Explicit Hug Workers and One Bad Husband - I'm Telling Tyler

[@iamthetwowolvesinsideyou9357]

I am a retired hug worker of six years and I hate when others invade spaces they _know_ are inappropriate to advertise in. I have no issue with hug workers asserting their right to exist on social media in general but the fact is there's a time and place for our content and we should know better.

[@Call-me-Al]

Most of you do actually know much better. I find the ones who don't know better are either because of being super new to it all and never have thought anything through, or intentionally are exploiting every possibility to get sales selfishly and maliciously in a very short sighted manner.

[@mistressofstones]

Omg thank you! No problem with professional huggers, more power to them. I want to see them healthy, safe and wealthy. It's hard work and sometimes traumatic and dangerous. I've known a couple of hug workers closely so I know more than the average joe perhaps. But PLEASE professional hugging should be advertised in places specific to where people are looking for hugs already. There are kids everywhere online and women like myself who only really want to be exposed to more 'wholesome' things most of the time. I've had a difficult past, and observed other women's difficulties a lot (even specific to professional hugging) and so although I don't oppose professional hugging on principle I don't want to be in general spaces and accidentally run into commercial hugging. Thank you for understanding 😊

[@MiahGrace]

What we learned in this video: Tyler is allowed to commit arson, Cameraman is allowed to slaughter the innocent

[@greatjob_barbara]

And of course establishing boundaries around slaughter and arson

[@parrishm1350]

I'm not a Lolita (just an interested and respectful observer of the community) but my heart breaks for Cottonball. I'm also a stay at home care-giver and was a housewife before that, and my husband would never dream of talking about my interests and hobbies like that. And making them feel like its "his money", that's not how it is. When you're a stay at home parent and homemaker, you do so many different jobs: day care worker, maid, laundress, chef. You do all that work so that it gets done and the partner thats working outside the home can focus on earning the household income. Its *both* of your money, regardless of who's name is on the paycheck. Its so sad that so many stay at home partners end of feeling like that's not the case, particularly as its often used as a form of control and abuse.

[@tkps]

Agreed. Here in Australia they did a study on how much it would cost to employ people to do the jobs that stay at home women do. The cost ran to at least $100,000 p/a and that was conservative. It's still not recognised enough and women still do 75% even when they work full time but hopefully it's getting better. That relationship sounded like it came straight out of the 50's and I'm betting most blokes weren't as bad as that one seems to be even then. I think she should give him the chance to listen to her and if he fails to change, she needs to walk.

[@jachowl4467]

I feel like cotton balls husband is 100% cheating and she need to leave him as it's not a healthy relationship.

[@felinedreamer1685]

I belive if a partner that works tells their housewife/househusband that they are using "their money" its for sure an ass that wants their partner not has a partner but as a pet, a possession only there for their own entertainment and the moment they express their interest and personality they aren't good anymore. SPECIFICALLY when they are bodyshaming and shaming Cottonballs taste in fashion. Cottonball deserves better. Partners aren't toys or pets.

[@madokami03]

@@tkps and I still see men in comment sections across various socials saying housewives/stay at home moms get it easy and don’t do anything of actual importance. We need to recognize that these women are not only potentially taking care of children, but like the original commenter mentioned, are doing the jobs of multiple people’s careers, all in one place, all for nothing in return but a clean house and stable family, and some simple appreciation! It’s sad how little they get of that last one

[@noodlepoodle3582]

People who post nsfw stuff on swf tags harm the reputations of both the sfw communities and sex workers in general. Nobody wins and it sucks.

[@222o-u3t]

Do they have nsfw tags as well? A possible solution could be to mute the nsfw tags they use, so you don't see any content tagged with nsfw stuff anywhere.

[@LucasBurrell]

@@222o-u3t not on intagram, however it would be very unlikely to see it unless youve interacted with that type of content before or follow those hashtags.

[@Quartz_111]

I honestly don't see how they think that'll help their business at all? I can't imagine their paid by viewing on sites like insta

[@fairygoat15]

@@222o-u3t they have websites for nsfw content where it does not have to potential to appear in sfw spaces, or they can just not use tags

[@fairygoat15]

also there's always twitter where there is less censorship and that kind of content doesn't seem to get outside of its intended audience

[@penguu2387]

I don't like men who just assume stay at home moms provide free labor. If he didn't have that woman in his life, he'd be paying someone else to clean, feed him, take care of the child, etc. She deserves access to their money.

[@CircuitWitch]

Tyler you're nice not pushing the divorce issue on that second one. But I WILL say: the second guy sounds like a man *I* divorced. And let me tell you, it was both the hardest, and best, thing I have ever done.

[@N33k5]

I'm sorry you had to go through that but congrats on getting away from a jerk face.

[@lovelylunette8335]

I'm currently divorcing a man who sounds a lot like her husband

[@greatjob_barbara]

Same same

[@KomaedasOneTrueHope]

That Second one really bugged me.....I don't like people that try and control how other's dress....and if that child is a boy. He will copy dad and think that it's ok to boss a woman around like that....

[@indiagale7918]

This exactly.

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

18:44 if he has all the money and doesn’t share any of it with her via allowance/joint accounts outside of “here’s $100 for grocery shopping” it’s kinda concerning

[@Charoula1608]

My father did this. While their relationship was toxic, the fact of the matter is my mother doesn't do good with money. Soon after he died (that was 8 years ago, it matters) she lent her friends money multiple times that we couldn't afford losing. Guess what happened? We never got it back.

[@ladyjanewriter]

Financial Abuse is not talked about enough. At all. I agree with you.

[@Mikabell]

It is extremely concerning honestly. Honestly, joint accounts being the only accounts and/or having one person manage all the finances are ALWAYS mistakes. My mother taught me that when I was very little. When my uncle left he took all the money from his and my aunts joint account. Even though they were both working.

[@Somefool669]

🚩

[@ByAzuraByAzuraByAzura]

@@Charoula1608 So your dad just kept it to himself and didn’t try to teach her how to use it or anything like that as they grew together..?

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

10:12 I’m not marriage expert but with how he treats her interests + the fact that he seems to put her down in other areas makes it sounds like a very toxic relationship

[@FeministCatwoman]

I immediately had a bad feeling at "my husband handles all our money", and it just went further downhill from there. Stuff like this just makes my stomach turn, I don't even want to imagine having my expenses at the mercy of someone else, especially if that someone is THIS comfortable dismissing and shaming me for a harmless hobby that I want to partake in. I know I'm very lucky to be with someone who shares everything and is so supportive and that's not everyone's relationships, but it SHOULD BE the norm, IMO. My heart breaks for wives in this situation...

[@Butterflier00]

if she lives in a "no fault" state THROW THE WHOLE MAN AWAY AND TAKE HALF HIS ASSETS.

[@LittleMissLounge]

@@Butterflier00 Thankfully, all states have no-fault divorce. New York finally got their shit together in 2010.

[@aurora4218]

The second one: that's not just a toxic relationship. That's financial abuse.

[@frill.dweller]

I'm so annoyed at the husband, even if she wants to wear an actual halloween costume every day, w h o c a r e s? It's just a material and a color, why do people get so fussy about what other people wear?? It's like getting upset because a tree in the forest doesn't appeal to you

[@lamb9642]

This is such a beautiful comparison. And you're right! I'm so tired of people looking at each other clothing. And sadly I can see it every day...

[@RavenSutcliffe]

Because from what I'm seeing, and responses Cottonball said he's had to other outfits KNOWING about her body insecurity, it sounds like "appealing to him" is exactly what this dude thinks she should be doing.

[@IceQueen975]

That second one bothers tf outta me. My mom was a stay at home mom so my dad made the money. He NEVER disrespected her like the way OP is being disrespected by her husband. Even though HE made the money, it was THEIR money and whatever they spent it on, they knew. From important stuff to silly stuff. This is horrible. Plus, in normal clothes he says you don't look nice?! Then why tf did you marry her, dude!? Also Tyler? Thank you for always being respectful of those of us who DO want kids. I cannot tell you how many times my fellow women have disrespected me when I say I want children. I would NEVER disrespect ladies like you who do not wish to have kids, so why tf is it okay to disrespect me and others like me??? So yeah, thank you.

[@Sonnenanbeterin1991]

Sounds line the narcisst father my friend had

[@NewGothOnTheBlock]

The wish to either have or not have kids is very personal and says NOTHING about the one being “better or worse” than the other. I don’t want kids for mostly medical reasons, but I LOVE my little nephew and kids of my friends to death! 🖤 people who tell you that you’re “wrong” for wanting kids should mind their own business and grow some empathy! Same goes for my Parents. My mom also was a stay at home Mom until I was 14 and my Dad was the breadwinner and still they were (and still are to this very day) a team! As it should be. I REALLY hope that Cottonball takes Tyler’s advice to heart and things change for the better! No idea who she is or where she’s from, but I want to give her a hug so bad. Been in a long term relationship with someone like her husband (never married though) and if this stays the same it’s going to go downhill fast for herself and her kid their future (if my parents act like this then it’s supposed to be like this, right?. How kids think)

[@freedakaye6720]

I’m not a Lolita but I just love that you remove the ridiculous “shame” that is assigned to liking pretty things. What a weird world we live in.

[@misanthraaa]

Just thought i'd give you an update - i sent an email a while back telling that i was getting my first lolita dress for christmas from my boyfriend (i did, he and i both love it!), but that he was a bit worried about looking underdressed next to me since there are no comms around that i know of and social life is really just him and i anyway. Since then he's definitely joined my mentality of "i don't care what people think of my outfit, i'm gonna do what i like", and he's now getting some enjoyment out of matching whatever i'm doing. In the beginning we were both the usual jeans-and-band-shirt metalheads (which tbh we still are, except i've replaced the jeans with sweatpants LOL), but since last year i've gotten more into both gothic and dark academia looks - which he loves the look of and supports fully, and for a recent dinner "date" he borrowed some of my pants for a more vintage look that i put together as a suggestion for him, and he actually really liked it. So yeah, all good on that front! When i'm going for the coord, he's in a more trad goth look. Works well for us.

[@SwimmingInSunlight]

That's so cool to hear, matching with significant others is such fun time spent together 😊

[@J_Isak]

👏👏👏

[@msmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsm]

Wow that is so awesome, what metal bands do you like? I love Mötley Crüe, and Pantera

[@Erikari]

This is such a cute development Q.Q thanks for sharing it!!

[@misanthraaa]

@@msmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsmsm Batushka, caladan brood, pig destroyer, cattle decapitation, Devin Townsend, belphegor...

[@Lunareon]

The second letter describes a typical abuse situation: 1) An imbalance of incomes, due to life circumstances (e.g. having children). 2) One person becomes financially dependent on the other. 3) The person being depended upon starts to control their dependent excessively (i.e. abuse), using the financial imbalance as both justification and leverage for their actions. This is not OK. This is not your fault. Absence of physical violence does not mean that it is not abuse. This is a situation that, if left unchecked, may eventually lead to physical abuse. Please, get help. Now. If you still want to try to make the relationship work, and your partner can be reasoned with, you could try couples/marriage/family therapy/counseling. Getting a neutral outsider professional's opinion can sometimes open people's eyes. If your partner refuses to recognize that there is anything wrong, and/or refuses to work with you on your relationship, get out, because it will only get worse. Also, children will rather live without one parent, than having to witness the abuse of one every day, or seeing their parents argue all the time. In time, the abuse may also expand to include your children. As Tyler said, you are teaching your children how to treat others, with the example of your relationship. Lastly, always remember that you can not change them. You can only help them change themselves, if they are willing. Stay safe, everyone!

[@yekamarie]

I'm a stay at home mom and a lolita. My husband NEVER gives me grief about my hobbies. He doesn't always "get it," but he doesn't put me down about it. Cottonball, you really need to have this conversation, because your husband is being a controlling ass.

[@hannahsmith3830]

As a married stay at home mom, I say yeet the man. In all seriousness, that doesn't sound like a healthy home environment, and marriages are an equal partnership. No one person should be able to tell the other person what they can and can't do when it comes to something as simple as wearing lolita. I discuss purchases with my husband because the cost involved as I like budgets and planning, but he's never once said anything negative about the fashion. They definitely need to sit down and discuss things, because this goes beyond Cottonball wanting to try a new fashion. There are some serious underlying issues there that need to be discussed, and I'd also suggest marriage counseling for the underlying issues. Sis, if you ever need an ear in the void to listen to, I got you. I've been married for 10 years and we've been through it all, so I can come to you with some sympathy as well as empathy. I'm 32 this year, and my husband is encouraging me to wear lolita more.

[@hopeofdawn]

This is going to sound horribly cynical, but I firmly believe that women always, ALWAYS, need their own money. Married or not, regardless of the relationship, you should always have control over the household finances--whether it's split even stevens in a shared account or each person has their own account to stash money in. I've read far too many horror stories about women who let their husbands control all the finances, and dealt with an 'allowance' (like they were children), only to be left high and dry when he died and left them in a boatload of debt, or decided to run off with a younger model. :( Money can be used as a means of control--but the flip side of that is that it can also be used to protect yourself. Always have your own money stashed away!

[@tkps]

I'm older. My Dad died at 33. The one thing he got right was insuring our house mortgage so we owned our roof but that was it (who expects to die then). My Mum had to work (unskilled) and bring up 3 children. I remember at 15 working part time after school (to help Mum) at a supermarket watching women putting their groceries up then husband walking up wallet out to pay. From then on (prior to equal rights) I swore I would always work and have my own money. I always have. I'm a retired invalid now but being an ex public servant it is my generous pension/super for life that will ensure we live well. My retired hubby's little part time job keeps him able to stash a bit of his own. When I see girls today who still want that sugar daddy I think, love, one day your looks will be gone.

[@MariaJoseRangelUwU]

Actually this is very true. In an ideal perfect situation finances will be split, but I think women need to be financially independent because the reality is that you never know if he will die soon, or just decides to leave you, or maybe he loses his job and then what happens? You’re on your own without a penny to your name. One of the types of domestic abuse is called financial abuse, and it’s very common and one of the main reasons women don’t leave abusing partners, because without them they don’t have the means to support themselves or their children, they made them leave their jobs, took all her money, control all her bank accounts, etc. Also, having the financial control is a power move and somehow it put the other above you in the relationship because the one with the money is the one that decides (it’s awful but these power dynamics are real)

[@lovelylunette8335]

Unfortunately true. We couldn't even have credit or our own bank account just 50 or so years ago

[@MsPurji313]

I don't think that is cynical at all, it is just a really good way to live! Always be your own person. That includes your finances. Even if you have the most perfect relationship, you cannot see the future. Literally anything can happen and you knowing that you can be independent and don't need to rely on anyone is such a warm/safe/happy thought to have. It is just like the oxygen mask on an airplane. You first or you do not have the tools to figure out next steps, whatever that situation may be.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

I dont think it's cynical. My dad had cancer when i was a toddler and my mum pregnant with my younger sister. My Gran told my mum to trust in god. My mum had a job, but my dad is by far the breadwinner, he makes thrice as much as her. Plus, our family doesnt live close to any inlaws, and none of them are rich enough to support another woman and kids. If my dad had died, my mum would have had to raise us on her own budget. I dont want to think what would Happen If she didnt have a job. Thankfully my dad recovered. A woman should always have her own finances. Maybe you have the perfect husband. But what if he gets sick? What about car Crashes or work accidents. What if the husband becomes disabled. What if he loses his job? Apart from the fact that i think it's unfair to put the responsibility for a family's whole existence solely on the husband's shoulders. Coming back to unemployment. Imagine facing redundancy knowing full well that your entire family relies on you and your safety net. At the very least the wife should have some money saved in her own name, just in case.

[@angryotter9129]

Aw, the stay at home mom one seriously got to me and I really appreciate Tyler’s strong feelings and kind words about how hard it is to be a mom. I’m a stay at home mom and its really hard to deal with feeling like I always have to be productive and being unwilling to spend money on myself. BUT. My significant other puts up with my weird, random hobbies with grace, mostly. I have hundreds of dollars worth of custom hula hoops to prove it. And he’s not dumb enough to tell me I don’t look good when I run my outfits by him. I hope cotton ball can find that respect for herself she needs and her husband can learn to respect her too.

[@kenziepuff5683]

I honestly don't understand how you end up with someone who isn't supportive of you. Clearly this woman and her husband have completely different worldviews. I feel for her. I couldn't marry someone who had that much a different view about simple things like clothes.

[@Zullala]

I can't speak for Cotton Ball but I was in a similar sounding marriage (key word being WAS). When I was dating my ex-husband he came across as artsy, free-spirited and really into girl power. I really liked all of these things but once we got married it's like he flipped. He wanted to buy me a brand new wardrobe, which sounds great but it just wasn't my style. I really wanted to give it a go though because I knew it made him happy... But when I realized I just wasn't happy with these clothes and I changed to clothing that I really enjoyed he ended up being noticably upset. He wouldn't walk with me, he would try to shame me before we left the house and one time he even asked me to stop standing at the bus stop near his workplace because he didn't want any of his coworkers to know that I was his wife 🙄. I loved him very much so we stayed together for 7 years... But love isn't enough.

[@bunnsberry3236]

A lot of people end up with people that aren’t good for them because some people maybe become pregnant and I feel like they have to get married or the relationship is abusive in the other person has it depression issues are past traumas that are putting them in a controlling relationship it’s really sad I wish I could help everyone.

[@princessadrigirl6774]

Controlling behaviour usually doesn’t start at 100% at the beginning of the relationship, or most people would “nope” out pretty quickly. Usually things start out great, and then there’s little red flags that are pretty easy to ignore because of how highly you think of the person. But time goes on and things just get worse, and the victim is left wondering what went wrong, if it’s their fault, and how to get things back to being good again like it was in the beginning. Usually involves lots of gaslighting from the controlling persons side. It’s not so black and white as “just leave” because most of the time the victim genuinely wants the relationship to work and is convinced that it can if only THEY work harder. Usually by the time things get really bad, the person feels trapped. Either they have children together, are financially dependent on the controlling person, or share a living situation together that isn’t easy/possible to leave. (Or all 3, which sounds like it’s the scenario here). It’s not her fault, she didn’t ask for this, and it’s not as simple as just walking away.

[@jennaveda6273]

@@Zullala That's horrifying, and I'm so glad you realized you don't deserve that. He's a clown

[@emschlef]

In my case it happened slowly over time. I ignored red flags early in the relationship, and as things progressed we went from OK to toxic in a couple years. My ex would mock my interests in front of me (yet would still want to be involved in them) and I was at mentally such a low point that I started to agree with him. I'm now out of that relationship, but I still need to remind myself that the things I like are OK to enjoy, and nobody (especially not my partner) should mock me for enjoying them.

[@solarstar7509]

The first issue I so relate to, I run an age regression blog (totally sfw, it's a coping mechanism and a trauma response), and so often I'm looking through sfw tags related to it, and I see ddlg and abdl blogs showing incredibly nfsw stuff, or I get blogs like that, that even say minors dni, interacting with my blog.

[@alice-8566]

This is honestly so frustrating, because I myself and a lot of people I know regress b e c a u s e of childhood sexual traumas and seeing anything sexual surrounding that subject absolutely destroys us.

[@solarstar7509]

@@alice-8566 I know right! I luckily don't have that kind of trauma, but even without it, when I'm regressed, seeing a random kink blog reblogging my post (with a very clear DNI banner on) is so upsetting and can throw me out of being regressed- I honestly can't even imagine what it would be like for you, who already had trauma surrounding it, but I can tell that it must be horrible

[@lunawolfe5185]

I relate I was browsing google and amazon has sexual adult baby books and label them age regression

[@solarstar7509]

@@lunawolfe5185 ugh, that's so frustrating.

[@Maidanofgray]

I love how you refer to you significant other as "Camera Man". No longer will I use the word partner or boyfriend or girlfriend, from hence forth all romantic interested will be rereferred to as "Camera Man"

[@babybat5687]

alternatively, "camera mate" if your partner is uncomfortable with "man"

[@Maidanofgray]

@@babybat5687 Ah yes thank you. I couldn't find a better no gender alternative besides "camera crew" XD

[@N33k5]

@@Maidanofgray camera person works too!

[@maxip7324]

May I humbly submit "lovely assistant" as a gender neutral term for partner

[@tuttiFrutiikawaii]

@@Maidanofgray camera crew sounds like a nice way to refer to partners in a poly situation

[@changeling-child]

What also bothers me about the second one is that the husband controls all the money. I understand that marriage is a partnership and that major financial decisions should be discussed together, but as a home worker and stay-at-home mum you are providing essential labor in the partnership and thus should have access to the money you’ve earned together. Keeping the house and looking after children is not any less valid work than any job out in the workforce and also entitles you to compensation and some level of financial independence. You should not have to ask your husband for permission every time you purchase clothes or get dressed in the morning. Wtf? What kind of 1950’s feminine mystique nightmare scape did this man crawl out of??

[@ittybittybabybun5658]

This video helped me confront my boyfriend about his friends being gross and overly crude around me and about my hobbies. I told him that it’s important that he advocates for me and for our space. This has been something I’ve been really struggling with and it really puts a toll on me. I will continue to advocate for myself.

[@ittybittybabybun5658]

@ellemia thank you 💕

[@rhino1876]

I really can understand cotton ball when she talks about her husband controlling finances. My fiancé is the sole bread winner and I do all the cleaning and organizing (more than just the house I organize most of our life). Sometimes I get nervous about asking for things but that stems from my own insecurities around not feeling worthy (yay childhood traumas I’m dealing with in therapy). However my fiancé is supportive of EVERYTHING I want and will do absolutely anything to make something happen for me. I do the same for him with his aspirations. When I told him this year I wanted to change how I dress entirely and eventually only wear Lolita he was so supportive and loving that I felt that I wanted to express myself more with clothing. He buys me dream pieces when I find them and whenever I am wearing Lolita he tells me how great I look. I’m currently also working on my sobriety from medical marijuana because I want to get pregnant in a couple years and obviously can’t do that while growing a baby. He told me every 6 months that I’m marijuana free he will buy me a new main piece (I’m 3 months down next week). I know it’s their husband and the father of their child/children but..you shouldn’t settle for treatment like that. If someone loves you they should at the bare minimum show a minor interest in your interests as well. Support is so important in life and if they are almost controlling of how you dress I can imagine it’s the same with other things. When a man has control of everything with finances it should be a joint thing, not a “you get what I tell you to get” kind of thing. They should view it as “our money” regardless if they make it all and let you get what you want. On top of helping me buy the things I want my fiancé gives me an allowance monthly to spend on whatever I want for myself. Maybe that could be a way to approach at the bare minimum being able to start to buy some Lolita things for yourself? I really feel like men should be grateful when they find a woman willing to be a homemaker as most women want to pursue a career they should treat them with respect and still allow them to have their own independence in some way especially when it comes to expressing ones self.

[@kirbybie]

I wish you the best of luck in your future plans!

[@rhino1876]

@@kirbybie thank you so much!! 🥰

[@Erikari]

I loved reading this so much, so glad you have a very caring husband. And I wish you to succeed with your plan :D you can do it!!

[@ath3na.64]

That's so sweet and I'm glad you were able to find someone who loves and supports you as much as he does. I don't understand how someone can just tell their significant other they don't look good in outfits that they're obviously really happy in. If a certain shape doesn't suit their figure or doesn't look like it fits right, that's one thing- but to just say "no" and that's it,. that's an asshole.

[@rhino1876]

@@ath3na.64 I don’t understand it either, when I saw this video initially my jaw dropped when I heard that he does that. It would be really hard for me to hear that from my significant other and I don’t have issues with body image so I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for her. So dismissive and rude imo.

[@bicycletoast5761]

I just wanted to like,,, put this out here, but as someone small, I'm a highschooler, I find you to be like, the best role model, maybe not on the language, but you really make m e feel confident in the things I wear. it's not directed a t me. but know that despite not having your own kids, I'm sure there are other almost adults that you're really helping become surprisingly stable adults. I love lolita, and I'm just barely dipping my toes in, you're really great tyler!

[@moonkitten3758]

Dont let anyone tell you otherwise! Tyler is such an amazing, real, no bullsh*t type of person. She’s strong and kind. A great rolemodel :)

[@naugatuckvalleysoupkitchen5994]

steams my beans. this episode is fullof gold. Cotton ball you have a community that supports you!

[@namtellectjoonal7230]

Just.. the title Explicit hug workers is the most hilarious way to get around that pesky demonitization xD

[@rosiejl2798]

Tyler is absolutely right It is important to address the fact that the second commenter does not feel like she should have acess to the families money. The financial contribution of a stay at home mum is huge. Factor in the cost of childcare, a cleaner, a cook, a nurse, a secretary etc who is working often more hours than a 40 hour "work week" including overtime and weekends. He may be being paid but you are contributing a huge financial benefit to the family and you absolutely deserve a significant proportion of the families income including money that you are free to spend how ever you like. I bet he has personal spending money that he spends on what ever he likes/his hobbies, you should also have the same proportion of the families income to spend how you like such as lolita.

[@lovelylunette8335]

This. Would he be able to work a nice job if he didn't have her doing all the other essential labor?

[@atinyevil1383]

This has happened in both lolita and goth tags on Instagram. I think to myself “I did not come to Instagram for this!”

[@katefitzpatrick9977]

Cottonball, if you're reading the comments you have our support with you! Just remember that just because he doesn't like something, doesn't mean you can't do it. I'm sure he has hobbies you may or may not be a fan of but you support him anyway. You deserve that same support ❤️

[@pleaseignorethisismyoldaccount]

Tyler's co-ord in this video is so damn pretty and frilly

[@nataloves]

maybe the best yet!

[@isthataspider7410]

I like your Zheani pfp!!

[@tuttiFrutiikawaii]

Honestly Tyler is stunning is this video. Her face and hair are... Angelicaly pretty

[@pleaseignorethisismyoldaccount]

@@isthataspider7410 thank you! I didn't think anyone would recognize her

[@Mikabell]

Yeah... I know it is not as easy as "divorce him" but typically for those who have body issues and depression they may settle with a spouse that is abusive. I know it can be even tougher for housewives with children. Honestly, I would re-examine the relationship. Tell him off first and be honest about your feelings. If he STILL refuses to listen then consider leaving. And tell him that you are seriously thinking about it. He either needs re-evaluate himself and try to change or get help. This isn't just about j-fashion. This is about him considering your feelings. You can give him a chance even though he REALLY does NOT deserve it what-so-ever if he refuses to care about how you feel. Depression and body image issues in my family. And they have all had kids with partners that were abusive and shamed them for their appearance and what they choose to wear. They even did that to their children. I don't know if he is insulting your body but I would watch for it. Even microaggressions. Like "You wouldn't look good/fit into that", "that would make you look fat", "that shows too much of your legs and you don't look good in skirts/dresses". My dad hid my mom's jewelry. He told me I was probably "fat like my mom" when he didn't believe me saying she lost weight. My uncle shamed my aunt for her weight. Even tried to force my cousin to only have food smoothies (so blended food, no solids allowed) because he thought she was fat. Issues like this even happened with my grand parents. They are all divorced from those people. And happier that way. You can't be happy with someone who refuses to let you enjoy your hobbies and wear what makes you love yourself. They are essentially barring from being happy and loving your body. Most likely because you are easier to manipulate that way. And he WILL treat your children the same way. They are only children. That will DESTROY them it will be an endless cycle. So Cotton ball if you are reading this.... break that cycle. Whether it is by giving him a stern talking to until he understands, making him get help or leaving him. Because it hurts. It hurts growing up in a family like that. So bad. I know from experience.

[@clairekaltman3237]

That Hubby needs to learn "Happy Wife, Happy Life". Give that woman some Lolita jewelry and make her happy.

[@XadriaTheNobody]

And some Angelic Pretty. She def deserves some Angelic Pretty.

[@vaughn_erich]

i feel like its going to take more than shiny objects to solve their apparent wide array of relationship issues.

[@CuteLilEldritch1010]

Holy shit I didn’t think you’d do mine! Thank you soooo much for the advice

[@CuteLilEldritch1010]

@@sayakamaizono8216 I’m the first story

[@Z.A.M.1359]

For the second entry, I highly recomend marriage counceling/family therapy. Then you have a mediator and guide on how to best communicate.

[@Kairi98503]

The second one gives me serious control issue vibes. Like, I bet he doesn't ask her about his hobbies or anything, he just does it. and if she does say anything about it, he just brushes her off. I would recommend couples therapy, if he says no or tries to gaslight that it would be a 'bad idea' or 'a waste of time' then threaten divorce. If he is still stead fast in not changing anything, then perhaps it is time to go. Now one should always work to improve things before going to the most drastic option, but sometimes you may not have a choice. I wish her the best of luck.

[@momoirox3556]

Your highlight and skin looks so pretty in this 🌸💕

[@cinnamorollsmom]

man, the ending... she seems so emotional about how cameraman found a way to cheer her up even on an awful day

[@flyingpig1003]

The second one broke my heart! All I will say, you deserve to have the people you love love what makes you happy and support your self expression fully. Also, this installment is a shining example of why I love you and your content Tyler!

[@Talonistrying]

Your coord is fracking GORGEOUS Edit: Whoever posted #2, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. He's being completely horrible to you, so you just do what makes you happy. If he isn't going to support you, his opinion isn't worth your time. Edit #2: you and Cameraman are STILL goals. That tea set story was so sweet!

[@purplejammiejam]

Tyler don't make ME CRY over you getting a beautiful tea set. Cameraman you remind me a lot of my fiance in your gift giving kindness. I was having a really rough week and he sent me a box of goodies (he lives in the UK). It's the little things.

[@TheCoyoteOutlaw]

The contrast of the last story and the tea set story gave me emotional whiplash. Right in the feels.

[@ReijiAoeGirl666]

I think being financially independent is very important. If you do, there is no one who can tell you how to spend it or you feeling bad because you spend “someone else’s money” and it makes it easier for you to end relationships or marriages.

[@elizabethbrown5289]

Your advice was spot on. You were way more gentle than I would have been with that second story.

[@OddlyElly]

My husband and I have a joint savings account and our own separate personal accounts. I am disabled and the house spouse, so this is close to home. We talk constantly so that neither us feels lesser than the other. Marriage (and relationships in general) are about collaboration, not compromise, because each party should be involved and come to an agreement that BOTH are happy with. Financial abuse is awful and belittling harmless hobbies is petty. Also, neither of you can give 100% all the time nor should you. At the moment my husband is doing 90% of everything (going to work, household chores, meals) and I'm doing 10% with emotional support because I legit cannot do more than that right now. That percentage changes everyday and sometimes I'll do the majority but it's because we make that effort to check in with each other and work through issues together. Stay strong Cottonball!!

[@alexreese7]

Such good advice for Cottonball. I'm divorced from a similar individual. He didn't care about what I was into and constantly put me down and my daughters unfortunately had to witness that. I eventually found my way out, but my daughters suffered. My oldest has been having relationship issues and my youngest did as well until she met her current boyfriend who is so supportive and caring of her feelings. If talking to him doesn't work, she should suggest counseling and if that doesn't work, she may have to leave him for her own good. I hope she can work it out.

[@OpalFangs]

Cottonball dump your husband. Partners dont treat eachother like that, you deserve to be treated with love and compassion.

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 The husband sounds uncomfortably controlling. He polices her looks and judge her interests and happiness.

[@hellokittylikeskaga]

That was so sweet of your boyfriend to buy that tea set.

[@taylormacfarlane4093]

Lol Tyler your room is so clean. I need your strive to make my room into the elegant masterpiece that is your room.

[@Malikiliki]

A whole bunch of love to Cottonball. I hope she is able to be herself the way that she wants and deserves to.

[@gmccleod]

So many feelings in here. Cupcake - I'm sorry your not making headway with the Hug Worker. Cotton Ball - Chin up! You are a valuable member of your household. Mommy's are the best! Don't sell yourself short.

[@oniodarkholme4267]

8:19 throw the whole husband out

[@Destiny-vg9bx]

Tyler, you are the level-headed adult that I have needed my entire life.

[@SaturnineFR]

The second story is awful, especially since my mom, and a lot of her friends, were housewives. They never had any problems with their husbands controlling their hobbies. Being a stay at home parent is actually a good deal for a family : you cut off a lot daycare related costs, and it's also way less stressful : both parents have more freetime for their hobbies (and their children!). A housewife (or husband) is neither a slave or a pet, they're here to be in charge of domestic work so you have more freetime after work. You should be thankful to have someone willing to give up on their career, instead of treating them like shit. I don't get what's the problem with dressing up occasionnally. How does it make you crazy ?

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

20:10 I think this also calls for like couples therapy or something

[@Velchat3]

I wonder what husband would do if cotton ball just up and got a job, leaving baby at a daycare? He would fucking flip!!!!

[@HunterLvyiXIII]

Not to mention (almost) all the money from her job (average job I'm assuming) would just get funneled back into the daycare leaving them with the same amount of money or even a net loss! Homemakers do so much vital work and it breaks my heart that cotton ball is being treated that way

[@Velchat3]

@@HunterLvyiXIII or better yet, work from home 😃

[@RoscoSea]

Ooooh the top of your dress/jsk (still learning) is so pretttty

[@kaleshabastion2332]

Cotton Ball, I am so sorry that you're going through this tough time, while no yet married, nor unable to have children, I can sympathise with how hard it is having low self esteem and not having a outlet to express yourself. I agree with Tyler, you being a mother and raising a whole new person is amazing!! I have a friend who was in a very toxic marriage where he tried to make her the perfect "house wife" throwing away all her punk/goth things and only allowing her to buy what we call 80s country club chic as she was a SAHM. When she left him she fell heavy into lolita and started studying fashion with a heavy Lolita presence. Recently she received her PHD and what was her topic? Lolita fashion! If your husband is likely to respect a "expert" please find my insta under this name, I'll happily send you her public information, I'm sure she'd be happy to answer questions. I'm rooting for you Cotton! Keep on being amazing ❤️

[@nanamiharuka3269]

Why is this low key a therapy session? I love serious Tyler

[@waterwitch1690]

Lol an abusive house hold isn’t a stable life. I get that being homeless and starving on the streets is extremely difficult,and jarring and unstable. But having someone who is extremely abusive and controlling and manipulative is also an very unstable and unhealthy place for a kid to grow up. So many women stay with an abusive husband because they are worried for their children, but at the same time those abusive people( husband in this case) are absolutely having a negative impact on the kids and spouses life. That whole email was so sad, to me it just sounds like if this women tries to tell her husband how she feels, he most definitely will try to shut her down and shut her up by escalating the situation and yelling (when she didn’t even do anything wrong) he will make her feel like she is wrong, she is crazy, for even daring to ask to have an opinion, for even daring to try to be her own person and not his little fucking trophy house wife who makes sure the whole house is clean everyday and that every meal is always made. My opinion if final, that guy is trash and she needs to get the fuck out of that “relationship”. Commitment ain’t shit when only one person is committed. I hope that lady reads this, I hope she realizes she is so fucking strong, she has dealt with a bunch of abuse and must realize that she IS powerful as fuck. Life is hard, but we are strong. He will try to keep you there with manipulation, pretending he will change. That is a lie, a tactic used to keep you there long enough so they can break you down more so you are less likely to leave. What would he really be without you taking care of him? At the end of every story is the beginning of a new one.

[@sta._rina]

Speaking from experience, the sooner she gets out of there the better. Even if she lives at her parents or friends place for awhile while saving up for expenses then that is 100x better than letting your kids be around a narrcisist parent.

[@ScottCroom]

You're good people Tyler. I really enjoy your show.

[@caitlyntravelingcircusvtg938]

this coordinate is absolute perfection, the purple wrist cuffs are an EXACT match!

[@yiennestillhere]

Listening to you always makes me feel better.

[@oniodarkholme4267]

I just put on a pink sparkly outfit and I'm so ready for this

[@thu4061]

tbh my typical tactic for misuse of sfw tags is to scroll the tag and flag every post the user puts up that violates policy since enough flagged posts on most social media sites can get an account locked and it's a royal pain to get it back - esp if you WERE misusing the tags. Not nice, but then again if they weren't putting their stuff in the wrong tags to begin with...

[@4nem0ne]

we don't know the entirety of the situation, whether physical abuse or culture could be a thing. I believe in Cottonball! I'm glad she's reaching out :)

[@divixxyy]

your videos are free therapy. i love this series. so much encouragement and kindness and great advice

[@Crystal2193]

From the end of Cottonball's message it also sounds like they maybe don't have many friends or people they can reach out to. Being a SAHM can be really isolating, especially this past year. I hope that's the extent of it and that her husband isn't stopping or discouraging friendship, another red flag of abusive behavior... But it makes it that much harder to find the strength to confront someone when you are wholly dependent on their financial support, and that much harder to recognize if you're being treated badly when you have no one to compare it to.

[@HDCE-nv1uy]

WOW. Heavy subject to stumble on to. Cool channel!

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

2:16 also depending on the platform, it’s best to to turn on “sensitive media” or put an age restriction on the account (former for Twitter, latter for IG)

[@simplycaspar]

You give me the confidence to be myself. 💖

[@stephenlounds8097]

The second story is one of marital abuse. In no way is that ok. I don't think this, for want of a word, man will change. While devorce is a difficult thing this lady and her child need to get away and free themselves of this tyrant. I hope that alll goes well for her and her child away from this relationship.

[@salviaexpedition]

Tyler. I think what you said to Cottonball was so good! Often I hear people only say things like leave him and not giving any concrete advice. I have been thinking what kind of advice I would give to people if they asked me similar things. Now I can listen to your words and learn from them.💖💕

[@bekpalm]

Spoiler alert, I am not a lolita. However, I love your channel, your advice to women in complex situations is so spot on. Respect.

[@weeblife8657]

With my boyfriend, I might ask him what he thinks about an outfit or something I enjoy, but I know he won't stop me if he doesn't like or care for something. And that is entirely how it should be. There are some video games he plays or I play that the other does not care at all for and I would never stop him from playing them and he would never stop me from playing the games I enjoy. It's okay if the husband does not like the aesthetic, it's not for everyone and I don't think it would be right to force him to like it. But he should never force her into feeling bad about liking it.

[@EileenGallia]

This salt makes my afternoon.

[@HeraldHealer]

Cottonball's describing highly controlling and abusive behavior on the part of the husband.

[@Nana-kv6rq]

I feel like I just went through a therapy session on that second one. My heart goes out to cottonball and I really hope that she takes your advice, Tyler. No one deserves to feel this way in a marriage! T_T

[@louisesmith6094]

Oh my gosh, the SAHM really needs to divorce his ass. He can't even love her for who she is, and he treats her like a puppet or slave. What a low-value man! Oh, and she really needs FDS.

[@Gravity.96]

Omg thank you for mentioning asexuals in the first one, I feel heard

[@MalissaWilson]

I love how you and Cameraman care so much for each other, and how you do stuff to make each other happy. It's wholesome and lovely. Thank you for sharing those parts of your relationship with us weirdoes on the interwebs.

[@Xander1Sheridan]

perfect response.

[@Zullala]

I think Cotton Ball is married to my ex husband...

[@lovelylunette8335]

Not gonna lie, it reminded me of why I'm getting a divorce

[@donotperceiveme6198]

cameraman is great for the tea set tbh. royal albert isn't something you just blink at, that stuff is *nice*

[@baphiecos]

I just really wanted to say that I love your hair in this video so much! I think it looks incredible (as always) but this style in particular is just awesome. Just wanted to say that, have a lovely rest of your night :)

[@cokeandredrum]

I swear if that second lady doesn’t get a divorce 😡

[@cokeandredrum]

I realize jumping straight to divorce isn’t always an easy and realistic idea for everyone but I’m just so angry 😡 😡😡

[@TheLadyLiddell]

Cottonball's husband sounds really toxic.

[@abbybews3982]

Awwwh cameraman that's so sweettt

[@Butterflier00]

Cottonball.....THROW THE ENTIRE M A N AWAY.

[@jennaveda6273]

AHHHH! I was so excited when this popped up in my notifications. I love this segment so damn much 💕✌️

[@jennaveda6273]

Also, definitely going to be using 'explicit hugging' at some point. That's hilarious

[@MrGotsomeskillz]

Holy canoli. That was the best peptalk I have ever heard!

[@HollyQualia]

Great advice as always!!

[@Z.A.M.1359]

I love the side table setup! The tea set + the bunny! Squee!

[@xxspookshowxbabyxx]

Yeah by point number 2, my solution was throw the whole husband away

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

17:41 also instead of saying “you made me feel/this made me feel” a lot of times it can be better to frame it more “when you do x I can **feel myself becoming** y/when x happens I can feel myself becoming y” it’s a type of framing meant to be less accusatory than even what you said. I think it’s from... DBT?? A type of therapy. The framing is supposed to sound less like you’re placing blame for your emotions/reactions onto someone else and more like an acknowledgment of said emotions/reactions.

[@ReijiAoeGirl666]

I don’t know what you have done to your hair, but it looks SO good! Loving your current hair styles.

[@cacaoaddict8731]

Me with my trash Reddit Personality: *slurps up my tea with Whipped Cream on it* OP, Throw the man away. I know that it's not that easy in real life, but I felt irrationally mad at her husband. Toxic af, istfg

[@aya_thedoggo3221]

I know that cottonball probably isn't gonna look at this(if she watches this video) but I think that she should get into crafting(like sewing/knitting/etsy things), start her own bank account, and use that money to buy her own stuff. I'm not a couple's therapist, but if he treats her like this just over CLOTHES, I can't even imagine how he treats her over other things. I don't think that they should stay married unless he can put the clothes aside.