What am I? What is all this?

[@milliehutchings]

Start a new YT channel and don't tell anyone. Make a video you have no intention on showing anyone. Create it for yourself. Edit it how you want to. If you are proud of it upload it to the new channel, unlisted. Tell no one. Keep doing this for as long as you like. Once you feel as though you are ready to share with your 600 000 subs, put one on here. In the meantime, we'll still be here.

[@1sabellaGollan]

milliehutchings that's a great idea.

[@JordanWeatherbie]

I actually really like this idea

[@MolticaAndThePuppets]

This is a great idea!!

[@ruthelizni5104]

Like this idea😊👍

[@liina000]

Best video since Quitting KZbin.

[@Iman131096]

Agreed. Dude's fucking intelligent

[@naomibelet]

liina000 Sexy Feminist, though. That was a good one.

[@cherrywallis]

This is refreshing. Anything you make I think you'll have a LOT of support for, even honest chatty videos like this Chris. There are a lot of expections of what a KZbinr should be / film - and I won't deny my videos fall into that a lot of the time... point being, you just be you! You are enough.

[@skylerthederangedferret3020]

Hi cherry :)

[@orange-gd4ky]

I think because now KZbinrs are becoming massive celebrities, they're no longer the people who nervously turned on their cameras and refreshed their videos once posted to see how it was received. They have massive audiences who will love them regardless. They're becoming invincible, people know what they want and they get it and these big KZbinrs can deliver, they're in a system they love and enjoy and are comfortable with. So when you find you're not being yourself and its working- you're conflicted, you're uncomfortable . You want to share the real you but theres that fear that the real you won't be wanted. So you're stuck in a never ending pile of videos that you once enjoyed making but now its forced because you want a change. And when you want to be a sincere real you- you can't because you're not invincible yet and you might loose everything. Theres that nagging fear that might set you off the edge. But let me tell you. The people that are subscribed- they love you no matter what. I loved this video, i love the real you. They way you talk and your mannerisms, it was fascinating, didn't want it to end tbh. Always be yourself Chris, no matter what. That's all that matters. Do this channel for yourself, always. I'm here till the end anyways.

[@mossboss9236]

+whovian11 Well said. It's true! We love Chris no matter what.

[@kel9091]

comments like this brings hope to humanity, it's just amazing how some people in the world could care so much for a person eventhough they may live far away from each other

[@lolarose6282]

ikr

[@quinintheclouds]

I couldn't agree more, you put that amazingly

[@Yue018]

I agree with you. And it always makes me sad to see people write mean comments or unsubscribe only because a youtuber changes his content and wants to make videos he likes and he has fun with. But isn't that what's most important? That the youtuber makes videos he himself would like to make and has fun with instead of beeing forced to make content his viewers would like? Personally I'd like to watch videos where I can see that the youtuber has fun with and feels comfortable and can be himself instead of faking so much. I enjoy it most when I can feel like I come to understand that person in the videos and his intentions/ways to think and so on better. Makes me feel closer to the content he uploads and build sympathy for him. :)

[@OlanRogers]

I've learned the more you think about the others on here you'll just get more upset. Just be you! :) KZbin has turned into a beast and not a good beast like from Beauty and the Beast but a six headed serpent with Alien drool. It used to be about going out and having fun and making videos. It's not so much about that anymore but that doesn't mean you can't be the change. If you want to do KZbin do it the way you think is right and people with connect with that! If you're having fun that's all that matters! You could play Cribbins as Sherlock Holmes for 10 hours and if your having fun I wouldn't care. If you want to shoot it real! Shoot it real as long as it's want you want. Don't try to understand the high ups on here it's a world of it's own. Excited that you are doing these again! My boy is back!!

[@SnowVlogger]

K. Now you and Chris should collab. Seriously.

[@emileebrinson775]

You are completely right, me as a fan, I need "funny", I need what ever content you put out. And honestly, watching all the KZbinrs sit in front of a camera, and speak their mind is exactly what I absolutely love to watch.

[@emileebrinson775]

Don't need**

[@LemonSte]

Yussss Olan you are two of my favourite people. Nice speech + advice, for anyone really, cause I've been hesitant to start a channel as of late :/ SITC 2014 did that..

[@entkin]

OlanRogers This is the shit. Solid advice! Sure, the big timers are thriving- but few of them are doing their thing and doing it well. You and ***** are the most entertaining people among my subscriptions because ya genuine! Keep it real.

[@HeyThere005]

SO GOOD. *Leaves to make video response immediately*

[@thepaperclipguy]

Ashley Mardell oh god yes thank

[@umayyldrm1907]

Ashley Mardell please do

[@zxfera]

YES

[@hadynkinder8429]

Ashley Mardell ASHLEY YES

[@DaneSteeves]

Ashley Mardell yesss

[@boyinaband]

I've been going through something similar to this the past 3 months or so, what I've noticed is the people who get biggest and are most consistent on KZbin either have really uncomplicated content (more reacting to things than writing) or for channels that focus more on the writing side, they have at least one friend they respect and trust who they write with. I agree that you've got to be honest and make things simpler for yourself if you want more frequent videos, but if you want to carry on writing high quality stuff, maybe it's worth finding people you respect enough to make that stuff with on your channel?

[@Sasuga_Skky]

I totally agree. I think you have to find a healthy mixture between the two so you can connect and also entertain. Having someone else help with the process would take a load off your shoulders. They don't even have to be in all the videos, just someone to discuss ideas with could help. In the end all that matters is the creators happiness. If they are happy with what they've made it will show through. (Also...Dave Rules!)

[@ellie3624]

Boyinaband Dave, you are highly respected by me and everyone else who watches your videos. I can only speak for myself when I say that I'd watch a 10 minute video of just you looking at the camera. Your charisma makes me just want to watch you do anything or nothing. I am so in awe of you as a person that I couldn't care less what I watch you doing, as long as you're there. I love your videos, and if you need someone to talk to, even though I could just be a creepy weirdo I'm here. Just send me a message and I'll try to help out as best I can, just don't get yourself down about youtube, it's a place that's meant for creativity, not for you to upset yourself over what to/not to upload. You're great, and everyone knows it.We love you bro

[@mollscadman]

You did don't stay in school. You are a hero. Much respect many hi.

[@NDMeow93]

Boyinaband lol you're the dude who thinks learning about science and poetry gets humanity nowhere, that people should learn how to pay their taxes and hang up shelves in school.

[@helendrawings9693]

Boyinaband Chris and you are so similar, i was thinking last night "i hope boynaband comments on chris's video, because they're so similar and they could be good friends!" I'm glad you commented, i hope you and Chris get to know better :) x

[@DaisyDrohan]

Well, I think the gap between the creators and the fans is widening. I think KZbinrs are being placed on these huge plinths with us fans at the bottom struggling just for a picture, autograph or whatever else. I think it's great that youtubers are bringing out books, beauty ranges, merch and what not but I think it's making it worse. Us fans feel like nothing at all compared to these massive KZbin celebrities whereas in actual fact the reason a lot of them started KZbin was to find people with common interests, and to be able to connect an change people's perspective on things

[@sophiewitcombe12]

this is the most intelligent comment I've seen in a while so, thank you

[@DaisyDrohan]

Always welcome!

[@giftluo]

Daisy Drohan same!! this whole youtube thing should of make me feel like i'm not the only weirdo and that i can be related, but for some reason i now feel like crap because these youtubers were just losers like me but why they can become "successful" and i'm still a nobody.

[@yumyumtorilla]

Daisy Drohan yess!!!!!

[@Mauchoxen]

Daisy Drohan Exactly my thoughts

[@ECHOIST]

If it's any consolation, It's still infectious to watch you just talking normally. Like you said, the OTT version of you (crabstickz) is clearly funny to a lot of people. But the normal baseline version of you that we're seeing some form of in this video is still extremely appealing to watch. Well...in my opinion anyway. Your natural demeanor and mannerisms have an out of the ordinary, yet attractive nature about them. So I wouldn't worry too much about not coming across as entertaining if you're not being "crabstickz" Just my take. Also it feels really weird commenting seriously on your videos. omgz cchriiss i luv uu no mater wottt

[@crabstickz]

petesjams Love you pete

[@sarkycanadian1394]

***** hey crabsticz, you're an awesome youtuber and I like the new direction your going with your channel. Idea: what if in the videos (you said you want to talk about things) you crowd-source a topic for those videos, so that the creator=viewer can become more.... (aaw crap I for got the word but it was a good one) hope you like the idea :P

[@josiewebster8009]

I totally second this xx

[@kisscoreysass]

petesjams This is one of the nicest comments I've seen!!! I feel the same way about Chris.

[@Sumonebody]

corey birkin gross what a werido, you 40?

[@jimmy0010]

We think we're making videos for an 'audience', but actually it's for ourselves. We just don't know why. What are we trying to fix? Let's discuss more in pub.

[@lichtenbergfigures6297]

jimmy0010 Agreed, I think in the best possible scenario you make a video for yourself, something you enjoy making. Even better though when people can genuinely connect with what you shared whether it's friends or people on the internet. Something I enjoy so much about yours and Chels' videos is that they don't seem scripted and forced. You just have fun and that's visible.

[@jeaniebaby001]

jimmy0010 if u want to put something 'out there' then u want to connect. u 'don't know why' bcoz maybe that's a secondary concern.. lol why did hank make a video to john? is it because he was lonely and missed his brother? is it because he was afraid they'll grow apart? why did they make the videos public?? is it bcoz there was nothing to hide? is it bcoz they were proud of who they were and felt they were role models? so many reasons... u'll go crazy finding out why before making a video. lol Society rewards people who connect (and use their powers for good). If ur shady, people can 'feel' it. If ur awesome, ppl can feel it too. but being human nobody is 100% one way or the other lol.

[@kevinmackler]

jimmy0010 really like what you just said. that rings many bells with me and im not an active youtuber i just put up some school projects.

[@happysherpa]

Opinion from the audience : While we watch your videos, we can temporarily switch off from our own shitty existence 😄

[@HarryHitchens1]

jimmy0010 can i come

[@Leadley]

You're a good egg chris!

[@taylorb6689]

Chris... if only you knew how many people appreciate who you really are

[@tealkerberus748]

Dil Howlter imagine if he'd just talk to us about whatever. Btw, still waiting for Dab and Evan's wedding! Any progress there? 🌹

[@TheThirdPew]

This is such a great video. I need to make a video response to this.

[@EngerantM]

Wow I didn't know you knew Chris' channel! It's always pretty cool when you find out KZbinrs you watch, also watch each other :)

[@FrazzleFilmz]

Do it man.

[@waterlilylake]

I'd love to see that

[@Yahoodoraze]

Yes please!

[@r.os.e2627]

Definetley :)

[@TimH]

I'm currently terrified by the prospect of uploading anything. Especially on my main channel. People tell me I've put an impossible standard on my own videos and that people will just enjoy what I post... But I can't really shake it. That feeling that it's not good enough. I don't really have a solution, I'm just saying that I can identify with some of the stuff you're saying :) hope you're well pal

[@crabstickz]

Tim H Awww thanks dude, it's a real doozy of a situation and I'm still struggling a little but I think I found the answer. It's having the courage to do it that's taking it's sweet time! Your work on creativity has always astounded me.

[@EREJones]

***** Don't mind me, but you really do have the support of all of your subscribers and followers. I've never seen such overwhelming support for anyone in the midst of a (creative) crisis of self- especially on KZbin,

[@fionageddes4478]

***** I see KZbin as a platform for people to express who they are, or who they aren't to the world and to feel accepted and connected to people all over! it's not a negative nor a positive thing - it's great that it connects so many of us together, but at the end of the day views and likes are not the most important thing! If you are happy with your own content, chances are other people will like it too, whether that is you talking about the struggles you have been through over the past couple of years, or if it's talking about the future and what you would like to be doing in years to come... I, for one, have always loved your videos because even when you play other characters or persona's I could still feel the genuineness of you're true humour and self throughout that. My final thoughts are: You don't have to put on the 'Crabstickz' act anymore, just be Chris and people will love you for it. 💛

[@LifeIsYourInstrument]

Tim H Please don't worry. I love your videos, yes the ones where they are epic and have so much production value are awesome, but I love a whole load of your earlier videos and they are great, I know it's yourself giving yourself that standard, but remember you have to have fun or there is no point :)

[@hayleymorris]

I like you a lot and I'm very glad you made this video.

[@joesdaily]

I've always loved him. I feel for him, and the rest of the original KZbinrs who are in need to rebuild their brand. I feel like things like VINE have really tweaked things for KZbinrs.

[@hayleymorris]

He's great, and a real entertainer. I started making my own videos as well as watching them in 2006 and it was a completely different world... I loved it back then and it has become SO different, it's literally like a whole new website!

[@graces9505]

this is the realest video of you, and i'm in love with who you actually are. you don't have to try so hard to be funny all the time, because you just are! half the time the things people think are funny are when you're being self-deprecating, which is not good. yeah, you're making people laugh, but you shouldn't do it at the expense of yourself. you are an incredibly smart person, and this is the most profound thing i've ever heard an actual youtuber say about youtube. you don't need to pretend to be cool and clever. just be you, and we'll love you anyway. and if making videos isn't the way to make you happy, don't continue them.

[@quinintheclouds]

I completely agree! Took the words right out of my mouth

[@smolcat786]

Totally love more this side of Chris

[@GunnarOden]

I think one thing you can do to "restart" as yourself is to change your KZbin name to Chris Kendall. Since you don't seem to be enjoying being crabstickz anymore. Just an idea :)

[@LemonSte]

I was thinking this too!

[@lucciidivito8030]

I was thinking the same thing! I think this would be a great way to turn a new leaf and recreate his image! ( as long as his old videos stay up (please!) they're still hilarious )

[@kayper54]

Gunnar Oden That's right. It just occurred to me that I haven't thought of him as "crabstickz" in ages. He's just Chris to me.

[@Ambipurr17]

Gunnar Oden That's such a wonderful idea! :)

[@Embly99]

Ayy Gunnar! And yes, I think I agree :)

[@LoueeD]

You have opened my eyes a bit with this video, no one really talks about the side effects of having such a huge amount of people watch them on the internet. We are all social animals, humans need company and interaction with other humans so when a "KZbinr" is given such a huge platform to express their thoughts there's going to be pressure behind that. I've watched your videos for years now, yes they made me laugh, but I don't think that's why I keep watching. Unlike a TV show, I don't expect a level of production, clever script, big budget, all I watch for is to see you. The same for countless other KZbinrs that i'm subscribed to. So in short, KZbin is great because it lets anyone interact with other humans about whatever they fucking want. TV can't really do that.

[@crabstickz]

Louis Dickinson Thanks Louis, i feel so many people want to make it on youtube and the few that do are grateful but also trapped into not being able to talk about the pressures without a backlash from their subscribers. I should write a book on it!

[@jupiteronkauai]

Agree with Louis, and u going through stuff we all do, with the difference u use KZbin, and I don't think u are a looser, this comparing busyness is madning, I think you on the right path, search your heart, emotions are good and like an kompass to your self. You got so many subscribers!!! So I enjoy open honest hearts more than any tags and challenges, honestly I am bored by most of the bigger youtubers and I unsubscribe because goes nowhere than bla... Have a suggestion to read, its called : ask and its given, by Esther hicks, easy read but may bring idea how to align yourself with who u are and how our emotions help us to find that sweet spot.

[@LemonSte]

I so agree with this comment

[@LoueeD]

***** People are treating KZbin View/Subs, Facebook Likes, Twitter Followers like points in a video game now! KZbin was made so that one guy could send his home videos to his friend because his email didn't let him send large file sizes. That's it! It wasn't to create "celebrities" or influence huge groups of people. Just be u.

[@CrazyLeopardStarYay]

I completely agree with this

[@kekekat212]

I really freaking appreciate the fact that you decided to open up. It's like all the other youtubers are acting while on camera, and it just gets so out of hand. It's good to see someone just sit in front of the camera and have a 1 to 1 conversation simply being themselves, than be an act, as if you were performing in front of thousands of people.

[@ItsTheCatSpeaking24]

It's so easy to try and live up to this edited, perfected image of yourself that you put online. It shows a lot about Chris, in the fact that he has realised this and has decided to open up the discussion about what youtube has become.

[@chritsna]

I adore your authenticity in this video. Just in general, your normal demeanors are incredibly attractive, and it's so fun to watch you just be yourself. At the same time, your sense of humor is hilarious, so I think it'd be nice for you to make funny skits and shit when you're in the mood (because I'll definitely watch them!), but you're already naturally a funny and charming guy, so there's no need to constantly wear your "crabstickz" façade. Just do you, and I'll support you no matter what. :-)))

[@lucyarque2946]

Exactly

[@MissesVlog]

I think you are on the right way. It all takes time. Especially finding yourself and knowing who you are and who you want to be, not only on KZbin. This video shows that you're in the middle of a process and that's good :)

[@leaisstillhere]

I agree with that

[@stevenbridges]

It's your channel, do whatever videos you want to do. Otherwise you're not going to enjoy it. I think if you did some videos as Chris, and some videos as Crabstickz it could work really well. You get to do comedy when you want, but you also get to be yourself and people get to know 'you' more. But as I said, it's your channel, do whatever *you* want.

[@madz0rs]

So frickin many people I know (including me to an extent) are going through the exact same thing with their channels and I feel like it has a lot to do with how much emphasis people put on branding now, even as a joke, because you can get stuck feeling like you have to act one certain way all the time and if you 'break character' or do something that isn't exactly what you've done before it'll put people off. Like you've created a character without even meaning to and then one day you realise you feel like you can't actually act like yourself anymore. The thing is, I find once you stop and give your audience a bit more credit and think of them as individuals rather than a unified mass you realise that they're more likely to be put off when they pick up on the fact you're not being genuine than they are if you try something new. You are quite possibly my favourite person on youtube, bar myself, and that's partially because I like particular videos you've made (personal fav is beauty and the beast action figure reenactment, feel free to make a sequel) but mainly because I completely get your sense of humour, so even when you're not necessarily trying to make specific jokes I still find it entertaining. When I was with you and a few other people after the sitc boat party a few years ago and actually spoke to you properly you were more quiet than I expected but it didn't change my opinion of you or make the way you were in your videos seem less genuine, it was actually just comforting to realise that not everyone has to be completely switched on all the time. The point I'm eventually arriving at here is that for the most part, the people who watch you are here because your sense of humour and the way you are as a person resonates with them, so don't get stuck in the mindset that things have to be either scripted comedy or completely serious all the time. I feel like if you just make videos however it feels most natural at the time you're actually filming them you'll be pleasantly surprised by how people respond. Mainly, pls do not disappear because that would make me very unhappy. And please do not ever delete the beauty and the beast video. Or twilight trailer reaction. G0d bless.

[@madz0rs]

***** Also just saw a comment saying that people subscribed to see your characters and not you which I would like to holler at u immediately and say is not true. Don't even know where to start on that one without specifically name dropping individual people who I have witnessed piss themselves at offhanded comments in videos that you didn't even emphasise, but it is very, very incorrect.

[@ANoteToSelf]

***** Very well put! :)

[@ilyjesus07]

***** Gone are the days where youtube feels "homey". Back then, KZbinrs felt like our friends. Now with the branding and the celebrity culture, it feels like we're just fans.

[@savannahdaras]

Mikka Ella 100% agree. This is why I actually sit down and watch a very select few 'youtubers'. I have always felt partial to the people who are genuine or unique in some way; never been a fan of the big celebrity - style types that are in teen magazines and award shows, etc. Not there is anything wrong with that, those are amazing opportunities for them. But I very much enjoy watching someone that I feel like I am connecting with on some level.

[@ANoteToSelf]

***** I feel the same. However, although branding is a part of the "sell-out" bit of youtube "celebrity" there are also people who can brand things very well and are still genuine. Anyway, I totally see what you guys are saying. That's why I like youtubers like madz0rs, kate evans, pickledavidson, etc. The best place to look is in the Small KZbinr's Tag.

[@ChutorialChannel]

I'm just going to say it bluntly. Who cares? Just make videos for enjoyment. Do it for yourself, and if people watch your videos, that is a bonus! Any videos you make are never a waste. Creativity is never wasted.

[@maryann6112]

Creativity only feels good when it's honest though, it's something in our (metaphorical) hearts

[@ChutorialChannel]

Yeah, that's why I'm saying just make videos that you enjoy making. That is true, honest creativity,

[@maryann6112]

Oh yeah, I guess I misunderstood you a little bit - sorry

[@ChutorialChannel]

Mary Ann Haha I didn't phrase it very well!

[@人某某]

The Chutorial Channel But what if it's your career and your rents/survival depends on it because you've made it big and you can support yourself on doing something you like doing just to find out that it's still a job that requires effort and non-genuine work? How can you just stop and do what you want to do instead?

[@evan]

Sounds like you need a rebrand

[@ellatron]

Evan Edinger evan!! hello!!

[@aliceisallama]

1) I loved this 2) KZbin has turned into a money grabbing scheme where all some creators want to do if pocket as much money as gullible teenagers will give them then eventually fuck off in their Google funded mansions to retire. 3) you're probably feeling this way because you're not like them Chris. You are in between knowing what you want to do with KZbin and that's fine, as your subscribers were here to help you work your way through that. 4) Keep creating, because at the end of the day, we still love you, whether that be 'crabstickz' or Chris. You'll figure out what you want to do in the end. We love you

[@frigginboom]

I agree with you. Obviously I am nowhere near your level of subs, but some people still watch. I've recently been invited to this KZbin convention thing and it sounded cool at first but it's just pressure. Now I have to do these presentations and think really hard about what videos to put up cause the people that see me at this convention thing might come to my channel and that might be the first thing they see and obobsdagobgoubowwbnrobwrjnobwnp. For my first year of KZbin I intentionally only used iMovie and filmed on my phone, that way I knew that whoever subscribed had done so because they actually liked the content and didn't care about editing and super amazing cameras. I kind of wanna go back to that and I wish like 90% of other KZbinrs would too

[@theresnothingheresorry]

You're a hero, frigginboom. Try not to let the stress get to you, you're one of the realest guys on KZbin and that's part of why your subs love you. Also because your videos are heaps good.

[@frigginboom]

Oh thanks man, yea I do have a pretty good group of people hanging around my comment section. I'm lucky really

[@frigginboom]

Well I will kill them

[@mothcub]

frigginboom Yesterday I filmed a video with my webcam and it felt really good to just do something off the cuff and low quality. I've been here for about a year but I came from watching big folks and struggled with how to present myself, whereas now I feel like I'm just... me... here, and it's fine. I think it's really hard to dismiss the voice in your head that makes you want to please your viewers because ultimately YT focusses on your sub count, you know, it's hard to just do you because the entire point is that you're putting yourself on show. I guess the solution is probably to be as mindful as possible and evaluate what you're doing and why, and remind yourself that it's about YOU.

[@Laneth]

frigginboom I remember when your first video popped up across my feed and I was instantly hooked. You've only gotten better, and your unique style is so refreshing, both in delivery and editing. Attending the event even as a visitor was nerve wracking, and when I ended up helping the event people out it did get much better. I can't imagine what it would be like having to showcase yourself as a product rather than a person. You did really well though, so don't feel so stressed. One of the realest bits of advice I've heard float about is to make content you feel makes you happy and laugh and feel good about, because those who actually enjoy it will find it and stick around. And you're doing that well my friend.

[@r0achbait935]

It's actually so weird how much I relay to him it's like I literally am him and it's low key creepy

[@r0achbait935]

Relate*

[@ThatDamnMonkey]

relay sounds cooler

[@meganadams]

Same

[@Carrie]

I'm really interested by you and really happy you made this video because you voiced a lot of my own thoughts, some of which I've not talked about before! I'd like to make a video in response to this if I may? Think it's a really interesting topic whilst KZbin is evolving the way it is and I feel we're losing some of what youtube used to be all about! Lots of love Chris!

[@niamhevans3165]

Totally right Carrie and can't wait for that video xxx

[@juliam6953]

***** yes!

[@msbonvivants]

Yeeeees pleaseeeee!

[@U2QuoZepplin]

I dunno , mate. Perhaps you needed to burp? lolz

[@U2QuoZepplin]

Fuck it ! Don't be a good daily Vlogger! Who gives a damn dude....

[@ryanbarnett1530]

You are honestly the most genius and talented "KZbinr" out there and regardless of the content you put out we will always love you. It's not the comedy that really makes the videos. It's you, Chris. We will never stop supporting you.

[@ryanbarnett1530]

Ryan Barnett Please do not feel obligated to make us laugh. Feel obligated to be who you are. I am so glad you made this video.

[@daniellarauw]

I really loved how honest this video is. I hardly EVER post comments, but I felt like I should leave one here, because I was just sitting here nodding the entire time. Sometimes I find that some KZbinrs lose themselves in the process of creating content and that's sad. I'm glad you're trying to figure things out, Chris. I hope it all goes well

[@crabstickz]

daniellameows thank you, it seems figuring myself is one hell of a long road.

[@PikachuDenki]

The problem with KZbin, I think, is that people feel the need to upload, and a lot of the time it's from the pressure of the subscribers. I know you haven't talked to Dan and Phil in a while, but I'm going to use them and Tyler Oakley as examples because I watch them, and people have different standards for them. The subscriber base is very well the same between the three of them, but Dan and Phil don't upload very much, whereas Tyler has always had this sense of urgency about uploading content. And note how Tyler has more subscribers than Dan and Phil. Those subscribers prefer quick content over (I don't want to say it but) slower, more quality content (IMO). Dan had previously released his struggles on the internet before (existential crises, struggling with school, not having friends, etc ...), and Phil is normally there to help him out whenever he's feeling down or sad and stuff. Anyway, Dan is somewhat open with us, in a sense, and he's definitely very relatable. A lot of people struggle every day, wether they choose to show it or not. Tyler, doesn't really show what's going on behind the scenes, and he normally has a lot of stuff going on, such as his tour, creating content every few days, in August, he'll have a collab every day, one on his channel, one on the other's channel. Okay, where I'm going with this is that people expect Tyler to upload all the time, and that's because of the standard he has set for himself. Dan and Phil aren't always expected to upload, and that's mainly because they have a lower standard of uploading schedules, and their fan base seems to be more understanding. We get so excited when they post a new video, even if it is just of one of them playing with sand. We appreciate what they want to show us and we're okay with the time gaps. With Tyler, like I said, we expect so much from him. And when he does upload, a lot of people are critical and don't like some things. But that's what you have to deal with as a KZbinr who uploads all the time. You can upload a lot, and have content that not everyone will like, or you can upload every once in a while and have content your subscribers will appreciate. And I think, that since you opened up to us about your struggles (truly) in this video, if you make more down-to-earth content like this, or create content where you're not acting like this character you've set yourself up as, we'll appreciate more of your videos, and maybe even like them even more. In all honesty, I loved this video, it's definitely one of my favorites of yours, and all you did was sit down in front of the camera and talk and be yourself.

[@PikachuDenki]

Sorry, this was just a really long ramble xD

[@itsjustme981]

LuckyCandi loved it though!!

[@anitaturri9514]

Yeah I don't mind when I get a video from someone, I mean they can upload when they want to, and this is why I also like nigahiga, he may not make a video every week but every video he makes is amazing and good content, he takes his time and they amazing

[@nicoleo.2462]

very well said!

[@NoahAndABadger]

Yep Dan remains honest. His videos around his existential crisis Time were actually amazing (as messed as that sounds, I guess I could relate being at uni too)

[@jeaniebaby001]

I've followed u forever and this is the first time u talked like a real person.

[@summoningmoon4560]

Yes!

[@qdancer13]

jeaniebaby001 in a good way!

[@crabstickz]

jeaniebaby001 I know ryt, creepy

[@jeaniebaby001]

***** the way i feel about the number of thumb ups for this comment is prob the way u feel about ur number of subscribers. lol hi crapschticks hope u r actually doing well. :)

[@GibsonWisdom]

Mate this is one of the truest videos I've ever watched, I know what you mean and It's good that you've finally put up a video explaining this, I hope all works out for you

[@crabstickz]

Gibson Wisdom Thanks Gibson, I do too!

[@GibsonWisdom]

Thanks for replying man! It lets everyone know that you're serious about being serious if that makes sense? I mean, not absolutely everything has to be so manufactured,I tried it and didn't like it so I stopped it straight away more or less so, good luck to future endeavors!

[@soppyh8058]

Recently, I've been feeling like I've been hiding behind a character, constantly. It used to be something could control but now, even right now, I'm this exaggerated and uncomfortable version of me that I'm just sitting back and watching. I don't feel like I'm living, I feel like my life is happening and its nothing to do with me, that this character has taken it over. The thing is, it's terribly hard to explain because "Everyone acts differently in different circumstances!", and it's brushed away, like it'll solve itself. It won't. Not unless you remove yourself from what caused you to be that character in the first place, and rebuild yourself. I can't do that, I have three years till I can get away from this character and by then I think I'll be so far into the character I won't actually be able to be rid of it. I get urges to refer to myself with different names, because I feel like my birth name belongs to a stranger and I'm lying by using it somehow. I think that's a sign I'm in too deep. But I hope you can be rid of this persona that's clearly making you so uncomfortable with yourself, because I understand how horrible it feels to be out of control. Good luck Chris.

[@cauthie]

Soppy H I feel you. I feel you so much. Constantly hiding behind a character that's not you. Having the impression to be sitting back and watching. God, you put words on what I feel, even if you seem to be on the next step, sadly. I just hope you'll be able to go through that and to find who you are, and I wish you all the luck and the courage I can, because how I am experiencing this, it isn't easy at all. I don't know if what I am saying will help you, if it can ever help someone, but I at least want you to know that you're not alone in that case. So yeah. I don't know what more to say.

[@nivesealys]

Soppy H I've had this phase in my life where i was friends with this girl and i thought we were really similar, so I slowly let myself start acting like her, because I didn't think that could be defined as "copying" someone or "being someone you're not". I simply thought that was me, just a little bit more amplified. Turns out it wasn't. All my other friends started shifting away, saying it wasn't me anymore, saying they didn't feel like they were friends with me, but with her. I basically wasn't myself anymore, I had completely lost who I was because I had somehow absorbed someone else's personality completely. What I did was I got out of this relationship as soon as I possibly could. It was unhealthy and although it wasn't her fault I had to go on, find who I was and all that. It sounded so stupid at the time, all that "find yourself" crap. But the thing is it wasn't. As you said, you need to get away from whatever created that persona, and you need to remind yourself of who you are, of who you were before - although in all honesty I had no idea who I was before. It just happened on its own, I slowly decided I needed to be spontaneous. I had all of those friends that i didn't like and couldn't be myself with, because they didnt want to be friends with me, they were friends with the other version of me that made those jokes and laughed like that and did things like that. Believe me when i tell you: you are enough. The way you are, the way you act, the way you laugh and the things you do are enough. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's easier to hide behind a mask because you know no one ever truly knows you and can't criticize you, but at the same time you'll be alone, trapped. You are enough the way you are and you just need to convince yourself of that.

[@soppyh8058]

VertClaire It does help, knowing that I'm not alone in this. I feel isolated enough as it is, it'd be even worse knowing I was the only one who was going through it. And likewise, I sure hope we both come out of this, because words cannot sum up how goddamn shitty it feels.

[@soppyh8058]

Nicole Astrid Thank you for telling that, I think maybe, if I finally can get away from the places that force me into role, I can perhaps get some of me back. I hope I can, and reading things like this make me a little more optimistic, so yeah, thank you for saying this.

[@RHHTG]

Soppy H This video really stroke a chord in me and your comment reflects exactly how I feel. I have been hiding myself behind a character for years now and it has gotten so much worse since I started working and lost contact with some of my closest friends. It gets to a point where I don't even know who I am anymore, like I have slipped into my teenage years again (and they were horrible enough!) and I basically cannot relate to anyone around me which makes it so much worse. I still feel like there is a problem with me for behaving like I have something to hide but it’s mostly fear of not being accepted and believing that people around me have made better choices with their lives than I have. And oddly enough I feel like being spontaneous is not the same anymore because it just feels so exaggerated all the time like I am still playing a character but now a different more outrageous one. I don't know what to tell you that can actually help... It is such a struggle to let go and it just shouldn't be! Good luck

[@MattMulholland]

Yeah, fuck yeah man. You're a champion.

[@dianel8628]

You say that you're going through something like depression and I completely understand as someone who has it as well. A way to try and overcome it is to just surround yourself in the things and people you love and I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. Stay strong

[@crabstickz]

Little Miss LOL thank you!

[@LoliNessie21]

***** I agree Chris.. i mean, i KNOW its hard. Some days i just go a whole day without actually feeling a thing, yknow like im just watching the world go by and i find myself not knowing what im doing. If i were to explain how i KNOW what depression is like.. itll take forever and i highly doubt youd need more rambling on depression, but Chris i need you to know that its always mind over matter. You do what you must, and you'd better like what you do. Take your time, but never dwell on things too long. Okay? ^^

[@carne]

It's like if Colleen decided she'd outgrown Miranda Sings, (or Leigh Francis, Keith Lemon), quite understandable, it's your character, your decision. As far as KZbin changing, its clearly becoming like Netflix (and Amazon Prime) in the same way TV is going online (BBC iPlayer etc), the issue for me isn't that, it's whether Google decides to give preference to videos/channels with existing big subscriber counts, over the kid who only has his bedroom and a webcam. And for me KZbin, and possibly (by accident) the community, is doing just that. So the 'small' at the bottom struggle to find an audience, and the 'big' at the top feel pressured into a stereotype.

[@k_a_r_]

Yes! I feel like a lot of people assume big youtubers try to take all the space from smaller ones, when actually it's not them, buy the way this website is being run

[@carne]

Karolin Innos I think it's also the viewers, who can demand more asdfmovie from TomSka, or more Crabstickz from Chris (or more Charlieissocoolike Vlogs from Charlie), how can creators move on if their audience is demanding more of the same.

[@DaveronaDesigns]

Completely agree

[@DaveronaDesigns]

WAHEY Productions I'm really excited to check out your content, your comment and replies are sound and grounded, you seem awesome :)

[@carne]

Danielle DaVerona Thanks :) you seem lovely :D

[@kulashakes]

No matter what's going on.. I respect you more than anyone!

[@crabstickz]

Linn Kulashaker Sweeeet

[@amazach]

***** Chris i know it probably dons mean much since we don't personally know each other. but i have been watching your channel for a few years now and you have been an inspiration to me and others. I have seen your ups and downs on youtube and I "know" that right now your in a tough place. but look at how many people have stayed watching even when you kind of abandoned your channel for a long time. people love you Chris no mater what it is that you post. you don't have to be someone your not, leave that to the people on tv haha and if worse comes to worse and youtube doesn't workout, then move on to the next thing that makes you happy.

[@hennwilla]

I'M German and I HATE THAT I CAN'T EXPRESS WHAT I WANT TO JUST BC MY ENGLISH ISN'T SO GOOD.. but the short version is: I know what you mean, I like the way you think and more KZbinrs should think about their role on KZbin or the Internet in general and..idk.. just wanted to let you know I'd watch you talking about what you did that day, sitting on a.. idk STONE (what) and doing nothing else bc I just like you as a person and I forgot what else I wanted to say. I appreciate you.

[@maddymelv]

I just hope you end up doing what you love. Good luck Chris.

[@crabstickz]

madeline m me too...me tooo

[@mhcmhco]

***** I have a nauseatingly simpleminded question: Why can't you?

[@MultiJoJo50]

js I saw this on your Instagram account ahaaa

[@Pencilandpaperaddict]

KZbin has become this space of perfection where big youtubers dominate. There is no way of finding small youtubers anymore they are swamped by professionalism. What needs to happen is big youtubers reverting back to the basics. Uploading shit because why the fuck not. the sort of "Second channel" stuff needs to be main channel stuff. KZbin needs to be less daunting. I hope this helps Chris :) I've followed you for a few years and see this awesome guy, not even fangirlin right now, the you that is put across is sincere kind and honest, i connect with that and like it. Go forth and do whatever the fuck you wish Mr Chris. You da man, man! Don't let your audience define you, do whatever you want to do. If your current subscribers dont like it then thats fine, they will leave and others will come in their place and be like "Oh hey, i've heard of this guy, he seems pretty cool". My two cents. Or... pennies... Cuz, Britain n shizz.

[@delicatedreaming]

I agree!!

[@Pencilandpaperaddict]

Elle Roxy Thanks Elle! :)

[@mollyrosee98]

Also agree. The "second channel" content many big channels produce is my favourite stuff purely because it feels more real. There no sense of individuality with the big channels either anymore... Like this new "I'm releasing a book!" phenomenon. We all know that 90% of these people don't actually care to write a book, yet are just doing it to make some money. It's so boring and transparent.

[@Pencilandpaperaddict]

mollyxrose That's what has been the cause of the problem. KZbin has been money oriented like the rest of the world. When money gets involved it tends to make the rich richer and the poor, well... less well off. Shannara Hill 100% agree, some greats points you've added. There are some KZbinrs who have written books that actually have done well and written a great gathering of words into a paper cover. But then some are writing for the sake of money and that's really really sad.

[@SJYoungcreates]

First thing first, I love you and I think this took a lot of balls. From our own conversations that we've had in private you've seemed frustrated at yourself and wanting more. This video is exactly what you needed to do, to be honest and frank about it all on camera, to help a confused community understand what you're going through instead of speculating, worrying and getting angry on certain sites, which in turn would not help you. It was becoming a cycle. Very happy to see such a vibrant comment section due to this video. The current KZbin thing is a trend, we're all like a group of young comics learning our craft, learning how to connect with the audience while still feeling fulfilled. And yeah there are some KZbinrs who are conforming to a formula of very professional, crisp non-videos but as long as they're making people happy, then that's ok. Last thing, you're extremely talented. Xx

[@arabellas70s]

this level of honesty is actually so admirable these days, I respect you for this video alone and I haven't really checked out your other ones yet. this is what I'd like to see from my favourite youtubers (not going to namedrop, but yeah, this is, to this day, still very relevant to those youtubers) and from people in general. you seem like a great guy and it sucks that you had (have been having?) these sort of struggles. from what I've already seen from you, you don't have to try hard to be funny/someone I'd want to watch and support. you seem awesome and I hope you can believe in yourself more. depression is a shitty thing, and I appreciate that you opened up about it. I'm gonna check out your other stuff :)

[@ShiroiYuki.]

I completely understand what you're going through, I'm going through the same sort of thing right now, but I love that your being real, it's awesome that you're opening up a bit.

[@crabstickz]

Winter Elledge First time for everything.

[@CrashBangAdam]

Couldn't agree with you more Chris. At the end of the day a KZbin channel isn't a television channel, or a portfolio, it's just a place where YOU can upload things. So do that, just upload what you want. Don't worry about it not being funny, just do it. I'd say 90% of my videos are absolute crap but I love them just because I enjoy thinking of the idea and talking about it. Take care buddy :)

[@harjashow]

my thoughts: I wanna make videos that help people and make people feel good I don't, I like when my video quality is good etc but honestly I'd rather just be a good friend because growing up the internet was my friend.

[@TokidokiTraveller]

Thanks for posting this, it's super refreshing. As someone who has grown up watching youtube, every time I go to make a video or edit something it never seems good enough as it feels like its not ok to make mistakes on here. Everyone is so rehearsed and so articulate and funny and meaningful, that it makes me feel like nothing I do will be good enough. I know that in order to get better I need to keep trying, but like you said, I find myself acting and not being myself because I can't help but compare myself to what I've seen on here. I'm going to keep you in mind whenever I try to make a video now, thank you heaps, you're the most 'real' person Ive seen on here in a long time

[@NormaNight]

Just be you. Even if it takes a while to figure it out! And even though you've said that in previous videos you've not been fully yourself, I could still tell you were a genuine person! I think it's hard as a youtuber to be fully myself in front of a camera, simply because I feel pressure as soon as the camera comes on, and I'm not quite sure why yet either! I know exactly what you mean about becoming a "bigger" version of yourself. It's almost like you're on stage or trying to impress an interviewer or something haha. But I like watching genuine people and this video was refreshing to watch on a youtube that seems so polished these days! Also it's so so lovely to see how mature the comments are! You have a wonderful audience!

[@Thegirlwholikesart]

I actually really love THIS kind of video... just sitting down stream-of-consciousness viedos. They're really interesting and help the audience to feel closer to you and understand you better. Keep trying and you'll figure it all out, Chris, we love you and your audience is going to watch whatever content you make. Stick at it. Support is always going to be here for you.

[@Thegirlwholikesart]

Thegirlwholikesart PS I think that people want KZbinrs to be these 'cool' human beings because they like looking up to them, but, in reality, we all just want to connect with another human being with real thoughts and real feelings. They don't have to be cool, or a role model, they just have to be real and acessible.

[@BarbaraLovesDogs]

I like honest Chris quite a lot. Hang in there mate.

[@BarbaraLovesDogs]

Also I like how you admit there i something wrong with youtubers somehow. I'm not sure what it is either but it must've taken a lot of guts to admit that.

[@evannahgray]

Barbara I think the problem is that a lot (not all, just a lot) of the most popular 'tubers now are in it for the fame. I'd say 2008-2012 were the KZbin Golden Years because you really got a feeling that everyone on the site was doing it because they genuinely, wholeheartedly loved it, and having a platform for their creativity. Now it just feels like some sort of career launcher for people that want to be on TV, if that makes sense...

[@Lucy17x]

I agree ! A lot of them now are not genuinely making videos purely because they love to, but just as a career move , We love the honesty of those who are being true to themselves , and their subscribers, whilst making their videos .

[@BarbaraLovesDogs]

Lucy Jane Lucy17x I think that things just evolve and change and that youtube is just different from what it was ~5 years ago...that doesn't necessarily mean all changes are bad/good, what I do know is thatit's different and some of just doesn't feel right. Many factors play into that and I can't really say I'm not disappointed about some of it but I also don't blame youtubers for going along with changes.It's just all quite complicated and I can't talk from a creator's point of view so...

[@quinintheclouds]

This is still so relevant. I'm struggling to let go a bit on my videos and stop trying to plan and script and speak everything perfectly. It's like I'm editing and censoring my words as they leave my mouth, and cutting out the bits that make me who I am because I think no one wants to see that. But I shouldn't be trying to appease anyone or live up to the expectations I've imagined other people have...I should take my own advice and just make what makes me happy, what I'm passionate about. It's hard to create when you think of yourself as the product.

[@IamTomRobinson]

I feel like KZbin (as with many of the social medias) is currently in its Adolescence. It's a massive, multi-national business and an enormous social presence with some of the best minds in the world behind it, but as a community; it’s still relatively new. The societies that we live in and around have come to be after thousands of years of social evolution, with so many ups and downs. But the internet come along with this entirely new form of community(KZbin) and rushes in so young and unsure of where its identity lies, so is essentially still finding its feet as a social influence/outlet/platform.

[@IamTomRobinson]

comparisons can also be drawn to many celebrity teens in their adolescence, with all the money and PR firms guiding them, they still haven't quite learnt who they are or their place in the world just yet..

[@LemonSte]

This is the video I've been waiting for you to make tbh... I think its easy to see the huge difference between the comments section on your videos and a more "generic" youtuber, e.g. Dan/Phil, sprinkleofglitter - people are less hysterical, more genuine I find. The reason for that is even though you were pretending to be something you're not, it was clear enough that people were able to see through that and believe you would eventually come around to being honest with us. Everyone asked if you were okay because they genuinely were concerned, I think (hope) you understand that a bit better now you've come to the realisations you talk about in this... As for the question you pose, I think that where KZbin "went wrong" is difficult to put down to just one thing, but I guess overall its just the fact its now become a career job - a high-earning job for some, when one factors in book sales and merch etc etc (something I've never felt entirely comfortable with), and so youtubers feel more pressure to create "better and better" content, I.e. perfect content with all the mistakes pushed to the end or into a separate video, or just never shown at all. They have to get the best cameras, best lighting, best everything. For me, KZbin went downhill when that shit actually started mattering to people. I remember watching Phil's videos when he was like 21, making videos in his bedroom on a webcam, and honestly, though he's great, I preferred the videos back then. I prefer the older videos of most youtubers, because of what you're talking about. There's this blur between absolute celebrity and the whole "I'm just a youtuber" thing, and so much hysteria because of it. I don't know what else to say except that I'm not happy about it and never have been, so you're not alone in feeling the way you do about it and not being sure where to head next with your channel. I've wanted to start a channel for years but now I wonder what would be the point. The KZbin I appreciated, I appreciated for the quality of content. Now people want to see pretty girls tell them how to put makeup on and pretty blokes pretend to be more nerdy than they are. Idk. I'm really pessimistic about it all right now. What I really love atm is the film making/acting/comedy community on here... I'm loving stuff by PJ (and his friend's projects), Jack Howard, Bertie gilbert, buzzfeed, and whatever I can find like that really. This is cause there's actual raw talent among these people, not like other youtubers doing tag videos or whatever, famous for the sake of being famous. It feels very hollow. I'd love to see you making videos again, but only if you keep being as honest as you are now. I really like your comedy videos but these last few have just confused me, I didn't know what was real and what wasn't, which is another reason people tried to reach out and check up on you. Sorry this is so long and probably makes no sense, I am sooo ill right now. Thanks for the video though, it was a breath of fresh air in a polluted youtube tbh

[@LemonSte]

Another thing, I attended sitc 2014 (though I didn't pay, my friend had a spare ticket - I ain't paying that much to turn up, live off sweets and chips and probably never meet anyone) and it just completely ruined my view of KZbin culture. Everyone's there to meet youtubers, nothing else. Everyone is each others enemy, an obstacle instead of a fellow viewer. Its so sickening. I didn't meet any you tubers, firstly because of the queue system, but then when I had the opportunity to meet people I just couldn't bring myself to because I felt so humiliated to be generalised with the people there, worried the youtuber might think I was some crazy fan girl. I figured I've already met most of the youtubers I want to meet (dan, phil, you, pj, charlieissocoollike, carrie, a few others i forget) I figured "I'll just chance it another time". Its so mad how much KZbin had changed even just in a few years; I also attended sitc 2012, when I met all the people I wanted to, met some polite people, won some stuff, and it was just generally pretty cool. Still a bit hysterical but not as bad. I wish I'd been able to go to the earlier meets where there were so fewer people (its kinda similar to jubilee gardens meets the MCRmy used to have a few years ago - when they got too popular they got shit.) Just can't stand the celebrity culture if KZbin right now. I'm not saying all mainstream youtubers are evil - on the contrary, I think they're trying their hardest, most of them, to be genuine. But as soon as someone says they're releasing a bloody book I just back away and take a minute to scream internally

[@schemingpenguin]

Wow, I always wondered if KZbinrs felt this way when recording and uploading videos. So many of them don't ever express a solid opinion on important issues, I always thought that was in fear of losing subscribers, that they have to be like an older, cooler sibling the viewer has no matter what. And with 24 hours worth of film uploaded every second, they're trying desperately to stay relevant and popular. Every so often a popular KZbinr uploads a 'I'm fucking stressed' video, which always for some reason has less views. I think this is because the viewers use YT as an escape, so when their flawless, perfect role models, show cracks, they don't feel comfortable. Like they want to be close with them, but not that close.

[@crabstickz]

AquaStorm Yeah, I think there are a few youtubers going through similar things. Unless we communicate then who would know.

[@phoebekaty3189]

***** Please don't feel obligated to make us laugh, having a real and ardent connection with you is all your viewers want! Keep doing what you're doing xD

[@ipjk8717]

I saw u in London in March !!

[@LittleLemonTV]

I totally agree with you! I've been on KZbin for years and I miss videos like this.I miss being able to feel a real connection with other KZbinrs and also with my viewers. It's all of a sudden not allowed almost for us to just sit and make a video without there being a massive production that goes along with it. KZbin is the best job in the world and people would love to be in our position but sometimes it gets too much. Sometimes I just wanna have a chat with my viewers and connect with them in the purest way possible but for some reason, that's just not possible. We are not people anymore, we're characters. I think that's the problem. I wish it could be the way it used to be but I honestly don't think it'll get back to that. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this video too, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way! Hope you have a lovely day! Emily

[@leanacam3759]

I guess the camera acts like a giant mirror to KZbinrs and they're always trying to perfect themselves into some idealized accepted persona, one that can't make mistakes, say the wrong thing. It isn't about fun or hobbies anymore more so of sculpting an impressionable youth and making money. When they are just people with cameras. I guess that's why I decided I wouldn't want to be a youtuber, I couldn't handle all the power and influence and constant need to stay with an audience that can change with the click of a button just to keep myself feed. Lots of stress really, no one asked for this.

[@sentientrosestudios]

It CAN be! I would love to watch something with mistakes if it's still entertaining it's more about people thinking about their subscribers more than their content

[@DaveronaDesigns]

[@lesley915]

Leana Cam And make money

[@Planet_Bebe]

Leana Cam I think this has summed up what has "happened" to YT very well. Very insightful!

[@onallepack]

this is so much more real and what we needed to hear

[@crabstickz]

actual-skank That's the plan

[@marii6030]

Honestly Chris, I don't care if you're funny in your videos or not. I care about your well-being and you being happy. If you need some time to figure out what it is you want to do, by all means take your time man. We just want you to be happy

[@elliekimerina723]

I understand what you're going through completely, Chris. this may be late but I'm just going to say that I feel so much joy from watching ANY types of videos from you. be it "professional funny Chris" or "down to earth, deep, chill Chris" I love them both. ramble however long you want and I'd still love it. making videos while being yourself would really help, but I also know how sensitive that must feel considering that you don't let that part of yourself out on camera often. I feel like this with going to school and meeting people in general. I've always got to act. and after so long, I had a mental breakdown and was absent for so long from school. I understand the feeling, be it depression, anxiety, mental breakdowns, I understand. and I'm so fucking sorry you have to go through that, along with other problems in life. but I will say this too, I'm always going to watch whatever you post. whatever it is that you do, I will always be here. and so will everyone else that loves you videos. we all love you Chris, and I hope so fucking much that you feel better now. remember, try not to stress over things, try not to stress over the future. enjoy the present, before it becomes past. just live in the moment, and forget about the things you worry about for a while. and i also hope that you're staying healthy and safe, Chris ❤ ^_^

[@PhanGirling]

okay wow, this really got me thinking. chris, if you're not enjoying KZbin then you shouldn't feel pressured into making videos. please, do something that makes you happy.

[@thesheepthatwentmooo]

I dunno man, I think all levels of performers have an alter ego with which to entertain. I've been doing stand up comedy for a while now, and hanging out with comedians after a gig or whatever is vastly different to being onstage with them - they're a lot calmer, quieter and less funny - in the nicest possible way. I could go on, but really that's the main part of what I've been thinking.

[@kirstilaura3632]

I think it's because KZbin has become a business rather than a hobby. People have a brand to uphold! It's the same with celebrities, they're always expected to have this perfect persona, have their lives together. But you don't have to conform to that. If crabstickz isn't you anymore, let him go and just be you!

[@izzykate1806]

Exactly! I was discussing this with a few friends the other day. KZbin has become so commercialised, it's no longer a video sharing site: it's a business. While some KZbinrs are still seemingly genuine and stuff, so many of them seem to be becoming more about merchandise and popularity. I haven't seen this spoken about yet, but have you noticed how every 'big' KZbinr is releasing a book now? Seriously, it's gotten to the point where I read a title that says 'MY HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT' and I know it's going to be on similar lines of releasing a book or merchandise or something like that. KZbin just doesn't seem as fun and enjoyable anymore, because of how corporate it is becoming. The pressures to put out contact and keep people happy is becoming too much for some.

[@kirstilaura3632]

Izzy Iggilypuff Couldn't agree more! I don't have a problem with YTers releasing books and whatnot, because I understand that this is their job, and they need to pay their rent. But that doesn't mean that everyone who wants to make videos has to go down that route!

[@izzykate1806]

I'm exactly the same! I think it's great they're getting opportunities to write books etcetera, but it seems that everyone's hoped on the bandwagon lately ^^;

[@firstnamelastname4752]

Hi! So this is the first video I have ever watched of yours, having found it through Olan's video response. As an outsider, I can say that if your are smart enough to identify the separation between the ego and the outside world then you have a new subscriber in me. It's only a matter that of time before you learn to separate the ego from the self, and that's when sh!t gets real. When it's over, you'll probably look back at who you were and realise you were just a naïve toddler trying to play with a new toy. (Armchair psychologist time) What you're having appears to be a personality crisis, where you have spent so much time putting on a performance that now the performance is becoming a part of you. It's pretty obvious you don't want this, so you perhaps need to prepare yourself for a big change. First though, definitely watch Olan's response video. I have been subscribed to him for years now and I am definitely happy to be one of the bricks he slowly added over time. The moments I have 'with him' are incredibly genuine. The most important thing is to see how happy he is. He LOVES what he's doing. And his subscribers don't just love his content, they love him too.

[@firstnamelastname4752]

Idea: keep this channel, but start a new one where you are yourself. A fresh start, with a new audience. Work on the new one more, but come back to this channel whenever you're in the mood. Don't let this channel be all that you are, especially if it doesn't make you happy.

[@zoezew]

In this new world KZbin has become, everyone strives to portray themselves as perfect. And that feigned flawlessness is partly a result of the community becoming a harder place to find success in. But additionally I believe that the reservations people had about exposing their personal lives at the beginning has changed from caution to lack of warmth. It makes sense that some people might not want to show every explicit detail of their life, but that's not what it's about anymore. Everyone seems to want to portray this perfect person, or genius comedian, or life guru and role model, and to do so they take the route of a perfect illusion. But that isn't really what an audience wants in my opinion. When we look at those high up content creators we lose sight of them as people and just seem them as entities of a higher existence. And the more perfect they seem the less we can relate and the more we see them as actors. In my most genuine place of saying this, I think you're brilliant and beyond brave to address this in a video. And honestly, this is a very valuable thing you've begun. Being perfect isn't what being a person is about. It's about messing up and having flaws, and going from there as a person. Perfect isn't something anyone can be compared to or relate to. I just really want to say thank you Chris. I think this is the start of something good for you and everyone else.

[@zoezew]

and brave for putting this out there. I feel like this so something that will be very special and good for everyone and yourself. And I just want to say thank you because I feel like this is something very hard to do

[@Himani_inamiH]

I think most people watch KZbin video alone at home in their bedrooms and it's nice to sort of hang out with these people who make videos and put them up. It doesn't have to be a funny thing most people are attracted to personality and its interesting to hear what the creator is saying. I think the problem is us viewers sort of know when we are witnessing an elated form of your personality and I don't know if you realize that. Its fairly easy to tell reality apart from here but from your side you seem to be muddling up this person you become when that camera turns on. I know its weird to see the rise of face to face meetings and stuff from youtube creators and the whole thing doesn't really make sense. Shouldn't the videos be the mode of discussion shouldn't they be how you get to know the creator? Its gotten to a point where creators get anxiety because they feel the need to be elated personifications of themselves even when they meet someone in real life. Thats crazy I mean imagine playing the part of the Joker all the time you'd loose yourself. I think many KZbinrs make an alter ego to get subscribes and appeal to viewers and its hard to get to that point so you have to do so so much that it kind of changes you. But you are there you don't have to worry I mean we are all still watching and supporting. If you truly love this job do it the way to want nothing should feel like a hindrance to that.

[@Himani_inamiH]

potwhovian Honestly it would be soo much more refreshing to have someone be real and talk about being them and being human and even being a loser because that is what we the viewers and everyone else is. Its nice to escape reality sometimes and watch a funny video but honestly we might be going though the same things in life as you and its quite insightful to talk about those things. If you made a video about how you had to pay rent and how the social structure in general or the requirements of KZbin have made that difficult we would understand and connect on some level. You know what i mean like give it a shot we might surprise you. Humans beings are all the same we are so weird we all want fairly the same things we don't want to be alone and we want to talk about it but we don't let that happen. Especially our generation we'd rather cover it all up with a little booze or talk because of booze or cover it all up by being funny and being different instead of just fucking talking. I know its a struggle everyone around me goes through it but if you just want to be you on KZbin and just talk then great do a Q and A and make us ask questions that will let you discuss what you want to discuss. I dunno we are all losers, honestly though I spend hours on KZbin watching videos and content of other creative people instead creating something of my own, but it makes more sense to talk about being a loser than hiding it and pretending to be fine.

[@pinkpinkpinkpink8888]

potwhovian well said!

[@Himani_inamiH]

andie Thank you!

[@thesestrangerslikeme]

KZbin has become so professional. It used to be a place where you could watch people do stupid stuff or just having fun, or like watch cat videos or fail videos. Now it's like, people come for content, people EXPECT stuff. Subscribers feel entitled to content, and I don't understand why. Someone could post a 1 minute video once a month and people would be fine, if that's what they were used to with that KZbinr, but then if another channel that normally puts out three 5 minute videos a day only puts out two videos, subscribers flip out. Who knows why????

[@thesestrangerslikeme]

It's the subscribers' fault, not the KZbinrs. The subs are demanding, and the channels are just trying to meet demands. Which they shouldn't have to do, because it isn't the subs' channel, it's theirs.

[@gracemary8374]

optional-adventure I feel like it isn't either the KZbinrs fault or the subscribers but rather the industries that recently started to involve themselves in KZbin via sponsorships and advertising etc. The demand is asked from corporations rather than subscribers, and the creators scramble to meet these demands as KZbin is mostly their job and of course , the more videos the more profit. Even more recently [the last 6 months or so] KZbin has been paying less , a few of the agencies KZbinrs are involved in partaking in a little 'foul play' . The state of the quality , quantity and all round disconnect from what KZbin used to be is due to the business like nature it has had to take on.

[@caaronjolras]

Gracie definitely agree!! there have been so many more ads in videos and videos promoting companies, etc. etc. this seems to happen to every social media outlet, and it's frustrating to have a safe place be invaded by companies trying to connect to young people so they can make more money from us.

[@speckofdignity2487]

This is one of the most genuine comment sections I have ever seen and you very much deserve it. You are amazing Chris, especially when you are yourself

[@antoniahartshorn6657]

For most, KZbin is no longer about connecting with fans, it's about perpetuating a money generating personality. People are afraid to try something new because the old stuff is safe income and new is controversial. They do say to never turn your hobby into your job. Some KZbinrs, like yourself, are uncomfortable with being a character, some are fine with it. But I can say for sure that the person you were in this video, who I think was the real you, was a lot more insightful and interesting and was definitely someone who I'm glad to subscribe to. Well done on breaking the mould, most haven't got the balls.

[@antoniahartshorn6657]

PS sorry for the length of the comment and seriousness!!

[@InsomniacOfSuburbia]

I'll tell you what's going on with KZbin right now, Chris; it's shit. It's got to the point where the content doesn't even seem to matter. And y'know what, fuck it, I'll use Alfie Deyes as an example: he is the embodiment of all that is wrong with KZbin. People watch his videos not because they're expecting something funny/interesting/thought-provoking, but because it's him. His name, PointlessBlog, has become more important that what he puts out there. And what he puts out there is shit. What you put out there, Chris, is not shit. Especially this. This is you being honest, and being you. So many KZbinrs have forgotten how to be themselves and how to be honest. So thank you.

[@ItsTheCatSpeaking24]

Preach

[@IzzyTheGerbil]

This is brilliant and people really needed to hear this, I hope you're doing great!

[@crabstickz]

IzzyTheGerbil I am doing great yes! Just so happily confused right now!

[@frankieduris463]

I can't say I ever take the time to comment on KZbin videos or really spend a whole lot of my time here in general. I'm not subscribed to any KZbinr. If someone sends me a video I'll usually watch and that's about where my exploration ends. But I do follow Olan Rogers on Facebook and IG and watch all of his videos. His stories and my favorite and I swear I quote them daily (especially on Mondays). I recently saw the one he posted about you. I've never seen any of your other videos, but this one touched my heart. I don't know you, but this made me feel connected in some sort of way. I've never been a fan of the Internet and all the madness it brings. But a video so raw and honest is something I'd rather watch than someone not being who they really are, amping up some sort of unidentified qualifications to be "cool" or liked, feeling like we somehow have to be someone we are not. I may not be on KZbin a whole lot but it pertains to identity and how we present ourselves in our every day lives. I had a lot of identity issues for a while, but thankfully I truly know who I am after a long journey of searching. I was created beautiful and don't need to live up to any expectation that others may think I should be or have to be, I want to just be me. Completely and utterly me. This video was so pure and honest and I appreciate when people can just present themselves as who they are. I do have general anxiety disorder. I know it can be hard for the fear of what others may think of you at times but freeing yourself from those chains and being 100% all that you are, has at least led me down a road of happiness. It takes courage. You do YOU.

[@tomlucas8640]

I am perfectly fine with Chris just talking shit! Just him making videos is enough :)

[@crabstickz]

Tom Lucas That makes me feel so confident, thanks

[@ANoteToSelf]

I agree so much with this video. Trying to be funny for every video is honestly what has been holding me back all these years, but ever since I gave up on that notion, frequent uploading has been waaaaay easier for me. But I think that Chris has established an audience that care about seeing him happy more than seeing him tell jokes. He could probably sit down and talk about his love of giraffes for ten minutes and I know I would be fine with it haha.

[@starseer73]

I've been feeling a similar disillusioned feeling towards KZbin lately (or rather I feel disillusioned, not quite sure about you), and I think it's because of how corporate it's gone. People first came on KZbin to share parts of their lives with random people on the internet or broadcast themselves, but now it's a proper job, and it requires good lighting, good cameras, good editing, etc. Like you said, a lot of KZbinrs feel the need to put on a show and play a character, and it makes the whole thing end up feeling really...fake. Many KZbinrs are releasing books, and the majority are doing them just for the sake of having a book or the money, despite being loaded. Most of them don't speak up when there's a serious scandal like sexual assault in the community. But it's not just a KZbinr problem. Viewers, too. Some viewers idolize KZbinrs to a dangerous degree or invade KZbinrs' privacies bc they think it's funny or stalk them on holiday just to get a picture. I spend most of my time watching Dan and Phil, and although I enjoy them a lot, I'm not going to lie -- I strongly dislike the character Dan always plays. I hate that they rarely upload and can get away w it bc they have such a loyal fanbase, especially on their gaming channel which started off doing 11 vids a month and now has trickled down to about 2. Fans say "they're busy w the radio show" or "they're writing a book!" but we viewers didn't ask them for that -- those are not their main jobs. Idk, I like them a lot but I wish they could be more genuine.

[@starseer73]

Anyways, I'm really enjoying these honest videos. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your content, Chris :)

[@nbliss446]

starseer73 I completely agree with you. I also feel like Dan and Phil's fanbase has become somewhat 'embarrassing' and also younger so their personalities have slightly changed. I mean Dan definitely has deep thought etc but I feel he over exaggerates these feeling nowadays. It just annoys me also how his fanbase went from cool people I could relate to, to excited 12 year olds who are 'quirky' and 'different'. Sorry for replying with such a long comment but I rarely see people with the same or similar opinion as me when I comes to Dan and Phil because people are so obsessed with them these days, that they find no faults.

[@starseer73]

Nyssa Clarke I completely agree with you. I think the thing about Dan is that he cares way too much about being funny/entertaining (kind of like how Chris said he's always stressing about how to make things funny or whatever.) It's really obvious he plays up his DINOF persona when on camera, and he's even admitted to it! His liveshows are a little more genuine, but even then he's putting on a show -- he even has his professional lighting up so he'll look nice. He's also pretty bad at taking criticism, which sucks bc he's become way too self-conscious and won't put up videos for like a month bc he doesn't want it to be bad. On the other hand, Phil is so good at keeping things to himself that sometimes I wonder if viewers really see the true him. Whereas Dan tries to present an exaggerated/different version of himself on camera but ends up having his real personality leak through, Phil is just so hard to figure out. Idk how much of his AP persona is him and how much is acting. And then if you point these things out, some fans attack you for not being true fans (also if you're not supportive of their book.) Sorry for writing so much; I think about this stuff a lot, which is why I liked this video so much.

[@nbliss446]

starseer73 It's nice to see that someone else shares the same views as me :)

[@felucca]

But KZbin is Dan and Phil's PRIORITY, Dan said so!!!!!111!! [/obvious sarcasm] I feel you mate.

[@oliviaplayer8039]

I can never cope with the over rehearsed-ness (that's not a word, deal with it) of most KZbin videos for more than a two minutes and before I knew it this video was at six minutes, absolutely captivating.

[@coraliechristopher8907]

In Psychology, you learn about defense mechanism tactics, and how some will project a false persona to avoid others knowing that they're hurt. I think you can admit that you were depressed; people can go through periods of depression without having it diagnosed as a mental disorder. Because KZbin is changing so drastically, there's such pressure to have your 'brand' be perfect and fit the archetype you create for it to the T. Playing someone you're not for such a long time (I think of people who have online personas that vlog daily/upload incredibly frequently) would wear anyone down. It's okay to admit that you're struggling; thank you for being so honest with us.

[@highlyhp]

God, this is so relatable. I love this. I love you talking about your thoughts, just point blank. This kind of content is therapeutic, probably for you as well as for us. I can't speak for you or for everyone, but this video makes me want to make a video in a very similar manner. Raw thoughts are so easily snatched into oblivion but recording them and uploading them and waiting for discussion to ensue, that's a really special power and I think this is the beginning of a lot of good you can do with your channel.

[@RiverSongSings]

There's an old saying that as soon as a camera goes on, no one can act natural. And it's true, as soon as I pull out my phone and go "hey guys let's take a photo!" or "im filming!" everyone around me just starts acting so weirdly, like how we were acting just a minute ago isn't good enough for posterity or to be kept. Everyone has a persona depending on who they're with, friends, family, work colleagues etc so they can act the way they'll be accepted the most with that group. And KZbin just happens to be another group to which you have another persona. I think that applies to pretty much everyone on this website including myself.Everyone has a different idea of what is an acceptable persona on this website depending on what community or "niche" they find themselves in. In regards to KZbin itself, there's so much going on in different parts of it and it's such a "new" thing to be expanding outside of just this website. It's so far reaching it's incredible. Content that you'd never see on mainstream media would be made available to everyone who knows about it, people relate and find community with each other and I think with the way it's going, KZbin is so much more than just this website anymore. There's a bigger picture and I'm very curious as to how it's playing out. I'm probably going to make a video response to this at some point because I've already written quite a bit here and well, what's the point of me being on this website for the past 6 years and not having a crack at it?

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

20 takes - yasssss. Every time! I only started in summer 2013 and now it's my job and it's very hard to adapt!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Melanie Murphy and to answer your question at the end, I think what's going on with KZbin is that there's SO many people now and there's SO many opportunities arising for some KZbinrs that it's made everyone feel way more self aware and the bar feels so out of reach! Even though I grew so quickly I'm always like, in the back of my head...you're not doing your best, you'll never be as good as 'insert name here'...blergh

[@PascaleDeBom]

i enjoyed this video a lot more than any of the other recent videos you did

[@CarlyMFriesen]

PascaleDeBom same :)

[@PascaleDeBom]

Carly Friesen this was so nice, right?

[@Chouetterargentee]

PascaleDeBom me too

[@JaeRiottt]

I feel like I know why: it was genuine.

[@MovingLightEntertainment]

Hey Chris! Just letting you know that seeing your face is enough! You don't have to be funny, you don't have to be relatable or give opinions, I just want to see you happy and living life. I wish you all the best on your recovery (is that even the right word? I don't know...) Good luck.

[@MovingLightEntertainment]

Adding to that, I'd like a person that I can connect to on this dark weirdness of a site. This is nice, just this

[@elsiemabel]

You've got to remember that you are one of the few genuine KZbinrs left, even if you play a character.

[@kdiggedydawg]

This is without a doubt one of the best things I've seen on youtube, I mean holy shit Not being a "youtuber" myself but constantly thinking about starting out as one this is almost exactly what's going through my own head for when I myself am going to start making videos and uploading them on here. It might simply be because this is "real", like really really, and even though this is now 4 months old, and I randomly stumbled upon it, it speaks to me in a way that no other video on youtube / youtube person ever has before. Not sure what you just did but this is now something that needs to be thought about in my brain for a while.

[@ruthpayne9146]

Chris I know you're having a hard time, but I'm really proud of you for making this. I think all of us would love "Normal Chris Q&A" and other videos where you'e just... Real Chris. It doesn't have to be confusing. We want to see you. And maybe some videos as "crabstickz" are good, because playing a character is something you do well. But mostly Real Chris would be fantastic because it gives you more room. Nothing's wrong with pretending a little bit. But overall, Real Chris is what I think most of us HERE want to see. You don't have to be funny for us, Chris :)

[@crazyk8lady562]

I really love this genuine video. Don't get me wrong, I think crabstickz is funny. I do. But I love Chris Kendall.

[@shauneevampyre]

I agree that youtube has gone wrong - people have built such huge fanbases that they have become disconnected from their viewers and instead are desperate to entertain. I like that you still feel genuine and real and I wouldn't want you to feel you have to force yourself to be funny :) be who you are and those of us who enjoy that will stay and those who don't will leave. Just remember the super deep quote by Kurt Cobain - "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not"

[@shauneevampyre]

I think you probably feel this way because you feel pressured into conforming to unrealistic expectations. Just yolo it and enjoy being who you are :D

[@UllisEP]

What a fantastically discouraging video to watch as you're starting to get into this vlogging business! But a very interesting one as well. It's equal parts comforting and terrifying to learn that the same struggles you have starting out persists when you gain subscribers. But no surprise there, creativity is always scary stuff and finding the perfect middle between being entertaining and being true is always a balancing act! I do however love that fact that youtube is a forum where there is space to address and problematise these issues. So in conclusion: Great video, I appreciate the courage it took to make it and I hope you're doing better about half a year later! (Also, you kick some serious ass in Oscar's Hotel)

[@carneyschultz3951]

In my opinion you are on the right track, I hate how fake youtube can be sometimes. When I subscribe to people its because I like them and the more real they are the more I feel I can relate and connect. Nobody is perfect but its ridiculous how you can make yourself seem so great over social media. I love the emotion driven videos thats honestly what I want to see from everyone because it also makes me feel less crazy and alone.

[@crabstickz]

Carney Schultz It's so nice to hear that not everyone wants to see perfect lives on youtube, my life is a shambles right now and I wanna share that with everyone but feel like I can't until I'm being invited to premieres and events! But, all that's about to change!

[@sugan6018]

***** I would love for you share your life and yourself exactly the way it is. I hate when things are sugar-coated especially when they are supposed to portray reality. This is why I stay away from all reality television! What I value most in a youtube video is realism. I want to be able to connect and relate to the 'person' on the other end of the screen, not an over-the-top version of them. I am looking forward to more videos like these!:) Don't be afraid to be yourself as cliché as that sounds. I think many will still support you. I know I certainly will!:)

[@Lucy-bd3zp]

Hi! I can't think of anything more to add to these comments I just want you ('you' being anyone who reads this) to know that I agree with every word they say! I think that trying to connect with people is the best thing to do so people can realise that many KZbinrs don't actually live differently to anyone else and would make them feel like they aren't alone or something... I think that's what I'm trying to say... I look forward to seeing other videos like this Chris!

[@izzyxo3571]

Just the fact that you're making videos makes me over the moon! :D

[@izzyxo3571]

Just so long as you're happy, we're happy.

[@blacktigers98]

I really like this honesty Chris. I like that u have an idea of what you want and need. But don't completely hide that humor. It is still a part of you. Whether it's the part that controls you is a different story. But we love you and thank you for this video. I laughed and teared up a bit. 😏

[@crabstickz]

Andrea Youngken aww thanks, I'm glad you understood what I'm feeling :D

[@Rookleyz]

I saw this when he first posted it, and I decided to watch it again. This is the first time, I think, I have ever been pulled into your video and genuinely felt connected to you as an artist, Chris. You're absolutely right. You have put too much pressure on yourself. Honestly, this video is my favorite because you learned something about yourself, we can see you fighting to be free of this stigma to be a perfect tv show host KZbinr, and you finally let us see the real you. I noticed that you didn't fix your hair until the middle of the video. It was messy, but realize that when you connect with us, we're not going to remember how you looked. We're going to remember how you made us feel. This is one of the few videos that I'll always remember. You spoke up about it, you broke the wall some people are too cowardly to breach, and you certainly made an impact on my life, if anything. You reached me. You can say you did that much.

[@Caroline13559]

I prefer this side of you (the more authentic side) I've been subscribed for years; I am 20 now and I've honestly lost interest in the quick comedy sketches I used to watch as a young teen. It's impossible to make everyone happy, but your personality is naturally engaging and this new angle just makes you engaging and sincere. To poorly answer your question, I don't understand why the youtuber goal is to be perceived as clever and cool. The people who subscribe are largely total strangers so why does it matter what they think?! Even as adults we are all just kids in the schoolyard trying to impress with our biting wit and effortless style and it's pretty ridiculous (human-nature and all that jazz) On a positive note, I'd like to think you are becoming a youtuber that tries to relate instead of purely entertain. Not all youtubers have to be a character or a brand; sometimes you can just be a person on the other end of the internet. It's quite refreshing and I hope you keep on this path

[@izbrdly]

All I can say is just be Chris. Who ever he is, just be him. I personally will enjoy your videos whatever persona you take on but its up to you to choose how you act depending on what makes you happiest. I hope you can decide on a way to make videos and be happy at the same time :)

[@chriscizzle]

I'm really liking this Chris guy. :) x (you have all my support)

[@MemoriesofaDestiny]

I got here from Olan Roger's video. I just think that, with any social media, KZbin has the enormous and unique potential to establish a very real human connection across all kinds of borders. I think that as an audience we often tend to gravitate towards and be sucked in by vapid, shallow trends. It's more instantly gratifying to binge watch any type of video (comedy, beauty, etc.) than to try and invest time and thought into forging a connection to other videos. Videos that reveal some human imperfection, some weakness, some divergence from the normal. I'm not a "youtuber" in the sense that I make videos, but I definitely am guilty of taking for granted the face value of the people I follow. Maybe that's the kind of change we need. Authenticity, pursuit of something real and genuine, and that definitely can be done through comedy. I enjoyed this candid video, and subscribed, if that's any consolation! Good luck Chris!

[@calliphoridaelucilia7679]

"why do we have to be so cool?". thank god someone said it. it applies to life outside youtube, it's a bigger idea than all this. you don't need to know where this is going Chris, just be proud of yourself for being honest because this video has value in itself.

[@VampirateYuki]

I'm sorry you've been having troubles Chris. Honestly, I find you very engaging even when you're just sort of chatting with us like in this video. Just do what feels right to you and I'm sure we'll love it. I liked the last few videos even though I was worried about you and I liked this, you're just interesting to listen to.

[@emw6930]

Hey chris, you say you're a loser but we're pretty much ALL losers on the internet! Also you dont have to be funny to be entertaining! There are a lot of youtubers that are not necessarily funny but we still watch them because its enjoyable :) what you said in this video was so honest and we all respect you for that! Im fine with watching the real you because its just as good as 'crabstickz' or whoever you feel like you are trying to be xxx

[@crabstickz]

Emily Woods Thanks emily, words to live by me thinks!

[@Conor_music]

Emily Woods Couldn't have said it any better myself :)

[@amradioactivei461]

Conor McLaughlin I've been waiting so long for your return, Chris and it is so good to get to know you better. I agree with you, KZbin is becoming slightly weird. It's like everyone is trying to act cool, as you said, to enterain others. But then, it more and more looks like they're slowly losing their own real personalities. I hope it stops somehow or they realise that cuz Idt it can be anything good. Be safe, Chris :)

[@galaxybobbi9492]

He really is amazing isn't he?

[@AnniemalPlanet]

***** i don't usually comment on videos, it's just I know where you're coming from and I spent about 6 years of my life battling this before i found perspective. I hope this comment helps you a little, and just know that you're not alone. I know you're into philosophy, and so am I. It's just you shouldn't read into these thoughts as just piling on of "facts," you have to be able to distinguish what is real truth and what is superficial truth. The fact that you're saying "this is not me" is simply false. There's no way for you to not be you. Those feelings of the you that you're not being is just your mind creating the illusion of the you that you want to be--a sort of deity-chris that is unfortunately unattainable because no matter what kind of improvement you make, when you reach that level of improvement and if you still hold the same mindset, you will still feel like you're not "there." You have been you the whole time. And, most importantly, from what I learned from my own experience is to see every single moment of life as just a great learning experience. This taught me acceptance and to forgive myself. For all the things I considered "failures" and all the missed opportunities, they were all just obstacles and hindrances I created for myself. Things like anxiety, resistance, and so on. Chris, crabstickz is you because you made crabstickz. Funny is you because you made funny. This you from this video is also you. That's all there is to it. You said yourself that even with how limitless the universe is, the world that we live in is the world we create ourselves in our own minds. The obstacles you have are your creations, and you are capable of letting them go. Free yourself and just live life

[@haleymadison9669]

I just came to your channel because I saw you in pj's new show.I am really mad that I haven't watched your videos before then.You make content that I am proud to watch.Its hilarious and maddening at the same time.I know you asked for us to comment what we think you are going through and what has happened to youtube.Everyone in the comments section has done that for me though.I just wanted to say that you are one of those shiny rocks that takes a lot of digging to get to but when you do find it you cherish it for a while.You are that shiny rock Chris and I hope you have realized that.That probably didn't make any sense but o h w e l l.