Werner Herzog's Yelp Review for Trader Joe's on Hyperion

[@frostychickenprods]

“It’s a grotesque parody of the Bazaar at Marekesh. As if dumb animals had been granted only the amount of sentience required to mock humanity.”

[@JammastaJ23]

Hey that's a quote from the thing we're all watching. Great comment.

[@slumberspeak]

@@JammastaJ23 hey that's a comment from the thing we just read. Great quote.

[@SnailHatan]

Jason Gardinier hey that’s a comment referencing the comment shitting on a dumb comment that adds nothing of value to anyone’s life. Terrible comment.

[@Nicolas-Kage]

@@SnailHatan Hey that's the comment equivalent of saying "no" during an improv routine.

[@idontwantahandlethough]

@@Nicolas-Kage so... a good thing, because it stops rogue improv troupes in their tracks? Back in my day they used to roam the streets looking for trouble. Those were dark times...

[@markpx]

Herzog actually heard this parody and gave it his endorsement.

[@jakeyboy261992]

"my congratulations"

[@jakeyboy261992]

Lol he liked it

[@brianthomas2434]

Herzog's spontaneous burst of laughter has to be heard to be appreciated.

[@cbaile]

"That's good stuff."

[@matthewbeechr]

“My congratulations”

[@dizbang3073]

"Madness reigns." Oh yea, I'm stealing that.

[@SangheiliSpecOp]

I burst out laughing when he said that

[@MatthewOrbit]

I'll never again be able to hear that phrase without hearing it in his voice.

[@seamusburke639]

You gotta say it in a German accent, though.

[@GregStallion]

*yeah “Yea” is a different word. YAY!

[@awkwardotter473]

Madness Reigns! I listened to this on my way home from a Trader Joe's. Life is complete

[@jakeyboy261992]

Everyday annoyences in my life will now be followed by the phrase "madness reigns...."

[@jakeyboy261992]

If only I could master the accent though...

[@jamesd2128]

A veritable vortex of despair at Trader Joe's as transcribed by the great Werner Herzog. Thanks for making my day, Paul F. Thompkins.

[@charlesconner]

Kurt Anderson played this in an interview of Werner Herzog TO Werner Herzog on this week's Studio 360. I COULD BARELY TELL THEM APART.

[@LadyMercutia]

This fills me with glee.

[@skadden]

this is a very good impression

[@bobafeet1234]

This is off-beat comedy GENIUS! It's the combination of the uncanny impression and careful wordsmithing. I never thought Werner Herzog could make me laugh so hard!

[@opensourceanglers8291]

Madness reigns... It's just too hilarious!!! I love both W.H. and P.F.T and this is simply a matchj made in heaven. PFT is truly a one-of-a-kind comic genius

[@micksmom2293]

I listen to this whenever I need a laugh and it never fails!

[@vernonhardapple6983]

This one and "Sounds Like Bruce" never fail to make me laugh when i need to

[@Phi1618033]

This review is _actually_ on Yelp.

[@deathbykindnes]

It has to be; it wouldn't be as funny otherwise-- the joke is perfected XD

[@professormancaptain4210]

Yeah that's where it came from. They noticed it ideally fits with the cadence of Paul f Tomkins werner impression. The joke would be less, if be its source dishonest.

[@The_Knight_Of_The_West]

Have you found a link to or something?

[@KindaGrump]

Paul F Tompkins is a god-damn genius sometimes.

[@justincoleman3805]

Always.

[@andrewroberts8139]

It's comedy that makes me excited about comedy

[@xenofurmi]

I'm such a fan.

[@Freakazoid12345]

I'm enjoying this so much.

[@JustSwivel2]

Definitely sometimes

[@chasegrebb7015]

This is actually how i feel about going into every trader joe’s. Amazing.

[@fan5407]

This is an all-time great piece of comedy.

[@ElCrab]

This is all accurate, right down to the excellence of the dark chocolate mini peanut butter cups.

[@beelerspace]

I listen to this at least once a week

[@boedillard8807]

I can't believe there are not more of these - this is pure brilliance!

[@stephenryan1912]

PFT has done Herzog on CBB and Doug Loves Movies numerous times. It's worth checking those episodes out because they are hilarious.

[@DylanMcNamee]

I have a calendar reminder for me to listen to this at least once a year. It makes me howl each time.

[@roccoz2231]

PFT's Herzog impression was pitch-perfect until the very end when he let out the Americanized "Dunka Shane." But knowing Tompkins that was probably intentional.

[@SharinganMan]

Well one key difference is that Herzog enunciates his Rs rather strongly, PFT doesn't quite get there

[@leonorlizardo9174]

Went there weekly for 8 years. All that this great filmmaker says is so true!

[@erin7770]

This review is so accurate for any Trader Joe's.

[@Socratic199]

Man, that was good. More please!

[@callum7081]

This podcast episode was the best I’ve ever heard.

[@zachsilver7423]

Love these guys's breakdowns!

[@AtropalArbaal-dk8jv]

Warner always makes the mundane sound like the gates to hell have burst asunder. Once you realize this, as long as you can do his accent, it's all gravy.

[@ZERO_O7X]

This never gets old! 😂

[@em23]

I get an incredible urge to listen to kraftwerk for some reason

[@PanasonicTooth]

"Post, Modern, Expressionism"

[@ramonek9109]

You mean Popol Vuh

[@JammastaJ23]

fahren fahren fahren to Trader Joe's

[@TheJoshuamooney]

Thompkins does the best Herzog ever--a work of pure genius.

[@michelleadams5609]

I use this to reset a crappy day. 😂eternally grateful for this humorous bit.

[@VinceLyle2161]

Although I don't shop at Trader Joe's, I will admit some trips to the grocery store do make me feel like Lope de Aguirre.

[@benwasserman8223]

As someone who frequently shops there, I will agree the dark chocolate peanut butter cups are very good.

[@johncaudill9782]

It really does feel like grabbing some toilet paper is harder than dragging a river boat over a mountain sometimes.

[@josejalipano]

Honestly this is great writing.

[@someguynamedelan]

That Trader Joe's is near my High School. Pretty accurate.

[@christopherhelton6999]

The greatest part of the parody is that this sounds no different from something Herzog would actually write about going to the store.

[@Jafiveon]

Congratulations you understand comedy.

[@hallidayneil778]

"Madness reigns." Hard to top an opening line like that.

[@ChristopherComo]

"....the drivers, seemingly immune to Geometry", I lost my shit!!

[@patrickkelly4727]

For anyone in the San Jose area, this is a perfect description of the TJ's on Coleman.

[@tomhill4003]

ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! I haven't laughed so hard in years.

[@cenewman007]

I really wish he'd do more of these.

[@stephenryan1912]

He has. CBB and Doug Loves Movies has multiple episodes of PFT as Herzog.

[@Sleezystevie]

I can't stop thinking what the Super King on San Fernando review would be like.

[@oneeyeMAX]

I want to hear Werner Herzog's review of a Trader Joe's on the planet Hyperion

[@sporophyte9052]

That’s what I thought this was when I clicked

[@zmancan5290]

The cold industrial blades of the Shrike cut through the produce aisle. It as if lettuce had met an uncaring tropical cyclone. Martin Silenus watches and imbibes from the spirits section, his sour face reflecting the ennui of our troubled times.

[@Lincolnlogsoff]

My congratulations

[@xalener]

I looked up the trader joe's he's talking about on google maps and holy fuck he wasn't lying though

[@MatthewScott-xg1ho]

The dark chocolate peanut buttercups swung that review.

[@MikePulcinellaVideo]

Absolutely brilliant

[@VinceLyle2161]

I keep this in my "Watch Later" queue for the phrase, "...as if dumb animals had been granted only the amount of sentience required to be able to mock humanity."

[@kimzinnie]

I attempted to shop at a Trader Joe's during the pandemic. We had to follow a pattern of arrows up and down aisles. When I backtracked to get to milk, I was chastised. über madness that day! No arrows now, but still chaos

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

That makes this skit all the more understandable and makes sense of the randomness of such a topic. - You know what guys? - What? - Today I'm going to impersonate WH with his unique voice, pronunciation and diction, using his peculiar vernacular and verbosity to describe the Trader Joe's on Hyperion. Do you think it will work? - ...........

[@WinsteadB73]

Those dark chocolate peanut butter cups ARE pretty good.

[@alfgwahigain5544]

Paul F. Tompkins is a genius.

[@michaelnolan7181]

That was my life for 2 years.

[@boedilllard5952]

Please, more!

[@JammastaJ23]

This is so brilliant.

[@stormvexed]

This is pretty accurate to trader joes everywhere

[@kennethgammell9457]

Flawless Herzog, deserves an award.

[@riffhammeron]

One of the funniest things ever

[@NYSP936]

Maybe the most accurate portrayal of a store ever. All Trader Joe’s are the same lol

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Out here... East of Cali, Trader Joe's is considered Bougie. In hindsight, this makes me sound as if from Nebraska. This is LV.

[@jamesb5764]

I sometimes, when I am feeling down, I Werner Herzog to narrate my life… sometimes, when I am very happy, I want Werner Herzog (PFT) to narrate my life…

[@dasaggropop1244]

madness reigns.

[@dougdimmedome5552]

Jesus Christ this reviewer got an A+ on their Yelp review.

[@3QuaNiMiTyy]

Is he referring to the Hyperion Cantos or something else?

[@tb770]

as if dumb animals had been granted only the amount of sentience required to mock humanity BRUH feeling called out

[@CharlesAmericanus]

PFT is a genius.

[@squeedum4893]

five

[@marinajane7749]

I laughed so hard I now have “A-Fib”….thanks! 😕

[@jefolson6989]

Perfect Herzog.

[@TheUnleetGamer]

at first I thought it was him 🤣

[@MysticSavage]

I have not been to this store...yet strangely, I feel like I have.

[@sunriseshell]

Oh shit, LOVE IT!

[@Animatronicbear]

Damn. SO good!!

[@ehulbert5]

Shop at Gelson’s across the street, easier parking, better selection.

[@svetoslavtchorbanov2538]

Absolute genius

[@billythemt]

Hands down, one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard

[@Lincolnlogsoff]

Like beetles who's rock has been upended

[@therona4281]

How many stars wus dat? Fiiiiiiive :D

[@atlasking6110]

Now is zee time on Yelp ven vee DAHNCE!

[@sabatino1977]

I’m as happy as a little girl!!

[@ArsenalEntGroup]

that parking lost jesus!

[@chrisdundas6277]

Same could be said about costco

[@renedesign5354]

amazing

[@o8ee435]

Not to be an internet troll...but this could be every Trader Joe's. Parking lots by sadists.

[@Slaphaphappy]

Enjoy Herzog’s video of Where’s Waldo😂

[@elliottjunkyard2185]

this is how i feel about costco

[@etheangel2220]

He sounds like a smaller, more educated Arnold Schwarzenegger, not so much like Herzog...He does have his cadence and mannerism down though.

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

I don't here much Arnold. If anything Christoph Waltz. Herzog and Waltz share many phonetic similarities in their pronunciations of words with "R" as the first letter or in the middle of a word following a vowel.

[@devtaylor4437]

Phenomenal, bahahahaha

[@apollosroman8784]

Who actually wrote this review?

[@neuvocastezero1838]

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop watching and get some dark peanut butter cups.

[@danielhance1467]

I’m leaving a comment

[@eddiehartsfield9012]

So Perfect!! Would’ve thought it was the real Werner until he blows it by mispronouncing “Danke Schön” at the end. I almost wonder if he did that on purpose - to clue in anyone who was fooled until that point?

[@idontwantahandlethough]

Definitely on purpose

[@gilesa.4052]

Idea for Werner to review / talk about: trying to buy bananas on black Friday in Walmart, playing pokamon go with his grandchildren, any part of Trumps administration, finding himself trapped in a furry sex club... your ideas please

[@haroldfitzpatrick5900]

But its so true.

[@liltick102]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@arkangel7819]

Sound more like Costco.

[@Lizifer11]

LMAO

[@ipaulosan]

He forgot the long waiting in line just to get in thanks to Covid-19. I refuse to go thru all that hassle. Some of you old timers would remember when that building was Hub Market, used to love that place, they had the world's best rotisserie chicken.

[@caraqueno]

I remember the Hub Mart. It was across the street from the Mayfair Market, now Gelson's.

[@Noctroglyph]

Wow, what a confusing title...

[@justincoleman3805]

How is it confusing?

[@kingofthebingogame]

@@justincoleman3805 Noctroglyph must have been thinking that this actually was the real Herzog, because the title doesn't state otherwise and the clip itself does not correct this misinformation by telling us that these are impersonators. The thumbnail could have been a clue. Or he could have read the description. It seems that, eventually, he did. Hearing this and thinking it was real must have screwed up his brain.

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

​@@justincoleman3805well..... I didn't know Hyperion was a roadway in LA. I thought it was a bizarre connection of materialist consumerism vis a viz ancient Greek philosophy and romanticism.

[@deang9061]

Sounds more like Arnold

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Avoid further exposure to loud noise. Your hearing has obviously already become severely impacted.

[@MagicSwordFilms]

I avoid this TJ's at all costs

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Why? They have great products. Expensive but quality.

[@ryanellis4474]

This was clever Good job! Too bad Werner was a jerk about it I will pray for America. Please pray for me. God Bless you.

[@ploppill34]

Sounds more like Arnold Schwarzenegger

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Avoid further exposure to loud noise. Your hearing has obviously already become severely impacted.

[@Sobieski1]

While funny, this is the least good one I’ve heard Paul do. The voice is more generic German than Werner’s distinct Bavarian accent, which is a big part of his charm.

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Pedantic much? For F&$k sake, What are talking about? If you watch any WH interview from his jungle phase to contemporary times, this is extremely well crafted and executed..... Especially for a non-German - capturing and combining the linguistic and phonetic nuances (probably unintentionally) of each period, 'Lebensabschnitt'. Are you expecting a carbon copy. Ridiculous.

[@mickmickymick6927]

The audience ruins it

[@PaulyTheFarmer]

Unpopular opinion; this isn't a great impression, it's just that nobody really does Herzog.

[@idrathergetaidsthangetwoke9145]

Well, that's just like your (incorrect) opinion, man.