

It's not looking good

[@Schmeckleberry]

I feel for you but it’s easier to fix ur perspective than fix the world around you… open to solutions however..

[@krmccarrell]

I don't know if you have been lucky enough to find a partner or not, but I find it agonizing that so many normie women can love an Aspie man, affectionately as their Alien, but I haven't found or seen a normie man who is happy to take on an Aspie woman. Have you? I would love your thoughts.

[@SpiKSpaN-ei6zq]

@@krmccarrell most autistic women tend to be lesbians or asexual, so that's one of the main issues you will face getting one. Autistic guys on the other hand are much more likely to be heterosexual, but tend to be super awkward, timid, and loner-ish as fuk. We are meant to be single for life.

[@leomalaka2052]

I am a high functioning autistic woman, I have always been struggling since I can remember, been made fun of and laughed at by my own siblings for the way I stemmed and for being different. I always wondered why I am so uncomfortable and different than others. I wondered if everyone else is also is like me and thinks and feels the way I do. I was also obsessed with tadpoles and animals in general. I am currently raising a baby parrot and I love the experience. I have a better connection with animals, specially Birds than people. I had no idea that I was autistic. I got married and have been struggling. Marriage wasn’t for me but my marriage was arranged and I was kinda forced and my husband wouldn’t let me to get divorce. It’s beyond toxic now. I have two kids and my little one was diagnosed with autism in 2020 and it was then when I realised that I was autistic and didn’t know and never had any support from family but I was bullied and pressured. My little one has similar traits that I had as a kid. I hope he never experiences my problems but I know it is not easy.

[@someone2021]

It is bad enough being autistic, it is far worse when your family doesn't understand what it is. I have always felt a connection with animals but not people, for the very simple reason that animals do not judge. People are cruel, ignorant and hypocritical and I do not mention my diagnosis to anyone because it is none of their business. I have not been to a family gathering for four years and do not plan to go to any every again. If they refuse to understand my condition and support me, why should I bother? Get some advice from legal aid as to what your options are, to remove yourself from the toxic situation you are in.

[@leomalaka2052]

@@someone2021 I wish I could. Unfortunately, due to my condition, I am unable to work, I tried so many times but people would notice my differences and I really struggle to fit in. Any job I tried so far, was nothing but a nightmare and I would just leave without a prior notice. People either think I’m arrogant or suspicious person. Last job I had, was at a place that apparently did some dodgy work other than the actual job they had, but I had no idea, so, I’ve heard from someone, that they thought I was a undercover agent or an spy, just because I was quite and not vibing with them. I felt threatened and scared so I left. I feel like an alien everywhere I go. I won’t be able to support my children if I get divorced and I don’t want my kids suffer as a result of that. My husband wouldn’t support me if I get divorce, he keeps saying that I am nothing without him and that I can’t work Because I am crazy and antisocial. He doesn’t understand. About my siblings, I cut contact with them a long time ago and I told them that I’ve had enough, I can’t focus on a thousand abusive people. I want to focus on my kids that need my love and attention. I love them all but I had to let them go. I miss them but I suffered enough and I feel that I need to save whatever is left of me for my kids that have no one else but me. Hope I can survive 15 more years from now, so I can raise my kids and get some reassurance before I leave this earth. Love and peace to all❤️‍🩹🌹

[@babycakes8434]

Hopefully you can get divorced soon. There is a great sense of freedom in it, autistic or not.

[@obancameron]

You deserve to be treated good in life no matter how you function. Please just leave your toxic relationship and seek help. There is help out there for this stuff. Come to Canada if you have to. Your children will be helped as well. I don't know you but you have my sympathy.

[@leomalaka2052]

@@obancameron I appreciate it so much. You have no idea how bad I needed to hear this today. God bless you. ❤️‍🩹🌹

[@MissClemintine]

I am a nurse with Asperger’s. I’m okay at my job but it’s exhausting because it’s so uncomfortable for me. I’m thinking of going into chart auditing after 7 years at the bedside. I think I’m pretty annoying to my coworkers because I don’t interact with most of them because there’s too many people in our department. I just talk to the people who are friendly to me and ignore everyone else. A lot of coworkers don’t like me but I don’t care. I can act “normal enough “ for patients but again it’s extremely exhausting always playing a role of what I think a nurse is supposed to say and do. I do feel empathy for people but that is a learned skill. I used to only have empathy for animals but with more life experience I know what others are going through. It can be so tough and exhausting, I wish I could find somewhere I would fit in because I don’t want to quit working.

[@rachelo8294]

This is my exact experience but it’s so frustrating. Why am I expected to talk to EVERYONE?? It’s literally impossible!

[@joannarigby1989]

Im an autistic nurse too!!! I really felt your comment. I have been working in Day surgery for the past 10 years, mostly pre-assessing patients, and the full on bedside ward nursing was exhausting. I have never quite felt like I’ve fitted in with my colleagues. It’s nice now I have my own office and caseload. Don’t feel quite so isolated!

[@HiAdrian]

I recently met an autistic nurse (in a non-work context) and was quite surprised someone on the spectrum would/could work in such a demanding environment. All the best to you three!

[@katella]

Have you considered working with the elderly? I've found the calm, slow, tender aspects of working one to one with elderly people a good thing for me. They

[@SL-es5kb]

I wanted to be a nurse and was thinking of switching majors but I registered in one class in the nursing faculty and I could tell right away I would never fit in. Everyone was so chatty and social in the class compared to my other classes and I felt even more out of place. Ended up becoming a lawyer and the social networking part is probably more important for career success but I have been able to carve out a living that accommodates. if I had known in university that my social difference was hard wired I probably would have made different choices. At that point I still thought I would develop past things with experience but experience only made that difference more and more obvious.

[@user-yy1xx5vn7z]

I was diagnosed with severe ADHD at 62 and it explained every crazy, dangerous situation I've ever gotten in. Every broken bone, failed relationship, the punk rock scene and extreme sports and why I've been a loner my entire life. I feel more lost now than I ever have.

[@deliobaoduzzi6450]

Just a reminder 35 % to 70% of autistics have adhd .

[@photovincent]

“it’s easier to change the individual than to change society” - bang, nail on the head. The majority doesn’t want to adapt, so the outliers must. Great doc

[@karen4you]

At the end meeting his daughter and learning what a good Father he was and her with some similar interests just made me smile inside.

[@EmmA-ln9he]

Living in the middle of woods with my two dogs and two cats and I get what you feel. I love my bubble, I feel safe here. My autism was not diagnosed as a child and caused my parents to reject me and made me their scapegoat. Add to that a severe trauma when I was 4 and a totally inadequate reaction from them. I was diagnosed a few months ago with complex ptsd and dissociation disorder on top of autism. It's really hard to deal with social interactions, especially when I'm emotionally drained. Because of that, I can't stand intrusions in my bubble, even when they come from a good intention. For example, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine came for coffee with her boyfriend, which was planned. They saw I was building a small shed for a compost toilet, so they decided to stay for the entire morning to help me get it done faster. From the moment they said that, I dissociated, was in panic mode in my head, it all happened so fast. So now I have a shed but it's not the way I wanted it and it's not exactly where I wanted it but I keep it to myself because I knew it came from a good intention. What puzzles me is that that friend has an autistic son herself, but he's just 5 so I'm guessing she doesn't have the perspective to understand how them imposing their help on me was an intrusion. I feel awful just writing it but it is how I feel.

[@dac545j]

It's good to share such feelings. I once wrote something in the sand at the seaside and the waves washed it away. Try as I might, I canNOT remember what it was.

[@mammadingo9165]

Thankyou so much for writing this . I get told I'm ungrateful and need to learn to accept people's help !! I don't want the help I am appreciative I do want occasional company but not imposed and not with expectations

[@TheYuvimon]

It is such a horrible feeling to have somebody try to be good to you with nothing but the best intentions but in the end, if you're really honest with yourself, it's something you just didn't want and have no use for or worse it's actually something you didn't wanna do, but you somehow feel obliged on account of the effort they put in.

[@curtispaul9717]

When I was diagnosed with autism, I realized it's always better to know then to not know. Thank you for sharing your experience. Regarding folks imposing their help, part of our job as autistic people is to learn how to interact with NT folks in a productive and helpful way. Learning how to communicate unoffensively and without anger/frustration to take control and explain plans and intentions in such cases as your shed example is a skill we need to deliberately develop, it's not necessarily intuitive for us, especially when our parents were poor examples to follow. Good example by the way, this is a great example of how autistic folks sometimes struggle with understanding how to proceed with NT folks.....and other autistic people...for that matter. Autism, from what I understand, tends to be genetic. My parents, from my new perspective, clearly show signs of autism traits. This knowledge has helped me understand why my parents were they way they were while growing up, it helped me overcome some of my personal issues with them. Compassion for ones self and for others is important for autistic folks to feel and express on their path in life and new knowledge helps autistic folks make those sorts of realizations.

[@Upstream5402]

That was an intrusion. They should have asked if you wanted help. If they had asked, then you had every right to answer, "No thanks, I want to do it myself". Many years ago, I worked in close quarters with a group of six. My desk was very messy, but I actually knew approximately where everything was. Despite what appeared to be chaos, I was a very efficient employee with consistently high performance reviews. One day, I came in to find my co-workers had invaded my territory and organized everything on my desk for me! I was shocked. Sure, it looked nice, but inside I was ticked. They were beaming with pride at their big surprise, so I thanked them and let it go, but I was quite disappointed. I actually struggled finding things and was much happier when the mess crept back.

[@RyanAustinDean]

I have been hiding my (fairly mild) symptoms my entire life. Only my wife and a close friend know about my diagnosis. I greatly appreciate this video for educating so many.

[@petergriffin680]

It’s nothing to be ashamed of

[@RM-jc1gr]

I shed a tear while hearing you speak of your kestrel. I immediately started searching for the right words and I think I've found them: What you experienced was the unadulterated purest form of intimacy. A haven where peace, rest and joy can be accessed. It is nestled in those quieted places of observation and gentle interaction. A place where admittance is granted by the senses. We would all fair better if we would stop to smell the roses. I think that your story is lovely and that we should be wise in what we value, if it is peace that we are truly after.

[@rozaucja8612]

As a neurotypical person, I consider people with Aspergers more normal than so called normal people. Please be as you are and don't let anybody change you.

[@AdelineCowgirl]

❤❤❤

[@Teasy_32]

I highly appreciate reading your words. Thank you.

[@shannonn9723]

Yes!!!❤❤❤

[@Sevenarrowsstrong]

I don't agree with this schools philosophy. Our son was diagnosed at age 10 and we could NOT find resources in our area for his age. The waiting list for diagnosis averages 18 months. We were financially able to pay for a private diagnosis. We were told to put him under intense therapy and for him to talk with a psychiatrist. We knew what was best for our son. We focus on his strengths and what he is good at. I'm not going to try to change him to fit in with this messed up world. I'm going to help him shine his light and bring joy to those he's around.

[@_NekOz]

I live in Norway and I don't even think therapy is something that is even suggested here because subjecting a child already prone to masking to upto 40 hour weeks of what amounts to conversion therapy but for autism is abuse. Straight up abuse. My parents were told to put me into special ed. They did not do that. I went through normal school and I ended up mostly fine. If they had put me through special ed, I would not have had to opportunities that I got.

[@oakenadams3844]

Thank you, your a good parent

[@BT-dl8kq]

Therapy doesn't have to change him, yet help him blend in better. If not he will get bullied and then his self esteem will suffer.

[@Anotherhumanbean12345]

​@@BT-dl8kq Therapy would also cause his self esteem to suffer because anyone who has to go to therapy is broken, reaffirmation of your faults doesn't lead to suddenly accepting them. especially if those doing the reaffirmation have no idea what they're talking about. you, a dog. are judging a bird, on it's ability to smell. stop forcing your views on others and start accepting others for who they are, and what they can offer. embrace our differences. you have your uses in the world, like cattle does. and we do too, just like ranchers.

[@AnnaBananaRepublic]

“I’m not weird, I’m normal. Everyone ELSE is weird” was my catchphrase all my life. I thought I did it as a joke, but…

[@Catlily5]

Normal is overrated. Better weird than boring.

[@laraoneal7284]

This man here has a beautiful purity and authenticity about him which I love and respect so much. He’s childlike (not childish but child like) big difference.

[@nativeamericanfeather9948]

He's so genuine & has so much depth.More people need to be in touch with nature,connection,& simplicity❤I'm a severe introvert & enjoy being alone. I was neglected & abused as a child. I was left alone alot & we lived in the country.My life was SO different then others.So I secluded myself even more..because I didnt belong. I'd spend time out at the crick in our back yard,ride my horse,hang out with my dogs,explore & make trails. As an adult & choosing to be single for the last 6 years,people don't understand why I'm ok with being alone. I rather live a life in peace♡ I have my family & God..that's all I need in my Life❤ I do have a best friend. I don't see her much because I am an introvert. She has autism. She's absolutely brilliant,kind,loving,& a great human. I wish this man many Blessings& a Blessed journey! He's not the abnormal one..he's closer to being a true human than most. We're all different ♡

[@CRegister-wt8vz]

Absolutely. As an introvert myself I love your comment. I don't want to fit in to what society calls normal. It's actually boring.

[@sherryseeton6749]

So many things in common with your story, Chris! I only got officially diagnosed with ADHD + anxiety earlier this year, but by then I was pretty sure that I had it. Since the diagnosis I've done a lot of reading and watching videos about neurodivergence, which makes me suspect there may be other things at work in my brain as well. The doctor who did my assessment offered me drugs, but I declined because like you, I don't want to be "fixed". Like you, I appreciate my differences because they allow me to experience my life on a whole other level than neurotypicals. The problem, for me, is how other people react to my differences. And I agree that what we 'need' to function more easily in the world is acceptance. I spent most of my life coping with others' negativity toward me, and failing to understand WHY they reacted to me that way. The exception has always been animals and small children, because they are not hampered by societal standards of how people 'should' be. They take me as I am toward them: kind, interested and engaged. Your documentary is so validating and reassuring. I thank you for generously sharing your story and perspective. ❤ BTW, I would be overjoyed to encounter someone like you at a party. If I ever went to parties.😏

[@katella]

I completely agree with everything you said. ❤️

[@rosedudesert4389]

​@@katella me too

[@oliewray8357]

Sounds like classic victim mentality you say people react negatively towards you and you think everyone needs to except 😂😂wake up buddy

[@sherryseeton6749]

@@oliewray8357 Gosh, how lucky am I to have your brilliant analysis and advice on how to improve my life!? Thanks ever so much. 🥱

[@cazzawazzadingdong5139]

@@oliewray8357 Perhaps you need to work on yourself buddy! And drop the appeal to ridicule fallacy it's not attractive!

[@sksk-bd7yv]

Living with autism and adhd, undiagnosed and unsupported, created ptsd. Yet I would never trade it away. Society must be cured, not my brain.

[@ElanTee]

I feel a deep melancholy for Chris. He is an extremely brave man.

[@drthomason7043]

Chris you are an amazing presenter. Sometimes I could tell your fellow presenter were a bit put off by your brilliance, I guess editing helped to eliminate any grimaces or incidents. Credit to all those you worked with and made the programmes so powerful and informative. You say vision is your dominant trait but you also hear, smell, taste and yes even use your feeling sense and this makes you able to relate to animals so well. You have the power to love too but you are exclusive about that. Go to the 🎓 graduation. You won't be left in a corner. I no longer live in the UK or have TV but thanks for contributing many hours of entertainment and learning to the time I spent living in and caring for the elderly and housebound. Go well, be safe and happy. You're a brave one You are right, we need to adapt to autistic ways, just like we do to the blind and deaf. You are helping use to understand the whys and ways of autism. Thanks

[@DeedraS.]

I'm Asperger too, now 43. I had a diagnosis when I was 38 sice that I try to create a life more similar to who I really am. Before the diagnosis I try hard to be socially and it doesn't work so well. Nowadays I feel more confident to live in a little town near the nature, I enjoy to walk outside with my dog, I start to paint in COVID and I never stopped.

[@nnayram64]

Glad he persevered and is still here with us in this world which needs him and all his amazing abilities 😊❤️. It’s all being the same which is detrimental to society. We seem lost in our distractions. His focus is inspiring.

[@courtneybandsons2360]

💯❤️

[@Teasy_32]

Like your comment a lot.

[@chemtrol314]

The part where his sister said "you don't really understand the subtlties of people, but you can manipulate them. And he said "because i dont really care about them" really hit home

[@Catlily5]

I don't relate. I have autism and I care too much.

[@jumpingman6612]

​@Lilycat5 it's a spectrum

[@Catlily5]

@@jumpingman6612 It is a spectrum. That's why I commented. So people don't think that all autistic people don't care.

[@deliobaoduzzi6450]

​​@@Catlily5your testimony is very important too because we're more used of seeing and recognizing certain types of autism but in reality there are many . I give you a personal example , before knowing autism i would say " i can't stand aspergers " now that i know autism i say " i can't connect with a certain type of aspergers eventhough i appreciate some of their characteristics ". Still i don't like their company and i have the right to feel so . It's important to recognize that aspergers like neurotypicals have beside autism , their personalities and related mental disorders , different levels of iq , different family educations , hobbies etc , not to mention the great difference between male and female autistics .do you agree ?

[@kerstinklenovsky239]

I officially have Aspergers. I have chosen to celebrate it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have never cared what other people think of me. God bless you. You are amazing.

[@reginafisher9919]

I've never been diagnosed with anything but had trouble all my life this world is insane and I hate it here

[@FL-yv2uj]

I am high functioning Autistic and do NOT want to get rid of my Autism. It would make me into someone else and I love who I am.

[@lisae6725]

I loved this video. My grandson who is 6 was diagnosed with Autism level 2 at the age of 3. He had ABA Therapy for about 1 1/2 years and it helped catch him up with his speech and some of his behavioral issues. He's now in Kindergarden and I'm told that he is very highly intelligent which doesn't surprise me at all. He is so sweet and loving. He always wants me to rub his back and rub his hair which I always loved as well. He will out of the blue tell me "Grandma, I just love you so much" and I really hope that he doesn't have to feel like he doesn't fit in. I know he can't handle large crowds and other chaotic situations which I don't especially enjoy either. I've sometimes wondered if perhaps his father and I might have some issues. I have struggled with my mental health and if I could have my way, I would probably never leave my home unless I'm going to be with my kids and other family members. I think we have a long ways to go here in the US to be more accomodating to others and should have to learn some key issues like Sign Language and how to help the blind as well. There's no reason it should all be on the person with a neuro atypical issues to have to change to accomodate everyone else. We need to recognize people for where they are at and have some basic skills so that we can communicate effectively with everyone.

[@Lubomishka92]

I‘ve got to say that I have an enormous respect for this guy, I‘m happiest walking in the fields and woods with my dog, but eating tadpoles isn’t on my list of things to try. Life is very interesting from your point of view, each to there own❤

[@harlowblackadder356]

I've been studying humans and trying to act "normal" my entire life. I've done well enough to somehow find myself in media. It continues to be the hardest thing I do. A lifetime of self-imposed exposure therapy helped my sensory overload. I've lost many relationships due to my inability to understand people, but I've never been lonely. I thrived during lockdown.

[@pkwork]

Tough to watch, and so beautiful, too. Read 'Dibs in Search of Self' when I was in college in 1965 and came to better understand myself. At age 76, I have still not been formally diagnosed. Always I have lived in a world of my own. Art and technology have been my salvation. I so identify with Chris. Thank you. My world is a little lonelier today!

[@Catlily5]

I read that book too!

[@linda_sue]

Oh, Chris. I've found your story a year after it was released on KZbin. I'm very upset about Scratchy's condition and worried for your poor heart. When I watch one of my favorite psychic's videos, he often says they are still with us and quite cheerful. I'm so glad to 'meet' unique, wonderful you!

[@Eleanorevans9]

That part of loving more the relationship with dogs than with humans, due to the simplicity, really hits home. I could live all my life just with my dogs. Not anyone else. But it scares me that they wont be here longer... I don't know how to act with people

[@katella]

I am the same. But I just turned 70. I want to tell you that it can be done. You will have the opportunity to love and be loved by many animals in your lifetime. Your life will be just as rich as those who spend their lives relating to people, maybe even better. Find a profession, a way to financially support yourself and live your life the way you want to. Don't waste it (like I did for so many years, trying to fit in. I wish you a happy life.

[@lym3204]

You can learn.

[@glennosmond4306]

@@lym3204We learn to mask. There seems to be an upper limit of friends or coworkers that we let into our lives and it's different for everybody. For some like me, any amount of exposure to the world is absolutely exhausting.

[@lym3204]

@@glennosmond4306 My advise was to the part “I don’t know how to act with people”. At her age I would hate to see her give up and lead a life of seclusion. It is ok if you tried and failed to find peace through living alone but if you are young you should not be done trying yet.

[@glennosmond4306]

@@lym3204True! You do build up strengths by just trying and the earlier in life the better. When I left a city halfway through my life, I found that things like resilience and tolerance in social situations were like muscles, best used and trained. But I was sooo worn down, I moved directly to a solar powered cabin in the woods at 33yrs. I knew I hit a limit but I had a long list of accomplishment, that's not uncommon amongst us but I would never have gained so much if life was quieter earlier. Aspies often recall every stupid thing we've done and said, so you get a long list of that too but we all need to be challenged to grow, I had grown a mask that no longer covered my sensitivities. Take care...

[@cynicalmushroom]

I haven't been diagnosed but it's clear. People noticed it and brought it to my attention. It makes a ton of sense as to why I am different, but it hasn't been easy. As a kid I could handle it better but it's gotten worse as an adult. After masking for years I had a mental breakdown and 6 years later I'm still dealing with the complete burnout. I don't like being around people, I find them unpredictable so I spend time with animals and nature.

[@loro5ka]

Oh the pain of losing what we love most. I learned I was autistic at 55 after a horrible loss. My son, who lived the life I wish I’d been strong enough to live, died in 2016. I didn’t think I’d survive losing him. Learning I am autistic felt like a gift amidst all the pain

[@catzback7]

You were given a gift, and I'm sorry life has done that to you. I lost a son too.. he was dyslexic only we didn't know it. Like you I didn't find out my learning difference labeled as dyslexic until after my son was diagnosed. He gave up this bullying world at 34. I'm out to free all the neurodiverse because it is a gift worth bullying over. We handle them differently now don't we? A parent should never have to bury their child my heart breaks for you. ❤️‍🩹

[@janwarriner6554]

I am thrilled you made this video to open us to your “world”. I am an autism advocate. My best girlfriend’s son was born and was diagnosed with severe autism. Today he is mainstreamed in school, loves all kinds of music, and I love seeing him develop as an individual. That was the beginning of my advocacy. My girlfriend sped up my knowledge because she learned as much as she could so she could help AND understand her son to the fullest. And she took me on that journey. Autistic people can do some amazing things that many of us can’t. Thank you for sharing your life with us. ❤️👏👏

[@louiseclark7967]

At the age of 62, I have met the love of my life, who also has a high functioning Autism. He is very intelligent, affectionate and loving, creative, successful, funny and kind...He thanked me once for seeing him in a way he can't see himself. But I am an Aquarian, very intelligent and creative also, and felt different all of my life because of my 'weirdness' and quirky personality. My man appreciates all of my oddities the way I appreciate his, as a part of the man I love. It's ok to be who you are, and embrace your uniqueness and differences from others. It makes you so special in this world! ❤

[@NicciAW]

It’s my story too. Only very new realisation. My sister was recently diagnosed with ADHD, then I had the realisation- again, that my youngest child is autistic- then again, again, I realise it’s me, too. That learning and masking. Wow, if I could I live on my own in the middle of the woods. Not in my own, I shave a partner, but he’s leant to ask me if I’m going to cope with certain things. I panicked for about 10 minutes with some stuff and remind him that I’ll have a complete different feets out whatever it was 10 minutes later. I get the birdsong- I pick the sounds out to my partner. So many things. My dad had manic depression/bipolar 1, and he tried to kill my sister and I at one point. So when I was 13, I refused to go in to school. Was forced to see a psychiatrist and diagnosed with depression. I ended up on heavy antidepressants- and finally ( I think ) my attention was heavy from the parents because of this. Weird memories, too. Like I’m rubbish at maths, but dates and numbers, I never forget. I remember people’s birthdays from school, but leant to not say that I remember, because people it’s weird. Then colour order. I only have four fours, black navy, red and a small bit of white. Edit again - I am very antisocial- I had two friends and really found it odd that I do t have a friendship group. I had a best friend from the age of five, she died in 2021, 10 days before her 50th birthday. My other friend lives in NZ.. I’m UK. My obsession was Peregrine Falcons.

[@LCbr1j]

Really sweet & thought provoking. Many people who loved their pets cry and feel sad so that’s relatable. I believe the intensity of your loves & passions are more deep & real than the average person.

[@auntihooha]

I think that artists share social anxiety and that suffering brings out amazing art. The suicide photographs are beautiful. Tragic and beautiful.

[@queAnys]

wow, the way he talks about that bird, my heart melted

[@sgashner397]

I think that there’s no such thing as “normal”. Everyone has unique skills and differences, and we all need to just be accepting of others. 🤗🥰

[@blondequijote]

We live in a society and what we accept about others is constantly being negotiated

[@nonegone7170]

There's definitely 'the norm', a.k.a. that which is considered normal.

[@zekec6088]

wow, thanks, I'm cured!

[@Catlily5]

Yeah, but some are more normal than others.

[@frajecz]

There is, no need to sugarcoat it - "normal" does not necessarily need to mean "healthy", but also "the norm", what is usual, what is expected. Autists are outside the norm, so society isn't well equipped for interaction with autists.

[@lauraw.7008]

26:17 my heart goes out to him about the kestrel, and the recognition of the impermanence of life. 28:51 it isn’t going to stamp out the behavior. MAYBE it gives them coping skills. 31:11 ouch 53:46 his relationship with Meg is beautiful.

[@vocaldeviation]

I'll be 35 soon, and it's only been the last couple of years I've started to realize I'm likely high-functioning Asperger's. I certainly wish I had the understanding and support of family and friends growing up; probably would have made the social confusion a lot more bearable. It's been humbling to start doubling back on my pre-conceived notions of autism and other disabilities over the years. Turns out my mind is a racing mess and it's taken a lot of psychedelics and inner reflection to get to this point of understanding and acceptance (for me, anyway). Still a daily struggle, but my patience with social interactions that seem to trigger anxiety and overwhelming frustration are slowly getting easier every year.

[@amanda8399]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your life with the world. My son is 18 and diagnosed with high functioning autism -Asperger’s. It helps me to learn to try to see the world through the autism lens, so I thank you. ❤

[@dac545j]

I think this is a BBC TV programme, which OMG has kindly made available here.

[@UltraK420]

I feel exactly like Chris. I've had so much trouble for my entire life socializing with people, I tend to avoid most people including my own family because I also have quite a severe case of pathological demand avoidance. I don't like being bothered by others to help solve their problems because I always try to solve my own problems if I can, but often times I'm too passive and afraid to reject someone's request out of fear of being labeled as a shitty person. It also depends on the person and the context of the situation. All I really want in life is to simply have permanent solitude, no more anxiety from problems caused or exacerbated by other humans. Sometimes it feels like the world drives me insane when I start having entire conversations with myself about the current state of society and how so many of these neurotypicals just cannot understand how their actions affect people like me.

[@CRegister-wt8vz]

The same goes for being an introvert. I've made people uncomfortable with my silence. Long, drawn out conversations cause chaos in my brain. I can do ok in public when it's called for. But eventually I need peace and silence. I also don't care if it makes others uneasy. It's their issue, not mine. I will not become someone I'm not. I have my books, music, and my beautiful cat. I'm very content.

[@MsMesem]

...and what happens if and when you are physically unable to solve your own problems? Many humans are simply physically unable to live in solitude. If you are always focused on your own needs you are set up for a big fall.

[@UltraK420]

I'm not like most other humans. I don't need constant attention nor do I want it. By the time I'm an old man we will have quite advanced robotics and AGI or ASI (artificial general intelligence or super intelligence) to interact with. I interact with people when it's necessary or when I feel like it but not at any other time, I have things to do.@@MsMesem

[@isimonsez]

I wonder how many people on the spectrum who say they prefer to be in solitude, it’s not so much they want to be alone but instead have no choice after years of rejection from social circles. An ex friend of mine who I suspected to be on the spectrum had no luck with meeting potential partners and for a couple who said yes to a first meet up, often never called back and after years of this type of rejection, he just came to say “I don’t want a relationship”. It wasnt really a choice

[@MsLisa551]

I like your story... I have one too. I fell in love with a man who wasn't diagnosed,, but I know he is on the spectrum. We have discussed it,, however he disagrees. He is 47 moved to Alaska to live in solitude , his name is Chris also lol. He is also a mechanical engineer. I'm a adhd girl and know my disabilities,, and makes it easy to understand Chris. His mind is most fascinating to me. I want him in my life and it's so difficult he can't do "the relationship thing" we have tried. He struggles. One day he flew home to the northeast for dinner to have with me, 4600 miles to see me for only dinner then flew back home. He wanted to do something outrageous to show his care. It was the sweethest gesture I have ever been given. I love him and I'm sad we can't make this work. I'm happy you found a lovely lady.

[@KiAirah87]

"I was absolutely enchanted by EVERY living thing."

[@NeurodiverJENNt]

I have the exact same obsession over obtaining a cockatiel when I was in middle school. I actually shared a video on my channel about my childhood where I talk about this and much like what you are saying here, when I would get home from school it was just me and Sunny. He was my best friend. I spent all my time with him... Drew pictures of him, tried to teach him how to talk, he was my whole world. Prior to getting one, it was all I dreamed and talked about on an obsessive level. I read books, I would want to go to the pet stores to stare at them. At the time they cost about $100 which is like a full mortgage for a tween... But I was determined to get one somehow. I eventually got one given to me which was a good thing because I grew up poor and my parents would never have been able to afford it. I related to that bird better than any other human.

[@RobsFavInfoAndMusic]

Never thought of it as cascades of thought but that is such an accurate way to describe it, especially when I'm deeply immersed in its grasp. It happens in regular waking consciousness just less intense in its ability to hold me.

[@indigocomca]

My grand son has Asperger. It's heart breaking at times for him and us. He is such a beautiful person and I'm terribly proud of him. He's extremely smart but socially a mess. Computers are his thing and hopefully will lead to something.

[@claudiapeperkamp147]

Me and my son are autistic. My son was diagnosed at 7 years old, and goes to special schools. He also had adhd, tourettes, and a low iq. My diagnose did i get at 38 years at my birthday. I always felt different , was not like my sisters, and had seen a lot of docters. As a kid i wasnt a girls-girl, i was more interested in sience, history, and medical things. I was normally with functioning, was was very clumbsy, not social, and had a few friemds. My daughter is like me, but does not have tests yet for it, she is alsof not social, smells and hears everything, and very by her self. Its nice to see a documentaion about autism, cause there is not muche knowledge about it. In my country they often say that everybody is autstic at some way, but it can be very hard to fit in avery day, to look and act " normal", espacially when its not by nature in my brains, to be like neurotipical persons. Thank you for this documentatie.

[@joybringer7500]

Thank you so much Chris for this video; I am in my early fifties, have Asperger's and ADHD, and live in Montreal, Quebec. I was diagnosed at age 35. I really appreciate your perspective and insight into what it is to be a man with Asperger's. I still call what I have Asperger's, even though people have told me it's now called Autism Spectrum disorder.

[@pamelaroyce5285]

We have a right to identify our own tribe our own way. Aspies are different from non-verbal withdrawn people on the spectrum. I live in California, ground zero for Newspeak, and I resent being told that I shouldn’t use the name Asperger. 🙄 The same speech police will say we have the right to call ourselves what we want. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Courage, my fellow Aspie!

[@joybringer7500]

@@pamelaroyce5285 , Thanks Pamela, I agree with you completely. I hope more people will come to realize that who we are as Aspies is how we’re meant to be, that we are wonderful, unique and valuable as we are, and that we don’t need to be cured because autism isn’t an illness.

[@babycakes8434]

I think that Aspergers and Autism should be separate, because there are differences. But I heard from the therapist that in recent years they put Aspergers under the Autism umbrella, so now everyone have Autism Spectrum Disorder.

[@babycakes8434]

​@@pamelaroyce5285 Autism is called spectrum disorder, because there is a wide spectrum of symptoms from non-verbal and needing care for life, to high functioning verbal. Not all of them are non-verbal. But I agree with you that it should be kept separate.

[@joybringer7500]

@@babycakes8434, your point is very interesting. You're right, the term Asperger's seems to now be considered outdated by professionals, but I feel that the term provided a description to explain what autism looks like when certain traits are present, whereas Autism Spectrum Disorder is a very generalized term. However, I don't know exactly why they chose to replace the name Asperger's with this title. I personally refer to myself as being autistic and being an Aspie (a term referring to Asperger's).

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

I find with eye contact, it's just difficult to look at someone's eyes AND talk to them at the same time lol, most of the time - not from anxiety but just hard to do both at the same time. I forget to and have to remind myself to make that contact not because I feel the intuitive urge or concern to but rather that it's how neurotypical communication works and intuitively engages.

[@amoses585]

I have the same problem myself at times. While it's improved over the years, your comment has shown me how to better understand the NT mind.

[@sunnyday6465]

Me too!!

[@amoses585]

@sunnyday6465 Whats worked for you? How do you deal with this issue?

[@HiAdrian]

Right, it can just be seen as a massive resource drain. Do you reserve 75% of your mental capacity for _that,_ or do you actually want to leave some for thinking, talking, the works.

[@Kruemelelarab]

Do you also have an ADHD diagnosis? Because it very much sounds like it 👀

[@tonyaspain6269]

I wish there was a cure for Autism. My son is severely autistic. One day, I will die - and the thought of leaving him alone in this world absolutely terrifies me. 27:37

[@Thankfulforeverymoment]

This guy is awesome. My daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I think she has this. Kids get annoyed with her. I even noticed adults getting annoyed. I love my daughter and I think people who have disabilities are amazing people. I actually can relate to a lot of the things he experiences.

[@Witch-Crafts]

In this documentary they call it aspergers, but that is now part of what is called ASD (autism spectrum disorder iirc) So aspergers as a diagnosis does not exist anymore. Sounds like her autism/asd diagnosis is correct if you can relate a lot to this video.

[@Witch-Crafts]

*adhd

[@juliaingeorgia]

Doesn't Aspergers have as a trait high IQ? Many with Aspergers have MENSA-level intelligence. That's a significant market and one that, IMHO, shouldn't be downplayed.

[@Catlily5]

​@@juliaingeorgiaAsperger's was for anyone with an IQ over 70. So it was for anyone who didn't have an intellectual disability. An average IQ is about 100. So you could be anywhere from 30 points below average to a genius. But Asperger's is not diagnosed anymore in many countries.

[@RoxyTrevellas]

I think my daughter has Aspergers and ADHD. I find her very strange. I am also very strange, but sometimes differently strange from her. Kindergarten suggested ADHD but I've just always known there was something. From the time she cried for ten hours each and every night for the first year of her life because she had sensory overload to now age six where she sings and talks to her toothbrush and forgets what she went to the bathroom for. She really doesn't notice when she is thirsty or cold or tired or needs the bathroom. She can read and write before being in school but still can't recognize when she's hungry. She is infuriatingly slow at mundane tasks, unbelieveably creative, uncompromisingly passionate, infuriatingly self-sufficient and stubborn, self-reflected to a degree that scares me in so small a child, empathetic to an enormous degree yet often unable to understand social cues or notice her surroundings. She is an enigma and in serious danger of mobbing, of being thought stupid or lazy. I am really afraid of how her first year in school might be going. I just hope she won't struggle in life like I do. I just want to let her get really good at drawing and painting and playing the piano and ice-skating and whatever she really enjoys so she will never have to work an office job. At the moment she wants to be a lion riding instructor.

[@venicegiftshop7822]

my boyfriend for 10years was put on adoption when he was 6months old after he is 58 years old now and he meet his real mother on 2014 sadly that mom didnt told him he got the autism she told me last week only and its breaking my heart that i cant tell it to my bf since is gone now and hoping/praying we will see each other again i will love him more this time

[@shift-your-focus]

Thanks so much for this film - so eye-opening, explanatory, emotional, deep, sincere. A true help for me as a mother of an Aspie, who only just got diagnosed now at age 20, and has been misunderstood all his life. Thank you, keep inspiring others with your great work.

[@DIARRHEA-PANIC]

This is like watching my own life, it's incredibly difficult to watch...

[@KtotheC6342]

I was diagnosed in my late 30s with Asperger's, ADHD and I know that I have dyslexia and dysgraphia. I suffered through a lot of personal tragedies of which I am not really comfortable with explaining in a public setting but I will say that they were so impactful that they caused me to keep quiet about a lot of what I am. So because my personal trauma overshadowed my existence as a person with autism and ADHD my masking became all that I was. I started learning how to mask at a young age and I learned that being silent and distance and retreating internally became easier than talking about what my issues were. In fact I found it completely impossible to talk about how I felt. Even to this day I still feel it's hard to describe how I'm feeling because I know that I am a collage of feelings and I struggle with trying to determine which feeling is more important than the other so I can give the answer to the question "how are you feeling". Kind of a side note here but I always thought it was strange to ask such a question like "how are you?" Or "how have you been" if you don't really intend to want to understand how someone is or how they've been. It's the disingenuous conversation that confuses me. On one hand it would be really nice to have someone who did genuinely care and want to hear your story but if that happened then I would have to be prepared to tell them. So then I would have to assess at what point in time do I began to tell them. For instance if I don't know the person then I might want to start at what I feel is the most relevant way to begin but most people don't want to hear you say "Well it all began when I was a baby" so I learned to give the disingenuous I'm okay or I'm fine. However that takes me having to be very present at the moment in order to make that realization. Sometimes I give just a simple but relatively weird answer of "yeah" followed sometimes by an "Ok". Going back to what I wanted to talk about was somewhere about the 30-minute mark into this program the individual who who expressed it was a dream of his to cure autism I perceived as an absolutely evil person. For one he does not except people with Autism for being who they are and he doesn't want to cure autism to help people with Autism he wants to cure autism so he can be famous. It may be just my opinion but I view this man as the same as the Nazi eugenicist who wanted to have people with this condition exterminated. The term Asperger's was named after Hans Asperger who in Nazi Germany helped Nazis bring children with the autism spectrum to be euthanized. This seems oddly strange to me and I don't know if I would participate because I've grown quite accustomed to the things that help me be who I am and at this point having autism is a part of that.

[@deliobaoduzzi6450]

I don't think that the aba specialist meant that he wanted to erase autism . I think he meant that he would like to end the strong neuroticm and certain behaviours that make the lives of some autistics very difficult . If you remember , the man with aspergers himself said that in that school , children had a more severe case of autism than his .

[@1st1anarkissed]

Autism has made me homeless and I feel so frustrated because I never get a chance to show my skills and get sabotaged or ostracised for trying. The last ten years have been so bad I cant just talk with people at all anymore. I cant talk about happy things. There arent enough.

[@Pi2.718]

I just realised I’ve been autistic all of my life … loving it actually ❤

[@whitefam2000]

I was diagnosed at 40 with Bi-polar 2 with major depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I am currently 60, and have been struggling for most of the last 30 yrs to understand my oldest son, who was diagnosed as a high functioning Asperger's individual. How that happened was he got fed up with certain aspects of his life and sought therapy to understand himself and his dysconnectivity with those around him. We have slowly been comparing our lives and how we've felt, and have both been surprised at how many crossover symptoms there are between our 2 diagnosis'. Thank you so much Chris for putting yourself out there, as uncomfortable as it was, to shine a light on how people with these types of abilities(not dis) should be integrated and sought out in society for contribution. I like the way the Microsoft guy put it. About society should be adjusting to meet the demands of those who have different needs in order to help them perform at their best. Wonderful hour of information, and again I thank you. I will let my son know, after I calm down, about this story. Sincerely,-----Mike W

[@Brad2117]

The hardest part about work is the people for sure.

[@brianmeen2158]

“Trying to act normal” I did this for 39 years and I didn’t understand what was going on as I felt I had to “pretend” I was a normal person that liked going out and socializing. 90% of conversations just do not interest me - I passed this off as me just being very introverted but I knew that really didn’t fit completely. Then I learned about Asperger’s/autism .. it’s a huge shock - all of my relationships were formed around me “masking”..

[@narohato1749]

I identify with your comment so much. I'm currently looking into getting an assessment so I can get a proper diagnosis. But I feel the same way you do. Like I'm faking being normal all the time. I have a lot of trouble making and keeping friends and i've felt for most of my life that I just don't fit in anywhere. Its exhausting.

[@turtleanton6539]

It is true

[@HiAdrian]

I think this documentary was really well done. Chris brings a lot of compassion into the topic.

[@TheHumanCanary]

I had no idea I had Asperger symptoms. I was very disconnected from reality but had no idea I was disconnected. I couldn’t tell if men were hitting on me. Thought everyone had a perfect life. No idea how I functioned so highly for decades. And I didn’t understand why I thought so differently from everyone else. Also had severe mercury poisoning from my fillings. And CIRS and dementia like symptoms. Did 90 rounds of TMS. First 30 were amazing. Then it wore off. 17 different drugs - kept me alive but low quality of life. Past 18 months reversing everything. God must have been with me bc I shouldn’t be alive. I pray I can help others and create a real life for myself and support myself again. Much love to you all.

[@coolqh]

I have never felt so understood in my life before watching this. You described my whole life. Diagnosed this year at 46 years old.

[@lilyt6930]

IM SOO GREATFUL FOR THIS DOCUMENTARY

[@rachelm2041]

Thank you, Chris for sharing your story. You truly are an awesome man. Your passion for animals and nature show that you have good heart. All of us are unique individuals trying to fit in this world. What makes it difficult is that so many are quick to judge and make fun of others uniqueness. Which shows a lack of education and understanding. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you in her life. ❤

[@doricetimko5403]

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, Chris. ❤️

[@ninaoutandabout]

Thank you❤ I am so thankful to all the people and resources who went into making this documentary. I will share it for sure.

[@Savetheworldfirebidennow]

I’m 63 have lived with severe ADHD ! Can’t read a map don’t know north south from east west. dropped out in 8th grade. Got GED joined the navy. Drove a huge yard oiler and made rate I no longer care what others think of me. Jesus loves me

[@jasmineglein3721]

What a wonderful man ... ❤

[@simonanardi4312]

I think almost everything about this film is just wonderful. Thank you all so much!!!

[@cinzabeary5226]

I do not have a diagnosis for anything but my daughter does have Intellectual Disability, diagnosed when she was 18, changed from the Global Developmental Delay that's considered a childhood diagnosis. Some say they are not the same, but some traits of spectrum disorders and intellectual disabilities overlap, so it seems like someone with one diagnosis could have something else or be misdiagnosed. Anyways, I totally relate to the feeling of being different. It's not even just a feeling but a collective of evidence from observing and reflecting on interactions with other people in various situations and surrounding environments, and noticing how people react to how you react. People tend to misunderstand my personality, how I think, what I feel, my tone, and just how I deal in stressful situations. I always seem to be the target of gaslighting, making vulnerable to manipulation and having to take accountability for other people's mistakes and their feelings. It takes me a moment to absorb a change of tasks. The emotional feeling of being interrupted is overwhelming. (Putting that into words, right now, makes me feel validated, actually. Now I know how to explain that in words to my manager.) Whenever I'm around my mom, or at work, I feel like I need to act a bit more reserved, quieter, sassy. It's exhausting. All I want to do is make it through a shift without any issues. Hardly ever happens.

[@deliobaoduzzi6450]

Very interesting !

[@penneycason9269]

I’m 61yo who has been QUIRKY. Then I noticed my brothers. Remember my mother’s behaviour. Onward with each generation. When I managed to have my very young son assessed, they said, Oppositional disorder. Quite frankly my nephews, friends , friends children etc etc, get on with life. We need kooky people in our lives. Ps I so enjoyed lying under the grape vines watching and playing with hairy caterpillars.

[@debgreentree]

It’s a gift I’m a 54 year person that is autistic Not something the world needs to cure I work with younger people with autism I just use love I find this horrible

[@adelacelle]

My dad passed away at 67 ... I have many reasons to think he was autistic, but he was never diagnosed and we'll never know ...

[@goldfieldgary]

I've never been officially diagnosed as autistic, but this certainly mirrors my life. Growing up in an area where the overwhelming majority of my schoolmates belonged to a common religious sect, I thought for years the fact that our family weren't members was the reason I felt apart from everyone, but I clearly see that wasn't the overriding factor.

[@jeroenrenegadewildlife7984]

Really love this portrait it’s like I’m watching an undisturbed muddy pool. The surface reflection and seeing yourself while there is an unknown depth underneath.

[@gloriamurley385]

I loved hearing your story. Thank you.

[@thesalishsea2958]

This is a really honest and heartfelt look into your life, Chris. You are to be commended for how well you have made your life turn out despite the societal ignorance and the challenges that creates. The hardest part of watching this for me was seeing how you were bullied in school. Bullying is a huge problem, and schools do precious little about it. One of my favourite saying is that NORMAL is the setting on a dryer, not a human being.

[@maryanneselvey2682]

This video is so valuable and so needed for many!!! Thank you!!!