Ask Nick - Second Guessing My Wedding | The Viall Files w/ Nick Viall

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode with a written Ask Nick. Then we get to our callers…
Our first caller just got laid off and is having second thoughts about her wedding. Our second caller is expecting, but doesnt know how to tell her sister (who was happy she miscarried prior). And, our third caller wants to cut her grandma off.
“Let’s figure out what the real truth of the situation is.”
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[@fhay1]

Women do not need to have a single reason as to why they don’t want to change their name. 👏🏻 it’s a double standard in society. Hyphenating can be a great fit for people to keep their identity and include their partner. But at the end of the day, marrying someone doesn’t mean a woman should be expected to give up her identity. It’s such a complicated issue for no reason. Imagine if the roles were reversed

[@samanthajones7938]

I didn’t change my name until about 4 months after getting married because there’s just so much to do- and my father in law told my husband that it was a huge red flag that I didn’t do it sooner 😅 changing the name should definitely be a personal choice and without double standards.

[@alexisrichardsonhair]

😂 wow, 4 months is like damn near immediately in the grand scheme of spending the rest of your lives together

[@seven92023]

If she doesn't want to change her name then she shouldn't get the commitment from him. He should make her single.

[@cindicleee]

❤

[@Badnewsfeminist]

Didn’t think I’d have to listen to such a misogynistic rant first thing in the podcast.

[@Ryanh1010]

Anyone else kinda glad there was no Natalie or Ciara on this episode so we didnt get the annoying baby talk? lol

[@crystalhaiku]

YES! 👏

[@TheStezo83]

SAME!!!

[@leavemealone7751]

The name change conversation grosses me out. My mom never changed her name and she and my dad are married over 30 years and they had three kids, it's not a problem at all. It is a vestige of the patriarchy, as evidenced by Nick's reaction to taking Natalie's name. Live your life how you want, but don't act like it's soooo much more complicated as a family to have the mom keep her name.

[@ufash7]

Amen exactly. 11 years married. Still have my birth last name. No issues…

[@ebstudio9525]

Girl, KEEP YOUR NAME ❤

[@fhay1]

If he wants the same name, why doesn’t he just change his name to match hers

[@alisonhall6923]

Married for 11 years, never changed my last name. Kids have my husband's last name. Never been an issue ever. Travelling, government documents, hotel stays, renting cars. None issue.

[@arianagonza8]

Same.

[@Jordroz]

Same. He has a terrible take on this situation, but refuses to believe that 😂

[@cbradymolly22]

My mom has been married for 42 years and never changed her name. I've been married for 11 years and never changed my name. It's a feminist thing for me. Our kids have my husband's name. Never been a problem. No one cares. Normalize all married last name choices. ❤

[@alexcoyg3281]

People stay in marriages for a long time, its not a great "quality" example, why you went for time instead of "Perfect/Happy/Ideal" to describe the marriage in the first place?

[@leavemealone7751]

@@alexcoyg3281 God you are disgusting, you don't even know this lady or her mom and you're judging their marriages off of your weird, lonely nonsense? Get a grip

[@Valerie-co8th]

​@@alexcoyg3281 Because people like you will respond "give it a few years" or "if you have to say it's happy and healthy it's not" lol. So people just try to explain something. I also didn't take my wonderful husband who I have a phenomenal marriage with that has been happy for nearly 20 years last name. But then decided to hyphenate then he surprised me and did the same.

[@alexcoyg3281]

@@Valerie-co8th im sure your marriage is Phenomenal, but as things stand statistically half of marriages fail and half of others are based on lies,im glad you are so happy you need to prove it to others on Comments

[@amberl6160]

Did Natalie really cheat on Nick? Have they addressed the rumour?

[@kiss.creates]

Whaaat??? There’s no way. Where did you hear this?

[@karlabc9251]

He wont

[@mmeshke]

@@kiss.creates the only reason I give it credibility is of how nick has changed his stance on infidelity. He used to say that those are people “of low character” and now he mentions “you never know why people cheat, it could be their way of dealing with childhood trauma” which Natalie has alluded to. No way they will directly address it though.

[@monicavancleve915]

@miam436joy isn’t her last name

[@0104blackpearl]

@@mmeshkeinteresting point I noticed that he use to be hard on cheaters

[@sds9966-m4x]

Married for 12 years with two kids and never changed my name. We haven't had one experience where someone 'hasn't know we are married' or had to explain ourselves. It's really not that hard

[@andthebranchbecomes]

Hyphenating her name only is not a compromise. He is unwilling to compromise. Women should not be the only one expected to change their last name

[@ufash7]

Married 11 years, we have our first daughter, still not changing my last name. I find no point. We are married, we are a family, why does a last name need to also be changed to prove that? So far no issues. If people want to call us by my husbands last name I don’t care. But legally I’m still me. Totally understand the identity part that the caller mentioned. My last name is me. He fell in love with me. Also he doesn’t have the biggest connection with his father with whom he got his last name from, I have a huge relationship with my dad. Why change to change? If you want to then awesome, if you don’t then awesome as well. Personally I am seeing it become more normal for a woman to not change her last name.

[@livingroomforus]

lol it's totally about ownership

[@alexcoyg3281]

That is how you see it, it is not if you love the person and if both people LOVE each other they will find a compromise that will be great for both

[@karlabc9251]

8:53 in Latin America we use both last names. Dad’s first mom’s second. As the daughter gets married she adds husbands name followed by dads and drops moms last name. So really the moms/woman’s always gets dropped.

[@princessjenn93]

My mom always kept both her paternal and maternal last names after she married my dad! I have both their last names and intend to keep them when I get married. My kids (if I have any) will have my husband’s last name and my paternal last name. Unfortunately it’d be way too long to give them both of my last names 😂

[@debbie7608]

I hyphenated my name because I’m on my second marriage & I had 2 kids with my first husband & I wanted to share a name with both my kids & my current husband. Both my husband & I felt that it was a good compromise.

[@kirahamilton7755]

I feel like Nick completely ignored the feelings of the caller with the nasty grandma. His whole advice was based on the assumption that grandma is always rude because of trauma she faced. Drawing conclusions on assumptions doesn’t work and people don’t have a right to treat others poorly because they had past trauma. Sometimes people are just awful, nasty people and they don’t deserve to be in your life. Grandmas don’t get a free pass to act horribly because they are old.

[@nicnac777]

Holy shit. Stop saying writer inner. “Listener write in” or something like that.

[@Badnewsfeminist]

Or literally just “writer”

[@Goddess_Jade]

I agree hyphenated names are awful. Mine was hyphenated when i was born, i changed it immediately when i was able to.. starting in grade school i just started choosing the last name i was comfortable with.

[@nafafonafafofo]

You gotta find someone that has the same last name. Thats the way to go. (My last name is Thompson. My husbands last name is Thomson. I kept the P. It’s great!)

[@rhi6010]

The hyphenated name take is such a bad one 😂

[@natashahernandez9200]

I hear the call outs y’all have about hyphenating names. However, not everyone goes into it trying to be a “Karen” or “prove a point” sometimes it is sentimental. I hyphenated. But I go by my husbands last name on everything and our children go by just his last name. It was just something for me and sentimental to myself for my family. I did not ask him to take the name too. So just putting that out there, just so we don’t generalize people who do that.

[@jennyonthecoast]

No corporation or company in general is going to tell you why you were terminated. Best to reflect and move forward

[@acd1168]

I was always told whenever I got terminated. I always got a letter explaining why. It sounds like she worked at a shitty company

[@assyrianprincess3]

But if that were true, couldn't you just sue them for wrongful termination?

[@Jordroz]

@@assyrianprincess3no - California is an "at-will" employment state, which means that employers can terminate employees for almost any reason, or no reason at all, and at any time, as long as it's not illegal. So just being generally bad at your job can get you fired in any at will state.

[@miltonkorie]

I think I have some good insight on nick’s suggestion for the name compromise. At most companies, you cannot keep your non-legal last name “socially” (or really in this context, professionally) because your work name will follow your legal name on your W2. I tried to keep my maiden name at work & it was changed because legally, per my tax documents, my name had changed. I’m not sure if there was an opportunity to push back to retain my old email- to be so fair, I did not try. It wasn’t a huge deal to me personally. Thought that might be helpful to the writer-in-er!

[@jessicacrain1698]

I was coming here to comment this!

[@kenna_rich]

Drink every time Nick says “yada yada” in this ep 😂

[@theAMYDIAMOND]

lol he also loves saying "à la ____"

[@mmeshke]

I would be shitfaced by 9am.

[@meftahi84]

It hurts my ears now 😂

[@TheStezo83]

We'd all have alcohol poisoning 30 min in

[@alexisrichardsonhair]

Omg I know right!? I was thinking did nick just watch that episode of Seinfeld for the first time last night?!😂

[@janecooney9156]

It comes down to this. If the guy is not willing to change his name to hers, he has no right to ask her to change her name to his. The tradition of changing names is rooted in possession and a time when women were property of their husband, not an equal partner, and if that connotation bothers you, you should not be forced to change your name. I am a bit sentimental, and when I married the first time, I changed my name. When I divorced and changed my name back to my maiden name it felt like coming home to my real identity. When I married the second time, I kept my name. I've been married for 20 years, have 2 kids, and have had no issues. If someone calls me Mrs. Husbandsname, I do not get angry - I love my husband and kids, and that is their name. But I also liked it when people made a point of using the correct name because it helps kids understand that there are options.

[@madibailey7392]

First writer inner should not change their name and i want them to know they don’t have to even explain themselves! It’s an antiquated tradition that you do not have to take part in. I planned to just add on a second last name after I got married, but then when it came time to do it I just didn’t want to. I am very close to my family and consider them to be a huge part of my identity. I have degrees and childhood reasons for wanting to keep my name too but none of that even mattered when I realized I simply don’t want to change it. I do want kids though so not sure what I’ll do when that time comes.

[@ufash7]

We have a child and I still won’t change it. It’s my identity.

[@DakkenandAnnaBedore]

Drink every time Nick says "yada yada yada" this episode :D

[@maddythor5632]

My husband and I combined and both of us have a two name last name, but it’s not hyphenated. I was not willing to give my last name up and this was our compromise.

[@andthebranchbecomes]

Also many cultures have hyphenated last names-it’s not annoying

[@Pop_Culture_Podcast]

For us it is important that we are now one family, one name.

[@ruthdahl5551]

Too many yada yada yadas! Really bad habit it gets annoying

[@arianagonza8]

I have been married almost 12 years, and have never changed my last name. Have 3 kids and have not issue at all. Our kids have dad’s last name, and my name comes as is in the birth certificate. No issue.

[@catherineritch6241]

Nick your brothers from another mother would be: Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, and Shawn ( bachelor) 😂 Look alikes

[@erikao3982]

Keep 🎉 your 🎉 name 🎉 I was going to change mine until I looked into how annoying it would be to change so many things. So I just didn’t do it and haven’t had any problem in six years

[@AlexandraLemley]

My mom had her her last name hyphenated in the early 80s because her parents are Dutch she did not want to give up her last name, I loved it growing up and I wish I had both names and not just my dad‘s name.. Have any an issue with two last names is such an American culture issue in other countries it’s extremely normal to have both parents last names because it’s a joining of two families

[@TT-vx2wr]

All birth certificates use the mother’s maiden name regardless. Because my husband and I were married and I had officially changed my name but my maiden name is still listed on our children’s birth certificates. Which I think is kind of cool because my kids can always see my maiden name. I live in Pennsylvania, so maybe it’s different in other states?

[@madibailey7392]

Justin’s solution would make more sense as a 2 last name situation. Like instead of Lois Lane-Bartholomew, it’s Lois Lane Bartholomew. Hyphenating creates 1 new name and you can’t use either or.

[@arianagonzalez3058]

In professional settings, you really can’t just do that with last names. Companies need your legal last name, not your “social” last name

[@heather-hi1vu]

The only good episodes now are the ask Nick the other ones are trash now that the good people have left

[@melissamadrid1981]

I work in the medical field and the last name thing can be a mess. People forget they used a hyphenated name or they forget which name they used/use. They are under one name for their insurance and another name with the doctor. In addition to another name on their license. It becomes too complicated and frustrating.

[@autumnmorningsky1622]

Nick, you came off SO poorly this episode. Address the rumors because it is so very clearly affecting you and clouding your advice.

[@andreegodbout868]

Mind your business and worry about your own life.

[@JudyWilhelm-yh7nj]

I think hyphenated names shows respect to your spouse.

[@claudiapawlak6894]

The way your dressed for work & how much the Company brings in. Employees in some Companies cannot date or be married. One spouse can be employed. The cooperation in some Ethnics is backward to the old country. Where is corporate for the educated that can work ? When two people could have made a go of it, but was not acknowledged . Bringing illegitimate children into this world is a woman's decision . When your father comments " this is your sister's boyfriend " . From the tavern . The unbalance in mental therapy is needed . How some people are over domineering , to get their way. Freedom Prevails !

[@alexcoyg3281]

Fireworks being illegal is nuts😅

[@Urmomlovesyoutube]

That’s what it’s like in places where wildfires ruin entire communities. 🤷🏼

[@erikao3982]

Not after you live through a million fire seasons in So Cal

[@alexcoyg3281]

@@erikao3982 yes true

[@alexcoyg3281]

You don't have to change your name, but deep down ask yourself why? Is it because you lost your father and want to keep a piece of him with you or because you just married someone to get that weight of social pressure of your back and tell your mom:"here i did it!"

[@leavemealone7751]

Stick to your commentary on fireworks, everything else is just truly embarrassing for you my DUD.. Don't you feel pathetic saying these things?

[@katherinesosa3897]

What if they just both hyphenate their names 🫣 then they keep both their beloved last names and they get the same names! Avoids the one over the other