Viral Sensation: "Explaining ADHD & Autism To My Partner" - Jay Beech

Internet sensation, Jay Beech, was diagnosed with autism and ADHD after a lifetime of feeling different. Today, he shares what he's learnt about his brain.
You will learn:
👉 3 tips to master ADHD in your relationships
👉 The importance of compatible love languages
👉 Why 'Misaphonia' explains your hatred for loud chewing
Topics:
01:14 What does it fell like living with ADHD & Autism
03:26 Why an understanding of ADHD/autism is vital for a successful relationship
05:02 Why keeping friends is hard when you have ADHD
08:33 What triggered your assessment for ADHD/Autism?
12:47 Your relationship with masking
16:34 How would your partner describe you?
17:05 The importance of compatible love languages
21:26 ADHD relationship advice
23:52 Your ADHD item (headphones)
26:27 Misaphonia explained
30:38 Your experience with ADHD medication
37:48 Washing machine of woes
45:20 Your most impulsive thing
Follow Jay on Instagram 👉 / jayybeech
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This episode has been produced for entertainment purposes only and is in no way meant to be taken as medical advice or advice in any way.

[@Queenread82]

There is nothing so calming as the quiet that comes from noise canceling headphones.

[@tickhillian]

Just bought some noise cancelling headphones and they are magic!

[@iainkay3630]

Agreed though, personally, I would say medication plus headphones. The medication quietens inside my head and the headphones outside :)

[@Queenread82]

Yesterday I spoke with the mom of an adhder who is noise sensitive. She said she found out about a leaking kitchen drainpipe because the drip was upsetting him.

[@ArianeTomlinson0311]

I had a similar "no friends" experience in school. I realize now looking back that I was very much a liked kid, I got along woth everyone, yet i managed to not really be friends with anyone. I also have since been aware of ADHD (self diagnosed) and life makes so much more sense!

[@Sarah-with-an-H]

Totally me too

[@TheTomoye]

Same. I was diagnosed at 37. So many things started making sense from growing up. The how's and why's finally had answers it felt.

[@Queenread82]

Gawd Alex. That word “slurping” is so apt, horrible, offensive, beautifully descriptive, nerve wracking!

[@tilldeathdouspartharmonytr9829]

This guest basically explained me better than I could or have ever been able to. These podcasts are very valuable in more ways than one. Thank you 🙂

[@jamesbowman8939]

Wow. I’ve had a lot of experiences associating with someone through these kinds of interviews and testimonials, but EVERYTHING Jay said resonated with me 💜

[@Queenread82]

Hi! My love language is “let me be” but don’t leave me. Literally, this is my love language. Tell me I am wonderful then let me be. (Sorry!)

[@Queenread82]

I promise I won’t ask you to live for me, just acknowledge me and be okay with parallel play.

[@Queenread82]

There is nothing so wonderful as having loved ones share your creativity with pride. In my case “My wife is an artist, can I show you her artwork?”

[@Queenread82]

The shower is a great place for thinking. Unfortunately I sometimes forget to rinse things. Oops. Must re-enter to get the shampoo out.

[@Queenread82]

Oooohhhh nose bridge - thanks!

[@niamhrooney]

So proud of you both!! Dream team!!

[@Mrs.A583]

Your view on eating and food noise I understand headphones save the day :)

[@Squishmitten5]

Ahhh don’t tell my eye contact secrets!! 😂😂😂😂 I’ve also realized I avoid eye contact so ppl can’t see my eyes glaze over when I zoom off..

[@browniebun]

Great interview, interesting guest, very relatable. Especially when Jay spoke on making connections and maintaining those relationships. And mourning the loss of those connections or opportunities because of the impact of neurodivergence. These days I take the time to mourn/feel/expand myself, and to allow myself to feel the hurt of self-rejection. I feel calmer the more I educate myself on AD(H)D and autism. Thank you both for your openness and willingness to share this with us. ❤

[@Queenread82]

Oh yeah, I’ve heard Audhd people who go on ADHD meds become super aware of the autism once the adhd is “lowered”.

[@chrisgillham5035]

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this week. And im terrified i will forget everything i need to say.

[@doreenplischke2169]

Write it down, bring it with

[@pottymouthedplanter]

This like makes me wanna cry. I relate to this so much. Innattentive ADHD is what they call the dreamer type. I just found out I’ve had it 40 years. My mom still thinks I don’t have it that’s how little is actually known about it. Or she doesn’t wanna admit all the bs she put me through. lol. I’m to start meds next week. Bah. lol

[@Queenread82]

I understand! I’m 60 and just diagnosed. My consult for meds is in April. Gawd I hope it helps and there are no bad side effects. I need some calm in my brain.

[@TheTomoye]

I was tested as a kid, diagnosed at 37, The doctor told my parents that if I was any more calm, I'd be dead. Turns out I was just the dreamer type the whole time.

[@tickhillian]

Jay is so good! I do some of that too!

[@Queenread82]

Doc: “You don’t have to run away and hide from it” Me: “but I do, no-one must know I am struggling” also “whaaaahhhhh! You mean you don’t mind if I can’t do as you say?” Also, this is also why I am anxious about stimulant meds.

[@eeyoregirl622]

My ex was with me just over 2.5 years. He was a narcissist and I did not know that at first. It was the gaslighting anger management and intermittent explosive disorder that was the hey wait a minute to me. Like I am not that. Abusive childhood and exes made me refuse anger. Even with everything I would feel sad and incredible grief but no anger. I think sometime in my life I decided no I will not feel that emotion. So I do not know if adhd or autism have a hand in that. It has made closure moving on difficult even with someone I should loathe. He rejected my adhd and called me lazy, the last night he was here were fights over being unmotivated. I was in complete adhd paralysis the entire day. He wanted me to shower cut my sons hair give him a shower all in one day and I have health issues why he was paid to be my caregiver and if he did love me it would have been normal care not a job. But it was fight almost every night by the end. The things he would say to me lots of emotional abuse and trying to find me again. The last night escalated and I had seen the escalation as it was progressing. So that last night I did manage to get me a bath, late at night lack of hot water so no shower. He had taken off while I was in despite my slip and fall risk. Likely cheating on me in anger. I highly suspect a neighbor as neither could actually say no, it was from her that's an effed up rumor, him was when would I have time to cheat or joking he has someone hiding behind the dumpster. So the last night he threatened direct physical harm on top of the normal if you kick me out I will destroy your life and he has made good on that. So what the tipping point was he slapped HIMSELF twice and said he would call and say I did it. So I called. I was so afraid that night, his yelling alone was a trauma trigger and he knew it and was never sorry. Not even pretend sorry. Well he tried to get me to hang up the phone, give my phone to him, and threatened to break my phone. So when the police got there that alone had him arrested and they added domestic as dispatch phone in my pocket heard him screaming at me threatening to destroy my stuff and screaming at me to crawl under the bed and get the cat and i am physically disabled. And he chose the no contact order over paying any money. He moved out the next day. The hearing was last friday and killed me to go and i ended up getting his stuff transfered to his exwife from 20 years ago that he has been friends with. He hurt her back then too. She told me she still loves him but will never have a romantic relationship again. She thought he just had traits back then. I think every failed relationship has made it worse. So i made a point to return every item of his to him to be honest and true. Except the cat. She hid from him all of the time literally it was run and hide he would even say it. She bonded with me and slept on me every night. Still does. She also does not hide under the bed anymore. She looks for him sometimes, she catches his scent under the door to other room. I never got to vacuum before my stuff was dropped off from his storage unit. I thought of him because of headphones. His favorite picture of me was wearing headphones. I don't know if he deleted it. If i had not blocked him i would see it even without being friends because he tagged me. I can see the relationship thing from another profile as that is public. The engaged is not there. He changed everything to single right after he was released after 24 hours. He treated it as betrayal and i kicked him out. Not owning up to what he did. I think threatening to drag someone by their hair is not trivial. So his not taking accountability not saying we are over, nothing it is hurting. No closure. My adhd autism make it hard. I don't want to be alone. I need help. No replacement for him and no one for my son either. So how much is needing help. I am tired of eating the same thing every day. And today nothing. A lot of days nothing. But I have enough sense to know I don't want someone just to have someone. I want someone to love and be loved and not the mirage I just had. I want the giddy happy I get. I read something a writer put up along with all of the poems on narcissists pain heartbreak loss...and it said something about love heals you. Love caused the pain love will heal the pain. I am horrible at retelling anything because I never remember the wording. But basically finding someone and falling in love will heal you. So I have cautiously looked. Someone wants to meet me says they want a relationship but when I ask why they like me they gave 2 words cute, real. I want someone to know me not just think oh she is a real person and i think she looks cute by these pictures. I am struggling to find quality too as I am honest about I have domestic violence hearing against my ex who broke my heart well shattered it. I am picking up the pieces like he never helped me apply for ssi despite being paid to do so. So now I am without help. So there is a wait to get approved. And I can't work from a back injury add to it i literally found out the morning of the hearing which was 3 days ago that i need thyroid medication. I started Saturday. This on top of cortisol replacement still. My adrenal glands still not working. So I had no choice but to make a gofundme so I can pay rent. I received help to pay the rent due February 1st. No one donated for March. He called every utility company and i have no idea what said but I am pretty sure it caused my bills to go up at first then 10. My apartment will not reduce the rent increase they just did knowing I am without help. That coupled with someone well meaning writing them an email begging them to cut my rent in half, no management company is going to do that, he has never rented before, always lived in a house. I told him I tried talking to them and his email showed he did not listen to what I said and not only thought nothing was wrong with overstepping as a friend but it showed he did not believe me. My character is complete honesty even if it hurts me. Like going to the hearing to make sure they knew he did not push me or shove me like the police report had put. It killed me to be there to see him. But I felt honesty was needed. And I needed to get him his stuff. But my apartment lease has always been 12 months. I have lived here since 2012. My ex moved in the fall of 2021. Just over 2 years. And now i can only get a month to month lease. Which makes it easier to get evicted. The language in the lease is rude and harsh. Like talking down to someone vs business language like previous leases had been. So without help to pay rent this means i am out within a month. With nowhere to go. He destroyed my paper shredder the day he moved out. My naiveté i thought nothing of his suddenly needing to shred something. He was ok throwing stuff away without shredding. It did not register until I went to use it a few weeks later and he had ran stuff up in reverse to jam up the top area so you can't get that out at all and can't feed anything in as the space is filled. I always wore my headphones before. And now i have stopped listening to music completely. Me who loves music and always always had something playing and it was music that connected us. We would send youtube links back and forth. Him a luthier called me his musical match. Because I loved such a wide diverse range. I have not played anything other than to block out tornado test sirens, trigger and sends my mind back to driving in a storm trying to get to my son. But his arrest was the day the music died for me.

[@louiseisobel]

😢 you got a friend in me ❤😊

[@Queenread82]

Alex, I’m sorry for bombing the comments. There is just so much.

[@Mrs.A583]

Eye contact look at the nose good trick love it :) eye too much less eye lol

[@markmuller7962]

My ADHD just wants me to play online games and to scroll social... I guess that'd be more compatible with ASD

[@Uhfffyeah]

Hey to Jay beech and anyone reading this: (Edit: a lot of what I'm about to say doesn't just come out of my own thinking but from multiple hundreds of sources of information that I've aquired over the last years. What I should mention is that I don't give out information that I haven't tested first hand and came to the conclusion that the probability of it being that way outweighs the probability of it not being that way by a lot. Also the multiple sources over thousands of years across continents all seem to point to the fact that my information doesn't come out of a illusion or imagination but out of direct experience of a subliminal energy plane, which people call "the field", Dao, God, Soul, emptiness, nothingness, that which cannot be explained, energy body, aura, magnetic field of the body (scientifically proven), Krishna, no-mind, etc.) To list a few of those sources (I'm not gonna add any doctors titles so look them up yourself): Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, Mercea Ileade, Gabor Maté, Jordan Peterson, mulltiple autism researchers, videos with autistic and adhd children, teens and adults but also adhd and autism seperate, Matias de stefano, aubrey marcus, Lao tzu, chuan tzu, danielle bolelli, Buddha, Miyamoto Musashi, J. Krishnamurti, U.G. krishnamurti, maxx verhamme, Sadhguru, Hinduism, buddhism, Zen, Taoism, Christianity(mystic and non mystic), suffism, shamanism, alchemy (spiritual/energy), non-dualism, Shinto, etc.) I have Adhd and autism and what you described in the beginning, the 2 seemingly very different siblings arguing with each other, seem more like Ego and Persona or it could also be persona 1 and persona 2 in which case you would be the ego. I can only speak from my experience but from what I can tell it's similar to what you described, the adhd part wants adventure and is bored, the autism part is content and wants to chill at home. But, I noticed that my autism part wants to chill at home because it feels unsafe in the world, it imagines so many scary things, people, situations, god forbid I have to talk someone. I'm not sure if this is part of the personality (maybe) but it's definitely a hyperactive amygdala, that cannot fathom being outside and not in a stress response. So the crash course as you do it, is a pretty harsh way and autism/the amygdala doesn't like that at all, so you would want to over and over again, treat that part with love and kindness and patience and show it over and over again that it's okay to go outside or to have a phone call or to talk to humans, that it's somewhat safe to be outside. You have to teach yourself (through martial arts) that you can honestly express and defend yourself. The brain doesn't realize it's not a kid anymore, the fear that we aquire as kids and babies still linger within us. Some natural fears are fear of humans, fear of louds noises, fear of pain, fear of death. All fears that we can overcome with psychotherapy and repeated trigger-release therapy. And anxiety will always be there as long as we keep thinking of the future instead of just moving our body and mind into the direction we want to. Not thinking, just doing. That takes practice. You will need a lot of patience, humbleness and softness/kindness. You can't train your body by throwing them into action, then your body only knows how to throw himself into action. You need to teach your body and your adhd how to subtly, patiently, slowly work into an action. Tai qi would be great for that purpose. Meditation, fasting and spiritual alchemy/shamanism helps a lot. You don't need to get in contact with spirits or anything but you should learn to fully feel your body and to truthfully express yourself in body, mind and speech. Spiritual alchemy/shamanism is about feeling the subtle distortions and blockages of the mind and how to clear them up, how to raise your vibration so you won't have to deal with thought tornados all the time. Being in a higher vibration will automatically block certain negativities considering your attachment to it. For example, I have a strong attachment to fear and so even tho being in a higher virbation blocks most negative thoughts, my fear is strong enough to break through and lower my vibration. I feel like nobody is gonna read this anyway but if you read this and have questions or topics you want me to explain, psychological, philosophical, biological, religious, spiritual, astronomy or astrology, energies, soul, aura, etc. I'm here to help and answer according to my stand of knowledge.

[@cujimmy1366]

2p or not 2p that is the question.

[@Ohnoitsbuggerednow]

I want that one .. i dont like it

[@liadelmater6643]

...maybe I wouldn't have joined a cult...