ADHD and sex | Sorry, I Missed This

[@loriallen67]

Thank you for giving me the vocabulary I needed. Intimacy is not the same as sex. This is what I’ve been trying to grasp. I couldn’t put it in words. Thank you.

[@SBavailablehandle]

This info was eye opening and made me appreciate my wife even more than I already do. I've struggled through these issues most of my life thinking I was just inconsiderate and rude even though I cared so much. It ate away at me and my relationships each day in my interactions as I strive to be a better leader, companion and friend. I felt like I had to be a robot or be a chaotic wreck. Thank you for creating this content.

[@UnderstoodOrg]

You are so welcome!

[@jennamarie2481]

Okay but, when I tell my partner that I'd like to be "X" way, that just sets them up for disappointment bc I've never been able to change anything in my life, just build different coping mechanisms. Then it's this constant cycle of me disappointing them.....

[@nfboogaard]

Yay, thanks for continuing the talk, very excited to broaden my understanding.

[@milesbailey4173]

as someone with ADHD intimacy can be an interesting thing. When me and my boyfriend have sex i'm usually ALWAYS the one to break up the flow of it. I'll crack a joke, hold a conversation that is so far away from having sex lol. Sex absolutely feels like a task for me I have to find ways to break the flow. Typical neurodivergent having to buck the regular structure of things lol. Thankfully my partner is used to my unpredictability haha. I will say though, intimacy through sex for me and my partner has been beneficial because theres no pressure, and its an experience that we're sharing together. That makes it feel much safer and secure, allowing for true intimacy, vulnerability.

[@Juju-ew4zh]

Thanks for the very informative film

[@UnderstoodOrg]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@phillipkenney2540]

6 to 7 years old As a kid my add/adha it was hard i dont want to say to tell the difference between sex and love (side note hyper sex..) but yeah it sucks when your so lost in the world relationships are hard, as a young man it was a run around trying to get that dope fix if sex drug alcohol fights most people even when i try to tell them dont understand or just tell me its me i can change and i did for a while then bam back in that rut of not knowing and not understanding something and then spiral family try hard all the time to help but it weird to feel that stuff when u are like that but im just rambling

[@christinesass]

As the non ADHD partner I just listened to this and couldn't follow what anyone was trying to say 😂

[@timlytle8254]

😢

[@JaguarZewFlow]

😅 Welcome in our world ;)

[@tomfilipiak690]

Putting it on the ADHD/high desire person to raise the desire of the lower desire person is asking too much. The low desire person is having their needs met. The high desire person (ADHDer) is already working overtime in the relationship! Making them work even harder seems very unfair to me. I think you need to flip the question and ask; What can the lower desire person do to change to meet the higher desire person's needs? High desire persons will NEVER get their needs met if you let the lower desire person control and have total say over what happens. I know because my desire is vastly higher for touch and sex than what my wife needs or wants. Even after telling her that, she still does not get there for me. I don't dare make suggestions for improvement for her. She would dismiss it quickly and change the subject! And sex is sex...Anything else...is NOT sex. (And not just intercourse or the other same old same old that she wants or needs...) Sex is touch.

[@UnderstoodOrg]

Thanks so much for sharing your POV! We're glad you are here.

[@BirchBabe]

This is me and my husband, though we both have ADHD. There does have to be a middle ground where both partners work to meet, i agree. Thank you for this insight.

[@Blitz1276]

100% this.

[@spindash2023]

Maybe I'm just not getting it, but I watched this whole thing and there's so many things I don't agree with, or again maybe I just don't understand. I kept hearing over and over again, "what can someone do to help with X situation: just learn more about ADHD." which is pretty vague and not helpful. I guess my biggest disagreement is in regards to the desire discrepancy portion. It sounds like there's way more work for the high desire person to do than the low desire person, to the extent that they'll be jumping through hoops just to maybe possibly raise the mood of their partner. . That doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic, and risks setting both of them up for disappointment. All of this followed up with, "you can also just not have sex, have you thought about that?" feels so biased towards asexuality. I'm glad that works for you, and I totally agree that there's more to intimacy than sex, but sex is a part of intimacy too. And this portion was about Desire Discrepancy and ways to deal with it, and newsflash - we're already experiencing the not having sex option, so that suggestion isn't helpful.

[@jakenameson5422]

I get what you're pointing at there, and it threw me for a minute as well. But it came across to me much more in the vein of 'learn more about *your individual partner*' and since this is a discussion about ADHD, learning about the neurotype in general and how others handle it helps build the foundations for that conversation. The author and host here are experts, but relationships aren't like tuning a carburetor or something; the specific, actionable advice that makes things wonderful for one partnership is often not transferable, or even downright detrimental, to others. If learning and talking to one another doesn't improve certain conditions in a relationship that one partner dislikes and another doesn't even notice, it might be a compatibility problem that no amount of outside intervention can correct, and certainly not a problem that can be tackled in podcast form.

[@MrMBSonic]

Yes, it's problematic, that's why I have an open relationship with my wife. Surprisingly, my wife's idea was and it works great.

[@LUVBUG24K]

Oh just wait… lol

[@RyanWehinger]

I'm done- I'm going to sleep... Wait, I found this crushed Adderall...

[@RyanWehinger]

Or, thanks for helping me finally get some good sleep.

[@rampaginwalrus]

I take adderall so that i can go to sleep at all. If you take like 5mg and immediately lay down and try to fall asleep, you'll sleep extremely well.

[@Runkies]

What is this non ADHD partner you speak of ?

[@dorhocyn3]

How about a carrot, with a bend in it for a snack …. Arg …. That add during the Olympics. So glad our kids learned something other than just athletics during the Olympics.