Was I Right to End My Engagement?

[@skd7028]

There was once a world where the phone was attached to a wall and if you needed it, you walked over, used it, hung it up, and went on with your day.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I miss those days. For me, it was walking down to the phone box!

[@mileyroe4877]

Oh, the sweet old days. I miss em

[@kiarnahall4020]

Absolutely. The idea isn't for them to have no way to contact their parents, the idea is to prevent them from having no contact with each other because they're all just sitting idly and scrolling through socials!

[@amathans]

I remember those days, my mum was a single parent so quite often we only had incoming calls only on our telephone that was on the kitchen wall with a wire so you had to pretty much stand in the kitchen talking. Phones aren’t even phones anymore. People rarely call people off their phones. People prefer texting. Phones are used for a million other things, calling people up and talking isn’t the main function of phones nowadays. Modern Mobile phones have brought many positives. But a LOT of negatives too!

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

And we’re not in that world anymore. I pay for my child’s phone so that I can contact them when I need to and they can contact me when they need to. No way would I send them to someone’s house who expects MY child to go through THEM to contact me. Unacceptable.

[@jessicabender1301]

Physician here. I was drowning. Drowning. I quit and went part time. For the first time in my adult life i was home every holiday and made memories that i could actually remember. Now i love my work and my life. I have less stuff too

[@Allannah_Of_Rome]

Good for you, you should be very pleased with yourself! My family GP was the same until he got married again and started going on more holidays with his new lovely. wife. He is so very happy now. We actually live next door to another, (he also delivered one of my kids at home and the other in hospital). That's what living in Australia looks like, very friendly and laid back. To tell you the truth, I don't know of any doctor in my town that I'm not on a first name basis with either. It's just how we are...

[@JohnWilliams-cx3ip]

Awesome 👍

[@DeeLee-p8c]

You have less money 😅😅😅😅

[@konye618]

​@@DeeLee-p8c they have enough money. What's the point of now money if you're not happy?!?

[@sannehol6942]

​@@DeeLee-p8c do you think having money is the most important part of living? If so I feel sad for you. Making memories is wayyyy more important.

[@DWe-c6b]

Red flag: “inability to communicate” = he is disrespectfully in conversation by interrupting and talking over Dr. John right out of the gate. I can imagine how he is to a female partner. I applaud Dr. John for calling him out by thinking he’s better than the fiancé due to a money issue. Approach is everything

[@juliaorpheus]

Spot on!

[@rachels.9602]

Weird. I heard the exact opposite - seemed like he kept getting cut off in the conversation, but he did seem to listen when the time came.

[@randybobandy9828]

Ya he isn't marriage material because he talked over "Dr John" in a conversation. Lmao

[@randybobandy9828]

​@Frauke_Mso basically you have no ability to call out red flag because you simply gave up on relationships.

[@charliedeegan1598]

​@randybobandy9828 Damn you sound offended. Sounds like you're involuntary single. Should you be making judgments on someone else's relationship status?

[@sara-jonathanjerdan738]

I really appreciate how John can call out folks who are clinging to the DR plan in an unhealthy ways. It's an amazing plan, but not a comprehensive guide to being a human in a relationship.

[@listrahtes]

Especially as Ramsey force feeds his religious beliefs into the plan that really are only working for some relationships but there are other ways to live a happy and financial sound life in a marriage

[@haploid2k]

You clearly have not been married to a wife who spends everything you earn. Some people are not worth marrying, and this caller’s ex-fiance is one of them. She is a parasite looking for a free meal ticket. John’s advice is coming from the perspective of someone who found a unicorn to marry. But most women use us as workhorses and wallets, and the caller is right to identify this.

[@Qwackdawack]

Erřrr​66🎉😂😂😂😂🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤Mr ❤❤said ❤❤❤🎉😢❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤.88.❤❤..think..8i❤i..rto ii.

[@juliestevens0426]

@@listrahtes DR doesn't dictate that you have to believe he way he does. All he's sharing is what he and Sharon did that felt right and worked for them. He's very happy to let you do you.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

@@listrahteshe does not force feed religion lol it is PART of the plan but you can do the plan & deny your Father. That’s on you

[@exit328]

I didn’t have a cell phone growing up and it worked out just fine. Some people have lost their minds over these electronics.

[@Britty0189]

Yea, being a kid in the car, “look out the window” lol was as good as it got lol

[@migalorsdarwin1930]

And you look like the dealer when she is gambling

[@AnnAndNala]

I agree! We all did just fine without the bothersome cellphone. IMO it's too much of an appendage with far too much importance attached.

[@pyao]

I needed one but didn’t have it but it was before watches etc which could be used to call or text if needed

[@brendaababey]

Agreed but also the world now is full of pedos and porn addicts because of this phones and kids running around alone is not okay anymore. A phone provides comfort to us parents knowing “hey my kids is here “ . As a kid I use to bike long distances to friends in elementary/middle school but now that’s frowned upon . I would ride the bus alone now you see a kid alone in the bus and everybody will freak out .

[@kimdawcatgirl]

What disturbs me about the first guy is he was so quick to call off the wedding over this it would make any gal insecure about how he handles tough situations. She needs to run.

[@zeroounce8874]

1000%

[@zojairam]

Im surprise that he’s not talking about it in detail Ex. percentages, college fund for kids, who make more. He’s probably paying child support, she’s not. Also will the household chores will be split in half 🤔

[@ImmieV]

I would say the same to him, if she doesn't have her financial future figured out she's going to drain him or his confidence in the future.

[@deeanna8448]

Yes, but if there are already multiple red flags, they don't need to get married. If they can't figure out the basics before they get married, it isn't suddenly going to improve after marriage. His expectations are higher than what she is able to meet. They need to either find more comparable partners or cancel the engagement, work on the issues, and consider getting engaged again later.

[@awbree8040]

@@zeroounce8874see a at

[@TruePathLiving]

Having money and ambition does NOT mean you're a good partner

[@Baheieujlsksnen]

Exactly!!!

[@DeeLee-p8c]

Yes it does

[@TruePathLiving]

@@DeeLee-p8c no. A lot of people who have money and ambition are workaholics who are married to their job / company and would sacrifice their relationship in multiple ways for the sake of the growth of their career or company, leaving their partners feeling more single than if they were single.

[@juliaorpheus]

Quite a few marriages end because "ambition" translates as superiority over their spouse. Also, all things equal I'd rather have financial stability than not, but there are so many partners who value money over their partners and if you see that RUUUNNNN!!!!

[@ItsMeYourfavorite7]

@@DeeLee-p8c no it doesn’t. There are men with money and ambition and zero emotional intelligence, no kindness or no compassion

[@pennyisaac-nelson622]

LOVE your cell phone boundary in your home! Way to go.

[@BlackStump172]

A friend had a happy new engagement , but he broke it off and we thought it may have been his adult children . BUT we discovered that she has a gambling habit . 😢 Smart man as there is no good ending .

[@annt7384]

The first caller is completely incompatible with his fiancée. He doesn’t recognize how his control issues are affecting the relationship.

[@evigmann525]

Good thing we have all you people here to judge him and his situation after hearing him speak for a total of 2 minutes

[@annt7384]

@@evigmann525 you’re welcome

[@gingerale_day]

Exactly. He's controlling and doesn't have empathy or compassion for her and instead wants her to bend to what he wants, calls off the engagement because she won't do it his way even though that's how she was abused in the last relationship. He is proving to her that he's the same. They are incompatible if she doesn't' want to be abused again. He will leverage finances to do this "his way" if he doesn't view her as an equals even if he disagrees with their processes. Edited for grammar.

[@bffoxjr]

Control issues? He literally spent the whole time talking about caving in to his ex

[@Newfoundadventures-2024]

Lmao, more like his ex is incapable of taking good advice.

[@harrietbaker4484]

After being divorced twice I will never share a checkbook with anyone again. The return to financial health was hell on earth! I really don't see anything wrong with separate checkbook and then a joint account for the household expenses where both out money in.

[@nathanfowler2835]

I see it both ways. Personally I think the transparency is more important to me, but I’m all for my significant other having their own account that I can see what goes in and out and vice versa. That way you have the safety net, and also not be tempted to hide things or have that in question.

[@gerafinali4384]

Same here. I will always make sure I can make it on my own, because however nice the guy is, nobody is safe from separation. And shen you separate, that guy can become a whole new type of guy.

[@sanitary103]

I have separate accounts with my wife. Works for us.

[@kyral8958]

I believe in a my account, your account and an our account. To be clear, my income is modest, so I'll never be the higher earner. This scenario would not be to my benefit. I just believe in fairness.

[@jr5557]

​@@nathanfowler2835me and my husband have so trying to count for bills, but we will still have our own separate accounts that we don't monitor or have access to the other person's information. I don't think it's necessary but also we are not having an issue around trust with finances

[@carrieeubanks549]

"A financially stable single parent." Oh man I felt that. 💔

[@jennyjones-tw5hp]

😂😂😂😂 I’ve yet to meet a single parent (married or otherwise) that couldn’t do with some more money for their kids. There is never enough money to do all the best things you want for your kids!

[@razmiddle9410]

I suppose it’s better than being a financially unstable single parent

[@1Icyman]

She signed up for this. Then she complains about him wanting a change. She wants the money. Women are never happy.

[@jennyjones-tw5hp]

@@1Icyman sounds like you are projecting. Get off the red pill and seek therapy.

[@1Icyman]

@@jennyjones-tw5hp when you were getting run through did you really think men would take you seriously?

[@markrobert.a]

LOVE THAT QUESTION: “what did you learn about yourself?”

[@jeanna7851]

My ex and i were together for 17 years. He was very controlling. When we finally split he purposely ensured My youngest child and i had nothing. I should've had a separate account all those years. You never know hos crappy someone will be should the end come.

[@randybobandy9828]

I highly doubt that. The courts overwhelmingly favor the woman in a divorce, especially when kids are involved.

[@unclehollywoodshouseofther995]

Great way to downplay her experience ​@@randybobandy9828

[@lindatannock]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having separate accounts! So many people do it nowadays. Especially in your situation, although the courts would make him pay for your child though surely?!

[@AllAmericanGirl1971]

In my divorce same thing happened. Ex emptied our $25k savings acct. I never saw a penny of it. The fear of becoming financially crippled again is very real.

[@saralee848]

​@randybobandy9828 my experience is that this is a myth perpetuated by men who exaggerate their stories. In my divorce I took on almost all of our debt. He got to pretty much walk away. We had no assets to speak of.

[@jeaniedelaney4711]

I did a similar thing with wanting to be a manager. I went to college, got a master’s degree. Worked my way into management in my field of choice, and discovered that I hated being a manager. I gave it a go for two and a half years and fully learned that I just couldn’t like it no matter what I tried. Luckily my company was able to move me into a non-management training position and it has been the best thing ever. It’s all of the stuff that I’m good at and that I like, and pretty much zero stuff I don’t like. ❤

[@IFBBProYeo]

33:36 secondary traumatic stress- This is exactly what happened to me in my job! Especially if you are an empath, feeling other people's trauma day in and day out without your own cleansing rituals and ways to cope can slowly ruin the job for you even though you may be the best in the world at it!! Caregivers/ therapists / trainers / medical personnel , take care of yourselves!

[@AndriaBieberDesigns]

I’ve been in an abusive marriage where I was given an allowance for groceries. Wasn’t allowed to have a debit card or a credit card. Every financial decision was made for me and was controlled. I wasn’t allowed to go shopping or spend any money without previous permission. I did not have a shopping problem. This was just somebody that was very, very controlling. I completely understand where this woman is coming from and I encourage all women to always have their own account with money in it. Because You will not be in a position again of having somebody control every single decision for you and if you want to leave, you need to be able to have money to do that. And yes, I’m currently married and yes, we share a checking account, but I also control the finances and we talk about what we’re doing together.

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; each is different. What works for one couple may not work for another. However, I've realized that there's always a way to resolve issues. Five years ago, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of marital difficulties, but we managed to reconcile.

[@oglaskubuot]

Your words hold great meaning, and I sincerely hope my sentiments are in harmony with yours. Despite our current separation, I cannot picture my life without her; my love for her is profound. I long to have her back, and I'm willing to make any sacrifice to achieve reconciliation. We've explored various paths, including therapy, in our journey to mend our relationship.

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

Releasing someone you love is always a daunting task, but in my situation, I had the support of a spiritual advisor who prevented the disintegration of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@oglaskubuot]

Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

I promise you will not regret it

[@NoEvidenceForGod]

Been married for 8 years and I'd say it's perfect. Complete mutual love, honesty, trust, respect and understanding (and without going into detail, a great sex life). We communicate through everything, never been angry/upset with each other and constantly express our love for each other in different ways (quality time, gifts, acts of service, etc). Neither of us are perfect people (understatement of the century), however the marriage itself fits the definition of 'perfect' as I understand it. Is it the exception to the rule? Sure. But that topic is separate to the actual existence of a perfect marriage.

[@jleezy612]

The people who went crazy over the phone thing are only upset because they have a guilty conscience. They obviously let their kids have their phones 24/7 and feel judged.

[@neisci]

Or they allow their child to be in the homes of people they don't know like that. It was dripping in parental guilt as you mentioned.

[@romancewriter6296]

@@neisci I normally agree with Dr. Delony, but not on this one. You never really know people, even family, which is why most abuse happen in the homes of those close to our children. Preventing my child from access to her cell phone when in someone else's home wouldn't go well with me at all. I understand why he does what he does, but my kid's cell phone is there for her safety and nothing else. She can't even surf the web on it, and has no video games on it, but she can text and/or call me and I track her location on it. I also have a neighbor who has a tracker in her daughter's shoes. I agree with what he states that giving a child a smartphone is giving the world access to them, but many cell phones are made for children with only access to mom and dad (grandma in my case as well). Never trust people with your children is my motto and I certainly wouldn't trust anyone who wants to take away their communication device, Dr. or not.

[@neisci]

@@romancewriter6296 if that is the case, don't send your child to those homes, you can host playdates or make them meet at the park. But throw a fit over other parents house rules like what happened in his comment section is wild. Parents hold the power, no reason huss and fuss. And ask about their house rules before sending them there.

[@romancewriter6296]

@@neisci For sure, I would not and have not. I'm merely answering because Dr. Delony has a huge platform and he presents his decision like it's the only rational one and I am presenting a counterpoint. Obviously, parents choose what is right for their child. Disagreeing is not throwing a fit, it's just disagreeeing. I'm sure he is a good dad and a good person, but if a parent ever told me something along those lines, I would refuse. I had to decline playdates only one time and it was for a different reason. The other parents were pretty surprised and did throw a fit, argued with me, etc. Their house, their rules, but one person's choice isn't nescessarily the best just because they have a platform. To me, it would be downright suspicious.

[@MattTerrell-gc9vw]

​@romancewriter6296 that's also a huge issue with society now. People can't disagree. People get all bent out of shape if you just disagree. It's natural to disagree with people. IF I had a no phone rule at my house, like his, and a parent disagreed with that. THATS FINE. I wouldn't feel any differently about them

[@francestaylor9156]

There’s a lot of smothering by parents. They don’t teach their kids how to read danger, they just insist on being there to protect them the whole time.

[@plousia]

Yes it's nuts. My parents were abusive but I'm thankful at least they weren't overprotective, at least not by today's standards. We ran all over the neighbourhood playing all day and our parents usually only had a vague idea of where we were. No cellphones in those days and we survived just fine.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

I had the complete opposite experience. My single mom was asleep in the tiny trashed apartment when I got home from playing down the alley late at night. I was 5 or 6 playing outside after dark. I was lucky enough to be very.. wild? Wild is the only way I can describe it. I could climb the 20ft school roof and not die. I knew to run when two strange men with old hats turned down the alley at night. She didn’t have to feed me. I ate strawberries all day across the street in the fields. I could fit under the tray between the rows when workers went by 😂 I knew to run at the SIGHT of the big dogs out there. But of course I’d play with the typical strays

[@seattlegirl2077]

I had an anxious, overprotective mother who still let me go and play outside. She had the parent phone numbers of those in the neighborhood and I knew my home phone!

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

Kids can read danger but they’re kids. They can’t get themselves out of the danger. No fucking way would I send my child to a house where they have to ask to contact me. I heard a story about a girl who went to her friends house for a sleep over. The dad drugged them. She was the only one who didn’t drink the drinks he brought them and texted her mom without him knowing. Mom showed up with the other parents and took the kids to the hospital where it was confirmed they had been drugged by the father. If he took their phones she would not have been able to do that and who knows what he would have done to them.

[@seattlegirl2077]

@@mmmmmmmm1942 So I"m 67. I didn't grow up with a cell phone. I went all around the neighborhood just fine growing up. How is a cell phone going to prevent someone from getting drugged?

[@analozada9475]

First call: I’m glad Dr. D called him out. Second call: one of the many reasons I gave up my healthcare profession, and swore to never date/marry a healthcare professional. Unfortunately, this is the price to pay to be married to overachievers, workaholics super successful partners. You will have nice things, but you won’t have a successful marriage and family.

[@caroldorsett8170]

Doctors make very difficult husbands for many reasons and I can list them all, this said as a wife of one for40 years, but from the first year it took a lot of sacrifice and willingness to just give in all the time, from me. He changed profession one year in without discussing it, then he decided to move across the country to take a position, it was to be only one year but was 9 until I called it, and those are just for starters that I feel comfortable to post. Really think if you are willing to do this or please call it!!!

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

@@caroldorsett8170completely agree with you. My husband did a couple of fellowships and wanted to do “just one more” when we were engaged. I stopped in my tracks and said, “you go and do whatever you think you need to do. I may or may not be here when you are finally ready to enter the real world.” We’ve been married 23 years. I chose to be happy with him.

[@annipsy2185]

youre never gonna be the first priority ....yeah

[@Kat-ip5ex]

My husband and I have been together for 25 years. We have 2 boys and we have Alway had separate accounts! It works for us, it’s normal.

[@sarahkay8784]

As someone 6mths post abusive controlling relationship, this guy is a walking red flag. To have zero compassion for the person he “loves” boggles my mind. I would always have a savings account with 5k in it, that I’m bringing into a new relationship and a car in my name, that I would also bring into my relationship. The rest we can handle together but a simple safety net is a requirement. There should be some level of understanding that I had ti ask for money to buy tampons and when after 18 years he decided to leave for a 25yo and I had zero money for a lawyer or a place to live.

[@gingerale_day]

He is a walking red flag. His lack of understanding and ability to work with her as an equal will result in another toxic relationship.

[@randybobandy9828]

Nonsense.. he would be forced to pay for your lawyer in a divorce.. that's how it works, if you didn't have an income in the marriage he would have been on the hook for your lawyer fees.

[@saralee848]

As someone several years out of an abusive marriage with someone who left me in a financial hole so deep it's taken me all these years to climb out of it, I completely sympathize with the first caller and wouldnt marry someone with a lot of debt until they got themselves on a better track. Of course he's concerned, and he is just finding out about this after they got engaged. That's hard.

[@IJest]

I've been a 911 dispatcher for 11 years, and I think Madison is doing well and has a lot of ambition and accomplishments, AND also values social connections which is crazy difficult for us because we work all the time. It's incredible, I hope she settles on something that she's happy doing.

[@wolfc8755]

I see no issue with a joint fund that's used to pay for all the shared expenses of a household and family, but for each adult to also have their own, separate account to do whatever they want with.

[@sabbyful]

Fresh out of residency, work is all consuming and it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last. There is sooo much pressure at the beginning to succeed and more so important, not fail. Surgeons can’t become family practitioners. They prefer their patients asleep.

[@createone100]

Seems like my GP would prefer her patients asleep. I’m looking for a new one. 😬

[@Love_cats584]

Healthcare is a different animal than most fields. Unless you’re in it, you can’t imagine how it truly consumes your life. My husband and I have both been in for over 20 yrs.

[@sonbossie1]

You can still have separate accounts and make a second marriage work. We share all the bills and have our separate accounts. I think the key is that you are both committed to building something strong financially together but separate.

[@randybobandy9828]

That makes no sense. "Build something financially together... But separate"

[@sonbossie1]

@@randybobandy9828 well that is in our situation. We got married later in life and have a blended family. So we have our separate finances.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

The first caller, I will call Mr Particular. He wants everything done 'a certain way' (which is HIS way, because he believes he is right about everything). Not an abuser as such, but a sulker when he does not get his way. Very difficult to live with someone like that. He also needs to know that learning is not a finite activity, whether through experience or books. What you may have thought was 'right' in your 20s was most likely naive, and you need to embrace new knowledge. Generally there is no 'one way', but a series of choices based upon available information or knowledge.

[@MicheleHerrmann]

Yes, he wants to in charge of everything. I'd run too.

[@erzabetf9544]

Men are conditioned to believe that this is “natural”. Women are supposed to submit to them. And they’re flummoxed when they discover that a woman is a human being who might have experiences that make her mistrust this phony “natural” order that only benefits men. I think his “ex-fiancée” should be wondering whether this relationship - or any relationship - is right for her. She could stay single until her kids are grown. That seems like a better option for a lot of women for a lot of reasons. Maybe if she could focus on herself, her kids, her finances, she’d be in a better financial position.

[@christinahek]

She dodged a bullet. This is another bad situation waiting to happen. He doesn’t have an energy of peace.

[@sassafrasstree7449]

100% agree. ​@@christinahek

[@roflpill]

He sounds young and willing to learn. I don't think he's hopeless. Marriages aren't perfect from the beginning, though some are fortunate to go into it with useful skills. Many people, especially those who've had trouble previously in relationships, will likely enter into their next relationship needing to learn to do and be better. If they love each other, they'll work with each other's challenges. He'll grow if he remains open.

[@trainwreckaf]

If you aren't comfortable with your kid leaving their phone in the bowl, then why would you send them over in the first place.

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

You never know what someone is capable of. No fucking way am I sending my kid anywhere they can’t contact me. I don’t care who that person is or how well I think I know them or their kids. I don’t want to deprive my child of friends so I’m going to assume that they’re safe but I’m not naive enough to think that they 100% are. There’s always a risk and a phone is a safety net. My child will not ever have to ask someone if they can contact me. And I will not have to ask someone permission to speak to my child either.

[@JuliaCloonan]

Regarding kids with phones, you’re so right. People are psychos. Let kids run in the woods and be free!!

[@elizabethlangheim7214]

Unless they get lost in the woods, then you’ll wish one of them had a phone.

[@ChrisAndCats]

​@elizabethlangheim7214 especially in America where there are wild animals like bears or mountain lions.

[@thelivingiseasy]

I don't see anything wrong with setting standards for visitors to your home, especially other children playing with your children. If parents don't like the phones in the bowl, their children can have play dates with other friends or at their houses. I don't understand the controversy. Especially as a public figure, I wouldn't want children running around recording tiktoks in my home either.

[@agricolaregs]

Would you give up your phone to enter a friend’s house.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

@@agricolaregs”give up” my phone to put it in a visible, accessible bowl on the kitchen counter? I can go in & pick up the phone at ANY time? It is NOT locked away, locked down? 🙄 Ooooh, scary🙄

[@thelivingiseasy]

@@agricolaregs Yes, and as a child, I found that times spent with friends without my phone were way more enjoyable than times spent with it. I received my first phone at 9 years old, earlier than most of my friends. My parents let me have unlimited access to the internet as a child, and because of what I experienced as a result of their choices, I will not let my children in the future have unlimited access, it's unsafe and irresponsible. Look at Zuckerberg testifying in congress "sorry" to all of the families of children who were victimized or harmed as the result of the lack of moderation of a platform that claimed to be safe and have appropriate measures in place to protect minor users. I was given cyber security lessons at my school from 5th grade on, and their recommendations of how children should interact with the internet back then were way more relaxed/casual than what is recommended today, after my age group has grown up and shared what we experienced.

[@itsallperfectlynormal9805]

​@agricolaregs we do camping and dinners where the phones are parked so everyone is present, and we're old! How is this different?

[@dorothywillms115]

@@agricolaregsdo it all the time. Cell phones are an addiction. I’m a gramma now but if I had worries I would leave my phone number with the parents and if I was uneasy about the parents or their home my kid simply wouldn’t be allowed to go. Sure they would pout a while but when they are older they would thank you. In fact,,,,,my daughter went to a Christian school in Europe when she was 19. She met a married man from Africa who wanted her as wife no.2. Thank God she reported him to the school and he was sent back to Africa.She wasn’t ready. Some kids are. She wanted me to come and tour with her school so I did. But she would have had a better time with some friends,,,,,even though she might have made some poor choices. So it drove me nuts when older men would come up to us on our travels and try to lure her away. She was naive and vulnerable and excited to see the world and she got real mad at me when I wouldn’t let her go out with strangers while we were in Venice. I’m still glad I stood my ground. That was 30 years ago. We didn’t have cell phones and even if we would have, I would have stood my ground or called her dad. lm glad I stood my ground. It happened everywhere we went. Perhaps the creeps were trying to get a rise out of me,the mom, but parenting is not exactly easy. Back here at home on our farm I thought we were 100%safe until we found out the neighbors boys were shooting their 22’s while the girls were horse back riding. My daughters were on the same school bus as these boys. About 6 years later these boys drove 1000 miles to see their mom and her new family. They killed all four of them with axes. I still don’t feel safe. Be wise. Be vigilant but hey we also have moose and bear around in our neck of the woods. The other night a stone drunk guy was walking home,just past us and someone called the cops on him. He could have been killed and he was in his 20’s. His cell phone was likely dead.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Love these calls. Second caller : from someone with a 6+ ACES score (which doesn't even account for some of the most traumatic and long lasting impacts from psychologically abusive family of origin stuff-born into cult with both parents different flavors of narcissistic personalities etc etc), learning how the early trauma factors contribute to a super heightened and pervasive negativity bias that ALL humans are hardwired with was very helpful. It helped me have a ton more compassion towards myself than I and so much of my family and friends have given myself about my "inability to just be happy". Additionally learning that some of my own deepest core wounds and the consistent abuses have caused and solidified a coping mechanism of perfectionistic striving to hopefully one day attain something that will be enough to be safe and loved. Maybe not your surgeon husband exact issue, but knowing there's something there that is his own pain and conditioned way of coping might help release some of the resentment and upset and allow a more compassionate lens for his outlook. There's a little kid in there that was never allowed to feel safe enough to enjoy the view as he went let alone as he summited the massive mountains he climbed to try to get his needs met.

[@kulsoomahsan4440]

There is a line in Cool Runnings: "A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it." It might be the struggle the surgeoun husband is having. He wants to strive for more because he's looking for something. Until he finds that something, he can't celebrate, he can't feel good or enjoy the life he has made with his family. But the thing he is looking for is not going to come from medical accomplishment or financial success or what have you. The things is much closer to home, in himself. And until he sees that, he can't appreciate anything around him or in his life.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Brilliant

[@bookaholicSimi]

Yes! Someone else who loves that movie ❤

[@parchitagourmet]

"you are lovable" "you are worth loving"... you said it to my little girl Dr, and Thank You for that

[@lms2379]

Being a surgeon is deeply satisfying, which is a different emotional category than happiness.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

Very well said.

[@kimmontenegro2258]

For years I was happy being satisfied, helping others, and feeling needed for my expertise. When it all crashed and burned (temporarily), it was alarming to realize how I had inextricable the letters after my name had become with my identity. Still grappling with this. Struggling with going back into healthcare even after taking the much needed break. But it is all in God's hands.

[@TipTheScales27]

I’m glad you love your job! Wish it wasn’t so expensive to get into. I would’ve loved to get into the medical profession but the cost keeps me back. And the long work hours also sound miserable

[@MzShonuff123]

We’re grateful for you and I’m sure your patients are, too

[@harrietbaker4484]

A safety net is important. People are People despite the good intentions.

[@sandykim5109]

This guy showed he wasn't safe because he broke the engagement.

[@zeroounce8874]

Exactly! Girl, do not go back to him.

[@randybobandy9828]

For good reason though.

[@francestaylor9156]

My husband is terrible with money. I’m an accountant. I do all the bills, taxes, paperwork, etc. I don’t expect him to do it or want him to do it honestly lol. I do show him when he asks about the finances. But he trusts that I know what I’m doing and I don’t hold it against him bc we’ve delegated the tasks this way. There’s always one person that does the finances in the marriage anyway. Don’t need both ppl doing separate finances… that’s a bit strange.

[@agricolaregs]

It’s not strange. But your way works as well.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

She may need a bit of time transitioning into the marriage. When you’ve been burned badly with infidelity, even financial, as a Mom, it’s about safety for those kids. So, I don’t think she’s awful wanting to protect her finances.

[@Dylan-ol2uf]

Love this! Glad john called it like it Is. But did it respectfully

[@monicahanson9654]

This is a huge power move on his part to get her to grovel and beg for him to come back. 🚩

[@IAmTamiGirl]

Im so glad Dr John called that out! Ive run into a few D.R. students in my day that had this arrogance over knowing it all over finances with no wiggle room for adjusting fire and none of them were financially secure they just boasted they were.

[@karenkelly7907]

Dr. Delony I really enjoy your conversations with guests , I feel I learn something about people and relationships every time. When you pause and take it all in , I feel you are putting yourself in their position to try and fell what they are feeling . You do an amazing job . Thank you

[@rakentrail]

Marriages work best when the partners are a team. Plans need to be made together!

[@carolethomas9808]

Been married, got kids, he is past change. Walk, girl. Walk fast.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Yeah, I’m not ready to condemn him- he’s not standing on his wall saying this far & no further. He’s asking John how to work it out, & he’s not ready to give up. John told him not to hang his entire decision on money, but to look at the bigger picture, share his vulnerability with her. Now, whether he listens to John, takes his advice- that’s another thing.

[@kimdawcatgirl]

Calling off a wedding, especially if there were plans involved, in my opinion, erodes security, which she already experienced a bad dose of. This is a red flag to me. I think this dude, by the way he explained himself and reacted to John, thought he had an ally in John. Too controlling. Red flag.

[@randybobandy9828]

Yes that's all your women's advice here.. just walk.. always walk.

[@Myglowtips]

The lady who‘s husband is a surgeon; he is every little influencer‘s dream man but little do they know, how much sacrifice it takes to be the partner of such a successful, high earner.

[@jennyjones-tw5hp]

I’ve seen very brilliant high earning women married to these kinds of guys and they seem happy but they pay for the things they don’t want to do (all that labor that can be done for less than they make hourly). On the other hand I’ve met far more women that don’t bring that to the table and most of them are at home alone and dependent on substances like pills or alcohol. It’s a lopsided power dynamic and a lot of relationships turn toxic because of it, if you can’t or don’t want to leave… you’ll find a way to cope.

[@stephaniec.5851]

​@@jennyjones-tw5hpgood point, my husband meant well for a long time (I assume), but the hundreds of working hours with his future affair were too tempting for him. Now he doesn't want to give me what is mine according to the law--lopsided power for sure. Thankfully there are laws

[@debbieanderson6740]

How is asking your kids friends to leave their phones in a bowl abuse. Unplugging is a heallthy thing.

[@romancewriter6296]

I don't think it's abuse, but I would refuse. To me, it's mostly a safety issue. My kids need to be able to contact me if something happens to them or if they feel unsafe. I know we want to trust other adults, but the thruth is we don't really know other people, especially other adult men. Ask me how I know: yes, it's what you think. My parents trusted my best friend's dad as well... and I've been abused at their house during a sleepover. There was no phones back then, so they had all the time they needed to convince me it was my fault. I would always be suspicious of an adult who wants to prevent my child from contacting me.

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

Are you a parent? A mother or a father? Is your child a boy or a girl? As a mother to a daughter the safety of a phone is more than obvious to me.

[@wonipowa7542]

@@romancewriter6296 I can see where you are coming from. There's some sick people in the world. I remember that one guy that got caught and arrested at a sleepover because one of the girl's pretended to sleep and called her parents/recorded the behavior.

[@marshareed1438]

Why are women called nags? Men will harp on stuff but they’re respected by people not calling them nags.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

YES!

[@MzShonuff123]

Misogyny! Hope that helps!

[@marshareed1438]

@@MzShonuff123 that’s exactly what I think! I was married for 30 yrs & my ex and I never called one another names. I honestly think that calling names, including nag is a serious character flaw! There’s a man trying to date me but I won’t bcz he calls women bitches when they make him mad, never me but if didn’t know my value I know that he would try it, but since I do he’s not getting an opportunity. As only friends if he ever calls me any names I will write him off as no friend at all…

[@Catmom-gl5nt]

I just have to add, since it’s incredibly timely in reference to his no phone rule. They just had in the newspaper today, a father who was an executive, that drugged his 13 year old and her friends during a sleepover. One girl refused to drink the laced shake and was able to call for rescue because she had her phone. She covertly texted until she could be rescued, the man kept coming down to see if she was asleep yet, she could not act openly. Perverts are generally the ones who say the loudest, I’m not a pervert. This man was a respected member of the community, I’m sure parents felt safe leaving their children at his house. If he had had a cell phones in the bowl rule, likely at least one child would have been molesters. When the girls were taken to the ER they tested positively for multiple high power sedatives. So, saying they can use a phone whenever they ask is worthless, as you are dependent on the morality of the individual.

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

This this this this. Phones are safety devices. And maybe men don’t understand that but as a woman, and mother of a daughter I 100% do. I would never ever send my child into a home that didn’t allow her to have her phone. That’s a massive red flag. You never know what a person is capable of or thinking.

[@Catmom-gl5nt]

Yes! I grew up playing outdoors, hiking, swimming, and fishing. Cell phones weren’t readily available then, but my parents always verified that I would have easy access to a phone. They were also incredibly selective about whose house I slept over at. The only family I could sleep over at will and went camping with was extremely well know to my family. They not only went to our synagogue, but my father did their taxes, and our mothers frequently chaperones field trips together. My father quite literally knew every single legal thing about them, as he did the business legal work as well. My point is, children deserve to have a childhood and it is parents’ responsibility to see that they get one, as safe from harm as possible. It’s fine for another parent to say no phones out while playing, or at the table, etc… but there’s no way you are confiscating my child’s phone. And having the wife do it on behalf of her husband? So many read flags, they’re having a parade.

[@janahogan-km8bx]

Omg,completely irrelevant to the situation,it’s insulting.

[@staciemcdonald4090]

I disagree, I think the woman should have a safety net in case it doesn’t work. She shouldn’t be forced to stay in an abusive relationship becuz she has no way out. I don’t think John can see this from a woman’s point of view. And the guy on the phone sounds controlling. You don’t do it my way I’m not marrying you. He said his ex-wife wasn’t doing what he wanted and how he wanted them raised so he divorced her. The new woman needs to run

[@amandab5222]

Exactly 💯

[@jsChelimo]

she should talk to his ex

[@sassafrasstree7449]

100%

[@Parakeetfriend4215]

AMEN to the "My parents don't get a vote". I really needed to hear that. I struggled with that even into my 40's, I think.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Surgeon call: start divesting yourselves of all the high status financial stuff. He needs to feel free to choose a lesser wage with lesser demands. Find a way to financially support his decision so the ENTIRE burden is NOT on him alone.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

That’s not it at all🙄

[@orielwiggins2225]

Great topics. Caller 1. It's all about finding out of your highest values align (not if they are identical, just of they are compatible). Eg, maybe your top values are your kids, financial security and having a sense of peace/understanding in your closest relationships. Maybe hers are relational/personal security (autonomy and mutuality) her kids and truly enjoying life as it is (being free to be authentic and fully present for experiencing daily and special occasions). These can be aligned. But it takes willingness to be much less married to the mode (Ramsey) than the values and the goals you both have decided together for your relationship (love, mutual security, respect, communication, and peace). You can find a way to make each other feel both financially secure and relationally secure without having to be Ramsey 100% just because of some stat. Especially since that stat also includes relationships that failed with shared accounts due to control etc (like she has been in) and ones that failed due to lack of open communication (like you've been in). You can find a compromise in the method without compromising your values. the folks who can do THAT are the stat that worked. Not the ones who did Ramsey perfectly.

[@selmamartin8737]

Relate to the surgeon. I retired after teaching more than 30 years. I tutor part time at the school I was at for all of that time. Tutoring is a great part time job. Almost every teacher I know is so burned out and beat down. Very sad

[@TheEquiss]

I will never ever share an account with anyone again. He’s right to question her debt and spending habits.

[@megalopolis2015]

When you're married, you have to trust your spouse. If you have separate accounts, a prenup, and different Lives, then don't bother getting married. Just get a roommate, so you can occasionally share food and sports, and split the rent, utilities, and doing dishes and taking turns buying the dish soap.

[@DuffyGabi]

Sounds like you should remain single.

[@evigmann525]

He pulls her out of debt. Then one day she doesnt "feel that spark anymore" and leaves

[@SaystheTruth3]

​@@DuffyGabiwrong ... He needs to trust somebody 100%

[@genopolanco1707]

@@megalopolis2015and I say people who have issues with prenups don’t have the best intentions or trust either.

[@Muzzy0085]

No. I appreciate his advice but getting into debt when getting married is a big no from me.

[@j.d.7569]

Love your cell phone rules….so thankful there are people out there who have some sense ❤

[@amathans]

Me and my husband have never shared a bank account, I don’t think we ever will. We don’t see the need to. We have been together for 24 years and married for 20 years and we are still very happily married. We have three wonderful children. We discuss finances obviously. We are open with finances and on the same page. But we have never wanted to share a bank account. How we run things works. We still very much share money/financial stuff etc. sharing bank accounts is not for us.

[@IFBBProYeo]

24:53 I feel for her. She's lonely. She loves him dearly, but its just as clinical as the job at times. Just say it girl!!! I think she's afraid to say it because if she doesn't stay optimistic with her whole heart, she's just going to boil over with all the things that have caused her deep sadness. She hasn't felt like a lover in years. 😥😥😥 It is so hard to Tell your significant other what you need, especially when they work so so hard because it feels like telling them that all their efforts still aren't enough.

[@Purple-salamander]

I would never ever share a checking account. Separate financials

[@bernatkakietlinska8771]

Those calls are soooo helpfull! Thank You! Greetings from Poland👋

[@laurao8099]

I have heard a lot of parents say they let their kids have a cell phone when they are at a friend's house because there are cases where the parents do not treat their kid right. Whether the parents meet the other parents or not they know that there are parents out there that can seem friendly and nice and still live a double life.

[@liz9284]

This is what ppl ALWAYS do, they believe the extreme is the norm, and base their opinions and everyday actions on the things that rarely happen. Kinda like wearing eclipse glasses 365 days a year just bc the sun exists. (I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to reference the eclipse, and finally got it. What a relief….😂)

[@curiousone6129]

Once you have personally experienced the worst from someone you trusted completely,, how can you ever be assured that doesn't happen again, unless you refuse to repeat the same mistake you made previously?

[@liz9284]

@@curiousone6129 if by “repeating mistakes” you mean “trusting ppl”, then I would say this-there is the kind of naive trust we have in others as babies and young children, we trust simply bc we don’t understand concepts like betrayal yet. And then betrayal happens at some point, and we confront malevolence. At that point, we become acutely aware of another persons capacity to harm us, and ours to harm them. Ppl often say “I’ll never trust anyone again”, and while i understand where that comes from, I don’t view that as living full life. It’s not resilient, it’s fragile. You become a thing that must be protected at all times bc you cannot “survive” another betrayal. Which is bullshit, it’s running just to exist. The strongest a person can be, IMO, is knowing that a person you deem worthy of your love and respect could burn you, so you don’t go into it naively-you know they could tear you apart-and you choose to trust them anyway bc you know you’ll survive and live your best life, even if you’re hurt again. In other words, naively trusting ppl will get burned and they do it bc they trusted the wrong person. When that happens, they have a choice to make-either withdraw to protect themselves, denying them and everyone else of all that love and potential, OR they’re willing to trust again, but selectively. They learn to trust themselves during the process. Even if they get burned again, I don’t see that as “repeating mistakes”, I see that as tuning their mental and emotional engine, so long as they’re willing to learn as they go. The thing is…we are ALL capable of harming others, we carry that potential. We can betray just as easily as we were betrayed if certain conditions are met in whatever is going on. Acknowledging that, and letting it really sink in, makes interacting with others, loving and trusting them, a lot less scary. At least it does for me.

[@jpcan2023]

about a cellphone rule. Woah, I'm shocked so many parents are just so not parenting! Kids need to play, they need to learn how to live without cell phones for the time they're having fun. They all know Dr.John's family, it's not like they kidnapped the kids. Gees, let them be kids and trust your friends' families! I grew up without a cell phone and it was great! Let them be kids!!! I feel he just wasn't ready to commit and maybe from a bad experience of the past relationships, he wants someone perfect. There's no perfect partner, you have to build that perfect relationships together with your partner and kids. I love how Dr.John just digs deep inside to the patient's emotions.

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

Cell phones are a safety thing. End of story. You take that away from my kid I don’t see you as safe.

[@cherylm7321]

@@mmmmmmmm1942 Cell phones are also a hotbed of pornography, of sexting, and of constant use. If a group of children all has cellphones and little adult oversight, I don't feel safe sending my children into that setting.

[@beiliangzhu]

I love the second call. The lady is so practical and right to the point. Best wishes to them all!

[@08qbert]

My view is you did it right by breaking off. For now, stay back and re-evaluate. A blended family is chaotic already. Find out why she has debts, why bounced checks. Is she a shopper. Don’t jump in until you know who she really is and what you are willing to take on. You have to be smarter with 2nd marriage.

[@LolaB82]

His ex fiancée is better off without him His attitude about control will spill over in to other things.

[@ruthyk7083]

It's a mismatch. Each one is entitled to their MO. But it's not gonna work if this is the dynamic.

[@zeroounce8874]

1000% she is better off without him.

[@user-hr1ql2fu3f]

Dr John, I disagree making the woman say her marriage is not good. She is putting everything that she has into her marriage. Don’t’ insist that she invalidate herself. They may have some issues, It doesn’t mean, say everything is in the toilet. Have some compassion and don’t put words in her mouth.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

Yes! Thst pissed me off. I’m married to a surgeon so I know what she’s talking about. It’s not that their marriage isn’t good, it’s that it’s different than she thought it would be. I’ve been there, done that myself.

[@giselatepe9143]

Been together with my partner for 20 years, married 12. Second marriage for me, first for him. We are definitley on the same page financially, but I would never ever give up my own bank account in a relationship. We have a joint account for all of our running expenses incl. travel, savings and investments. In addition we each have our own bank accounts for any discretionary spending - clothing, gifts, gas etc. So many people we know find it hard to talk about money and financial goals, or woman giving their entire finances over to their husband. Communication is the key!

[@OopThereItIs77777]

You can always tell what man you should and SHOULD not hand your finances over to. There are always signs.

[@David-wo9un]

I really love the line/perspective; you only have one life!

[@stingray0033]

That surgeon's wife wants to be a surgeons wife but she also wants to complain about being a surgeons wife. She resents not getting the good parts of being this doctor's wife and the thought of him not being in this esteemed position is not doing it for her

[@KendraFedrau]

Madison, you sweetheart! You sound amazing. I think the real you shone out on this call, and maybe your ‘friends’ haven’t seen that part of you. But John’s not just saying that to be nice. You are amazing. For growing past your family’s dysfunction, for taking an honest look at yourself and asking the hard questions, for owning what’s yours to change, for fighting so hard, for recognizing that your family loves you and not writing them off. All the best to you sister!❤

[@badclown08]

Thank you John, expectations are changing so fast but I believe that it’s so important to raise the next generation like the last generation. The elders are the teachers of information that should be taught. The next generation will get where they are going without our help as far as going forward. It’s our responsibility to learn them of the past. I disagree with your perspective sometimes but I am spot on with this message. My grandson is 7, when he was 18 mos old I (a woman) had him help me change a spark plug on the lawn mower & help me pick out the right socket and replace it. Giving info to the next generation is our responsibility. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day teach him man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

[@Imaginarysonics]

Third caller: The people who always complain about people being draining are ALWAYS the ones who are draining themselves. I can hear the drama and immaturity oozing off her that she creates everywhere she goes but thinks just "happens to her".

[@rachelgooden9981]

Omg this! I’m sure she’s very toxic

[@0rnery0verwatch]

Every. single. time. you hear someone say they "dont do drama", you can rest assured they're the ones drumming it up and then getting butt hurt when they're eventually called out on it.

[@thecramptons]

100%

[@rebeccawebb6183]

Like he said…. Common denominator.

[@randybobandy9828]

That's not true at all.

[@justwondrin]

I just want to send the last caller a bouquet of flowers and a note saying have a beautiful day! She may have a hard time creating good intimate relationships but the fact that she takes ALL that energy and turns it outward to try and slay the dragons is, to me, proof there is a warm beating heart and she deserves love in her own life.

[@Mimi-Mimi668]

I think a big problem in relationships these days is people think you needs to agree on everything to be in a successful relationship/marriage

[@theawesomelamp9476]

9:54 he doesn’t understand that he is creating the problem that ends marriages it’s about being in the same page not tell someone how it’s going to be

[@cherylvisconti]

He’s a controlling narcissist; so no he does not understand. It’s his way or the highway.

[@theawesomelamp9476]

@@cherylvisconti well that’s extreme but maybe he is definitely controlling but you can’t diagnose people

[@cherylvisconti]

@@theawesomelamp9476 it’s my opinion from experience! I never said I diagnosed him as such.

[@MzShonuff123]

He understands-he thinks he’s right and is angry he’s being held accountable for his bad behavior

[@_JanetLouise]

good job addressing the kids / phones / parents issue.

[@Something-vague]

lol. Remember the days when you had to call the actual parents of the child to have your child come over to play. Are parents not talking to other parents these days? Sir, you are not the one with the issue here… parents should know whose house their kids are at and know what time they are coming home, they should ask if you need help with snacks and little things like this, etc… and of course, kids should be able to call their parents and vis versa. But it’s as simple as COMMUNICATION. If your kid is outside playing in the yard and you have the parents cell phone number and you need to talk to your kid, call the parent who is watching your child! If you don’t trust the parent, don’t let your kids go over there. Hello! It’s a good idea to hold phones in one place, too, btw. So parents don’t get blamed for a lost phone… so simple

[@sisselhansen3915]

It has to be so good to grow up in your home ❤🎉, John Deloney 🙏 My childhood was wonderful but puberty was HELL, so I began escaping reality with my older sister, well, my life is so wild and messy, it's impossible to explain in ",just" a long comment! Became clean few years ago, my sister many many years ago 😍 I ran to Spain, 🇪🇦 and have been here during the last 30 years... Until my Man died of cancer the 11/09, 2020. Then, I went totally DOWN and "fell" in the door in a NA- meeting, I was so sad & alone and at last I felt I was Home💝.

[@skyriderof-the-spaceways7960]

This guys feelings are valid. Is not that I think I’m better than you. In this economy TODAY. Severe Financial responsibility will be the death of someone. Who in their right mind wants to deal with that?

[@elfriededrunus6402]

It is ALWAYS the right decision to cancel a wedding if you are questioning it. Only go through with it if you're 100 % sure. It's better to stay single forever than marry the wrong person.

[@dianamerren1317]

I grew up before cell phones, and we managed. I find it fun that people don't think kids can get along .

[@DevHazy]

Before cell phones? Kids were getting raped all the time. Let’s not demonize cell phones when they can be a lifeline these days

[@mmmmmmmm1942]

Managed? Do you know how many children were abducted or r*ped or m*lested? Like cmon bro

[@krisg71]

This law student is awesome. I'd be her friend for sure! I really appreciated her comments and experience.

[@shannonb7438]

If you dont trust the household that your kid is going to they shouldn't be going anyway

[@jackiemills4160]

I don't agree with just having 1 account when married. I'm yes, do a joint account, but also need your own so don't have to feel like needing permission to buy something. Major purchases yes from joint, bills etc. in the end both feel safe. My personal experience my X we had a joint nothing of my own, when we split, he took all the money and I was left with nothing. So this man who wedding was cancelled is not wrong or right. He needs to what is right for them.

[@DianaLitvin]

I love Dr. John and his willingness to see kindness in all of the humanity. But I think sometimes he forgets that there are sycophants that might be calling his show as well.

[@rebekahgrijalva2720]

The opening sounded so strange without the music, I felt like I was being scolded LOL

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

I know, right?!?! So weird!

[@brooke9847]

I know this isn't the same situation but I did read of a story where girl was at a sleepover at a friends house and she wasn't allowed to have her cell phone and when the girl became uncomfortable that night because of the older brother of her friend the mother would not let the girl call her parents to come get her. That is why a lot of parents probably pushed back on your no cell phone policy. I don't disagree with your rule at all but I definitely see both sides of it.

[@MiamiChica]

Agreed with this 100%. Kids should at least be given flip phones or some kind of communication device in case they are in danger.

[@mariabeckwith3336]

There was a world without cell phones. Stop distilling fears in your children.

[@brooke9847]

@@mariabeckwith3336 It's not instilling fear into my child by giving them a means of communication if they feel unsafe. I will use available tools to ensure my child's safety to the best of my ability. Why not use the things that make life safer and easier in a responsible manner?

[@DevHazy]

Exactly. He needs to realize that if they trust him and wife it’s fine but if any other adults or older teens are there then he needs to realize it’s unsafe …. I would be super scared if my kids were at a house where I didn’t trust one person or know the adults coming by

[@DevHazy]

@@mariabeckwith3336stop ignoring people’s abuse and trauma

[@yesseniaduran921]

If I was the woman, I wouldn’t take him back. This was his reaction to a problem that was mainly his issue to deal with instead of communicating his concerns and working it out, compromising, finding a middle ground? Ummm yeah no, I am not marrying someone like that.

[@karmaclanton5544]

Love your cell phone policy!!! Awesome, thank you!!! More parent should be like you!!!

[@rn2787]

I don't think kids should be on the phone 24/7. However, when I was abused I had to wait until the person fell asleep and walk to a payphone to call police. I had to sneak back in and pretend to be asleep until the police came to make sure they didn't hurt my sibling. You know that you won't hurt those children, but we all know that they don't look dangerous. They are your friend's dad, the babysitter, brother, uncle, coach, etc... it's hardly ever a stranger. They don't let you use the phone or they watch you call. Keep that in mind when you judge other parents for wanting them to have their phones with them.

[@VanaSamuel]

He doesn’t think she “unworthy” he’s trying to protect himself. He didn’t disclose whether or not he can afford to pick up her financial mess

[@sarahbergman117]

Exactly

[@Antibeautyguru]

A marriage should NOT be about if the person has finance issues. I get if they’re awful with money but it seems like she just isn’t perfect with money. I think if you’re choosing not to get married because your fiancé doesn’t have the best finances you’re getting married for the wrong reasons.

[@aVo_001]

I wouldn’t marry someone with debt neither of us have any hope of paying off. I don’t care how much I like them. If we cannot get a roadmap to at least a semblance of financial stability then we can’t build a household or a life together.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

@@Antibeautyguruif you’ve been married to someone who consistently makes poor financial decisions, or hides things- they can ruin you as your legally married partner.

[@Diametricallyopposed00]

Does anyone else feel like we are frequently missing context or information given by the caller? John gives his assessment of things based on details we’ve not heard. Whoever is editing the call for the episode isn’t doing a great job IMO. Is it just me?

[@LSSYLondon]

Doctors are the most miserable people I have ever talked to. They put in so much work. They hate life. The other ones are teachers. They also hate life.

[@lyndalamb3221]

i was a high school teacher for 27 years and I ddint hate life-but now that I'm retired I sure do like having a life that's not determined by the requirements of my job(and no summers were not totally free either)

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

It’s because of the way are treated now versus when their parents were doctors.

[@MaggieMay1013]

Surgery is an insanely intense vocation. However, family medicine is also incredibly demanding in different ways. If he’s bored and feeling unchallenged in the advanced speciality he’s chosen, I’m not convinced it’s about switching specialties. My dad was an oncology nurse for decades. It was stressful and challenging, and he tried switching to working in a doctor’s office and on less demanding units in the hospital, but he was completely bored and unsatisfied and went back to oncology every time.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

He will be fine. Entering the real world of adult life is hard when you are 32-34 yo (age of most surgeons when they finish training). It’s a big adjustment and they are overwhelmed.

[@MzShonuff123]

I’m a Labor and Delivery nurse and people get burnt out and go do something less intense like Quality all the time but they end up back at the bedside, even if it’s just a shift a week. The grind is rough but the satisfaction is ultimately worth it

[@bcc7777]

Second caller: after getting a teaching degree, a huge percentage of those people decide not to be a teachers. I am 41 and struggling, because teaching is so overwhelming. I'm literally cleaning carpets with a friend's company and way more happy. Also, when I was married (I'm now widowed), I learned that I am not happy when I don't work. You may or may not be this type of mom, but you might feel more fulfilled working part time. But I'd have a serious conversation with your husband on what would make him happy and if he's truly happy doing what he's doing. Maybe he'd be happier opening a private practice? It would be a lot of work, but worth it in the end.

[@patriciat5323]

Omg! Dr John is so amazing!!! Tells it like it is 💯 brutally and beautifully honest. Yeah!!

[@marksimmons7906]

I’ve got a fifteen year old. I love your idea of collecting phones. These kids are FINE, they are SAFE, and they are addicted to their screens. It’s maddening to watch them get together just to not even look at each other and I see it all the time. So no, you’re not crazy. You and I are also the same age, and that explains some things about our approach. But I know the other parents, we know where are kids are, they can just BE where they are without needing to be tethered.

[@lisaobesaful]

I miss the summaries at the bottom of the screen. Love the show!

[@IMOO1896]

Going thru Financial peace seems like a red flag to me.

[@PrintMuva]

So you like being broke?

[@maryperrysmith5815]

Dr John. You never know how people are going to react if the relationship goes down!!!!