Video 5 of 7 / Insidious Attachment Trauma / My Story / Why No New Videos / and Inner Child Healing

The 7 videos titled “Insidious Attachment Trauma / My Story / Why No New Videos / and Inner Child Healing” are a series of self-reflections and insights about vulnerability, transparency, my work with clients, and sharing my Personal Healing Process.
The videos cover a range of contemplations, specifically around my relationship to making and sharing videos on KZbin, my work as an Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist, and how trauma reenactment shows up in the most sophisticated of ways in my life.
Perhaps, my approach and organization of sharing these ideas gravitate more towards some kind of manifesto, a declaration announcing where I’ve been and where I’m going.
I was mindful of you, the audience, when filming. Specifically, I held the intention that my personal stories and life experiences might serve as encouragement to understand your own.
Maybe through the normalization of talking more about how Attachment Trauma impacts our lives in many ways, over the course of many years, we might begin to see our collective options for change and healing.
Also, I realize there is a risk with the level of vulnerability I offer here. However, the alternative of solidifying around a guarded privacy only serves to reinforce the limitations of persona-management, which would more uphold a choice to align with disconnect and not relationship.
And if any of my previous videos hold water, then they attest to the fact that I value relationships and emotional connection. As I have said for years, “Emotional Connections Matter!”
I took certain inspiration from a specific KZbin Channel called “Yes Theory” to challenge myself regarding degrees of exposure and revealing myself here.
The “Yes Theory” videos, while sometimes initially presented as a fun and silly premise, mostly deliver a heartfelt intention grounded in the power of connecting with strangers and celebrating our humanity.
Additionally, I also considered how I might present if I were to give a Ted Talk, albeit my version comes with permission to go beyond the standard twenty minutes and sans a stage.
It’s a very bizarre world indeed to be so personal while talking to a video camera alone in a room with the awareness that we (the viewer and I) don’t know each other. It is bizarre to give others access to the most fragile parts of my heart and strongest resources for my healing work.
Please watch with respect.
The end of this video includes me asking for help around the evolution of my work. I ask for help with collaborations, spreading the message of better relating, and engaging a larger in-person audience through lectures and workshops. As we all know, no one can do it alone. I cannot do it alone. I need to learn how to ask for more help, find it, and even more importantly, practice letting it in.
If you are just learning of me and my work, thank you for your interest and curiosity. If you are one of the longtime supporters who have followed me for years, I feel heartfelt gratitude.
Thank you everyone.
Alan Robarge, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarg...
/ alan_robarge_psychothe...
/ alanrobarge
Community Program: Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarg...
Course: The Four Attachment Distress Responses
www.alanrobarg...
#attachment
#healing
#innerchild
Insidious Attachment Trauma / My Story / Why No New Videos / and Inner Child Healing

[@kiljoy100]

I'm hugely skeptical about "self help" youtube videos, but yours have resonated with me and been incredibly helpful on my healing journey. I was not aware how much the death of my father at an early age has effected me and my reaction to failed relationships I really shouldn't care about. Just one layer of the onion. Thank you.

[@floxendoodle942]

Wow! Just wow! You have the ability to verbalize the things that I’ve known and experienced but could never really put into words! Thank you! ❤️

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for the feedback and for valuing my efforts to offer explanation. Glad this is helpful, you're welcome.

[@rosemaryb9635]

This is brave, and very resonant to me, Alan. These stories are merely variations of many of my own. Right down to the middle-of-the-night "self-help" to relieve my anxiety and calm down my nervous system. I applaud these videos, and thank you immensely for them.

[@kristenwalmsley5177]

As I heal my abandonment wound my body is a buzz witn grief and I feel an intensity with crying and wailing that I've never had before. Just like you felt. You are not alone in this. I'm also a buddhist and have done 20 years worth of work on my mind. Then it was time to work with the body and let it speak through emotions to let go. The body work is astounding to me. I've moved through so much emotional energy and I can see things clearly for the first time in my life and I don't need to please people to stay safe. That wasn't work I could do with the mind. It happened because of the bodily expression of grief, old loneliness, old freeze mode energy, old anger and old anxiety. It happened because I have a container that can now hold it all.

[@johngallagher72]

Hope you find the peace joy and love we all seek . I have watched the majority of your videos. The Twin Flame Soulmate video and Stop Avoiding Your Healing Work i watched each several times. All your videos have been very very helpful.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the kind words and for valuing my work. Glad this content is helpful for you.

[@Crystalquartz964]

Thank you Alan, I relate to everything here and I experienced early abandonment and trauma- bonding

[@wavy6470]

This is... incredble... I feel this series of videos is the single most relatable and helpful thing I have ever come across. Thank you so much for sharing this with us

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind comments. Thank you for letting me know the videos are relatable and helpful. Glad they offer benefit. Topics mentioned in the video also come up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@Eric-tj3tg]

Valuable sharing, imo. I've appreciated your past videos, and the depth of your understanding made it clear to me that you were traveling the path. I'm mid-fifties and have been learning about this "stuff" for most of my life, while practicing healing sporadically, but often. I became aware that the body was holding the trauma, which was preverbal and seemingly "out of the blue", but I had gone on a Depth-Psychology meets indigenous rights of passage methods called a Vision Quest. When it hit, it blew my doors off, and yet, the intellectual understanding was partially there; it was/is the intensity of the somatic experience which was hard to take, and the myriad of ways that it manifests (implied memories), and the complex muscular contractions keeping some locked into place. I hear you regarding prayer, meditation and synchronicity and the overlap with "magical thinking". I remember hearing Reggie Ray, a spiritual teacher speaking about a time when his mother was talking about letting a child cry it out, and he found himself, as he says, lying on the kitchen floor, hysterical; much to his teenage daughter's embarrassment and thus inquiry. He said it just comes out when it does. That lack of the belief that it is controllable (100%), that it should/should not be happening (as Grof points out, Birth Trauma is also a real, but visceral experience lacking any visual context), coupled with the effects and side effects of medications which "seemed reasonable" for pragmatics, make this a jigsaw puzzle for many; and, sadly, a life-threatening and life-draining one which is unaffordable. Community Healthcare Centers for mental health, while swimming in the trauma you're describing, do not, as a rule, employ those who are doing this work as extensively as is needed in order to be further along; to posses the necessary skills, and Psychiatry is often a requirement in treatment. This is Intergenerational Trauma and how many crosses, I wonder, can we carry? A wise (imo) Psychologist who was one of our guides on this aforementioned Vision Quest said, (and this was 20-years ago) "Even 5 Shaman per person is not enough to heal the suffering now being carried." Good to see this series and see you back. I hoped and expected that when you did return ( recall something about a year ago announcing you would be coming back, but assumed life kept happening), you would share your journey, and I appreciate you doing so. Shouldn't be/should be, but it is an act of great courage; although for me, it just adds credibility. Be well.

[@RathwulvenBushcraft]

I can very well relate to your story, Alan. It took me years to figure out how most of my past suffering is rooted in my childhood: I have been abandoned by my parents, being told repeatedly “you are not my son” or “my life would be better if you’d never had been born”. There also was physical violence and throughout my teens and twenties I have been in pretty toxic relationships, not knowing that due to childhood trauma I was clinging to partners so evil and manipulative it made me go down 30 miles of bad road. I can only encourage others to seriously do some introspective work and to identify all the types of trauma you mentioned. Don’t go down the same way I did, accepting false diagnoses while ignoring what played a big role in childhood days. Of course I wish everybody to get better, to find happiness and strength. You deserve it. PS: I am a life coach myself now. As I read that you are looking for collabs, I’d just like to mention that I would love to collaborate if you see the need for it. My contact details are on my channel.

[@elvenatheart982]

Thanks for sharing the stories about your prayer and father!

[@lunadog71]

I really appreciate your sharing this Alan, I feel like it has given me some insight which might just result in a major breakthrough. And you happened to post this on my birthday :)

[@laylam4241]

Thank you Alan! You have changed my life 🙏❤️🙏

[@nancylong8681]

What a beautiful man. So insightful and articulate. Thank you!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my efforts.

[@lorrainemorsch760]

OMG U described exactly what I have experienced with several relationships in the past.Attachment Trauma symptoms and feelings and the same behavior that I have had with those relationships when they ended. Even though 2 of them were very short duration. I totally freaked out and and experienced the same with my triggered my nervous system. Thank You for sharing ur experience, and being so transparent and humble. This video series is truly awesome TYou ❤

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the meaningful comment and for sharing your experience. Glad this video sparked reflection. I hear you and empathy to you about the triggered nervous system. Many of us have also been there. Also, thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. If you like this content then you may also like getting in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@activedreamr]

Such a useful sharing. Thank you. 🙏🏼

[@NoticeFeelBreathe]

Wow. I have VERY similar *kinds* of stories-- there's a very similar *quality* of what you're describing that I 100% have lived and understand, even as many of the particular details are different. THANK YOU for sharing this ❤

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for relating and for letting me know this resonates for you as well. Interesting to see how many can relate with our stories. Thanks for appreciating this content. If you like this video then you may also like joining in the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Topics include all types of relationships, not just partner relationships. You're welcome to be a part. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@masteringfibromyalgia]

I have had that cry! Maybe three or four times actually.

[@merlisist]

You are so brave and. So beautiful. P.

[@flash_flood_area]

Interesting (to me, at least), that I recently had similar experiences, but in middle age. I was baffled, but suddenly realized that my incongruous level of emotion over a brief, impossible relationship, might be explained by how I had lost several significant people as an adult, but hadn't grieved thoroughly, and had been punishing myself by avoiding romantic relationships for way too long. This video has really helped me by confirming my suspicions about my overly intense reaction; and also, by allowing me to put my intense desire to check in on the other person (in a completely benign way) into perspective. I agree, it was solely as a form of self soothing. Although the experience was very painful, I actually feel like it has been truly beneficial, by helping me to understand both my childhood and my adulthood attachment wounds, forgive everyone, and move forward with healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Alan. You are helping a lot of people.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this video sparked reflection for you. So good to reflect on our reactions and responses. Thank you for letting me know this video is helpful. If you like this video you may also be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. Take the relationship quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@ZenPepperClub]

Robert....you are amazing

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the kind words.

[@yourenough3]

Thanks for sharing your story Alan ❤️

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for connecting.

[@masteringfibromyalgia]

My Fair Lady: I blame Jay and Frederick I have often walked down this street before But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before All at once am I several stories high Knowing I'm on the street where you live

[@jirihrnak]

Thanks for sharing clarity, solution and love with us 🙏🏻❤️ greetings from Prague, Czech Republic 🇨🇿. Are you available for 1on1 talk or too busy for personal therapy? Thanks again Alan, you do a great job 👏🏽 so helpful

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for valuing my work. Glad it is of benefit. And thanks for your interest in working together. Best way to learn more about counseling is by visiting: www.alanrobarge.com/counseling

[@AsCrowFly]

Wow I can relate…It’s like you held up a mirror. This is helping me see how my attachment trauma influences my behaviors. Thank you for sharing

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this delivers helpful clarity. So important to talking about seeing these connections. Thanks for valuing my work and efforts.

[@Daneiladams555]

It would be interesting to hear a talk on attachment wounding and how it can lead to murdering someone Let’s go into the dark! And don’t worry I’m not a murderer

[@RVCHAT]

omh you are amazing and beautiful

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the kind words.

[@nononouh]

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