what does it feel like to get misgendered? (nonbinary)

[@whoknows.201]

yess the thing about getting misgendered as "the opposite" gender is so true. im afab and non-binary too, but the fact that I get so giddy when someone perceives me as male is the reason I believed I was a trans guy for like two years, before lockdown happened which is when I became more comfortable with myself and realised even though it made me happy, I'm not a guy. And I thought the reason was similar to what you said: that because I've spent so long being forced into a "female box", it feels euphoric to be seen as anything outside that because 'at least they don't see me as female', so therefore I must be passing and looking pretty androgynous.

[@whoknows.201]

also just reached the end and damnnnnnn you have such a nice voice

[@day.chlo.pruong]

since i’m closeted (except on the internet in random comment sections), i’m used to being misgendered. but once at a grocery store this person dropped something and i picked it up; they said “thank you sir, or ma’am. sorry, its so hard to tell these days with masks.” i don’t really like gendered terms, but i liked how the person was confused because i was confused too

[@lilydodge2374]

Sometimes people being confused makes me feel better than them correcting themselves bc they don't know anymore than I do (I'm genderfluid, so it changes constantly)

[@krisuler7734]

@@lilydodge2374 what do you mean by it changes constantly?

[@syd3712]

@@krisuler7734 people that are gender fluid have their gender changing constantly like within weeks, days, and even by the hour gender fluid people can feel that their gender changes by how they feel. idk if I explained it well enough but you can look it up

[@krisuler7734]

@@syd3712 wouldn’t that be gender dysphoria…if it changes by the hour? I’m not baiting btw, I’m genuinely wondering this.

[@syd3712]

@@krisuler7734 no because gender dysphoria is a different thing, being gender fluid doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gender dysphoric all the time, it just means you feel what ever gender you are at the moment. sorry its really hard to explain tho

[@Sammy-dq6wt]

"babe wake up, iris olympia just uploaded"

[@irisolympia]

🥺😭

[@MushroomEntity]

Hearing you talk about the "we need more women in film" etc. got me thinking about how much individual women (and people perceived to be women) are made responsible for the "legitimacy" of womanhood and women's empowerment in general. It's honestly something that kept me from fully accepting myself as nonbinary in the past-- I felt like I was on some level trying to "opt out" of being a woman, and of our "fight" for acceptance. That continuing to identify as a woman to some degree was a duty and necessary social defiance, rather than something I actually felt was right for myself. The truth is, our only true responsibility is to ourselves, and that itself is defiance enough. The women who want to go into film can be the "more women in film," and even they are not responsible for the representation of women in film. They're just living their lives in the way that best fits them.

[@irisolympia]

this!!!

[@rxtro_rainbow]

yeah- its the same for me! this happens especially in situations with my mom, because she’s still trying to figure everything out and stuff. she’s super accepting and she will accept me no matter what, but sometimes her expressions and words can come across like i should be some sort of empowering, strong woman. and theres nothing wrong with that, but as iris said- its just not me

[@ineffablemars]

YES. I'm a pretty strong feminist and I care about women's rights and I think my attachment to "womanhood" was VERY much because I'm a feminist. And I've only recently realized that I can be a feminist and be non-binary too lol. The only real reason I ever aligned myself with being "a woman" is because I was AFAB and I cared about women's rights. It made me angry that women had to deal with sexism and abuse. Even though.. I never really experienced those things myself. I do sometimes still feel guilty because I feel also that I'm kind of "opting out" of being a woman as well. But really.. I never was meant to be a woman. And I can support women's rights because I can empathize with their struggle.

[@melttyarts5996]

Yes! If a woman wants to be in film that is great. Women should have opportunities there for sure. But if a woman wants to do literally anything else in their life that is also great, even if they want to do something traditionally feminine. Its like a weird catch 22 of making women being responsible for dismantling gender roles and therefore making it hard if you are in a male dominated space, but also hard if you arent because guilt?? And if you are an afab you somehow are tasked with saving all women by being a woman im a powerful way regardless of if you even want womanhood in the first place. It feels like im "letting women down" in some way when forcing me into womanhood lets me down!

[@Sammy-dq6wt]

wait why am i watching this, i was trying to ignore my gender crisis

[@knees0cks_49]

lmao same here-

[@ace-kx3kv]

I’ve found my people ;-;

[@cassandraandrei6610]

same :')

[@Amandalamaa]

Haha samee

[@theindigoboogeyman243]

Eh, misery loves company.🤷🏻‍♂️

[@ren-rb5tj]

i started coming to terms with my gender identity a little over a year ago. for context, i’m afab and non-binary, too! i’ve felt a lot of the same things you described when it comes to misgendering, especially when it comes to being perceived / misgendered as a woman by cis women. i couldn’t figure out how to put words to the feeling, you explained it perfectly. for me, it feels like when someone reminds me that i’m breathing…i’m suddenly hyper aware of it and it’s oddly uncomfortable. i agree with everything else, too, that part in particular just resonated with me. i’m happy to have found a creator that understands those experiences, especially since i’m still really young and figuring myself out, so thank you

[@irisolympia]

💛💛💛

[@Sammy-dq6wt]

YES OH MY GOD THAT'S EXACTLY IT!! LIKE YOU"RE WAY MORE CONSCIOUS AND AWARE OF IT HAPPENING

[@theindigoboogeyman243]

Hi Ren, I'm also an afab enby named Ren.🤠

[@nanth6480]

I'm amab and recently realized as nonbinary and I've ALWAYS fit better with girls and never felt like I fit in with the "fellow" guys. I never fully understood why but you're explanation of not feeling like you have to conform makes so much sense. Thank you!

[@ineffablemars]

I feel like I fit in with both women and men! My method of communication does change depending on if I'm in a group of women or men though. But I never felt out of place with either. Unless I was in a group of women that was super feminine and like "hey GIRLIES" "ladies, let's get lattes and pedicures!!!" It's just... not me. But I also hate the stereotypical "guy talk" about sports and shit. I prefer talking about big topics. Politics, world issues, economy, etc.

[@cammccutcheon2452]

I totally agree with it being sort of validating being called a man, cause it's like no, I'm not a man, but at least I'm not being perceived as a woman

[@antxqve]

I get it, but it sounds as if being perceived as a woman is something bad :c

[@temarisensei]

I'm an afab nonbinary person who primarily gets misgendered by men (who are aware of my correct pronouns), but I think that has a lot to do with me not dressing in an androgynous way. When I first came out I felt like I had to to validate myself, but over time I realized clothing has no gender so I wear what I want. The unintended side effect is that I come off as a cis woman to many people, and I feel that I'm not taken seriously when I tell someone I'm nonbinary, resulting in purposeful misgendering. I often contemplate going back to presenting androgynously, but I feel as though that will make me unhappy as well because I use clothing and makeup as a form of self expression. I think the primary reason some people take me seriously is that fact that I have a buzz cut and therefore don't completely conform to female beauty standards.

[@Verena2022]

that's so valid. You don't owe anyone androgyny. I think Iris has created a space for the lot of us that do tend to want to present androgynous, but as someone who is fluid and has curves that are hard to hide, I get misgendered a lot by men I think based on being sexualized :/ shakes them to their core the next time they see me in full masc though lol In the end the only person who has to live in your body every day is you, so I think you should keep expressing yourself in the way you feel most comfortable! You're still enby even when you're interpreted on the binary. Much love xx

[@sydcln]

my situation with misgendering has been actually mostly w people i have relationships with romantically. i id as nonbinary and im afab. this cis guy wanted a relationship but claimed he was straight even while he was into me but it made me soo invalidated bc of it !! thats just one of the main stories that have happened recently

[@sydcln]

@@cockoffgewgle4993 im not tho

[@irisolympia]

sorry y’all removed the transphobic commenter didn’t see it sooner ❤️

[@sydcln]

@@irisolympia thank u love !! im not too phased by it

[@whorekneebigirl9631]

I feel like you can be a straight guy and still be attracted to afab non-binary folk just like how some lesbians are attracted to afab non-binary folk.

[@sydcln]

@@whorekneebigirl9631im not nonbinary anymore, im trans. but placing that aside, im well aware people may find nonbinary people attractive despite sexuality. the thing is i made it clear that i felt uncomfortable and invalidated when he identified as straight

[@heidi-so2ds]

i’m not as as non binary to anyone (except everyone reading this lol) so whenever anyone refers to me as a “woman” it really bothers me but i can’t correct them. and when i’m addressed as a man it does feel slightly better since that person doesn’t realize that i’m afab. it’s weird to explain bc i sort of like confusing people where they’re like not sure of my gender but at the same time i feel like i shouldn’t have to confuse others for them to respect me.

[@missylee1539]

What is afab? I can’t keep up with all these new age trends for gender?

[@kieranthebadass]

@@missylee1539 Afab = Assigned female at birth

[@kisu-monstaomg6109]

When people say “all the girls here for the picture, hey! you too, come!” i feel really uncomfortable and out of place 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️ Yes, it’s a stupid complain, but it made me think about ✨come out✨ 😬😬

[@kseniav586]

I think it's a completely valid complaint! Casually grouping people into "boys" and "girls" leaves no place for other expressions of gender, this has to go. It's especially harmful in places like schools, for example.

[@tracimoyer9879]

@@kseniav586 especially if there’s like separated bathrooms or locker rooms for gym it’s like.. where do i go.

[@nakalolu1596]

@@tracimoyer9879 You can ask an administrator if you can go into the teacher's bathroom, but I know that option isn't available to every student.

[@sydneygraayenstien8885]

This !!

[@valens.glassgrave]

​@@tracimoyer9879I've checked out universities in my state and one had a gender neutral bathroom AND EVEN A BENCH FOR LGBTQ PEOPLE 😭😭😭😭😭 the amount of euphoria i gott

[@kseniav586]

thank you for sharing your experiences. i'm a cis woman and lived most of my life not knowing that gender is a spectrum (before discovering intersectional feminism). what you say is super important, because i'd like to avoid misgendering anybody as much as possible. your identity is valid and should be respected. and while i don't see afab nonbinary people as women, i do tend to think about such people as "closer" and more relatable than cis men. like it's us versus them thing (them=patriarchy).

[@tracimoyer9879]

im a closeted afab non-binary and i work in customer service in a drive thru. sometimes the little kids in the back of the cars will roll down their windows and they will say “thank you ma’am”.. it hurts. i know they perceive me as a woman and that i’m not out to them cause they’re strangers but it still hurts, like a lot. it’s like.. it’s like when someone tells you “hey you’re breathing right now” ya know? i just become super aware of it. i think it would help if i cut my hair but i don’t really have the courage to tell my parents about that. they love my long hair so much so idk what to do :(

[@Mary-qk2rw]

I have the exact same problem. Sometimes people over the speaker will call me ma'am or miss and it just feels so off. I wish my voice wasn't so high

[@Deleted11100]

When you are older, middle age, you will look back and realise how you never had a grip, and how attention seeking took over your life, it’s the same for a lot of you. Some may be genuinely mentally Ill, suffering from gender dysmorphia. There is real problems that exsist in the world. The fact is, throughout humanity’s exsistence, a lot of things have evolved in us, we have revealed we can be murderers, successful, gay, lesbian, black, white, because they all have science behind them. It is only with the very modern invention of the internet, where people can get likes and become another character online anonymously, where people have suddenly decided to catch on to this trend, to find the attention they all want. Look at you all, you are all lost in life, there is no science supporting the fact anything other than male or female exsists, it is all in your own heads. You will all grow up and realise you wasted most of your life being delusional. Nowhere in the world which doesn’t have access to the internet thinks they are “non-binary” or whatever else, because they haven’t been brainwashed into such nonsense. Unfortunately it is unstoppable and I am sorry for my baby girl who I’m having to bring in to this confused world, thanks to yourselves, focus on real problems in life, and get a grip. Take care ladies and gents. X

[@KeroChanXcerberus]

Cis female here, and you make me feel understood… with the whole “girls niiight” . I never feel like I belong. Can’t wait to hear more from ya. P.s. loved your singing at the end :)

[@lincymoonen228]

Okay im still coming to terms with my gender identity, a crisis which began around the start of covid. Seeing you talk about how things feel for you as a afab nonbinary person describes exactly how I feel. Iam more and more thinking i am also nonbinary and hearing you talk about it is super validating. You got a sub extra

[@irisolympia]

💛😘

[@ahousecatwhohasacellphone]

my favourite thing to do when i feel dysphoric after a long day of being misgendered is to sit infront of my mirror with no soul inside of my body and stare at my reflection until i have no idea who im looking at lmao

[@ramonamorris]

glad i came across this video as a queer cis girl, i learn more & more about the lgbtq+ community and perspectives from other people in the community

[@JulianCanales-pd9ef]

Nobody cares weirdo😂

[@kaylaabendroth1174]

as a closeted afab person this video explains everything so well. i’m unable to present masculine/androgynous but it hurts so badly to know i will always be perceived as a girl. even when i’m on the internet and use my preferred names and pronouns people only ever look at me and see “girl”

[@emilyroberts5884]

yo!! i found a non-binary youtuber that i seem to like and can relate to and yayyy!! thank u for making this content :))

[@camil3368]

That feeling of when someone refers to you as “sir” despite being non-binary is something I FELT (although in my case Im genderfluid so things are a bit different I suppose). Great video 👍

[@nanabanana9489]

i just recently started thinking about it and came out as agender to myself and my closest friends. actually i am grateful to have been born in a female body, there are two options and im glad i have this one, ya know understanding misogyny, being a feminist from this point of view, but i choose for myself that i don't identify as one

[@icant_careless]

Finally an other person who experienced the same thing with cis women. For a long time I didn't know why I avoided girls but now it's clear why I felt so out of place and weird around them. As a fellow afab non-binary person I feel you T - T

[@j_meh214]

happy pride month :D

[@deborahpatton2964]

i think someday you’re gonna be the next chloe or the next phoebe bridgers. keep doing what you’re doing, it’s amazing. I always wanted to be a songwriter, so i love to see someone living out my dream. someday you’ll have over 5 million monthly listeners i just know it. KEEP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING I

[@irisolympia]

wAHHH ur gonna make me cry ilysm 💛😭

[@pumpkin3461]

for me, it's not *wanting* people to talk to me like they would to a boy, it's *knowing* that I'm a boy and people not seeing a boy so they treat me different. sometimes I forget I'm not cis passing for this reason, the outside really doesn't match the inside, and I forget that people dont see the inside like I do

[@cowboylikeana]

i’m excited to watch this video, as an afab non-binary person :)

[@teletubbing4676]

if someone tells u they don't know what gender you are it's like yeah babe.... me neither..... thanks for the euphoria tho x

[@mdrnlevi]

since i’ve been out, ive gotten used to the misgendering, but whenever someone does use my name or pronouns they *emphasise* the ‘he’ or ‘they’ when referring to me. i still get the classic ‘daughter’ or ‘sister’ but to be quite honest i don’t care. it’s interesting to see everyone else’s experience getting misgendered. remember: you’re valid and amazing and wonderful :D

[@shiran4204]

I'm non binary afab too ! I can really relate to what you said. I'm not out and don't look as androgynous as I'd like to, but maybe one day I will. Thanks for the video, it's nice finding non binary KZbinrs who share content about it. Makes me feel valid :) thank you for that💚💚💚

[@poeticallycool]

i’m also an iris who is non-binary 😎🕺

[@irisolympia]

omg go us

[@halcyonmoon]

for some reason I'm not bothered when people call me a woman... maybe bc the way I present myself is very feminine and for a while I really wanted to be one if people get confused about what gender like "thank you ma'am or sir" that makes me euphoric lol but if people misgender me the other way as a man I feel horrified weirdly enough I feel most dysphoric around bathrooms and other situations where I have to choose "woman" for myself like it bothers me more to misgender myself than if other people do it (maybe that's not weird at all?) omg I realized this hurts so much bc I really value being true to myself and misgendering myself feels like I'm betraying myself wow 💔 it's always interesting to hear what other nonbinary people have to say on this!

[@camillestephens1378]

man the "im not saying women suck, im just not that" hits home for me i'm also afab nonbinary and i had this conversation with my dad a few months back(im not out) and he was talking about how women are undervalued and womanhood is underappreciated and seen as less than and actually it's really something to be celebrated and proud of and im just sitting there internally like "yes i know, I love women, women are wonderful, yes they're undervalued in society, yes to all of it, /this just doesn't apply to me/" like figuring out i liked women before i figured out i was nonbinary was really helpful in coming to terms with my gender because it cut out some of that fear of "not wanting to be seen as a woman because of misogyny" and really helped me realize that i didn't feel distanced and separated from womanhood and other women because i was devaluing or hating on women, it was because im not actually a woman in the first place

[@skeleton4491]

Your description of what misgendering feels like reminds me of how I feel when people assume I’m straight. I’m bi, but closeted so I get it a lot mostly from my family. And it always makes me feel a bit meh and aware of my sexuality. I’m not saying it’s the same as being misgendered, I wouldn’t know because I’m a feminine looking cis woman. I could imagine it’s more severe than that. But maybe a bit in that direction?

[@marissahietpas2928]

Yesss I feel the same way but I just correct them in my head

[@das5886]

Hi I'm bi :) OMG I had never admited that in such a public space like this but since I feel this is a save loving place.. I just did it, never mind abt that, srry [That. Felt. Great]

[@rinnnn1097]

congrats bestie

[@exerzists]

afab nonbinary here, this happens way too much but I never correct anyone simply because I feel like they'll get mad

[@rustythewolf1009]

Watching this to better understand the experiences of my nonbinary friends. The video and comments were really helpful!

[@amoryserna5287]

off topic, but you’re so attractive that i don’t know if i want to be you or be with you-

[@antlerdrop443]

I run into this problem when I see cute andro people irl or online I can just never figure it out 😅

[@jojkarl372]

i feel what you say about people perceiving me as a woman, even the ones i've come out to. it is very obvious, even if they don't say anything explicitly referring to me as a woman, since their whole attitude towards me is the same as the one towards women. i've also had (and am still having tbh) a hard time not misgendering myself, as i've been a feminist for a long time before i realized that i'm nonbinary, so i'm used to grouping my experiences with those of women (and since i am still perceived as one more often than not they also overlap quite a bit) and therefore in a way telling myself that i am a woman, when i know that i'm clearly not. it's quite frustrating and confusing, but i like to think that i've gotten better at separating myself from the group i've been conditioned to feel a part of since my birth :)

[@kirttnabala2385]

I feel you but you can still be a feminist if you aren't a woman! But I totally feel the same way as you and living in a transphobic and homophobic country doesn't help lol

[@jojkarl372]

@@kirttnabala2385 oh, i'm totally still a feminist! it's just more about separating "the oppression that i personally face and can be an example of" and "the oppression of women, which i cannot and shouldn't represent" and living in transphobic country, honestly, same. 99% of people in my country don't even know what nonbinary means...

[@purplecoat2723]

This video puts into words what was locked in my throat for so long... thank you!

[@r3alityisnotreal]

As a born intersex person assigned amab, but then was forced to have my hormones "fixed" to female so they resigned it to Afab now, idk it's weird & complex, but I'm non binary, and in my experience, it's annoying when people always ask are you a boy non binary or girl non binary, bro nonE that's what enby is 😭 like I don't want to be feminine or masculine, just androyness, and it's weird that I don't like being mis gendered as the opposite gender I was born with, like being called a girl or boy feels weird for me lol Also gender dysphoria is another thing, and it's stupid how some people think non binary people don't have body gender dysphoria like bro we do! Like a lot of us don't want breasts, larger hips, broad shoulders, masculine face shape, high voice, or low voice, and want an androyness voice, and face, and body, that's like more rectangle like, but not looking like a man's body or woman's body, just a androyness body 😭 etc. And we non binary are trans and people forget that, and don't understand that, like We ExIST

[@november8994]

everything about this video explained everything perfectly for me, so thank you

[@randominternetgirl]

I feel like nonbinary people having dysphoria isn't talked about enough

[@bunnyteeth365]

I don't want to be a woman in stem, I just want to be in stem. I just don't like people making a big deal out of gender. I also hate being called a lady.

[@gg-zo5ym]

Many women feel this way

[@emmanoonan675]

ok THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS especially the part about being misgendered in reverse. I’m also afab and when people would say “oh excuse me sir” when I wasn’t even trying to appear masculine it would make me really happy even though i don’t really want to be percived as a man and has been one of the things that really confuses me about my gender. I think it also connects to the idea that our language and society has evolved to be so gendered and binary that it almost completely fails to include any of the “grey area” or range of gender. (Not to mention that getting people to use pronouns besides she/he and variations thereof can be a complete headache) I’m just feeling super validated right now and you helped me feel that so I want to say thanks

[@fynnwhite]

I have no idea what attraction or gender is. I have a very uncommon name, I never liked it, on the internet I always use other forms of it, and a few days ago someone I just met used the masculine form the whole time and it felt good (I assume, she didn't understand it, but still).

[@gaelgonzalez2035]

I wanted to share that this video has been the last step to realize I am genderfluid and accepted for myself. I am about to tell my girlfrind about it but i just wanted to thank you for doing all this videos, I have never felt more understood in this aspect of me. Thats it Thank You so so so much

[@BlackMew13]

Yeah, extremely relatable on all points! :'D Particularly the parts about feeling bad for "opting out of womanhood and the fight for equilatiy" and "being misgendered as the opposite of my agab feels euphoric because I finally escaped the box I was forced into my whole life"

[@sydneywhite7517]

Thanks for uploading this video. Being Non-binary and being in a sorority, everyone refers to the group of us as women, or girls, or "sisters". But its like, no, I'm not a sister. I'm not a girl. Its really frustrating.

[@valens.glassgrave]

I've been confused as a man many times before (im afab but non binary) and it actually feels kinda nice since i sometimes go for a masculine look though it's not who i am at least im not being called a woman

[@annikamurray201]

this is why i dropped my sorority...

[@noeldoesstuff]

So I get misgendered all the time but there used to be a boy who went to my school who made it his business to hate crime all the minorities at the school. He chased an screamed at my friend (who is an ambulatory wheelchair user), he sexually harassed a trans girl (who happened to be my best friend) and he jumped me on the way home which resulted in a fight which lead to me having a breakdown in mental health. I come back into school two days later and he’s been spreading rumours about it through the entire school (even the teachers knew). At the end of a lesson he grabs my bag (my girlfriend at the time tries to reason with him (I was putting the books away at the other end of the room) I come back over and tell him to put it down so he chucks it at me saying “alright (deadname)”. I reported him to the school but the school don’t do shit

[@aWildSnorse]

People in the USA have way too much time. No offense.

[@noeldoesstuff]

@@aWildSnorse I’m British…

[@aWildSnorse]

@@noeldoesstuff I can see how being misgendered, especially intentionally can be really annoying but I don't see how it's comparable to hate crime, and the same goes for chasing and screaming at someone in a wheelchair. I'm genuinely not trying to be mean when I say that, but the dude you're describing does sound like a giga jerkoff. It's just cause the terms "hate crime" and "minority' get used way too widely in the modern day but the sexual harassment and him jumping u are criminal stuff. Getting jumped by someone, particularly someone who you really don't like isn't a good experience but I try to joke about these things. Lmao I got into a fight with someone cause he thought I was an Arab. (Arabs and people with Jewish heritage can look pretty similar weirdly enough)

[@RobinDomino-me]

Thank you for your videos they have helped me figure who I am and provide great tips on how to feel more comfortable in my style and gender expression

[@lizziedoesthings1450]

my own best friend thought I was a boy after my haircut and it made me feel nice (I may have been in shadow but I still felt good about it) and then after that I appeared in the background of my brother's twitch stream and someone referred to me as his brother so I got those first "opposite-gender-than-expected misgendering" and it was pretty nice. Made me feel like I really could be super androgynous one day

[@and9091]

I'm amab, and when I was little I felt awkward every time I was treated as a boy. Like "you are a boy, you will be a man in the future, now act like a man/boy" and I was like "okay? I don't know what you are talking about though, but I feel terrified", and the worst part is that my parents used to tell me to grow to be a real man over and over again, which I found very annoying, but I never knew how to deal with it because I didn't know and understand trans staffs until the last few months. And now I find this interesting that I like to dress masculine, and because of HRT my appearance and body have begun to become feminine, but even if I dress masculine I would rather like be taken as a woman than a man. Although actually I don't want to be bound by either of those.

[@Wild_W3ndigo]

I feel similar but the other way around.

[@ViolyreArt]

wait i actually really relate to the thing you said about being friends w more men bc it feels weird being friends w women like i feel like i have to 'fit in' with women more and change myself 😢 im so glad someone else feels this

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

Being misgendered sucks, I’ve also never had to deal with aggressive misgendering, but I’m so scared of it happening that I rarely leave my house.

[@aWildSnorse]

I'm not even sure how to respond to this.

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

@@aWildSnorse WHAT IS THAT PROFILE PICTURE 🤣🤣🤣

[@aWildSnorse]

@@mk-aka-morgan8386 lmao says the purple haired basement dwelling gacha knock-off. 😶‍🌫️

[@mk-aka-morgan8386]

@@aWildSnorse I drew that when I was in high school 🥺🥺🥺

[@aWildSnorse]

@@mk-aka-morgan8386 come to the middle east, trust me.

[@EliasTaborda]

Omg! what you said about feeling like you're deceiving people when around cis women is exactly how I feel around cis men! I feel like so much of my experience with gender is hard to explain but the way you phrased that just helped me so much. Thank you for this video

[@cheyennecerney8998]

Bro im literally gonna use this video to explain to ppl how i feel

[@irisolympia]

thx for watching ❤️ glad it’s helpful

[@ismaa69]

My name is Isma and I'm also non-binary. I use she/they pronouns, I don't mind people saying "she" or "her" or "hers" ect, but I don't like it when they refer to me as "girl", "ma'am" or "woman". The only people that use my name are my best friends, close friends and just friends (and three of my teachers that I LOVE so much). Everyone else (parents, classmates, people who just know me) do not do that. I can't make my parents stop using my dead name because, well, they named me and I don't really care how they're gonna call me, I love them and I know that they love me too. I tried to explain to them who I am but they didn't really want to listen to me since I'm 16 and they think I'm still too young to know. My classmates found out about my name when one of the teachers I mentioned called me Isma in front of the whole class. They just joke about it and scream it every time they have the chance. It's kinda funny to look at to be honest (they literally act like buffalos). It would be really nice if everyone I know stop using my dead name but that's not gonna happen any time soon. I don't care about the pronouns that much because I live in Greece and we use the pronouns kinda differently that Americans do (I actually know a non-binary person who lives here and I do use they/them pronouns every time I talk about them, it's not hard because it's greek, it's just complicated for people who don't know about us, non-binaries, and our existence). I also bought a binder recently and I feel SO MUCH BETTER with myself. I'm trying to look as masc as possible (with my clothes, my personality ect) since not everyone knows what a non-binary person is and it is actually better when people think that I'm a boy. It's really nice because I'm trapped in a girl's body and when they think that I'm a boy, I know that I've achieved my goal, being masc and looking masc. I don't want to be a boy but it just hits different, you know, like you said. That's all i wanted to say, take care

[@suoh_tamaki]

the worst feeling to me is when im gendered correctly in public by everyone (im ftm) but my grandma corrects them since im not out to her. its so uncomfortable and im like oh yea,,....im afab :/

[@beitheleaf8221]

Thank you for sharing your perspective ❤ love your vids Iris!

[@esaschenck7050]

How have you so perfectly described being misgendered in a “good” way as the opposite than AGAB??? 100/10

[@1aur3l_]

happyy pride month!!! I really enjoyed this video and found it super informing

[@mycatsaliberal3848]

I don’t know how I found this video but I guess it threw me for a loop when I saw the title and your picture because my first reaction was wow your very pretty.

[@Skeletorslurpsspaghetti]

I really liked this video! Here is a comment for the algorithm :D

[@Wild_W3ndigo]

I resonate with this so much. I am also an AFAB non-binary person. Whenever i get called a girl or a woman its like, god someone just shot me with a fictional dart, like it hurts but not too much (unless im having a really dysphoric day) but whenever i get misgendered as a guy, (sir) its really amazing and feels great. In fact this has led into so many gender crisis going, "oh am i actually a trans man like i thought when i was 12?" But then the fact of growing up and being a "man" being a "father" is just so unattractive to me that i know im not one of them. It does hurt whenever i get grouped in with "girls" or "boys". I'll add context to that, i am a young person 14-20 and my friend started a gym day at this fuction place where it was "for young women". She asked me if i wanted to join, this is my best friend who knows im non-binary and this is the only time she has really misgendered me other than a few "she/hers", it felt horrible, luckily one of the people we were with, was like, "but ____ isnt a women." So my friend said, "no one with penises." Still felt horrible and i dont know if i wnat to go or not. Because for one, this invalidates trans women, in which i know a few who may have wanted to come but also AMAB non-binary people, in which i know none, like it was nice of her to offer and i know she means well but it didnt make me feel well. Anyway she is still great and understands me alot so i have no problem with her.

[@jinkies4231]

As an afab non-binary individual sometimes I feel invalid due to typically dressing more feminine I enjoy the aspect of exploring gender expression in both ways but I sometimes feel invalid or disregarded as non-binary because I mostly present feminine idk if this makes sense lol

[@daheitu0]

damn I didn't know I felt that way until I really thought about it, i'm afab and genderfluid but I tend to present more as male and nonbinary. I just came in terms with all that around a month ago and my really really close friends keep misgendering me all the time, it kinda sucks cuz I don't wanna correct them all the time, I feel opressive if I keep reminding them so I just let them be but since I try not to overthink too much about what gender I am (simply because i'll end up making a mess up there in my head) they'll be misgendering me and i'll suddenly come back to 'the real world' and cringe internally lmao, when it comes to the *outside* I try to look as much androgynous as possible bc it kinda fits with everything on me but people tend to take me as a woman and it makes me sad, i'm closeted so my mom also doesn't know about all this, I misgender myself a lot since i'm so used to calling myself she/her and also so many people misgendering me intentionally or unintentionally lol

[@ArawakAesthetics]

Humans (in general) make assumptions based on visual observations as a matter of survival and efficiency.

[@rabbitdad]

i have literally nothing to add this is just a whole mood

[@cas2116]

Tysm for this video :) got dragged into a girls only school assembly yesterday and getting told ‘we’re all girls here’ ‘most of you will become mothers’ really sucked as a nb person

[@CalebMRL]

8:00 yes oh my god thank you so much. You just entirely made me realize that is totally me.

[@jez7117]

im (probably) a cis woman but when someone uses they/ them pronouns for me because they're not quite sure it secretly makes me very happy

[@airlea.]

ALL of this resonates!

[@irisolympia]

omg ur the first non transphobic comment i've gotten on this video in MONTHS THANK YOU 😭 i'm glad it resonates

[@emmabloom1793]

Idk what my pronouns are because there are no gender neutral pronouns in my native languages. What I do know is that it's pretty strange how people around here address non-binary people by their sex, so like "Emma is non-binary, she said..." and stuff like that. I just don't have the energy to tell people not to use she/her pronouns because there are no alternatives. So I just keep going by she/her pronouns in gendered languages and they/them in English...

[@june550]

Just curious, what is ur native language? :)

[@emmabloom1793]

@@june550 It's (Swiss)-German, so the only alternative to neutral pronouns would be "it" and most people wouldn't want to be called "it", at least I wouldn't

[@irisolympia]

I’ve run into this problem in my german classes and there are neo pronouns that some people use, but they can be little clunky and awkward especially in german because the entire language is rooted in gendered words so i definitely feel you

[@vieworama8188]

This girl has great lightings

[@dayzuki9361]

this video was so interesting! thank you for sharing

[@LK-my3wq]

I'm nonbianry and where I live the language spoken doesn't have gender neutral pronouns or verbs or anything so it just makes me stay even deeper in the closet.

[@wearywarlock8812]

This resonated with me so, so much!

[@quiet.success]

You must be have a lot a money and free time in order for this topic to be worth your time. You should travel more in third world countries to check your privileges and choose meaningful things worth fighting for (hunger, education, water shortages, dictatorship,....)

[@aWildSnorse]

Lmao exactly, it gets to me how people in the west support ideas that are completely opposed to the ideas that allow them to live the lives they enjoy so much. Stupid shit like LGBT for Palestine and socialism in the USA lol

[@Nightmaremarshmellow5614]

Omg this made me realize I’m nonbinary

[@mitologijaiokultizam7608]

Hi Iris, I just discovered your channel, and I'm glad I did, because I like it very much, and I like this video too. I'M a cis gender man, but I think I'M pansexual, (I'M not really sure, it's just a feeling that I can't really define). And I also have many non binary friends, and I really want to learn everything that I can, so I can be as close and better with them as possible. And you explain everything so wonderfully and beautifully, and I think you're a wonderful person, so you have my sub and support. Much love, respect, and best wishes from Serbia, southeast Europe. Igor🇷🇸❤️🇺🇸🥰🌄🙏😇

[@LisaCloverbloom]

I really should have realized that I'm non-binary sooner when I was at work and one of our artists in residence called me "sir" and it gave me such a huge boost of gender euphoria. Turns out I misheard him and he thought my name was Sarah 🙃

[@hunter6886]

i once had a customer call me sir and then completely backtrack and overly apologise for calling me sir once he heard my feminine voice and i just thought ‘why couldnt u just leave it at sir’

[@keithstimpyys3497]

If you form a pile of dog poop into the shape of a cupcake, it's still poop. Don't live in delusion

[@eevee1791]

Im a closeted nb in real life my mum especially when talking about me and my sister always refers to us as “the girls” :/

[@zo_mi_di]

Been having a crisis where my parents/grandma will refer to me as their daughter/granddaughter and I don’t love it but I can’t tell if it’s bc I’m NB or just from me practicing using they/them for my non-binary AFAB friends in my head when I think about them????? Ah!!!!

[@turtles3258]

Love u more Iris! Have an amazing week!

[@sywitz]

Here's one for ya: do you ever feel dysphoria in who is attracted to you/ who you have sexual/romantic relationships with as a NB person? I feel much more comfortable with bi/pan people for this reason. But I know a straight woman would never find me attractive as I am right now, so sometimes I am insecure about not being a woman for queer women, because I love queer women. It's why my tinder still says "they/she" instead of "they/them." I know it's not logical, but it's hard to not feel insecure.

[@drslimemold]

As someone who thinks they could be nb, this really helped... thank you for sharing your experience

[@alfchooberance]

Act of aggression? What like calling someone something that they don't like to be addressed by? Hey, that would be me, every single time that I hear my entire identity changed from male to "cismale". It leaves me feeling violated, almost like a knife through my heart! Does it really? No, it makes me laugh that certain folk continue to look the other way when it comes to their own double standards and hypocrisy. I am a MALE. I have always been male, from the time of conception. NO, I wasn't 'assigned' male at birth, that had already happened during the fetal stage of development. My sex was determined through observation at birth. I reject the notion that certain folk like yourself can rock up and attempt to reframe ny existence through your own very twisted vista. I have no issue with folk calling themselves whatever they want to, or presenting however they want to, but I draw the line at being told how I should react to the reality before me. It is NOT about hate speech or hate crimes, it's about respecting my right to come to my own conclusions about reality, using both logic and facts. Those two factors seem in scarce supply amongst your 'community'. PS. Leave little children in schools alone. They don't need any of the confusion that you are forcing upon them.

[@KitP.]

Ur hair is so cool! I know you've made a vid in the past abt how you style it, but I'm wondering how you got it cut/trimmed?

[@lj4209]

Narcissistic

[@sapphireparcival5428]

So I accept any pronouns(not too sure which identity this could go to), but prior to that I was regularly misgendered as male(I'm female), but it never bothered me. I am f, but i think I prefer m pronouns, I'm confusion, but I'm figuring it out

[@Jonny_action_scratch]

Welcome to the world.

[@harperisntcool8031]

I'm afab and nonbinary, and when people call me a man, i get super uncomfortable, and it just kind of validates my identity because sometimes i think i might be a man, and then when people call me sir, I'm like okay yeah that's not it 💀 i'd rather be called sir than ma'am though 🤷

[@feltfrog]

im goin through a bit of an identity crisis at the minute and think i might be nonbinary, but i’m not sure if im just a fluid androgynous woman lol

[@feltfrog]

7:55 Oh my god, this really made so much sense for me. I have never related to other women but it goes deeper than me just being a “tomboy”.

[@soontolivemylife]

Hi! You look good, and I love your haircut. What is it called?

[@russellziske7385]

98% of us don’t care

[@melttyarts5996]

I get misgendered by other non Binary and trans people a lot which is bizzare to me. My life partner is a cis woman so a lot of people assume I am a cis lesbian I think? I dunno I hate it. I even got misgendered by the people who prepped me for top surgery which made me feel suuuuuper safe 🙃

[@DexySoul]

I knew from literally the first 5 seconds that you are a woman. Literally immediately.