Watch this if you identify as an empath

[@crystalbender5490]

Self consciously choosing people who need you… that hit. If you don’t need me than why would I be here? 🤯

[@naturalhealingmexico]

That's a very narcissistic attitude isn't?

[@malwads1836]

​@@naturalhealingmexico🤔Actually it would be narcissistic if you were choosing people to serve you & gain from...For codependent folks they oftentimes DO really care deeply for others literally to the point of forgetting about even taking care of their own needs because they're so concerned about the other person & if they're ok.Codependency has some similarities & it is toxic in it's own way, but it is inherently different from narcissism.A narc DRAINS others until there's nothing left...But a codependent will desperately try to fill up a empty person until they drain themselves dry.This is why narcs ❤️ to prey on codependent types...It's like a buffet for them😬.We actually need to encourage codependents to focus more on themselves & their own basic emotional needs.

[@patricehoward9831]

Nicole has enslaved strangers for years when she has a platform on healing. She has scammed many people into believing she's helping them, that she can help them heal, that she has great advice and insight, an expert. That's been her scam for years.

[@naturalhealingmexico]

@@patricehoward9831 can you elaborate more please

[@mandyxxxlove]

@@patricehoward9831Do you have proof of this or just hearsay/rumors?? 🧐

[@Lighttanguitar]

The cat will teach us how to set healthy boundaries.

[@katrinat.3032]

Enter cat, stage left😁🐈

[@Fruit_bowl_Birds]

I heard this quote that said if he doesn’t like cats he’s a red flag. Cats have good boundaries.

[@amber40494]

​@Fruit_bowl_Birds they do!! Haha. My 14 pound alpha kitty isn't going to over give!!

[@jillaristeo3194]

Behavior is the most powerful form of communication.

[@annier895]

Actions speak louder than words eh

[@Claudia-lq3ns]

Amen ⭐️

[@crptnite]

No it isn't. Energy is. The problem is that most humans are still such primitive creatures that instead of Reading Energy, they observe and judge the behavior of others.

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@crptniteEh, energy can deceive too. Especially displaced energy. Same with body language.

[@phoenix_rising1375]

​@crptnite I would argue that our primitive nature is actually what gives us the advantage in reading others energy... it's our mind and generational trauma/ societal programming that teaches us to ignore our instincts and make decisions that don't truly benefit us. Most people can detect when someone's energy does not align with their behavior...they've just been conditioned to mistrust themselves and give allowances to the actions of others. For example, your comment portrayed an energy of arrogance and superiority to me that I don't align with, yet I also understand how text can come off wrong, and I believe your words were well intended...

[@elkekirkpatrick6481]

When you're raised by dysregulated parent who is emotionally stunted and functioning at a 5-year-old level, you are going to be needed, possibly more needed than loved or accepted or understood or supported. If the love is conditional on your perfect performance, being needed is as good as it gets. Being overly attuned to others' moods is necessary for knowing when to take cover. The recommendation to seek healing from codependency is spot on.

[@foilbyjennifer320]

This is similar to my own thoughts. Also, I set boundaries with my mother that has dementia and it doesn't work well. I live with her and care for her. Now that I know what's gone on and have been in therapy for 5 years, I finally get it.

[@littleiodine9480]

You must have been watching my so-called childhood!!! 🤣😂

[@SuperBlakes2]

So well said.

[@jenifernadeau]

I'm so sorry you got parentified, which of course makes you then be hyper vigilant. It takes time to break those patterns and set boundaries and keep the focus on yourself now and parent that inner child that never got to enjoy its childhood..... I had two parents who were the babies that needed the attention, and what can happen is you don't really even remember much of your childhood because you didn't get to fully experience it. People may come to you and say, hey do you remember when...... and you're like..... nope! It's uncomfortable at first, to put yourself first and say no to those who are needy, but they have their own journey and they have made their own choices, it's not our responsibility to disable and enable them, which actually is telling them that we don't trust them to make their own decisions, or use their free will to make mistakes Etc

[@elkekirkpatrick6481]

@@jenifernadeau so beautifully described, your understanding is at such a helpful level! You made me see that having my parents get divorced was a blessing because one overgrown bully was enough. Reconnecting to oneself is such a process that I've had to prioritize. Finding people like yourself who understand is a precious form of encouragement!

[@ryannesumbry4130]

The cat 🐈 was in therapy session ❤

[@kathleenmoynihan9933]

Meow. Boundaries don't apply to me. Meow.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

@@kathleenmoynihan9933 haha 😂

[@justanotherjessica]

My cats love joining me when I have therapy sessions online. I call them my therapy cats lol.

[@mothdust1634]

If I could go to a therapy office and have a cat there it would motivate me to continue just for the cat.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

@@mothdust1634 😂😂

[@nathalieduverna6963]

Have empathy for yourself!!!!

[@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz]

that isn't a command one can make. there are ingredients required for that, and those ingredients are not present.

[@franchescavandyk8149]

Facts. I don't have any empathy, and there are mental illnesses that are linked to a lack or no empathy. I am bipolar with high psychopathy traits which both are known to lack and/or have no empathy. ​@@BigIndianBindi-jy1cz

[@kdmarrison8845]

Why pay for the scam of a psychotherapist to ensure that you contain to wallow in the past

[@Ann963]

@@kdmarrison8845what?

[@jenifernadeau]

That's why they say, put your own oxygen mask on first ;-). Always remember that one❤

[@lilyl5492]

"when people's behaviour is hurtful your role is to be straight forward. let them know the impact" takes a lot to learn and practice this!

[@marysullivan3881]

I was trained by my parents to not set boundaries and to always put myself last. If anyone shows they care about my feelings I feel the need to escape. When I was a kid it would lead to punishment.

[@mothdust1634]

Anything good that happened to me was thrown back in my face. I don't like presents because it always made me owe people.

[@merin5230]

😢 Be strong. Co Dependency

[@merin5230]

Excuse the typos. The algorithm would let me edit the spelling and grammar.

[@ELLA888]

ME too😢

[@aywancfc]

Same here ❤ I relate so much. You are not alone❤

[@divinetrouble66]

I am in my first relationship in which I am not needed, rather i am wanted. It is wonderful and weird. It is showing me my value.

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@godzillamanstreb524]

How cool

[@patriciaobrien6600]

Same and it's wonderful ❤❤

[@EvannaLily123]

I am so happy for you! Wish you the best🌻

[@jenifernadeau]

Me too!. It means you've done a lot of the inner work because you can only attract the same level that you are at, internally. But the work never ends. They can only see you as they see themselves, and vice versa❤ it takes practice consistency and continuous inner work to recognize that you were always valuable and worthy since the day you were born, the dysfunctional family members around you are what program do subliminally and subconsciously, because of their lack of value and worth..... to believe that you were not. Kids can only learn what they see, so to create a healthy balanced regulated emotional spiritual financial and physical life... when you've had no example is difficult, of course. They weren't setting good examples of how to build Safety and Security and balance within yourself, because there was a survival mode when you were a child that gets carried with you into adulthood. And none of that is needed now but it must be acknowledged loved and released❤

[@10outof10x]

Unconsciously choosing ppl who need me so I never have to do the hard, uncomfortable work of looking within

[@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper]

The summation of how I lived my life pretty much until a little over ten years ago. Now I have definitely had a few very difficult moments since deciding to live authentically and have a little more honesty about myself and my motivations but I don’t regret it that I have been doing this work.! Wish I had known that I would be revealing myself more than I was fearing it might destroy me now I would have begun years earlier but better late than never Something is better and sometime the only way out is through.❤

[@palestar828]

That doesn't make much sense. EVERYONE has to do the work of looking within no matter what "side" you are on

[@jenifermullin7168]

It's an addiction for the women in my family, work, do, be seen-> not heard!...they are important, see! They* need* Me! But- I'm your daughter...I need You! No response...(😮‍💨🥺😔😶->all me, in the cycle you'd think I'd have learned from by now)

[@aywancfc]

So true, it did feel harder to take a good hard look at the ways I am not looking out for myself-setting those boundaries, vocalizing my hurt/pain to the right people. I relate ❤

[@carla89cc]

This is why empaths get stuck in relationships with narcissists/users!

[@casperinsight3524]

Sad but true N's are needy greedy takers Co dependants need to set boundaries to stop over doing and start receiving. Co dependants need to learn to take care of themselves first & foremost 💟

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

She just said empath is not what it is it's usually codependent

[@kanugha]

Narcissists love codependents also

[@stevencook4002]

@@LeahDyson-kq4bdRight. I’m tired of co-dependent people virtue signaling because they think they’re empaths.

[@PENGUINGIRL1210]

It’s hard for me to differentiate between empathy and hyperawareness because I grew up having to be hyperaware of everything and especially moods. I also had to be good at reading emotions and suppressing/mirroring my own in favor of others. This can definitely appear to be empath-like

[@sunnyjanemakeup3622]

Yes same here !!

[@CrystalClearStar]

What you’re speaking about is what humans have done forever for basic survival. People become empathic BECAUSE they’re hypersensitive as a need to survive. Being unable to recognize others social survival cues would have had you in great danger. This is starting to feel blatantly like a training program to teach people to disconnect from actual human beings and our experiences as humans.

[@peachlue6100]

​@CrystalClearTarot1111 I think they were talking about being hyper vigilant as a result of trauma. Which is different than when people simply look around and read the emotions of the people around them. I don't think anyone was trying to say that you can't be an empath without trauma, but more so just discussing similar experiences.

[@PENGUINGIRL1210]

@@CrystalClearStar I’m curious what you mean by it’s training people to disconnect. Could you explain more?

[@PENGUINGIRL1210]

@@peachlue6100 Yes, I was referring to being hypervigilant. Being aware is natural but being hyperaware makes you tired and constantly anxious

[@arininquotes8396]

You're not an empath, you're a highly justice sensitive person who learned to survive complex interpersonal relationships by becoming a people pleaser. Even the people you take care of in this way want to see you heal and learn boundaries to treat yourself with the care you exhaust yourself giving to others 💕

[@stevencook4002]

Yeah, “giving” to get your needs met isn’t really giving.

[@desiredium]

I think as an empath, I just overdo the "putting myself in their shoes" bit and get sucked into a drama that's not mine. I feel for everyone and my mind just scrambles. Being an empath and people pleaser is the worst combination ever.

[@cc1k435]

It becomes very hard to distinguish if what you're feeling is actually coming from you anymore or if it really belongs to someone else. 😢

[@MM-de9yg]

I felt this!!!!

[@desiredium]

You'd think I'd feel happy to read these replies, but ironically, I just feel your pain too. 😞

[@Padraigp]

Empathising is being able to put yourself in other shoes for sure. But everything you feel belongs to you. Is your responsibility. Being able to understand that somone feels sad and knowing how that feels yourself is empathy. Believing you feel everyone else's feelings is a delusion. You feel your feelings. And if somone has not told you I feel sad then you are projecting your emotions onto others and seeing sadness in others when it's actually in you. You cannot feel anything except your own feelings. That is not possible. So when you see someone and decide they feel sad and feel sad that's all happening in your head and in your emotions. It's nothing to do with them. Or being empathic. Being empathic is being able to see somone is sad and knowing what that is like and understanding they need a friend or a smile or cheering up. It is not being consumed by other people's problems. It is not feeling sad when somonne else is sad. It is understanding what sadness is and how to be the supporter or a sad person or to share joy with someone. It is not vetting caught up in somone elses emotions because that just doesn't exist. That's like saying you are a good doctor because when somone sneezes you fall down with the flu. A good doctor understands the symptoms and what the disease might be and how to cure that disease ..not getting sick themselves and then blaming others for that. Being codependant means you don't have or understand the boundaries. Where what you feel belongs to you. What others feel belongs to them you get a kick out of other people's emotions stirring your emotions and don't take responsibility for yourself in that moment because you lack understanding of the boundaries. Other people's emotions are theirs. Stop riding on other people's waves. Find your own.

[@Padraigp]

​@@cc1k435it's very simple. Everything you feel belongs to you. End of.

[@aaronjohn6586]

I once saw a cement truck that had the slogan written on the side of it "Find a need and fill it" That to me summed up how enabling I was at that time. It's 1 thing to have empathy for another but seeing how my connection was based on my need to be needed. Really showed me how much healing and boundary setting I had to do for me. I had to create boundaries within myself to stop the almost pathological need to connect with other people.

[@CrystalClearStar]

You’re not a robot. You’re a human being. People evolved to look after each other, to provide for each other, to build relationships in small communities. Everyone’s survival depended on a pathological need to connect to other people. IMO… Some of this self help material is training people into disassociating from what it even means to be a human. Like yeah in this world you need to learn to not have expectations of other people so that you’re emotionally secure in the event that the relationship or friendship breaks down, but the idea that there is something wrong with a human wanting to feel needed is just sadly incorrect to me.

[@tutatuta1146]

@@CrystalClearStar ❤❤

[@ThisIsNotMyHome]

​@CrystalClearStar I can see your point, but I think this is meant for those of us who have an imbalance of need.. that the need has caused them to keep self sacrificing, being neglectful of fulfilling their needs because they've been trained to put others first which is invalidating their own sense of self. As adults, we're often oblivious that we are enabling ourselves to be harmed, and how that can have harmful effects on our relationships with loved ones. Being of service/need and being needed is healthy when there's balance to it and it's not sacrificing one's sense of self to fulfill that need or enabling others. People who've become codependent as a trauma response or bond have a difficult time discerning this. The repeated patterns have developed into a learned behavior that we perceive as normal and can't recognize what's healthy vs unhealthy. So it doesn't get addressed, but it will manifest in other ways. There will always be ones who don't reflect inwards enough and take videos like this and misuse it to serve themselves in a selfish manner. Where they can't see beyond their present perspective and feel validated and therefore, righteous. Like the ones hollering respect my boundaries, yet can't see when they don't respect others as being an issue. They need more inner reflection and work. But they've misconstrued that feeling of validation (like from watching videos like this) with a bit of self righteousness. So I do think these mental health influencers should spend more time on elaborating and bringing more clarity on balance of empathy and support during the process of self healing. Some ppl don't realize that their so called boundaries aren't as healthy as they think, either.

[@julianneh.1768]

Isn't a need to be needed normal and healthy need in and off itself? It's the poor boundaries while doing it that's the issue is the way I understand it. Nothing to be ashamed of to have needs or to have a need to be needed. Yesterday I watched a video that said something along the lines of, "learn to do what each relationship requires". To me that meant having boundaries about filling roles and needs, and evaluating and giving that person/relationship what is the correct amount/level of giving for me. For some that might mean I avoid talking to them to not become better acquainted with them, deciding to only see/visit with a person every 6 months, to more carefully observe and evaluate who I give my resources to and why I'm giving them. I had for many years of my life done relationships in terms of doing what what was required for that relationship to survive. NO MORE. I'm no longer a child ensuring my own survival, doing what had to be done to fill in what was needed for that relationship to be "successful".

[@siemkens]

Saying no is hard. People pleasing is exhausting.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

It really is

[@susansmith493]

Tell me your faults. "I care too much."

[@aratneerg3699]

Thank you. Finally somebody is calling out people who think they are empaths. It IS codependency. Healthy people have empathy for themselves first and share what is then left over. Hopefully, this helps people to then learn how to develop empathy for themselves. I had to do this, and now I am strong because I am self reliable. I am now working to build this bigger so that it overflows to others who need it, but ultimately, that means teaching others how to have self empathy. Keep up the great work. You are so good.

[@christina3521]

Brilliant. Subconsciously picking people who need us in order to be validated. Yep! Also another layer can be choosing that dynamic in order to be in control - and potentially be in control of someone else 🤪 under the layer of the poor me cleaning up/saving everyone. All the tricky layers! Love this channel💜💜💜

[@mercedessanchez6844]

Spot on!

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Yes!

[@homemanager1724]

THANK you! Empath is celebrated. Codependency is hated. But both are often used interchangeable, most dont realize this.

[@PaigeSquared]

It does grate on me now when I hear someone self identify as an empath. If someone asked me if I was one, I would say yes, just to keep the conversation simple. I wouldn't get into it, about the hyper-vigilance and how my inner child preoccupies my mind with others' wellbeing and their growth, instead of my own. Now I say no. I finally have some control over the energies in my body. Thank God! 😊❤

[@PeleRana-pp6zc]

The cat is the wise Guru❤😂

[@leopardchicken]

The orange ones always are 😂

[@evadebruijn]

Hear hear The bigger the heart, the stronger the boundaries need to be. And if you do not put yourself first you are basically abandoning yourself. ✌️

[@stevencook4002]

What people call “a big heart” is sometimes not that at all. It’s just a person way of getting their needs met. A big heart doesn’t expect something in return. Many of these people do.

[@TheTrainerjenn]

I relate to this video so much!! So many good truthful points -Need Empathy for myself -Behaviour is the best communication (people will show you who they are, believe them) -Stop settling for the bare minimum -Learn how to receive -it’s not being an empath it’s codependency subconsciously choosing people who need me.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Thanks!

[@Keikimainecoon]

Used to be me in my 20s and a little in 30s but then I got my power back when I realized I had abandoned myself

[@neurodivergentpixi6736]

When someone says "I'm an empath" it gives the same energy as "I'm really a nice guy". If you truly are one, people just see it, you don't need to proclaim it.

[@SENSEF]

Yeah, I think most true empaths refer to themselves as highly sensitive people because the term empath has an arrogant connotation. Or self-delusion connotation, being hypervigilant but calling it empath.

[@julianneh.1768]

Or '"I'm an empath" means "I have really bad boundaries".

[@Jae-by3hf]

Awwww the sweet baby coming in to make sure that we heard the message! 🫡❤

[@MsJoyce31202]

😊

[@Magical_Melanin_Megan]

I like how the cat comes in to reiterate your point 😆 Thanks for the advice that a lot of us need ❤

[@EolianWolf]

Just got out of a relationship where I was codependent with him (learned behavior from my childhood) and he was basically codependent with his parents. You saying that people communicate through their actions is SO healing for me. Being away from things, I'm realizing a lot of manipulative/narcissistic/gaslighting behaviors he has (I grew up with that, but these were much more subtle so it bothered me but I thought i was the problem bc he constantly said I was, so I didn't see it for what it was). One of his behaviors was when I communicated I was hurt due to XYZ, he'd say to listen to his words not his actions or body language. I always argued that actions and body language ARE parts of his communication, but he'd basically say that I didn't understand good communication and it's all verbal so listen to his words, he knows best, he went to therapy years before I had (despite not going for long and it being several years since, as I'd later found out). I was doing the best I could but holy cow how didn't I see his behaviors and run in the opposite direction???? 🤮 (This is just one example of mannnnnnny narcissistic/gaslighting things he did over several years.)

[@WillBlindYouWithLight]

I know what you mean i married very young and he is narcissistic, covert and other times overt. Anyway.... He's trying very hard these days, but he continues to do them . The Bible even says, actions speak louder than words.... That's when i got the confirmation that i needed to try harder on myself, not trying to fit in whatever he was trying to shove me into. I am custom i will not fit into whatever shape he wants me to be. That's also in the Bible... We're made how we are how He wants us to be, only people that are not narcissistic will learn this in the way intended. We are also bright and shiny and people like that can't stand it. They're jealous. They try to dim us down to their levels. We are to not allow that from anyone. We are to keep shining as brightly as we can. It's very hard.

[@kky.x]

This is why discernment is so important. The bible says you know them by their fruits. Meaning their actions, not their words. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit

[@needleheadned]

Everyone tells me I’m psychic, but I’m just like, nah that’s just the ✨trauma ✨

[@godzillamanstreb524]

lol

[@AmbyJeans]

Yes! I identify as both and noticed this a long time ago. I have empathy for everyone but myself. I feel like I never stand up for myself, but if I see someone else getting picked on I’m there in a second. I’ve been working hard on my codependency issues

[@julierivera450]

I love how your cat arrives when you say it is time to stop settling for the bare minimum.

[@klimtscat347]

There being a cat suddenly made all the ideas just so easy to understand 😅

[@MarieWilliams-t9w]

Have a rule be nice and polite and take no crap. Dont let people inconvenience us and take things from us . Say no to people and nod our head and walk away or saying excuse me can stop people talking advantage of us. Don't let people guilt trip us or get in our way by saying thats not sensible. Or i told you Im busy can you stop asking me ask someone else. When we stop emotional thinking by saying I don't want to hurt their feelings by saying no or I don't want to disappoint them. Will help us think clearly. When we think logically we will think is she using me . She can ask someone else it doesn't always have to fall on me to sort out other people's problems.

[@gking407]

Why is my vision and level of understanding so clear AFTER the damage is done?? That’s why I’m here I guess.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Truth👺

[@tykeandjonsieshow3595]

Because if there wasn't damage the problem wouldn't exist to begin with. That's like asking why do I taste this pasta AFTER eating it? Your question makes no sense.

[@dreawearsshoes]

I always say...empath is shorthand for lack of boundaries and unprocessed trauma. They want it to mean that they are magic psychics and it is painful when we realize that that "superpower" is an indication that they had unstable childhoods and are currently codependent and hypervigilent

[@charliedeegan1598]

YEP. It's not empathy, it's hypervigilance.

[@lucievedomimkestesti]

Unhealthy empath is codependent. Real and healthy empath is in tune with other people's emotions but remains detached.

[@SENSEF]

Not always. Some babies are extremely sensitive. Case in point, I would cry if I heard screaming on a TV. But my 2 older siblings never reacted to distressing TV. There are BORN empaths in the world. But yes, the majority aren't legit.

[@DavyHaller]

@@SENSEFa baby crying when hearing screaming on TV is completely normal, though?

[@lynnodonovan4204]

The question I always have is why do the takers, users and abusers not even care how they treat other people? It took me so many years to realize some people have truly cold, selfish hearts. A very painful lesson I keep getting hit with. ❤

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

Had a cunning younger cousin years ago in my 20's,who wanted to use my moped 2-wheeler I had worked hard & saved & bought after much saving, and when I gently said no since I needed it to travel to go teach some kids at their home,and fetch supplies as I had many responsibilities,he stopped speaking to me. I had tried to share my book-collection with this cousin before, but he never wanted to read anything. And his dad was many times verbally & emotionally abusive towards me,& disrespected my mom who had always shown kindness when they were down. I avoided them totally thereafter. I learned they did not care as they refused to change their behaviour and were not sorry.

[@ln8496]

Going above and beyond for someone and expecting them to meet you half way is also not love. It’s transactional, conditional love.

[@AndreaCrisp]

A healthy relationship requires each person to do 100% of their 50% of a relationship. That looks different from day to day. What she's referring to here is people in a pattern of being in one sided relationships, because that's what they had growing up and they are still reacting from childhood wounds. If you give unconditionally always and never get anything in return, but being used that is not healthy either. It's not sustainable over time. Giving unconditionally is fine when done with some boundaries. Having self-respect and self-esteem requires healthy boundaries.

[@SENSEF]

All relationships are transactional. Marriage is a survival alliance. Friendship is conditional. There's no such thing as unconditional love except a healthy parent sacrificing for their chil(ren) then allowing them to spread their wings. And even that is hard to find!

[@nicolewalsh7959]

@@SENSEF well said! I’m sick and tired of people saying that givers can be toxic. The person taking and not giving back is also toxic.

[@ambrosialovly3676]

A lot of times people give and give to others so that they don't have to work on their self

[@mariat.438]

❤❤❤

[@evadebruijn]

And to prop up a sense of not being okay as is, like you need to earn your right to exist, let alone something valuable as love. It is an imprint from being loved conditionally, have parts of you rejected, and are now repeating that treatment to yourself in adulthood. ✌️

[@angel794]

Themselves, not their self.

[@SENSEF]

Or they give and give thinking the golden rule will eventually come true and someone will turn around a reciprocate. 🤨

[@nicolewalsh7959]

At times givers are made to feel guilty if they don’t give constantly. Or just to maintain one sided relationships.

[@SarmHart]

I will stop settling for the bare minimum and start learning how to receive 💗 (thanks for the new affirmation).

[@fn-2187bb8]

Whenever Orange Kitteh makes an appearance, I know it's time to listen up! ❤ "Behavior is the most powerful form of communication" 🎉💯

[@IroquoisPliskin-rb7qw]

I have set boundaries and still got played. Stay safe out there.

[@KK-rj7ij]

the cat approves of the message

[@freesiasage]

Yes! Thank you for calling it what it is! We can't change ourselves unless we actually accept the truth of where we're at.

[@sayusayme7729]

Learning and change are always important. Thank you so much. Love all 🌸💗🧩💚

[@alyssaf1285]

I relate to this a lot. There are people in my life who I have to give more than I receive. I also feel like sometimes I'm so empathetic I make excuses for people's lack, which works to my detriment.

[@NYKIKE]

I started working on this last year and things have been slow, but hella worth it

[@tara34952]

This is SO good! Thankyou for making it so clear. This is the uncomfortable truth. Its uncomfortable for me to admit this is exactly what i do in relationships. 😢

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Me too

[@nyuuuchan]

🐈 in the background 💜

[@MatthewSands-e3g]

Love your self ❤

[@MsJoyce31202]

Sometimes, they actually do mean what they do to you. I used the word sometimes because we can take a behavior as hurtful and that's the last thing that person was doing (being hurtful).

[@irinadumitru9088]

I love when the kitty showsup exactly when you re saying about creating boundaries 😊! And actually learning them to be set up! I really love how she showed up😂!❤

[@godzillamanstreb524]

More please about learning how to receive 🌷🌷🌷

[@lexa_power]

Very relatable, thanks! Also definitely a good thing to remember that behavior is the most powerful form of communication.

[@dianaBryant-vk6wp]

Thank you God for blessing ❤❤

[@spinnettdesigns]

Superb 👏👌 thank you. I’m no longer codependent but still very caring, it’s such a relief to be here after so many years of therapy and work. Keep trying friends, you can make it! Thank you so much for your very helpful videos doctor, so accessible for the average person to understand.

[@alicia234]

That’s not what I feel like when I identify as an “empath,” though. I feel like my good vibes bring in bad people who want to feel better about themselves. This is regardless of whether I set boundaries or take care of me. This has been going on for my entire life before the trauma even started.

[@Secretzstolen]

I wonder what my issue is. I have good boundaries and thats why my last relationship ended when I found out he was lying to me & behaved inappropriately. However until then he checked all the boxes & acted like a very good bf. How do I keep ending up with liars even after vetting? It took 7 months for the truth to come out, a big secret he was hiding. If I hadnt trusted my gut, he wouldve been able to continue hiding it because there was zero trace of that secret. The only reason i questioned him is because i had a general sense that he maybe wasnt being totally forthright & honest & open with me, i just had a tiny little feeling something was missing. In my life i think ive only met a handful of people who truly seemed to be very honest people with integrity. Too many people out there dont know or care about honesty and truth.

[@g.flesch9731]

There is no reason to blame yourself when a partner kept a secret that you finally found out & he confessed to & thus you ended the 7 months relationship. You felt something was off & you were able to find out what was off with your partner & decided that would not work for you & ended the relationship. That was a win for your. The question of how honest people are is a human thing. Maybe a person hides something that they think another person will not like. Not everyone has perfect judgement & does things that are not honest or truthful. You have to get a bit into a friendship or romance before things are revealed. I wish you the best.

[@m.h.8084]

Good call on misuse of popular psychology terminology to make ourselves feel subtly superior while exhibiting a learned harmful behavior. ("complaint of a saint":"I'm such a victim, because I'm so good," when in fact we need to work on our psychological health, create and hold boundaries, learn who we are, what we need and require, and not accept less than what's good for us due to unhealthy childhood coping mechanisms. Better thing to do is to try to heal and improve rather than commiserate and feel special in an unhealthy, stifling behavior.)

[@stephaniehart3595]

Thank you for the example! I've never identified as being codependent, I really needed to hear this! Empathy for myself is something so foreign, can't wait to explore and heal more. ✨

[@ISEEKSPACE]

Im learning this at 42 years old. I'm learning not to put up with people's bad attitudes towards me and mistreatment especially when all I've done is be kind and understanding.

[@mndu99]

I was like that until I realized that people does not really need me so I start setting boundaries and get to know me. Now, I have more sense of self and I know when to help people who really need me there and people who will waste my time

[@cynthiagott3112]

Mind blown 🤯

[@UniqueCuriousMakeupArtist]

“… behavior is the most powerful form of communication.” And I was a broken record and begging. 😮. No more…

[@user-wt1jd4rc9n]

I think I became this way because of the need for my parents to give me recognition and affection that of course I never received. It was also to avoid abuse from my parents. I think I got used to that kind of behavior.

[@hoodedhippie]

Love this breakdown, very helpful for people who might be confused about what else they could do out of desperation.

[@ineedhoez]

Behavior is a language!!!

[@ryancharlston5712]

This literally helps today, thank you. Dealing with the consequences today.

[@rachelc9180]

Why, oh, why have I not found a therapist like you? 😊 💜

[@rachelc9180]

I was just going to write that! ❤😊

[@maryw4609]

❤❤❤❤thanks really true really helpful like the role you played don r you were little

[@ritabradley643]

Living for yourself is difficult for a co dependant

[@angelawheeler4877]

Yes it feels like selfishness

[@Holly-tc4id]

​@@angelawheeler4877I struggle with this too

[@littleiodine9480]

There must be a way for balance. “No man is an island.”

[@AveSaveone-_-]

Hallelujah. You just gave me a very concrete answer to my problem🙌🏼🎉👏🏼 Just the thing I need right now. Thank you for doing this 🙏🏼✌🏼

[@eileengleeson7851]

Thanks for this its so true ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Cantfindme3]

I think there is a fine line between empathy and codependency. You can feel for other people’s emotions and still hold healthy boundaries for yourself.

[@Rasheens-Story]

I used to get in these relations but not anymore, as soon as I meet them and I see the signs it’s starting to become one sided, I ghost them. I don’t keep them around, I don’t want anyone that comes with issues. If you can’t add to my life, please stay away.

[@typingstuff]

I think this is so important to hear for some (or all). Thank you very much for creating and sharing.

[@silentactivist2469]

It's tough to get called out but i guess, this is something I needed to hear all this time.

[@yolandaz2706]

Thank you!!! Excellent explanation & advice that I desperately needed!! Loved kitty in the background 😊💜🙏💜🙏💜

[@mercedessanchez6844]

Thanks for giving me clarity on over giving! Your videos rock!

[@Miss__Chief]

This speakes volumes to me❤

[@NYA_Lady]

Thank you for all these mini therapy sessions. I love them and hate them. Im sure you understand why.

[@Muhmineen]

This resonates with me, but i finally broke the cycle with someone who doesn't need anything from me.

[@chong2389]

“There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.” ― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre 'addition' is the key word. The trick is not to feel the need to be the sum total of the comfort of others. I have yet to learn that.

[@UniqueCuriousMakeupArtist]

WOW! I never identified as codependent,until this 😮 More boundaries need to be set. Thank you for sharing what an HSP/Empath does to feel their worth 😳. Groundbreaking for me.

[@mrstoner2udude799]

I'm so this. But I'm learning . Boundaries are self care. And effective. I subconsciously know when a woman has issues and needs my love and support, without realizing she is unable to return that love...No matter how she feels about me. I was a child begging for my parents approval. They fought. I tried to fix their relationship hoping to make myself whole. Wow it feels good to say that. Thank you Dr Nicole.

[@branifer]

I'm at the side of this spectrum where I keep chasing "friends" who don't want to be a friend in return. I never thought of it as being an "empath" but this explains a lot.

[@emilyevans6989]

I have to work on this. I have been strong enough to leave those relationships, but I still need boundary work.

[@susanmartin4612]

Brilliant!! Thank you, Nicole 🙏🏻💗

[@JennyNobody]

So true! Something Im working on and getting much better at!

[@flooferwoofenschnizz3858]

Thank you great reminders!!!! ❤. Also, love your cats guest appearance 😂😻

[@UNCL3_1R0H]

Watching this and realizing my most recent situationship is just that cuz I’ve been codependent for foreverrrr

[@jamusgit]

All focus and thought left the moment the cat popped in.

[@Sandra.B]

Great video, for providing the example of what codependency is and the therapist advice 🙌🏻

[@michelefitzmaurice4610]

Orange Kitty made an appearance! 🧡🐈 I’m helping!🧡

[@zoeykraft8987]

This is so on point. That describes me to a T. Now I'm setting boundaries and people are pissed because I don't just give them everything YET they complain about everything I was doing so ......... 🤷😳

[@redenavari]

My mom accused me of being codependent, once. She said: "You're codependent of me, but not me of you," which is an hilarious accusation to make when you know how codependency works, and also incredibly callous and deresponsibilizing. What do you mean, I'm codependent and it's got nothing to do with you? YOU raised me.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Bingo

[@Kinokostars]

That sounds similar to how my mum deflects responsibility but also wants me to heal properly. I’m sorry she said that to you. I’m not sure how to help but I hear you and it’s very difficult navigating this especially on your own 💛

[@Recoveryasrrrfgrdbgsdff]

Your so wonderful and thankful for your channel. ❤

[@julierose4730]

I love this doctor

[@danagarza5329]

Ayee.. my heart felt all your words..

[@mimesthai]

Real empathy means you can understand other people’s feelings as if they were your own. So it means you can easily detect when people are cruel, evil, untrustworthy, all kinds of bad things as well as when they are good, kind people. I can easily understand what’s going on with people, and I keep my distance from those who I dislike. I have been called cold because of that, but usually by people who think I should be nice to everyone. Being nice to everyone is not a good way to keep yourself safe.