Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator - A Grand Historical Clusterflip

[@ZefVolk]

1:00 "Ten thousand Romans going in" One hundred thousand Jon. Just out by a factor of ten there.

[@thischannelhasnocontent8629]

"The zombies are dropping faster." > Zombie horde is actually growing

[@madisonyoung9893]

Never forget the Tortoise Regiment. From miscommunication, the planned three-way strike against the Americans fell apart as the Persians turned on their allies. The tortoise held out as best they could but in the end they fell from the pincer strikes of both Persians and Spartans. Their willingness to send aid to their Roman allies led to their downfall (alongside the fact that a considerable amount of their forces appeared to have gotten lost on the way to the conflict and so missed the battle) Never forget. Never forget.

[@madisonyoung9893]

Also: "The Romans are dropping pretty quickly, but the zombies are dropping faster" *Looks at zombie army counters, sees counter actually rising* May want to check that one again Jon

[@lanceuppercut6168]

Baaahahaha!!! xD

[@internetalias1613]

Madison Young Don't forget: "The us soldiers are dropping faster than the orcs" *An orc dies every second whilst the Americans dropped one ever 30*

[@jovan1198]

The tortoises were annihilated because there were a few plumbers in the enemy ranks.

[@whoisthisguy128]

"The romans are dropping fast, but the zombies are dropping faster!" *watches zombie numbers rising*

[@s76trombone]

Jon and Andy from Outside Xbox should make a series where they complain about historical inaccuracy in games

[@wickedraptor2651]

i second this

[@sharkofjoy]

This is my actual dream youtube channel.

[@jmarkellos]

s76trombone I didn't know I wanted this until you said something.

[@yamallamadingdong6183]

i third this

[@Tigercup9]

I fourth this. Oh hell, it's already become like that OTHER comment thread on this video, hasn't it?

[@SourceOfBeing]

1:15 - Another example of Jon's low Perception. 99,999 is a little bigger than 10,000.

[@Mankorra_Gomorrah]

"Continuing their proud tradition of losing every major war they got involved in" i laughed so hard when you said that

[@davidjames4890]

risker34 I know,they should have tightened those wars because then,they wouldn't loosen them.

[@VunderGuy]

Hey, managed to save all that Limey behind from their problem.. ;)

[@Lo-tf6qt]

Jon was describing the French and not the Persians at that point

[@wasneeplus]

@@Lo-tf6qt Though that's far from true for both the French and the Persians

[@legionxiii8055]

UEBS Logic - Large shirtless man who is muscular and has a cool helm and circular shield - 250 hp - Cloth wearing fancy hat failiures - 150 hp - Actual armour, with actual good shields, with historical fact to back it up - 110 hp.

[@YTPoljo]

Legion XIII how are persians failiures

[@wickedraptor2651]

yup

[@Sephroth73]

They DID lose basically every war, skirmish, or conflict they involved themselves in...

[@raynes6286]

PoljoYT Because they had many men, but few soldiers.

[@davidedippolito2700]

CREDERE NON POSSUM!!

[@SolarMechanic]

*Ring-Ring* Jon, it's your CPU. It's angry!

[@Gilhelmi]

Mike Carson And GPU. He has a video card capable of doing VR. I surprise that his video card didn't just melt.

[@Gilhelmi]

Will Jones Really, I thought that the number of troops being rendered on screen would tax the system more? I am trying to build a new computer, is there a website for a good baseline test for CPUs and GPUs? I have been having the debate (with myself) on which is more important.

[@SolarMechanic]

Jones is correct. Any modern GPU could easily handle rendering armies several times this size without breaking a sweat, what causes the drop in frame rate is the CPU having to calculate their pathing and behaviour in real time. The go-to answer for "What CPU should I buy?" a few months ago when I was building my PC was an i5 6600k, unless you're doing a lot of video or rendering work in which case go for the i7 6700k because the extra cores help.

[@Gilhelmi]

Mike Carson Thank you. That means I should go mid range on video/GPU, high range on CPU

[@ncr_ranger96]

Jon, I think you're ignoring the technology gap between Rome and knights of what appears to be the high middle ages.

[@Londronable]

Seconding this. Less so weapon wise but a Gladius is going to struggle to get a decent hit on a later era knight. Knights to be fair were elite. If your elite and extremely expensive troops are not winning versus those troops deployed by the thousands hundreds of years before you you're in trouble. There were no armies consisting out of many thousands of knights. If there was a big force Rome could put 2 legions on it consisting out of 13000 soldiers. Like, you really think peasants got a full set of knight armor?

[@victoriazilverentant5593]

Yeah, plate armor is kinda OP against gladiusus

[@SirRaxos]

I thought the levels of tech were relatively equal - what with the whole 'Dark Ages' thing and the fact that Rome reached a level that wasn't again reached until recently (heated floors, glass etc...)

[@1967sluggy]

Daniel Harrington Not necessarily. The best we see of the Roman times was the Lorica Segmentica: Good armour, but not as good as knight armour. Knights were expensive, and extremely well trained for their time. They had to resist the infantry, survive against arrows and crossbows, and also cope with some of the anti-knight tech deployed, such as long poles with curved bits to help pull knights off a horse.

[@Azaghal1988]

not even close to equal. There was a huge development in armor between the early middle ages, with armor close to late roman armor and high/late middle ages with german and italian plate armor a sword could not physically penetrate if you didn't hit the few weaknesses with a really pointy swordtip^^

[@elgato1721]

Many brave men died that day. They died like true warriors... And then there were the 332 guys who were eaten alive by chickens.

[@timothy__tt]

>99999 units Jon: 10,000 units on both sides!

[@fromtheinternet42]

"Always bet on Rome" unless it's a cavalry fight, never bet on Roman cavalry against any other cavalry.

[@ManyATrueNerd]

That's what allies are for!

[@SirRaxos]

They still have nightmares about those damn Numidians - the Second Punic War was not a fun time.

[@SirRaxos]

Jon bringing memories of Year 9 Latin to the surface with that Caecilius reference.

[@netheniahscrim2787]

Caecilius est in horto, Caecilius est igni, Caecilius est mortuus.

[@jakebennett2301]

Caecilius Matellaque in cubiculum sunt. (Biggest joke in year 7)

[@Tigercup9]

Um... I only know four words in Latin, so I'm just gonna sit over here and be sad, thanks...

[@netheniahscrim2787]

google translate you lazy bitch

[@adammullarkey4996]

I was going to say "I like Google translate. It's very useful. Especially when you can't speak Latin." in Latin, but when I put it into Google Translate and then translated it back, it said "I like Google translate. This is very useful. In particular, when they are not speaking."I think I'll just let you enjoy the majesty of Google Translate.

[@ColonelCuticle]

Are these actual Romans or just guys in sports gear.

[@gamingconnoisseur67]

Luka Ackerman I get the reference fallout new vegas the legion used sports gear as armour

[@thegalaxy8891]

Ring-a-ding-ding, baby!

[@TheMegadethMonk]

Romans with gladii against full plate armored knights with long swords and...Rome would win? Hmm...RTW bias a bit?

[@manlikemars2929]

Jon should play Totally Accurate Battle Simulator.

[@ncr_ranger96]

Pretty sure he has.

[@manlikemars2929]

No that was Clustertruck

[@zrbontrager]

Celltosis when we this and where was I?

[@manlikemars2929]

+Shoduck Clustertruck was a few months ago.

[@randomguy3849]

Yes almost naked men can take a sword to the face and live while someone in full armor can barely take a pebble to their pinky

[@AnesidoraAston]

Oh thank God. An out from the fucking terrifying spiders in Bloodborne. Thank you.

[@williamharris7795]

Just watched that video and went on this XD

[@notbob9865]

Hi Jon, Thanks for making great videos!

[@gokce9521]

MAYBE the knights won against the romans thanks to the fact that the knights had a 1200 year tech advantage...just saying

[@LonelyMinnesotan1]

Mr. Sallow wait. They did??? **thinks about it** huh...

[@matthewmullinax6026]

With actual steel weaponry (or iron but history bit shakey)

[@AgentTasmania]

In half plate, so definitely steel.

[@pokerface1476]

roman empire:aqueduc,sewer,discipline,unifiing the meditteranean 1200 medieval:crusading,puting poop on wound,throwing poop out of windows,don't having sewer,ect.. rome had beter tech than any medieval kingdom

[@Kaiimei]

I actually can't tell if you are joking or not...

[@3DiversionsDeep]

"I may have made a mistake!" Jeah, Jon, you put two hundred thousand instead of twenty thousand troops on the battlefield.

[@achilles7074]

It took thirty minutes of saying that the zombies were dropping like flies to realize that their numbers were increasing the whole time, lol

[@LordRunolfrUlfsson]

(10:30) I think the Spartans are "movie Spartans", not "reality Spartans". (15:40) But how many enemies did each American kill, compared to rivals?

[@toaofpi]

This is yet another reminder of how fun it is to have Jon narrate epic battles. Also, this seems like a fun game. I might pick it up at some point. Thanks for the video!

[@HellishSpoon]

"who is doing more damage to zomibes? romans or santa?" this game is grate.

[@charlieholmes2760]

Please do another worms video for the upcoming general election Jon, i loved those videos! :)

[@poogmaster1]

Charlie Holmes aye. One for France and one for Britain

[@smith6810]

I third this

[@chuningsong4905]

I fourth this.

[@justusbenning1626]

why has nobody seconded it yet? oh well, I fifth this.

[@alexdohatcu4734]

I sixth this

[@AsamiImako]

In reality the WWII soldiers would've won, as long as they had ammo. This game doesn't simulate things like threat assessment and tactics and communication/cooperation which the WWII soldiers would've been far more advanced with.

[@nuclearspart4n163]

and armored/ air/artillery support, they've would've shitkicked everyone else, maybe to the exception of zombies.

[@dragmire3D]

I love the sports announcer style of commentary Jon does for this kind of game.

[@CosImCewl]

That reference to the Cambridge latin course! Grumio est in horto sedet

[@bubblebreak4160]

The Spartans were actually a warrior aristocracy. None of them were farmers. They depended entirely on slaves, immigrants, and their wives to run the whole economy.

[@flippos]

Spartans were not nearly as bad as you suggest them being in this video. There are MANY historical opinions on that subject.

[@alansmithee419]

All roads lead to Rome, therefore, if you follow a road out of Rome, you'll eventually find somewhere to invade.

[@danielletate4159]

Thanks for this, I had a hard day and I really needed a laugh today! I love the way you showcase the quirks of this game. Can't wait till it gets properly finished and gets out of alpha. They simply have to include the Vikings.

[@ChillyMan5]

"Those zombies are going down very very fast indeed" - Jon. Meanwhile the zombies numbers are actually growing

[@zafranorbian757]

Wow this is unexpected but fun. Also please play it again with your true romans.

[@lentulusbrutus5583]

Wait! This isn't Alesia! Where am I!?!?

[@julianusvatinius4479]

What You too Where am i this is not rome

[@lentulusbrutus5583]

Julianus Vatinius shut up you are literally the imposter of the imposter. The original Julianus is on Campaign

[@julianusvatinius4479]

No i am the Imposter of the Imposter of the Imposter of the imposter

[@jaketheberge1970]

Lentulus Brutus This place seems to be Hell, at least for the Romans.

[@ham_the_spam4423]

and wrong game!

[@perfectlysane7904]

"Continuing their proud tradition of losing every major war they got involved in" That is actually far from true. And you can ally troops by putting them on the same team.

[@lmarcelus]

Santas are dropping to the zombies, AND NOW THE AMERICANS ARE FIRING ON THE CHICKENS! Omg Jon, please more, please. This is the best thing I ever watched.

[@Stargazeer]

I wonder. Medieval Knights in full plate armour vs standard roman legionnaires. Of course the bloody Knights won. A bloody Gladius or Spatha isn't going to dent plate armour. Doubt it will do any damage to mail either. Romans mostly fought people who wore hides, furs or nothing. Very little actual armour. The weapons and tactics reflected that. Stabbing actions and slicing legs. And don't get keep started about how ineffective Roman armour would be against any kind of medieval weapon.

[@minerva9104]

Stargazeer Nova Knights wouldn't use swords, swords are side arms. Axes, Maces, Halberds and Poleaxes, Polearms, those are real battle weapons, swords are just back up weapons

[@fc-iax8809]

It's important to remember that classical roman legionaries were NOT outdated. The empire simply could not afford them anymore.

[@frknspacewizardbrett6044]

There's also the fact that the Medieval Knights would be more elite than the roman legionnaires, as they were the higher class warriors. But that also needs to be taken into account. There would be far _less_ knights than legionnaires, and the knights that ARE there would likely be not nearly as good at coordinating with each other as the Romans. That might make things a bit more fair.

[@sharkofjoy]

How are you explaining the strength of the naked Spartans....?

[@raynes6286]

romeinprogress They're Spartans innit.

[@gluesniffer2]

had to do my college paper on this historic battle. Thanks for the video recreation :)

[@koosvandenheuvel8280]

john you can customise the units. so you can inhance the roman strength

[@johnbuckner3058]

Jon, quit this whole KZbin fiasco and become a sports commentator. AND ARSENAL HAVE FIELDED 20,000 CHICKENS, AND MANCHESTER UNITED ARE ALL ZOMBIES. PLACE YOUR BETS NOW. IT'S GO GO GO!

[@BigHenFor]

John Buckner I'm showing my age but I imagined that when Jon did his first overhead view that he would start commenting as a typical soccer commentator. LOL

[@mr_glug_glug]

Please do another one of these, I found it highly entertaining to watch.

[@irishlad9011]

I keep seeing flashes of white on screen and paused it at the moment and I'm guessing its Jon's computer dying?

[@MarquisSmith]

Don't worry. It will come back as a zombie.

[@irishlad9011]

true true

[@coldlatte767]

No, it's the game. NerdCubed has those flashes too

[@irishlad9011]

yea thought that saw his plays bid

[@yurik4]

Jon, modern estimates say there were 3 to 5 times more Persians than Greeks. Just because one study brings a different estimate, it does not make it true.

[@jacobmartinez9339]

I don't think he was saying it was 100% true. It's more of he was amused by it

[@yurik4]

Then it's like being amused by people thinking Moon rotates around the Earth because there was one research paper after a lot of assumptions argues Earth rotates around the Moon.

[@awlkdural5396]

actually that is kind of amusing

[@atreides213]

Yuri K. Jon’s staggering ignorance of the Persian Empire’s actual history knows no bounds.

[@curseofgladstone4981]

Are you talking about their total armies or just those at thermopaly? If so the Persians lost 3x as many soldiers as the spartan athenian defense had in total or a kd of about 15/1 I think the best estimates are something like 70k Persian soldiers.

[@jackmoulton2546]

One of the best titles Jon has gifted us

[@TheGeekCupboard]

I like how the count of Zombies went up as everyone else died. Nice touch.

[@adammullarkey4996]

2:30 I like how you specifically didn't play as the guy right at the front and then complained that you weren't at the front.

[@davidr.6357]

great video Jon! also, you can ally troops by clicking, on the troop selection menu, the drop down menu saying a team on it and choose which team you want them to be on. if two units are on the same team they will not attack eachother

[@horrorskop]

29:02 - the Moment he realizes that Zombies go up instead of down. priceless

[@FailcopterWes]

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket, here's 10,000 chickens" I don't think I have a basket big enough even if I wanted to.

[@smartmineofficial]

3:28. "The ROMANS of the Ancient GREEK world"... Seems legit.

[@AWOOGO]

Love this video. And the commentary. Hope for some more when game is updated

[@lw.1730]

You can guarantee a history lesson when you allow a man with a degree in classics to play a battle simulator featuring ancient forces.

[@rcm616-j5t]

lol this was so funny. I'd love to see a regular series of this

[@matthewwillis8248]

Yay I love Cambridge Latin Course references :p

[@LordRunolfrUlfsson]

(1:15) You realize you just added 100,000 (-1) of each side, not 10,000? (1:50) Well, there's what happens.

[@thomasturjancik7736]

The santas caught me off guard. I laughed so hard while sitting in silence (headphones) my landlady upstairs was probably like whaaat the hell is that guy doing down there

[@swanskababa515]

I love your "historic accuracy" man. Of course some regular roman soldiers with the bare minimum amount of armour and weapons should be able to beat Elite late medieval knights, WWII soldiers and pretty much everything else. They should just be given 1000 in every stat for as we know, Romans were more advanced than we are.

[@mrcheesemunch]

I really hope they add a lot in the way of tactics and stuff to this. Currently it's just units bash in to each other and you basically know the outcome already so you have to make your own fun. It's _brilliant_ idea for sure but it definitely needs a lot more added to it. Some sort of multiplayer mode would be awesome too, like you get a certain amount of points to buy however many units of various types and see if you can organize them in a way that leads to your victory. As it is now it is kinda bland after some time. Also they should add unicorns.

[@MrZombieZealot]

The Romans are a beautiful army who deserve better stats.

[@UncannySwan]

Tyler Nah.

[@thundersoul6795]

*better tactical AI Stats are fine.

[@stevethearcher8008]

You can change the stats in the customizer. And you can make everyone team 1.

[@miratia260]

I was feeling so depressed, but this video made me laugh so much. Thank you!

[@zuzeathebestest]

"The zombies are dropping faster however" *number of remaining zombies continues to rise*

[@lvl5Vaporeon]

5:10 The first battle of hoover dam. Minus boulder city.

[@gius8068]

lvl5Vaporeon Such a missed opportunity

[@danielbat9887]

"300" wasn't even meant to be a historical movie, it wasn't meant to tell the history of the Battle of Thermopylae, but the legend of the warrior culture of Sparta, as shown by the style and aesthetic. Also the story is told from the perspective of a Spartan, and as any good story-teller, he adds some razzle dazzle to spice things up.

[@kashimoreno4452]

This was more exciting than any sports game I've ever seen

[@user-hx1nr9ru1p]

Props on the Caecelius reference. Matella est in horto.

[@ManyATrueNerd]

NO. SHE WAS IN ATRIO. CLEMENS EST IN HORTO. GET OUT.

[@user-hx1nr9ru1p]

How could I be so stupid?

[@SirRaxos]

But where is Cerberus?

[@DannyMakesVideosIGuess]

I love how i know barely any Latin yet can pretty much decrypt this conversation because it's a relatively similar language to English and relates to a popular disaster.

[@DannyMakesVideosIGuess]

Well i mean Pompeii was as popular as a disaster could get, i guess. A 'famous disaster' would likely be more apt though

[@Thundahgolem]

The Romans here are all Scipii who don't try to build temples to Vulcan

[@gainsandgames4300]

When Jon talks about how from a history pov, the game is wrong, he sounds like Ulysses because history is all he talks about😂😂

[@aidendouglas8023]

Man you need to play more of this I love it!

[@thomasesr]

Orcs fighting for all that is good and decent and alive! Best reference ever!

[@sambongi6155]

you can ally factions in UEBS, jon! Btw I have to say that I am so glad to see this game on your channel! In addition: Carthagao Delenda Est.

[@Voidmaster05]

Woo! Sounds like Jon took the same Cambridge Latin Course I did! Latin Nerds rock!

[@tobywangaming351]

"Zombies are dropping faster." Jon the zombies have literally gained like 2000 units lol

[@Brizzle427]

this is like that "who would win" meme taken to a whole new level

[@pinifercollis136]

The Battle of Castle Tortoise... Rest in Peace, Honourable Men, Tortoises, and Orcs.. And a special mention to Orc Steve.

[@jaffapigs]

i died at the caecilius part lol

[@jatelitherius9842]

Plate armor was pretty fucking defensively powerful. With similar training, I'd take plated steel with a gambeson over bands of iron and a silly pike any day

[@SPACKlick]

You can select teams, you can also edit the health, speed and damage of any troop.

[@TaylorRussell833]

At the end when he said the ‘moral’ of this video he said it jokingly but it actually is genuinely useful if there’s a real zombie apocalypse

[@bigbadwolfie2159]

You should play The Sexy Brutale.

[@lanceuppercut6168]

He should, that'd be great! :D Everybody vote this guy up so Jon sees

[@ClaudeTheRed]

I really liked this video, i hope you make more, you really make it fun and interesting.

[@leonsamsworth9957]

More please. That was a lot of fun.

[@deenuk125]

Romans would have their arses handed to them there's a thousand years of technological advances in warfare..

[@Plainsburner]

one on one for sure. Though the Romans would've been able to field a much larger force due to their completely unsustainable method of recruitment that would eventually be one of the factors leading to their collapse.

[@Londronable]

I mean the numbers of soldiers Rome could bring was rather disturbingly large for it's time.

[@SirRaxos]

90,000 at the Battle of Cannae. Allegedly 150,000 at that sea battle in the First Punic War.

[@unsafevelocities5687]

Whereas getting 10,000 in the medieval period was difficult...

[@bighandsbeno1157]

Imagine listening to the commentary of this with no video and no context. You'd think Jon was on enough drugs to pacify a small nation.

[@supersasukemaniac]

I think the Roman soldier they use in UEBS is pre-Marion Reforms, it would make sence for a Principles to be weaker then say a Persian or a Spartan, since Principles where not more then the filthy rich, Roman Citizen, while the Persian Immortal had some training in military arts, and the Spartans ware essentially a warrior race. Also UEBS doesn't take Tactics into consideration, if the battles included Tactics, Rome would have a distinct advantage, but in a slugging match, I think the Spartan Hoplite is just a bit more tanky then a Roman Principles or Persian Immortal

[@BlameTheFrame]

sees 99999 MATN: lets have 20,000 of them go at it... Jon... Thats not 20,000... thats 200,000

[@Safetytrousers]

If the Romans were employing no tactics or formations as in this 'game' they probably would lose against medieval knights.

[@Grumpydrawer]

Well late medieval knights (which the ones in this game look like)did have thicker armour than the romans. So I could definetly see them winning a fight against Romans. Not counting superior roman battle tactics of course...not that this game really models tactics.

[@MaxwellAerialPhotography]

the default settings in this game have the spartans having nearly double the health attack and speed of al other ancient units and the romans are dreadfully underpowered. you can change all of these settings in the battle menu and make custom units or individual hero soldiers. also, if you want various units to team up, set them to being or the same team number.

[@Schneeregen_]

Juilianus the Killer would probably love a vacation at Tortoise Palace

[@EightThreeEight]

Everybody always underestimates the power of the zombies in this game.

[@shadowfragment]

It is interesting to see that because the 'enemy killed' number of the zombies outnumbers the total number of zombies, and every kill by a zombie creates another zombie, if they couldn't replenish their numbers they would have been wiped out. They created over 10k new zombies to keep themselves going.

[@atreides213]

Yep, the Persians never won any war. They just got that largest-empire-in-the-world-up-to-that-time giftwrapped and handed to them on a silver platter. Yes sirree.

[@eldon9735]

atreides213 You sound triggered

[@liquid_salad9792]

You can make teams by assigning each force to "team (insert number here)" I believe? Not sure but i know you can have allied forces go against another and not just a free for all. Please do more!!!

[@goldeneyekiller101]

Please do this again. I really enjoyed this. At least do 2 or 3 more episodes. A mini series if you will.

[@TonyGiannamore]

I would love to see another video of this! I laughed so hard!

[@jarvisthejackal2418]

" Today's weather: Mostly sunny with some sun " Wait, what?

[@supersasukemaniac]

also when it comes to historic accuracy, The Battle of Thermopile Pass, while it's constantly romanticized as the Last Stand of the 300. That is only 1/3 true. The Greek forces at Thermopile after the retreat to Athens was called for totaled 300 Spartans, 400 Athenians and 700 Thebans. They where still well out numbered and it was amazing they lasted as long as they did, Historic accounts say they went about a day and a half, maybe two. The popular accounts saying it was only the 300 Spartans, and they lasted for three straight days is absolute Bull.