Voices of Childhood Cancer: Learning to Live in the Moment

Written by Jennifer Haag
At 13 years old, my child was diagnosed with bone cancer in the knee area and above. He went through chemo, surgery to replace his knee and part of his femur, then more chemo-all within ten intensive months. Fast forward a few years, a few months after his 16th birthday, we found out cancer had returned, this time in the pelvis and his lungs.
The prognosis was iffy. There were two outcomes we hoped for, surgery to remove & replace the pelvis and another surgery to remove lung nodules-lots of Chemo, radiation, and potential tumor targeting medicine.
We walked around, beginning to adjust once again to cancer life. Chemo, radiation, and everything not working. Cancer kept popping up in other places-a continuous game of whack a mole, where we were losing.
I received some advice that changed both mine and my child’s life.
Suffering exists. It is a truth in the world. Everyone suffers but in different ways. You can’t escape it. But it doesn’t have to define you.
We decided to stop looking ahead. We did what we could do to help Nicholas battle cancer, even replaced 1/2 of his pelvis. But it took over his life & ours.
This advice helped me realize suffering exist, but if we are present in each day, we can find happiness where we are. This attitude made a huge difference in my outlook and Nicholas’. Every day, despite the pain and tears, there was laughter and joy.
I realized we can find joy in simple places. My cats bring me peace and comfort. Whether it’s a walk around the block or in nature, a time to enjoy the sunshine and the grass beneath my feet. Those can bring happiness. My child napped every day with the kitten on his lap.
Nicholas left us a few weeks before his 18th birthday last year. I miss him so much.