What is a Bad Death?!

[@NotIfWhen]

I am an in home aide. People who deny their elderly parents pain meds because of “addiction”drive me crazy. They are 98 and dying. I think it is so cruel.

[@lilafeldman8630]

It's just plain stupid. I've been there, too.

[@cymbelinebritain6799]

Are they afraid they'll get addicted and die? I mean hospice is FOR the dying. It's a way for a person to actively die and do so relatively peacefully and pain-free. My partner of 14 years developed a super aggressive form of liver cancer and died three weeks after his initial diagnosis in early May of 2021 and unfortunately never made it into hospice. He was due to come home into hospice care on May 21, 2021...which was his birthday, but he died in the hospital two days prior. It took him so unbelievably quickly (he was working and functioning albeit with some stomach/digestive issues up until April 30. He only felt queasy and sick for a month, then became weaker the last month) but he developed the cancer because in his younger days he did drugs and was an alcoholic and developed mild cirrhosis and had Hep C (there was no cure in the 80s, but his primary was stunned it was never taken care of and was actually getting him tested so he could take the medication which was a three month regimen when he became ill) He'd been drug free for decades and sober for over a decade, but the abuse to his liver took its toll and it was eventually what caused the cancer that killed him. However not one time did I think..."Oh, don't give him drugs, that's what lead to this issue." No. I wanted my love to be as comfortable as he could possibly be and if that meant doping him up on dilaudid (which they did) day and night...so be it. I understand that they don't give you life sustaining medications in hospice care because it's specifically to allow for a person to die, but why on earth a person or family would deny someone any medication/drug that would keep them comfortable is beyond me. Worrying about addiction is pointless. It does not matter if they become addicted, the outcome is the same. They are actively dying. it is very cruel as you said.

[@sarahsaysfu]

My mom has COPD end stage and has been on hospice for the last 2 years. My sister and I alternate weeks taking care of her from 6 am to 6 pm while my dad is at work. He is also weird about the morphine that she is prescribed. I can tell you it is very hard being in between what your dad is asking you not to do and doing what's best for your mother. It's not a pleasant situation. She knows I'll give it to her as much as she needs. She prescribed a pediatric dose every hour but usually only takes it 1 or 2 times so not to upset him. It's VERY frustrating.

[@sarahsaysfu]

I would add that my dad loves my mom more then anything. She is very young for this. Her first hospitalization to the ICU for this was when I was 19. I'm 31 now. She is just now 60. We have been through hell along with her over the passed decade. She had been on intubation 3 times. The last 2 times they didn't expect her to make it coming off the tune. She clearly did and just keeps on keeping on. Now at this point she is bed ridden mostly only gets up with oxygen every knee in awhile. We have a commode next to her bed. I think my dad in his head is convinced it will kill her faster or something. He just doesn't want to lose her. No matter what the nurses say he doesn't change his thinking though

[@lorettascott5477]

I agree why why why it's almost sadistic 😬🤯😓😥😢

[@juliannacalifornia]

Morphine! Chocolate! Whiskey Sours! Bring it on - its not like you have to watch addiction or getting fat. Be comfy, be happy, pass peacefully!!

[@karenk2409]

Agree 100%!! I've put this in my end of life directive.

[@annarchy665]

Where is the menu?!

[@zelmalang1695]

I was a hospice chaplain, and I have made it clear to my family that when it’s my time, just give me the good stuff to make me comfortable. We had patients and their families who did not want morphine because they were afraid they would become addicted. It was a tough sell to make them understand that they won’t get addicted and that heck they were dying so these meds are a blessing from God. Your medical team can only help if you let them.

[@Missuskeefe]

I am thankful for your teachings. I am an atheist who deals with a lot of terminal patients. I completely respect your beliefs and those of my patients. It is so very hard to see people suffer when they don't have to. In this day and age, no matter what you believe in, there is no need for suffering. THANK YOU for what you do. Much love and respect.

[@deannsimon9444]

How would they become addicted they are dying I want all the good stuff when my time comes.

[@iamwatergirl]

I hope you share that Jesus Christ is the only way to Salvation.

[@ritamccartt-kordon283]

As a Hospice Chaplain, do you use the Holy Bible? Isn't using morphine, the good stuff, a form of Self Murder. How is that GOD'S appointed time? My Sister signed up on Hospice. She told them she wanted the pills. She didn't want to be here anymore. That night her daughter called me. Told me that the Last thing to go was the hearing. I told my Sister that I loved her. I heard my niece say, "Hold this in your mouth Mom." My Sister died that night. She had only signed up the day before, December 1. She died December 2 at about 11:45 PM. Legal suicide. How is this doing GOD'S will. Are there passages that I'm not aware of? I worry about my Sister's soul. Thank you.

[@nathanb9300]

Just tell them that it’s standard policy to make all hospice patients quit morphine cold Turkey before they leave. So far, none of the deceased has complained about withdraw symptoms.

[@sistakia33]

I only have one request when my time is near: Do NOT allow anyone to deny me drugs to wake me up so they can say goodbye! If my friends/family haven't said it all by the time I am at the end then I trust them to continue keeping their thoughts to themselves! My death is NOT the time for me to care if YOU feel better! Please don't make me have to use the last of my strength to take you with me!

[@VioletMoonSyncretism]

People should do this while we are life and well … these “goodbyes” aren’t really necessary

[@sistakia33]

@@VioletMoonSyncretism Exactly!

[@MichaelaH2059]

Good thought

[@HellaJ77]

I appreciate you so much. I currently have two terminal illnesses, and I am on Paliative. However, I know hospice is in my future. Your videos are helping me accept this, and not be so afraid of the process. I’m not afraid of death/beyond, but the process terrifies me. Your willingness to speak out and do these videos is helping me accept the inevitable and curb my fears… Still afraid, but not as much so. God bless you.

[@pamelalever4678]

My husband & I were at our daughter's beside when she was in hospice until she passed. She had given permission to receive meds suggested which assisted her greatly. It is SO difficult watching loved ones leave us. As our daughter had accepted Jesus as her Lord & Saviour way before her illness, we know her eternity is her reward & that she is in Heaven. The Holy Bible says in John 3:3, "unless a man/woman is born again he/she cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven". This means a person needs to repent of sin (we r ALL sinners), turn from our old ways & accept Jesus as our Lord & Saviour. This is what "born again" means..... turning from old ways & starting afresh - with Jesus. I pray u make this ever so important decision, dear friend. I pray the Holy Spirit touches your heart 4 u 2 see & know important this is & that u receive. Eternity is real. Our body dies, but our spirit lives on. Remember this, u r precious 2 God. Only u can make this decision though. 🙏💕

[@smallhouseinthemeadow6131]

I hope that you have a peaceful and easy transition and that you have no suffering❤I feel the same way. I am not afraid of the dying itself, but uneasy about the process itself.

[@terrycynthiaglazier4228]

WE CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN HEAVEN AND WE LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH SO PRAY FOR YOURSELF AND US THAT GOD HURRYS UP AND SENDS JESUS BACK TO COME GET US ALL AND TAKE US ALL HOME TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME BUT WE WILL SEE YOU VERY VERY SOON 🙏🙏🙏✝️✝️✝️💜💜💜

[@misottovoce]

May all go well for you, my dear. Peacefully and surrounded by love and a transition with dignity!

[@HellaJ77]

@@smallhouseinthemeadow6131 thank you so much for the kind words. It’s great this channel has fostered such a great community of support and edification

[@andyznuff]

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. 27 years clean and sober. However, if I ever have to go into Hospice, I fully expect every pain med possible to not so much make me comfortable, but to not make me die in agony. Bring on the good stuff to help me go out peacefully.

[@camillecali22]

Yes right attitude. My friend is sober almost 40 years. He is dying of ALS and he has no problem taking the necessary meds. Very proud of especially since his sponsor and grand sponsor who passed already ran a group that was dead set against any drugs in any case.

[@Ctkare4k9]

My brother was a lifelong alcohol/drug abuser who got sober about 5 years before he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He died downstairs in my family room on hospice care. The problem they had with controlling his pain was because,after years of drug abuse,he had developed a high tolerance to pain meds and they had trouble regulating dosages to keep him comfortable. I know he was in a lot of pain,though he hid it from me as much as he could. He was 65 when he died. I loved my big brother.

[@hopesprings4967]

@@camillecali22 I agree, I am 18 years sober and will happily take any medication that will keep me comfortable when the time comes. I only hope to be able to look death in the face and be graceful. It’s so hard when people can’t accept their end is near and refuse to speak about it. We take positivity too far sometimes. I truly believe in the power of the mind and its ability to both harm and heal us depending on the information it gets fed. Both my dad and my sister passed without me being able to have a proper goodbye or a conversation, asking them how they felt. When I did talk to my sister hours before she passed away, I asked her if she was scared, she said yes. I told her don’t be scared God‘s got ya… she died a few hours later in her boyfriend‘s arms. He told me she died with a smile on her face. That told me that maybe my brother came to get her. He had passed three years earlier.

[@hiperson7347]

I lost my 91 year old father two weeks ago. He was in hospice and everything was done his way. The respect and love he was shown was amazing. I was with him for the last few breaths. I will always feel honored that I was there. He accepted the morphine and his passing was peaceful. He will always be my hero, in life and in death. Your videos have given me knowledge and comfort over the last month. Thank you and God bless.

[@misfitbritt]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Big hugs and well wishes to you and your loved ones! I'm glad you were able to be there by his side! Now he's always by your side 🫶🙌

[@sjs7917]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It seems like a beautiful relationship.God Bless you ❤

[@Basha1969]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have been present at many people's deaths and I always say that it is an honor to go through that with the person.

[@sarastevens9331]

My mother died a horrible death. First, she refused to accept that she was dying. Mom never told us she had a terminal disease even when it became apparent. Second, because of her anger it was difficult to be around her. She lashed out at everybody, especially me even though I was there to take care of her. Her final hours were traumatic for everyone. I was there the day she died. She was in excruciating pain, in the ER, refused medication and died screaming “No, No, No!!” My PTSD from prior trauma was triggered and even though it was 14 years ago there is not a day that goes by that it is not at the back of my mind. My dad was an entirely different story. When face with the inevitable he went into a hospice (the first one in the country) and went peacefully with me and my sibs around. During his brief time there his friends came to visit and reminisce and drink coffee. Dad loved coffee. It is coming up on a year, and even though people look at me funny when I say he died a beautiful death, it was so. I am so indebted to the nurses and staff at CT hospice. They still check on me almost a year later.

[@Missuskeefe]

I am so sorry you went through this. I hold the firm belief that people who are happy and balanced never go out of their way to make others miserable. That being said, I believe she chose to die in the same way she lived. That is nothing on YOU. You were there, right to the very end. Was there more you could have done? NO. She made her choices. It HURTS to see someone you love die like that (even someone you DON'T know die like that) but the choices that were made out of your control were beyond you. You were there out of love, duty and obligation (probably your own obligation, not that that is wrong). You respected her wishes and held on to the very end. Not everyone can do that. I commend you.

[@janebaker4912]

Did your mother have a personality disorder? Like narcissist personality?

[@MammaKush88]

It's so fascinating... the things we have to witness as we pass thru life. Thank you for sharing.

[@sciencenotstigma9534]

My grandma wouldn’t accept it even when she was in hospice but finally did, the last time I saw her. She gave me her mother’s ring, for my mom. That was a beautiful memory in an excruciating ordeal. I’m so sorry about your experience, and your mother’s pain. She was fortunate to have a daughter who cares as much as you do.

[@lorettascott5477]

@@MammaKush88 So very true! More and more, lesson after lesson journey after journey, and chapter after chapter.....!!

[@pettytoni1955]

I hope he was in a location where no other patients had to be subjected (yes, subjected) to his agonizing cries. That would be traumatizing and very unfair to anyone who couldn't just walk away.

[@starcatcher3691]

This hit home. My boyfriend just passed away from colon cancer recently. He refused allopathic treatment. None if the holistic stuff worked. He did say yes to pain meds. If he hadn't I cannot imagine the suffering. Hospice and pain meds are a blessing.

[@unapologeticallyme7664]

@@starcatcher3691 I'm so Very sorry for your loss

[@kravenmoorehead7927]

My girlfriend's mom was 92 at death and lived alone. As she died, she refused Morphine or any pain medication. She was a devout Catholic and said that Jesus suffered so for her, so she would also suffer. Tough as nails and faced her death like a trooper. She was, and is still very much missed.

[@karenk2409]

Catholicism does not require this. If she wanted to martyr her way out, this was her wish alone.

[@Allie-oop]

@@karenk2409 he never said it did.

[@thecandyman9308]

Oof. Did she retain dignity at the end?

[@patrickflohe7427]

I wish I could be that brave.

[@Mortablunt]

Like Jesus got nails, the priests make it their duty to nail the altar boys!

[@toynazi]

After an almost twenty year battle with cancer my mom past on the 10th of May. We had hospice come in daily but we didn't want to move her and take a risk of her passing in transit. She had been staying at my sisters house due to the floor layout having only one floor. Before her last stay at the hospital she lived with me for the past four years. But due to me living in a townhouse and having steep stairs we knew that was no longer an option. Her three kids which included me as her son made it clear from early on that no more pain of any kind was what we wanted for her. She agreed. Her fight was over. Given weeks to live from results of last scan. It was spreading very rapidly everywhere. On May 9th she was bed ridden and her body started to shut down. It was a slow process but she was in zero pain. Us kids took turns placing the liquid morphine into her mouth and she was surrounded by her kids the whole time. The house overfilled with love and very little sorrow at the time. Her pastor even came to visit her along with a few very close friends. She was very loved at her church and most knew the battle she was in. We had her service at the church that she loved till the very last day on earth. So many people came to celebrate her life it was almost unreal. The hospice staff who visited were SO great and very understanding. They informed us in every detail what to expect and we insisted they ate with us while there. Rest in peace Mom.

[@cak400]

My father died in a hospice and the meds he had were a blessing. He was in so much pain from cancer. The only big regret I have is that I wish the dr’s had told me that once they administered the level of morphine he needed to manage his pain he would never regain consciousness again. So I didn’t get to say goodbye to him when he was awake. I do not regret for one second that they made him comfortable and ended the pain.

[@downhomesunset]

I hope that other drs read this and make sure that loved ones are aware of this fact

[@tm5699]

I had the same experience with my mother too.

[@susanweiss1439]

I hope you spoke to him, even in the fog of morphine, he will hear you. The dying need to hear your voice, saying I love you, I will miss you. Mostly I love you.

[@Peace-xu8ps]

Exact same thing happened to us. My dad had a very peaceful death. But I wish this was explained to us as well. I have been traumatized since March 11th. A heads up should be given.

[@sari5045]

My dad just passed away Feb 15th. He was on hospice for 8 days. In that time I was torn about medicating my dad at regular intervals with morphine and Ativan. I was doing it but trying to space it out. I was sleeping on an air mattress at his condo and had set my alarm for 3 am to medicate him. I didn’t wake up until an hr later and I saw exactly what happens when someone who is dying isn’t medicated. He got very combative, swung his legs over the side rail trying to get up, and with the lung cancer he was struggling for air. The hospice nurse was wonderful when I contacted them in the middle of the night and we agreed on a set schedule. I finally came to the realization that if my dad knew I had access to those meds and DIDNT give them to him, he would be so pissed at me. From that time til my dad’s death he was resting very comfortable and surrounded by family ❤️

[@toynazi]

We did the same with my mother very recently. Morphine and Ativan, She left this earth in about the best possible way. No pain with all of her kids at bedside in a house filled with love and care for her.

[@SarafinaSummers]

You tried your best in a very troubling situation. Be at peace, dear friend.

[@lorigraham2496]

Had a similar thing happen. The patient dying of cancer seemed to think she was supposed to suffer. She wouldn't talk about it and refused all pain meds. All meds actually. She did suffer, but unfortunately so did the family. Boy, that is hard to watch when you know it could be different.

[@Lee-rg7yn]

omg! so sorry for him and you. If I get to that point, bring on the meds!!! I am a 60 year old recovering alcholic, but I understand that meds are sometimes very necessary in the end of life. Grateful that hospice exists. My Mom and Dad both had hospice. The hospice is so fabulous, and even after my Mom passed the hospice nurse would check on me frequently. Such a blessing! Congrats on 7 years sober too!!!!

[@Jack_the_ripper23]

What’s it like being 60 I’m scared of aging

[@Deej496]

@@Jack_the_ripper23 I loved turning 5o.... best decade of my life. 60 is even better. I'll be 68 in March. Still active, still enjoying riding my horse and horse camping. Im pretty healthy. Have a few issues but nothing major, Thankfully Don't be afraid to grow older. It just another phase in our lives. Nothing can stop it, so embrace it and prepare for the greatest journey .... after this one.😉

[@vals74]

@@Jack_the_ripper23 not too pretty 😢😢😢

[@Jack_the_ripper23]

@@Deej496 thanks for that sir of needed to hear something like that

[@elisabethhughes6005]

@@Jack_the_ripper23I’m not quite 60 yet but edging pretty close. I hoped I could help you. It’s really not that bad. You don’t feel like a different person or anything, just wiser and for me there’s a lot more peace. Little things don’t bother me anymore. Experience gives you perspective and it’s so great. But you can help yourself not be afraid! Take action. Take as good of care of your body as you can so you can age well. Stretch a lot. Be active so you can stay active. Keep your weight down so your joints don’t take so much pressure. Do things that make you happy, too, because a healthy spirit is important too I think. I hope you will enjoy all the days of your life.

[@wordswritteninred7171]

I can understand not wanting to take something you feel is bad for you, and may harm your health. But if you are on your deathbed, what is there to lose?

[@StephieGsrEvolution]

Right! Plus, I'm not sure his herbalist knew of far better herbal treatments than cannibas. I study Ayurveda and love herbalism, but western medicine advances are definitely helpful sometimes.

[@vickieclark5931]

Exactly! If you have stage 4 brain cancer, worrying about addiction or something harming your body is silly. I'd want every drug that I can have in that hospital.

[@forestfoxcroft95]

Perhaps being clear while transitioning & meeting Christ is a good reason not to be drugged up

[@wordswritteninred7171]

@@forestfoxcroft95 You can't drug your soul. Only the flesh. The flesh is of this world. So that is no reason to suffer.

[@forestfoxcroft95]

@@wordswritteninred7171 I understand that though when someone is "transitioning" they aren't entirely in the spiritual. they are both. when my dad was passing he was still aware of what was happening here though seeing the spiritual and kept spitting out the pills

[@2A1C1downURnext]

Had a brain tumor tennis ball sized. Survived 18 days ICU post resection, 4 years later, had to learn to walk, write, vision permanently affected. New opportunity at life, grateful for every second. I am thankful for my suffering, for my anguish, for my despair. I finally have, after 45 years, found life. I helped my father, ease out, hematoma. Forgive your pain, conflict and loss. Be kind to others who live in pain that you cannot imagine, love them with the kindness that others cannot stomach.

[@olderthandadirt]

To try to find a positive in a bad situation, his friends were there. I worked as a Personal Support Worker and many clients tell me friends disappear over a long illness especially if they are young and have busy lives of their own. He was loved.

[@donnamariedavidson5065]

But he wasn't able to feel their love. He was in total agony. Tragic and horrible!

[@zephyrr108]

Im 39 and I dont have friends since a while and I tried to be a good friend (was bullied all life anyway, not my choice). Will probably die alone. I wanted to be a good friend and have a good friend. But it seems this is one of those other things that arent applicable in 2023.

[@unapologeticallyme7664]

They do 😢

[@unapologeticallyme7664]

​@zephyrr108 same here. 😢

[@sumdumguy2648]

He went out on his own terms. Respect.

[@kathleenkillackey5441]

I've always said that a "bad death" is one where a person's suffering is unable to be managed. I feel that my grandmother, who died from a blood cancer, had a good death: she died in three months, and the pain medication was still helping her. When I took my late husband off of life-support, it took longer for them to remove the tubes after I said "it" than it did for him to pass after they turned off the machines. Those are good deaths to me, not lingering for hours, days, or longer. Not lingering in a place where everything hurts and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it.

[@kathyr.8135]

How do you know they linger for hours ? I have watched many NDES and the person leaves their body before they die . God takes care of His children

[@kathyr.8135]

There is more to this World than we can ever imagine

[@kathleenkillackey5441]

@Kathy R. because I have been at bedsides with people grieving as Spiritual Help/Back-Up, keeping vigil. I have also had direct family experience in long, lingering deaths. Do the Gods often take Their children quickly? Sure. But that doesn't mean sometimes They don't.

[@kathleenkillackey5441]

@@kathyr.8135 I am WELL aware of that

[@danafredrickson42]

my dad passed with life support being turned off they said he was brain dead already so there was no guilt for us to go through if the machine is keeping you alive and your brain is dead its not right to keep the body alive that way let them go and be at peace. and we had to do that❤it hurt so bad😢

[@meganhenry5795]

Poor guy! That's awful. I can appreciate Eastern medicine very much and use it very often, actually order it many times. However, when I'm on my dying, I will be willing and open to anything that will help my pain and help to keep me nice and relaxed. We all deserve a peaceful death.

[@karenspafard4578]

I am a board-certified, Chaplain. I would like to share another perspective with you about this type of end of life experience. Sometimes there are internal struggles, spiritually, emotionally, and existentially that a person needs to work through before they pass. If they are heavily medicated and sedated, it may hinder them from being able to work through those issues within themselves, and with the transcendent. Medically, we tend to look at physical symptoms and equate that with pain, but remember dame Cicely Saunders concept of total pain which includes spiritual pain. This individual seems to have been willing to endure physical pain in order to prioritize working through Spiritual and existential issues. I applaud you and his friends for honoring his wishes. If an individual has died having his wishes honored to the very end, then he has died well.

[@kathyr.8135]

Put your faith in Jesus Christ and He will comfort you. I will ask Jesus to help Me . He suffered . I can too

[@sup8447]

I agree with you, but I don't applaud this nurse. She is steeped in arrogance, ignorance, and a know it all personality. She shall not be crowned for repeatedly pointing out having follow his end of life plan, like a some kinda good person. She is held to the Nurse practice act which states that is her job, and held to her nursing license. I find her repulsive.

[@meredith3588]

I wanted to say the same thing but you stated it so well, I will just agree. This also makes me think of childbirth. Everyone encourages women to take drugs but it was such a spiritual experience for me, I'm glad I was present for it.

[@carolsaia7401]

He could also have just been very stubborn! He may not have known what was coming, or just really wanted to experience it naturally, but how hard on the friends to witness it this way. So glad people with experience and wisdom are there to guide. A good experience to learn detachment and boundaries...

[@Phoenixhunter157]

May I ask how does one become a chaplain? And thank you for the work you do 🙏🏽

[@A.L.I.S.O.N]

How sad. On a positive note...There's like a warm, golden glow in your hair and background. It's very beautiful and soft.😊

[@randmayfield5695]

My mom was a very good private duty registered nurse who took care of many people with terminal diseases and she witnessed "patient abuse" in many forms. Her biggest pet peeve was keeping a terminally I'll person alive to "bill pad" for the hospital. She was a compassionate person and was given a good death when her time came.....she died peacefully in her sleep. A great way to go.

[@fellowviewer1095]

Too bad nobody told him that morphine is derived from poppies (from the East!).

[@melbyrom8945]

Your final sentences were the vitally important bit. He did not have a bad death. He had the death he chose, which you as a nurse supported him in. You at no point removed that choice from him which is a very powerful thing to have done, no matter that you knew it could be easier. Telling folk they they should be open and using this as an illustrative example is profound. It encapsulates that choices can be made and supported, but to make those choices, you need the full info. Choice needs to be informed decision. But as a retired fellow nurse, it can be challenging taking someone though a death they have chosen, especially when you know it could have been so very different.

[@pettytoni1955]

Mel, having the death you choose and that death being horrible are not mutually exclusive. This death was horrendous for everyone that had to watch it. Not sure why he didn't climb a mountain and die alone.

[@jrobertmoore9406]

I think she was saying he needed to be more open minded to modern-day medications, especially with the agony. I am 71 and have multiple, and extremely painful, but not terminal ( yet ), conditions. I have looked into and tried "eastern medicine" but found off putting the attitude of most alternative providers of their disdain for main stream medicines. Especially considering opiates are plant derived and been used for centuries. For example a Indian D.O. recently diagnosed some atypical trunk pain I experienced as related to 35 year old gun shot wounds and did acupuncture and manipulation. He was wrong, it turned out to be enteric shingles... But he wouldn't accept that diagnosis.

[@teresaforsyth6185]

I'm right there with you. Former ER nurse. What EMS and hospital staff have to do to a 96 year old body reminded me of what might be called Torture. Hated useless CPR with a PASSION! The public should have to see what we see.....not on TV. I think a Hospice Doula person would be invaluable---people who could do more, and with more education and experience, than teaching families the Basics. I was present when my 95 aunt was actively dying, before a Hospice representative could arrive. Family was nearly hysterical about breathing pattern----I calmly repositioned the head, which ceased the motion/noise. They thought I was brilliant.

[@chantelyabubbles8712]

My mother is very fearful of pharmaceuticals. But I will talk with her more about comfort in the death process. I want her to feel comfortable, without pain if possible. But i don't think this was a bad death. The process is powerful and more power to this young man for wanting to be opened eyed while doing so. His soul could handle it. What did we do before pharmaceuticals? It's all temporary suffering if we can really be with that... God bless us all and you for sharing this message!

[@tamiewert808]

As a Palliative Nurse, I've never understood the reluctance people have against standard end of life care meds, such as morphine! They are suffering, and they know they are suffering, so why would anyone knowingly prolong their own suffering??

[@wms72]

Morphine makes my heart do horrible things and does not alleviate my pain.

[@sarahe7515]

I want people to realize that there are other drugs that are used for pain other than morphine.

[@markrunyon5524]

I really hope that you and the people who do,what you do,get help for yourselves.What you do has to be a horrendous,mental stress on you.Your all angels sent from heaven in my opinion.There"s not enough money.

[@patrickflohe7427]

I agree. That has to be stressful.

[@niptodstan]

As an ex undertaker. I’ve seen some awful deaths. A woman that choked to death on her Christmas dinner. Then there were the suicides. The sex deaths (instead of coming, they went? ). There are some horrible ways to go. Then there are the old couples that have been together for 70+ years and die within a day of each other. Couldn’t be apart. Wonderful.

[@jhanes3791]

You have a good perspective on death and obviously resilient. It helps to have a good sense of humor. My family was good friends with a local family who also owned the only mortuary in town. They were the most pleasant family to be around .

[@niptodstan]

@@jhanes3791 it's true that a cemetery is the safest place to be. It's the live ones you should worry about. There has been a new crematorium where I live, and the amount of anger against it was unbelievable. I wasn't against it. At least there won't be more houses there, and you have a quiet place to walk too

[@downhomesunset]

@@niptodstan I’m looking at composting when I die. Ask A Mortician’s Caitlin got me interested.

[@niptodstan]

@Downhomesunset All people that are buried compost. Worms eat us. Birds eat the worms etc. The world turns round. Like water. The water we drink was urinated out of someone a hundred years ago. You may be drinking Napoleon's urine. :-)

[@susanweiss1439]

Takutsoubo - broken heart syndrome, for a 70+ year couple.. Good pain management, a sprinkle of humor, some good whiskey. Helps those who I work with... This person's death would have given me an existential crisis, asking to be removed a s nurse from his case, our beliefs did not match. If I had stayed, it would have pushed me out of nursing all together.

[@KeithCooper-Albuquerque]

Thanks for this video. My 83-year-old Father-in-law just passed from Lewy Body dementia. He had been suffering from its affects for three years. He lived at home across the street from us so we took care of him (along with a care taker from an assisted-living worker). He finally had chest pains and was taken to the hospital. The hospital cleared him from any heart problems, but his dementia took a turn for the worse, so we put him in a rehab center. That was on 17 February 2023. They did a wonderful job keeping him comfortable. We were trying to get him into hospice care, but he got really bad and passed away on 8 April 2023. He had several other ailments for which we was prescribed morphine, and the rehab center followed his prescription his entire time in the facility, thereby keeping him relatively pain-free. When taken as prescribed, pain medicine is so helpful, and we're lucky that he never had a problem with morphine.

[@patrickflohe7427]

I’m so sorry to hear that. My wife had early onset Alzheimer’s, and with her condition comes paranoia, sometimes hatefulness and poor decisions. Unfortunately, the end of our marriage also was near the end of her life. She divorced me, though she was not of sound mind. She lived less than a year, after it was final. Because of that, I never was around to witness her hallucinations and anguish. Her sister was power of attorney, and wouldn’t let me see her anymore….she died alone.

[@marciacapell1541]

Theres nothing worse than suffering. I want all the help I can get! 😊 when my time comes.❤

[@24carrotgold8]

My dear friend died last Saturday. We had discussed good death and she slipped away quietly without pain. 😥

[@nancyayotte2297]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[@margoty5654]

If he was a Buddhist then his choice makes perfect sense. Soul transitions are very important and need to be done without meds as much as possible. I had 2 children without meds (another soul transition) and I’m sure everyone around me thought I was nuts. I have no regrets and would do it again. I’m sure he doesn’t regret his decision either.

[@twentytwentytwo7197]

Thank you for the information, I did’t know this!

[@mariacristinaciampi3069]

Buddhism doesn' t exactly say this ... I am buddhist since 1985 ... we absolutely do not deny medications

[@patrickflohe7427]

That’s crazy.

[@sciencenotstigma9534]

I refused all medication for childbirth and…yeah, I didn’t do the same again. Thank you for the information! Having heard your stories of how medication eases some of the the pain and anxiety of dying, I will definitely be open to it, when it’s time. It’s the one time you don’t have to worry about long-term effects or opioid or benzo addiction, so why not?

[@robinfloyd3102]

I had my father on hospice and he did not do well with the morphine and other meds that were offered, he wanted cannabis and I respected his wishes. My father had a beautiful, peaceful death Everyone is an individual and deserves their wishes honored … Even if it makes us uncomfortable to watch- it’s their journey

[@SarafinaSummers]

I personally want to go out smelling colors on cloud nine, so bring on the concentrates and dabs, yo!

[@frankmartin1344]

I would love to have you as my nurse when my times comes!

[@Vikki.ledge987]

Oh my, that must have been painful to see, let alone him experiencing it 😮😢 I sincerely hope that he is at total peace now. Blessings to you, Hospice Nurse Julie ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@cherylsmith4826]

Bless every one of you that chose your profession. You are appreciated ❤

[@moriartea897]

As someone whose husband is going through brain cancer treatment, it's hard enough watching them struggle even with the medication that helps them. I can't imagine seeing it happen to someone without. 😔

[@andreakass820]

I don’t think I would call this a “bad” death, if this is what he wanted and stated so with clear communication and sane mind, then it was what it was and I can imagine that he was grateful to all of you, that you respected his wishes even if you didn’t agree, granted what you have learned as your acceptable protocol of what a “good” death should look like and understandably most ppl come to you to receive that. What if this was a perfectly “good” death for him and his Soul rejoiced in that experience? And what if his choice just made you uncomfortable having to be witness to that and therefore calling it a “bad” death? So who would you have actually been medicating if anyone had given permission to deviate from his wishes? I think the answer is, the ppl who were there with him and witnessed his chosen path and feeling very uncomfortable. Not with death, but with his perceived suffering he chose for his transition. Blessings to you for the respect you showed however the title is ill fitting and does not reflect the Truth, simply only your opinion. :)P🙏 And bless him for having been an amazing teacher during his end of days.

[@pennyzee5975]

I appreciate your commentary as well as Julie's informative videos. Unfortunately, I feel like with this video she's showcasing what's wrong with western medicine. From her much more specialized, narrow view...this was a "bad death". However, the actual process of this human beings passing may've been the final part of a longer process that the patient desired. His wishes were honored. Further, in my experience...many people do not feel honored or listened to by western medicine practitioners. Perhaps if his hospice team took the time to understand death as more than a physical process, one would understand the patients reasoning for his wishes too. I've taken care of relatives in hospice care; I can attest that most emphasis is put on offering anti-anxiety meds and morphine. Very scant not deep aid is given to much else.

[@pettytoni1955]

"Perceived suffering", are you kidding? It was bad for everyone around him. He should have gotten himself up into the mountains to commune with whatever diety, by himself, screaming bloody murder.

[@andreakass820]

@@pettytoni1955 and thus you chose to judge him in one of the most significant events of his life, and how he wanted that to be. How uncomfortable you were with his choice and felt anger, instead of simply being the witness, being there for him and choosing compassion and grace. He showed you something that was outside of the ordinary “acceptable” plan of what death should look like to the bystanders, according to your beliefs, What if you could acknowledge the anger and fear you’ve been feeling, forgive it and be free. This was HIS journey, not yours and he showed and taught you something, if you are willing to look there. Sending you Love and Peace.

[@pettytoni1955]

@@andreakass820 yes, yes and yes. What's your problem?

[@elizabethramsey9295]

After witnessing a few loved ones pass in distress I hope and pray that I go with peace.

[@bradfordeaton6558]

I've watched a couple people I knew die of Alcoholism; that's a bad death; long and stinky; humiliating and painful. I watched my father die of emphysema, that's a bad death. I watched my mother die of COPD; that's a bad disease but she had a gentle passing. She had just been bathed by the attending nurses and was being fed when they kicked me out. She had bad dying but a gentle passing. In a poem I wrote about my mother I described it as "passing into that next great mystery one descending heartbeat at a time" That was a gentle death. I had a dear friend who died with brain cancer that developed after being treated for lung cancer. As he was dying they told him that he had 3 months to live and 6 weeks of sanity. He was terrified of insanity. I Prayed that he would be spared that, and one evening after I bought him home from an AA meeting he fell on the entrance stairs into his apartment, hit his head on a TV stand and it killed him; That was a good death. God bless you Gene.

[@calmthefire581]

My pop and I had a conversation when I realized he was dying. We talked about many things. He was not sick, but his body was quitting. He was seeing dead people, my mom ( his wife) his sister and others that had passed. I told him I did not want him to suffer and what ever he wanted I would do for him, because I loved him. He wanted to die in his home, and ultimately that is what happened. On hospice, with meds, he died peacefully, and that was the best I could do for him. I hope some day when it’s my time, someone is strong enough to do that for me.

[@me-xx2gl]

I was visiting a friend in hospice. She was asleep. I was next to her. She was medicated. I hear awful screaming in the hall. An older man was being brought in on a gurney, grasping the side rails and screaming in pain. He was still screaming when I left an hour later. The next day, the room was empty. It cemented my wish to do my own death before it gets this horrible.

[@kathyr.8135]

Did they believe in Jesus Christ ? It may of been the afterlife

[@kathyr.8135]

Could be he was having visitations from the afterlife. Do not think it’s what you see …. There is more going on . Did anyone talk to him

[@downhomesunset]

@@kathyr.8135 please ✋

[@highschoolbigshot]

@@kathyr.8135 what's wrong with you?

[@briangoldy8784]

Oh Agreed, Watched my Mother In-law, Father In-law an My Wife, do the Hospice Treatment....Morphine Drip an Gasping for air.. NOPE........NOT ME,,

[@alimoore589]

When I'm dying, give me everything I can have!

[@jessicamiddleton173]

I'm so sorry u had to experience this. My bf was expected to have a bad death. He had cancer pretty much every where but mainly leptomeningeal disease. It is a super hard thing to watch. I was his POA thank God because his family wanted to stop meds to visit... Which i refused to allow because before anyone and hospice came in it was just me and him. He only slept and cussed at me non stop from pain it was horrific. I'm so grateful for hospice after she came in he slept peacefully and i was not willing to allow him to go back to suffering for anyone or anything

[@bioshawna]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this 😭 I cuss when I'm in pain as well. normally I'm the sweetest person ever but I could see something like that happening to my sweet boyfriend and I would feel so bad!

[@maryellenthompson8261]

My husband and I took care of a man who had a similar death experience. He was dying of AIDS and refused medical care. Toward the end he laid in his bed and cried out all day until my husband found him dead in his bed one morning. So sad, especially since he would not have died in such agony. There really isn’t anything that can be done when someone refuses help.

[@Hawken54]

Yes, I would say bring on the meds if I was in that situation. He probably didn't believe in putting chemicals into his body. But that wouldn't matter when you're going to die.

[@dfalco2138]

I’m thinking he probably had other reasons.

[@wms72]

It was a spiritual journey he wanted to consciously experience.

[@petedocherty6774]

This must have been very tough for all involved. I don’t know the patient or the circumstances but many in the eastern traditions believe in being intensely present at the moment of death and some feel modern drugs get in the way of that. Anyway your videos are great and bless you for all the good work you have done in your life

[@pleun315]

Love you nurse Julie ❤️🙏

[@Hermetic7]

Value judgments. We make them all the time…all of us. Perspectives. We all have our own. The western mind is so afraid of pain and suffering that it will literally do anything to avoid it. Pain and suffering are really the primary reasons why the western mind is so fearful of death. Death itself is as easy as sitting down. But, pain and suffering of the body at the end of life is judged as the most negative thing we can think of. I have to say, I really RESPECT you Julie for honoring this man’s wish. And I have the utmost respect for his friends as well in honoring his wishes. All of you were stronger than most. His death was not about anyone but him…as it should be. There is a story of a Catholic priest who went on hospice and had the same wishes as this young man. When he was well on his journey and his hospice doc was trying to get him to reconsider, he explained to the doc that the willful acceptance of pain and suffering to the body (and you must remember that you are not the body), is a way that can be used to transmute this pain and suffering energetically into something more positive. It is a type of energetic legacy. Of course, the western mind immediately judges this as negative BS because there is no open mind to ancient wisdom nor eastern wisdom. We just think we have it all figured out. This young man (and the priest) did it his way…and that does not make his death a bad one. Just because one has a painless and mundane death does not mean that is a good death. Did you forgive? Did you transmute any of that negative energy you have held your entire life? Did you let go of all the material possession mentality? Did you realize all your judgments were flawed and reflected on you as a person? Did you realize your life was not about you? I don’t wish pain and suffering on anyone. But, for those who wish to take it on because they have a deeply held belief that there is value in it, I don’t judge them. What do people say of Jesus’ death? This is not a comparison, but He knew what was in store for him, yet he was not willing to give up what he knew to be the truth just because he faced pain and suffering. One could argue that there is no reason for this in modern society, but I would argue that Blaise Pascal has it correct when he says: “The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”.

[@ag8teer]

Well said!

[@shelleywallace1228]

I have so much respect for YOU! You are making this process seem necessary and a part of the journey. It’s good to know there is a definite plan in the process to make it easier. Your stories help a lot of people. ❤

[@maryalicemaca1266]

As a retired Hospice nurse, I love hearing all your stories and experiences . Hospice nursing was the BEST job I ever had! Thank you.

[@sarahe7515]

Same here but I “retired” to become a full time mama.

[@kathroonie8]

Thank you for this video. I have a rare chronic lung disease and am currently doing up my personal directive. I’m totally the opposite of that young gentleman. I am scared of any pain I might endure. I’d rather have a peaceful death.

[@patrickflohe7427]

You spell your name the same way my mother does. She’ll be turning 93, soon. I don’t think I am necessarily afraid of the pain, but I think it’s silly to endure that when you don’t have to. I’ll choose being made comfortable, if at all possible.

[@kathroonie8]

@@patrickflohe7427 it’s my father’s nickname for me. That and Katrinks and when he can’t remember my name, Jean Jr. (Mom’s name) LOL. My real name is Kathryn.

[@patrickflohe7427]

@@kathroonie8 Kathryn is my mom’s name.

[@kathroonie8]

@@patrickflohe7427 sorry. I didn’t know you could see my real name LOL.

[@patrickflohe7427]

@@kathroonie8 When you reply to me or someone else, it says Kathryn.

[@jacquelinelayne7702]

Thank you Nurse Julie. You were truly chosen for what you do. Thank you for your unselfishness and your Humanity

[@patricasmith6117]

So sad there is no need to suffer. I want hospice to help take care of me. Comfortable and pain free. They took great care of my husband and helped me help him. Angel's On Earth.

[@mikekaren2128]

Julie you’re awesome. ❤ I, along with thousands of other old ppl, have been a chronic pain patient during the ‘pill mill’ crack down. So, your advise to die free of pain is the way to go. Regardless of what one holds sacred, or who one perceives as the Creator of this physical reality we are sharing, the medical properties of plants is a gift from a compassionate, loving God who happens to be a patient advocate-not a pain advocate!

[@Stormy1984]

My grandma hated hospitals and doctors even though she had to go to them occasionally through out her older age. She said she refuses to die in a hospital. Well, she got sick one day and could barely move or eat but refused to go to the doctor. Finally her daughter convinced her to go and got her up and ready. No sooner they stepped outside her place and put her in the car, she just started throwing up and choking on it. It wasn't normal throw up either. It was a perforated ulcer and she died right there in the car with her daughter watching her die in the driveway. She said it was horrible to watch but at least she got her wish of not dying in a hospital.

[@patrickflohe7427]

I think they call that “vomit”.

[@carenwynne1]

you have to ask yourself, when it is your time, wouldn't you want the wishes that mean so much to you, heard and respected. I have been through this with my husband. It doesnt matter what the caretaker or family wishes. It is not about what makes them feel better, it is all about the person dying.

[@pettytoni1955]

Caren, the patient really needs to consider others, or realize that some people can only take so much agony and will leave, never able to return.

[@devonking5710]

@@pettytoni1955 Then let them leave. Your death isn't their comfortable entertainment.

[@Tara........]

When my time comes, I want everything possible to make my death as comfortable as possible. I don't want my life prolonged, but I want to be comfortable and peaceful.

[@katymcginn4644]

BEAUTIFULLY STATED. THIS IS THE WAY I FEEL MOST OF US WISH TO PASS ON. STAY BLESSED TARA 🙏❤

[@AnnevanPaulus]

me too

[@katypeterson2251]

My dad's death was awful. We called hospice 3 times to let them know he was dying. Unfortunately he couldn't breathe, was awake and nodded when asked yes/no questions. He was in a nursing home, but also being followed by Hospice. The nurse at the home he was in was amazing. It was the middle of the night and she was the only nurse on. We found out later there was another client dying that night. My dad appeared to take his last breath and blood started running out of his nose. All of s sudden blood was everywhere! Pouring over the sides of his bed. I'm a retired RN. The daughter stepped out and the nurse in. All I could think of is my mom and the grandchildren watching this. I was a very seasoned nurse and was totally. He suffered. The hospice nurse showed up the next day. He was dead and probably being cremated when she got there. I called the director of the clinic to report the rotten service we didn't receive from his nurse. Her response, "Sounds like you need some grief counseling!" I live with this horrible vision. I'm pro-therapy. But this was horrifying. I will never use that hospice service for another loved one. I've seen other programs that were the complete opposite of them. I'm all for hospice care. I've spent many years at deathbeds. My dad wasn't taken care of that night by hospice. I will never get over how much he suffered. 😢

[@kkr5428]

I’m so sorry you have that as the last time spent with your dad. My dad was in a nursing home also with hospice services, but no one came. When my kids and I arrived he seemed in pain so a nurse did say hospice left morphine for them to administer and I requested they start. He did settle and calm. He passed after I sent my kids home, and it was just us there. I think he knew. After he passed, Hospice did not come and I was told they had 2 others passing and could not, so I called a funeral home. We were okay, him and me… but when I hear all the hospice stories I just think wow, that was not anything like what I experienced, with either parent. I received one call after my mom passed, to ask how I was doing. Well not great - so I was in tears. The person basically hung up on me, and never called back 😂 All I could picture in my head was her making a checkmark in a box ✔️ Neeext!

[@donnamariedavidson5065]

I'm so very sorry, sweetie. Gosh....

[@marilynmonroe6130]

Please try to remember that your dad is in bliss now, and find ways to release your trauma. Remering but not reliving. I found a phenominal Reikki master that over a few sessions, literally pulled years of trauma from my soul. Blessings, my dear.

[@terrifiorelli9819]

My mom went into hospice care at a facility. It was a beautiful place and they took good care of her. Death is not pretty, but can end up pain free with proper care administration of drugs.

[@brega6286]

@@kkr5428 Hospice care when someone is n a nursing home is a farce. It was all about paperwork and also about merely relieving the nursing home of some regulations about medications. The nursing home did not get extra staff or much help. The hospice did not show up to actually do any physical care nor support the family. As an older nurse who had actually fought to start a local hospice...I knew the deal. Once medicare,state etc. got in on the regulations and $$...it became over regulated. Volunteers were severely restricted, all monetary support formerly provided by donations were snatched up...

[@elysianfibres1642]

Maybe he wanted to have the full experience of suffering as a part of his time in this body. His suffering might have been part of a spiritual path he wanted to experience, and taking medications to alleviate his symptoms wouldn't have allowed him to experience his death in the way he wanted. Many people don't want to suffer at the end of their life, and it's wonderful that medications and medical teams are available to help those people. But that path isn't for everyone.

[@WarmFuzzyVibes]

Sadly, suffering wasn't just his suffering, but his caregiver friends and hospice nurse also suffered in a different way, so he was being just a bit selfish insisting on no western meds. Sometimes people get carried away with religion or a certain philosophy and they don't think about what it does to the people around them.

[@elysianfibres1642]

@@WarmFuzzyVibes Although other people may not think he made the right decision, it was his decision to make. It was the path that he chose for himself. I don't think he was selfish for choosing his path and following it till the end of his time in this body. He wasn't responsible for how other people felt about his decision. Sometimes, we have to follow our path, even if others disagree with us, and when we do that, we're not responsible for how they feel about our decisions.

[@Thyalwaysseek]

Yes I was thinking this too, I can actually understand his choice and may even choose a "bad death" when my time comes, my only concerns would be if my end of life symptoms were making my family suffer while witnessing my pain.

[@Thyalwaysseek]

@@elysianfibres1642 100% agree with your reply.

[@nojo1986]

@@WarmFuzzyVibes this is bananas.

[@lorrainefalletta3601]

I also don’t do western traditional medicine but I will do hospice and morphine when it’s time! I do the best of both world’s

[@genamartin229]

Makes me wonder why he went on hospice to begin with?

[@Dah_S.S]

Same

[@Deej496]

This is scary... My husband is starting his 2nd yr. of stage 4 prostrate cancer. He is refusing any type of treatment, [aside from the Prostrate removal surgery in 2018.]... He refuses to even talk about his cancer or the prognosis of it....not even wanting pain meds. I see him getting worse everyday and I'm helpless to do anything for him. He is still active, with back and hip pain he refers to as his .... arthritis . [Its not its bone met pain ] and still has a good appetite. I hope and pray he will eventually allow me to help him as this journey moves forward. Thanks for listening and thankyou so much for your videos. Don't know what I would do without them!

[@nathanielovaughn2145]

? Your comment suggests he had a prostatectomy in 2018, yet he has prostate cancer. Huh?

[@Deej496]

​@@nathanielovaughn2145 Yes. He had the prostrate removed,, but unknown to the dr.and us, the cancer cells had already spread to other areas of his body... mostly in his bones. Even though he no longer has a prostrate, its still called prostate cancer because thats where it started. It Metastasized into his bones.

[@nathanielovaughn2145]

@@Deej496 Gotcha. Thanks for the explanation. That makes sense. Well I hope for the best possible outcome no matter what. I know it is not the same as remission, but if remission is not in the cards for him, I do wish you both comfort, peace, and acceptance.

[@Deej496]

@@nathanielovaughn2145 Thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words. Its much appreciated, more then you know. Have a lovely Sunday.

[@smallhouseinthemeadow6131]

@@nathanielovaughn2145 in other words, it had already metastisized. Just because they remove the cancer, it doesn't mean that it can't pop up elsewhere.

[@Indianaparadise]

I respect his decision dying is as personal as our relationship or lack of with a god we chose to worship or choosing to be atheist or agnostic. All such personal choices no one can make for us . Just expressing our wishes while we still can communicate is a necessity. People for hundreds of thousands of years have lived and died without western medicine and I’ve watched people die with meds some were peaceful and some were traumatic ❤

[@SophisticatedBob]

My wife died of a brain tumor, in a Hospice facility. It was as peaceful as it could have been, and I cannot imagine the pain and suffering this gentleman went through. Thanks to channels like this one, I've learned what agonal breathing is, and it's made my last with my wife better in retrospect. Thank you Julie.

[@omavicmcmurray2893]

Good for you to honor his wishes. I am sure it’s true, he suffered and everyone around suffered too. Still, his choice. Thanks for having the integrity to do the hard thing.

[@beccabean5770]

You are a great nurse, Julie. From a fellow nurse. 🤍

[@OneEyedOneHornedGian]

I am glad he got to go on his own terms and he had friends willing to help him with this.

[@debby7124]

I’ve learned so much from you. I have a greater understanding of what it means to let go! I’ve seen what happens when one doesn’t. I have an entirely new outlook when it comes to end of life largely because of you. Thank you for sharing the truths! You are amazing! Debby

[@kathyr.8135]

Put your faith in Jesus Christ. He is the Truth the Way and the Life

[@blueskyandgoldenlight]

When I’m at the end of life I want everything in the medicine cabinet. I wanna go out on a high note. Literally

[@sazfretz1945]

How awful for his friends, you, and his caregivers. My mom's death was so lovely and peaceful after she was given Ativan and pain meds. She died at home with my dad by her side and surrounded by her things. The incredible and amazing hospice family made this possible. Despite her death being totally traumatizing to me, I learned it can be peaceful and dignified.

[@Abdelmonim_Ali]

As a medical student, I respect patient autonomy and I think every doctor should, even when it is not in the best interests of the patients. Doctors however should discuss the available options for patients in such circumstances and how their condition/symptoms could be improved but at the end of the day it is their choice.

[@stevestarr6395]

Thank you Julie for all you do and although tough respecting his wishes. I’ve seen people on the end of life journey and the right meds are key for a peaceful transition!

[@john-brady]

Well, he got the death that he asked for but what a shame for him that it was so difficult. Clearly his wishes were honored but it certainly wouldn’t be my choice… Great video as usual - be well!

[@patrickflohe7427]

It wouldn’t be mine either, and frankly, I don’t think I could stomach watching a loved one of mine endure that. I would have to think when he was at the point of being in severe agony, he would rather have that decision reversed. Wouldn’t it be possible to contact a hospice organization, to say he changed his mind if that were true?

[@debbiephillips601]

I agree with you. I5 is his journey and his choice. Even at the end of life you can get some control over something, the brain tumor has taken everything away from him, but at least he chose how he wanted to die. And even though it was awful, he didn't change his mind when it started to get really bad. So once he passed away it was just the living that needed to cope with the way it happened.

[@noneyabusiness9441]

Thank you for what you do.. I appreciate you so much.❤❤❤❤

[@cynhanrahan4012]

On the other end, I'm one of the spiritual guides in our circle that stays with the patient and family during their transition. My friend collapsed at home and was resuscitated and intubated by the EMTs. Her family was called in. We knew her wishes and acquired the documentation she had signed. She was in major organ shut down. She did not wish to be intubated, and was then restrained to keep her from extubating herself. The next morning we arrived to find our friend tied to the bed in a state of great agitation. Since she was already in the hospital, she required a Dr to sign off on extubating her. We did everything we could until we got the Dr to sign off more than 24 hours later. After extubation, she was released from her hand and feet restraints. Poor woman had an itch she could not scratch in her armpit, so we did when we saw her try. Her hands and feet were cold so we held them and talked with her. FWIW, we are witches. Her dead man was in the room waiting for her, I saw him, the others confirmed his identity. Once she was not restrained, and her itch scratched, and her hands and feet warm, she proceeded to active death. It was fast and a comfort for all of us. We told her we loved her, and that Pete was there waiting for her, and she left. As a hospice nurse you will understand that there are some funny things that happen. I left her family with her body and walked to the nurses station to tell them that C had passes. They were horrified and cranked up until I told them that was what she was there for. Charts checked, all calmed down. THEN the hospice nurse came to sit with us for a while. That was a great comfort. We combed her hair and wrapped her in her blanket. Hospice even brought us a basket of snacks, granola bars, water, etc. It set me on the path to become a death doula for our community. The previous days were horrible knowing C's wishes were not being followed. But once we had documentation and got a doctor to finally fucking show up, her passing was peaceful albeit 36 hours later than she wished. Blessed be, Julie.

[@wms72]

Witches are brides of satan

[@WisdomInExperience]

The reason some people want to go through the pain etc, is b'cos they believe they can witness their own death happening without falling unconscious. This helps a lot in their further spiritual journey especially when they are born again in next life. They believe they will be born consciously and be able to remember the previous life experiences.

[@g-bgcg]

We watched my dad die within a week and we gave him whatever the hospice nurses recommended. It’s so horrible to watch your loved one dying. Make sure you make them as comfortable as possible.

[@runningraven]

So, when I'm about to die, please give me everything. I don't want to suffer (unnecessarily). Just make me comfy and let me go. (And yes, I told my loved ones.)

[@downhomesunset]

If I were there, you would not feel any pain. I was ripped from my pain meds a decade ago and wanted to die every single day! When I was able to get them back, my whole body sighed in relief!

[@jayniestanley4730]

My parents both had hospice and I'm am grateful for it. My dad suffered, so did my mum. But I was able to do everything I needed to for them, thanks to hospice care. I moved in with them so I could b hands on. I have no regrets. I certainly hope they do not either.

[@jfxl1977]

I'm all for alternative therapies for many reasons, for many ailments. But, when it comes down to the end, when there is no possibility of recovery, I'll take all the chanting, praying, mantra recitation, aromatherapy, crystal laying, reiki sessions, etc., BUT, bring on the western comfort drugs, PLEASE! All of the former can bring some psychological peace, but when it comes to pain, you can't beat the meds! Consider me uber open-minded when it comes to this topic.

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

Hospice nurses or nurses in general are so brave and strong. I wish I was like them.

[@Jerseybaby19]

My mum died last year tragically. She was in a coma and as they turned the machine off, tears were running down her face. That destroys me everytime I think of her now. Her death and what put her in a coma was tragic enough.

[@bioshawna]

I'm so very sorry 😔 🙏🏻

[@creel7343]

🙏🙏🙏

[@lindsayholden5959]

Shelley.... nothing can EVER hurt your darling mummy again....she would not want you to be destroyed over her passing as she FREE now and happier than she has been for a long while. Her rejoice will be to see you pick up your life and live as though her sad circumstance had never occurred. Lots of love from Australia x

[@teribunker5223]

I do end of life nursing. I can’t IMAGINE his misery. It’s unbelievable to me that at some point he didn’t give in!

[@randyclere2330]

As an acupuncturist who interfaces with western medicine and am also a hospice volunteer, this story saddens me... Ive practiced Asian medicine for over 40+ years and hospice volunteer for 30 years... This must have been difficult for all involved ... Western Medicine has SO much to offer here.... wow...

[@moonshine1st]

Hospice nurse Julie, have you ever seen a case of 'not crossing over peacefully?' I was sexually abused, from the age of 3 until I was 10 yrs old (by a close family member). He requested my presence as he was on his deathbed. I refused to give him the satisfaction. Right before he died, he sat up in his bed and seemingly started THRU the wall and he spoke (1st time in days), "It's gonna be a hot day in Hell today." Have you ever witnessed this kind of experience?

[@Pammie1221]

I'm in stage 4 breast cancer. I have given orders to my care team and family to do everything at the end of this journey so I won't have to suffer. Knock me out would be preferable. Shoot me with everything and anything that will make the end easier. Not only for me, but my family doesn't need to experience unnecessary trauma associated with this process. Your information is very reassuring. We all are going to die even though some people think they're Peter Pan. My parents were like that. Prepare and get a plan as to how you want your final act on Earth to be remembered.

[@Renee-Heal-The-Eagle]

I work in nursing home and two old people bled out right in front of me. That's pretty bad.

[@nathanielovaughn2145]

A gruesome way to go indeed

[@jerrodbeck1799]

You’re such an angel I hope I have you or someone like you at my end of life journey🤟🏻

[@davidponseigo8811]

I have watched many family members die most while in Hospice and a few in Hospital including my sister who died from cancer at age 43 and at least she was peaceful and without much pain and a day before she passed she told my mother and my niece ( her daughter ) that she saw Mother Mary The Blessed Virgin next to her bed so I know she was going to a better place but I miss her every day. The ironic thing is she worked in Hospice as a social worker before she got sick and told us how some people died in fear seeing something very bad coming for them so yes I believe in a after life.

[@Macy-hg2or]

To go through death without medication to me is horrific! To each his own ❤

[@rexmasters1541]

I am a retired US Marine with multiple tours under my belt. Death is death. Some go faster than others, some are painless while others are very painful. They all lead to the very same place DEATH. Do not be afraid to die, it can be peaceful and healing to those who help you cross over. If you have ideas or views from another country then go there to die. I have seen them holding a man down in Iraq who caught a few too many rounds through his chest. The Iraqi's had three guys holding him down while he was doing the fish. The three guys crossed over about 30 seconds after the first one. It was peacefull for the last three, they never knew what hit them. Death is death and we will all go through it.

[@LedByTheLamb]

Good for him having the type of care he wanted no matter of people claiming its a bad death(all death is bad) It does NOT make him less "open minded" . Congrats to his friends for obeying his wishes. My mother is dying from a brain tumor and had all the "western" medicine and hospice and is still suffering.

[@Toggymok]

I stayed on a bedside vigil for my Mum on her last 3 days. The aged care attendants could not tell me (rules and all i guess), but i could get the suggested actions to take for my Mum's best interests. I been through that once. Nurse Julie here and all aged/palliative care go through this EVERY DAY. These people are Angels walking amongst us. Thank You.

[@dianecandoflamtaps9557]

Thanks for sharing your stories with us. Im a hospice nurse and had this same experience with one man and his family. It was so hard to watch him suffer till the very end. When my dad was dying he initially didn’t want the morphine because of fear of addiction. I finally talked him into trying it one time. He told me the next morning that he had the best sleep ever…lol. He then would ask for it usually twice or three times a day. It is true that people get some euphoria with opiates but who cares, right? At the end of one’s life why not feel free of pain and get a little buzz too. Nothing wrong with that as long as it’s not over used specifically for that sole purpose.

[@marlenemcmillan8891]

When I'm dying I want No pain.