Warren Farrell - Why Love Is Such A Mess - Full Video

Drs. Warren Farrell and John Gray's The Boy Crisis (2018) is now at a sale price on Amazon. Called "the best book of the 21st Century" by men's health author, Jed Diamond, Ph.D: amzn.to/2E353vG
--For 3 hr audio with Dr. Farrell from Audible on Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: bit.ly/1we9Htn
--Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say hardcover: bit.ly/1z519dv
--For greater depth, www.warrenfarre...
Visit www.warrenfarre... for more on Dr. Warren Farrell; for more information about his latest work and book, visit www.boycrisis.org.

[@PsychokoreUndergroundRap]

What boggles my mind is.. that this video only has 5k views..

[@angelo7217]

5001....

[@flacobass]

50 years....

[@Mjuhi88]

5000 views from 2012 to 2018 next 5000 views from 2018 to 2019 its something :D

[@jguy2292]

What boggles my mind is that two years since this post, there has only been 7k more views. And in the 9 Years that this video has been up it has only gotten 12.8k views...

[@rationalmale6265]

This man is brilliant and has always been way ahead of his time. I have learned so much from him and use his teachings to guide me in regards to relationships, etc.... Thank you Dr. Farrell.

[@diegomorales8616]

26:00 is a point that can't be made enough. He expounds on this in his book The Boy Crisis: A wife who thinks her full-time dad husband as "my unemployed husband" is an unhappy wife--and leaves her husband feeling shame at a primal level for not fulfilling what he thinks of as his primary way of being valued. It's like a husband saying "my unattractive wife."

[@TheMuph]

it's so refreshing to hear ideas that I've slowly come to see as truths through my own unsuccessful attempts at dating articulated in such a concise way. I once heard a Female Anthropologist whose name escapes me basically break down the problem with love in a similar way. According to her she said women are still picking mates based off of stone age criteria, namely high aggression/risk taking behavior and the ability to provide superior resources. This may have been useful in the past but it's counterproductive now. I can speak from personal experience how frustrating it would be when speaking with women talking about going back to abusive partners or worse chasing married men but know it all makes sense. They have been conditioned to be attracted to the WORST traits in Men because these traits in the past were usually indicators of high testosterone, which usually indicated aggressiveness/fearlessness and thus an ability to better compete for resources and provide those resources. In a way I feel sorry for women because on average men are far more flexible in who they can find attractive and it seems to me that many women are taking themselves out of the dating market because of their inability to find non-destructive men attractive.

[@tes8035]

Yeah, maybe those are women for which (self)desctructive feels like home.

[@rationalmale6265]

TheMuph very well said. Thank you.

[@makaylaludwig5390]

"Stone Age Criteria" is not an aggressive man it is an assertive man. Being assertive is a great characteristic to have in today's society. Women like men who know what they want even if what they want is bad. Most cave women wouldn't pick an aggressor because he would jeopardize the family. Also if an aggressor had a women back then the women wasn't making the choice. Women who choose the men you are talking about like to play victim. Then because the man is doing what he is, gives excuses for the women's shitty behavior. Both sexes do this to each other, I want him to beat me so I can gamble. I want her to drink so I can go out with the boys and leave the kids more. The women you talk about are not victims they like living in this circle.

[@zippy_uk1046]

Much of this is on point. As a man I have been long aware of the need to change / adapt but there is no clear road to go down. This is not be a blundering soy boy, but a well rounded masculine man, but in a more relevant format fit for the 21st Century. It's clear that change is required but it is extremely hard to articulate what this is. I will offer this thought though - there was a bargain between the sexes - let's call this traditionalism, such that either sex could assert their side of the bargain. With feminism, women can now override that bargain through empowerment and the fact this bargain is no longer relevant. Mens answer to this is to find a new form of bargain they can assert. This is where I part company with Dr. Farrell as feminism REQUIRES traditionalism of men to keep the gains it has made. This is because it has gained TOO MANY gains - many necessary and reasonable, but others are NOT fair or justifiable, particularly in family law. One of the problems for men is that feminism has actively opposed this transition (aided and abetted by government and corporations who have a vested interest in male disposability). This disposability along with a lack of power in the family and probably a reformatting of LTR between men and women is where this starts. Men need to have more courage to call this out and frankly be a lot more awkward and uncooperative with ALL institutions until these issues are addressed.

[@bmxion]

Wow! 🎯 and this has been up 10 years already and nothing has changed

[@WakingUpToday213]

The Myth of Male Power says it all in depth, and I believe it's 29 this year.

[@bmxion]

@@WakingUpToday213 I realized this shortly after posting this comment 🙁

[@aminaa7909]

Thank you very much bought the boy crisis book and enjoyed this

My godness, he speaks of what we as a society (Sweden) was practicing more than 30 years ago.

[@PP-yx4rv]

hah! your exactly there today as well. Sweden are seeing the exact same trend as the rest of the western world, in terms of boys and men falling behind. The fact that you cant see that, tells me that your just so used to toxic feminism, that you cant take boys and mens issues seriously.

[@LaudanumByron]

Beautiful. I am in awe of your ability to speak to both sexes so well & with such love. Thank you so much for existing.

[@sachinsatheesh2050]

When men die in a car accident, the penalty for the person creating the death is 54% less than women. When it is a man who isn't he offender in a car accident the penalty is 60% higher. For women power is not imitating what men do, it is about having control over ones life.

[@DeadCatX2]

He said this at 13:30

[@Heidisharree]

This is great information for me to digest. Thank you

[@sedthh]

I thought this was a recent video as a response to events currently unfolding. Howcome this didn't get more attention?

[@mrmtn37]

I have met zero females even those with multiple degrees that posses any advanced knowledge of loving or how to love. I often explain my desire for Intimacy and have more often then not the response I encounter is "You dont feel like we make love? You think we just f=

[@orangeandslinky]

There is no evidence a woman can love at all. She projects her self on things. Cats, dogs, babies, trees, nature, make up, money and mostly mirrors.

[@jamesbeemer7855]

These seem to be the new rules I was looking for .

[@audiophile64]

Brilliant you always bring up new thoughts and angles on this subject.I may be purchasing your books soon.Thanks for all your insights.

[@naturalisted1714]

I would love to have a transcript of this talk. Or at least a transcript of all the statistics mentioned.

[@WakingUpToday213]

Read Warren's books for much much more! e.g., The Myth of Male Power.

[@bobballard387]

this society is doomed i am out and work for myself no women no kid no shit to take good bye ^________^

[@jamesbeemer7855]

He talks about rowing a boat . But who's got the tiller ?

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Criticism is destructive , that's why I get defensive .

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Consequences

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Yeah , we men get desperate , for reconnect ion , when we get home .

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Children start adding to her income .

[@jamesbeemer7855]

My son had serogate dad's .

[@jackdan3208]

Missing so much about the big picture. Other then that at least someone is pointing some things out. Tho he is coming from feminist up bringings. To bad his can't we all just see things.... Is never gonna happen. Pipe dreams

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Ok , my father is dead .

[@manaloola2018]

Re: the suicide rate between males and females... is that the case or are males more successful? What’s the rate of attempt, rather than successes?

[@rationalmale6265]

Women attempt more, but men are much more successful. Most women do it as a cry for help and attention. Men do it because they are desperate and have no other way out the despare that they are in. There are very few resources to help men vs women.

[@orangeandslinky]

Give a rough estimate of how many battered mens shelters there are with in 500 miles of your house. That would be zero.

[@diegomorales8616]

@@orangeandslinky Or men's shelters period.

[@DeadCatX2]

@Mana Loola We accept that women attempt more and men succeed more. What do you take from this? Do you have any solutions in mind? I do not wish to impart any sort of motivation upon you, specifically. In the past, when I have seen your concern raised, it has been in order to draw focus away from putting forth any solution for men. They told me, "but women are attempting more, and therefore they deserve more help than men" I then reply with, "do you think all of the resources and social supports we have in place for women might explain why they are less likely to succeed?" This is usually met with some degree of silence when the person I'm talking to is genuinely compassionate - and I say person because I've had this discussion with men and women. Men are disposable. Society doesn't care if a man gets hurt or dies. So that is why even when 4/5 suicides are men that we continue to ignore that problem. The subtext is that society does not care if a man actually dies but society does care if a woman merely attempts. I'm not saying this is what your specific reasoning is. I am saying that this is reasoning I have heard from men and women, and a handful of them have even admitted the subtext and justified it.

[@DeadCatX2]

34:06 - Men's definition of power has become feeling obligated to earn money someone else spends while we die sooner. 38:06 - In the United States, 92% of deaths in the workplace are men. 31:27 - Life expectancy in the United States between men and women used to be in 1920 ... just a one year gap. Today, the gap is 5.2 years.

[@themaniusedtob]

KZbin needs a "round of applause" button for this vid.

[@FabiDalRi]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Dr. Warren Farrell. I watch Dr. John Gray's shows almost daily and after several mentions he made to you I decided to take a look at your articles and videos. I'm happy to know you are out there and I will certainly spread some of you words out. I'm passed the ignorance of fighting men. I now feel I want to use my love and female wisdom to help them either find or develop their own. Many blessings!

[@SlyNine]

You really didn't understand him and you speak with a ton of chauvinism. Just because it wasn't necessary for women to fight and die, doesn't mean women are better or more pure than men. It was men's sacrifice that allowed women to look civil.

[@DeadCatX2]

21:55 - The question is how did women get so far and men remain so stagnant. The women who made the most progress were ... middle upper class women ... in industrialized countries ... who are married to men ... successful enough to be able to allow the women to go to psychologists, be introspective, [and] raise expectations about their marriage that would ultimately lead to their divorce. [11 seconds of continuous laughter from the audience] Why divorce? Because the women who were best able to afford the psychologist were the ones who had selected for successful men. That is, men who were ... repressing their feelings, and women can't hear what men don't say. The successful men learned that earning money led to earning love ... however, the flaw is that it didn't sustain love - not with women's new definition of love that the woman thought desired real communication. This, though, doesn't erase the fact that the women best able to grow spiritually and psychologically were the ones who had selected to marry men who were the least able to grow. Thus, divorce.

[@hmb8801]

Wow . That was spectacular , Thank u Warren again

[@francescagroves5235]

FANTASTIC! Thank you, Mr Farrell. Best question is: "Whose approval are you the prisoner of?" Yikes!

[@francescagroves5235]

correction: Dr Farrell

[@DouglasRWallack]

Warren is surely a blessing! Thanks, Friend :-)

[@BarbaraMolin1]

Solution: village community with small- individually owned business model. Result: Parents and extended family are close to their children.

[@matthewmurdoch6932]

Feelings of oppression make empathy and compassion much more difficult.

[@BrianBradshaw-c2l]

This was so insightful! I gained so much clarity. Warren has been a pioneer on true gender equality. He's ahead of his time.

[@blakelip3]

Men get their love from being disconnected from love

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Male children are brought up to be desposable .

[@toshiojohnston3732]

And for 75 to 92% of men in the USA disposablity begins as newborns just hours old and you're circumcised losing 35%of you're penis and 10000nerve endings and natural lubrication and when one day you find out what circumcision is you have to look at your scar disfigured crooked penis every time you urinate and put it inside a woman who of course isn't circumcised she's the sacred female so anything so barbaric is off limits being circumcised is like finding out all these years that your father isn't your father or born a twin who died at birth or losing a limb but still feeling it what they call the phantom limb you lost something that you should take to your grave at 90 something you were born with yet because of parents doctors nurses coldness and covert cruelty towards males even a helpless newborn youll never know what should've been.

[@PsychokoreUndergroundRap]

13:56 saving whales :-D ^_^

[@nikeisagreekgoddess4135]

11 minutes in and I'm noticing his perspective requires that you agree with some presuppositions that he didn't layout, at least not in this talk. For example: He makes a value judgement about our evolutionary path and how survival is what dictates our partner selection. His judgement is that those choices were made with survival as a priority instead of love. Focus on those last 3 words "instead of love". You need to define "love" first. There are different insights as to what this word means and, if you are scientifically aware, you understand this is an abstract that manifests in different ways depending on the circumstances and has a utility to expedite survival of newborns, pair-bonding or group cohesion for an efficient human force, etc. I see that he is using the word "spiritual" too much in here. That's a mess on its own. If love is a mess, spirituality is even more of a mess. Take this from someone that comes from a spiritual background through Christian education. I do not look down on this subject at all, which should show you how serious the problem with spirituality is. We still haven't figured out what that means. Most people that regard themselves as "spiritual" are highly inarticulate, which shows a big gap in spiritual leadership and education. Having said all that and returning to my initial point, Farrell's points need you to agree with a very generalized idea of "love". You could argue he is referring, in more specific terms, to selflessness, communication, physical presence, agreeableness and maybe other qualities most strongly represented by good mothers. This is highly debatable. I can't accept these points he is making because he comes from a 1st World highly privileged perspective. He doesn't see the value of masculine features, which makes him come across as highly ignorant of them. Mind you I know I'm talking about a PhD here. I also sense that, in some way, the idea that love is a more sophisticated motivation than survival is an extremely arrogant proposition. I am not saying that Farrell disregards survival's importance. It seems to me like he understands his country is running on all gears and so, survival can go to the back end as a motivation. It's not illogical, but things aren't that simple either.

[@DeadCatX2]

28:55 - When our sons are pre-age 9, boys and girls commit suicide at equal rates. Between 10-14, boys' rate is twice as high as girls. Between 15-19, ... four times as high as girls. Between 20-24, five to six times ... ... as the male role ... and expectations become more defined ... the fear of not being able to live up to what we're expected to live up to becomes so great that we can't handle it, we check out 10:05 - In love, when a man and woman divorce, a man is ten times as likely as a woman is, after divorce, to commit suicide. A man after the death of his spouse is ten times as likely as a woman is to commit suicide. 14:05 - Men over 85 are 1350% more likely to commit suicide than women over 85

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Ok , making a transition , except criticism . By see it as love , not an attack .

[@BetaBuxDelux]

47:00 Add to that list mandatory paternity test at the birth of the child.

[@jamesbeemer7855]

How to get her to see our volnerability and help us .

[@DrabeLord]

Very interesting, thank you!

[@jamesbeemer7855]

So seration doesn't seem to

[@jamesbeemer7855]

To live our seperate lives .

[@PapaMist]

Disagree vehemently with some of his views. He makes the principles of self-sacrifice and duty appear to be nothing but harmful products of socialized behavioral patterns that are eroding the wellbeing of males and quite possibly society at large. I'm glad Mr. Farrell touched on the most underrated national crisis of fatherlessness. However, why are so few people willing to address the rampant narcissism present in American society? Without self-sacrificing populus we have self-serving narcissistic idealistic masses. Essentially children.

[@SlyNine]

He recognizes that a certain amount of stoicism is necessary from both men and women. He does come from the feminist camp and it shows sometimes. But he still makes great points and he also holds women accountable for their role in how things are. I think he exposes uncomfortable truths for both men, women, MRA's, and feminists.

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Who am I a prisoner of ?

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Edit : seperation

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Social death .

[@jamesbeemer7855]

Dad .