I Lost My Wife To Suicide

[@k8tina]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband (a USAF veteran) in June 2023 to suicide by firearm. I can relate to many things you have expressed. You are very brave to share your story and experience. I hope you are able to continue healing and helping others through sharing your experience. I'm still having a difficult time with the grieving process but knowing I'm not alone in this experience has been helpful. Thank you again for sharing! 💜

[@AshSham11]

Sorry to hear that.... Sending big hugs from #Switzerland ❤

[@kimberlykv4313]

I'm very sorry that this happened to you. You're an asset to the world.

[@CrustyUgg]

If anyone is wondering.. the pills she was abusing at the beginning when she couldn't say it without it being bleeped out is ambien.

[@IndigoCave28]

Ambien is gnarley. I can’t believe they prescribe half the garbage they do. In particular, ambian does messed up things to the brain.

[@elizabeth_g2236]

Thank u - I thot it was Ativan - benzos are straight from hell - I unfortunately kno

[@karenmiller2785]

You should do public speaking about this &Ted Talks

[@lovelyshirl]

Alicia, I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss. Suicide leaves so much struggle and pain behind, and the healing journey can be brutal. You're strong, brave, resilient. I wish you much happiness and love going foward in your life.

[@bevanbuckwheatshea5520]

Thank you for sharing this. So very sorry for your loss of your beautiful wife.

[@fancyglam8675]

I lost my brother October 2023 to a self inflicted GSW. I'm still living in trauma fog. I related to everything you said. Thank you for sharing your story.❤

[@livmarlin4259]

He was too handsome to die!

[@kenwalters4858]

Sorry for your loss, I lost my brother to suicide 2022, it's something I can't get over been in therapy ever since, people don't realize they end their problem but give new problems to all their loved ones. My brother was also my best friend, I retired in '21 and may brother would be retired now. Not a day goes buy I don't think of him. I looked forward to retirement for so long and just don't enjoy it, even hope my life does not have many years left. We both enjoyed similar things like boating, but now I just want to get rid of it. My brother was into nice performance cars he had Corvette; I bought a new Mustang GT about 2 months before his suicide, never got to show him the car and have no interest in it and want to do the same with it as my boat. Him doing that really messed up my life, I wonder how his children can live with it. He would have become a grandfather two months ago. People think about what you are going to do to your loved one before making the choice of ending your pain, since you will be giving that pain to so many others. My brother could have got the help he needed for depression but made a selfish decision that he would be better off dead. I just can't get over what he has done and never will.

[@engelienmulder260]

@@kenwalters4858 I am so sorry for your loss. Lots of people who commit suicide think that the people around them are better of when they end their life.

[@JanSkaggs]

I will repeat what I said in the chat. I am a born again believer in Jesus. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God gives you peace and that you feel His unconditional love for you! 🙏🕊❤️

[@tammyhall1008]

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS..BIG BIG TIME!! I’ve suffered with depression most of my life thank goodness for medication!! But I can say IM A HAPPY GIRL❤

[@mpat100]

blessings for you

[@tammyhall1008]

@@mpat100 TY!!!

[@JohnSmith-wi4xo]

Nice that she had friends and a community willing to keep her company when she was going through the aftermath. The few times I've tried reaching out to friends or family for help during dark times I've been ignored. It's a really sad world.

[@sylviacarlson3561]

It's so interesting to me because I felt like you were having a conversation with just me. You are a beautiful soul Alicia....helping others is where it's at. God Bless you and I pray for your continued healing in dealing with a loss no one should have to go through. Take care

[@lebluedragon3]

There are no words, really! But It is beautiful what you have done with this utter tragedy, by turning it around and offering your presence and life for others, to try and prevent other such tragedies! May you be truly blessed in your life, love and work. And may your wife have found the freedom and peace she sought. 💛

[@teresafraser3049]

I'm not understanding the significance of censoring important words on KZbin????? It doesn't make sense in today's society!! It's not the 1950's anymore!!!

[@Blu778]

So sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences

[@Mamaofaprincess]

One of my best friends who was dealing with depression on and off all his life, took a trip to Grand Canyon this year in April, came back home and took his life. The pain is real. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@Jazzy.girl.Sarah2023]

I'm so sorry for your loss. So tragic.

[@greendragon4058]

I'm so sorry for your loss I'm a veteran too I work a lot with veterans I hope you're in a better place and your healing❤ thank you so much for your story you are one strong lady

[@wingnutfamily9869]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have serious personal alone issues. I hate this loneliness 😢

[@angalmeida29]

Prayers for you to always be safe and protected !

[@teresafraser3049]

Whomever is offended by the words.... Alcoholic... Drug user.... Sexual abuse etc....should not be listening period.

[@anttony80]

U will find love again girl….your a warrior keep her name alive

[@jessparsons8515]

I’m so sorry to hear your loss don’t forget that your Awsome x

[@MK-he1jz]

My dad died on Aug 17th. Diff year. Prayers

[@heidihesketh3927]

I am sorry for your loss.

[@majorphenom1]

Thanks for sharing 🙏🏾 Condolences 🙏🏾 Prayers out for them and those trying to recover from their loved ones passing 🕊️ Prayers out for those struggling with mental health 🕊️

[@alwayzsoblue]

All the stages that you had said I truly went through the same thing with the friends, the loneliness, the pet you can't function correctly afterward. You couldn't function at work I Couldn't either alright, I had quit my job. You lost your wife. I lost my son and I'm truly sorry for your loss. But I know exactly how you feel

[@hqx5977]

Alicia the breaks my heart. I met my ex online. Since we split I’ve been suicidal. I’ve always struggled with depression but hid it and was told I was broken. I’ve kept on fighting getting better jobs etc but I am severely depressed lost my ex lost my job my cars breaking I’m on medication and in therapy my money is going down. I live back with my parents I’m 30.

[@JohnSmith-wi4xo]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can really relate. Since breaking up with my ex months ago I've been suicidal. It's relentless.

[@bransonbeattie3441]

I'm so sorry 😢. I lost my 14 year old son. Crippling. I get you ❤

[@Boricua..4]

My sincerest condolences to you ❤❤

[@angalmeida29]

Prayers for you to be hugged with love

[@StacyMcGinnis-h4t]

Sorry for your loss my mom took her life 1-1-24 and it broke my heart I'm still trying my best to deal with it but it's so hard for me. I was very close to my mom.

[@mpat100]

blessings and strength for you

[@gloriabebop5313]

So sorry for your loss, hold on to the precious memories ❤

[@wingnutfamily9869]

I'm so sorry 😢

[@ronihalfon9720]

I'm sorry for your loss😢

[@dimitrakapa4887]

Im sorry....suicide isnt easy to deal with...

[@deedeewinfrey3181]

Sometimes, the meds. they put you on makes you feel worse. I've been there. I've contemplated suicide because sometimes life gets overwhelming. The pain and the stress get to be too much. You feel like there's no way out. Death seems like finally you will have peace. No more expectations from others, no more disappointment when you can't make everyone happy. No more complaints. Just peace we want peace. I lost friends to suicide and it still hurts me years later. I understand your pain. I'm glad you found love again. Most of all I hope you find peace. Keep moving forward.

[@annetnabuyondo7607]

Same,I just don't have a gun but am almost there,finally some peace from non-existence

[@kaylenebowen937]

So sorry for your loss. May you find peace.

[@angelcoalson9117]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@winonakitto6151]

No words can sound as full as my heart feels for you. I’m the mom of a son who died by gun violence at the hands of two 16 year olds, (he was 17) He was as a hurting soul too, and when someone dies who was hurting, we reminisce on their sadness, and our grief for them can debilitate us if we allow it to. I’ve been on one prescription, adhd meds, for over 20 years, and the biggest epiphany I’ve realized is, despite the good things I could do on them, they left me not needing anyone or anything, what a lie they are. Then trying to live w/o them, I become an unmotivated, self hating statue…yet I’m determined to get off of them for life…. The way you’ve moved forward is motivating, I love your line of tees, and the message on them, a legacy of the love you and your wife knew, and the love for life so many of us so desperately want to feel day in and day out. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. It is a very important one.

[@sherriezack4259]

Thanku for sharing I've struggled a lot for mnths n been in a really dark place

[@SM12457]

How are you feeling now?

[@rickiericktv3320]

Oh wow! Sorry for your loss. Our wedding date is 8/17/08 🙏🏿

[@janellchavira916]

Sry 4 your loss...u seem like a great person, gobless!

[@millriverfarm]

can we stop censoring words that are for adults just like the rest of your channel....

[@justmeashley7923]

It’s cause KZbin will flag the video and they won’t get paid

[@Bucky_Winchester]

As already said, it's not the channels fault. They can get demonitized or penalized if they break YTs rules.

[@maryannbernardi7508]

Does censoring the words really matter?? I mean that's not even the point..just listen

[@Nimue333]

I hate the censorship 😡😡 You should upload the videos to Odysee

[@michelebeuttel3289]

Mental health is affected so much by not just cultural stigma, but by the culture itself. I’ll be honest as a male health, professional prescribing anything like Adderall to someone with any type of trauma in their history, is unethical, and that doctor should be accountable for contributing to the loss of your partner, it is a pharmaceutical methamphetamine, and when you give that to someone that already has hyper vigilance, anxiety, depression, and the type of history you briefly described it should never have happened.

[@KennethRachel-xi7dv]

You as a human being are totally awesome I love you're aura ❤️ I hope you are ok and I'm so sorry about you're loss 😔

[@IndigoCave28]

You are so strong. Great call on the dog!!

[@user-yn9mx7xu1r]

BPD is a major risk factor un-aliving oneself.

[@MooooonDemon]

you can see the anguish on her face

[@xxjlamariexx]

It looks like she’s saying ambien.

[@IndigoCave28]

Yes

[@Martha-LaMexa]

So sorry for your loss. So sorry about some of these stupid comments.❤

[@PootyDaPlaciD]

Thank you for your story. Right now im in a situation where i am interested in someone who lost her fiancé in december of 2022 to suicide... She showed interest in me for the first 6 to 7 months since oct of 2023.... but then backed away because she felt guilt. We do continue to talk but its a bit different. It has its ups and downs. Just been trying to learn how to navigate around her because i do have true feelings for her but also dont want to scare her away completely with my feelings for her. Its been hard and confusing for me but she is worth my patience and my support. Do i continue to show love and support and patience for us to grow more than what it is? Or do i pull away and give her space? I dont want to be overbearing as well. Im just confused on how to handle the situation and hoping i can get some kind of insight on how to navigate with this. hmmmm..

[@Radmountainbiking59]

I went through similar times. Medication and therapy sessions don't help. I watch videos like this and think is life really worth it?

[@gloriabebop5313]

@fredsmith4438 life is worth it, never give up when it's a struggle remember you are never alone, lot's of people go thru down periods in life, but life is worth the fight

[@urbansetter1]

Its the disconnect from self from trauma that causes the ideation. Its a long hard road connecting to self and then building relationships. It cptsd or ptsd and its really difficult to heal. BPDs suffer a lot of childhood trauma. Self abandonment. A huge disconnect. Its very sad for the person who survives the suicide. The one who dies by suicide is suffering deeply and usually for quite sometime. Borderline is an incredibly painful illness usually from childhood sexual abuse and severe trauma. Its all very sad

[@jenniferthompson6280]

so sorry for your loss..

[@wintersj85]

"Unfiltered Stories" ...

[@plumdutchess]

Blame KZbin

[@kaylenebowen937]

Stay strong love, stay strong

[@hqx5977]

They think I have adhd too. They want to swap my meds.

[@natashaelizabeth3658]

so much for honoring her children as their stepmother… they lost their mom just like you lost your wife, except you’ve moved on and they aren’t able to just replace her like that.

[@rizzwifey05]

I was thinking the same thing

[@plumdutchess]

Except that her wife had a falling out wit the children. We don't know what their relationship was like. It may have already been strained. Sometimes the children don't want contact with the ex step parrent anymore. I've seen this happen to people around me. We don't know, so stop judging.

[@natashaelizabeth3658]

@@plumdutchess i actually do know, the children are my best friends so……..

[@Nimue333]

That background music 😱😱😱😱

[@kyleenoldham6242]

It definently looks like Ambien for the censored word.

[@mistyjomay6272]

That's what I thought too

[@ginsengfool]

So sorry for your loss. Is it Unfiltered Stories that chooses to blur her face?! So unnecessary

[@joany11swatch14]

Please take the background music off. It’s not only annoying but it’s not needed.

[@ivacvrk5558]

Vicodin,censored word here is Vicodin!

[@plumdutchess]

*Ambien

[@sandrapalmer4354]

🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏

[@DKIkard]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@standingfortruth4043]

Seek out Jesus in prayer. He loves you and will take away all the pain and sadness. I know how heavy it is, i fought depression for years unsucessfully.. medications nor therapy don't help because depression is spiritual and you can't fight it off with physical treatments. When i came to Christ He lifted off all the heaviness and not just that but gave me peace and hapiness which i never felt in my life. True peace and true hapiness, also otherwordly warmth of pure love. Since then i never felt suicidal again and depression didn't came back. So in order to be free you have to understand depression as it is - spiritual battle. And that battle we can't fight with our own physical weapons and strenght. We need Jesus who will fight it off for us, just let him do it. Make a first step reach out to Him and accept Him into your heart. He will set you free and give you joy peace and love ❤ God bless you and protect you, know that you are precious and do not give up on yourself ❤

[@MelissaRider-id5zo]

Jesus loves you by the way ❤

[@elisamartinez3881]

She was on drugs ? And you were scared to be around them after she passed?

[@MrsGump]

I think it's was alcohol she asked the cop to take away

[@plumdutchess]

​@@MrsGump Yep, definitely alcohol.

[@Radmountainbiking59]

I'm not sure I've ever heard of "rescuing" a dog from a "breeder". I'm just a bit curious.

[@plumdutchess]

Most definitely a situation where they need to be rescued from. A lot of times breeders overdo it with their dogs. Animals get rescued from situations like that every single day.

[@elisamartinez3881]

So she was on weed adderal and klonopin did i hear that right

[@BloodQueenoftheDamned]

So she was a pill popper

[@millriverfarm]

big Colorado energy. "the springs" is an evil place

[@BrittanyHunter-f6w]

I felt it when I visited…something is very off there…

[@jbaby007]

Yeah it was like number 5 in the country for suicides at one point. Heavy with meth labs too back in the day

[@BB-0804]

Colorado Springs, CO is evil??? Why?

[@christiangasior4244]

“Unfiltered” lol yeah righf

[@Occupied_South]

Where's the wife.

[@SuhailAlJunaibiGCC]

Read the Quran sister. Talk to God. You will find Peace.

[@Yamezzzz]

That won't help, she needs to read the sacred and holy Vedas. The truth, written 2000 years before the Quran. I'm kidding, but it's a little bit of a coincidence that Mr Al Junaibi thinks Islam is the "correct" religion. Closer to Scientology or Mormonism lmao Don't spread your brainwashing to other people and other people will leave you alone to live your life too. It's extra funny when your silly book advocates for the stoning to death of women for adultery, which will bring peace to sisters. I understand you aren't going to change when your religion locks you in by making apostasy = death.

[@Yamezzzz]

Why was this the related videos when I ended up on a weird 70s German porno which shouldn't be on KZbin in the first place? That's how I got here. Clicked in disbelief.

[@doloreswinsbarrow1110]

Sorry for ur lost, but that relationship was an abomination unto the LORD.

[@proudblackwoman4824]

People like YOU are the reason this world is the way that it is. Go repent honey. You need it.

[@rainingonyourcharade]

The only abomination here is this comment. What a foul thing to say.

[@wanya_telborn]

God is the only one that can judge And a true Christian would never say that to this woman

[@a_ghost]

Your grammar is an abomination Dolores!

[@darkangel7589]

Oh, leave them be

[@lynnpressley9992]

How gay

[@Proverbs--tx6yr]

Im sympathetic to your loss of someone you loved, but marriage is between a man and a woman no matter what the world says..Blessings

[@plumdutchess]

Aww, sweetie.

[@deannarounds3295]

Legally that is not true and not all of us believe as you do. Me? I left the Catholic church when the priests were molesting children yet they are still here .

[@maryannbernardi7508]

​@@plumdutchessYou need to get your unsympathetic ass off of posts like these, listen elsewhere if this is so offensive to you.

[@roythomasful]

You probably should be saying that you lost a friend. There is no way that you as a woman could be a husband. Do you think she sank into depression and death only because of medications? A young child could well be looking at you, for the physical evidence that a man possesses. Do you think you could be introducing CONFUSION?

[@kaci-leeiles6825]

That was her wife

[@plumdutchess]

You have some major issues yourself. Deal with those, before telling others to do so.

[@demetricejernigan]

I’m sooooo sorry to hear this I be telling people that your mind 😢is very much play a big role I use to be in that same thoughts

[@x4at197]

13:10 You should really consider adding purchasing a mirror so I can see just how ridiculous my hair looks to the “where I’m at now…” portion of the video

[@lindachaney5092]

I do not understand the reason for the hair..she is pretty but that makes her appear to be mentally ill

[@slevinchannel7589]

The Kindness this video means to signal and that seems to resonate with you: how shallow or how deep is it? Im 26 now and LITERALLY have nothing to live for but if that's as wrooong as all suicide stories ever declare it to be, then surely this can be tested, no? I can ask a zero-money-cost and near-zero-effort-cost thing in a Matter that really bothers me @k8tina