(viet/eng) backhanded comments - what are they? | adulting - let's rant

[@Armstrong1781]

SOOOOO TRUE you're points are completely valid I definitely used to be in your place. Had so many nights thinking about these backhanded comments. Threw me into the deepend of my own paranoia and a prison of self doubt. Farther down the road I realized something else. All of us (me, you, people who observe us etc) have the same RAM capacity in our mind. Most of us(and I'm pretty sure about it) hasn't even discovered and explored our own values, own desires, own insecurities. We even don't know what we consider ourselves. Even the comments we make about others rises from a mind, a mind that is flooded with many layers of biases. And to untangle all these surface-level compliments into a singular emotion/intention is already highly time-consuming. So I never care about what other people say about me. (unless it's egregiously realistic) TLDR : most people don't know themselves so it's no use analyzing what others think. best to introspect for less cumbersome life

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

I love the RAM capacity metaphor, and you are absolutely right. It takes A LOT OF WORK to be aware of the biases or judgements we are making about ourselves or other people. I think it's a life long process to learn and unlearn things we thought we knew so well. But it's okay as long as make the effort to do so!

[@guneytopal7076]

Ultimately it all stems from people taking themselves too seriously which is what leads to insecurity. We live in a digital world nowadays so people often want to uphold a certain image subconsciously even if that image is fake. Best to brush it off as these types of comments will often come from individuals who aren't really a focal part of your life. If it's coming from a parent, partner, or close friend then address it only if it really bothers you and provided you believe they can change that behaviour.

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

I absolutely agree! If it comes from people who are not that important in your life, it should NOT matter at all. I try to tell myself that but sometimes it is still hard, so I talk to my family or friends to get back my self-confidence.

[@guneytopal7076]

@@thu-yennguyen0610 I remember reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and the quote “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength” always stuck by me. I try my best to keep it in mind and maintain a level of self-respect and confidence while trying to remain grounded as best I can. Though I do slip up from time to time and make mistakes as do we all but it is up to the individual to learn from those mistakes rather than repeat them. You also have to remember the saying "Ignorance is bliss" so don't let someone's mistake or ignorance spoil your day.

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

@@guneytopal7076 ahhh that is wisdom. I feel like it comes with age too. I'm no "adult" just yet but compared to a year ago, I think I can ignore and let go of certain things now. It's like people in their 20s worry about so many things. We know we shouldn't but we also can't help it 😂 It is definitely something I'm trying to work on. My 2024 resolution is to live in the moment.

[@guneytopal7076]

@@thu-yennguyen0610 Great to see that you're so self-aware. Keep at it and I'm sure you'll do just fine. As for the wisdom and age statement, I'd say both has no correlation based off my experience but lets not dive into that endless pit XD

[@Nilufr-hh5vi]

Oh my gosh, relatable relatable!!! Insecure people are everywhere. I had a neighboor, everytime she sees me she says, oh my god how old are you? You growed so much! What are studying what do you want to be? Ok first of all miss, we are not friends why are you asking my goals? I understand if she wants a small talk but that is not a small talk. After that, you growed so much??? I KNOW IT IS MY BODY you didnt see me many years and here you are commenting on my body or goals? Like who you think you are yk? And i just kept quiet and did not answer her questions. But one time she asked them again when she was with her daughter and i was furious!! I said oh my god how big your daughter became!! Are you feeding her everyday and so on. After that she was all quiet. Guys you dont have to answer or tell everyone your story, if you did not want that's okay. You can sense as i sensed an evil energy and it is not rude tryin to protect yourself. That is the only way handling it❤

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

I meannnn for the older generations, sometimes we know they ask just out of care or curiosity, but you gotta do what you gotta do right? 😂 I love that we can relate to these things!

[@Nilufr-hh5vi]

@@thu-yennguyen0610 i really wish and hope all people learned mind with their bussiness and dont dig into other peoples life. Thanks for the video girlie🫶

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

@@Nilufr-hh5vi Thank you for watching and connecting 🩷🩷🩷

[@mathsclub3901]

Your way of thinking ❤️

[@thu-yennguyen0610]

Thank you for watching!!